The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0) - Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,165 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

Ro

September 17, 2016 at 8:01 pm

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me recently because he no longer loves me and wants to be single. We both cried during the break up, I begged, but since the moment he left my house neither of us have contacted the other. I am planning on going 30 days without contact. However, I know that his family are as devastated as I am about the break up. His mom came round crying, telling me how sorry she was and made me promise to stay in touch. Will this play in my favor? Or will it annoy him and push him further away?

Ro

September 17, 2016 at 8:05 pm

Also, I am not and have never been active on social media. I don’t want to start posting to show how happy and ungettable I am now, because he’ll know that’s why I’m doing it. Will that be a problem for me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 5:40 am

Hi Ro,
as long as his mom os not trying to convince him to go back with you while you’re talking to his mom, it’s ok to keep in touch with them

try just a few posts.. even once a week

Sarah

September 17, 2016 at 3:02 pm

We broke up as we wanted different things, I wanted a relationship, he didn’t. We were together for 3 months. We had a big fight last week and he verbally hurt me a lot and we broke up. Yesterday he texted me a few times with a few hours break in between starting with how am I doing and stopping with that he hopes this silence of mine is not intentional. I didn’t reply as I want to continue NC. Today he didn’t text me at all. I don’t know what to do. Do I actually have a chance getting him back? For a relationship? And is he missing me at all? Do I say something? And is he over me now as he is not texting anymore? It’s so difficult to not beg for him to come back…

Sarah

September 23, 2016 at 6:40 pm

But I should do the NC rule, right? 30 days? Outside of work.
And at work just being professional and not talk about private things. Thanks so much for the help!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 3:33 pm

Yes! You’re on point! And you’re welcome!
Sarah

September 22, 2016 at 10:37 am

So you’re saying I should do no contact (I’m on day 2 now again…) and just laugh and be happy around him at work and with no contact there might be a chance he wants me back and wants to commit?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 1:47 pm

well, not really laugh and be happy when you don’t really feel like that, just be civil. Not really with the no contact, because just ignoring him will not do much. It’s how much you improve yourself and maintain improving after no contact that can raise your chances
Sarah

September 19, 2016 at 4:15 pm

He doesn’t want to commit as he had bad experience in the past and he doesn’t want to have a girlfriend. He is incapable of having a relationship. He’s only pushing and pulling away. And he says from himself that he is kind of bipolar.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 2:29 pm

some men decided to commit because they can see that if they dont, they will lose a really great and unique girl. Like George Clooney to his wife now. He saw so much value in her and he knows she’s not going to chase him and that she has her own life.. Her life doesnt revolve to him.. If he takes her for granted, she’ll leave or if he leaves her, she’ll be hurt but she’ll just continue to be amazing on her own
Sarah

September 18, 2016 at 4:46 pm

I texted him 🙁 I wasn’t too strong. But I just send some congrats to a certification that he should have made today. With a smiley. Do I need to start over from 0 now?
Also, we are working together…
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 19, 2016 at 3:47 pm

Hi Sarah,

why doesn’t he want to commit? I think you should read this: EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Emma

September 11, 2016 at 8:19 am

Hi,

I enjoyed reading already a lot on your website in the past. But now I have a specific problem where I can’t find the right answer for. Could you please give me some advice. Here’s the story. I met my boyfriend about 3 months ago trough tinder. We started dating and took things slowly. We always had a great time and never any problems. A few days ago I got back from a 3 week travel. We met the night after and everything felt great. The next morning we were having a nice conversation until he suddenly says something about a thing he noticed about girls tinder profiles. So I asked if he was still active on tinder and he told me he was, but he didn’t meet anyone since he met me. But he’s still swiping and chatting. I told him I didn’t like that and asked him what he things of our relationship. His answer was he doesn’t want our relationship to be very serious yet. So I told him that for me it is different and if he still wants to look for other girls he better went home. Then he said he really loves me and he don’t want to lose me. And although we didn’t talk to much anymore he stayed for another hour until he really has to go because of an appointment for work. Just before he left he gave me a strong hug and kissed me and said that everything would be okay.
So I don’t really know if we broke up or not. Now were 24 hours later and he didn’t send a message yet. I will not send first. But I don’t know if I should do NC or if it is to early for that. Could you please give me some advice?
Thank you so much!

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 6:08 am

Hi Emma

I think it’s too early for nc.. hope you’re talking again now

Laure

September 9, 2016 at 10:21 am

Hello,
I’m writing from France so please excuse my English.
I first met my ex boyfriend online, we were just friends for many years, we never had the opportunity to see each other and even didn’t try to meet since he’s far away.
I wasn’t thinking about him as a potential boyfriend even if I’ve always found him charming and very sexy.
After many years, we started talking on social media and whatsapp,we discovered that we could be more than friends, he started to call me every single day, told me how much he appreciates me, day after day i was falling deeper in love with him, he was smart, ambitious supportive and proud of me.
I couldn’t dream of better (the jackpot).
He told me that he was going to come soon (in two months) and then we can meet in person finally… He started to treat me like his actual girlfriend, being jealous if for example I tell him about any other guy or sees somebody commenting on a picture of mine on facebook, i was feeling that he really liked me… After that he started talking about long-term relationship that he wanted to settle down after many years of non committed realtionships and that he always perceived me like a girlfriend/wife material kind of girl and that he was just waiting to be over his previous life of casanova to start this relationship with me… I trusted him (we’ve been friends for 8 years so i totally had faith on him)
After that he had some serious problems at work he couldn’t come on time and started going cold, i couldn’t understand what was going on, why was he avoiding me? I started harrassing him by texts and calls, and he finally responded that he didn’t know when he was going to come that could take several months and that he was trying to slow down his relationship with me to not build dreams and fantasies… I was angry of him (because he was the one initiating everything and he didn’t bother himself telling me about his decision until i harrassed him for an explanation) i went for a NC for 30 days but in the 21st day he sent me a text… I responded late and cold and then he started texting me often talking about random stuff liking my statuses on facebook till the day he sent me : I miss you. I was at work and started crying because he rarely demonstrate his feeling… We talked on the phone the same evening for hours, he was a real sweetheart in the following weeks, then he went pretty cold again, i asked him what’s yhe matter this once, he responded that nothing he was just not a very fan of phone and texting and now he’s back to normal and that it didn’t mean that he wasn’t thinking about me or missing me… I tried to understand (i had no choice after all) and i just waited for him to come and see me (may be physical contact would change something). He finally could come home after 6months of waiting and we met… It was magical, we kissed in the first date, he’s been touchy and tender and told me that i was better than his fantasies, we met several times and each time i felt more attracted. We talked about our future together and he asked me to try to join him because it would be easier for me who just started my career so i can change the country without loosing much.
He went back, talked to me normally for a while and after that started to disappear again, i wasn’t very worried since it his nature… After 3 weeks he texted me: we need to talk
Then he called telling me that we can’t be together because he still has so many things to do before thinking about a long-term relationship that he didn’t want to keep me attached like this for any longer… I was shocked because he seemed sure of what he wanted.
I asked him if he was disappointed about our physical meeting or something, he sais no (yet i’m not sure because he couldn’t have been trying to be nice) but his behavior when he was close to me showed that he was really attracted.
Now I’m on a NC since the breakup(it’s been 17 days)
I’m very angry of him because he was not serious and made me fall in love with him without being sure of what he wants, but yet I love him so much and want him back regretting letting me go… I have been very nice to him, very supportive (too available as well) i want him back to show him how strong i could be, I’m back to the gym and to my foreign language courses(that i let go so i can have more time to talk to him) i want to be prettier and smarter… And want him to know that he’s been mistaken because he’ll never find someone like me.
How can i proceed?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 11:27 am

Focus. Focus in improving yourself for yourself. Not for him. Nothing can beat genuine change. It’s easy to make him see that. Just be active in social media. What’s hard is really doing it for yourself. The change has to stick even if he doesn’t go back with you.

There’s a reason why most of the women who choose to move on right away after a break up, are the ones who get to be chased by their exes. It’s because they really exude the standards that they uphold. It raises their value. It makes the guy think that she’s one of a kind because she knows her worth and she knows when to invest and when to walk away. When they are in a relationship they invest but not too much and when they just keep growing and improving throughout their life.

kate

September 9, 2016 at 6:33 am

i am in a LDR, it has been 49 days of NC. I can’t do much anyway because he has blocked me. My friend said it shows that he is sad on his whatsapp status. But he still has not reached out to me.. what now?

kate

September 14, 2016 at 10:51 pm

Do you think there is a possibility that my ex would still check up on me despite blocking me?.. it’s okay if you don’t know. just wondering. still keeping no contact.. it’s been so long haha.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 17, 2016 at 2:29 pm

yes, there is still a possibility even if he blocked you.
kate

September 10, 2016 at 11:26 pm

hi,

he does not use social media. the only thing i could attempt is to change my whatsapp photos and show that i am moving on ( i know that someone can still see your picture if they blocked you) . it seems that he posted a similar photo to mine, one of his friends and him having fun. i am not sure if he is trying to copy me…

don’t know what to do. i have sent a friend to start a conversation (without mentioning me), my friend was blocked immediately.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 12:46 pm

hmm.. that can be proof that he’s still affected by your posts.. That’s why even though he’s not that active it’s important that you still keep your social media accounts active. That way it shows that you’re moving on and it can help lower his guard down
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 11:06 am

You have to set a limit on until when you would wait. Is it for another month or two? before trying to initiate in other way or moving on. And while you’re waiting, you have to keep being active in social media, to establish that you have moved on.

dayle

September 7, 2016 at 1:58 am

I finished my 30 days no contact and decided to extended it by a week or 2 (just because i think 30 days is too soon). Today is day 32 and he hasn’t texted/contacted me. I work with my ex and bumped into him today. He said Hi how are you and I responded I am good. There was a pause so I asked how are you and he said good and i continued walking. Is that okay? Or should I not have asked? just wondering?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 7:42 am

Dayle,

it’s ok.. What’s more important is that you continue improving yourself, even after nc.

Olivia Brown

September 7, 2016 at 1:07 am

Hello, my boyfriend has been extremely jealous and possessive in our relationship. So much so that i felt as if i couldn’t do anything normal such as hang out with friends. Im absolutely in love with him, and i just wish he would realize and acknowledge what he has done wrong by accusing me of being a liar and cheater. i have always been good to him and i just can’t take his behavior anymore. the last thing i said to him was just that i can’t take it anymore, and he doesn’t trust me and never will. Today it has been a week, i haven’t cried today but i do miss him so much. I just want to know if he will ever realize what he has done to our relationship, sit back and stop blaming me! 🙁

Olivia Brown

September 8, 2016 at 6:38 am

I hope that he does the last thing that he said to me (which i ignored) was that he didn’t understand why i abandoned him, and that he loved me. I just don’t know if he will understand even why I’m doing this. 🙁
Olivia Brown

September 7, 2016 at 1:17 am

by the way it has been too hard!!!! he was calling me a lot the first two days which i ignored and texting me, he has stopped now and my heart it broken. I feel like its what i have to do but idk … honestly I’m not even sure if i should be with him because of his issues but i guess i just need to heal first
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 5:50 am

Hi Olivia,

he’s insecure..and that’s his way of controlling you.. stay strong in nc..he has to realize that you’ve really had enough

Miriana

September 5, 2016 at 9:32 am

Hi, I write you from Italy, so sorry for my english!! 
I love your site!!!!!!

My boyfriend broke up with me less than 2 months ago, after 4 years together and 1 of cohabitation. The reason is that in the last few months we fight a lot for nothing. He was upset for many reasons (work, a dead friend) and he looked for distraction in his hobby and in his friends. So he was never at home and we keep fighting also for that. At the end he said that he’s lost some of his feelings for me. He still love me but he wasn’t in love anymore.

After the break up, he kept writing me, telling me that he was missing him, that he was suffering, that he was repented of his mistakes and wanted to go back in time to treat me better. Reading these messages I started to insist, trying to reason with him and let him think about his decision, giving us a second chance. He said that maybe in the future we would be back together but for now he wanted to stay alone and I do not have to wait for him but live my life. But at the same time he kept telling me about a possible future together, in a new house and realizing all our dreams. So I kept hoping, but I did all the mistakes that I should not do (write him, call him, go to him, etc.). He become nervous and colder, and he has stopped to write to me.

Two weeks after the break up, he met a girl and they began dating. I went crazy, I couldn’t believe he already had forgotten me after the words he had writed to me. So we fought again. He said that he has met someone who make him fells good, and I do not have any reason to be jelous or angry because he’s sigle he can do what he want.

I think she’s only a rebound (she has broken up 2 month ago with her boyfrind after years) but I’m afraid because they are going really fast. I was a rebound too at the beginning. He had broken up with his ex for two months after 3 years of relationship. We went very fast but I saw in me many positive things in comparison with his ex and I prevented him to treat me as a rebound, so our story worked. That’s why I am so afraid that even with the new girl it can works.

She’s become friend of all his/our friends (on facebook too) and on facebook she liked all their picture. And he did the same, new friends and “like” on her pics. She’s also written on facebook status that make me really sad, tagging him: status like “never been so happy” or “life is less frightening since you are in my life” (I guess that her last relationship was really unhappy if after a few days she’s already so in love with my ex!!!). But I Know him better than her and I know that he don’t like this kind of public demonstration. Indee he didn’t “liked” or commented her posts, not a big deal, but she wrote something public and the tagged person do not even “liked” the post.

So I decided to start the No Contact Rule, but at the same time I use Facebook as a weapon (following your advices). I started to post new beautiful pictures of me, new pics of me with our dog (that I know he misses it a lot), of me doing new sports, of me happy without him. Now, after 2 weeks of No Contact, the other girl is disappeard from facebook (even if she do not use it a lot): no new post, no “likes” on our friends posts, no “likes” on my ex pics. My ex instead starts to like my pics with both of his profiles (one personal and one professional).

I’ve never been good at waiting, and I’m thinking to interrupt the no contact, text to him with an excuse and test the situation, because I don’t know how things are going with the new girl. Looking at facebook I’m a little bit optimist, but at the same time i belive they’re still together. I’m also afraid that if they broke up, he will not make the first step bacause when we fought the last time he said that he will never come back with me. So I don’t know what to do, if write him and see his reaction or wait and remain vigilant. I miss him so much!!!

Thank you,
Miriana

Miriana

October 7, 2016 at 8:05 am

Update: 3 months are almost passed from the break up and i’m fine!!

The no contact period has worked in every sense… I thought only of myself and I feel much better, the obsession about my ex is passed and I’m accepting things for what they are. I still hope to win him back but if I do not succeed, I have found myself anyway, and that’s ok!
The situation with my ex is starting to improve too. I have not reached the goal yet, but we are making progress. Little steps after steps. It was hard but I have not broken the no contact period. 30 days! And right the day after he contacts me!! We started to text and, even if there’s a bit ‘of embarrassment on his part (he’s still with the new girl and things are going good, at least apparently because she still doesn’t like to my ex’s parents) we were also able to joke a little by message.
We set a day to see us and fix the last things related to cohabitation. Because of various commitments we struggled to find a day that suited both of us. So we spent three weeks texting each other.
His cousin (my dear friend) keeps me updated and told me that he started to ask around about me… seeing me always busy, he’s asking if I’m dating someone. This news excited me but at the same time agitated me.
I wasn’t ready to see him anymore after that news, so, for fear of breaking down in front of him, I postponed the meeting again. Result? He texted me to apologize for the way he treated me after the break up. His exact words were: “I know I behaved badly towards you and I feel bad for this everyday more. I want to see you for this reason too… i want to apologize in person. I just want to know if you are dating someone. I would be happy to know you’re okay because you are a person that deserves a lot more than what I gave to you”… unbelievable!!!
I thanked him for his words, I told him that there are a couple of guys who write to me (and it’s true) but at the moment I’m not interested, I’m thinking only of myself and I’m fine. So I took the opportunity to ask him how he is, in general and with the new girl. He said he’s happy to know I’m fine, that he’s fine, but he’ll be better when he will apologize in person. He didn’t say anything about the new girl.

I’m really happy for his words, i appreciate them a lot. But at the same time I’m worried about the reasons he told me these things… Why? And why now?
I want to be optimistic and believe he’s really sorry, that even if he’s still with the new girl he really feels guilty for the way he treated me and the things he said to me, that maybe he misses me at least a little and that he’s start to understand that the new girl is just a rebound and the honeymoon is finishing.
But I don’t want fantasize too much and deceive myself. In fact, my fear is that it is interested to know about my actual situation because of his situation at home. If I’m ok and I’m moving on, he can reassure his parents who still defend me so that they accept his new relationship and stop to hinder it.
I’m happy and confused at the same time. But whatever is the motivation he texted me, I want to think it’s a step forward anyway. Even if he had an ulterior motive, even if he’s doing that for the sake of his new relationship, the things he said wasn’t necessary for the purpose. He has many flaws, but he’s never been a person who does this kind of tricks, maybe the new girl and her mom, but not him. So i want to believe that his apology is sincere.

Anyway, it’s a step forward and when I’ll see him I’ll have to make a good impression on him.
Maybe it’s not yet the time for us, but these are progress.

Thanks for the advice and support … I’m reading every single article of the site!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 8:55 am

That’s good! take it slow..
Miriana

September 14, 2016 at 9:04 am

Hi, Me Again!
I have news and I need some advice because I’m very confused.
It’s day 20 of the no contact. I spent the night texting with my ex’s cousins. I am still in contact with his entire family. I had a great relationship with them and i still go out with his cousins and their friends, his parents invite me at home for coffee, and they all keep me updated.
So, I just found out that my ex brought the new girl at home to introduce her to his parents, but they don’t like her and are not happy to see. They still they defend me also in front of her. So they don’t want he brings her at home again. I’m really happy about that, but at the same time I’m afraid that this situation could transform me into the common enemy and make them closer.
He really care about his parents’ opinion, and I don’t know the effect that this rejection could have on their relationship on the long time.
There is also another person who interposes in all this… the new girl’s mother. This woman has introduced them to each other when they both brokeup their relationships. She has convinced my ex to turn the page and focus on a new relationship with her daughter. Now she keeps my facebook page under control (I know it because i receave notifications of her, liking my pictures for error and then unlike them). She sends flower and others gift to my ex’s parents trying to make them accept her daughter. I can understand that the daughter controls me and try to give pleasure to my ex’s parents. But the fact that the mother to do all this is really ridiculous, she IS ridiculous, and i don’t understand how my ex can accept all this (I know him pretty well, he likes freedom and hates meddler people).
I also discovered that tomorrow they leave for an holiday, after only one month of relationship. This holiday scares me. Can I still believe that she’s just a rebound? They are going really really fast, but I don’t know what to think anymore.
I still want him back, but at the same I know that if he will come back I will have some conditions at this point. Trust is difficult to recover.
Can I still hope about his return?

Thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 17, 2016 at 4:32 pm

Yes, there’s still hope.. Just don’t say anything bad about the girl nor her mother, or don’t get in a fight with them.. just keep improving yourself and having your own life.
Miriana

September 6, 2016 at 12:00 pm

Thanks for the advices.
I will continue the 30 days no contact. It will be difficult because there are many temptations.
He still have some of his stuff at home, also important stuff, but he’s not hurry about it. So i think it’s a good sign. We are still paying some house fornitures and he told me he will pay his part and not worry about the money. So we’ll have to stay in cotact for a very long time, and that’s another point in my favour i guess. If i put myself in his new girlfriend’s shoes, i would not be happy about that. In the meanwhile she’s back on facebook. She simply rarely use it.
But the worst is that she looks a good girl, not an easy one, and she’s became friend of all his friends, while I have lost them too. And his friends are one of the reason of the breakup, i didn’t like some of them. So it could be a reason to stop him from the come back in the future.
We’ll see. I have to stay motivated and focused on myself. Stop being obsessed on him and keep control his profile. Let the things go. Good things come when you least expect them.

Thanks again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 7:46 am

That’s right and you’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 11:13 am

Hi Miriana,
You’re English is fine! I understood you. Dont break no contact.. Finish the 30 days and continue your activities even after it. And dont be too forward once you start texting him.

Be friendly only so that he wont avoid you. If he thinks you’re trying to get him back, he will avoid you to avoid fights with his current gf

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 3, 2016 at 4:43 pm

You can do it! You’re welcome
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 6:27 pm

HI WL,

you’re doing good in improving yourself, you have to continue that while rebuilding rapport with him.. What’s not right, is that you kept checking his account.. but the good news is that he’s ready to talk to you. If you’re really not that ready yet, extend another week, and then initiate.
feelingblah

August 31, 2016 at 10:14 pm

Me and my ex were in a relationship for 8 months. He broke up with me because he wanted to take things faster. I work with my ex but I don’t have to see him every day. I am on day 27 of my No Contact with my him. I have stopped talking to him completely. Initially I did not see him at all for the first two weeks then one day he passed by my desk and smiled so I smiled back. Later next week I was playing ping-pong with my co-worker and he happened to be around. He was watching me play and was running around to get the ball. I did not talk to him but behaved normal when he would return the ball to me. He has not messaged me at all in the past 27 days. I thought it was all going great and more importantly I was starting to feel better. I wanted to do more than 30 days (~ 6 weeks) for several reasons. One being, I wanted to feel better. In case it didn’t go as planned, I did not want to end up hurt. Also, if he has any clue of this get your ex back program, he would be able to guess what my intention is and would think I am weird.
I stopped facebook notifications from his profile, remained offline on my office communicator and stopped using Instagram so that I do not get any updates from his profile. On day 26, as I was feeling better, I logged onto Instagram and noticed that he had posted something on Instagram on the same day that I had posted something related to the same topic on facebook. Only to find out that he posted it before I did. I felt so funny because I had no clue and I was not checking his Instagram. It would seem to someone as though I posted what I did to indirectly communicate with him on the same topic. I feel so stupid. And hate the timing. What does this mean for my No contact? Do I need to restart?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 1, 2016 at 1:08 pm

Hi Feeling blah,

nope, you’re doing great..just continue on with no contact

MP

August 31, 2016 at 1:49 pm

Hi-
I just bought Ex-Recovery PRO but wish I’d bought the No Contact Book, I need more help with this stage. My boyfriend and I were together for 2.5 years. We have quite a few years between us (almost 20) but that has never bothered us. He is older but I am truly an old soul and feel like he is the perfect man for me. He broke up with me when he found out I kissed a friend at a party. A mutual friend of the guy I kissed and my ex found out and told my ex. He also found out I kept in touch with the friend and that I went to another party where he was (nothing happened and I’ve told this to my ex but I did initially lie about going to the party…I eventually came clean to my ex about all of the above facts). Needless to say, my ex immediately broke up with me two months ago. We lived together in his apartment, shared three dogs, gardens, etc. For two months I begged, sobbed, pleaded, and groveled for him to take me back. I showed up at his house, called and texted incessantly, made him dinner, continued to walk the dogs and leave him love notes. He reluctantly let me hang around. There were times that we held hands while watching tv, kissed (on the lips but nothing more than a peck type kiss), and just hung out together, but he never allowed me to sleep over or truly let me back in. He clearly has a guard up, was always stand offish and what I like to call ‘in limbo’. I’ve been an emotional wreck. Finally, I reached my breaking point with feeling like he will never forgive me. I went to his place and gathered the majority of my stuff. He was there while I did this. I sobbed, begged him to give me another chance and asked him to fight for me. He said he needs time to decide. Long story short, since then I’m on day 4 of NC. Last night I went to a wake and lo and behold he was walking in as I was walking out (what terrible timing). He gave me an awkward wave and kept moving. I feel like all the confidence I built up the past 4 days has been shattered. I am still strong in my NC but I still have things at his house that I’ll need to get (my bike, filing cabinet full of teaching materials, sewing machine, etc.) I am terrified he is going to contact me during NC and ask me to come get these things. I cant see him without breaking down. I guess my question is: Do I break NC if he asks me to come get my things? How do I respond if I should respond? Should I be the one to initiate the collection of the rest of my stuff (I would like them at some point but feel going a month or more without them is fine). Do you think there is hope for us? I am lucky in that he doesn’t have social media but he is one of the most stubborn and proud men I know. I think this really hit him (and his ego) hard and want to do whatever I can to help him forgive me so that we can be together. Any advice helps, thanks so much for all you do and for all the informative books and articles.
Blessings~

MP

September 8, 2016 at 4:09 am

Hi again Amor,

So I’m on day 11…had to “break NC” to talk about getting the rest of my things from the apartment. Conversation was about the things and when to get them…he asked me small talk questions I kept answers short and said goodbye. He will be there when I get the rest of my things. I’m afraid this is my last chance with him, every instinct is telling me to ask him for forgiveness, the status of his feelings, or if he’ll spend time with me. I know these are NOT options and that I need to be strong. He seems so unaffected. Any advice?
Blessings~
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 10:53 am

you didnt actually break it because you kept it about your things only.. look you best next time you see him and think about the consequences if you talk to him.. would it help your situation? If you talk, would it show that you have improved?
MP

September 2, 2016 at 9:15 pm

Thanks, still haven’t heard from him but only on day 6 of NC. Because we lived together, as I mentioned, I still have quite a bit of stuff that is around the house. Decorations, nic-nacks, books, teas, some clothes, house plants. I am probably over thinking this, but does it hurt the chances of him releasing negative feelings towards me if he’s always around my stuff? Like does he feel like I’m still around all the time because all of my stuff is still surrounding him? I was waiting to let him ask me to come get my stuff because I’m jelly when I see him and none of it is that important to me right now. At this point I could probably put on a brave face or ask if I could go while he’s not there. Do you think I should retrieve my things? Thanks so much~
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 3, 2016 at 4:47 pm

Not really.. if he’s busy he probably doesnt notice or if he does, that can sometimes remind him of the good times too
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 4:03 pm

Hi Mp,

it’s ok to talk and meet for your things but keep it only about the things.. don’t talk about the relationship and your feelings.. Look your best, and be strong.. Ok? Be optimistic.. That’s your non verbal way of showing you’re improving. I think you have a chance.. It might take time but I think you just need a restart from all of this.

Sin

August 25, 2016 at 5:52 am

My ex was a guy that is a bit older than I am. I am currently 23, and he is 32. We have known the other for two years, and I was originally dating someone when him and I became friends over a site. I use to ask him for relationship advice with that boyfriend, being him an older male with more experience in dating. He was a sweet guy, and helpful. The person and I didnt work out, but J, I shall call him, and I, remained in contact because he had become a good friend to me. Months went on, and we began talking about other things and led into sexually themed texts. Jokes, at first, then not. We talked about many things, J and I, including fishing whichbhe was always trying to get me to go with him, even offering to pick me up, since I still lived with my parents, didnt have a job-I did odd jobs to make enough to cover basic things- and never had enough money for a car. I would decline because I told him I rather meet him in public first. So he came out to see me to learn how to play a card game better.
After that, we talked more and late into the early morning even when he had work. He enjoyed tallkng to me, and it was reciprocated by me as well. We had arguements, and he would tell me to fuck off and leave him alone sometimes. At first, it was like whiplash, but Id stop, and he would eventually come back and explain why he was mad, and whatnot. Then he just disappeared for a couple of months.
At that time, I stopped trying after a couple of weeks. Figured it was over and I tried to go about my life. Moved out for a bit, hung out with friends, and then he came back. He was angry, and come to find out, one of his friends’ kids died after being hit by a car on her bike. He lost his house and was trying to get stuff back together, in which case he thought of me, he said. And he apologized and said that he wanted to talk again, and he missed our conversations. I was hurt, but I understood, except I was with someone else. And he was pissed, but I told him that it probably wasnt going to work out. It was a weird situation and he felt more like a friends with benefits. I wasnt happy in the situation. And he said he couldnt talk to me until I was single, lr hangout, because he wanted me and my body. And that stung, and we argued, but it was a couple of days afterwards, J and I texted again, and he said that he didnt think it was a good idea, buthe didnt want to lose me as a friend. We talked and argued, and he said that if thr guh was my friend at heart, he wouldnt be hurt if I left, and if I wanted to be with him -J- like I claimed, it wasnt right to my friend anyway. So, it ended up a mutual break up, and then J and I began to chat like before, late into early morning and skyping. Just happy and grumpy, then he wanted me tonhelp house sit his friends’ place with him. So I did, after getting into an argument again over miscommunication. Once we hung out though, it was great. We watched movies, talked about games, went to eat and drink at the bar he worked at. He didnt like me smoking cigs, so I would try not to arojnd him so much, and I was more relaxed, so I eased up anyways, and I had a shitty job by then, but it was a job.
His friends were gone for a little over a month, ans we would hangout on the weekends, order out, or walk around on the beach. Talk about photograpghy… hed wake me up with coffee and a kiss sometimes. And it was new for me. I dont date much, and the four other people I dated, were kind of fucked up anyways. I was let go at my job after a month, and he was looking into places at the beach for me trying to help me out.
Eventually, I came to work at the place I do now-for almost as long as he and I dated, which was roughly 6 months- because of a couple of other friends. But… once I began working there, ans his friends came back, we started having more problems. He slept in his truck, but I didnt mind. I cared about him for a while, and had began loving him after two months of actually dating -four months into hangingout and whatnot- and everyone could see it. Except him…
He didnt trust me because of my guy friends and are crude jokes. We work in a kitchen. I told him the jokes there arent very savory, but they were jokes. Everyone knew about him, I showed him to my coworkers. I was happy with him. Spent nights in his truck with him. It didnt matter. He didnt like my place because of the distance-an hour drive- but it was fine. Mh job allowed us to see eachother more easily.
But eventually, he broke up with me. About two months ago. We were dating since April 1st. He ended it at the beginning of July.
He told me he thought I was too childish, and that the jokes I made, werent appropiate because I was dating him. He would try to argue over such little things, and I understood, but I stopped hanging out with them, and he brgsn going through my phone going through everything. And everything he didnt agree with, I deleted so he wouldnt worry, but he still did.
My coworkers called me whipped and that my guy was being a dick.
But I love him and just didnt want him to think shit liek he was. So I tried working on it, before we split, and still am now.
Excelt he told me he didnt care about me after he broke up with me, and basically was telling me to go fuck someone else. And I became drunk with one of my coworkers and dont remember alot, but we had sex.
Then shortly after, J began tslking tk me again. I spent time with him on his 32nd birthday. Bought a hotel room for us, and we fooled around. I had just wanted to get him out of his truck for a night, because I know he hated sleeping in it. And he would send me random texts sayjng he was miserable and for me to fuck off and ect. But, besidez the one nigjt with mh coworker, I hadnt been with anykne else but him. And till the the 23rd of July, he said he didnt want to date me, but didnt want me to see other gjys, or them to touch me, and it was weird fkr him. He wasnt like that with anyone else before. He said we could work out if I worked on my childishness, and at least got my license because it annoyed him to chaufer his 23 year old girlfriend around, then later on thst same day, he asked if I had been with somekne else when we split, snd I was honest, and now, he says he hates me. that he wants me to die, to go to hell, how Im a waste of space. And all this other more fucked uo shit, but will crack small jokes with me, and gave me a helpful hint about a combo with one of my cards today. Then told me the other shit, but couldnt look me in the face and just stayed on his phone just staring at the screen withojt finger movements for awhile. And i love him, very much. And im told to just drop him. Hes an awesome guy; works hard as hell at his landscaling/contracting job. He is…. jjst not with me anymkre. And Im a bit of a spazz, but… I want to be with him still. Because of it. Any suggestions, or is it better to just abandon ship?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 29, 2016 at 12:20 pm

Hi Sin,

so when did you really last talked?

Matilda

July 21, 2016 at 8:58 pm

Hello, I wanted to ask if I should do a 30 days NC or just a 21 or so because I’m starting NC two months after the break up. What’s better?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 22, 2016 at 5:26 pm

do 30 days…

Leigh

July 18, 2016 at 2:43 am

I initiated nc and within 24 hrs he texted saying he respects I dont want to talk and then he called 4 times in a row a few hours later and then texted I give up and I cant stand being ignored so goodbye. I am panicking a little as it has not even been 24 hrs sonce I initiated nc. Please help!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 19, 2016 at 1:55 pm

Hi leigh

he’s angry because he didn’t expect you to really fulfill your word..let him be to cool off..that’s his way of getting you to talk..

Alexandra

June 18, 2016 at 8:19 am

Hello, I’m living with my ex boyfriend and doing NC as much as I can, but when can I tell him when we meet home and he asks me why I’m ignoring his phones and messages during day?
Sapna

June 12, 2016 at 12:46 pm

My husband of almost 12 years left home on May 2nd. He said he no longer was in love with me and how I no longer treated him well. I was so involved with our 2 and 3 year old that we didn’t make time for each other and drifted. I of course regret not dividing my time better now but I did not think he would just leave. I begged and pleaded the first month but now I have taken a step back. It’s hard to implement no contact but I am trying since Wednesday.
He just doesn’t care anymore. Even to work things out for the sake of the kids. He is putting up profile quotes like “in the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take”. I don’t believe in my heart there is someone else but he seems to want to leave for a better life that isn’t even there yet. Do I stand a chance? I tried no contact for a week previously but I felt it just pushed us further away. But I am trying as it’s the only thing I have left to do. I was unfaithful 9 years ago and I thought we got over it but recently he has been dwelling on this and blaming our problems on this. The other complication is he suffers with depression and anxiety

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 17, 2016 at 9:43 am

Hi Sapna,

You need to treat as a restart..that he has decided to move on now and you are doing nc to heal and to be more stable and have your own life, so you can be friends again and then slowly rebuild rapport from there

Jho

June 3, 2016 at 8:02 pm

My ex boyfriend broke me just recently without any valid reason may 10 exactly we’ve been dating for almost 8 months. I thought everything is going well and all of a sudden he texted me saying relationship is not for him anymore. I beg him to stay ,to keep me cause I know from the very start that I didn’t do anything to end up our relationship like that. Long messages,pleading and begging him but I didn’t receive any response from him .Then days after that started not to contact him and he’s the one contacting me like pocket dialed the phone and any other Excuses then so my no contact was failed tried to talk to him in normal but I just realized the more I text him the more I feel the pain. One time I accidentally dialed his number and he txted me if am I ok and ignore all his text until I replied him back saying ok I will leave you now you called me and not talk to me something like that so I explained to him that i just accidentaly dialed his number in that conversation he said he is upset saying I thought you don’t want to talk to me anymore. It just weird I’m sad that your not around anymore he said also that he miss me . One night he texted me feel like his flirting with me and the other day he feels very sorry for what he have been acting. Then he ask me if I’m ok i tried to be honest with him so I said I’m not ok and I think I just want you to not to txt me anymore but before I says that he txted me saying maybe it’s ok for now if a held our conversation a bit or weeks until you get better he said.that time I feel very emotional cause based on what he says like he just want me to become ok and he will move on in his life I don’t know if do I still have the chance to get him back I love him so much that I want to keep him can you please give me some advice thank you .i am in day 8 of no contact and just recently yestery he txtded saying i saw your stuff over here i can keep it for you and you can pick it up. Still i just ignore his message

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 11:41 am

Hi Jho,

you should focus on healing and improving yourself. If you want to raise your chances, you have to improve and get active in posting your activities, for him to miss you.

Anna

May 16, 2016 at 3:59 am

Hi there!
My exboyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a couple weeks ago. Initially I was very emotional and did all the “taboo” things like begging, and even asked to get back together a couple days after it happened. After seeing that did not change his mind, I decided to do limited no contact because we still live together.
From the limited contact, I’ve been able to see why the break up happened and how he couldve fallen out of love with from my insecurities and nagging, and external issues like job stress. Now I feel like I know what I need to work on with myself.
My question is this – the 30 days of limited no contact will be up in June when we still have a month left on our lease. So after the limited contact and we still live together, how do I reinitiate contact again? Right now for June I’m planning on maybe going to my parents’ place for a few days and there’s a family vacation planned and I’m also planning on leaving the country for vacation the following month in July. I just wasn’t sure how I should initiate contact again if we are still living together at that time. Also, if having these vacations will help my situation.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you!

Anna

May 20, 2016 at 12:19 am

Thank you!
Then after about a month of that, our lease is up so I will be leaving. Should I do a full no contact after I leave or try to keep contact with him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2016 at 8:40 am

since you’re done with no contact, you should continue talking to him
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2016 at 8:55 am

Hi Anna,

slowly start to talk to him by saying good bye when you leave, or telling him hi when you get home or that you cooked something and then go back to your room or continue to do other stuff. Yes, the vacations are a good idea.

Josie

May 13, 2016 at 10:54 pm

In what cases can you use the 21 day no contact rule? I’m doing limited contact (school) and its 21 days today. I was shooting for 30 but I recently heard off his best friend that he’s trying to move on but he still gets upset when he thinks about me and the breakup, which was surprising to me because he must have an amazing poker face. He did break up with me but at the time he still loved me, he just didnt think we were right for each other or making each other happy (dated for 2.5 years). Anyway, since I found out this news, I think Im emotionally ready to slowly make my way out of the no contact period while he still cares, but I need to know whether that’s just me missing him or logic speaking.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 6:37 am

Hi Josie,
it’s better if you finish it. you’re reacting to the news that he’s moving on

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