The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Jee

October 6, 2020 at 8:42 pm

Hey there . So my ex informed that he is talking to someone else . It has been 5 or 6 months since we broke up . I broke up with him and have regretted it since . I have done the whole begging thing after he told me he just wants to be friends . I just want him back and have never should have waited this long to get him back . Once he told me he was talking to someone else, I left him on read and he asked was I okay and I started NC. Does NC still have a chance at working if I was talking to someone but ended things ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2020 at 7:21 pm

Hi Jee, yes NC can work in this case you need to follow the rules for 45 days and then reach out starting the being there method

Karen Flores

September 29, 2020 at 10:04 pm

I was in a long distance relationship with my bf for 6 months,until 5 days ago he decided by himself to end the relationship… We were really fine and we still feel love for each other,the only one thing it’s i’ve hurt my ex boyfriend with my bad temper,since he’s a very sensitive person, and i told him i’m willing to change and improve that, but he always replied he didn’t know how it’d go and that someone less sensitive would be better for me, so he overthought alot about it and took this decision by himself, cause he bottled up those feelings while i hurt him,.. I just wish i could show him i’m doing and i will do my best to change,I’d like to know what to do to make things work out and recover his trust on me, and also advices to improve my bad temper and don’t hurt him again…
He told one of my friends that he thought “it was the best”, also before he broke up with me, i told him to make things work out and he replied “i dont know how it’d go” and that he had developed some fears cause of my temper.. I just need advices thanks in advance.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 15, 2020 at 6:10 pm

Hi Karen, so the first thing you would need to do is work on yourself during your NC and use social media to show what you have been doing without him in your life, and then reach out to your ex in the next 30 – 45 days

Joshlyn Espinoza

September 22, 2020 at 8:03 am

So my ex and I broke up and everything was fine and I thought we were cool, but then the next day he was calling me names and stuff. Im so confused on whats going on.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 22, 2020 at 11:09 am

It sounds as if they are struggling to deal with the break up – when emotions run high logic runs low – as Chris says many times. Your ex isn’t thinking logically right now so lashing out is pretty predictable

Maisie

September 10, 2020 at 11:40 am

Hi, My boyfriend of almost two years broke my heart a week ago out of the blue. The week before the breakup he was talking about moving in together and me leaving clothes at his place and even marriage and now nothing. 10 days before the breakup he was telling me how much he loved and missed me while away on a trip.

We did have a fight a few days before everything went down but we seemed very okay after. We went out with his friends and resumed like normal. When the breakup happened, he said that he fell out of love with me and that’d he’d fallen out of love with me before in our relationship but then fell back in love with me again. He was crying during the breakup. And he asked for a hug twice during the whole thing.

Do you think he will regret this? I feel like these are signs that he doesn’t know what he wants. I texted him the day of the breakup but haven’t texted since and don’t plan to mostly because the last text I sent he didn’t answer to. He is definitely a stubborn person. He didn’t block me on social media but he won’t look at any of my stories purposefully. He’s slipped twice but I think only accidentally. What are the chances of him coming back to me? We talked to each other incessantly every day and now it’s just radio silence and it’s the weirdest thing.
Lianna

August 23, 2020 at 5:25 pm

Hi, I just broke up with my boyfriend , I kicked him out . I didn’t mean for it to end . We had just got in a fight and I was mad and upset with him . I told him to leave and now he won’t talk to me . I didn’t follow the NC rule I been blowing his phone up , but I just stopped today, I’m going to do the NC rule , hopefully it works . ☹️ I miss himmm
Lola

August 14, 2020 at 5:20 am

Me and my ex were together for 6 months. Things got bad- arguing- he started getting jealous. I was going to dump him first but then he did it to me. The day he did I went to nyc w another guy. Lol he saw on snap which he called me out on later. Then- I accepted his fb request that I hadn’t for months and he deleted it.
The next day while in nyc I texted him:
“My friends keep arguing like us and I was wrong.
It’s horrible to be around them. Hopefully we keep cool and keep everything under wraps (not tell anyone) at work”
He responded
“I won’t ever bad mouth you as long as you don’t bad mouth me, but I’d prefer to be friends from a distance. I hope u can respect my wishes. This isn’t a back and forth”

So I didn’t respond. I contacted him one more time about a shooting, the place I was at was getting shot up (scary) I was drunk and then I quickly texted “nevermind forget I texted you”

He responded the next day but I ignored him.

Saw him three weeks later for a friends bday. I acted normal and he apologized for not reaching out. I just did my own thing. I got drunk and at the end of the night I became clingy but he asked me for coffee. He was dangling another girl in front of me to make me jealous (???) but I didn’t say anything until she started bad mouthing me and I told her off. He says “I like when you do that.” (Weirdo)

I came home drunk af and thinking he was sleeping w my friend (long story) I texted him like an idiot and said “call me” then said “I hope I didn’t make you mad. I’m going to sleep night.” (Made no sense …although we had another discussion at the end of the night and I left yelling we weren’t compatible” (crazy drunk me)

I haven’t texted or looked at his snaps since 5 days ago and he’s been looking at mine all the time.

The truth is we probably aren’t compatible but I hate that I lost the game by acting stupid drunk at the end. Not sure what’s going on through his mind but I’ve posted myself having dinner and I’m also going to LA to see another guy I’ve been talking to for two years and going to post that. Wondering if my ex sees me w him will make him resent me or actually realize he is missing out.
Shamarita

July 23, 2020 at 5:46 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me last month. I screwed up in all way begging and stuff. And he blocked me over WhatsApp and phone but not on telegram. His mom still talks to me. Im doing no contact since 2 weeks. He was really angry in the beginning. Then he said he’s sad for me that he’s not the one. But his feelings reduced and he can’t continue if he feels its not the right thing to do. Or give me wrong hope. He’s very stubborn
I don’t know if I can get him back. Or if after no contact 30days I text on telegram he will reply or not.
Your girl

July 16, 2020 at 12:21 pm

Me and my ex broken up fir a month now. it was his decision as he didn’t trust me.. he has misunderstood me abs think of me as a bad. but I honestly far away better than his standard of thinking.. he was trying to flaunt about his new girlfriend on my face to get a reaction out of me. but I just ignored. i ignored him for 20 days. and he began stalking me. then he would text me and would assume that I am dating someone new and would try to insult me and bad comment about my new boyfriend but that new guy is just friend but my ex thinks that I am dating him. today he told me that he would tell my new guy that hiw bad I am while I am still loyal to him but he dont think about me as a good woman just because I was too childish nd possessive. he took this behaviour of mine as my cleverness. Today I am far more better than him. and he just can’t let me stay happy with someone new.. he told me how ever I am and also told me that he would tell the new guy to stay away from me as I will ruin his life too.. I can’t understand that if he has a girlfriend why can’t he stay peacefully with her and can let to do the same.
Now I have blocked him but I want to know why he wants to hurt me
Is there any chance of him texting me again.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 7, 2020 at 9:26 pm

Hey there, I don’t know if he will reach out to you again but if he has reached a point where he as you say stalking you then you are best to move on with your life, and if he continues to come to you and give you hassle then I suggest you log it all and take it to the local authorities to tell him to stop

Carla

July 15, 2020 at 8:29 am

Hi 🙂
I’m 20 years old and my boyfriend of almost four years just dumped me. It was completely out of the blue for me. I was as happy as ever with him. When he decided to breakup he said that the feeling weren’t as intense as they were before and that the “magic” wasn’t really there anymore. He also said that he felt trapped in the relationship and now feels much better because he can do whatever he wants without having to “justify” himself. He had some complaints about me not being as affectionate as he would like or the fact that he was always the one who contacted me after we had an argument. At first, I made the ugly mistake of begging and crying pathetically. After our final conversation yesterday I recomposed myself and have been in no contact since (not long at all but I take it one day at a time). The thing is that he seems very very VERY sure of his decision and I just don’t want to “get my hopes up” if there really isn’t a chance. I will do no contact anyways because if he doesn’t want to be in my life then there is no point in talking but I would love to know if by any chance he will come back…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 4, 2020 at 10:46 pm

Hi Carla, your best chance at getting your ex back is following the program starting with No Contact where you spend that time focused on yourself and not on your ex, then you reach out first to your ex using the methods that Chris suggests in his articles

Maria

July 13, 2020 at 1:39 am

My ex of not very long said he is still dealing with his past. (Ex-wife cheated, leaving his house, losing friends, and moving out of state within a very short time frame)

However, the whole time we were together he was everything I had been looking for and the break up came as a shock.

He says he has feelings for me but for me not to wait for him and he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready for a relationship. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 13, 2020 at 4:34 pm

Hey Maria, it is difficult when someone is honest and is telling you that they are still struggling with their past relationship, especially being cheated on and going through a divorce. He is going to need some time before he gets into a new serious relationship. In the mean time you need to follow the program and work on your Holy Trinity, understanding that this could take some time before he is ready to be with someone properly

Maddi

July 9, 2020 at 11:19 pm

Hey there, my situation is a little different I have a best friend who lives in another country and he tends to bounce back and fourth when it comes to weather or not he has feelings, we talk everyday or we did he would literally call me up to 20 times a day and one day he called for 13HOURS. However in the last 3 weeks contact has declined severely as in I hear from him once every few days, he has a lot going on but I have tried to reach out with no explanation. Today I sent him a message asking for an explanation I gave him 3 hours to reply but he ignored me so I blocked him on all social media however I left his number unblocked, I guess my question is should I stick to my guns and ignore him? I am head over heels for this guy and he seems confused.
Aliv

July 6, 2020 at 2:24 pm

What about a guy that asks for no contact? Mine told me to cut all ties until I’ve moved on as he wants to be friends so like an idiot I said okay I’ll contact you in a few weeks- it’s been 4 weeks and I haven’t contacted him… will it work?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 6, 2020 at 5:51 pm

Hey Aliv, so the fact you’ve not been in touch for 4 weeks is great, I would go to 45 days if you have only just found this website and work on your Holy Trinity before reaching out

Titi

July 3, 2020 at 9:07 am

Hi,
Thank you for your great articles. Whenever I come to this site to read up stuffs, I always feel fulfilled.
My relationship of 2months+, suddenly went cold, which I still don’t understand the reason behind blocking me me on social media, cos there wasn’t a fight or argument. Just that, when I left his place I mentioned going to visit my aunt and there wasn’t any argument about that. Though network was crappy that very night, tried my best but was quite frustrating so I went to bed and woke up to blocking me on socIal media. I have called, texted but he won’t respond to any. I need to know what the offence is and probably talk about it. I want to know if I should go into NC with him for now? Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 16, 2020 at 6:07 pm

Hi Titi, yes you need to go into a No Contact and stick with it for at least 30 days

Tia

June 26, 2020 at 6:54 pm

In march my bf said he feels drained from this relationship because im always upset or nagging. I didnt realise until he pointed this out. I said i would work on it but instead he said he wanted some space to think about whether this is what he wanted. Then lockdown happened and we havent seen each other since the “talk”. Ive texted him and it was going great all of April and then in May he said he still feels like something is missing. I told him to wait until lockdown is over so we can meet and talk about things but he didnt want to. He said its over. I still texted him and he sent me loving messages and then went cold again. He said the same thing that he feels like nothing is improving and i said its because its been 100 days since we have seen each other. but he asked me to just let it be. Ie he was breaking up with me i believe but then said he would meet me in person after lockdown to see how things are but also told me not to get my hopes up because he feels like deep down its not going to work.
I have let him have his space because i’m assuming i’ll have to do no contact and then speak to him once we are able to leave our houses. but im not sure if we are fully broken up either.
Conopien

June 9, 2020 at 9:19 pm

My boyfriend who is 50 dumped me after 8 months and planning a holiday with me in 2021 as he “woke up and his feelings had changed”. I accepted that and was kind and after a week he apologised and said he knew he hadn’t treated me right and I responded that “I’m fine and I hope he is too”. I am now in NC and haven’t heard from him. I don’t understand why as the day before everything was fine and we booked a weekend away together. I’m not sure NC is working as he hasn’t reached out to me but has always said once he has made up his mind he doesn’t change it and worried that I won’t ever recover our wonderful relationship that had no major issues or arguments.
Joy

June 8, 2020 at 9:13 pm

Hi,

Thank you for a great article. I’m glad I found this useful resource. I’ll try and keep this short.

I broke up with my boyfriend of four months 6 days ago. Prior to this, I would complain a lot about the lack of affection he was (or wasn’t) showing me. He was comfortable with just texting as opposed to calling and whenever he did call it was a video call perhaps twice a week which I hate for my own reasons. He didn’t celebrate my birthday or Valentine’s Day which on both occasions I tried to break up with him over but he would call and beg for forgiveness and shortly after I would forgive him. But my overall general complaint has been I don’t feel like I matter to him. I don’t feel I’m high on his priority list but he assured me that he has a busy life and that he loves me. After trying to break up with him on several occasions and after he comes back apologizing, his unchangeable behavior has been bugging me, so 6 days ago I broke up with him again but this time blocking him everywhere so he has no way of contacting me.

So my question is will no contact work on him? And seeing as I have blocked him everywhere, I don’t know if he has tried to reach out or will try to reach out. I don’t feel comfortable unblocking him because I feel it will mean to him that I want to hear from him again so in some way he will feel he has won. Help !

Thanks in advance

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 16, 2020 at 10:26 pm

Hi Joy, so you would need to unblock him everywhere so he can see you working your Holy Trinity and being fine without him during your No Contact. He needs to see that you are dealing with your life and not sat around waiting for him

Nallah canlas

June 8, 2020 at 10:23 am

Hi
Im in a 1 yr and 4months relationship with my ex. We broke up because he and i was angry. We had a lot of fights before but we ended up good. But this time we had no contact for 1 week..i initiated contact for me to know where i stand. He just told me to shut up so he broke up with me. Now we are in 2 weeks no contact i blocked him on social media. I was shocked because all out fights was ended up still together. What should i do? He is a gamer that’s why i think he doesn’t have time to think our situation.
Sian

June 7, 2020 at 8:48 pm

I am one of your older readers.. I started seeing someone in February.. and it was lovely.. he is 4 years younger than me.
He left his wife and 4 children 10 years ago for a woman he is still in contact with.
Because of Covid, we decided to lock down together, and although we got in really well, it’s as if we missed out on a he dating and become comfortable quickly.
I think he till rants the ‘chase’ and although he starts off saying
How brill we are, he pulled away..
I came back to my place, because I didn’t feel that we had the right ‘start’.. he helped me move and although we spoke every morn and eve, we were going to a BBQ with his family and because Ineas a bit lat, he told me not to come, he was going on his own, he blocked my calls that day ).. I was in my way to him), but he ignored my calls and has not contacts me since. I wrote explaining why Inwas late.. (clcalid reason).. but not response.
He has a very quick temper and is really flakey.. part of me thinks ‘stuff him’ if he wants to find someone else..
but I also have feelings for him and wonder if, having given up everything, to be rejected by then love of his life’ he is now self protecting and If he will be in contact..
I have stuff stored in his lock-up which I eill need to get back, and have asked him to let me know if he needs me to move them.. I also still have his house key which he told me to keep..
but, is being late to meet his sister an excuse to end it, or is he just still angry with me?..
and, what should I do next?.. it was a week ago 30th May that we were meant to visit his sister.. I wrote a letter (.. not phone or text).. On 2nd Jun, ehich did not ask to get back, just apologised for being late. And he would have got that on 4-5th June, it is now 8th Jun..

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 13, 2020 at 11:11 pm

Hi Sian, so we do say not to send letters as they can be hurtful when your ex does not reach out to you in return. You need to complete a full 30 days no contact where you work on your Holy Trinity and become the best version of yourself. When you have given him some time to calm down (30 days minimum) and then reach out with a text that Chris helps you compose in his texting articles. Hopefully by then your number wont be blocked, if it is then you may need to reach out on a different platform

Melissa

June 5, 2020 at 7:27 pm

If my ex tries to contact me during my no contact period do I respond if so how?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 7, 2020 at 12:47 pm

No, you do not reply during a No Contact

Rieko

June 4, 2020 at 10:38 am

I have been in a relationship with my ex bf for 3 months plus. Its been 18 days since i implement NC. Prior to the breakup, 15 days earlier we still text as usual but he just replied 2 times a day (for 3 days). And the next 10 days i was being ignored, yes totally (for 10 days). During those 10 days, i keep on reaching him out, like once every 2 or 3 days, i keep on being positive. Then at the 13th day, i managed to have him replied, he said he was busy. Im mad, but still control and pretend to not get hurt by him. And i was like okay, the text was short, and take a while. He will replied my night text at morning, morning text at evening, so basically, it’s like no conversation happened (2 days). So on the day of breakup (day 15th), i ask him nicely to discuss with me, tell me if i had done anything wrong. And i ask if i can call him, but it was declined when i called. I called via phone first and it was directed to voicemail, through whatsapp it was declined. Soon after that, i was being blocked. I was blocked everywhere, whatsapp/instagram/phone. Except facebook, because im not following him on facebook. All those things happened in 15 mins only. I was shocked, really, and lost. So now im on 18th day of NC, no news from him, and still being blocked. Should i iniate contact after 30 days of NC? Sorry for the messy grammar, Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 7, 2020 at 8:27 pm

Hey Rieko, so if you reach out at the end of your 45 day No Contact and you find you are still in a hard block you are foced to continue with a NC while working on yourself and your Holy Trinity

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”