Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
Sarah
December 6, 2016 at 3:11 pm
Hi!
I’ve been on the NC for 22 days now. A couple of weeks ago my ex texted me (we had a pregnancy scare and he wanted to know the results of my medical examinations). Our breakup was not dramatic at all. I am wondering if I should begin to slowly text him. Would that be a good idea?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 10, 2016 at 11:48 am
Hi S,
it’s ok to initiate, what’s more important is that you’re the one to end the conversation at high point. Try to end in cliffhanger, for a higher chance of him initiating..
Fightingon
November 30, 2016 at 11:13 pm
After my boyfriend and I ended things I decided to do the nc rule right away. We ended things amicably And decided we would be okay talking to each other after the fact. But I was too hurt to talk to him after it was more of his decision than mine. I decided to do the 21 day rule but after that since I was doing good I decided to do 30 days. BUT what happened was I was over a mutual friends house and he showed up. We hugged hello, didn’t get the chance to talk. When we hugged goodbye he said “it’s good to see you.” After that no word from him. Should I restart the 21/30 day rule? I’ve been good, lost 20lbs after the breakup, signed up for classes, doing things on my own. I feel strong! #superwomaninlove
Fightingon
December 1, 2016 at 7:42 am
I saw him on the 25th day. Can I start to text him? His birthday is coming up on the 13th, can I wait till then to text him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 1, 2016 at 12:21 pm
It would be better if you text him before or after it. Check this
EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 30, 2016 at 11:29 pm
Hi Figting on,
YOu mean you saw him on the 21st day? Nope you don’t have to restart.
Kiala
November 8, 2016 at 1:19 pm
I finally broke no contact after the 45 day version of the NC rule (because things were really bad). I was travelling a lot and busy during that time and actually ended up waiting 50 days.
Things ended really badly between us, it was long distance, we fought all the time and I went NC after he told me he hates me and never wants to see me again and doesn’t want my affection. By the time I went NC nothing sexuAL or flirty had actually been said between us for a few weeks, we were just fighting and had already been basically over for nearly 2 months and I had been trying to get more closeness out of him for years which he said made him feel pressured. He thought of me as very needy.
As far as I know he didn’t attempt to contact me for the whole 50 days (though there’s still some social media platforms I haven’t actually checked)
We are talking again now but I’m feeling a bit panicky and like its not going well. We’ve had 2 conversations so far and they’ve been very neutral. He responds to everything and seems faster to respond than before, but he lets me lead the conversation, doesn’t ask any questions, responds neutrally without humour to my attempts to joke, and he hasn’t asked me at all what I’ve been doing while I’ve been gone, it’s like he’s not curious at all even though I posted tons of travel pics while I was gone. There’s none of his usual playfulness flirtyness and teasing, he’s just polite and serious and responds to questions but doesn’t contribute much. And if I don’t message him first he doesn’t message me.
I almost preferred it when he used to scream at me in the past to him being so cold and neutral, at least he showed emotion.
Because we were long distance and spent little actual time together I’m also having trouble finding fun memories to insert into the conversation, our thing consisted mostly of lots and lots of talking and a lot of sexual stuff but few activities done together.
I’m not sure how to liven up the conversation or how to calm down and stop feeling panicky and like this can’t work? This feels really awkward and I feel like I’m coming across like I’m desperate and making all the effort
Kiala
November 12, 2016 at 10:47 am
The first one was about a meme a mutual friend posted on Facebook and how it reminded me of some of our fun hiking memories. When I tried to end the resulting conversation he just ignored my goodbye and kept talking. He asked me a question but I reiterated that I was leaving and said id tell him later.
The second time I messaged him was 2 days later to answer his question. I made sure to end this conversation too.
I messaged him a third time to ask if a website we are both on was working for him because I was having issues with it not loading. This resulted in a long conversation. When I tried to end it, he again ignored my goodbye and responded with a flirty comment. I replied to it a bit later and this led to us flirting all day yesterday and reminiscing about our sexual memories. He is very much still sexually interested.
But now I’m worried I was too responsive to his flirting too fast. I don’t want to seem too easy and available.
I’ve now messaged him again to ask him something relevant to some medical procedures I need to have in future, because he has experience with what i need to know. Though I tried to make it look like a reply to the last msg he sent last night which I didn’t respond to at the time.
The conversations are going well and are now warm, flirty and full of banter… but he is still not starting any of them. I feel like I’m being annoying starting all the conversations and don’t know how to get him to start initiating. He also still hasn’t asked me anything about my life or travel, though I have asked him about his life, fitness and health. It’s bothering me and I’m a bit nervous about the whole thing and would really like to be able to get him to make more effort.
I don’t want to get stuck as someone he flirts with but doesn’t see as a serious prospect, I feel I was stuck in that zone with him for a while in the past
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 12:56 am
dont have lengthy all ay conversations, always leave at high point, best in cliffhanger style. And dont forget to maintain yourself. If there isnt rapport built yet, if he doesnt find anything about what you say is interesting, more likely he will really not initiate.. It’s ok to initiate, what’s more important is that you’re the one ending it in high point
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 11, 2016 at 8:45 pm
Hi Kiala,
well, two texts won’t build a rapport but those two texts do tell you that he’s not interested or getting interested. When you did no contact, how much did you improve and were you active in posting it? What were the texts you sent? Why not try current topics like Trump?
Jess
November 6, 2016 at 1:44 pm
Hi
Me and my boyfriend dated for 4 years, had have been broken up for 4 months. The reason we broke up was because he was feeling i haven’t changed, that i relyed on him to much, that he didn’t have space , and that i always ran away from my problem’s.
Since the break up i moved back home and started to work on myself. At the start of this break up he said he wanted to be friends but all he did was fight with me , throw the past in my face.
Also ontop of that i was texting him like all the time just to try to fix things.
Anyway since i moved i see that his been hanging out with a girl that he knows i do not like. He says he enjoys hanging out with her and enjoys sending time. He tells me he likes her but then he says “i likr spending time with my friends ”
Just the other day he found out i had a date because i told him and …he told me once before “lets at less date or go on a date with someone else before sitting down and talking about us again” but once i told him this he seemed off.
During are fight we had on Wednesday
He brings up the date during the fight, asking how it went and that he saw thr flowers the guy got for me on facebook.
It sounded so mean like and i was thinking” why even bring up my date during the fight’ also just to let you know..he watchs me on Facebook but does not follow me…so he needs to type my name on hia search bar to see what i post.
I had also blocked him on Tuesday night, so when i asked him are we ever going to fix things he told me ” don’t know how if you blocked me ” we were talking at 9am so again he had to check my facebook that early.
Anyway
He tells me he doesn’t care what i do with my life.
Says his changed wiyh everyone else but me.
He rubs in my face about the girl that he is now hanging out with.
So i started the no contact rule
Its been three days since i started.
What i want to know is that well it work on someone as hardheaded as him?
Or would he be just happy that im not contacting him seeing his rebounding with a other girl that might not like him and his doing so much better.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 4:12 pm
Hi Jess,
there’s no guarantee that it will but he probably doesnt expect you to do it. So, make the most out of no contact by improving yourself
MArk
November 6, 2016 at 12:24 pm
Hi, me and my girlfriend of 10 months were having a lot of arguments for past one month ..she is emotionally unstable sometimes have crying spells over little things,confused, overthinker and making decisions is hard for her … as we were having arguments over little things (she was the one starting it is was the one always saying sorry and initiating contact. ..it’s a long distance relationship) so I got fed up one day and after an argument in anger I said I don’t want to be with her and she said OK. . She didn’t stop me or say anything so we went for no contact for 4 days after that I initiated the contact only to hear from her that she wants to end it ..she was crying and saying she still loves me and have feelings for me but since we are having arguments it can’t work ..like anyone I cried and asked her to come back which she refused
.next day we did talk and we got back together but I noticed she was a bit distant .. anyhow we kept talking for little over a week ..me trying anything to get things back on track but then again the arguments started … and finally I had enough and called her asking her to resolve these things ..she was in anger (she has lot of anger issues ..once she is angry she shouts and sometimes hits her hand on wall) she started shouting ..I was tired of these things so I told her it’s better to be separated for sometime because I have enough ..she said OK and hung up on me ..I called her again n she said do whatever you want to I don’t care …so I politely said is it OK with her if I remove her number from my contacts list because I don’t want to look at her watsapp (whenever we used to fight we both used to look at eachother’s watsapp.. since she is quite stubborn so even if she had to inititate contact she would never text or call rather do it by changing her watsapp dp ..usually putting up some quote ).. so when I told her she in anger said that she also will delete my number and she did imidiately .. then hung up on me … I called her she didn’t pick and texted “bye in real and take care ” so I in anger blocked her on facebook and deleted her number … and went straight on no contact … I wasn’t able to see her watsapp because she had these settings where only her contacts can see her watsapp. ..but suddenly on 5th day of no contact she changed her watsapp settings to everyone ..so even those not in her contact lists can see that dp and put a quote stating “it’s over but is it for good? Should it be for good ? Is it really gone ? Because when it’s gone it’s gone for good ” she kept this quote for two days, I didnt react and then she suddenly put up her picture with a smile with same settings that is open settings I again didn’t react she kept this for 5 days and suddenly today on 14th day of no contact she again reverted her settings n I can’t able to see anything ..not only that she also blocked or deleted my mother’s number today which she had during all that time .. so now I am wondering is she doing it just to make me react or what ? I was always the one initiating contact but previously it was mostly about 4-5 days ..this time it’s been 14 days and I haven’t contacted her … I want her to contact me this time .. so what’s going on with her …what should I do ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 3:36 pm
Hi Mark,
yes, she’s probably trying to see if you will react. Just let it be.. Are you actively improving yourself?
Jay
November 5, 2016 at 8:48 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago. We dated for 1.5 years and have lived together for the past 3 months. He has been under serious stress with work, debilitating mental illness, the changes of moving towns and moving in together, and finances, as our landlord is charging an expensive fee for damages that were not our fault. He told me that he is sad all the time, and that he needs to move out and break up to get rid of all his stress and sadness. He doesn’t know if it will help or hurt his depression, but he has to find out. He says I am giving 500 and he is giving 90. He was not positive he wanted to break up, but was positive that he needed to move out. We did ultimately break up, because he didn’t want to give me false hope that he was going to get better or feel differently. Both of us were sobbing. I left the house we rent together and drove 4 hours to visit my family. I am still there. I have not contacted him in the past 3 days, and I intend to continue using NC for as long as I possibly can. I’m afraid that when I go back, he may still be there moving his things out and I will have to talk to him. There’s nowhere else I can really go and I have work in a few days. So my question is- should you use NC when the other person is dealing with depression/extreme sadness? He needs to figure out if our relationship was causing that sadness, so I should disappear right? I already told him during the breakup that I was willing to work through everything and be there for him, but he still thought we needed to separate.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 1:21 am
Hi Jay
actually you dont have much of a choice..even if you dont do nc, dies he want to keep talking to you? And if he does, it’s more probably just to friendzoned you..
W.L.
November 1, 2016 at 4:45 pm
Sorry Amor I do have one more question! He just texted me, it was a friendly text sharing a link to a hobby I enjoy, he sent three texts one says “Thought you might like this.” should I completely ignore it and not respond…? I don’t want to feel friend zoned..but I also want to keep the door open…I don’t know how to approach this? thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 2, 2016 at 6:21 pm
it’s ok to reply because he’s the one who initiated it..just be the one to end it at high point..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2016 at 11:26 pm
maybe it went too fast in that late night walk but right now, actually there’s not really anything different that I can say. Doing another no contact will not have the same percentage of increasing your chances, but you still have to keep having your own life.. If he showed that he doesn’t want a relationship with you, then more intimate moves will look like you’re chasing.. Yeah, you can try being a little bit more distant and continue on improving yourself, being the ungetttable girl. It probably will help the chances, but right now, don’t move too fast.
bonnie
October 31, 2016 at 12:38 pm
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 11 months. In that time he has repeatedly told me he doesn’t feel like he can fall in love. He went through a very bitter divorce but it has been 4 years. I have fallen in love with him. A few days ago I told him I needed more communication. Every time I bring up anything about commitment he runs and he even told me that as soon as he gets close to someone, he runs away. I know I have been way too clingy, needy and available throughout the relationship.
So, a few days ago I just stopped texting which was our main form of communication. Today begins day 3 of no contact. We didn’t even break up. When he gets scared he usually takes a couple days but this is the longest I’ve gone without hearing from him. Part of me wants to reach out but I”m so sick of feeling like a friend with benefits.
Is there any chance that he can change or do I really just need to take him at his word and realize this man is never going to be in love with me? And that being said, could no contact actually work? I broke up with him in April and I did no contact but I only made it a couple weeks then I went right back to needy/clingy so I know it wasn’t enough time.
And since we aren’t actually broken up, what do I do if he texts me? Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 1, 2016 at 11:44 am
Hi Bonnie,
if he wants to change, he already did.. I understand you’re expecting him to but when a guy says he doesnt want commitment and you didnt leave, he’s taking it as a yes that you’re ok not to commit too
Em
October 28, 2016 at 8:09 pm
Hi, first of Amor, you really are an angel replying to all of these and helping as best you can. I hope you can help me the same way 🙂
My ex boyfriend (he’s gay and he acts a bit like a girl, so maybe this is the wrong site, lol) and I split up months ago, but we stayed friends, we sort of friendzoned eachother without thinking about it, we considered eachother “best friends” and were still extremely intimate at times. Recently I wanted to get him back, but he refused, so I initiated the NC rule, I even told him I was going to ignore him/not contact him again until I get over him and move on, I said it could be months or even a year until we ever speak again. I realise in retrospect telling him I was initiating a form of NC wasn’t a good idea, but I stuck to it and it’s been nearly 2 weeks.
Every day since (apart from one or 2 days), he’s messaged me, just telling me how his day went and he also initially got very annoyed that I was ignoring him. He didn’t think I was being serious. I’m still not sure that he does think I’m serious, I’m worried that I could wait 3 months and he’d say something like “oh you finally stopped being an idiot”. But part of me believes that really he’s upset that I’m not talking to him, as I provided him with stupid amounts of emotional support, he’s clearly a bit lost without it in my mind.
I have also seen him change and update his dating profile on a popular app, from just an innocent face with a regular bio about looking for a nice guy etc… to now being overly sexual and changing his bio to try and lure in as much (shallow) attention as possible. This only happened recently, a clear fall from grace. (I saw this kind of behaviour when we were together and we had just split up, it was his coping mechanism, usually accompanied by a lot of alcohol consumption alone)
Also his recent messages are less frequent and less detailed. i.e just 1 word in the last 3 days, of no significance commenting when I changed my profile picture.
I see this as him losing control of his emotional stability, and I hope that it will mean he will seek me out eventually (and hopefully soon) to fill that hole.
What do you think? Will continuing to 21 or 30 days (or longer?) improve my chances, or should I step in while he’s still on an emotional knife edge?
I’m worried he’s at a turning point right now, and he might decide he can make it without me and move on for good (so I need to step him now and slowly/subtly remind him I’m a good option)
Gahhh, I just don’t know what to do. I guess my short question is:
–
Given the information above, how long should I wait to re-connect/continue no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 29, 2016 at 3:28 pm
Hi Em,
most of the time, if you’re friendzoned, it would be better to do 30 or 45 days but it’s not about waiting… You have to improve yourself and he had to think that he should have just committed to you, instead of losing a great person, especially the wire he had connection with..
his actions does show he misses you, and you’re just two weeks in. If you’re actively posting in social media, that’s very good..
Allison
October 26, 2016 at 6:18 pm
My ex and I were together for a little over 6 months. He’s 32 and I’m 22. We were supposed to get engaged within the next two months. I picked the ring out and everything, all he had to do was purchase it. We were waiting for his parents to come from Italy to get engaged. About a month ago his brother got diagnosed with a rare form of cancer (he is extremely close to him like a best friend) and ever since then we started to argue a lot more (my ex was also hit with a big financial problem around the same time of his brothers diagnosis). It’s not that we never argued but it increased a lot more because he’s under a lot of pressure that he kept taking his anger out on me which made me lash out on him and etc.
So about two weeks ago he broke up with me and told me that he can’t handle being in a relationship right now, he can’t handle the arguments the pressure and he said we don’t fit together. He also said that he thought about it a lot and knows that he will never get back with me because it won’t work. Of course I was devastated because I have been in relationships before and loved my SO but I never felt in love until him. Plus we were going to get engaged and I was so sure it was going to happen.
I broke the no contact rule twice because I just couldn’t handle it (I am working on strengthening myself). The first time he texted me and I broke down and called him: we talked for like three hours. The second time I called him a few days later because he deleted his Facebook page and he said he did it because he couldn’t handle seeing pics of us together every time he went on there. Both phone calls we were crying and it’s been so hard on both of us because we can’t eat we can’t sleep well and it’s taken a toll on us and it makes me even more sad to know he’s hurting. The last conversation he told me we shouldn’t talk for a while because it’s making us both miserable.
Since the last time I broke the NC I haven’t heard from him (three days ago). I really don’t want to give up on him I know we have something amazing I think it’s that we both have to grow up a little bit and work on ourselves as people and work on communication. Because we were so happy together we just don’t know how to communicate in arguments. I want to know how long I should do the NC and if you think there’s a chance that he will come back? Thanks so much for the help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 5:01 pm
Hi Allison,
Try at least 30 days.. Yes, I do think you have a chance.. Use this time to improve yourself. Let him have his space and get a breather from maintaining a relationship. So, he can handle other problems in his life.
Cyrus
October 25, 2016 at 2:00 pm
My ex and I were dating for only a month before we broke up, and the breakup was general breakup. Would you recommend 21 or 30 days no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 6:53 pm
Hi Cyrus,
more likely either 2 or 3 weeks of no contact..
Laurence Page
October 25, 2016 at 10:38 am
I was just wondering, Im on day 11 of no contact now, my relationship was only 6 months long (well officially boyfriend and boyfriend 3 months, but felt longer) it was part short distance part long distance….He’s 18 and i’m 23. He broke up with me… Because it wasnt as long as most peoples relationships do you think that I should do 21 days rather than 30?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 4:39 pm
You should still do 30, because 21 days are more for two or three months or less but considering your unofficial time, you’ve been 6 months together.. and if the reason wasn’t really that big.. like, it was just an emotional decision after a small fight..
Kate
October 25, 2016 at 12:01 am
Hi there!
So my husband/domestic partner from a year broke up with me on oct 11, we live together almost a year now, so he packed his things and left…. until oct 18 we where texting back and forth arguing about the relationship and he keeps saying Im the one to blame to that things are the way they are because he says I fight a lot, thats something not true, I just ask for respect because the mother of his daughtes is very uneducated even thou I have always been on the side of getting along with her she is just simply a bad person.
So his daughters 18, 13, and 8 adore me they even call me mom and love to be with me. Long story short Ive help him grow so much he was not a good father he did not look for the girls nor spent time with her, when I got with him everything change the girls say it, all his family even the mother of the girls acknowledged that since Im in the picture he is a good father….
Long story short on oct 18 I was desperate and went and look for him at his mother house and he treated me so bad, he was angry because he did not wanted to talk at all, and I kept pushing, I was devastated crying well a mess and he still treated me with a cold attitude. He told me to take a break, to go grab some air, get on a plane and clear my mind, he almost told me get lost…. so I did… I started the no contact rule on oct 18, the next day oct 19 (first day ncr) he texted me at 9pm “hey just texting to know if u r doing ok, good night”… on the next day oct 20 (second day ncr) he texted me again the same thing at 12:22am…and started blocking and unblocking me on whatsapp and remove the last seen online option…. on the third day he did not text, on the fourthday he texted “i hope you are doing ok”, and put the last seen online option On….on the fifthday he did not text….. and today sixth day around the time he always used to call me his lunch hour he text me ” i guess you are doing ok, because you haven’t answer my texts, I only want to know if you are doing ok, you blocked me on fb, and everywhere, you did not erased your facebook page like you said, you just blocked me, please do not comment anything on facebook I dont want my family to know nothing (Im friend with all his uncles, parents, cousin etc they love me)… have s good day, it does not matter if i can help you with anything im here if you want to” and since we work on the same place same company, different shifts but today I had an earlier shift and he saw my car and left a note on the door saying “since you do not answer my text, im leaving this note, i just want to know if you are doing ok, plus you blocked me on fb and not erased the page like you said, i dont want any problems, i just want to know that you are ok”……
Sooooo…… so far?!!! Its working right?!, does he still has feelings for me?
Kate
November 1, 2016 at 1:31 pm
I guess I blew it… should have just went home after work, and not let him talk to me, should have just told him Im ok and thats it.. instead of all we have talk about, I once again letting show that he has not lost me….
Im so frustrated what should I do now… he is going on vacation with the girls and he said like im not invited it hurts, I told him yesterday that we should seek profesional help like therapy or something… im so aggravated i just should have gone my way..,, can I fix this still?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 2, 2016 at 5:01 pm
just don’t do it again..
Kate
November 1, 2016 at 2:44 am
So everything went to trash, he contacted me to access an account where he pays one of our cars, i helped him with it, but just short answer. At the end of my shift, as I was leaving the parking lot he stopped me, and started talking to me saying hi, and telling me that Ive blocked him blab blah, I said it is what it is, u ended it, im stepping back and continuin my life. He got in my car, and we talk about this and that, he is going on vacation he told me if i wanted to go i could not that he wanted me to be part of it but he knows i like to travel so we could go together…. he kept stating ive blocked him in all places… we looked at each other for like a minute straight to the eyes he left the car, and open my side door and told me to at least give him a kiss on the cheaks… i gave it and left…..
He wants to be friends, i cant be his friend, i called him and told him so, crying like hell, i told him i could do that, it was not fare for me…. and said a bunch of other things and hangup….. he then called me to see if i was ok, i did not pick up… he called me again at my job, we talked normal, he told me to please be calm, and take things easy… i ended up crying again, he with same attitude that its my fault,… so I hang up, and textrd him, that he willl mo longer hear from me
Im just a mess right now :-,(
Kate
October 30, 2016 at 4:41 am
So today on the 29th he texted me again -good night i hope you are ok–……
Right before heading to an event with his fsmily and coworkers
I have not unblocked him yet… im going to wait a little longer… will that be a bad decision?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2016 at 6:03 pm
it’s ok if you dont.. just be polite and casual when you’re in person.. if he initiates a small talk, reply short and polite but if he’s being playful dont be playful
Kate
October 29, 2016 at 3:16 am
Amorrrrr Im so anxious sorry for all the questions
Unblock him on whatsapp also?!…. if he contacts me thru whatsapp what should I do?
Also today he was with her daughters and the girls called me, we talked around an hour school related you know kids stuff, I guess he has not told the girls we are not together….
Another question on monday we are on the same shift! What to do if he comes to me personally, or if he calls me thru our radio system that we used to says a number like a code so that way we where saying like hey call me or so
Im so nervous, why he hasn’t contacted me again!!!
Kate
October 27, 2016 at 2:36 am
Would it be a good idea to unblock him from fb? Or whatsapp? Or just stay out of the map.
On monday and tuesday we are going to be on the same shift, I did told him before I dissappear to please do not make a scene on out work, cause I don’t want anybody to know…. but Im scared if he comes to me.. what should I do, if he just says “i just want to know if you are ok” and thats it. Im really scared, is he missing me? Does he still have feelings urrghhhh lol!!! Its been two days since no text from him after the note he left on my car.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 9:14 pm
yes, unblock him but don’t send a friend request. Just be civil with him.. be polite and short if he talks to you but don’t initiate a conversation.
Kate
October 26, 2016 at 3:55 am
Another thing I have him blocked on FB and whatsapp… and today a friend in common told me he asked a friend for his phone so he could check my facebook because I blocked him, he looked at my post and pictures…..thats why he said on the texts and notes that I didnot closer my fb account, that I blocked him…..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 1:14 pm
Hi Kate,
Yeah, it looks like it’s working.. if you’re going to unblock him, don’t send a friend request.. Just keep doing what you’re doing now..
Cyrus
October 24, 2016 at 10:04 pm
Since my ex and I were only dating for only a month, what number of days of no-contact would you recommend?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 12:59 pm
either 2 weeks or 3 weeks..
Jessica
October 24, 2016 at 2:44 pm
Hi!
My name is Jessica, and I have recently went through a tough breakup, and really need some guidance on what to do next. It has been 4 months since we’ve broken up. I wasn’t able to walk away and give him time, and I made things fall apart because I didn’t understand anything that was going on. He would never tell me what to do or what to expect. I had to guess. I was able to back off and give him time twice, (only lasted a week) It was hard.
I really want to skip over a lot so this message is not long and dreading to read. Basically, I begged. He came back. His mom didn’t like me. He left. He talked to his mom. We worked things out. Then it fell apart one night when I accused him of cheating because he ditched me. We didn’t speak. Then we started talking recently about 2 weeks ago, and we were explaining that we were both tired.
He talked me into coming over to his house to have sex, and then went on a trip with his friends that night and ignored me that night and the next day. I felt so used and hurt, so I sent him a text saying I was done, and it was over. I deserved to be treated better. ( Which I do.. I give a guy my heart and soul ) and then I blocked him from texting me and Snapchat.
I really want to be with this man, but I had to walk away from it all. Maybe I shouldn’t of blocked him, but he just hurt me so much, that I want him out of my life right now. I still want him back. I hate the thought of being with another man, but I feel as if there is no way I can ever be with him again.
Like I said, we’ve been back and forth for the last 4 months. So I am sure he is gone. If there is any chance, or hope, I would do anything to have him love me again or even speak to me.
I am just lost, and no one can explain it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 9:15 am
Hi Jessica,
You need to do at least 45 days of no contact..what was the first reason of the break up? and how old are you both?
T
October 22, 2016 at 11:56 pm
My boyfriend and I split on relatively good terms, deciding that we argued too much and we’d lost attraction (really silly reasons neither of us really believed in), we stayed very close, even “best”, friends for a few months after, still having sex… still very intimate, holding hands often etc., always looking out for eachother, but without the commitment/responsibility of a real relationship.
I eventually decided I wanted him back, I explained where I went wrong and why I felt we worked, he was shocked that I’d admitted to things that truly bothered him in the relationship, but still said he felt like he should really move on, because he’s lost a desire to have a relationship with me(even though he still holds feelings of love/connection for me, admittedly).
However, just after I did this, he started dating another guy, after the 4th date I said we need to stop seeing each-other like we are seeing each-other (having sex, being intimate etc.), and move on… in essence I initiated a NC without thinking it through, and then on the 5th date, he text me to tell me his “date” was now his “girlfriend”. So I explained to him that with him having someone else, officially meant that we need to stop having sex, stop seeing each-other all the time, doing everything together (we did everything together, including sleeping together, except for when he was on his “dates” with this 1 person) and stop seeing eachother. Like the lyrics of Kim Wilde – Leave me hanging on (yes I quoted the lyrics to him, he loves the song lol), I told him I need him out of my life, so I can move on, and so he can fully commit.
I’m under the belief that he will realise quickly that this new relationship wont fulfill him in the aspects I was fulfilling him (emotionally, as a very very close friend) and that he will come back to me asap.
During our period of friendship/semi NC I have been improving myself, I found a good job, I’ve lost weight, I’ve quit a lot of bad habbits I had, I dress better, I look better, I stayed chirpy and funny, kept a smile on his face… so when I opened up to him, I expected him to say yes to wanting me back…
Though obviously now he’s said he’s got a new girlfriend, and he’s denied my advances, I initiated NC a week ago today. Since then he’s texted me at least 2 times every day, first anger for ignoring him, followed quickly by just telling me how his day went… “oh I went here today, I watched this on TV, I cooked this food…” and so on. Even telling me how his day was with his new girlfriend, telling me he went for a long walk and that he’s upset because he can’t stay the night with her this weekend. Then 3 hours later telling me about a TV show again… Always short, to the point texts, no emotion really shown, other than telling me how bored he is.
Is this a good sign? I’m worried this could continue for ages, or that he’ll just give up talking to me altogether, and come day 21/30/45, he’ll have completely moved on.
T
October 24, 2016 at 10:42 pm
Thank you
So I should expect him to maybe stop for a while, and then come rushing back to me with apologies and/or positive messages about our relationship?
Also I’ve heard from a friend of his that his new relationship isn’t serious at all. In fact he’s still looking outside of it in other strangers to try and get the attention…
Not sure what this means for me though
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 12:11 pm
that would be good for you if he does that, but sometimes they just stay silent.. If he’s relationship is not serious, that means it’s just rebound which is another good sign for you.. Just focus in improving yourself now because you only have a short time that that’s the only thing you have to think about. After nc, you still have to continue your routine while rebuilding rapport with him..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 24, 2016 at 7:13 pm
Hi T,
it’s a good a sign but if he stops, it doesn’t mean he has moved on right away.. he may have just realized you’re not responding, so he has to stop..it doesnt mean he doesnt want to talk to you anymore..
Bella
October 21, 2016 at 11:34 pm
Hi!
I am currently on day 18 of NC. I lost all of the pictures on my camera roll during an update. On Sunday, I remembered the only place the photos were available was via Facebook Messenger w/ my ex. I went through saving the images I loved. I thought I locked my screen after that and went to do something. After a couple minutes I went back to my phone and saw that I had accidentally pressed the call button on messenger. My ex had a missed call and a quick voice message (obviously it said nothing). The next day he messaged me “Are you alright? What was the call about?” and of course I didn’t respond because I am not in contact stage.
Do you think he will understand it was an accident or do you think I have to extend NC now?
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2016 at 11:13 am
Hi Bella,
nope you dont have to restart.. you can tell him it was just an accident and then leave it at that..
Jessica
October 20, 2016 at 10:12 pm
Hi Amor!
tomorrow is gonna be day 30 of no contact. we’re both 24 and we were together for 3 months. he broke up with me because he said we weren’t compatible and we fight alot (once a week and not so intense actually) and eventually we will breakup so it doesn’t have a future. we fought the night before he broke up with me – i wanted a little bit time to sleep on things and he got mad and reacted angrily, if i wanted a little space during an argument he became stressed and said that he doesnt like it when im distant. he was very serious about me from the very beginning and few days before the breakup he met my father, i met his sister, he told me he loved me for the 1st time and insisted to give me a key to his place. people thought we will get married because he was very serious about me from the start and talked about the future alot. his guy friends didn’t like the fact that he has a girlfriend and that he is so invested in her (hes the more casual type i guess). at the same weekend was my birthday and i we were supposed to stay at his parents house and celebrate over there – it didn’t happen. at the breakup he said that he once broke up with an ex and they got back together and it was horrible so he cant do it again and this is a final decision. he also cried and said i made him a better person and that he loves me and he will regret it but this is the right decision that he wanted to do it couple of times but when he saw me he just couldn’t because he love me so much (to tell the truth it sounds like a lie and that he did it out of anger and to take control to his hands). i have a feeling that his friends told him what to say or prepared him for this. unfortunately at the time of the breakup i begged and pleaded (not the normal me at all) and at 1st he said lets try again and than he said no and also he said he cant get hurt like this and its also not healthy for me (he was very emotional about everything that i did and we had an intensive relationship..blind love for the good and bad from both of us). i met him accidentally a week after the breakup at a coffee shop and he asked me to sit with him – i said i have errands and left. 10 minutes later he texted me it was nice to see me but i probably wasn’t happy to see him. that i look good and that its nice to see it and he hopes that one day we could eat together in a natural and comfortable way. i didn’t reply – it sounded like he wanted to be friends and i think he felt abit cocky. since than he didn’t contacted me and i passed my 30 days with no contact. i have a feeling that maybe he is stubborn with his decision. we study at the same university and studies start in 10 days, we also live across the street from each other – we kind of planned it . he said he will bring back my stuff at the breakup and at the coffeehouse but he didn’t talk to me about this. my roommate is his in group of friends and she said he told her we met accidentally. i know why we broke up – i became needy and lost my identity. he became controlling. we both did mistakes but the emotional connection between us was genuine and real until we lost ourselves at the end. i seek for advice. to wait until school start (10 days- im not from USA) or contact him now? i dont want to look desperate after he broke up with me (before my BD) and i begged during the breakup. any advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 22, 2016 at 4:33 pm
hi Jessica,
I think it would be better if you start when schools starts
Jasmine
October 20, 2016 at 9:15 pm
Hello I really need help with no contact . What book should I get? I tried no contact so many times but I text him back when he texts for fear of him moving on. He cheated on me several times and abused me verbally and once physically. I don’t know why I am so drawn to him but I can barely stand the days when I don’t speak to him as I imagine him moving on. When we get along he is wonderful then has this very scary narcissistic side that shows up if you blame him for how hurt you are from all the. Heating and abuse.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 22, 2016 at 3:53 pm
hi Jasmine,
we dont advice going back to an abusive relationship.. You need professional therapy to help you move on from him