The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,279 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Ella

November 5, 2013 at 12:17 am

Hi Chris,

Can the angry guy ever start missing you on his own? Or will he be drown in anger and will need initiation from my part (after NC period of course) for him to maybe think of the good times we used to have? I am contemplating to actually go 2 months without contact because: 1. I don’t think I will be strong enough yet and 2. for the anger to dissipate, but will it?

admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:34 pm

Absolutely he can! He can start missing you.

anonymous

November 4, 2013 at 10:29 pm

Don’t you think that NC rule can also make an ex and you grow apart especially if it’s long distance relationship? I mean if it didn’t work out because of the distance but say it was only for a definite period like for a few months … well surely having NC all that time either or both would most likely move on :/

admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:31 pm

Its possible but hopefully your connection was strong enough for that not to happen.

Jessica

November 4, 2013 at 9:53 pm

So my no contact is over tomorrow. I am going to guess here that my ex is Clueless. With him admitting that he hasn’t had a g/f before me in a really long time and the fact that he didn’t know he had to get me something for my birthday…I’m pretty sure that he is clueless. So he is the Clueless no contact at all guy! 🙁 With that being said since he just moved to Austin in July I also think he wanted to have fun for a while after living in a horribly boring city, Tulsa. So maybe he is looking for other girls to date. I’m sure you may remember me, I’ve commented on your LDR blog a few times. One of his best friends is going to see him this coming weekend (after my NC is over) and said that I would most likely come up in conversation and that he will put in a good word for me basically. He himself said that my ex still has some growing up to do. With that being said I am not sure if I should contact him until after his friend visits him. What do you think? Thanks so much for your blog and advice!!! it has really really helped me plus I am proud to say that I survived NC with no slip ups.

admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:27 pm

Do it after his friend visits him.
Jessica

November 12, 2013 at 11:04 pm

Hi Chris!
So I got the scoop from his friends gf, who I am friends with and she said he asked about me, How I was doing, and his friend just told him I was doing good. They don’t talk that much anymore and they were going to a big music festival in Austin so I’m sure relationship talk was the last thing on their minds. Still not feeling so confident about texting him though. Should I start with a text that is more like “I saw this and it reminded me of you…” type thing or “So I was thinking…” type text where he has to answer? I haven’t thought of anything yet. Except for this fact that a girl I know got a HUGE tattoo down her side (and he hates tattoos on girls) and it made me think of him. But that is prob too negative. Still haven’t heard from him since the break-up call. I am back to going on dates with guys and keeping my FB positive and fun. A little shocked he hasn’t realized what he is losing yet. Also I have been in NC for 37 days. Should I give it more time? Just let me know your thoughts, thank you Chris!
admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:00 pm

I think you can break NC and try to contact him.
Jessica

November 15, 2013 at 9:50 pm

SO I finally decided to break NC and text him today on Day 40 of NC. I Followed your lead and said “Hey, remember the time we rode the trolley through downtown? Haha, I’m going to this Holiday thing tomorrow, was thinking of riding that and it reminded me of you. That was fun.” he responded about 8 min. later saying “Of course I do. That was a good day. Is the party on the trolley or you’re taking it to the party?” Then 20 min later he said “Hope everything is good with you.” I responded ab an hour later just saying “Probably just taking it around the area. Should be fun.” And then that was it he hasn’t responded and it’s been 2.5 hrs. I guess that the end of the convo. I wanted to end it but he didn’t give me a chance to! So next I should send a Meme? When should I do that? Do you think him saying Hope everything is good…is a bad thing like ok great hope everything is good still don’t want to be with you type thing? Please let me know your thoughts bc what I really want to say to him is Yeah everything is grrreat a**hole, it’d be a lot better if I were with you! ha. Thank you Chris!
admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:55 pm

Day 40 WOW.

Hmm I would engage him in a convo and then send the meme.
Jessica

November 17, 2013 at 5:09 pm

Soo last night I got deunk and at the end of the night text him “I miss you.” Ughh did I just ruin everything? Not sure if he’ll text back anything.
admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:30 pm

No way, its not even that big of a deal. Just next time have a friend guard your phone fo ryou.
Jessica

November 19, 2013 at 4:26 pm

Thank you Chris, I just want to say you’re the best for always answering us. It is soo helpful! He did end up answering me that night saying “So I didn’t know how to respond when I saw that text this morning. I miss you too of course.” That was 2 days ago, I never responded to him. I knew exactly what he was thinking (How do I respond to that since we are broken up?)So I wasn’t sure how to respond unless I said yes I know. He’s turning 33 Dec. 6th I think I am going to send him a card and with a small gift card in there to whole foods bc he always goes there. I think he just needs time to mature, even at 33 and realize what he does want in a woman. I’m not sure what the next step is…
Jessica

November 27, 2013 at 10:02 pm

Lol sorry. Should I send him the card or not? I think I am leaning toward sending it bc he won’t expect it.
admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:22 am

If it was me I wouldn’t send it BUT you know your situation better so do what you feel is best.
Jessica

November 27, 2013 at 6:00 am

I hope it’s ok I continue the thread. Like I said his Birthday is coming up. Dec. 6th he’ll be 33. Juat a refresher we broke up my birthday weekend and he got me no gift. Pathetic. Anyway after thei miss you text he responded 10 hrs later saying “I didn’t know how to respond wheni read that text this morning. I miss you too of course.” Soo for his birthday I was thinking of sending him a birthday card witha small gift card to Whole Foods bc he goes there all the time. The card says on the front “I know exactly what you’re thinking. … inside it says “a birthday card, you shouldn’t have! Well I did. Enjoy. ” Hope you have a happy birthday. Do you think this is a good thing to do just to show him I’m sweet? Well he knows I like doing those things anyway for friends etc. He already knows I’m sweet Hah. Just would like to know the thought process that might go through his head. He is a nice sincere guy so I don’t think he would think Oh I have power over her. Or would it have more effect on him to not send anything or even tell him Happy Birthday? And then him be upset I didn’t do anything? But then I think about he could have another girl there and I have to do something to make him remember me…?? Thanks Chris! :-/
admin

November 27, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Ok, thats a barrage of questions and I am not all there today haha. Can you just ask me one question and we go from there 🙂
admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:50 pm

I guess patience in that case.
Jessica

November 13, 2013 at 2:54 pm

I just really want him to contact me and miss me first…I’m just not sure if I should wait on him to do that. And confused as to why it hasn’t already happened!
admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:44 pm

Well only time has that answer.

And you need to wait a bit first.

Andreaax

November 4, 2013 at 5:40 pm

If the guy is a mix of almost all of the above, well, what then?

Or, I mean, he doesn’t talk to me, but he shoots in a text once every other week like this “So, was it fun hooking up with my best friend?” In a angry tone, even though I only spoke with the best friend. You know like, dramatic and passive angry ways to speak. What is that all about?

admin

November 5, 2013 at 4:53 pm

If he is a mix then deep down I think he would still like to hear from you but he is stubborn so you need to be patient with him.
Andreaax

November 5, 2013 at 9:32 pm

Patient how? Should I respond, or what should I do? It’s like he’s starting conversations to fight, doesn’t seem like he want to befriend me, but still talks?

justina

November 4, 2013 at 12:16 pm

My guy is the angry guy..Is 30 day no contact sufficient for angry guy??

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:37 pm

It should be BUT you can extend it if you want.

Christina

November 4, 2013 at 8:06 am

Hi Chris,

Nice post!

I commented on another post of my ldr bf. He broke me up cuz he find fighting in ldr torturing, and resent me pushing too hard. I begged, but he sent mean msgs back. So now I’m doing NC for 10 days. His life is going as usual, and I felt he looks happy without the burden from the relationship.

, apparently his aftertaste is bitterness of ldr, not the sweetness before, which he says “we only have sweet moments on small things, but fight all time on important issues”, and he also used to say “after a break up, friends can totally replace girlfriends”, and now he is around friends all time? Is he angry, stubborn or clueless?

Thanks,
Christina

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:37 pm

Maybe a combo of all three. But I also think that the “fake reality” type thing is going on with him.
Christina

November 4, 2013 at 8:08 am

My questions was: will NC work on him, since he’s living a happy life, and seems friends can perfectly help him recover.
admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:37 pm

Yup I think it can.

anonymous

November 4, 2013 at 7:51 am

I just wanna say thank you chris for all your guides! Here’s a virtual hug for you. HUGS! Hahahaha. i’m still in the midst of winning my ex back (just went on a lunch date with him) that date went pretty well if i do say so myself. i’m thinking of casually letting a few days of NC to see if he would initiate contact or ask me out. What if i don’t get a second date eh? What should i do next?

Anyway thank you for the hours you put into writing these guides! I probably won’t have made it through this far with my ex if it weren’t for you 🙂

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:36 pm

Virtual hug alright!

Second date see if he asks you first. Just put your focus on buttering him up for a second date.

Your welcome. Comments like these make it all worth it.
anonymous

November 6, 2013 at 5:33 am

Trying to butter him up! I’ve been initiating contact these past 2wks. And while his replies sound enthusiastic. He has yet to make any first moves on me. I slip up a qns to him in a msg yesterday. Asked him if he still has feelings for me. He said “maybe, a bit”. How do i know if thats enough to continue to push through or i should just give up?
admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:30 pm

Just keep upping things then. You are on the right track.
anonymous

November 6, 2013 at 11:27 am

“Every time I talk to a woman that I am dating or a woman I am interested in I look at every single interaction as a power struggle. This is especially true when it comes to who texts who first and who calls who first.”

I have the exact same problem now! I’m also very stubborn when it comes to that. So i guess its not entirely a male thing. Hahaha.

Now that NC is over. How do i know if he’s just really being stubborn by not texting or calling me first or is he just plain not interested in me anymore?
admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:41 pm

Haha knew that comment would come back to bite me but its true.

Maybe its just a human thing when it comes to relationships.

Sandy

November 4, 2013 at 7:50 am

He’s in between the stubborn and the angry guy. He said a lot of hurtful and even disrespectful things to me when I broke up with him. So.. I think I just answered my question he’s the angry guy. He’s an amazing guy with a great heart but he definitely needs work with his anger issues. It’s been about 10 days with NC from both parties.. What exactly do I have to do? I mean I want to know more about the angry guy and his thoughts and so on.. It was a rocky relationship but there was def love there. Help?

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:34 pm

But the real question is does he really mean those things or is he just saying them because he is upset?

Just keep the focus on YOU for now.
Sandy

November 8, 2013 at 3:27 am

Okay. WARNING: This might be long

So ten days went by without any type of contact. I was doing just fine, focusing on work, even doing double shifts. On day eight I had a really rough day, my mom got robbed and cops were involved it was just simply horrible. I was very tempted to look for him as he was the support I got used to. I decided not to call and deal with it on my own.

Two days later, my dad ends up in trauma and for some reason, once again I think of him. I called him but to sincerely let him know about my father and nothing more. He said he had found out about my mom and the whole situation since I had put it up on Instagram (which I wish he would’ve called to see if we were okay). He proceeded to ask me how I myself was doing and coping with everything, his tone of voice implied how I was doing without him. I simply said busy, working doubles and even picking up a second job. He somehow brought it back to us. He apologized for the way he reacted when I had broken things off, that he felt so hurt he felt the need to hurt me back and that he was very sorry. He said he doesn’t understand why I broke things off when everything was simply so fine and all of the sudden I did what I did. He even asked me if I was seeing someone else, if that was really the real reason. He mentioned how he couldn’t sleep the first few nights and he didn’t know why he continued following me on Instagram because every time he saw a picture of me it crushed him.

I had broken things off because I had told him I needed a break to figure things out financially within home, balancing out school and work. That was NOT the reason, and in the end it was partially true because I got very busy within that short amount of time I hadn’t spoken with him. My reason for breaking up with him or asking for a “break” was because I religiously/culturally cannot be with him. And as much as I wanted to wing it out, I want to avoid the drama and I saw how it was suffocating him the stuff I had to abide to which he doesn’t.

When I asked for the break I thought it would be easier to break up because he would think I would need the break and eventually get back with him when my intentions were to never return to the relationship. (I know it sounds bad, but I honestly don’t want him to resent my real reason, family, beliefs and cultural. I rather he spent the rest of his life hating me)
And he flipped saying he wasn’t a chump or the type of guy to wait around on the couch, he proceeded to say really hurtful things. (And another thing is that whenever he’d get mad, his personality would completely change and say very extremely rude things. I let it slide a few times even though I did not accept it because I can honestly and bravely say all are arguments came down to me, especially the fact of our differences in beliefs. I have a lot of pride and I want to be as respected as I would respect my partner, but I got fed up of someone always talking down on me when they were mad. I thought of the future and if it would always be like that, its almost a lose-lose situation with him. Regardless, I love him but I think of those situations when I miss him and I find myself NOT wanting to talk to him, and it makes me feel super stupid to even think of him because of those moments were things got heated between us. I feel that in that part, he put me on that pedestal.) anyways..

Well, he said he wanted to know my real reason behind it all. I told him I would call him back because nurses called me in to see my father. I didn’t reply to his call until later that night and he didn’t pick up. Minutes later he called me but i wasn’t around my phone. He left me three text messages. One saying he was showering when I called, apologizing for not picking up. He then sent me a YouTube link with a song. and then a third one saying for some reason that song reminded him of me. I didn’t reply until maybe two hours later asking if he was up. He said he was but he was out in a bar. So I said have fun. He said I can text you though. And then he said he hoped everything was fine with my father, and then he was attempting to write a full text saying that he wanted to keep in touch even though we aren’t friends and that we might not hang out and I guess he cut off and just sent it like that. I told him I didn’t think Id want to do that through text. If he wanted to say something to me or finish the conversation we were having during the afternoon to call me when he was ready. He said sorry and that he would call me tomorrow. Once again saying he hoped everything was alright with my dad, I didn’t say anything regarding my dad and just said goodnight. I kept cutting him off early.

Yesterday, I woke up to a text from him at 6am saying he hadn’t slept yet and that I was on his mind. I didn’t reply and went about with my day. Hours later he said hey. sorry about the drunk text last nights. No reply from my part and an hour later he said that he wanted to talk to me and finish yesterday’s talk, to call him when I could. “I work tonight” “So should we talk tomorrow””?” and I said “yes” and he replied with “k”. And finally, today I haven’t called or text him and neither has he done to me.

I don’t know what this guy is thinking. He completely attacks me the day we broke up saying the cruelest things and yes, I get I contacted him first but not for the reasons he thought. At some point after that, I wondered why I had called him.. when he has nothing to do with my dad. I recall him also saying that just when he was at the point of getting over the stage of missing me, I show up again. I don’t know, I feel like I can’t trust him and not because of other things but of the way he’s hurt me, verbally.

I’m here wondering if I should call or just let things be.. Its’s not letting me focus at all.

I feel legitimately stupid for feeling like this.

Btw, I’m 21, he’s 29 and has two kids who live with his ex. I would expect him to act mature and not backfire to every time I “hurt” him.
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:43 pm

Well, this is one heck of a complicated situation.

You want to know my honest opinion. The age difference is contributing. YOu are at different places in your lives and he feels that.

He obviously doesn’t know how to handle a breakup though.
abby

November 5, 2013 at 12:30 pm

Chris!
my ex also like that! i mean, he is in the middle between angry guy n stubborn guy.. he did say mean stuff to me.. then i started the NC n after that i text-ed him on facebook.. he replied it straight up! Is that means that he miss me?

by the way, is there anyway ‘revenge guy’? because my ex seems like having revenge on me by commenting a lot on his female friends facebook.. and he seems like he’s faking his happiness..

what do you think?
admin

November 5, 2013 at 6:29 pm

Oh FOR SURE there is. Dang, I wish I had written about that Ahhhhh.
abby

November 6, 2013 at 9:02 am

well.. make a new one! about the revenge guy! and about the fake happiness.. and whta would he think after that.. 🙂
admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:37 pm

You girls are so demanding 😉 jk jk.
abby

November 7, 2013 at 8:42 am

no im not.. i just got excited if you will write about the revenge guy.. haha.. i don’t mind if you don’t want to write about it.. what is JK?
admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:23 pm

Just kidding = JK

Revenge guy its such a catchy title.
abby

November 8, 2013 at 9:47 am

aah.. i see.. 🙂

leah

November 4, 2013 at 7:19 am

does it still count as NC if your ex is the one who kind of initiated the NC rule? like he didn’t respond to me and as such i left it lone for a week and he replied and i responded back and he didn’t respond back – from there i decided to start NC (before i read your website)… after 35 days of NC i contacted him – we’ve been talking maybe every 2-3 days now (its been a month… sigh). and every time we talk its a walk down memory lane – we always talk about the good things in the relationship and how it made us feel. he’s also commented on a few things that I used to do for him that he misses. i also made sure that the text ratio is ~ 1:1. sometimes i don’t respond and let him pick up the conversation again even though he was the last to respond. however, knowing my ex – he falls under the “stubborn” guy as in the past he was always chased – and i was the first girl he had to chase. it’s been a month of hitting him hard with the good memories of our relationship and he hasn’t tried to meet up in person or set up a way to meet up in person (although he keeps saying ohhh one day we’ll have to do this! or i need to give you back this)…. should i be the one to suggest meeting up for a lunch/coffee (not dinner as that seems too much)? in the meantime during the NC and while i’ve been talking to my ex i’ve been doing things for myself like exercising, going out with new potential guys, hanging out with my girlfriends and family. at the moment the pain isn’t as apparent and i know i don’t need him (like i know i can find someone else etc) but i want to work things out because i don’t want to look back and regret not trying. thanks chris!

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:32 pm

I think it still counts.

Go ahead and suggest a meet up. Maybe something with friends involved so it seems less threatening.
Leah

November 9, 2013 at 5:40 am

also based on the fact that we talk often (should i ease up on the frequency? – i’m worried i’ll turn to a text gnat) do you think i still have a chance? my nc was 35 days and ended oct 1 – so we’ve been in the texting phase for a little over a month… i’m patient but i’m worried that his feelings for me will dwindle and no matter how much i can text memories into his head it might not work. it’s been 3 months since we’ve broken up so i’ve started to adjust to the idea of him not in my life – but he chased for 3 months and then we dated for 6.5/7 — 3 months is ~1/2 of our relationship… do you think i’d still have a chance?
admin

November 10, 2013 at 1:01 am

Of course!
Leah

November 11, 2013 at 1:51 am

but don’t you find after a threshold of time the chances dwindle?
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:11 pm

Yes that is true. After a certain amount of time your chances fall. However, I think it all revolves around the emotional connection you have with that person and your ability to continuously tap into it.
Leah

November 9, 2013 at 5:37 am

what else would you suggest? part of our breakup was based on an argument that involved his female best friend. he promised to go to my convocation ceremony before we broke up (at his best friends convocation ironically) and it’s coming up this monday – should i invite him to that? my friends will be there -but i feel like i will only be able to talk to him for a few minutes before i have to attend to taking pictures with everyone else. plus we were pretty serious and my family & extended family who are attending have also met him before and they know we broke up. would you think the invitation to convocation is a good/bad idea? what other suggestions do you have?
admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:56 am

Hmm… if you are still in NC I wouldn’t
Leah

November 10, 2013 at 9:33 pm

my nc was 35 days and ended oct 1 – so over a month ago; would u still recommend?
admin

November 10, 2013 at 10:05 pm

What do you think? re do it or not?
Leah

November 11, 2013 at 1:50 am

just for clarification… re do what? i was thinking of inviting him so then its not like a crazy serious thing and meet up for a few minutes and theres other people around since he’s already on the campus (he’s still in post grad program)?
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:16 pm

The truth is that you know your situation better than I do so if your gut is telling you to do something I would go with it!
leah

November 4, 2013 at 7:28 am

i’m worried that if i ask him to coffee or lunch i’ll be the puller 🙁 and i want to be the pusher :p
admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:33 pm

I hear you but sometimes in order to get where we want we have to take a chance.

Naina

November 4, 2013 at 6:31 am

Side note: I am that “stubborn girl”, so I am very good at the NC rule to the point that I don’t want to have to text him first. So maybe I’m a little too good at it.

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:59 am

Haha so the two of you are too stubborn to talk to eachother huh?
Naina

November 4, 2013 at 5:35 pm

Hahahaha basically 0:) And thank you for your response in the previous comment!
admin

November 5, 2013 at 4:50 pm

No problem
Naina

November 4, 2013 at 5:45 pm

And basically, I have good reason to be stubborn. He did the whole “you’re going to have a harder time getting over this than me” speech, and I just want to turn the tables on him, hence why I am reallyyy good at NC. If he didn’t say that kind of BS, I would totally have been more willing to contact him after 30 days. I’m also deciding if I even want him back or not. Just in case that I do decide to, I am following these rules to be on the safe side. Who knows, I could possibly change my mind sometime soon.

PS. We love you too! Thank you for all that you do 🙂
admin

November 5, 2013 at 4:55 pm

Well whatever happens or whatever you choose you have all of our support!

Naina

November 4, 2013 at 6:27 am

Question when it comes to the stubborn guy: You didn’t really mention what happens after someone starts to play the victim role. Do they eventually give up the game and text the girl? I am just not sure how you can win with someone like this, since they are probably doing a better job of NC than the girl. Do you still do the contact text after 30 days in this scenario? I feel like that would work against you if you end up texting them first? If you could further clarify how to handle a stubborn guy, that would be greatly appreciated! Thanks 🙂

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:59 am

How is it that I slaved all weekend to get this guide out and within seconds it already has comments?

Gotta say I kind of love this website and everyone reading it :).

Stubborn guys are hard to deal with. The thing to remember about them though is that deep down they do want to talk to you so while you may send your initial text after the 30 days they will likely respond to it.

Now in the event that you sending a text works against you I would say that the stubborness won’t last forever. After a certain amount of time it will subside you just have to realize that the process may take longer than you were hoping.
em

November 4, 2013 at 4:21 pm

first off, thank you once again chris for this. i’m sure everyone is definitely appreciating this guide!

i’ve probably read every article on here 3 times each thusfar, personally. even the ones that didnt apply to me.

for me in my LDR the last time he saw me we had many good moments, but i think hes focusing on the stressful ones that didn’t make it that much fun. which made him not talk to me for 5 days after i left which drove me crazy, and when he did finally talk to me we got in a fight. he was saying it could work out until i said “maybe this won’t work out”. then he decided to break up with me. and i made things worse.

i tried contacting him twice (like i told you) in long messages 15 days after we talked. he ignored them. then i found the site and decided on NC

i have 8 days left. he still has never contacted me.

i think he’s a stubborn guy. he was afraid talking to me he’d develop feelings again (although he said he loved me but wasnt IN love with me) and go through what happened (me wanting him to be more mature about things). i realized i couldve been patient. he kept saying he didnt deserve me and to move on.

i feel like the chances are he didnt respond to my messages because they were long and emotional and kind of begging. i left a bad aftertaste i think. it feels like he’s dropped all feeling for me.

these kinds of guys i feel like love the NC period.

if he’s a combination of being both stubborn and scared (of rejection, not being enough again), do you really think a text can show him otherwise? all i want to do is apologize and tell him i understand and im sorry.

i guess i just have a hard time believing the text thing could bring him back and forgive me and understand me. i even got the TYEB modules.
admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:42 pm

I think it can but the thing you have to remember is to take things really slow. Almost in baby steps. It will take some time but it is very possible. Just be really slow with him.
em

November 5, 2013 at 6:45 pm

i typed up this long message kind of explaining what i think happened and how i went wrong and how i’d like to open things back up between us.

i realized what happened all along is we were both scared about things and never told the other how we felt…because we were scared of losing eachother. that i’m sorry for pushing him away, and that the breakup was a good decision because it’ll allow the chance to develop a deeper friendship.

i’m really, really terrified if i don’t correctly apologize and explain what happened all along he won’t bother trying to talk to me. i guess i should wait until i try the casual memory text and see. but i’m fighting the urge to do this, it makes me feel slightly sick! i’m also scared though if i do send it it’ll be too much (it’s not a very emotional message, its more of an analytic afterthought) he’ll consider it closure and reject it. or picking up may be awkward.

basically, i definitely want things to go slowly. the baby steps. anything that happens so fast is usually over just as fast. but i’m not sure if i should make the these things ive realized known to him first? or if the texts work, wait and ask him if we could talk?

it’s a dumb question, but Chris would you want to know?
admin

November 6, 2013 at 4:43 pm

Maybe you can apologize and then do NC if its bugging you that much.
em

November 7, 2013 at 2:30 pm

i did just that, and i feel much better. i had about 6 days left but it was important i do this to move on. i think though this guy is different, and he;s not going to reply back or reach out or try. i’m not sure what’s going on in his head. his friends and family don’t know, he won’t talk to anybody. he’s kind of just pretending and won’t even acknowledge anything. he didn’t even tell people why he broke up with me.

and trust me, it was never that extreme to warrant ignoring me and all of this. we just both became stressed and scared of the future but never explained it to the other so it put a wall between us. we didn’t talk about our feelings or fears because we were scared of losing the other when it caused just that. any rational person can see this can be overcome.theres no reason why it cant.

but i’ve decided to stay in NC permanently. i laid down the pavement for us to start over and it was reeeeeally good pavement. any sane person would respond back. he loves me, he’s just likely going through something. he needs to learn and mature and realize a lot about himself, myself, our relationship, and the grand scheme of life i think before we can ever talk again. and i’ll leave that up to him.

i stayed positive, and mature, and have no regrets in what i said and if that’s our last “communication” i’ll be okay.

i don’t think i gave up, i think i just accepted the ball just isn’t in my court for this one. some guys are just weird. i feel like your tactics would work on most guys though. my case was weird and i have no control over the other side.

i’d like to hope he’d reply soon. that love would come through WHATEVER weird crap he’s going through or thinking. but you can’t save everyone. i left it up to him. i didn’t believe in fate until we met. everything was perfect minus distance. but if we’re meant to be, HE will come back and ready. he’s not ready right now.and probably won’t for be for months if not years.

one can only do so much, be so understanding, and willing to compromise.

thank you chris for everything. i’ll still come read this site out of curiosity.
admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:36 pm

Of course!

You were an interesting person to meet and stay in touch!
em

November 11, 2013 at 6:29 am

hey chris.

while i felt very good and still dont regret sending my letter as it was very adult and gave me closure he of course ignored it

i found out 3 days later he entered in a relationship with a friend of mine.

i’m so sure it’s a rebound…it’s been only a month and a half since he dumped me, but it just hurts so badly as she’s doing all i wanted to do with him. especially since this friend had always been friendly to me and supported our relationship.

i’m pretty much going to stay in NC for the rest of my life unless he does something, and i don’t think he would or for a long time.

i wanted to send him back the things he gave me. i deleted and removed all traces of him online or in my life and took off family on facebook.

my goal isn’t to get him back. if he wants to try and get me back he’ll have to earn me, but i’ve concluded he’s too young and immature to do that. and if he did it’d be years from now. i don’t really want him back, because this hurt way too much to find out and i’ve done nothing but try and be civil and mature.

does sending back the things send a desperate message?

should i tell him in the package not to send me anything back because i don’t want it or should i just resend it if he sends it to me?
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:32 pm

Man what a great friend you have (eye roll.)

If they are his things I think he is entitled to them.

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