The No Contact Rule Will Not Work In These 3 Scenarios

120 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule May Not Work”

Jadamal

May 14, 2019 at 4:25 pm

Me and my ex were together for 11 months. We met May 5 and made it official on May 20. We broke up on May 1 right before our anniversary. From the beginning there was no secret that he wanted to marry me and I wanted to marry him. We were spiritually connected and over time he became my best friend. We went through a lot together in a year just with his business ventures, death, and family issues but I never once questioned my love and loyalty; I was always there. He was also there for me through all of my issues and family drama. Our families are also very connected to each other. My family and friends loved him and his family and friends loved me as well. Everyone saw how in love we were with each other and he also told his mom that they were going to shop for rings 2 weeks before our breakup. Fast forward to 2 weeks before our breakup, he meets a girl at his job. He’s very excited about her and he tells me all of her spiritual beliefs and convictions. I am excited as well because we don’t meet many our age with the same convictions. She invites him to an event on Friday that he tells me that he wanted to attend. I was like you should go and I’d like to go there as well. So I went down there and met her, she seemed cool but she kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I treated it as just my own insecurities and jealousy. But I usually don’t get that jealous. Well about a week later I can tell that he had a lot on his mind so I asked him what’s wrong. Long story short he wants to take a break to get his mind right. He says that he could come back and say that I’m the one or he could come back and say we should be friends. I didn’t like that, so we talked it out and squashed it and he says it was just fear. The following weekend was great! Everything was normal. We did talk it out and got a little understanding. We had so much fun together. We invested in his business that was going public 2 days later. Then the next day I noticed I was still having a little trust issues after the initial breakup. I talked to him about where I was at mentally. Then I asked him, “I don’t think I’m the one for you am I?” He couldn’t answer the question so that was my answer. I suggested that we broke up. I told him that the girl that he met might be a good catch and when I mentioned her name he lit up like a fire cracker like he used to do with me. A couple of days later I wanted to kind of reconcile because I felt like we broke up in a weird spot. So when I called him he told me that he’s actually been talking to the girl he met and how great she is. She’s a realtor, she owns a construction company, and wants to build communities in Africa. They are spiritually fit and they’ve been getting so many revelations from each other. Everything is natural and organic and they don’t have to try to be friends. I didn’t blow up. I told I was happy for him and left the conversation. I haven’t talked back to him since and he hasn’t reached out to me. I don’t think this is a rebound and I feel like I just wasted a year of my life with him. What do I do next?

Chris Seiter

May 14, 2019 at 11:31 pm

Hi Jadamal….it probably best for you to focus on “you”, your healing an personal growth. Time is the truth machine in matters like this and over time it will be clear whether this is a rebound he has fallen into. But you need not put your life on hold. There are many paths for you going forward and if he should emerge as a possibility in the future, then you can take it up then and give it consideration.

Nathalie

May 6, 2019 at 12:23 pm

Hi Chris,
I really like your page, helps me a lot! But now you’re confusing me!!!
I was in short term relationship with my ex – 6 weeks but it felt so great to start. he broke up cause he was/is confused, not certain of his feelings and personal issues.
We broke up like 4 weeks ago he cannot stay more than 1 week without contacting me!! He is still hesitant… I just move on without moving on as you suggest in another post.
Now here’s my question: imagine he regrets his decision like you mention in this post… I am the dumpee… if I apply NC here, am I not ruining our chances to come back together?
So today he sent me a message trough whatsapp, cause i changed my profile pic and he just sent: beautifull pic. So I friendly send Thank you.
But if I have to follow NC i should not answer….
Confusing again

Chris Seiter

May 6, 2019 at 3:29 pm

Hi Nathalie….No Contact is an adaptable strategy, so if you are receive multiple positive reach outs and other factors fall in place such as I discuss in my eBook, “No Contact Rule Book”, then I have advised my clients in the past to make exceptions. Every situation is unique and calls for a different approach at times

Laura

April 25, 2019 at 1:11 pm

Hello Chris!

My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me 12 days ago. We were together for 7 months. That same day, we had been together in a wedding; we had a lot of fun together, danced, got drunk… He doesn’t usually express very much his feelings, but that day he was literally melting at me, saying how much he loves me, how beautiful I am and how proud he feels of me and how lucky he felt (he was even “showing off” about me in front of his friends).

So that same night I made a mistake… I got jealous for something (a female friend texting him at 3AM) -we never had arguments before related to jealousy-. So we started arguing, and at some point he got nuts and started literally yelling at me in the street and broke up with me at the moment. He was mean and rude, probably affected by the amount of alcohol he had. I was shocked; he had literally gone from 100 to nothing. I left.

The day after I was so sad and shocked that I texted him at night saying “How are you feeling?” (I know I shouldn’t have done it) and got NO response from him ever. I was sure that eventually he would come back affected by what happened, or at least to tell me that he didn’t want to continue with the relationship in a calm, respectful way. Since then, I haven’t texted him at all. I didn’t delete him from social media, and I’m not posting stuff or anything.

Two days ago I saw two visits from him to my website. It was obviously him; the visits were coming from his town, and I can even see from which device people visit my website with the analytics from Google. It was his phone.

The day after tomorrow it’s his birthday, and I’m obviously not wishing him a happy birthday. I have so many doubts… I have no idea is he’s punishing me, or if he’s 100% sure about what he did. As I said, he was very drunk. I don’t know if it is that he feels ashamed or insecure about how he acted, or if he regrets or not. I don’t know if he expects me to go after him again. I know I made a mistake, but it’s no excuse at all to talk to me like that and break up with me… Of course our relationship wasn’t perfect, but we were happy together.

I’m I doing the right thing? Is there any chance he’ll come back at some point…?Thanks!
Natasha

April 3, 2019 at 2:22 pm

Hello Chris.

So I recently ended a 10 yr relationship with my ex boyfriend due to the fact thst he would not propose to me…Shortly after I regretted doing it,and tried to go on dates…hell I even went to New York with a co-worker to get my mind off of things,and he saw on fb…,but it didn’t work.All these memories came flooding back to me,and not only that,but I realized I let a piece of jewelry and the opinions of others get into my head.I let 10 amazing yrs go over that.The breakup was pretty bad because we weren’t talking for a few days from an argument that we had that I started which I think was over the ring(of course).

There were also a lot of issues with his family that he brought into our home, and it was extremely stressful for me to handle at the time,because it was always a constant thing and cycle that kept happening.When his mom kicked his sister out she lived with us,and it was a nightmare for me.I know that is his family and I should have been more supportive of him and the choices he made because he’s a family man,and it’s not that I am not,but I was raised as an only child,and its easier for me to cut ties and burn bridges. But that is something that I have been working on.His mother was in an abusive marriage and she and her son came to live with us for a while.I became cold and distant because we had a lot going on,and like I said it was just a never ending cycle.
When I broke up with him he was extremely helpful and helped me move my things into my new apartment,and out of it a few days later due to bedbugs…yuck.This was back in January.We talked once in February about a mutal friend who is in the hospital.I contacted him.Then on my birthday I contacted him which was march 26 and I expressed how I miss us and would like to get together to chat.Not because it was myWe eventually did get together,but we had sex,kissed,cuddled ect,and he told me about a lot of things that are going on in his life…very sad,stressed,depressed,his grandmother passed away,and he was recently diagnosed with anxiety from everything…including the breakup…I have been having issues with anxiety since I ended the relationship.Its really taken a toll on me as well,even though it was my choice.I saw him this past Saturday and read him a letter I wrote apologizing to him and the way I treated his family when they were going through their rough patch.Again we talked cuddled,had sex watched movies,plsyed the game…its like we were back in a relationship.He said he wants to work on his self right now,and I am as well.He doesn’t think a relationship will be the best for right now which broke my heart,but I understand 100% we jave things we need to work on internally and externally.We still text..but im usually the one to inatiate the conversation.I just have to be patient because this isnt the first time we broke up…but this was definitely a bad breakup.I handled some things not the best,but I’m learning from those mistakes and choices.I also want to point out that when i stsyed the night I did see he was ralking to someone in his phone and I’m worried he will forget me, and move on.He told me he went into my purse.But i never told him I went in his phone…so clearly we both have some trust issues right now. Do you think I should continue contact or leave him alone?10yrs is a long time…and I just really want this to work,and I want to fight for us.I dont care about the ring I just want him and his fsmily back.He’s my soulmate, and I love him so very much.Hope to get a reply back,and I apologize for how lengthy this was.
Jasmine

February 24, 2019 at 5:14 pm

Hi there.
So my boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago, after about 2 1/2 years of being together. I was totally shocked and surprised. The problem I think is that I had certain behaviours that needed to change. I was very pushy until I got my way, nagged/complained a lot, and this would lead him to have little patience and become very angry. We’ve had fights before and he’s said 2 or 3 times that if these behaviours don’t change and we cant work on these it’s over. I’ll admit I didn’t really change, but I thought we were working through it. Turns out he had enough, seen that things weren’t changing our fights we’re always the same, and he ended it. He said he hadn’t been happy for a while and we weren’t clicking right. I don’t believe this, because prior too the breakup he would send loving messages and told me he loved me multiple times, so I was shocked when he ended it.
I originally did not contact him for a few days then finally asked if we could re think our situation and I tried to convince him I had changed. He replied saying no one can change in that short of time, and we were over. Few days later I said maybe a break and going our seperate ways would be good, but a few months down the road or in time I would like to rethink us, and he said anything’s possible.
Long story short, ive been messaging him from time to time, just to keep in touch. He knows I want to be with him and work it out. I truly believe our problems can be worked through and it took the breakup for me to realize what I need to do. How can I show him that things will be diffferent and that I have improved myself and worked on these behaviours. I really want him back.
Lynn

February 21, 2019 at 11:31 pm

Hi! So happy I found your site and am ordering your books.

I have a question. My ex fiancé broke up with me three weeks ago. We had only been together for 6 months, and as we are in our 40s, got engaged and were eager to live our life together. Then he got sick and his mom who I had never met, as they were estranged, showed up and within 48 hours convinced him I wasn’t who I said I was, I only cared about his money, and moved me out and her in. I couldn’t believe it! It was so out of character for everything I knew about him and I freaked out. I called, texted constantly, got blocked, tried texting from other numbers, sent a letter, whatever I could do to try to get some answers. I never got any answers and only anger from him. Now I found your site. I’m on day 4 of no contact.

We had always planned to go to a famous landmark that we never have done. My question is is it okay after the 30 days to send a picture of me at the landmark? He has no social media but I have made my posts public in case and I have already been working hard to improve myself so the picture would include a new and improved me as well.

Chris Seiter

February 23, 2019 at 4:42 am

Hi Lynn!

Its a shame when family folks who no little to nothing about the relationship, intervene. I do think NC is the right medicine as time can heal in many ways. If you follow my Program, there is a certain methodology I recommend on how to restart contact. Fitting in a pic like that with an appropriate text may very well satisfy arousing interest and curiosity which is what one should look to achieve in the first contact message. But its a journey of little steps…not over pressing, etc.

Anon

January 23, 2019 at 1:21 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago after us being together for just over 3 years (we started dating in our final year of high school). We’ve had multiple changes of character throughout the years (a part of growing up, I would assume), and our first year was a little rocky. He was completely faithful but didn’t really respect me.

The last 2 years, however, he has been so amazing. So kind, caring, respectful, and so much more. We were basically living together while in uni and everything was great! We dropped out at the beginning of last year as we realized that our programs weren’t the right ones for us and our motives weren’t the greatest when we applied for school. Last summer we even had a family trip with his parents, plus a road trip on our own. Both were amazing! We made each other so so happy, and I’m honestly so confused right now. We supported each other so so much.

Ever since November (he took a job his parents told him to take), he hasn’t been the same. He was very stressed, and we both knew it was because of his job. He quit shortly after starting, and his last day was January 4th. He didn’t tell his parents because he was afraid they would disapprove. I feel like lately (the past 3 months) he’s been heavily influenced by his parents and takes everything they say to heart. Whatever they tell him to do, he does.

I’ll admit, things haven’t been perfect on my end. I’ve taken the last 2 days to reflect on everything that’s happened. I believe I lost self confidence and kind of just morphed into his personality. It was like we were one person, not two separate people dating each other. Whenever things from the past popped up I would get defensive. Whenever another girl would talk to him, I would get jealous. I would always post a song to social media if I was upset – and he knew it. My parents also have been mad at him recently and won’t let him in the house (he got mad at them for yelling at me once).

The past two weeks I haven’t been allowed over to his house because his parents are mad at the whole job situation, so we were hanging out a lot less.

I will mention that he was having some mental health issues going on because of that job – but I helped him through it. He also wrote a letter to all of us (me and his family) confessing how he was feeling – that he was upset and mentally unwell – but that he didn’t want to give up hope because he is excited for the future. To strengthen family bonds and to start a life with me!

When he did break up with me, it was like a 2 minute discussion in the car. We were supposed to go out for coffee that night and just hang out. I got into the car and I knew something was wrong by his text, but a break up was the last thing on my mind. He was like, “so we aren’t going out for coffee tonight. I can’t do this anymore.” Basically I was crying and asking why. He said that he was being selfish, but he needed time to focus on himself and his career and that I was getting in the way. He also said that he doesn’t want any contact with me. No showing up to his home, no calling, no texting, no nothing. He also said that we are never getting back together – that we aren’t meant for each other – that he doesn’t love me anymore.

When it did happen, I asked if we could take 3 months of a break so that we could find ourselves and re visit the situation when we’re in the right frame of mind – he said no, and that we aren’t meant for eachother. It almost sounded rehearsed. He didn’t seem too emotional. However, (yes I was in tears during this whole thing) when I asked if fate wanted us back together in 3-6 months, 1 year, 2 years, whatever it is, if he would be open to us being together again. HE SAID YES. This makes me even more confused.

We literally always talk about wanting to start a family and move out, go on adventures, and that we cannot wait for the future. Literally 3 days ago he was like, “our kids are going to be so so cute if they turn out anything like you.” Not to mention we’ve had the engagement talk multiple times, and he said that he’s saving up money because he wants to buy me a beautiful ring – that I deserve it. I sang him to sleep the night before it happened. I visited him at work 2 days before it happened and he said he was so so happy and that it was an amazing surprised. He said “I love you” 5 hours before it happened, when we were talking on my lunch.

Was this something that was sporadic? Was it his parents? I’m honestly so confused right now.

This is also a bit of a TMI, but I owe him money, we have a joint bank account, and we both have a lot of each others belongings, but he never mentioned anything about that. I’m honestly so confused right now. Please help!

Also I will mention that I have been giving him space, as that’s what he asked for. I haven’t texted him – and I won’t , I love him still and want nothing but happiness for him and to respect his wishes.

Chris Seiter

January 23, 2019 at 11:59 pm

Hi Anon!

So that is a lot of stuff going on. I can see why you are confused. I remember replying to your question in my support email system. I hope I was able to help you!

Kate

January 22, 2019 at 4:13 pm

Hi Chris,

I met this amazing guy online 1.5 yrs ago with whom we clicked instantly. We couldn’t stop talking and we’ve been talking every single day for all of this time till now. I have dated other great guys before but I’ve never felt such a connection with anyone before in my life.

Unfortunately we never had a chance to meet in person. We live on different continents and he was planning to apply to post grad to come to Europe last year but he was not admitted. Around the same time last year, something terrible happened to me and I was diagnosed with cancer. My life crashed and I’ve been struggling for my life battling the disease for the last year, now getting into recovery.

He has stayed with me all throughout but our relationship started going south slowly… Because of my situation, I couldn’t keep the relationship very interesting (though he has never ever blamed me for that) but I always did what I could to be positive and invested all I could in it to work. However, the more I was giving, the less he was, but even when I pulled back he was not pushing… He was saying that he wants to help me more, but can’t because of the distance. But at the same time, he wasn’t trying to do anything extraordinary either, only called me and told me how strong I was. He just became super distant emotionally over time and lost interest in me – this is what I feel, even though he still says that I am the best and sweetest woman he has ever met.

A month ago I asked him what is happening and he said that he is distant because he wants a real relationship and can’t deal with the distance because he is missing the physical part too much. He asked for time to think and we took a break of a week. We spoke after a week and he never mentioned anything, we were cheerful like nothing happened. Then he didn’t contact me for another week, then called me and the same thing happened – talked about very general things cheerfully and he said he has to go. Leaving things just under the rug like that made me very unsure and I confronted him to just tell me what he wants from our relationship.

On his side, he said that he cares a lot about me but just started a new job so can’t take a vacation until 4 more months and neither has enough money to come visit me at the moment. He is also not planning on applying for post grad this year because of the money matters. He wants to come to meet me and then make a decision about what to do with our relationship, but this can happen earliest in 4-5 months and in the meantime he wants to only be friends. I, on the other hand, have a really hard time to think of him as just a friend and to talk with him casually only once a week with no real commitment behind. I told him that I also really really want us to meet and will wait for him during these months but only if we stay in this LDR relationship. But if he doesn’t want to stay in it, we should better break up because I can’t keep waiting for him if he can’t promise to me anything. Unfortunately my health is preventing me from getting on a plane and just visiting him…

Basically, both of us are stubborn on what we said… So we did break up, very calmly and politely, without any drama or emotional outbursts, and it’s been a week now since we haven’t spoken. But I really do want him back, we became so close and had a really deep connection, and having no contact with him now is making me feel physically so bad it’s taking a toll on my health 🙁 If only I could, I would fly over to meet but I am not able to.

Please, please, give me advice what to do… I feel so lost.

Chris Seiter

January 22, 2019 at 10:33 pm

Hi Kate!

So you have pick up my Program Guide as it can help you a lot with not just your own personal recovery as you deal with all this, but a step by step plan on what you might want to do to better your chances. NC is hard, I know, but if you read about all the things you can do to usher some healing into your life, you will be surprised how much you can positively influence you own attitude.

Nancy

January 19, 2019 at 1:34 am

Hi,
Dated my ex for a year, it’s a Long distance relationship, cross country, and due to his work he can’t travel, but my job has flexibility, so I flew every month. We kept texting thru the day we’d FaceTime every night. Year was great but towards the end, I was adding pressure to him to propose. I wanted to get married and then think about having kids maybe a little after marriage, I’m older so I have a “timeline”. Last month we had horrible fighting, and that’s how it abruptly ended, during an argument he called quit. As Soon as he hung up, I called him, but he didn’t answer. Now it’s been a week, neither of us reached out. I want to apologise and reconcile, but from a far means so much harder to do. Recommendation about the NC rule or how to approach this?

Chris Seiter

January 19, 2019 at 4:14 pm

Hi Nancy!

I am sorry you had such a horrible fight. So, you should give consideration to implementing NC.

Amy

January 18, 2019 at 1:18 am

Hi Chris,

Me and my ex have known each other for a year, and started dating about 2 months ago- we were good friends first. He travels a bit, so it’s a LDR. At first, I didn’t think much because he would be gone for 1-2 months at a time, and I thought it would be doable.

Everything was going well, no fights, we’re having a great time. Fast forward he leaves for about a month– we don’t talk on the phone, however, we text almost every day, if not every other, e-mails, etc.

We were talking and I got emotional about how far he was and said to him that this is very difficult and that I don’t understand this type of lifestyle (his traveling is due to his nomadic lifestyle, not because of work.) He also tells me that he believes in co-living (meaning living w/ several people under one roof. The more that I thought about it, the more that I felt extremely uncomfortable about his desires and wants. Out of high emotions, I said to him “We have no future together” and hung up.

We didn’t contact for 5 days. I get an e-mail from him saying that he agreed with me- we have very different lifestyles.

Now I really regret my decision, I immediately regret it about an hour I hung up after telling him we have no future.

I know you said that there are exceptions where the NC may not work, and this one of them.

My question is– should I go ahead and contact him, apologize and ask to try the relationship again? Knowing that he agreed in his e-mail that our breakup was the right thing to do– should I still apologize and ask for another chance? He is out of the country, and won’t be back until early Feb– will an apology over the phone work?

Please help!

Chris Seiter

January 18, 2019 at 3:59 pm

Hi Amy!

I think that would be fine…to let him know how you really feel, then give him some space to digest it.

Michelle

January 15, 2019 at 12:09 am

Hey Chris,

My bf broke up with me a week ago because he’s moving across the country (he moved yesterday). I met up with him yesterday to say goodbye, but we didn’t discuss our breakup not once. We both love each other (1 year and 3 months together), but for some reason it just didn’t work. We didn’t break up on bad terms or anything like that. It took everything in me not to beg and cry for him to change his mind. do you think the no contact rule will work in this situation even though we technically won’t see each other for a while. I was suppose to move down there in 6 months but he said we needed time to work on ourselves. I really think he used that suggestion as a coverup to break up with me. I’m on the east coast and he’s now on the west coast. I really love this guy and want it to work
Tina

January 12, 2019 at 7:28 pm

Hi Chris can you please reply back to my last message as I don’t know what to do now.
Tina

January 11, 2019 at 2:28 pm

Hi Chris,
Thanks for the reply. I’m not too sure if it’s care though, maybe he feels obliged to say thanks because of the sweet message I sent him. I don’t know where to go from here. Do I be no contact or do I message him soon? I’m afraid that he will neglect me again. Don’t know why he does that. Also why did he address my name saying Tan, rather Tanya. That’s what he used to called me when first met, tan. Tanya is my nickname at home
Lily

January 10, 2019 at 8:58 pm

Chris, I have a question:
My ex-boyfriend dumped me after a little over a year and a half. I had been struggling with major anxiety, sleep disturbance and other emotional problems for a long time, which took a toll on him. For the past few months he had been cold and unsupportive and had treated me like an irrirant. I have since gotten some help. It has only been two weeks since the break up. I have not implemented no contact. There has been low contact, and he acts distant and frankly, like a jerk. I am not even sure I want him back, given how much it hurt me that he was cold and not “there for” me during my struggles. He also never said goodbye to my son (nor agreed to it, which I asked for, because the abrupt departure from my son’s life of someone he was attached to, with no goodbye, is stressful and far from ideal). In fact, I think his behavior in this regard was selfish, immature, and hurtful, and I do not want anything to do with a man who behaves like that.
The thing is, he HAD been sweet, and everything I’d wanted, at one point, and I suspect he, too, was struggling with things that had nothing to do with me (or, perhaps, his change in demeanor and of heart was caused by me and my struggles–if so, I want nothing to do with him.) Good partners are supportive during hard times, not “fair weather” lovers).
The same day he broke up with me (earlier in the day) he had asked me to take a trip with him months in the future. Very odd. It seems the breakup itself was impulsive, even if he’d been unhappy for a while (as he now says.)

I booked an expensive trip for us as a Christmas gift to him. I didn’t even “give” it to him at Christmas because of the way things were. I had intended to save it for New Year’s/Valentine’s Day. Then we broke up. I told him about the trip after the break-up (non-refundable, his name on ticket, an expensive mess), but we haven’t talked much. He wants to discuss it (presumably to figure out how it might be used, help me explore options to reduce the damage, etc…no idea.) He said it was “sweet” of me. Gag.

What would you recommend I do now? Just go NC? Talk to him about the trip? (I am still angry with him, but haven’t acted like it.) What if he wants to take the trip? (He is very selfish, so I wouldn’t put it past him.) If we talk, should I maintain an upbeat attitude? If things could ever go back to how they once were, I think I could forgive him and would very much like to try again. Assuming that is my hope (and I don’t know), what do I do now? I do NOT want him taking advantage of me to get the trip.

Chris Seiter

January 11, 2019 at 12:38 am

Hi Lily. So NC is an option.I would not go on a trip with him unless the two of you have mended a lot of the fence. Yes, always lead with positivity and kindness. Taking the high road will make you feel better and more often than not, it produces results. Time is a great healer so make use of it for yourself and the relationship. And feel free to tap into any of my eBooks as they can help you infinitely more than I can here.
Chris Seiter

January 11, 2019 at 12:38 am

Hi Lily. So NC is an option.I would not go on a trip with him unless the two of you have mended a lot of the fence. Yes, always lead with positivity and kindness. Taking the high road will make you feel better and more often than not, it produces results. Time is a great healer so make use of it for yourself and the relationship. And feel free to tap into any of my eBooks as they can help you infinitely more than I can here.

Tina

January 10, 2019 at 4:46 am

Hi Chris,
Cutting a long story short, I met this guy in March 2018. I got pregnant a month later and had a termination. The guy really wanted me to have a termination and was really nasty to me. Also told me he had a girlfriend. Anyway after few months later in October, he contacted me asking if I would sleep with him and obv I said yes because I had feelings for him. So we slept with each other another 5 times or so. Anyway after a while I went away for work and he asked to meet up and I told him I wouldn’t be able to meet up til the following week. He didn’t respond. He had been ignoring me for over a month since end of November. Then I was getting really agitated so his birthday was only few days ago at the start of jan. I sent him a nice long message saying how kind he is and how I want him to have a nice day. He responded in the evening saying that my message meant a lot to him. So the next day I wasn’t expecting anything so I sent him another message saying hope it was a nice one and he said ‘it was thanks’ after I messaged saying ‘have a nice week at work’ and he addressed my name in a sweet way and said he hopes I do too. I actually don’t know what to do and where to go from here as he is unpredictable. It’s been two days I haven’t contacted him now. But did my birthday message to him really mean anything to him or did he just say it? Please help

Chris Seiter

January 11, 2019 at 12:52 am

Hi Tina!

I know the feeling…to tell your story properly, it would take many thousands of words. Same situation for me on this end. It took me 485 pages to write my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. Its kinda like blue print to help people with an ex issue. Its wrong for you ex to have behaved in such a nasty way, when he should have been super supportive of you. I think right now the feelings are very jumbled up on both sides, though clearly he cares for you.

Jen

January 9, 2019 at 5:58 pm

Hi

I moved to be with my boyfriend after only a few months. Even though I’ve known him for eight years.
One morning he woke up, told me something was missing and when I asked if things were ending he said yes. He then told me he realise she didn’t love me anymore. Even though he’d been talking about going on holiday and how mich he loved me the night before.

I am trying to do NC but I’m struggling. He messaged today saying he took responsibility for his part in the relationship going wrong, and that he should’ve been more open about our issues. He still wants me to go to the theatre with him in two days. Even tho we broke up two days ago.
Also we haven’t technically broken up, he’s asked for two weeks to clear his head. And we agreed not to message. Although he invited me over last night to support me because he knew I was hurting.

I have no one else I know in this area and I’m really not coping.
Does his text mean he’s regretting things or that he’s just admitting some fault.

I really need some advice

Chris Seiter

January 10, 2019 at 1:48 am

Hi Jen….I talk alot about the importance of your recovery in my Program. So lots of things for you to learn to help you along in that department. Also its wise to have an ex recovery plan to optimize your chances. Just take things slow and see how the next few days unfold to get a better read on what is going on in his head.

Rai

January 7, 2019 at 4:50 pm

My ex and I broke up 2 months ago. We were together for 3 years but the last 6 months (at least) we were fighting a lot…. About stupid stuff until finally he left. I did a brief period of no contact and then we chatted whe he asked to come get some things he left. He said he’s not ready to jump back in. I understood. Then the holidays came and we saw eachother at a party. We hung out all night, then spent Christmas eve, into Christmas morning together. Same with New Years. On new years day he tells me a big part of him thinks I’m the one and we will be together but he still needs time. He is on a dating app and actively pursuing dates. I assume his time means looking for someone better and he didn’t deny this fact. He wants to make sure the decision to get back together is the right one. He also thinks I need more time to work on myself although he admitted seeing positive changes already. My question is should I back off and do no contact or should I remain in contact and keep building our connection?
A

January 3, 2019 at 10:53 pm

Hello

If my boyfriend asks to get back together or apologizes and wants to try a relationship again during the No Contact period, how should I reply? Can I just agree and move forward or should I make him apologize or wait before we move forward.

Chris Seiter

January 3, 2019 at 11:03 pm

It really depends on many factors…how far along you are in NC. How long you were together. How strong the relationship was. I get into all this in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”

Marie

January 3, 2019 at 5:22 pm

Hi Chris,
I haven’t been in contact with my ex boyfriend in over two months. A month after he broke up with me, he got into a relationship that looked pretty serious, however it is now clear it was a rebound. Last night I received three messages from him. I had a look at his Facebook and saw they had only broken up ten minutes ago. I was really hurt and angry that he’d message me so quickly, and I don’t wish to reply. However I don’t want to wait too long before I reply, as it has already been approximately 60 days. I was thinking about waiting another month so I can continue to work on myself even more, or could this make my situation worse?

Chris Seiter

January 3, 2019 at 11:08 pm

Seldom is is wrong to make time for yourself to improve those things that make you a better version of yourself.

Anon

January 2, 2019 at 2:31 pm

Hi I don’t want to state my name on here but I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Beginning of December he told me he wanted us to have a break as he had feelings for another girl. I acted psycho but after advice from friends I initiated NC for two weeks. We eventually made plans to spend Christmas together (he still hasn’t told his family we have broken up) and I spent a whole week at his. He was messaging another girl the whole time and I was trying to hide my jealously but he knew as my face gives it away. When I was at his he was treating me as if we had never broken up (cuddling, kissing me and even joking with me). When I went to leave his he gave me a kiss goodbye and told me he would talk to me, I got home and we were talking but then the next day he blanked me and told me that he will talk to me just not every second of the day and will reply when he wants to (he was active for a whole hour before he replied). I’m fed up of the hot and cold so have him a choice to either commit to me and work on our relationship or to have me out of his life for good. He told me ‘I guess out of my life’ when asked why he told me he isn’t committed to me and don’t see the point in trying. We have a holiday booked in May (last payment is February) should I initiate NC for 30 days? Or is it pointless? I really do want him back, but the way his being I see my chance being very little.

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