The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0) - Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,165 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

Mya

October 12, 2016 at 9:31 am

Hi Guys,

So I was with my boyfriend for 7 years, we met in high school and it went from there (same university too), during the last 4 years it was hard…we both changed and became different people whilst working, studying etc. This last year though has been extra tough, and it caused me to cheat. I slept with someone and even though I regretted it, he found out and has basically broken up with me. He has not explicitly said – WE ARE OVER but it feels like the end. I have been reading all the info on this site and from Chris and I have decided to do the 21 day NC rule.. so far I am on day 2. He said he wanted space and the last thing he said was leave me alone.

What are my next steps? If he messages how do I respond? Do I have a shot with this.

I have realised more than ever that I want him back and I love him and planned to marry the guy – things just got hard and I made the wrong choice.

Any advice, pointers would help!

Thanks
Mya

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 12, 2016 at 1:41 pm

Hi Mya,

if he messages in the no contact rule, don’t respond. Have you checked these ones:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
EBR 020- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated

SC

October 5, 2016 at 8:09 pm

my ex broke up with me two weeks ago during a fight. we’ve been together for a year and a half, and within the last 6 months we’ve been fighting more and more. in the past we’ve broken up twice but that would only last for a couple of days. and within the recents months, talks of breaking up have come up but we never went through with it because he thought that we would work through it and get better, and so did i. so two weeks ago he broke up with me because he can’t stand fighting anymore, and fighting over the same shit, and he doesn’t believe that we can get better. he said that he was exhausted and he has done all that he can to make it work. and he doesn’t know if he loves me anymore.
fast forward a few days of no contact post breakup, he texts me asking if he can pick up his shirt. he comes over, and we talked. i wanted to get back together, and i told him that i can change and be better for him, and that i realized how shitty it has been over the few months etc etc but he’s still upset and a little resentful that it has taken me this long to realize what I want and how I’ve treated him in the past. He thinks that I don’t love him because I didn’t show it, he also remembers how I would say that he’s not the one for me, which made him feel like he loved me more than i loved him, and I’ve made him feel like I don’t accept him for who he is. He said its too late for us and he doesn’t want to put in the effort again to make it work. Also, he said that he missed me but doesn’t know if he still loved me. He really wants to get back together too but he can’t break up with me for a second time.
After that conversation, we haven’t talked. I stumbled upon this website recently and I guess I’m back in NC and its currently day 9.
I don’t know what to do. I still love him and I want to make it work. But i also know that i shouldn’t hang on to someone who has given up. i feel like he knows how badly i feel and how i would do anything to make this work for one last time. what should i do? get over him or get him back?

side note, i don’t know if this is significant or not, but his Facebook profile picture is still of us but his relationship status is now hidden. although he’s not super active on Facebook, he does go on it several times a day. and last week when he came over to get his shirt, he told me that he didn’t tell his brother that we broke up, which i thought was strange because they’re pretty close. does this mean anything?

SC

October 20, 2016 at 5:56 am

My ex messaged me for the first time since our last conversation. He said that he was sorry for the way we ended, and he thanked me for the wonderful year we had together. What could he mean by sending that message? And since I’m still doing NC for another week, should I still ignore his message? After NC, do I reply to what he just said?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 21, 2016 at 9:25 pm

I think he’s wondering why you’re ignoring him..yep just ignore that now.. you can thank him in the same first contact message after nc..but just thank him.. dont elaborate much on what he said
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 4:09 pm

Hi SC,

that means it’s either there’s still hope, or he just wants to take time before dealing with everybody else’s reaction.. This time, don’t think much about him… just focus in healing and improving yourself and then decide after no contact if you want to rebuild connection with him

Carol

October 5, 2016 at 4:49 pm

What do I do if this is someone I’ve had fun with virtually but we aren’t a couple. He never messages me first but he does respond 90% of the time.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 3:13 pm

Hi Carol,

I’m going to be brutally honest. If you’re not his girlfriend, stop acting like one.. If you really want to be treated like a girlfriend, don’t give him the benefits of being a girlfriend.

Emma

October 3, 2016 at 1:10 am

My question is that my ex is wanting to drop some of my stuff that I left at his house back to me this week meaning I cant engage in the no contact rule until after he does so, should i ask him to drop the stuff of at a later date or let him drop it of and then start the no contact rule? Just a bit of background … my 5mnth relationship just ended after we had a drunken disagreement on commitment and I think i freaked him out, as everything seemed really good within our relationship before hand and I even met his family the weekend before. His reasoning for ending it was that he couldn’t give me what I wanted and that he’d been feeling guilty, as he was seeing me fall more and more in love with him and he didn’t necessarily feel the same way (he even mentioned there being no spark), which i don’t completely understand as I saw him falling for me to. Thing is we use to talk everyday he’d either call me on his way home or message me and when we were together we would be constantly laughing, having fun and he would give me constant public affection and though there wasn’t talk of a massive future commitment he would say things that indicated he was in this for the long haul.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 7:35 pm

Hi Emma,

So what was it that you said that freaked him out? You can still do the no contact rule even if you have to give his things, just make sure that you only talk about these things. No relationship no feelings at all.

Laura

October 2, 2016 at 1:17 pm

Hi, I have a question about no contact. A bit of background – my finance broke up with me after almost 3 years together, almost 1 year engaged, and 3 years of a very close friendship prior to starting our relationship. We were having some issues but the kind of thing that can be worked on when you love each other, have a strong friendship etc… A lot of it was to do with my confidence and the stress that caused. To be fair to him he had been very patient with me for a long time but the last few months I have been doing loads better (mainly because I’d finally been diagnosed with something that does actually cause confidence issues, depression, etc, and that’s helped to get it under control)

When he broke up with me he asked about trying to remain friends because he would hate to lose his best friend, I said I’d think about and then I texted a few days later to say I’d like to try being friends but not meet up too often. However, I’ve since found this website (thank you!) and decided I need to do no contact for myself as well as him. Who knows whether he’ll come round at the end of it but we’ll see and hopefully I’ll have moved on enough to be ok-ish if the worst happens!

Anyway, my question is this – he texted me today to say “I am up for meeting sometime this week if you still want to”, could you advise me on the best way to respond to this please? I guess I don’t want to be too obivous about the no contact thing… Maybe I can just say I need some space??

Thanks in advance 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 9:30 am

Hi laura,

yeah, you can tell him you can’t handle being just friends in the moment and that you need space

Claire Roland

October 1, 2016 at 12:50 am

Hi,

So I had a few questions, I guess, just based on my situation. My ex broke up with me two weeks ago, and I was very blind sided by it. He told me at about 2 months ago he stopped liking me as much as he had when we first got together (we were together for 9 months). He said I was a great girlfriend and did nothing wrong so this was extremely hard for him, and he wanted to remain friends. I met up with him two days later to talk, but just like when he dumped me, I just kept asking him to give me another chance to make the relationship work, but I was denied. He just had never talked to me about what was going on. The last two months we did start arguing more because I would pick fights because of hard things that were going on in my life, and I feel like this has a huge play on why this happened. However, we talked lightly after he told me he had no interest in getting back together. When he was drunk he messaged me a lot over snap chat and even tagged me in a cute animal video like he did when we were together, but then didn’t talk to me for 3 days. I let him know that bothered me and we met up last night and talked for 3 hours trying to figure out a way to be friends because he seems to really want that. When we talked he told me he wasn’t 100% sure about the break up and he could develop feelings for me again. He told me he misses me sometimes and even went as far to check my tumblr to see how I was feeling. After knowing all of this, and seeing him and having it feel so comfortable and good (we laughed and joked a lot), I suggested we be irresponsible and sleep together. He was conflicted at first and stuck wanting us to be friends, but before I left changed his mind and we had sex. After we had sex, he texted me asking if I was still okay, and he told me he felt less tense emotionally and physically. What does that mean? This seems to be headed in a direction of friends with benefits. This morning he sent me a few Snapchats but that was brief and I haven’t heard from him much. When we talked the previous night, he kept saying he wanted to keep our talking brief because he felt if he got to close to me he would gain feelings again. Since I’ve made this situation so complicated, is no contact still the best option to get him back? Do I tell him I’m embarking in no contact? He’s a pretty stubborn guy and wants to stick to what he thinks is right, so after no contact do I just text him like normal? Should I tell him I miss him if he doesn’t say he misses me? Since we’ve been broken up for two weeks already and he still feels certain about this decision do you think a month of no contact at all will make a difference? I’m committed to bettering myself, but I want him in my life. It’s been the best relationship of my life and I truly see a bright future with this guy. Feedback would be awesome on how to handle no contact, especially after when I text him because I don’t know if he did miss me, if he would even admit it.

Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 3, 2016 at 3:44 pm

Hi Claire,

there’s not guarantee that the no contact rule will work but don’t suggest to sleep together again because you would really end up in being friends with benefits. Nope, don’t tell him you’re doing no contact..

Sarah

September 29, 2016 at 2:54 pm

I try to do no contact but we see each other every day at work and always when we see each other, there’s this sexual attraction. And we are sleeping with each other. He doesn’t want to commit and I always tell him it’s fine but actually I do it because I want him back. What shall I do? I don’t know what to do.

Sarah

September 29, 2016 at 6:53 pm

I told him now that I don’t want anything from him and that I need distance. He will not reach out for me anymore and he got really cold. As he knows that distance is the only way I can move on. Should I just let go of him now? We said goodbye in a very angry way… And he was so cold.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 11:14 pm

Why not finish no contact rule first before deciding if you would move on or not? Review this podcast:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Don’t be friends with benefits again. That lowers your value.

Cristina

September 27, 2016 at 4:09 am

Hello,

So I began No Contact on the first of September. Unfortunately I had to text him for work purposes yesterday. It was concise and to the point but polite and friendly. He replied briefly right away and I responded a couple hours later. He didn’t not respond to that message at all. Today he messaged me once regarding the work matter (I needed a file from him). It was very brief. I thanked him and he did not reply. I’m just getting nervous because I was originally supposed to initiate contact with him on the first of October, but I’m afraid he wont respond. I can’t tell where his mind is at. Do you think I should extend my No Contact further than 30 days? He never contacted me at all during the rest of the month, but I wasn’t expecting him too because he’s very stubborn.

Background on the break up: 2 year relationship, we were in love, same values and goals in life. Both from different countries though which was a stressor. He was graduating from university and we would have been doing distance for a bit (I have a job lined up in the same city when I graduate next year). But ultimately he broke up with me and it was a hurtful break up. He left me for a mutual friend but he didn’t cheat on me nor did they have this “thing” together for very long (it was only after two weeks of this girl telling her she liked him that he broke up with me). I don’t know if they are together right now but three weeks after we had broken up they weren’t. To me, I feel like this other girl was a convienent escape for my ex because he was scared and we had been stressing about the future all summer. When we were breaking up he was saying contradicting things like how things had been getting a lot better between us (over the summer since our stresses caused short fights at the beginning of summer), how I was one the best people that he knows and how I am too good for him.

What do you think based upon this?

Cristina

September 28, 2016 at 3:41 pm

Oh I have definitely approved by leaps and bounds! Thanks for your assistance Amor
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 11:05 am

you’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 11:39 am

Hmmm.. It depends more on how you improved during 30 days, if you didn’t improve, yes you should extend but if you did, there’s no need to extend. But you also need to keep improving yourself even after nc, while you’re building rapport with him.

Alyssa

September 26, 2016 at 6:07 pm

Well I followed the 2 texts only for day 2. Then I got another one, “Actually, you should probably just cut me out of your life completely. Probably would be much better that way. Have a good one though!” I guess its time to move on completely.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 27, 2016 at 3:34 pm

Unfortunately yes, Alyssa. He said it straight.

Lucy

September 26, 2016 at 3:18 pm

Hi, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me out of the blue one day (about 3 weeks ago). He went on a trip with his friends and we got in an argument and when he came over to talk about the argument he sat me down and said he couldn’t do this anymore. He said he thinks we are too different and that our personalities don’t make sense for a marriage in the future. This was completely out of left field because just two days before we were talking about marriage, and he was telling me about how much he loves me. He had also given me a promise ring about 3 years into our relationship. We met up a few days after the initial breakup and he said he still wanted to break up, and when I said goodbye he started sobbing talking about how these have been the best years of his life. He then became very mean and cold towards me and now won’t talk to me or any member in my family at all. His family has reached out to me a couple times telling me how sorry they are and that they miss me. I have been doing this NC for about 2 weeks now, after I sent him a message and he didn’t reply. We are still friends on all social media, and he seems to be doing fine and not missing me. I’m just very shocked and confused still and don’t really know what to do. Any help would be great.

Lucy

September 28, 2016 at 8:11 pm

He actually broke up with me in person the day he got home from the trip, when I didn’t apologize for getting in the argument with him. I think that he is just scared about all the changes happening in his life and is pushing me away. I just don’t really understand how he can go from being in love with me one day and then two days later saying he isn’t anymore and then he cuts me out of his life. The podcast was very helpful, and will hopefully make the NC time easier. When my no contact is up, do I contact him, and if so what am I supposed to say to him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 4:01 pm

Yes, you can initiate contact.. Choose a topic a topic that he loves talking about.. Uh, I don’t want to look like I just keep pointing your to different articles but it’s just the ones I recommend can help you more compared to me explaining it. So, here it is.. You can check it for first contact message.
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Lucy

September 27, 2016 at 3:43 pm

And I just want to clarify that when I mean “interests” I mean activities. He is very active and likes to be outside and while I like to be outside I’m not athletic so I usually just watch him do his activities. we have the same values and beliefs and everything. During the break up he talked about how me doing the activities would have been nice but he never really asked me to participate in them with him. Every once in a while he would and when he did, I usually would participate in them so that he felt like I cared, because I did.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 5:04 pm

hmm.. yeah the trip might really be the trigger or he already had that in his mind before the trip and then you fought and it’s just easier to break up with you while he’s there because it’s not personal.. Check this out for what you can do during nc:
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant
Lucy

September 27, 2016 at 3:19 pm

Hi,
He told me he loved me while he was on the trip. I would say that we fought the normal amount. In our 5 years together we have had very few huge fights. They are usually small arguments that get fixed that day. He is very bad at communicating how he feels, and he said he has been considering it for months after he got back from his trip. He recently just got hired for a job he’s been working for with his entire life, and since then people have been commenting non stop about how we need to get engaged. I never thought that anything was wrong between us, but he just kept saying that we have different interests, which never seemed to bother him before. I am on week 2 of NC, but this week has been tough and I’m always having to talk myself out of texting him. He is showing no interest in talking to me because he is so stubborn. I do think there is a possibility that he is wanting to see what else is out there. We have been together since we were 17 and in high school, and now we are 22.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 27, 2016 at 2:03 pm

Hi Lucy,

You said two days before he broke up with you he said he loves you, so that means the trip was one day before he broke up with you? Or he said that while he was in the trip? Do you always fight? Do you think he realized the relationship got boring and there’s more out there after the trip?
That’s good that you’re already in nc.. Are you actively improving yourself?

Fanny

September 24, 2016 at 7:13 am

Hi! My boyfriend and I were together for a Little bit more than a year LDR until this tuesday. (No contact since then.) We really loved each other and cared for each other and Were like best friends during our time together. Two months ago his father sadly passed away, I was there for him and he let me be there for him. Everything was still Good in our relationship after that and he always Said he was lucky to have someone like me in their life. Just the day before he broke up we talked about our future and he asked when we could see each other again (since we had long distance). The morning after he suddenly told me that he didnt think he was strong enough to be in a relationship with all his grief, and that he needed to concentrate on himself and his family for the time being, which meant that he had to let me go. I could tell it was really hard for him to do so, and I could also see how much pain he was in over the loss of his father which made it even harder for me to let him go but I had to respect his decision. I asked him if he really meant making plans with me the day before and he Said he really meant making them because that was what he wanted. When we parted he kissed me and Said he loved me and was thankful for all I had done for him, also he Said I could contact him whenever I felt like it or needed someone to talk to, and Maybe send him a letter. Later same day he texted me saying “Maybe someday it could be we again”.

Now, should I use the no contact rule here? Even though I want him to miss me I also don’t want him to think that I stopped caring for him just because he broke up. I’m afraid that if I start ignoring him he Will lose trust in me being there for him and make him think I don’t Love him anymore. I’m also afraid that if I’m there for him “too much”, he Will feel like I didn’t respect his decision and that I’m not giving him time to concentrate on himself.
Does it need to be 30 days no contact when I really care about his well-being, or does he need me to give him 30 days-ish so he can be alone? I know he still loves me so it’s really hard to know what to do to not ruin anything.

Fanny

October 4, 2016 at 9:28 pm

Yeah I’m not sure either. When he wrote “maybe someday it will be we again”, it maybe didn’t mean he would reach out that soon, or at all if he suspects I have moved on..?

When we broke up and he said I could contact him if I wanted to, I talked about sending a letter because I wouldn’t be able to handle the “intensity” of text messaging. Then when he took me to the train station he randomly hinted that he would appreciate a letter, so I had a plan to send him a letter after the no contact period is over. Since we have a different situation with the distance and that he is grieving, does it seem like a good idea? A letter seems more personal in some way, and the point with the letter would rather be me hoping he and his family are doing okay, how I have appreciated this time apart and that I still respect his decision, than trying to “win him over”. I do want him back, I just want it to be honest and not straight forward…
Does it sound like a good idea or should I go with text messaging instead?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 10:08 pm

we don’t actually recommend sending a letter but if he said that that’s what he appreciates, then go ahead 🙂
Fanny

October 1, 2016 at 8:07 pm

Since the break up I’ve realized that I too needed time, and even though I miss him I feel like this could be good for both of us. I will continue focusing on improving myself and feeling good about myself.
Now it’s been almost two weeks without contact. If he hasn’t contacted me in two more weeks (30 days), do you think I should be the one to initiate contact even though this was a different situation with him needing time to focus on himself? Do you think he even will contact me before 30 days? And if I’m the one to initiate contact, how should I contact him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 6:11 pm

It’s ok to initiate contact.. honestly, I’m not sure if he will contact you during the no contact rule.. but if you decide to initiate after 30 days, follow this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 8:17 pm

Hi Fanny,

He asked time for himself. So, it’s just fair that you ask time for yourself too to heal. You’re not actually ignoring him forever. You’re just going to leverage this time to improve yourself as well. To help yourself influence the way he thinks about you by improving yourself. That way your absence and your improvement can help in dissociating you with negativity or sad memories in his life. For me, you can tell him you’re going to need space to heal too and when you’re ready, you’ll reconnect.. Just don’t tell him it’s no contact and don’t tell him for how long.

Alyssa

September 24, 2016 at 4:26 am

I guess I’ll start with a little background. The relationship was great, but he’s been dealing with depression since before we met and being long distance was not helping. We saw eachother 2 weeks before it ended, we talked about buying a house, marriage, kids, he was dead set on moving to be with me, then it was time for him to go back. When he got back, he was so upset about being back home and wanted nothing but to be back with me. then 2 weeks later, he left me. he said he wasn’t happy with himself and needed to work on himself. then he begged me not to go so he could look at me just a little bit longer (whatever that means). then he wasn’t sure what he was doing. then we were holding eachother back.then a few more excuses. eventually i got fed up and told him if he wants to leave then leave. But then he wouldnt hang up the skype call. he started crying and apologizing for not keeping his promises (about getting married etc etc). at this point i was so fed up and upset, i told him he didnt get to apologize and hung up. we haven’t talked since. I became a gnat for the first day after the breakup. then i stopped contacting him. The 30 day mark is coming up and neither has made contact. the first week i removed myself from almost everything that would tempt me into contacting him and i started working on myself. I lost 15 pounds, started going out more with friends, and even planned a trip to hawaii (next week). changed my profile picture a few times (ive been working on feeling better about myself and as a result, many pictures have been taken lol) and ive noticed every time i changed my picture, he would remove himself from a chat we used or unfollow me on something else. he hasnt done it to everything (yet) but with every picture change, i get some notification that he left a group or unfollowed me on something that was trivial. im not really sure whats going on. with the 30 day mark approaching, i really dont know what to do. any advice?

Alyssa

September 26, 2016 at 4:03 am

I woke up feeling much better about the situation (and more in control of my mindset) and decided to make contact (I’ve already hit the 30 day mark) I got an instant response to which i waited a little bit, responded and ended the conversation. It took him an hour to respond to me again, but he completely ignored that i said i had to get back to work (my conversation ender) and responded in a way that made it seem like the conversation would continue. i have not responded and plan to follow the text schedule. Since he didn’t acknowledge me ending the conversation, should I pick back up where it left off when I text again? And should I think anything of the fact that he ignored me ending the conversation? thanks for all your help
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 12:04 pm

maybe it’s not really ignoring your message, it’s just that it doesn’t need a reply.. If the topic didn’t really end at that conversation then yes, you can continue it.
Alyssa

September 24, 2016 at 6:44 pm

Alright, I’ll keep that in mind. Do you think it would be a good idea to extend it to 45 days? I’m honestly not sure if I’m ready to break no contact at 30 days. It still feels very new and I’m honestly afraid of the possible rejection. I was not expecting him to react by pulling back after seeing me happy (ish). do you think he is trying to phase me out because he’s moving on or could he be doing this intentionally to get back at me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 9:36 am

since you’re not ready, it’s ok to extend. It’s more possible that he’s hurt by seeing you happy.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 6:28 pm

Hi Alyssa,

That means he’s still affected with your posts, which is probably a good sign. I hope he did some improving with himself.. When you start talking again, just take it slow. Don’t open up any relationship topic at first. Check this one: EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Ash

September 23, 2016 at 9:57 am

I was seeing a guy for about 3 months, and I’ve never connected so well with a man before in my life. Apparently, I wasn’t showing him that I was interested enough so he moved on to another girl (this new girl is a plain Jane so I really don’t think it’s going to work out for them). I went crazy after this and did every mistake Chris says not to do in an attempt to win him back and in turn, it pushed him further into the arms of the other girl. This guy then tells me he wants nothing to do with me and he and his new girl have blocked me on Facebook. I’m currently 26 days into the no contact rule, neither of us have attempted any contact at all. Do you think the 30 day no contact will be successful for me? Do you have any other advice for my situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 9:41 am

Hi Ash,

we can’t guarantee that it will but I think you should do 45 days and really make it seem you have moved on. You have to check this too:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

Jamie

September 22, 2016 at 11:03 am

I know no contact isn’t just to get your ex back, it’s for you to have time to heal. However, I’m wondering how no contact will work if my ex is snap chatting / texting other girls? There’s one girl in particular that I know he’s snapping… I don’t think it will turn into anything but won’t he not be thinking about me if his mind is occupied with her?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 1:54 pm

Because in human nature, he will still think of you after the break up.. What matters more is what he will see when he checks your profile. Would he be attracted to the new you through your posts? Would he be curious?

Jane

September 21, 2016 at 4:10 pm

We broke up on friendly terms even though it was he who initiated the breakup and it totally surprised me. He explained that being so close to me is scaring him because we might not be in the same city when we graduate and also that he doesn’t like being so close to someone that he loses his freedom for them. I understand that I too have been a bit too emotionally dependent on him and that I might have been a bit too insecure for him to handle. However I want to give this relationship a second chance and I’ll try my best not to repeat the same mistakes a second time. Anyway, getting to the point, we broke up a few days back and neither of us have texted each other after that. I am planning to start my no contact period. However, we live in the university campus and we end up seeing each other very often at lunch and dinner times when all of our friends sit at the same table. Maybe I can go to lunch at a different time with other set of friends? Or is it okay if I sit at the other end of the table and not talk to him much? Also, we have the same circle of friends? What do I do when we all want to hangout as usual, maybe go out to eat? Do I tell my friends that I cannot come when he’s there? I definitely don’t want to lose my friends or spend less time with them just because he’s gonna be there too…but isn’t it awkward for everyone if we both are there and it is obvious that I am ignoring him on purpose?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 9:12 am

Hi Jane,

If they know that you broke up, it would be natural to not to talk to him. Just be civil whenever you’re around each other but do your best to do other things and to grow. Have a new routine, ask some of your friends to go out with you like the girls only, do new things to meet new people, make new friends that you can introduce to your old friends

Emma

September 21, 2016 at 1:20 am

Do I tell him that I am doing NC? Or do I just start ignoring him? We have been in constant contact so I feel rude ignoring him but I want to do what is best! Thank you 🙂

Emma

September 22, 2016 at 8:24 pm

Hi Amor:
We were together for almost 3 years. I am not really sure why we broke up but we had an argument and he needed some “space”. We broke up in June. We have been in constant contact since then but I don’t want to just talk to him, I want him back! I am thinking of disappearing for a little bit and doing NC but I do not know if I should tell him I am going to not talk to him for a while or just initiate NC without telling him. What do you recommend?
Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 4:35 pm

Well, you can’t really say you’re doing nc.. Nc wouldn’t have that much effect if he knows that you’re ignoring him for a certain amount of time..The best you can do is tell him that being friends is not working out for you and you need space for yourself. But you can’t tell that it’s nc and you can’t tell for how long
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 7:41 pm

HI Emma,

wait a minute first.. When and why did you break up? How long were you together?

Ro

September 20, 2016 at 8:13 pm

Okay, I will try to add some photos over the next few weeks. Thank you, Amor.

I know I probably shouldn’t ask this question but… do you think the 21 day NC could work in my situation? We were together a long time, the break up didn’t end in any kind of anger (although it did end in tears), he told me several times that he cared deeply about me. Since the break up there has been no communication whatsoever from either of us, and honestly, I think he made the decision in a rush. Literally two days before he ended it, he was talking about our future like it was completely guaranteed. I will wait the full 30 days if I have to. I absolutely will. Getting him back is my priority over the time frame. But would 21 days work in our case?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 5:57 pm

We can’t guarantee the nc will work, whether you do 21, 30 or 45 days.. but I don’t think 21 days for you to really start healing and improving. Do at least 30 and then extend 45 if you need to.

Sierra

September 20, 2016 at 7:02 pm

My ex and I met at work and dated for 3 months. I really liked him and he seemed crazy about me, but at some point he stopped really talking about things that mattered. This caused us to argue a lot because I thought he didn’t take me seriously. I ended up reaching out to a guy friend of mine to talk and it really messed up the relationship. He didn’t trust me and I didn’t trust him because he was always getting snapchats from girls, always deleted his history and never opened them in front of me. Every time I pressed that issue he ignored me but other than that our relationship was great. We took a trip for my birthday and I was hesitant to meet his family because it was still really soon and nobody wants to be the girl that the family met last time and isn’t around anymore. I thought we were serious because of that. They asked me why I wasn’t coming for thanksgiving. He Never asked and when confronted with the issue he kept changing his answer or not talking at all. We broke up because he wasn’t communicating and he insists that he doesn’t want to be with me but his reasons keep changing. I couldn’t handle it and tried to demand an explanation by calling a lot. I see him at work and he always tries to talk to me, insists on us being friends. I started the no contact and got 10 days in and did really well with working on myself. I got impatient though because I work with him and he insists on talking to me. so I texted him and we talked for a few days. We had a huge fight last night where he said he misses me. He also said he doesn’t want a girlfriend and there’s no chance of us getting back together. I’m having a hard time dealing with it because everything he does is contradictory. I know I Need to start over with no contact. But is this a lost cause? How do I make him realize his feelings and realized he wants me after no contact? Please help. It’s Hard because I work with him.

Sierra

October 3, 2016 at 6:39 pm

He got mad because a guy at work was talking to me. I was in a good mood and it showed. So maybe he isn’t over it. He said he felt like I was disrespecting him because I walked off after he kept talking down at me and I told him to be more careful with the forklift at work so nobody would get hurt. We Work at a wholesale warehouse and we have customers that shop during the day, since hes been on nights he’s gotten sloppy and reckless with his driving and its dangerous. It already caused him to drop a case of water from the steel. He spent the day taking it out on everyone we work with. He’s acting very extreme. He even cornered me in the break room to make me explain how he’s been careless on the forklift. He got super defensive and I told him I didn’t want to talk and walked off. He spent the day angry and trying to be as busy as possible so he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. When he did talk, he was rude and impatient, complaining about everyone else.
I am trying to handle this as gently as possible but the way hes acting makes it very obvious that his behavior is about me. People are asking what I did to make him mad. I’m really confused. I am going to start no contact over. What I’m really concerned about now though is that he will keep acting this way without me pursuing him. Our coworkers don’t deserve this and I feel like any hope of us getting back together is dwindling. I’m unsure of what to do to calm him down. He acts fine when I seem quiet and bothered, but he unraveled completely when I acted like I was doing good.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 12:43 am

It would be better if somebody else remind him of something about his work, rather than you because he has an emotional prejudice towards you.. so if you notice something, ask favor fron a neutral person to do that..
Sierra

September 30, 2016 at 11:39 pm

He’s been on nights for the past three weeks and tomorrow he comes back to days. I’m freaking out because I feel like he’s over it. I don’t know how to act with him at work again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 3, 2016 at 3:26 pm

If he looks like he’s over it, then the more you should focus in improving yourself and then take it as a restart.. Because if he sees you’re trying to get him back, he’ll avoid you.
Sierra

September 30, 2016 at 11:28 pm

I believe it was 14 days last time. Not near as long as I should have
Sierra

September 29, 2016 at 12:22 am

I met up with him after work a few nights ago because there’s an older guy at work who keeps going between us and starting things. The guy wants to date me and it’s started making me uncomfortable at work. He’s deliberately making attempts to make it sound like we’ve both moved on. My ex told me he would take care of it and denied the comments the guy told me he said. Afterwards he kept asking me questions about my new second job. when I kept my answers vague he got irritated. he said he could always ask the girl at the front desk since he knows I work with her there. I never told him where my new job was, much less that I worked with her. I don’t know how he’s finding out things, but is it good if he’s checking up on me? He told me everything he’s been dealing with since the break up. I told him that the guys he was jealous of when we were together were no longer an issue and he said it was a shame I didn’t take care of that sooner.
I told him about a date I had been on that was awful and he said me he wanted me to be careful.

I sent a text today asking him if he were sure we would never be together again. He. told me that after all of the bad things that had been said between us he didn’t see it happening.
He’s still sending mixed signals and I’m confused. he gets excited when he sees me and tried to talk, but he never texts me or tries to call. I just feel like hes being stubborn. Should I start over with no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 6:39 pm

How long did you do no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 5:40 pm

Hi Sierra,

I think there is still a chance because he still misses you. You should check this one. It’s more suited for you.
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Megan

September 20, 2016 at 3:50 pm

Hi! I started this No Contact thing 5 days ago with my ex boyfriend. He hasn’t tried to contact me yet and I haven’t either, but this friday some common friends are having a gathering and he is going. I was planning on not going but my best friend reaaally wants me to go, so I have no choice. So I was wondering how i should interact with my ex boyfriend if he approaches me. Should I completely ignore him? or act mean? or friendly? What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 4:08 pm

Hi Megan,

just be civil.. If he approaches you be polite but reply shortly. Don’t be engaging.

C

September 19, 2016 at 3:55 pm

Hey so I’ve been a sticky situation. I was with my partner for almost 2 years. We broke up almost 3 months ago, He ended things because our relationship was becoming hard to balance especially with school. He seemed very confused and unsure of what he wanted and was crying because he still loved me but couldn’t be in a relationship. Anywho he would try to contact me over the summer and (even though I never reached out to him) I did respond to some of his messages but he would cut me short so I did the no contact rule. And focused a lot on myself these past months. I’m done with NC now but the problem is Idk where to go from here. We go to the same small university so I see him a lot. I think he’s avoiding me. He can’t even look at me or say hi to any of mutual friends. He gets very nervous around me as well. What can I do next to proceed in trying to begin a new relationship?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 2:12 pm

Hi C,
continue improving yourself and then slowly be more friendly when you bump into each other.. Give a short smile or help him with something if he needs help.. check this one too:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

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