The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,279 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Mia

December 7, 2019 at 2:32 am

I’m in need of advice , my ex & I have been on & off since I was 20 , I’m 26 & hes 27. Our relationship has always been long distance but in May of this year we gave it another try after not speaking for close to a year (I blocked his number & social media) . Things were going really well , we motivated one another & started planning a more serious future. I even took time off of work to visit him for 2 weeks , shortly after this he brought up the idea of me moving there for a short period of time so he could sell his house & then we would move back to my home state of California. We always bicker & make up until yesterday, he had been urging me to put in my notice at work so I could move with him & help with his business, we went back & fourth about when I was would go almost daily. I understand the stress he has running a business & trying to sell his house but I felt he was taking all his stress out on me. For the past few days when we would argue I didn’t like the way he was speaking to me , so yesterday (12/5/19) we argued one again about me putting in my notice. At this point I felt he wanted me out there to help him with his business since his employee is leaving . Our normal routine is me waking him up at 5:30 his time since I am already at work . During our morning phone call he asked when my last day of work would be. After going back & fourth I became annoyed with the way he was wording certain things so I snapped & told him to quit speaking to me like I’m the help. He took offense to what I said & we ended our conversation. He text me hours later saying if that’s how I feel I can stay in California & not to be with him , when I told him I put my notice in he switched up & basically told me that I don’t need to be with him if he makes me feel less than what I am . I stopped responding so the argument wouldn’t be one that we can’t go back from. I wait a few hours & finally text him back speaking on the fact that I put in my two week notice & he decided to end things. He never responded & during the morning I didn’t call to wake him up like I always do. We haven’t talked all day(I haven’t reached out either) , I don’t know what he’s thinking , if he’s hurt , if he misses me & if this is the end of our relationship. I’m literally so hurt right now & i feel like this is really the end for us.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 9, 2019 at 4:43 pm

Hi Mia, so it really depends on what happens going forward, if you want to get back together you need to start following the program and that starts with a No Contact, but you also need to learn about how to communicate in a long distance relationship

Kelly

December 6, 2019 at 4:05 am

Hi, after no contact for 30 days my ex and I got into a huge fight about our relationship at a party. We were together for 7 months and he broke up with me. What should my next step be?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 6, 2019 at 5:38 pm

Hi Kelly you need to go into another No Contact after your argument

Elle

December 5, 2019 at 2:47 pm

Hi,

I really messed up in my 6 year relationship.

Last year I was having doubts in the relationship. I had met someone else who bought some new excitement into my life and was messaging him. My Boyfriend found out and left me. I really tried to get him back but at the same time wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to enter back into the same relationship. Therefore, whilst telling my boyfriend I wasn’t, I was still messaging others. I wasn’t doing this with the intention of it going anywhere, but I was still messing around. Since then we got back together and were really happy together the relationship was completely different. However he has recently found out about the messages in that time and even that I still sometimes hear from some of those people despite it being in an innocent manner. I desperately need some help I cant be without him. He repeatedly says it doesn’t matter what I say he doesn’t want to be with me. He falls under the angry guy yet still replies when I message him despite initially having me blocked on everything. It has been a week now and he is still saying he wants nothing to do with me no matter how much I beg.

Is there anything I can do? Will no contact make it better or worse?

Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 6, 2019 at 10:07 pm

Hi Elle so the issue is you broken his trust twice, where you messaged when you were together and caused the break up, and that tehy are still in touch with you even though you see it as platonic he does not as it was not the first time around. If you want your ex back then you have to cut ties off with the other guys and mean it, and stick to it too. This is not something you can brush off as “it meant nothing” because it means a lot to your ex and now he probably feels like you are not trustworthy. So I would suggest giving it a short no contact as he needs time to calm down, so following the 21 day plan and then reaching out where you are open and honest with him, if he asks you about other people. You tell him you have not, and wont be speaking with them again as you realised your mistakes and the damage it had caused.

Haley Whitten

November 29, 2019 at 8:12 pm

Hi! My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have 3 children together. We separated 3 months ago and he filed for divorce. Our marriage was mostly good,however having kids kind of made our lives busy and we Began to neglect our marriage. At the point we felt like we were just parents and not spouses. He’s very stubborn and hard headed. When he has his mind made up,it’s hard to change it. He says he loves me and cares about me but he does not want to be in a relationship with me and that we will never work it out. I did text him a lot at first pretty much begging him to not give up on our family,that seemed to push him away even more. I just found out about the NC rule. I’ve only been in NC with him for 5 days. Of course we do have to talk about the kids sometimes but only when absolutely necessary. I will stay in NC for as long as I need to. What are my chances that NC will work and he will want to work on things?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 1, 2019 at 1:09 am

Hey Haley we all fall into this pattern when we start having children and it is hard to make relationships work when we are so busy all the time. But what you need to do during your No Contact is work on yourself a little to show you are still the woman he fell in love with. Even though it is tough with three little ones you can just make sure you look and smell good when he comes to see the kids or is bringing the kids back to you. Make it look like you have been out or are just going out somewhere looking amazing. Leave him with the impression you are finding who you used to be and he will start thinking about the good times he has had with you too. It is rough but this process is going to give you, your best chance of getting him to change his mind it just takes dedication and time

Bummed

November 27, 2019 at 5:36 am

My ex broke up with me a week ago after 4.5 years together. He told me after we had gotten back from a weekend trip that he felt trapped, and didn’t exactly know how he felt, but felt it best we broke up. For another week it dragged on, with him saying he was willing to work on our relationship, but then a week later saying he wanted out and didn’t see a future with me and did not want to continue with our relationship, but saying he still loves me and cares for me and wants to be friends. I later find out from him that he had met someone from tinder a week before breaking up with me. I initiated no contact, but in a moment of weakness on day 10 messaged and asked if I could go to his place to pick up the rest of my things. When I went over, I went to the bedroom to check some of the drawers and the room smelled of sex, there were empty condom wrappers on the bedside table, and used condoms in the bin. I was so mad that I saw that, and he didn’t have the decency to clean up before I went over. I had given him an hour notice. I was initially also made that he was sleeping around a week after ending our 4.5 year relationship, but I now that it’s potentially his way of dealing with his emotions, and it’s not my place to be upset as we are no longer together. I don’t know what to do. I have been really hurt in all this. But I also know he’s in a bad place and is depressed. I want to be able to mend this, and I want to win him back, but I don’t know how now.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 1, 2019 at 12:14 am

Hey there, so the things you need to do is follow the program starting with No Contact and working on how to become Ungettable. While you know he is depressed and dealing with things giving him that space is a good thing too. One thing you need to stop thinking about though is “winning him back” you need to tell yourself you are the best he has had and its his loss not yours <3

Sara

November 25, 2019 at 11:35 pm

Hi,

I was in a long distance relationship for like 6 months but I have known him for years. We dated before but things didn’t work out since I ghosted him because I was pregnant by my baby’s dad. He tried to contact me for 3 months nonstop after that. I started talking to him when my child was 3 but then he was with someone and had child and was trying to make things work. I told him I didn’t want to be in the middle, so when he became single, he contacted me and we started dating this year. He saw each other every month or every other month because of how far we live. We had trouble with time because he has a new business, he recently moved his mother in with him, has his best friend living with him, and he is also in a custody battle with his ex. So he would tell me that he’ll call me back or text me and wouldn’t, so I put my foot down and told him I need him to communicate with me in a long distance relationship or I can’t do this. He got a lot better with it until recently on Tuesday when he told me he was going to text me when he gets in bed but did not. Then Wednesday rolls around and I still hadn’t heard from him (our times zones are different so I’m 2 hrs ahead). At my 1:30pm I call him on Wednesday and he doesn’t answer then I text him and he still doesn’t reply. Since we shared location at 3pm I check his location and he wasn’t home so I call him and he hits ignore then I call him again and he answers. I asked him if he’s ignoring me and he said he just woke up and came to the meeting so I say bye. He then texts me after 45 mins asking me what is going on and he hates waking up to this type of a day. I told him he couldn’t take 2 seconds to text me and acknowledge that I had called or texted him. He said, he walked from one meeting into another (this was at 5:30pm). I left it alone bc I knew this wasn’t going to get anywhere and I figured he’d call me when he gets home or gets a moment but he didn’t. I called him at 9:30pm twice but he doesn’t answer, then I text him saying that I’m not even worth a call back or even a text, then he calls me. When I answer, he says hey my crazy person and I said just stop right there so he laughs and goes what is going on, then I start crying and telling him that he’s laughing like everything is so funny, like I’m a big joke to him. He said, this is why I didn’t want to call, it’s just one day that he didn’t call and this happens. He said, he was done and didn’t want to do this anymore, this is why he didn’t want to date but made an exception for me because he’s in love with me. He said, to say bye to him and if I don’t, he’ll block me and him and I will never speak. He was so angry and screaming. I didn’t say anything so he hung up then I called him again, and he answered and I was crying and wanting him to talk to me but he said that he’s done, there’s nothing to talk about and not call him ever again, that I made this into a job for him and he’s not happy anymore. I said to him that he’s screaming and everyone can hear him so he said, he doesn’t care because this is it and hung up again. Then I called him again and he answered but hung up right away. So I text him to speak to me but he didn’t respond. After 2 hours of that I sent him this long text, “I don’t know if you’ll get this if you’ve blocked me already. I’m grateful for everything that we had together and I wish you all the best. Thank you for all the times you’ve made me laugh and for the good times we’ve had. I know we had differences in our perspective about time and I thought we were working on them. I thought we could talk about things rather than end us because of frustration. I still think we could have a good future together, but I understand you don’t see things the same way. I know you said there’s no ifs or buts or going back from the decision you made to end things. And I’d be lying if I said I was totally okay with this. I’m sad and I’m hurt, and I’m sorry you didn’t feel happy with me. I think you’re awesome. I want you to have a happy life. Please apologize to your mom and Chase from me for the disturbance caused by our arguments. Please also thank them for welcoming me in their house. I’ll also let my family and Faizan know in a few days so he doesn’t try to FaceTime you. Also, please don’t send me anything back, you can do whatever you wish to with that stuff. I’m sorry you didn’t think I was caring or understanding enough. As always, I wish you nothing but the best in your life. I hope you accomplish all that you’ve set out to achieve. I will always hold you in a special place in my heart, no matter who you’re with or who I’m with. Take care of yourself.” He never responded but it delivered so I knew he didn’t block me. Also he hadn’t stopped sharing his location so I checked it like a crazy person and saw that he went out 3 nights in a row. He hasn’t tried contacting or calling me. I removed him from my location because it hurts every time I see that he’s out. I don’t know what to do, I really miss him and want to talk to him but every time we have gotten into these kind of fights, I have always apologized even if it wasn’t my fault. Every time I have called or texted so this doesn’t happen so the next time we ever got into this fight, by default the blame came on me because I had already apologized for it. I’m so lost now and I want to call him but I don’t think it’s the correct route. I don’t want him to let us go forever.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 30, 2019 at 11:32 pm

Hi Sara, it sounds a little like you invested more than he did, which is where you will end up getting hurt. One thing you must know, if a guy says he is going to call and doesnt. You make sure you do somethign to show you are not sat by the phone waiting for him. DONT WAIT FOR A GUY TO CALL. Ever. Even if its your boyfriend. You’re too busy for that especially when you’re a single mother 😉

Now following No contact, working on yourself and enjoying your life, doing things to become Ungettable, and removing the location sharing is all the right steps for you to make him realise he has made a mistake. When he does calm down and starts to miss talking to you, you need to make sure you have not spoken in 30 days minimum. And no more emotional texts.

Kaitlynn

November 23, 2019 at 2:37 am

Hi there,
My situation is sticky. I happen to be married but in the process of getting separated. When the separation started, I started talking to my ex boyfriend from high school. I dated him for 4 years and he broke up with me our senior year. fast forward to age 21, we re connected but he ended the relationship because his reasons was supposedly he didn’t want to drag me into the “mess” he was in at the time. (that was his excuse). Fast forward to July 2019, he messages me and shares that he’s divorcing his now wife. I also shared that I was planning on that too with my spouse. So we ended up seeing each other from July until Oct. 19th. The last time we were together, I slept over and he was going to see his kids for a day. (with his ex wife there at the house). I jokingly said “don’t fall for your ex wife” he laughed and gave me a kiss. He promised he wasn’t going anywhere and loved me. I told him to enjoy the day with the kids and call me when he gets home from it. That night, he was acting really upset and was messaging me. I knew something was wrong. He said that his ex wife found out about us and was mad that she told the kids about us so that she could use them against him. He said they resent him and ignore him. He sounded distraught. I let him go to sleep and called him the next morning. He than was acting hot and cold towards me. I asked him if he wanted to see me still and he kept saying “I don’t know” and that he needed to think. So I let him go that day and later on I messaged him that he needed to make up his mind and to not talk or see me until he knows what he wants. I admit it upset me because I didn’t want it to end. For the next few days, we were talking back and forth on what he wanted than finaly on the 3rd day he said, he just wanted to be alone and he needs help. He said he is a mess because of the situation with his kids and he’s “no good to no body” I asked him if he wanted me to wait for him when he felt ready and he kept going back and forth on if he wanted it. Finally after a week he said, “don’t sell yourself short. I am not seeing anyone and don’t plan on it until I get better, than I will start seeing people”. When he said that, it really hurt. It sounded like he wanted to see other people. The last time I reached out was on Sat. but no response. I decided to do NC that very day. On day 4 of NC he randomly contacted me via text saying “I don’t expect you to understand…I know it’s hard. But the way I am right now, I am no good to no one. I’m starting a journey to better myself. It was never a question on what I thought about you. but I wasn’t giving you all my baggage and my damage. I don’t want anything she did to effect me in anyway and until I can accept that and let that go, I need to be by myself and concentrate on me. Your very special to me Kaitlynn and I know you wanted a journey with me. But I have to take this one alone for now”. I didn’t respond to his text and haven’t gotten one since. It’s now 7 days. I admit I am scared of losing him and very confused about the whole thing….my question is..do you think the NC would really work in this situation? It’s hard for me…my heart belonged to him for so many years. I can’t believe I even went 7 days of NC….especially when he reached out to me 4 days later randomly…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 24, 2019 at 6:39 pm

To give you and him your best chance, completing NC is going to help you both work out how you feel. And at the end of that oyu need to work on re attracting him so that he values you enough to want ot be with you.But if he is going through some emotional and mental work himself you do have to respect that it is going to take more time to get to where you want to be. If you are willing to be patient and follow the program properly then you give yourself your best chance of getting your ex back

Steph

November 20, 2019 at 9:34 pm

Hey.
My ex boyfriend and I dated for 10 months. We started really fast and he told me he loved me after 2 weeks. We wanted to be around each other all the time so I pretty much moved in after a month. He was struggling with insecurities about how I felt about him from the very beginning which caused some fights. We managed to push through and we both loved each other very deeply. When things were good they were fantastic, but when they weren’t it was awful, there was no middle ground. We continued to fight about stupid things and never communicated very well. We went on holidays together for a month after 6 months of dating and argued most of the time. That’s where things changed for him. When we came back we were trying to fix it but he was traveling for work for two weeks and then five weeks and we argued within that time. By the time he got back he couldn’t do the arguing anymore but still cared for me deeply but said his feelings had been eroded and he didn’t know if he could ever feel the same way about me again. This has been going on for 5 weeks. I’ve slowly moved my stuff out and I’ve spoken to him either through text or face to face almost every week, I’ve always initiated it. Last night he finally said that things hadn’t changed and that he cares for me and I’m a great person but he can’t see himself ever feeling the same way again and that he is sorry I am hurting. I am going to leave him be now and go no contact but do you think it will work on him? He is a great person and I love him so much. We just didn’t communicate with each other properly about what was wrong and he bottled it up until he couldn’t do it anymore. I know he still cares about me and that he is very upset about the break up but he feels that this is what he needs to do. What should I do in the meantime?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 24, 2019 at 12:35 am

Hi Steph in the mean time you need to live your life, be with your friend and family and enjoy yourself. Show him how you are not going to sit on the side lines waiting for him. You need to do a no contact first off and that should be around 30 days because you need to give him the chance to miss you, even if he reaches out to you, you need to ignore him.

Kat

November 15, 2019 at 7:30 pm

Hi Shauna,
I have been in a relationship for over a year. We were both married when it started however I have moved forward with a divorce (has nothing to do with my relationship, the marriage was over the top awful). His marriage, he describes as empty however for financial reasons he plans on staying until the finance stabilize which could be another year or so. I was having a very hard time with knowing I was involved with a married man, however know without a doubt we belong together. When we are together it is the most comforting feeling for both of us, we don’t really have sex. Just intimate connection and talking. We recently spent a great deal of time together then back to his life he went. He texts and calls when he can but the pain of it all just hurt so bad. Our last conversation was just that – that I am just so hurt all the time bc I don’t want to hide and want him to move forward. But he cannot bc the finances. We never said we were ending but we haven’t spoken in 4 days (zero contact). He tells me we will be together – time. He tells me everyday how I am the center of his world. Did I need to be more patient. Do I reach out or just walk away. I am devastated and severely heartbroken.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 18, 2019 at 10:06 pm

Hi Kat, so his reason is financial but if he and his wife/ ex wife are broken up he should be able to move out because that does not require him to stay. I would be mindful that he has avoided telling the wife about you. Is there proof he is single in his life? Friends, family, social media? As he is not willing to move forward for some time you need to focus on you and getting over your divorce as it can be emotionally draining dealing with that too

anon

November 13, 2019 at 5:42 pm

I wish I can say i am still in a relationship with my boyfriend who is dealing with mental health issues. Because of his mental health, he ended things. He said he needed to be alone and work on himself by himself. And that he can’t do a relationship right now. After 10 months of dating, well I would say a year…but, as much as it pains me that I will no longer be by his side physically. I still want to support him in any way I possibly can, showing that I still care and deeply love him. I accept who he is and what he is dealing with. I can’t imagine how hard it was for him to let me go and deal with this on his own. I believe he has the strength to get through this. I would be lying to myself if I said I should move on from him. But I can’t and don’t want too. He’s my love. He knows I care for him and have love for him. I will be here if he needs anything, and he’s well aware of that and reminded him the night of the breakup. He said he was going to miss me too, which breaks my heart on how painful it was for him to ends things. I wanted to ask what’s advice do you have on both perspectives? Of course I will be okay and continue to live my life and take care of me health. But at the end of the day, I want him to be better and our relationship to continue.

Is there anything I can do to or say that will make him know/feel that I’m still here for him? I don’t want to lose contact with him. But I’m giving him the space, and time he needs. How much contact am I allowed to give without making him feel smothered, overwhelmed, etc.?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 13, 2019 at 11:44 pm

Hi, so giving that he has ended things with you due to the mental health problems he is having its actually a strong and good move he has made. You do need to give him a No Contact but you also need to respect that he is actually going to have to make moves to get better himself for now. During this time you can do stuff to make yourself seem Ungettable but avoid any jealousy posts for the time being.

Ashley Louis

November 2, 2019 at 10:52 pm

Hellllo,
I am in serious need of some insight, and from what I have read you seem like a real professional when it comes to this stuff. Before I start off, I just want to make clear that I realize this situation is going to sound a little crazy and I also want to make it clear that I do not normally find myself in this specific type of debacles with men. Long story short I started seeing this guy. We met on a dating app. He was up front and open with me from the start that he was moving in a month. I wasn’t really looking for anything serious, I was looking to have some fun, so I said I was fine with that. The next few weeks we spent a good amount of time together and talked everyday. At first I thought this was a nice change of pace because I didn’t have to worry or care about anything because I knew he was leaving and we wouldn’t be anything. I’m sure it will come as no shock but somewhere along the line that mindset changed. We both caught feelings for one and other. We had so much fun and everything just happened so quick. We seemed to have a deep connection. Then I noticed one day after we had hung out and had an amazing time that he seemed very distant. I didn’t panic because that particular night we both got very drunk and he let the L word slip. I figured that maybe he was embarrassed since he said it so soon and I kind of just pretended he didn’t say it. So I gave him his space. Soon enough he texted me and we made plans for the weekend. We went on our date and it started off great and we had fun like we always do. But towards the end he started getting weird again accept this time he started apologizing for not being as fun as he normally is. He eventually ended up confessing that he felt like he was in a rut and started opening up about his ex (they broke up last February) and confided in my that he had actually reached out to her a few days prior. He told me she had a new boyfriend and he seemed a little bummed about it. This came as a huge shock to me because he had shown zero pervious signs of harboring feelings for an ex. Anyways the night went on he apologized for killing the mood Ect. I assured him it was ok and that I understood. I could tell he was having an off day so I let him know that it was ok for him to leave if he was feeling out of sorts. He apologized and told me he wanted to talk later that week and hangout and I told him I didn’t know if that was a good idea. Immediately he wanted to talk about it and went on to tell me how much he liked me, how much fun he has with me, and how the timing of all this sucked. My drunkess got the better of me and he ended up staying over. He left in the morning and told me he would talk to me soon. I was feeling all sorts of emotions but it was very clear to me that this was one confused dude. I can’t blame him either. He was about to move to a new city, starting a job that was completely different from the one he had for the passed 7 years. That’s intimidating stuff. Wether the ex gf feelings were genuine regrets or confusion due to the life change, I remain uncertain. But I knew it was time to call it. He was moving anyways and then the stuff about the ex came up, I need to wake up and smell the reality of the situation that I willing walked into. That night I sent him a really sincere heartfelt text explaining that I was bummed out we couldn’t really see where things would go for us and I let him no how great of a guy he was and thanked him for all the time he took me out. I also wished him luck with the move and told him I hope he either worked things out with his ex or gained some clarity. He never responded back. I was surprised. I know it had been a short time but I really felt like we had exposed so much of ourselves to each other. Him going radio silent just didn’t make sense because he isn’t a mean guy and I know we both had strong feelings for one and other. It’s been a few weeks now and I’m pretty sure he has moved. Neither one of us has initiated any sort of contact. I guess my question is kind of pathetic since the odds seem completely stacked against there ever being a possibility of an us, but I am wondering what was going on in his mind and why he acted the way he did. I’m also wondering if he will ever regret the way he handled things and reach out. The cold hard truth is that I should probably move on from this brief, whirlwind romance and find a guy who is local and available. But I would still love some insight if you have the time 🙂 thank you!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 1:19 am

So in your situation you need to work on being Ungettable, so read up on that and make sure you are working on being the best version of yourself so that he realises you are the better woman and makes him want to spend time with you

Zena

November 2, 2019 at 4:22 pm

I posted a comment before and i didn’t get the reply.. i can’t type that much again..i am actually very sad these days.. idk i want someone to guide me in this situation..

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 12:12 am

Hi Zena, I will reply to your comment when I see it. The advice would be to follow the program and make sure you are sticking to your No Contact

Deana Flo

November 2, 2019 at 6:52 am

My husband left me and the kids back in July 13. (We had a stupid fight)Horrible breakup , we were together for 20 years. (I beg him to cone back and he said no)
I did the NC and he reach out to me after the 6 weeks of the NC, unfortunately when he called me I started begging again and he said No I don’t want to cone home. Now he told a mutual friend that he’s fine and comfortable now, that he doesn’t need to respond to anyone, that he can do whatever he wants etc. He doesn’t call me or the kids, some people said he’s going through a mid life crisis.
I don’t even have he’s new phone number. He lives 20 minutes away , but I am not planing to go he’s house or to beg him again. People said that he’s going to come back eventually he. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 2, 2019 at 10:26 pm

Hi Deana, so what you should do is rebuild your life with your children. How disappointing that he does not call his children!! That says everything you need to know about him. Show him you do not need him and show your children they have a secure parent in you. They are going to need that assurance with their father walking away form them. Read up about the Ungettable girl in the articles section. Leave him ruin his own life, and yes he may come back when he has a reality check that hes lost his family.

Zena

November 1, 2019 at 12:05 am

Me and this guy are together since almost 6 years. We are in ldr.. The best thing is that we never cheated on each other ever but i feel like hes becoming very bossy in terms on my life or my routein he expect me to be available for him 24/7 we met 2 months ago hes asking me to meet him as soon as possible .. our famlies are taking this relationship very serious and they are planning us to get married this year too but i dont want him to be that dominant plus he becomes very harsh sometimes or as much as i know him hes not very open when it comes to express his feelings hes 25 and i feel like hes the most stubborn guy on this earth usually hes very kind but when it comes to his anger no one can handle him… in short everything was messing our relationship our routein our priorities he was constantly in touch with me plus i felt like hes formally talking to me and he want some space.. i was being too clingy that made him feel like i am always dying to get his attention.. i mean this relationship is perfect from both sides both families.. but its bothering us (from both sides) from contacting constantly if i ignore him he use to get more aggressive and verbally brutal infact yesterday i asked him that i want a guy who can calmly talk to me i want my guy wo admit his faults i want a guy who will understand me properly who could tackle my emotions and handle this situation..he replied go and find someone better… (he was being very rude throughout the day though he sent 2 msgs as “i love you no matter what” but i hate his attitude i was calling him last night i was crying in front of him and he was constantly asking be to be quite but in harsh tone and he declined the call and didn’t reply me the whole night.. he did this alot many times n i forgave him.. hes that type of a guy who dont admits his faults and even puts everything on me.. i cant tolerate this behavioural and now i use to feel that i may gave me alot more attention than he deserves i use to be available for him throughout the day and it feels like hes forcing me to listen to him every single time.. what should i do its not cleating or lies thats ruining our relationship its his behaviour of being too confident or he may think he’s got me and can implement his every single thought on me by using this remote thats in his hands since 6 years.. i feel very down amd sometimes i feel like i am hating him when he becomes very dominant..i love him alot and i know he does too but i want him to get scared of me that he may lose me if doesn’t change his behaviour.. idk how do i do this how long should i ignore him or should i apply NCR on him.. and how long should i stick to it in (LDR) and in between if he tends to come and meet me what should be my reaction then??.. last night indecided not to forgive him because i cried the whole night his words were wandering up in my mind and decided to teach him a lesson.. any advice plz?? He was very nice to me but i dont lnow what happened to him and he became that rude to me .. he is the one who use to say sorey first but i want to give this No Contact rule to work . But the problem is that i can ignore him but not his family ,not his sisters or should i do this? I mean isn’t this mean.. ? Or i think it makes him more comfortable if i talk to his family that no matter what shes hooked up somewhere with me no matter how hard she tries.. and i dont want our famlies to ruin their terms with one another jusy because of us.. i Just want to fix him.. i dont get it how do i do.. my problem is a bit complicated

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 12:44 am

Hey Zena, so something you need to know is you can not fix him. You are going to have to just focus on you and your life. Making sure you know your worth and being an Ungettable girl. This is the most important thing for you as you need to change his perspective of who you are, living your life and being happy is going to show him you are not at home moping over him and the break up. No Contact needs to be a minimum of 30 days and you need to ignore him on ALL attempts to speak to you. From what you’ve said he needs to do a lot of self work and this is the case he wont be happy in any relationship until he does

Brooklyn

October 30, 2019 at 4:29 pm

I’m currently not broken up, but my guy has become more and more distant. I usually go to his house every night, these days it has been about four days a week. I mostly just see him at night due to our schedules so I feel more and more distant. He’s been getting in the habit of not responding to simple text messages for a whole day. Just this past Monday, I had an eleven hour work day, but sent a message, “hey babe”, with no response. I tried to video message him around 10pm, with no response. He then sends me a text message at midnight last night, asking me if I was good. I didn’t answer and then he called me once and then tried video messaging me five times at 1 and 2 in the morning. I didn’t answer. He’s told me in the past that I’m loyal and I won’t go anywhere and that I’ll be around for a long time. I’m tired of being treated like a second thought. I’m not sure what my next step(s) should be. I haven’t reached out today. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 30, 2019 at 7:17 pm

Hi Brooklyn so as far as long term relationships and seeing each other every night sometimes the texting takes away the conversation giving you something to talk about when you see each other. If he doesnt reach out go out with friends and do something. Even if its only a coffee date with a girlfriend. He will realise youre not sat at home waiting to hear from him and that will go a long way!

Christine Lin

October 29, 2019 at 8:41 pm

Hello there.
My boyfriend recently broke up with me and I have solidly implemented the no contact. I have successfully done no contact on several of my exes, one of which I did get back with but then he moved overseas, and it was decided we would be much better friends. I have exams coming up, over the next two weeks, where it is likely that he will catch me in the library. He broke up with me for this other girl he likes, because he has a tendency to breakup with people, if he feels like he is going to cheat on them. He told me that he doesn’t love me and that he loves this new girl. Those two went on a date yesterday but are not officially dating yet, since he says he wants to “respect me, and not use her as a rebound”. If he comes to talk to me, or tries to force a conversation about the new girl, what should I do? And also, if he physically follows me everywhere to try and get a reaction, what should I say or do about it?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 30, 2019 at 12:52 pm

1 – if he approaches you in public be short and polite explain you have lots of work to do so if he doesn’t mind leaving you to it
2 – if he brings up the new girl, tell him you are happy for him ( this will shock him and make you look like you are not phased by her)
3 – if he follows you, this is weird. Be calm and polite ask him to leave you to do your work in peace, if he persists. Leave.

Someone who jumps from relationship to relationship and ends because he doesn’t want to cheat… is behaving on impulsive decisions so he may regret it, but I would be mindful as he probably will leave you again for a new girl unless you are the Ungettable Girl to him. Read up about this when you have time and from what you know about him, work on yourself to be the best version of yourself and post to social media how great your life is and how well you’re doing as he will expect you to be upset and not doing much socialising as he has broken up with you, his ego expects you to be depressed right now

Nibia

October 17, 2019 at 8:04 pm

Hello Team, I really need your advice. I met this guy 4 years ago, he was married and trying to separate and I was married but heartbroken because I found out that my husband cheated on me. We became really good friends talking everyday and our kids having play dates for 5 months. Then He ghosted me for a year and 2months. Then in 2017 he contacted me again. He told me that he disappeared because He didn’t want to cause drama and he was having a lot of problems with his wife. In 2018 he moved out of the house and they are still married but living separate. In 2017-2018 I was fighting to make my marriage work but I was feeling depressed of the bad marriage situation. I was still in contact with my friend but just randomly, like a message once a month. And Saw him a couple of times by coincidence so we catch up in person. This year I decided to verbally separate. I’m still married and living with my husband but since January trying to save $ for separation papers and This month he is moving out of the house. This is what happened: by July (friend and I) agree to have a playdate with the kids that has seen each other for a while. So I started going to his house, to the park and movies with him and our kids (he has 2 and me 2 same age both) in sept I started having stronger feelings for him and we kisses, two weeks after the kiss we promised to keep us as friend but we went out and things went stronger and we have “sex”( I use “” because he stop in the middle of the action telling me that is wrong what we were doing because I’m still married, He is married and have a bunch of debt , our kids etc) (he say he feel that he disrespected me and ask me for forgiveness) but that he love me and he can wait the sexual part. But in this period of his life He can’t have me counting on him because he is lost in his world someway dealing with Past regrets/ depression. I agree on that. He told me to don’t block him or ignore him , that he love me but we both are in limbo. So the few two weeks he only has contact me once and I reply back. But now I miss him. we haven’t been in a relationship like you can see.. he is not an ex..not sure if I can use the non contact rule with him. Not sure if is also the proper thing to do. He didn’t break up anything. I can’t ask for more.. but at the same time I think if I still reply his once two/three weeks messages he will think that we can be like that forever? Please any advice.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2019 at 9:30 pm

You need to make it clear that you are going to move on with your life with or with out him. As you are newly separated I do suggest working on getting over the cheating and the pain you’ve been through from your ex husband. Leave your friend to deal with his own life too. When your husband leaves focus on you and the children’s lives to be happy and then you can consider dating properly again. That’s when your friend will maybe show more interest as the thought of someone else may push him to want to commit to you

Ann

October 16, 2019 at 6:08 pm

Hello,
So I would first off like to ask what does it mean when your boyfriend after a argument and after ignoring You and talking to you about the argument 2 weekswards finally says I just needed and still
Need a break. !!!! U ask from me and he replies from everything. !!!!! We have been together for a year and 3 months but have known him for 3 years. He is divorced from a bad marriage. I have respected the NC rule and he hasn’t texted me either although he has done things on social media such as like posts of mine and one other way of reaching out that’s 2 hard to explain. It was sweet but nothing to follow with almost more of I am thinkIng of u. I do miss him and I don’t really understand the break thing if it’s a breakup or a pause to figure things out. Or even why as we haven’t talked about it. If you can’t tell he doesn’t like to talk about feelings and runs when any kind of confrontations takes place and I know what ur thinking how and why are you ok with this. Well I am not but I am a patient person and I really do love him. I don’t want to make excuses for him but I do think he freaked out how I reacted and caused the argument. Even though I had a right to feel the way I did. I shouldn’t have went about it the way I did and should have just spoke with him. Instead I did act a little childish and held in things that were bothering me way too long. Regardless I want to contact him but I don’t know if I should and how I should. It’s been a month and 2 week since the argument and 3 weeks Since he told me he needed a break. Need advice.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2019 at 10:58 pm

Hey Ann, So you need to complete a NC where you get some emotional control so that you are composed when you reach out to talk to him next

Lillian B

October 13, 2019 at 1:29 pm

Hello, my ex broke up with me a year ago. We were together for 9 years. He asked me to be friends and I agreed thinking I’d get him back if we could stay close. At some point I asked him if he thought he could change his mind and he said no. I believed him but still hoped so I kept talking to him but it’s been hurtful and I don’t know what to do anymore. Would NC still work in this case? Should I believe him and try to finally move on? I’m so lost I’d do with some advice. Should I let him know I’ll start NC if it’s the case or shouldn’t I? Thank you in advance for your answer.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 15, 2019 at 8:51 pm

Hi Lillian yes start your NC and also start dating casually to show your ex you are not going to wait around for him

Alli

October 9, 2019 at 11:42 pm

I caught my ex bf talking/ flirting with his ex gf stating they would get back together once he went back (he doesnt live here) once i caught him red handed im not going to lie i reacted really badly but i couldnt help it because that was the one thing i begged him not to do to me. long story short he said we would talk about it when hed get back into town because he was working else well, i told him to screw off and i cut his phone line. (becuase i was helping him with that and i thought to my self how stupid i was to help him the way he was going to cheat on me) and once he got a new phone number he didnt msg me his new number he simply emailed me acting offened because i cut his line and to never look for him again. i replied and told him how he would have reacted if he had been the one paying my phone bill and if he caught me texting my ex. he never replied….we were talking about marriage while he was talking about ‘a couple more months’ until he and his ex would be back together, i even have screenshots which i showed him but instead of explaining him self he denied everything and acted offened. I love him and would of forgave him if he had come clean but he didnt and instead continued to flirt with his ex online. (btw while dating he wouldnt post anything of us saying it was our personal life and didnt want others involved and he even blocked me but i had a gut feeling so i stalked him through my friends account and sure enough he was flirting with his ex for the whole world to see) my question is how dare he act the victim, the innocent one when i did so much for him…as well as i told him i wanted to see him because i atleast deserve closure becuase when i fall i fall hard and this by far has been my worst break up leaving me soooo anxious, even waking up half way through the night in a panic and crying, so that even if he loved her over me i needed him to not be a coward and say it to my face and he said no….help

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 12, 2019 at 8:12 am

Hi Alli I’m sorry this happened to you, but by the sounds of it your ex is a coward and he isn’t going to give you what you want and that is hard. But you have the proof in black and white and as much as he denies this he is not going to be able to deny the screenshots. He is not going to take the blame for what he did because then he will be the “bad guy” and sadly people have the hero complex where they don’t want to be the one in the wrong, even if they did wrong. He will eventually have an internal guilt which is where you MAY hear from him to try to justify his actions, which is where you need to just ignore his attempts of clearing his guilt.

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