The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,279 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Lola

January 29, 2020 at 7:16 pm

Hi I’ve previously posted comments about my ex friend and I split after 8 years back in mid December. Later on January he suggested we should meet up on Valentine’s Day of this year and catch up. He also said “we are getting back together” so we shouldn’t get to another relationship and we both agreed. However when I thought about this is an one way street only coming from what my ex Boyfriend wants not me. I met someone else but East trying to be serious but this new guy likes me more than I do. He told his parents were in a relationship and invited me over a couple of times. My ex doesn’t know anything about this and he shouldn’t care either since he was trying to set a rule to benefit himself . However I agreed to Meet my ex on Valentine’s Day. But when we took a break with no contact and he kept on breaking it. I found myself I less attached and detached from my ex and realized I deserve better than what he offered me in pervious relationship. He did so little to love me. The new person gives me what I ever could ask for but I know my ex longer and even though I know it’s not right to get back together because he can’t change and treat me better and provide what I really want.
Don’t know what to do at this point because my romantic feeling for my ex is completely fade away. I’m detached emotionally and physically from him but I don’t want him. Why do I feel that way? I finally realized what I deserve and what I really expect in a partner and my ex cannot give that to me. Is there any way my ex could change and treat me better after this 2 month break? Should I give him a chance but again I don’t have a romantic feeling and Not attracted toward him anymore. He texted me yesterday saying can’t wait to see me in Valentine’s Day. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 9, 2020 at 2:35 pm

Lola, one thing you should know it is not about who you have known the longest. It is about who you have positive feelings for, who makes you feel good when in the relationship. I think your ex sounds a bit egotistic telling you what is going to happen etc. I would say that you are feeling obliged to meet him because you said you would, plans change and you can cancel! The new guy sounds like a nicer guy but I am not sure you like him as much as you could if you let your ex go. You have even said you are not attracted to your ex anymore, or have romantic feelings. Do what is best for YOU not other people

Rosa

January 19, 2020 at 2:39 am

I met him 5 months ago.. rough start.. found out he was still trying to talk to his ex n others.. I forgave him.. loaned him money.. which he gave back.. Christmas gifts..for him n his kids.. my aunt got involved she threatened him cause he cheated.. he was paronoid after that I tried to reassure him.. he told me daily he loved me wanted to marry me.. move in together.. 2 weeks ago we spent the weekend together ya n kids he kissed me goodbye my aunt found out he was talking to yet any mother girl then she told him it was extremely messed up he begged me to go out the next night.. well the next day he was MIA all day that night he said he was going out with a friend n would contact me. Never did next dad I get a call from his father saying he wants no contact. He then calls my mother a few days later n says no contact n it has nothing to do with another female.. I panicked went crazy texted him then his mom called me n said no contact .. he never once called me n said any of this but because his parents pay his way they hold this over his head… I love him this is so hard yes I kno my worth but I just wanna y’all to him n kno y.. was it all a lie… I want him to contact me is it possible !

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 22, 2020 at 1:46 pm

Hi Rosa, so as much as I understand you are hurting, the fact that his parents are getting involved and telling you to do no contact, along with him telling your mother he does not want to talk to you right now you need to a) listen to him and give him a NO Contact! and b) handle this as adults and not involve your family or friends. Read about what work you need to do with no contact and make notes of what changes you would like to have in your life.

Charlotte B.

January 18, 2020 at 3:10 am

Hello…

Okay, so I have known the father of my child for almost 10 years. My child is 4. I have been in love with him for as long as I can remember. We are constantly trying to make both our lives better for the sake of our child, and in doing so we incorporate each other in many things. Also, we have lived in 2 different states for 5 years now, but have spoken on the phone/FaceTimed multiple times a day with each other and with his child. He visits a few times a year when he is able to. Every time he comes, I become an emotional wreck bc I want a family PLUS everything else we plan on, but he is not there (he also talks/dates other women where he is as I do not, I don’t want anyone else) so then I have to bottle up all my emotions and feelings and put them away again, so we can continue on like normal. He recently came over the holidays, pretty good trip, but ended horribly with some extra bad things I won’t mention here, but again I get emotional, and I just can’t do it this way anymore. I told him I need space and I’m not sure for how long. He text me back saying he would stay away. Bc of our child, I texted him 7 days later. He didn’t respond or call like I asked him to. 7 days after that, I FaceTimed so he could see/talk to his child. I don’t want our child to get the ugly end of the stick just bc I asked for space. He answered and they spoke for all of 3 mins, then he hung up- we didn’t utter a single word to each other. We FaceTimed the night after that, he didn’t answer nor did he call back. We didn’t facetime for a few days, then we tried again and they spoke again, but we did not. I hate this. I miss him. I miss him for our child. But I honestly do not know what to do. I also hate living like this, where I can’t have what I want with him, but then feel guilty bc our child. Am i crazy? I think I may be. I honestly have no clue on what I should anymore. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 18, 2020 at 12:04 pm

Charlotte, you are not crazy it sounds more like you want to be with him and cant, so you need to give yourself the space but he should be wanting to talk to his child. You essentially need to do a Limited no contact where you allow him contact with your child but nothing else for some time. If you want to get him back you need to do some Ungettable girl work and read some more of these articles to understand what it is you need to do

Lola

January 17, 2020 at 6:23 pm

Hi, this is Lola again,
My ex doesn’t have social media and I only use my dog ig account to post anything I know his brother and wife checks my dogs account to see what I’ve been up to. Any suggestions?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 9:12 pm

Do you have mutual friends that you hang out with? And you can post things on your dogs social media showing you going to new areas that he is not going to expect you to go to

Lisa

January 13, 2020 at 6:15 pm

I have been seeing a man fir 5 months ..We get on so well but he struggles to show his feelings .I am a widow so therefore very loving towards him ..He has told me he loves me twice &makes. Joke out of it ,as he’s a man a man .Ive always struggled ,thinking that he will never commit (he’s 56 &has had 2 girlfriends since the spilt from his wife 12 years ago ).Each relationship lasted 2&a half years ..The first asked him to marry him so he finished with her .The second sent a long text ,saying he was selfish .He never really says he loves me ,even though I say it every day ..He’s quite cold ..His dad dies at Xmas ,whom he was so so close too (&to his brother &17 year old daughter ),I was there with him ,supporting gin &was very patient ,understanding &caring ..His dad died on 30 December .On New Year’s Eve we went out with his brother & daughter to his local pub (we live in different areas).Therfore we were out with his family &friends & I was away from mine !..He shouted at me fir misplaying my handbag & literally ignored me at midnight .When we got to his house ,we said goodnight &he had his back to me .I said I love yiu &he said it back .I was t convinced &was hurting &feeling unloved .I asked him to tell me he loves me ,but he said ‘ I just have !,your overpowering !’..I didn’t say anything ,until a few days later ,when he let me didn’t about coming over .I totally understand he was organising his dads funerals &was distraught ..Hiwever I had to say something ,but he was cold &still couldn’t tell me hiw he felt .So I just finished it !..I’ve messaged since &explsined hiw I was feeling & that it was bad timing ,but I still love him ..His response was ‘well you finished with me ,so take care ‘..I messaged back with my feelings fir him &apologised fir the bad timing again etc ..I’ve not contacted him fir 2 days as he didn’t reply ..Today I’ve posted a condolence card ,which he will receive tomorrow..What should I do next ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 9:39 pm

Hi Lisa so as he has just lost a parent you are going to have to take into account that there is going to be a situation where you need to have a lot of patience when it comes to him and following this process. You do however need to follow the No contact period first. And read different articles that apply to your situation

Jenny

January 12, 2020 at 11:30 pm

Hi,
my ex and I are both 25, and we dated for 1 year and 2 months. Our relationship have a really special bond, there’s no trust issue, never really have an argument, if anything happened we always talk it out. We really love and care about each other and we can truly feel that as well. Unfortunately in July, he had to go back to Asia to finish his last semester there due to his family issue, so we’re in a long distance relationship for 6 months. Things were great tho, we FaceTime every morning and night, texted a lot as well, so we know what each other was doing every day. I even travelled all the way to Asia to visit him for 2 weeks in October, it was also my birthday and our anniversary. The problem is, since he’s an international student he would need a working visa in order to come back to nyc. We talked about this in August but we did not want to breakup and we’re both crying.. since we both wanted to start a life together, we decided to give a try cause who know maybe he will be able to get a job here. He said he applied to 4 to 5 companies here and will know the results by March. In the mean time, he’s supposed to come visit me end of this month, we even planned on when I should take off from work. On Wednesday morning, we FaceTime as usual and everything was perfectly fine, he even said he’s gonna book a ticket the next day. About 15 mins after we hung up, he called back saying he got a bad news, a company in nyc rejected him and he wanted to breakup now. He said he’s not coming to visit me as well cause will just make the breakup even harder. He wish we can be friends but he needs some time cause for now he won’t be able to talk to me like friends. The next day I simply asked him when did he receive the mail and he replied “yesterday..”, I tried to comfort him and told him that we can always solve the problem together like we used to.. but he didn’t reply back since. It’s been only 3 days we haven’t contact each other. I wish he could’ve gave me more time and let me know what’s going on instead of ending things so abruptly cause it made me more confused. Like I don’t even know did he got rejected by all 4 to 5 companies or he just simply gave up and decided to stay in Asia. And even for breakup, I was only mentally prepared this might happen in March.. not like this all of a sudden…
J

January 10, 2020 at 1:34 am

My boyfriend and I broke up mutually about two weeks ago and have been doing no contact for a 10 days. We were together for almost 2 years, 7 of the most recent months being long distance. I guess I’m just trying to decide if no contact still has to be for 30 days even with long distance breakups or if it can be shorter. We both decided that we still want to be friends but I’m worried that if I contact him too soon he won’t have time to miss me before I reach out. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 14, 2020 at 9:14 pm

Hey J, only you can decide to move on or try to get your ex back. When you’ve made your decision on either I am more than happy to help you through either path

“It’s over”

January 5, 2020 at 1:02 pm

Hi,
Me and my boyfriend we’re together for a year and a half. We had a really good relationship and when he went into the army training, I stood by him and supported him so much. Then in October we had a row and he was like “I need space” I couldn’t get to grips with it so I done the who begging and pleading (which i know was wrong), he said we just argue to much, were not happy and he doesn’t see us working as a couple in the future. I was devestated, I tried everything I could think of. We still continued to meet, I went a week nc and then we ended up sleeping together etc then after he turned round and said we should just be friends. It carried on from October – December.. he said that he was willing to see what there was left for us and that i could change his mind.. we’ve been arguing and going round in circles because I’ve just been losing my mind. Anyway. He ended things with me properly on Christmas Eve. . Just said that we don’t work. Also that if we were to date other people it might make us realise what we have.. I was against this to be honest as I feel like he may be going through the *grass is greener* stage.
New Year’s Eve he text me saying he hopes we can be the happy people we once were and he never wanted this but nothing can be done about that now. He knew I was out and he knew it would upset me. I got him to come and pick up his things and have told him that I love him and if he ever changes his mind about us or has any regrets then to let me know.. “hopefully I’ll still be around but I need to move on with my life” currently on day 3 again of no contact. We had such a good relationship and just hit a few bumps towards the end which he can’t see past, doesn’t help he has friends in his ear either.
He’s been out with friends. Partying, I asked if there was another woman when he broke it off and he said absolutely not but he will be on the hunt and possibly already chatting to a few girls who were on the back burner. So what now? I’m going to go the 30 days, post happy photos (but then thats what he wants.. for us to both be happy again) just think he’s delusional. Left things nice, door open approach but know I need to move on with my life. Do you recommend longer than 30 days? I’d like him to break contact 1st when he realises what we had was so good.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 8, 2020 at 9:51 pm

Hey so him saying he wants us both to be happy then you need to take into an account that he is trying not to look like the “bad guy”. So yes he wants you to be happy, but if you are looking happier than he is, then he is going to question how you are doing so well and why. Like we have said, after a break up the guys seem happy so quickly while we cry and morn the relationship. But as we start to feel better, the guys realise they’re not as happy as they thought. So make sure you working on yourself, be happy, become Ungettable and show this through social media. That way he is going to be interested in what is making you so happy all of a sudden. Then at the end of your no contact, (30 days is fine) you can reach out in a friendly way asking for advice or telling him about something exciting you have done, keeping conversation short where YOU end it

Lola

January 3, 2020 at 4:39 am

To continue my older post on here My ex also contacted me on New Year’s Eve saying this
“ Happy New Years babe,love you and Lola. Didn’t get to kiss you to start out this year but I got the next best thing.. kisses from my dog ”. I did reply back. Then the very next day He send me pictures of me and him took his dog to dog water park together. He know how much I love and am attached to his dog as a puppy. I didn’t say anything just liked the picture. I really think he misses me and I also missing him and it’s very painful. I’m not sure why he’s keep texting me when we agreed on no contact till next month. I miss him dearly and want to work it out but it’s very heart wrenching when he send pictures. I know he’s in pain but he was the one who left the relationship and now setting up the rules only on his way when he even said we should not talk till next month. He said he want to meet up and can’t wait to see me on a specific date. I just don’t know what to do

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 3, 2020 at 6:37 am

Hey Lola so replying to all three comments in one here. I would complete a proper no contact where you do not respond to anything he is sending you. He wanted a break up, give him a break up! Set 30 days of no replying, reacting, watching anything he does. And in that time work on yourself and show on social media all the things you are doing with your life and he is missing out on because he is not with you anymore

L.ola

January 3, 2020 at 4:36 am

So I’ve posted a long comment earlier about my ex friend and I broke up on 12/13/19, after being together 8 yrs (we have never lived together). When I went on no contact without not mentioning anything to him he texted me a couple days later and said he would like to talk to me on Christmas Day if that’s ok with me. It took me awhile to consider replying back to him but I though and decided telling him “yes sure.” Even though I wasn’t truly ready to speak to him yet. The reason for doing that was also to get a better closure of were we are and how we are going to plan this. Prior to that he kept on texting and calling me every 2-3 days after he said he won’t. Anyways, we talked on Christmas Day and he said that he thought about it and really want to try no contact. He every time he contacted me he had the feeling of the grief refreshen and missing and worrying about me and what I’m doing, and could not concentrate to work on his personal issues and self Improvement. He said our break up it’s been very though in him and he keeps on thinking about me, but after a few says he felt a little better, till he contacted me again. He started to miss me more and worry about me again. I told him I honestly was not ready to talk to him for at least another month because I also want to work on my self and Im still hurt. We chat about our other interests and then he sat he want us to get back together and meet me in person on Valentine’s Day (which is also my birthday), after the No Contact period is over. A month and half from the day we spoke. He said think about it as a long distance relationship or if he was going to a war and we couldn’t talk to each other for almost a month and half.He said the reason he broke it off was not the relationship itself but he felt like he needed to work on himself, (find a job dealing with his severe depression and self improvement) and that I should work on myself and self improvement as well till then. He said not to contact him which I won’t. I’ve already deleted his number, so if wants to contact me he can but I won’t urge yo do so. He said he’ll contact me closer to the date we set of meeting up feb 14th, and plan where to meet and etc. he said he loves me and never loses feeling we had for 8 yrs. and he won’t believe if I loose my feeling for him just because I don’t get to see or speak to him till then, and if I do he’s willing to take the risk to improve himself for a better future. He also said we’re getting back together and we don’t have to meet new people as for dating but just as a connection for new career opportunities or new friendship. He also added he can’t wait to see me in February and find about my self improvement and changes in life. I agreed but then I’m debating if I should give him hard time or not. I told him the whole purpose of this break is not only to miss the other person, but to find your self and understanding you don’t need the other person but you really understand their VALUE better and WANT them to be part of your life. He agreed and I’m glad we talked and set boundaries. My only question is what do you think about this … will he start self improving himself for a month and half or he just say that wishing I forget about him? Should I wait for him? I always trusted on what he said, because he always did what he said. He also contacted me on New Year’s Eve saying this
“ Happy New Years babe,love you and Lola. Didn’t get to kiss you to start out this year but I got the next best thing.. kisses from my dog ”. I did reply back. Then the very next day He send me pictures of me and him took his dog to dog water park together. He know how much I love and am attached to his dog as a puppy. I didn’t say anything just liked the picture. I really think he misses me and I also missing him and it’s very painful. I’m not sure why he’s keep texting me when we agreed on no contact till next month. I miss him dearly and want to work it out but it’s very heart wrenching when he send pictures. I know he’s in pain but he was the one who left the relationship and now setting up the rules only on his way when he even said we should not talk till next month. He said he want to meet up and can’t wait to see me on a specific date. I just don’t know what to do.
Lola

December 30, 2019 at 5:27 pm

So I’ve posted a long comment earlier about my ex friend and I broke up on 12/13/19, after being together 8 yrs (we have never lived together). When I went on no contact without not mentioning anything to him he texted me a couple days later and said he would like to talk to me on Christmas Day if that’s ok with me. It took me awhile to consider replying back to him but I though and decided telling him “yes sure.” Even though I wasn’t truly ready to speak to him yet. The reason for doing that was also to get a better closure of were we are and how we are going to plan this. Prior to that he kept on texting and calling me every 2-3 days after he said he won’t. Anyways, we talked on Christmas Day and he said that he thought about it and really want to try no contact. He every time he contacted me he had the feeling of the grief refreshen and missing and worrying about me and what I’m doing, and could not concentrate to work on his personal issues and self Improvement. He said our break up it’s been very though in him and he keeps on thinking about me, but after a few says he felt a little better, till he contacted me again. He started to miss me more and worry about me again. I told him I honestly was not ready to talk to him for at least another month because I also want to work on my self and Im still hurt. We chat about our other interests and then he sat he want us to get back together and meet me in person on Valentine’s Day (which is also my birthday), after the No Contact period is over. A month and half from the day we spoke. He said think about it as a long distance relationship or if he was going to a war and we couldn’t talk to each other for almost a month and half.He said the reason he broke it off was not the relationship itself but he felt like he needed to work on himself, (find a job dealing with his severe depression and self improvement) and that I should work on myself and self improvement as well till then. He said not to contact him which I won’t. I’ve already deleted his number, so if wants to contact me he can but I won’t urge yo do so. He said he’ll contact me closer to the date we set of meeting up feb 14th, and plan where to meet and etc. he said he loves me and never loses feeling we had for 8 yrs. and he won’t believe if I loose my feeling for him just because I don’t get to see or speak to him till then, and if I do he’s willing to take the risk to improve himself for a better future. He also said we’re getting back together and we don’t have to meet new people as for dating but just as a connection for new career opportunities or new friendship. He also added he can’t wait to see me in February and find about my self improvement and changes in life. I agreed but then I’m debating if I should give him hard time or not. I told him the whole purpose of this break is not only to miss the other person, but to find your self and understanding you don’t need the other person but you really understand their VALUE better and WANT them to be part of your life. He agreed and I’m glad we talked and set boundaries. My only question is what do you think about this … will he start self improving himself for a month and half or he just say that wishing I forget about him? Should I wait for him? I always trusted on what he said, because he always did what he said. He also texted me yesterday said “ We got the xmas card. Thanks babe! Both you and Lola are looking great in the pics. I grabbed the card before Loki could rip it up lol“ he also send me pictures of his dog Loki because he know I love his dog like he is mine.
Rhea

December 26, 2019 at 4:22 pm

Hi,

My boyfriend and I met two months ago. He is 10 years older. Our relationship from the get go was so calm and mature and perfect that he told me he loved me a month later. Until about 2 weeks ago, everything was perfect. He texted me every morning and we stayed in touch, hung out, got to know each other. He has talked to me about marriage, children, our families, etc. But about two weeks ago he started to phase out. He still texted me every morning, but his messages became less and less frequent, to the point that all I got from him was the morning message. When I asked him why that is, he answered that he is extremely busy with work, holiday season obligations, etc. Long story short, I made a mistake of turning into the nagging “don’t you love me anymore” and “did you meet someone else” girlfriend, all via texts. For two days I sent him outbursts of messages clearly showing my mood swings. Until I finally wrote that I understand what I’ve done. he wrote back and thanked me for acknowledging. Afterwards, though, not much changed, he went back to one message per day thing. I hung on for a week, but then brought it up again. The reason I did that was because holidays were nearing and I wanted to plan something romantic for our first celebration together. But it didn’t seem as important to him. I bought his gift a while ago. So 3 days before Christmas I dropped it off at his door step. I thought this would be a fun ice-breaker, so to say. I texted him and told him there is a package waiting for him. He said he’ll get it when he’s back home. I stayed up all night waiting for a message, but he never even texted to even acknowledge receiving the gift. I texted him a day later, to which he wrote back with “yes love, i got it, thank you, i will call you later.” He never did. Christmas morning he texted me with “merry christmas love,” and I wrote back “merry christmas” a few hours later. And that was it. So, long story short, we didn’t have the break-up conversation, he hasn’t talked to me about anything that bothers him, but he phased out. There has been no communication since Christmas morning. At this point, I don’t know where we stand. I know I made a ridiculous mistake by being insecure and clingy, but I feel like I’ve done everything I could to fix my mistake, I even apologized. Maybe he considered me giving him that gift too needy, who knows. I love and care for him very much, but I’m starting to feel like I’m humiliating myself. It hurts. I gave him a gift and had to check back with him to get a “thank you.” Is this beyond repair?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 30, 2019 at 10:00 pm

Hi Rhea, so if you want to get your ex back, you need to give it some time and go into a No Contact and work on yourself for 30 days read about the Ungettable girl. As your guy doesnt seem to be wanting to have the break up conversation with you hes just going to let it drift. So I think if you give him the space he will be forced to come to you to talk or you can reach out at the end of your NC as a friend and see what sort of reaction you get from him then

Lola

December 23, 2019 at 3:56 am

Hello,
My ex boyfriend and I ended on 12/13/19 due to his depression we also broke up back in June of this year but he wanted to be in contact and see me every weekend! And then we got back together midway which wasn’t sound like a break up. We both have different therapist and he also seeing a psychotherapist. He’s on meds and dealing with severe depression adhd and even taken TMS theraphy any how he flipped out on me on the phone conversation when we were trying to arrange something for the Weekend and I was being mad, so I told him “when we make plans we want to be on it” And said just make sure he doesn’t “F it up”. (He doesn’t work and live at his moms house and has a history of being late and not being able to wake up on time, miss appointments and lots of other issues due to his depression.)He got really mad and immediately, and told me “you know what, I’m done! I’ve never will speak with you again!” And hung up the phone! However, he came later on that night, to pick up something which he had left at my house last weekend, he didn’t want to talk and left. We chatted later that night and I explained I didn’t really mean it to say the thing I said “don’t F it up”. I was always by his side during hard time and supported him and showed him love and kindness. At first he said I wasn’t being supportive in as he has told me that he needed to work in his issues before coming back to the relationship by taking a break and I was pressuring him. I just wanted to say that he doesn’t communicate his feelings and doesn’t communicate the plans with me properly. Anyhow, the day after the break up he said he comes over to pick up another stuff from my house on tomorrow. Any he didn’t take everything which was at my house that day. He texted me in his reply “Thanks, I’m trying to stay positive and reading that last text proves to me the positive changes you’ve made with yourself but both of us have so much more to do. If you truly are supportive of what I’m saying, then prove it by doing the hard things…let me go. Forget about me and Loki (his 1.5 yrs old dog which we got as a puppy)Focus on yourself and the things I know you can achieve. Pour all of your heart,time, and energy into taking care of yourself and taking care of Lola(My dog). Do that, and I promise that I will check back in with you in 6 months to see how you’re doing and tell you how I’ve been doing and revisit this relationship. Most importantly though… Do those things for yourself and because you want to improve your life. We both love you two too. I know this will be hard, but I truly think this is for the best for both of us”. He Initiate the no contact then and I agreed and I said I can’t respect that. He texted me “ I know that it’s gonna be hard and hurt for both of us but thanks for respecting it. I wanted to text you last night to say how weird it felt not being with you on a Friday like I told my friends, but I was able to stop myself. I will call tmrw to plan a time to come by and get the sewing machine”
“We are 100% on the same page. Please don’t even let the thought cross your mind that I am planning to replace you.. as lonely as it was last night, I don’t need or want anyone else in my life. If I’m lonely, I have my family and friends and best of all, Loki will always be there to comfort me as I know Lola will be there for you.love you“
We didn’t talk till last Tuesday on 12/18 he texted me out of the blue
“ Hey babe, hope you’re hanging in there.. It’s been very hard for me so far and I’m sure it’s the same for you. I just wanted to tell you to be on the lookout tmrw for Santa cause he should be dropping off something at your house . Love you”
I’ve old him same here and my friend sent me a very good book that I’m reading to improve personality and self improvement.
He responded “ Sounds like you’re doing well and that was nice of Alma… that book looks like it can be very helpful and I hope you read it! Let me know that you get what Santa brings you tmrw and if it’s damaged or anything”. He called me the next day and we talked and it turned out peacefully he said maybe we can slowly start talking once a week not pressuring each other of individual problems and eventually would like Ike to come see me once a week and eventually maybe a visit once a week.But it’s something we both need to think about and discuss to the therapist first. he would like me to send him a pictures of me and my dog Lola as a Xmas card. He broke the no contact by calling and texting me Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and on Friday he said this “ we are not supposed to be talking and I feel like I made a mistake calling earlier cause it’s barely been a week even though it was sort of an emergency about your period. Gotta have patience and discipline for this to work Thanks for understanding babe.. not trying to be mean.“ since then I didn’t not replied or talked to him. I’m really confused as he broke the no contact rule after only 5 days and told me in the on the phone that he was going to text me and tell me on Saturday, Sunday a Monday that this whole breakup is way harder than he though. What does he expect me to do? Wait for him? I’ve known him since 2011 been together 5 years could you please give me some advice?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 23, 2019 at 7:32 pm

Hey Lola, so if you were going to try to get him back then you can start with a No Contact and work on yourself during that time where you do not speak to him at all for a minimum of 30 days. When you are done with no contact you can reach out as a friend and try to reconnect as a friend first, hopefully by that time he has worked on himself with therapy to be in a better place to be with you. But you also need to be patient and understanding that he is going through some issues himself and that has nothing to do with you and the relationship.

Annie

December 17, 2019 at 10:29 pm

Help.. 7yr relationship both in our 40s..live with our children in separate homes. I have ended relationship as the 10 hours a week we sprnt together isnt enough fo5 me anf i feel lonely when together due to his addiction to gaming on phone. We dont have a connection. He claims to love me but doesnt feel need to be intimate that much according to him. I want better for myself and after endless texts calls and me showing up at his trying to talk i feel completely unheard. Feeling hurt and frustrated as in beginning he showed someone i fell for. Day 4 of NC and doubt he even notices i havent been in touch. Wasting my time? Yoir input would br greatly appreciated. Too old for games. Thank you in anticipation.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 21, 2019 at 11:11 pm

Hi Annie, so you did the right thing ending the relationship so that your ex knows that you were unhappy but I suggest during your no contact that you start dating, where you show him that you are looking for someone who is goign to give you what you want from a relationship. If he cares he will realise that he is going to really lose you and up his game to get you back. You can not make him change, or ask him to change, he has to want to change himself and want to do that long term too so make sure he is committed to making it work, look for a local couple therapist to help you get through the hard times if you do get back

Anonymous

December 17, 2019 at 2:48 pm

I tried to post a comment but it seems like it didn’t publish?

I wanted some advice because I feel like I may have initiated the no contact rule incorrectly. My ex fiancé and I broke up at the end of september (his choice). He said he hasn’t been happy for awhile. We lived together at the time so of course emotions were high and a lot of begging happened because I wanted to work it out. Before I moved out he said he was having second thoughts and that he loved me. I moved out in November… we talked everyday and we had dinners weekly. I was thinking things were headed in a good direction for us. However, the last dinner we had which was last Friday on our way home he had his GPS up and I glanced over and it and saw that he just got a notification from a girl on a dating website. I was obviously upset so I said “Oh you are on a dating app?” and he was like “yea I’m single”. I was just confused after all of our interactions and things he was saying to me (he even just bought me a snowboard for Christmas). So the remainder of the night we had some talks about the relationship… he was annoyed and he was like “I don’t even know if I want this I feel like you just moved out and I need time, I want you to be happy and move on and not feel like you are hanging on to hope”. We ended up watching a movie together on the couch and then I ended up leaving to go home. He texted me when I got home thanking me for dinner. I then replied saying you’re welcome. I then sent another text to him saying something along the lines of “Hey, I dont want you to think I am doing this out of hate, because it is far from that… but I need to remove you from my life so I can move on. This is the healthiest way for me to do it. I appreciate everything we have shared and only want the best for you. I care for you so much. Good luck. No need to reply its really okay.” He ended up replying saying he completely understands and that he hopes he can see me again when I am ready. He loves and cares for me so much and if I need anything he is a phone call away. I didn’t reply. The next night he drunk dialed me 6 times and I didn’t answer. We haven’t talked since that last text message. I just want some advice on if I started this no contact correctly… if the way I went about it was wrong… etc..
Sue

December 17, 2019 at 2:17 pm

I am not sure if I “messed up” the way I began no contact. My ex and I were engaged planning our wedding which was this upcoming march. He broke up with me in September saying he was unhappy for awhile. We were living together at the time so of course there was a lot of emotions going on with begging and hoping to work things out. I finally found a new apt to move to in November. We were talking every day since I moved out and going out to dinners weekly. Well this past week we went out to dinner and on the car ride home I saw he got a message from someone on a dating app while he had his gps up. I of course said “oh you are on a dating site now?” (I felt hurt because we have been talking every day and there has been mention of him possibly wanting to work things out later). He immediately said he is single and bored which is why he is on that dating app. This led to another argument and him saying he doesn’t even know if he wants this relationship and he feels like I just moved out. He then said I should be happy and try to move on and not wait around. We ended the night by watching a movie at his place then I left. He texted me thanking me for dinner and it was delicious. I responded with your welcome. The I sent another text saying something along the lines of “Hey, I just want you to know I am not doing this out of hate, because it is far from that… but I need to remove you from my life in order for me to move on in a healthy way if this is not what you want right now. I appreciate everything we have shared and I care about you so much. I only wish the best for you. good luck, no need to respond its really okay”. He ended up responding saying that he understands and that he hopes that he can see me one day when I am ready and that he loves and cares for me so much and if I ever need him that he is a phone call away. That was on Friday and I haven’t talked to him since. He drunk dialed me six times on Saturday but he has been silent since. Just looking for some guidance here. Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2019 at 4:02 pm

Hi Sue I have answered you previously I’m sure and I still say you need to do a No Contact, a full 30 day one. Where you work on yourself and spend some time to become Ungettable. Do not meet up with him until you have completed a full no contact and even then you need to spend some weeks texting and getting to know each other as a “new you” impression building up to a meet up naturally

A confused dumpee

December 12, 2019 at 5:03 pm

Hi there!
I left a comment previously but it seems as though it wasn’t published.
I was seeing this really great guy for about 7 months. We’ve known each other longer. We were really happy until his ex, whom he shares a child with, came into the picture. She called me and ordered me to stay away from him. Prior to this, we had spoken about what would happen if something such as this were to happen. He said how much it would hurt him if he had to end things with me in order to prevent the mother of his child from keeping his daughter away from him. When she called me, I had a massive argument with her which caused him to break up with me. I was hurt. In result to this, I blew up his phone with angry texts and calls. I immediately blocked his number thereafter. I was mad that he didn’t stand up for us. It’s been 2 months since the incident. I don’t know if he tried to reach out during that period of NC. I recently saw him at his place of work where he was staring at me while talking to his colleagues. I am eager to reach out to him as I miss him alot. During the NC, I realised how much he meant to me. What was going through his mind when he saw me in person again after 2 months, does he miss me too? How do I get the courage to talk to him again and hopefully start over as friends? Please help me 🙁

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 15, 2019 at 7:56 pm

Hey There I remember your post and I also remember replying to it, it may have just got lost in the 100s. So hopefully you see this one. Now what you need to do is unblock him, and reach out in a friendly way. Another thing you need to do this time is not argue with his ex, let him deal with her its none of your business to be talking with her when you are not in a long term relationship. If you were to become a thing and then he wanted to be with you then she is within her right to know what sort of person you are as her child would eventually be around you. It sounds as if the ex isnt over him or does not want him to move on for whatever reasons. But you need to understand that it is his business not yours, so if you have her calling you or texting you, let him know and let him deal with it you can easily block her from giving you grief

Lilato

December 12, 2019 at 3:21 pm

My boyfriend has a gf now,he still keeps in touch but the current gf found out about and sent me nasty messagers,I stil love him and he says he loves me to and wants to be with me but that girl has been there for him since we’ve broken up.its been 7 months since we broke up but he never stopped asking that we fix things between us..wil going in the NC bring him back to me or wil it make him and the current gf get closer.we dated for 6years

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 15, 2019 at 7:15 pm

Hi Lilato so you definitely need to consider what your ex is doing here he is telling you one thing and he is more than likely telling her another. You need to decide if he is who you want to be with, if he is then you need to do the being there method where you make the new girlfriend feel like a threat but you need to not argue with her, or fall out with him over her either. You also need to start dating so that if your ex feels you are moving on from him and maybe meet someone else it will force him to decide between you and the new girl.

comfused_bunny

December 9, 2019 at 12:20 am

Hi there!
I was seeing this amazing guy for about 6 months, we’ve known each other for longer. Before we became official, we were amazing friends who would talk on the phone all the time. Also, before we became official, I knew the fact that he has a baby with someone prior to meeting me. I continued to date him because I love kids, he never made me feel as though I was competing with his ex and kid, and I loved him too, still do. Recently, the mother of his child reached out to me and told me to stop seeing him. I was frustrated. I told him about it but before we could meet up to discuss what our next move would be, her and I got into a huge argument which resulted to him being mad at me and he decided to end things with me. He also told me that he never wanted to. He had always made his intentions known to me, such as how he wanted us to be together for a long time and hoped this is more than just a fling, reminded me how much it would hurt him if he ever had to leave me for the sake of his family’s expectations, how much it always made him smile hearing the sound of my voice. He said he had forgiven me for the argument I had with her, but a few days after the incident, I decided to call him. He heard my voice and hung up. I was so confused because I had thought he had forgiven me for acting irrationally. I was so hurt that I blew up his phone with phone calls and texts that were hurtful and that I didn’t mean because I felt as though he needed to sit his family down as a man and tell them he has moved on and is now with another woman which was me. Sure, 6 months is too soon to introduce me to family but we both had the intention of making our relationship long term. I was mad at the fact that he didn’t stand up for our relationship. I decided to break all contact immediately. I blocked his number from calls and texts so I don’t know if he has tried to reach out. It’s been over a month and I decided to unblock his number in hopes of him contacting me. I am afraid to break the “no contact” because of the texts I sent to him when I was angry and I recently saw him at his place of work. I was with some friends and I looked extremely happy as I wanted to give him the impression that I was “living my best life” after the break up. He was staring at me the entire time. My friends also confirmed this. He never approached me but he just stood there, staring at me. I always knew how much he loved me by the way he looked at me. Seeing him again made me realize how much I miss him and how happy he made me feel. His colleague approached me and asked me if I had still been working at the previous place I worked at. I told him, “no” and he made a snarky comment about me moving on too fast. My friends and I think the comment had a double meaning and meant for the pun to be intended as a reference to me moving on from my ex too fast. What should I do? How do I break the no contact and at least try to be friends again? What was going through his head when he saw me after more than a month of “no contact”? Is he still mad at me for the angry texts I sent and me fighting with the mother of his child?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 14, 2019 at 9:32 pm

Hey there, so I cant really tell you what was going through his mind seeing you 100% but if you looked good, happy and confident then he would more than likely be wondering what you are doing with your life right now so making sure your social media looks good is important after him seeing you. And as for being angry fighting with the ex. Thats something you are going to have to avoid doing if you and he are to develop into something again. If you have done no contact and want to get this guy back you are going to have to reach out but make sure you are doing so with a text that Chris explains in his articles and YouTube videos

Aastha

December 7, 2019 at 11:50 am

Hi. Our relationship was perfect. However due to circumstances I had to leave the country and we couldn’t stay in touch for almost 2 years. He was really angry and wouldn’t talk to me. Now that I am back. I tried to call him twice. I apologised for leaving him however he wouldn’t forgive me. He declined my proposal of friendship. The next time I called him, I told him that I love him and I really miss him. It’s been 4 years since we talked that way. He listened but did not say a single word. I know he loves me a lot. What should I do ? Please help me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 8, 2019 at 9:51 pm

Aastha, you have been broken up a long time and not spoken in a long time so to come back and be very emotional and expect him to be open to this is not realistic, you need to approach this as if you were getting to know someone new. Things change over time, so within 4 years can mean he could be a totally different person, you need to approach him as a friend that you have not spoken to in a while

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