The No Contact Rule Is Killing Me... How To Do It

121 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule Is Killing Me…”

Aubrey VanSant

September 30, 2018 at 3:17 pm

did my last post go through?

Chris Seiter

September 30, 2018 at 4:22 pm

Hi Aubrey. It sure did!
Chris Seiter

September 30, 2018 at 4:22 pm

Hi Aubrey. It sure did!

Aubrey VanSant

September 30, 2018 at 2:42 pm

Hello,
Me and my boyfriend have had an amazing relationship, with only one fight which we had . dealt with in less than an hour, but besides that no real problems. He is one year and two days younger than me so he is still in high school while I am in college. Over the summer we would hang out almost everyday and our relationship is the most secure, and fun-loving, constantly laughing when we are together, super goofy and all that. He’s my best friend and I am his! He would tell me how he sees a future with me so far in time and I do too. Fast forward to where the problem lies. He came to visit me a few weeks into college and everything was really fun and normal like nothing had changed. However a couple more weeks passed and we were on facetime like we would do every night and he said we had to talk and my heart sank. I texted him for He said he can’t do this anymore that he can’t go so long without seeing me but we are only one hour away. Then I sent his stuff back back 4 days after he broke it off and he said he wants to figure this out and he promised he’s not ignoring me so we talked but all he says is that he cant go so long without seeing me and that he has to think about it. Later on I wanted answers still so i texted him and then he said he has been really stressed out and that he really needs time. I really reallly believe that if I give it time he will come back but I ended up trying to tell him I was moving on and that I understand so that we could end things gracefully in hopes that will help my chances. He said he doesn’t expect me to wait and that I am an amazing girl. He was always the one telling me that we will definitely work when I leave, he was the one reassuring me that we will be okay and that he has so much hope and i did too. I still do. I am still in shock that this happened. The last thing I told him was that we should meet sometime soon face to face because he broke it off when it had been a couple weeks since we had seen eachother face to face. He liked the message but hasn’t responded. I miss him so so much still. I think about him all the time. We dated for 5 months officially , but 8 months unofficially ( i said i wasn’t ready the first time). i haven’t really called him my ex because it is still so fresh and such a weird ending and I dont really believe we are done. It has now been 8 days since i have started the no contact rule but he has not said anything, do I still have hope? what should I do? I I know that they say that college relationships don’t last but we are different. If i could get a quick response that would be awesome, I really really appreciate the help.

Chris Seiter

September 30, 2018 at 4:25 pm

Hi Aubrey!

So its still very early in the NC process. You do want to be sure you are implementing it properly, so you might want to take a look at my resources on the site. My books on the topic of breakup are extensive and go into great detail. Its not unusual for your ex to not respond. My program calls for you to reach out at the end of the NC period, so lots to know….lots of moving pieces.

Ashley A

April 7, 2018 at 5:10 pm

I was in a 10years relationship since 17th. Recently I caught him cheated on me with this girl since few years back . He left me for the girl.i did NC for 10days and stop after he repeated text me saying he cannot forget me. Then we got in touch, but he was still with the girl while I am just a friend . Until his gf found out about me still in touch with him.. he stop finding and even asked me to explain to his gf that we were just friend . Ever since then I started NC again …is 15days now…he has been texting me and even wish me Happy Anniversay on our anniversay day..also he mentioned in the text that he knew I won’t reply but it is ok to him…I didn’t reply…the next day I found out through his fb that he went on a holiday with the gf. I am devastated and confused …however I maintain my NC. I am confused why he still text me almost everyday trying to get me talk to him when he actually together with the girl that he wronged me for. FYI they were together for about 5years …and the other girl didn’t know that he has me all along their relationship . Please advise

Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 7:05 pm

You will have to be in the picture if you want him back. Be friends with him after your no contact. It sounds like it was working if she was worried about you.
Ashley A

April 7, 2018 at 8:18 pm

But they have been together for about 5years..she was the not official one but now she is . Fees days ago he texted me assuring me that I am important to him and I will always be. I didn’t reply as I am in the NC. However, I am confused he chooses her over me after our 10yrs relationship …he should be happy and focusing on her when I finally stop bugging him and stay away from him.Why is he still texting me? But not choosing me over her? Would I still stand a chance to get him back since he already picked her? And they are together for about 5yrs..FYI..I didn’t know he is together with both us until recently I found out her existence. He convinced her that I am just an annoying EXgf
Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 10:19 pm

He’s keeping you around as a second option. Ugh, I hate when guys do this.

Yes I think you can get him back but he sounds like the type to go between the two of you for a while.

You should consider dating other men and seeing if there is a better fit for you. I am here for you and will support whatever decision you make but from what you’ve told me I think he will breakup every time something goes wrong in the relationship and jump to the other woman. This cycle won’t stop until one of you gives up on him in which case he may move on to a new girl.
Ashley A

April 8, 2018 at 1:55 pm

He is not that kind of guy that will hop on the new girl Everytime problem occurs. I believe he has only two of us…I was the longer one with him .. but he seems like he serious with the girl after the numerous vacations that he has brought her. Except the girl has never meet his family after years together with him, while I used to stay at his home..his family only know about me. I am not sure if he has already brought the girl home by now . He returned all my stuffs to my home one day and decided to broke up with me . But he cant seems to let me go entirely …I don’t understand .. I honestly don’t think he is a such a person intentionally ..but at point of time he seems to care about our anniversary despite me ignore his texts…and the next day he jet off with the girl to some kind of vacations. Felt like I was being played out .
Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 2:13 am

Hi Ashley…I am trying to catch up with some of my visitors to the site. I agreed, he is playing both sides. Not cool of him.
Ashley A

April 11, 2018 at 2:11 pm

I understand I have to work on my NC. Currently 23rd day. But looking at the progress…from the first day of NC he sent daily text to now no text and calls at all…and the existence of the girl..do u think I still stand a chance or he is really into the other girl ? Is that the reason why after years with me and the other girl ..he picked her? But he also mentioned to me during NC that i am always important to him n he appreaciate me…what does it means ?
Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 11:22 pm

Hi again Ashley…just follow the plan and reach out to him with an initial contact text message in the next few days. Most NC periods range from 21 to 30 days. It sounds like to me he still has warm thoughts for you.
Ashley A

April 12, 2018 at 2:29 pm

Should it be 30 or 45days? I Rmb u mentioned 45days for cheating case like this?
Chris Seiter

April 12, 2018 at 4:36 pm

It really varies given every individual situation. This is no hard and fast rule. One can even break the NC period if certain things unfold. I discuss this in my ebook “The No Contact Rulebook”. So you probably have the best feel if longer is better. 21 days is usually the sweet spot, but I have seen 14 days work and I have seen cases where much more time and separation was needed. It depends on the couple, their history, and many other variables. That is why I wrote the No Contact Rulebook ebook because so many people want to understand every facet and how to adapt it for their situation.

Anne

February 21, 2018 at 10:17 am

Hi, I’m new to this site and looking for some help. I have three children with my ex, we was separated for a few years and rekindled our relationship last year. 6 months was great, then one day after a argument over a comment our child said he said he needed space to work out what he wanted. . I gave space . I didn’t realise that was him splitting. . So fast forward 6 weeks to now and he’s dating someone new. He says it’s my fault he left as I broke my promise ( I noticed he was distant so just asked if he was ok or if there was something I should know about) I have been called names,blamed for the breakup despite him ending it. I have been amicable amd not risen to his messages,comments about me dating ( which im not but I never corrected him) , I have left him to his dating thing and not been to his work place anything. I feel like I’m being punished as a emotional blackmail for his insecurities and dating guilt. I left him alone and he had a problem with it so i told him blunt I love him and want a relationship and he got mad , so i stopped saying it. . I am so confused with how confused he is I don’t know how to go about anything. We have always been best friends so this whole situation is hurting, been together and amicable for 12 years. He has contact with children via his mother as a mutual base point . He is miserable stubborn and reaching out to me, acts dumb asking why I love him ECT. ,his mother sees he is not happy. . How do I deal with this.?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2018 at 4:57 pm

Hi Anne,

What was the comment he heard? Because honesy, he sounds like an emotional abuser..

nikki

February 20, 2018 at 8:54 pm

i took a stand with my boyfriend last monday because we have hit a pont of where things need to change and if they arent I cant do it this way anymore. i am always a safe spot for him and always here for him but i felt like my love for him was killing me. i told him i could do it anymore and that i wish him the best. whats funny is that my phone died immediately after (confimation) so i think he called and thought he was blocked when my phone was actually dead. so then i placed my phone on do no disturb so he would think he was blocked but i could still see if he was calling. he called fractically the next day…skipped the day after that….called once the day after that and now its day 5 no call. I AM TOTALLY FREAKING OUT?!!!!!i have convince myself he will never call again and its over. but i dont want it to be and it is consuming me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2018 at 10:43 pm

Hi Nikki,

Do you mean things changed now and you’re ok on going back to him?

Elizabeth

February 13, 2018 at 12:48 pm

I’m 6 months pregnant , day 2 of no contact . It’s a struggle to say the least . We were together about 4 years on and off and planned this pregnancy for a while . Things were bumpy for about 3 months then he decided he’d rather be single ,wants the baby to be adopted even though he has other kids . If he doesn’t reach out to inquire about the baby should I try a longer no contact rule

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2018 at 6:31 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

How is he as a father to his other kids? When did you break up? And check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are Pregnant

abundant smiles

February 12, 2018 at 2:33 pm

Truth is no contact isn’t going to the easiest thing to do .Trust me ,I’ve been through the 45 day one and let’s just say it broke me ,but it’s totally worth it I got to put a lot of things in perspective and actually started to live for me (p.s he was my whole life)
but I’m glad I did finish because I don’t feel obsessed and that actually made my ex boyfriend text me that he misses me and wants to see me and asks why I’m so distant (hahaha no contact was a huge success) it actually works
ooh and btw font think that by reaching out to him or whatever you’ll feel less pain from the break up….nope it’ll only put you further into emotional turmoil
Rudegirl

February 7, 2018 at 11:15 am

My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. We had been talking a bit as “friends on FB” but I asked him for space to deal with the breakup even though he claims to still love me situation is apparently “too complicated”… Well, I’ve been on NC for 3 days now… and he’s particularly fond of sending me messages saying I am being rude for not answering his nonsense messages in an angry-ish tone… My question is should I be reading his messages and letting them go marked as read. Or just not read them at all… We are still “FB friends” and I am working on bettering myself and becoming that ungettable girl.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2018 at 6:35 pm

You already told him you need space. So, he’s the one being rude. It would be better just not to read at all so, you’re not conflicted.

Jess

January 31, 2018 at 8:04 am

Hi,

So my ex and I dated for nearly two years. I know that what went wrong was the accumulation of lots of little things like early on me trying to do everything in my power to be perfect I shut down his attempts to be good to me e.g. oh you’re on your period should I buy you chocolates or something? Me: no I don’t need anything 🙂 thanks for asking though. He stopped asking and stopped trying and that made me insecure. I told him about my insecurities and we tried harder but then I started getting stressed out with work and uni and I would show up at his room every day just to nap. This put a strain on him because he used to get excited when ever I showed up but it turned into a draining thing where he felt bad in his own space for not entertaining me even though I just wanted to be in a room with him and didn’t need entertaining. I stopped being exciting the more I tried to make things up to him. We talked about it and I made sure to have a reason to visit him and asked before coming over but even then we didn’t do much more than watch movies and we ran out of things we both wanted to watch. I could feel that there was an imbalance in the relationship and I made up my mind since I was just sad all the time thinking he didn’t care about me. So I made a final plan. To set up a projector and watch his favourite movie and have snacks we both liked as a start off for planning a special night each week. I didn’t tell him that though which may have been my down fall. I just asked him to come over on a particular night to watch a movie. I met up with him for lunch that day and told him not to forget the movie. He told me he had and had already agreed to a group movie with some of our mutual friends. He said I could come to that though. I was sad about him choosing that over me since he had been gone for two weeks on a camp and we were never the kind of couple that had very many planned things so I had hoped it would have some weight. I agreed to go to the movie but let go of his hand when we were walking to lunch because I was sad and upset and somehow wanted him to know without me telling him (which is silly I know, I just wanted him to decide on his own to choose me). So he didn’t and I went back to work since we were just meeting for my lunch break (I work right next door to him). And then I saw a message from him later in the day “gotta leave now for the movie, not waiting for you” that was while I still had 3 hours of work. That made me upset so I waited until the movie finished and I asked him to go for a walk. He agreed and we walked and I told him I had been feeling bad about the relationship. He said he had been feeling the same. He felt bad because sometimes he didn’t feel excited about seeing me and sometimes he thought about whether he would be better with a different girl (not someone specific just whether I was right for him) and he felt particularly bad because the only flaws he could point out was a chew too loud sometimes and I don’t like to play video games. So we decided to go on a break and talk again in 2 weeks time. So I spent a week resisting the urge to contact him even though I really wanted to and the first thing he sent me after a week on a day I woke up angry and everything had just gone wrong was an article about how hard it is to be the one who loves less. I now realise that was him trying to express his feelings so we could understand each other but I took that as a rejection and so very angry me sent an awful text. I had been looking up solutions to our problem to distract myself from texting him and one of them had said we needed to start fresh. End everything and start again so stupid me put all that in a text with no context and a lot of swearing. F the good times f the bad times, let’s salt the earth so no ghosts can come back this is over. Type thing. I even said we couldn’t be best friends anymore which I really regret because he had been talking about being friends afterwards and that is something I would appreciate now. So I killed it. The hope we had of maybe trying to fix things. His response was that the thing that hurt the most was he thought he was going to marry me and I responded by saying I had never let myself consider that because I had never thought he would. So yea I killed every shred of hope. And then I killed it more by asking him out again the very next day. And then while having a panic attack about what I had done telling him I was cold and broken (over text). So after that I tried leaving him alone. But I couldn’t I am addicted. That was why I couldn’t even last more than a week on break. Everything in my life I want to share with him. But now I can’t. So I have sparodically gone a few days between messaging him. He always responds politely but clearly doesn’t get any joy from it. I gave in and visited his house a week after I broke up with him and we went for a walk and I asked if we could still be friends and he said hanging out with me just makes him think of the break up and makes him scared of me asking him out again and him having to say no. Even after that after a few days I contacted him again and he again replied politely. I know I’m doing all the wrong things. I’ve killed my chances but a big part of me wants someone to just say. It’s alright, there is still hope. But I don’t think there is. I can’t seem to do a no contact period. I’ve also remembered all of the good things that we had and all of the things we could have been. On the bright side though I’m not a big mess anymore, just a little one. I go to work and I kick ass. I have been looking after my plants and trying to distract myself. I got a gym membership and have started going but each of these new and exciting things I want to share with him and that weakens my resolve. I know deep down that doing the no contact will likely not make him contact me. I know he still cares and I believe he still loves me but if I cut him out he is stubborn enough that he would cut me out too. Any advice would be appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2018 at 6:03 pm

Hi Jess

check this one:
How To Stay In No Contact

Chloë

January 28, 2018 at 7:38 am

Hi,

My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. The main reason is that we had too many discussions. He wasn’t feeling good anymore.
I’m already working on myself in therapy to improve myself. So I know I can do/be better.
We still had contact the first month to splitt our stuff, to pay each other and to decide who would take care of the dog.
We were together for 4 years and lived together for 1,5 year. So it took a while to decide who was keeping what.
The contact was most of the time fun, we could still laugh together and make jokes together.
We celebrated new year together with our friends. And the day after I visited him and we had sex… The same day he already apologized to me. Because he noticed my hopes were rising.
After that we have not seen each other anymore. But we still had contact to ask about the dog. At this moment that’s the only thing he still cares about.
So he still texts me to ask how to dog is.
But last month he also texted me one day to tell me about his weekend. (Raised my hopes)
After that I tried to start to no contact to make him miss me. After 5 days he texted me to ask about the dog. And after 7 days I texted him something random.
He always answered my texts. We always send a few texts back and forth.
And at one point I felt we were ready to meet up. So I send him a text to ask to do something together.
He ignored me since that text. (It’s been a week. )
He probably doesn’t dare to text me ‘no’.
So that really hurts. He was the one who said to me the first month after the breakup that he wanted to stay friend. But now he told a friend that I can’t let go and he can.
I’m afraid I asked it too soon. I just want to become friend again and then get closer and try to get back together.

So now I wanna do the no contact for real.
But it’s already killing me when I think about letting him go…
He’s already moving on. So I’m afraid he will forget about me instead of miss me during NC.
I’m feeling like doing the NC and moving on is giving up on our relationship. I know he already did, but I didn’t. Because I’m still convinced we belong together and we can do better together.
I really don’t know what to do at this point.
I’m still heartbroken and hoping, wishing and praying everyday to get back together.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2018 at 12:43 am

Hi Chloe,

check this one:
Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

Melanie

January 8, 2018 at 9:42 am

Hello there.
I really need your help – I’m turning to really desperate.
My boyfriend who I was with for two years broke up with me after a fight. i was very mean to him and I was very jealous. Two days ago, he texted me when I come and get my things – (we lived together) . He wasn’t there but his mother cleaned his/our apartment. I have always been cleaning, but not the way she did it and she’s been really mean to me saying I can’t clean, that I won’t have a chance with him ….. I’ve lost a lot of weight since a week and I really wanna fight for him. What shall I do? I asked him if he thought about us and he said; he’s more having an opinion of not living together. I’m stuck.
Please help me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 10:08 pm

Hi Melanie,
Did you lose weight because you’re not eating or because you worked out and ate good food? Aside from health, are you improving the wealth and relationships with other people aspects of your life?

WhiteRabbit

December 26, 2017 at 4:02 am

Hi Amor,
No, I do not owe him any money; during no contact he texted he wanted to pay for my registration and insurance on my car, and he wouldn’t waste is time doing this if he didn’t really care about me so if I didn’t contact him to pick up the paperwork I could ‘go f myself’. I broke NC of 10 days to be given a gift, told he wanted to do this for me, and to be told he was sorry for how much he’s hurt me. But he insists we cannot be together because he cannot accept his familiarity to my previous partner. As I mentioned my boyfriend confessed his love after a 5 year friendship and his feelings were undeniably obvious and there have been many grand gestures to express his affections. However, he has always wrestled with being able to trust that I genuinely love him, rather he suspects he is a rebound, or a pawn in a play to make my past partner jealous. He said he cannot help but worry there is always a chance I’d still fool around with him. There is no reason for him to believe this and I suppose only time will prove to him I genuinely fell in love with him. He wants to get over me and move on because he believes we can never be together as he will never overcome this. But aside from this we have never fought, things were always very loving and we were so affectionate and such adoring friends to one another. He was being deliberately cruel and pompous flaunting the fact he was with someone else and making it seem as if he and I had merely fooled around for a few weeks together and nothing more. I used that opportunity to return to no contact rather than respond to his remarks and defend myself. it has been 6 days since returning to NC, but in that frame Amor, he has texted me to let me know he paid for my plates and placed them on my car for me, has offered me additional financial help, and asked me to let him know I got my things back. He has also texted me to apologize for being hateful in a long message he took back the things he had said. But it was still clear he believes we can’t be together. He has also in this 6 day NC texted with a friend of mine, where he was nasty at first, then said he did live me but he will never admit it to me again because he is trying to convince himself he doesn’t and he thought he fooled himself. He mentioned I hadn’t responded to him in days and he had clearly given up on me. He hasn’t contacted me since sending me the apology after speaking to her. In this message he told me the only way for me to move on is for him to never see me or speak to me again, he was sorry for how he hurt me, and that I was his ‘inner happiness’ and said goodbye .
I’m extremely uncomfortable because I fear he has truly given up and let go of me because I refused his help and ignored him when he was offering to do things to show he cared. But I don’t want favors Amor, I want him. And I know he does love me according to what I’ve seen and heard .. Does a situation with a breakup on this basis call for something else? Will NC be effective for a situation like this? We deeply love and care for each other but he does not trust my feelings are genuine .. And trust is everything. Can he outgrow this thinking, can a man overcome something that I feel is immature and petty ( after all, he has an ex too, with children, who cares??) as ‘I used to be friends with him I just can’t accept it’ . Also Amor, please note, the ‘used to’; he hates him. At one point he took me on a trip and while holding my hand he told me he learned to accept that and was not wrestling with it anymore. But he brought it up a few more times and then just let go. And although he did reach out after 10 days of NC to see me in person he said it was the last time we’d ever see each other while repeatedly saying he missed me so much. And copious apologies for how much he’s hurt me. He went over things I thought he never noticed. It was obvious he’d been thinking. As he said it to my friend and to me again during my NC, I fear it may be true. I cannot let go of him. We confessed never having a friend easier to talk to or be with than each other, we were very comfortable and at peace around each other, we were wildly passionate together and there were so many long, loving gazes each time we were together. It’s impossible for me to believe he would give up something he confessed he had wanted and thought could never be his own. I know that in the time we’ve been romantically involved, my circumstances have changed as I’m in court with the prior partner to settle custody arrangements ( my boyfriend wanted this done much sooner to feel better about us but the process of going to court is beyond my control) and I had to take the semester off from nursing school because of all the problems this created. My boyfriend undoubtedly was more attracted to me when I was so busy with school rather than struggling to get back on my feet after closing the books on my prior relationship. And I can see where I’d appear needy and desperate now, which is why I absolutely did NOT want him to pay for anything to help me – and reinforce my neediness. I am sticking to NC but I’m deeply saddened and anxious about how to handle this correctly as I seem to do everything wrong Amor. I’m about to start a new job, school starts again in a week, I went back to the blonde hair he was crazy about, so I’m improving with great strides.. But my fear is, he will never see them, because he will never contact me again. I hope I’ve clarified myself better, as I don’t feel he’s abusive at all; he’s never even called me a bad name in his life – but he can be mean and cruel and cut very deep when he wants. I did get an apology though..but you see Amor, it came with a ‘goodbye forever’ message. Thanks for taking the time to help with your insight and expertise, this is the most special person I have ever known, and losing someone this close to me is so confusing and so painful.. This can’t be a good enough reason for a man to give up on the woman he said is everything he ever wanted, his soul mate, first real experience of being truly in love ..

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 27, 2017 at 10:25 pm

Improve for yourself not for a guy.. I still advise that you move on from him..

WhiteRabbit

December 21, 2017 at 10:07 pm

I need advice, urgently. My boyfriend broke up with me claiming he cannot / will not ever be able to accept I had a previous relationship with someone he grew up with.. and this was 6 months of hot and heavy, extremely emotional , intense romance with no fights – with MY BEST FRIEND. yes – we have known each other five years, friends first, then confessed our mutual undying crushes and off we went til the intensity really began to make him push/pull/ disappear and start having doubts..
Long story short he devastated me by announcing he gave up on us and somehow overnight (?) got a girlfriend to replace me too.. I initiated no contact ten days , but he contacted me asking to deliver my daughter’s Christmas gift. At that time he repeatedly stopped himself from talking to look away and sigh ‘I really miss you ‘ between his insistences he was sorry but he’d never feel safe with me ( believing I could either fool around with my ex or use him to make my ex jealous ) .. Then told me he intended to get the tags and insurance on my car. I didn’t want the help from him at all – I want nothing from him but respect and consideration – better than THIS – but there is no denying I need it or I won’t be able to go back to school. I had to accept the help – with comments that were downright insulting – him claiming he never really loved me, exaggerating how long we’d been together, being cocky and downright cruel knowing I was still reeling from the shock of seeing a girl texting him and being told there was already someone else .. I can hardly breathe …
Well I have Immediately resumed no contact even with my license and paperwork in his possession – I realized he was doing this to alleviate his guilt and bad karma, not as a thoughtful gesture – and used that revelation as my opportunity to stand up for myself and go silent. Indeed if he believes he wants me out of his life I shall oblige him It’s been three days on attempt to of NC and he’s been texting me about getting my tags and giving me updates regarding this and nothing else. However a few hours ago he offered me more help. He has a small project for me related to his business that would help me pay some bills – but I don’t want his help. After all, getting to a low point is no doubt what killed his attraction and he has to see me as needy and dependent – why would I want to enable him to reinforce this negative image of me?? But then again – he gets so angry if I refuse his help – I only accepted the offer for the tag because he said if I didn’t answer and acknowledge he cared or he wouldn’t bother to do this that I could go screw myself ?.. I didn’t want to accept anything under such terms but the standard advice rarely applies as this was a friend that confessed he’s loved me for five years – wanting to get me away from my abuser – now that I’m free he somehow views the situation I ran from as a threat to him; Something that entices me to return .. It’s preposterous . Anyway – I don’t want to make a mistake here. Do I accept the help and acknowledge his gesture “demonstrating that he does care about me” or do I continue to ignore him ( after all – if I accept the help – I would do so failing to defend myself or respond to all the horrible , deliberately hurtful things he has been saying and I want to stand my ground and demonstrate I won’t tolerate that from him – or any of this from him – not for anything.) please help.. Respond or keep silent ?? I am still very much in love with him but he has betrayed me – there must be consequences even if I am to suffer to make my point…

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 25, 2017 at 9:45 pm

Sorry, correct me if I’m wrong. You owe him for paying up for the tags and insurance of your car? If yes, find a way to negotiate with him that you will pay up for in due time, get a witness, and better if it’s in writing and don’t accept help from him anymore and move on.. He’s abusive..

Terra

December 19, 2017 at 8:48 am

I’m on 19 days of no contact and my ex hasn’t contacted me..there are alot of rumors in college that he is seeing a junior..
I know this girl and he and she were friends from earlier..we had spoken about her after the breakup and before I started no contact and he said he didn’t like her..I want to believe him…bt they spend too much time together…n with all the rumors and seeing them all the time…I can’t control my emotions..
We we’re together for 6 years..I want to believe he won’t lie to me..
Please help me

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 8:53 pm

Hi Terra,

You had 6 years, so that’s not easy to forget but right now, the more important thing is you keep improving yourself and maintaining your new routine.. Make him regret through your improvements.

Terra

December 19, 2017 at 8:43 am

I’m on my 19th day of no contact and my ex hasn’t contacted me at all…we are classmates n I see him everyday.. bt he totally ignores me n I ignore him…
Lately people have been talking and saying that he is dating a junior..i know the girl and we were all friends from earlier. He spends alot of time with her..we had talked about it before I started no contact n he had told me he wasn’t into her and that all the rumors going round college were bad n it seemed like he could not even have female friends. I believed him at that point of time..but lately they have been spending too much time together..I want to believe him when he says he does not like her…I mean we were together for 6 years n I do trust him..
But all the rumors and seeing them together is killing me
Katia

December 14, 2017 at 4:05 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. We were together for a year and he had just given me a promise a ring for our anniversary. He said we broke up because he has a lot of things going on that he wants to fix and also because he said he wants what’s best for me and all he will do is bring me down because I actually have a path for greatness and he doesn’t. I love him so very much. Me and him have a bond, a connection that I have not had with anyone else and he feels it too. I miss the way he would look at me, his sillyness, his hugs and not wanting to let go, his kisses, I just miss him. When he broke up with me I begged him to stay promising I will change but he said it was over. He later said maybe we can try again in the future but for now we are over. He finally said he needs time to think whether or not we should get together but he can’t make any promises. I have started the no contact rule and yes it is killing me. I know now what went wrong in the relationship and I just want to fix it and show him how much I love him. He offered to stay friends but I rejected it because I want him to be with me as a couple not friends. He hasn’t contacted me again but I saw him at school and he smiles at me and I couldn’t help but smile back. I want him back so bad but I don’t know how to do it. I am really close to breaking the no contact rule to text him but I know I shouldn’t. I am also scared he might lose feelings or the no contact will work backwards and he wont want me back. Please help me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2017 at 4:56 pm

Hi Katia,

check this one:
Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

Renee needs help

December 13, 2017 at 12:37 am

I had lied to my ex telling him i was at one place and i wasn’t now since he had issues with me couldn’t really figure he wanted to move on some weeks it’ll b hot some weeks it’ll b cold just had me all confused so i started to approach him about it but it seem like the more distant he became it drove me crazy unanswered text he’ll text when he wanted went from 4 calls a day to mAybe one we got into it one day after are phone convo i just didn’t call him for about 3 days no contact i broke i end up texting him We talked like happened then i try the next day same result but i Text him have a gd night at work usually he’ll text back but nothing, i must admit i was hurt said I’ll NC i started over mAybe a day in i text him again asking him how can he act like i don’t exist he tells me ( he can say the same to me )which made no sense to me he finally just text he can’t do this cause your mind isn’t in the right place (which confuses me I was all on him )i started spilling my heart via text and no reply i left him alone back to NC so 2 days into that he texts again laughing (lol) hours lata i asked wats funny he said he”ll call me he did we talked about he’s acting wack cause me lying was wack this the cards he was dealt all i seem myself doing was spilling my heart again and all he can tell me we will see moving forward it I’m thinking ok we get somewhere Convo ended well he told me to text him in the morning so i did he replies two hours later and then leaves disappeared so i just left it that
way back to NC a week later he texts me about fb saying (oh we’re no longer fb friends i can log in ) my page is deactivated but i ignored the text few hours later he texts now I’m back to my regular settings i guess he was tryna b rude to get my attention. I text back wateva he starts with a series of questions how’s ur new man? Or old ? You like him ? Hope you learned ya lesson lying ? I told him never that serious he calls he’s self telling me i only care about clothes and how i look to him telling me if it wasn’t snowing he woulda told me to come see him to me replying and him disappearing again. …. Please help please wats he’s deal ????what should i do

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2017 at 1:15 am

Hi Renee,
Restart the count, stick to at least 30 days because the more you restart it, the less it can help you..

Renee needs help

December 13, 2017 at 12:28 am

I had lied to my ex telling him i was at one place and i wasn’t now since he had issues with me couldn’t really figure he wanted to move on some weeks it’ll b hot some weeks it’ll b cold just had me all confused so i started to approach him about it but it seem like the more distant he became it drove me crazy unanswered text he’ll text when he wanted went from 4 calls a day to mAybe one we got into it one day after are phone convo i just didn’t call him for about 3 days no contact i broke i end up texting him We talked like happened then i try the next day same result but i Text him have a gd night at work usually he’ll text back but nothing, i must admit i was hurt said I’ll NC i started over mAybe a day in i text him again asking him how can he act like i don’t exist he tells me ( he can say the same to me )which made no sense to me he finally just text he can’t do this obliviously someone has my attention (also confused me )i started spilling my heart via text and no reply i left him alone back to NC so 2 days into that he texts again laughing (lol) hours lata i asked wats funny he said he”ll call me he did we talked about he’s acting wack cause me lying was wack this the cards he was dealt all i seem myself doing was spilling my heart again and all he can tell me we will see moving forward it I’m thinking ok we get somewhere Convo ended well he told me to text him in the morning so i did he replies two hours later and then leaves disappeared so i just left it that
way back to NC a week later he texts me about fb saying (oh we’re no longer fb friends i can log in ) my page is deactivated but i ignored the text few hours later he texts now I’m back to my regular settings i guess he was tryna b rude to get my attention. I text back wateva he starts with a series of questions how’s ur new man? Or old ? You like him ? Hope you learned ya lesson lying ? I told him never that serious he calls he’s self telling me i only care about clothes and how i look to him telling me if it wasn’t snowing he woulda told me to come see him to me replying and him disappearing again. …. Please help please wats he’s deal ????what should i do

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2017 at 1:15 am

Hi Renee,
Restart the count, stick to at least 30 days because the more you restart it, the less it can help you..

AshleyJ

December 6, 2017 at 6:32 am

Just a side note: I don’t use social media so he has no idea what I am up to.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2017 at 5:43 pm

Hi Ashley,

Open up social media accounts, don’t add him yet but add mutual friends, make your posts public and do posts that just stays there unless you remove them…do at least 30 days and check this one:
“Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now

AshleyJ

December 6, 2017 at 6:29 am

Hello,
He broke up with me after more than 2 years, we lived together for over a year.
I was constantly stressed (overworked), had fights, he got too hurt, never talked it out (he buries feelings of being hurt), he had had enough, didn’t feel the same way. We agreed it was beautiful.
He moved out, we only talked logistics through text.
I am into two weeks of NC, picking up new and healthy habits (inproving my ways of coping with work stress, changing career paths to sokething I am passionate about, yoga, sport, reading about how to better communicate).
I was thinking of doing a 30 days NC but… his bday is on Xmas day but he will be away for the holidays seeing his family. So I might be better off with just a bday text and then continuing into the new year. However, as the ending was quite okay (I of course freaked out but accepted very fast, didn’t beg was just very sad).
How long do you suggest to go NC?
Thanks

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