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Emily
May 9, 2016 at 2:19 pm
Hi Amor,
I am currently giving my ex some space, I am treating it like normal no contact. His mum wants to have a coffee with me and he has told me he would be happy if I did, he also said he doesn’t mind me talking to his friends as they all really like me. Should I or should I not? Many thanks!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 10, 2016 at 3:22 am
Go.. if you keep having a good impressuon on the people around him it will help..just don’t deliberately ask his mom to help you get him back
Caroline
May 4, 2016 at 2:05 pm
My boyfriend and I had a really amazing relationship for a year and a half. We both felt quite early on that the other person might be the ‘one’ for us. He’s told me a few times that he’d always been looking for a girl like me. However, this past half a year I got really clingy and dependent. I lost myself in the relationship and stopped putting time and energy into the activities I enjoy. I also gained a lot of weight and stopped being the person he first fell in love with. These past two months I started to realize and grew unhappy. The relationship made us both start to feel kind of claustrophobic. We mutually agreed to take a break, however the next day we made it a break up. He said things like he thought he’d met the right person, but at the wrong time and he could still see us eventually being together. I also wanted to break up, but he made the words official so in a sense he broke up with me. I really needed the wake up call. I hadn’t realized how clingy I’d gotten. In the 5 days since, I’ve tried to institute the NC rule. I deleted his number from my phone and haven’t texted him at all. I’ve also started exercising again and eating healthy. The only problem is we go to the same university and live in the same dorm. I see him ALL the time. Yesterday I saw him 3 times. Two days ago (three days after the break up) he came up in the library to chat with me. He seemed really sad and was mostly just making up an excuse to check in to make sure I was okay. I assured I was. All the signs I’ve been giving him are that I am doing really well. Usually when we see each other we just kind of smile sadly. Yesterday when I saw him I walked half a block chatting with him because we were heading in the same direction to class. We were both pretty upbeat, though the conversation was a bit forced. Then the third time I was coming out of the gym and he was going in and neither of us really looked all that happy to see each other. I guess my question is, how do I institute NC if I see him ALL the time? Also, my boyfriend is a pretty impatient person and he was a real player when we first met. I am worried that in the next month he will revert back to his old ways and start sleeping with a bunch of different girls and dating other girls and will get over me. What do I do? I know he’s sad but when we decided to make it a break up he said he didn’t want to be with me. What if that’s true? How do I stop him from moving on before the month is up? How do I implement NC when I see him on campus/at parties?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 2:38 pm
Hi Caroline,
if he said he doesn’t want to be with you and moves on in a month, that means he’s really not serious in the relationship.. one month is not enough to get over somebody.. it has to be limited no contact.. change your routine so you don’t bump into each that much and when he approaches you to talk don’t be engaging.. just answer politely to his questions, excuse yourself if you can and do new activities…
Cassie
April 26, 2016 at 7:25 pm
Hi Amor,
My ex boyfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago. We were in a relationship for 4 years. The last two years haven’t been the best due to me becoming depressed due to my birth control pill. This depression really took a toll on our relationship. I lost my sex drive, became very distant and cold, negative, slept all the time, didn’t want to get out of bed, and had no energy or motivation. The thing is, I didn’t realize how bad I was until he left. Despite all of this, we still had great moments together. But now that he left it has made me realize that I don’t blame him for leaving. He has communicated numerous times to me what he was unhappy with but I just couldn’t understand since I was in that state of mind. I have realized that I need to work on myself in order to have a successful relationship, so I have made the necessary changes. I have quit the pill, I am almost two weeks into NC, and I am seeing a therapist. It has been a month since we split and I already feel better and getting back to the old me, although I still have a long way to go. I will admit that I have tried to talk to him after he ended it and noticed that he was ignoring me (which is understandable). I can only imagine how hurt he is to know that the person he loves/loved changed and I’m sure he felt like there was nothing else he could do but let me go. I love this man deeply and him leaving just put everything in perspective for me. NC has been very very difficult but I know that is what’s best because he is too angry/upset to talk right now anyways. My fear is that it’s too late to fix this and that he will find someone else. I did find out he went to a local bar with another girl (that he was interested in back in high school) a week after he ended our relationship. Hearing that completely crushed me. I’m not sure what to think about it. Part of me thinks he did it to avoid his feelings over the breakup but the other part of me thinks that he’s genuinely interested in her considering he was back in high school. Should I be concerned about this or is this typical for a man to do?
Cassie
June 2, 2016 at 1:34 pm
Hi Amor,
We have talked lately. I found out he is sleeping with the girl he has been seen with a few times. I confronted him about it and we have argued. We have light conversations as well. He still texts me. He claims he still cares about me but he is skeptical and questions if I have truly changed for the better. I am so confused and extremely hurt. I know I have no right to get upset for what he does because he is single but I simply can’t help it. Not sure where to go from here. I truly feel like he does still care and he has said that he has considered working things out. I feel he is confused. But I don’t want to be a backup. I have unfriended/blocked him on all social media sites and he was upset about that. He thinks I’m removing him from my life. Not sure if I should distance myself from him or keep fighting.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 5:38 am
well, it’s your right on who you want to stay in our life.. if you’re still unsure, then it’s better to focus on yourself first before trying to build rapport with him.
Cassie
May 23, 2016 at 7:34 pm
Hi Jen,
We have been having light conversations through texting in the past week. He has even texted me first. When I went to pick my stuff up (in person) I kept it short and sweet. We did not have any serious conversation. Although he did give me a note that he had given to me back when we were dating which stated he promises that we will have both good and bad memories but in the end they will make us stronger. He stated that he thought that was accurate in our current situation. He did offer to meet in person and talk about things which has not happened yet at this point in time. We did have an argument this past weekend because he did go to a hockey game with a group of people and the girl he went to the bar with a week after our breakup was there and invited him. I”m assuming they are talking so I’m just confused why he went if he offered to meet in person to talk? He did text me today and we’ve been talking about our relationship. Not sure where to go from here. No contact? Tell him I don’t think it’s best to talk about our relationship? Meet and talk in person instead? It sounds like he wants to try and work it out but he’s scared that things will go back to the way they were and that I haven’t changed for good.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 3:00 am
Hi Cassie,
you should just keep it light and listen if he wants to talk. Have you talked again?
Cassie
May 16, 2016 at 3:20 pm
We are meeting tonight. He did initiate small talk through text last night. Seems like he wants to talk.
Jennifer Seiter
May 21, 2016 at 1:50 am
Hey Cassie,
Stay away from conversations about your relationship. Keep things like and fresh like Amor said. I hope I’m not to late with this message. Also you’ve arranged dropping off and picking up stuff 3 times? It will seem like you are using excuses to see him. If he is negative or neutral tonight you may have to implement another no contact at least for a week.
Cassie
May 11, 2016 at 4:45 pm
Hi Amor,
So my ex texted me yesterday and told me I have some stuff at his house that I accidentally left there. I asked him when I could pick it up and he replied asking what my work schedule was this week. It seems like he wants to see me in person. The last two instances where I picked or dropped stuff off he just had me put it in his garage. He didn’t mention putting my stuff in his garage for me to come pick it up this time. If we do meet in person and he wants to talk, should I be open to this? Or keep it short and sweet and get out of there?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 2:07 am
did you meet? if not, whatever you talk about, keep it light.
Cassie
May 9, 2016 at 12:22 pm
I caved and completely told him how I felt. We had a long discussion through text and he did open up about how he felt in the relationship and discussed more why it ended. He said it doesn’t make sense to him that I’m taking this initiative now after he tried to make things better so many times when we were dating. He also stated “he’s not sure what to say”. He did not say he did not want to work things out but he also didn’t say he wanted too. Part of me thinks he is afraid to open up about how he feels now because things would go back to the way they were. Now I’m not sure where to go from here. Should I keep my distance, not text him, and wait for him to text me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 5:34 pm
Hi Cassie,
I think you should do a mini nc.. try two weeks before initiating again.. establish that you’re trying to move on, so, that when you start texting again he would think you’re just being friendly then you can slowly build rapport from there.
Cassie
May 4, 2016 at 6:17 pm
When would be a good time to open up to him? Should I continue NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 2:07 am
actually nc was already broken when you replied to him.. the best time is when you get to the dating stage and when he’s in a very good mood. FOr now, I think it’s good that you start with the texting phase.
Cassie
May 4, 2016 at 1:43 pm
Hi Amor,
So I have an update on how things are going. I have been making significant improvement. I have been working on myself, posting on social media, and I’m three weeks into NC and my ex texted me last night apologizing for hurting me and how he handled things. He said that he just wants both of us to be happy. He said that it wasn’t fair to me that he ignored me and that I deserved closure. He explained why he left and said it was not easy at all for him. I told him that I completely understand why he left and apologized for hurting him as well. I did not tell him that I would like to give this another chance because I don’t know if it’s the right time to tell him and if it would push him away again and overwhelm him. Part of me thinks I should tell him exactly how I feel because I don’t want to lose him but then again I don’t want to pressure him or push him away. Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 2:33 pm
yep, don’t tell it to him now.. because if he’s not ready to go back, he will avoid you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 8:33 am
Hi Cassie,
if it’s just right after the breakup, it can be rebound.. so just focus on your nc.. and post in social media.. it’s your way of letting him see your improvement. just don’t caption it that it’s for him or for moving on.
Emily
April 24, 2016 at 7:17 pm
Hello, my ex boyfriend and I dated for 3 years and 5 months. I broke up with him because it was very clear that he no longer wanted to be in the relationship. He wasn’t upset at all when I told him I thought we should break up and I got pretty mad and left. About a week later we got together and discussed why our relationship ended and he told me that he “fell out of love with me” and didn’t see us getting back together. I was his first girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend and he told me that if he went his entire life only dating me he would regret it. This seems like Grass is Greener Syndrome to me but I could be wrong. We left that conversation on good terms and I started NC the day after. I ended up reaching out to him on day 11 of NC (I know that’s bad) but we actually had a decent conversation. He seemed invested in the conversation and when I told him I had go he actually continued the conversation for a little longer. He even sent more texts than I did (I sent 13, he sent 16). Now, I know breaking NC is a really bad thing to do and I’m wondering what I can do to fix the fact that I broke NC. I plan on starting over with the NC, but is that the only thing I can do? Thanks!
Emily
April 26, 2016 at 9:44 pm
Yes, during nc I’ve been going out with friends and focusing on work and school. However, I feel as if he’s annoyed with me now. He told me that while he wants to be friends eventually he needs a while before we talk again. I’ve tried to remove things that will tempt me to check up on him. I deleted his contact from my phone so its not as easy to text him (I have his number memorized but it makes it less convenient to reach out). I’m trying to back off and give him some space but I’m afraid that if we aren’t able to reconcile in the next couple months it’ll be impossible. I’m studying abroad for 4 months starting in August, and my fear is that the separation for that long will make it impossible to get him back if things haven’t gotten better before I leave.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 27, 2016 at 8:43 am
if he’s annoyed it’s better to give him space.. you would push him further if you keep trying to talk.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 26, 2016 at 5:21 pm
Hi Emily,
It’s not really that bad.. You can restart but were you active during your nc? If yes, continue what you were doing. If you’re having a very positive convo now, is it leading to him going back to you?
Aisi
April 16, 2016 at 7:35 pm
I had a relationship of 1 yr and we were very happy. This was my first ever relationship and my guy loved me to the core. It was a long distance hence we used to spend most of the time on phone or Skype. We both are working and independent. We used to have small fights always but that never overpowered our relationship. Both of our families were happy and we got engaged last yr. But just after two days of our relationship, he stepped back and called off our engagement and the upcoming wedding. He owed this to our fights and misunderstanding. Later when I made him understand that these things are ok and we should think over again, he had come down to meet me. We spent good time in private and he promised that he will do everything for us. But again, he stepped back stating that his parents are not agreeing to it. But I know that is not the reason. Its’ he who doesn’t want this. Seeing all these, my parents asked me to forget him and I am under pressure to get married asap. I tried begging, doing everythng to get him back, but he simply plays around asking me to do what I feel is right. When I text him on watsapp, he sees the msg but replies it at his own ease and never replies concretely. It’s been three months now and I went into depression. I am getting treated for it. I badly love him. Though I dont have much time in hands, still I want to go for the “NC” rule. But do you think it will work in my case?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 6:40 am
Hi Aisi,
do nc for you to heal… YOu know it’s better to get back your individuality and lose him… than to improve yourself, attract him back and then he will have cold feet again.. Focus on being emotionally stronger, so whatever you happens, you can accept easier if it doesn’t work out.
Al
April 15, 2016 at 3:02 pm
Me and my ex broke up about a month ago. We were tgt for 2.5 years (1 year we lived tgt, 1.5 year LDR). We are both each other first gf/bf. We talked about marriage seriously before. However about a month ago he ditched me for my best friend (and she claimed she is bisexual all of the sudden recently but still flirt with my ex). The official reason he told me he ended it was there were fights in our relationship and it outweigh the good times we had. And another hidden reason was he has feelings toward my BFF.
Long story short, I went to strict NC about a week after the broke up and today is NC Day 21.
Day 17: He whatsapp me how I am doing and seemed I had lots of fun as he looked at my Facebook. And he updated what he is currently doing
Day 18: He whatsapp me a long text of how thankful he was being with me and he had some of the best times of his life with me. And I did change his life for better, even if we are no longer tgt
Day 19: He whatsapp me a super funny link of buzz feed of my favourite place.
Day 21: He whatsapp me a long text about he owe me an apology. He was sorry for the ruthless things he did to me (He had emotional and kind of physical affair with my best friend, and I kissed a guy about 6 months ago, I did apologise and he kind of accepted) And he did regret doing those silly stuff that hurt my feelings. He think we broke up for the right reasons, but if we can save our friendship then he is willing to try anything to keep it going. He thought I might have already moved on and forgotten about him, but he will hold onto all our good memories.
I would like to know is it a good direction for him saying it or he is just being friendly to me? He is type of super nice and gentleman guy. Is it normal for me being friend zoned during NC? Do I still have a good chance getting him back.? My best friend (the one he dumped me for) is still keep in contact with him tho 🙁
Thank you so much for the books you wrote and it gave me a good idea of what to do.
AL
April 18, 2016 at 8:01 am
Hi Amor,
Haha I am all over this website. Now he sent me two long texts each day, he said he wish he can do time travel, go back in time and undo all the stupid things he did. And only keep the part me and him being tgt : ) He said he is not trying to win me back cause he imagines I don’t want him now. The only thing I concerned about is he said he had an amazing gf ( me) and he was too weak to hold onto, he thinks I can find someone I truly deserve.
He seems so guilty and depressed in the recent msg, is there anyway I can tactically do for him to know he is still the best ? My NC is going to end in 3 days, wohoo. Thank you for answering every single comments I have posted, being so clingy to this website.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 4:03 am
Hi Al,
I remember you! I think you should take that message as a fresh start.. Let’s say you’re just starting out just friends.. and then rebuild rapprt and attraction on the way.. take things slow and enjoy.
Senna
April 14, 2016 at 11:35 pm
Hi. You are probably gonna say I shouldnt try to get him back but I really want to.
First of all we were friends for like 6 years(before my relationship with F we were best friends). And I was in a relationship with another of our friend which we are both friends with(F). I was dating F for 2 and a half years and he told me to stop talking to O (who I want back now.) as he was talking badly behind my back and we stopped talking for a year. Last year F told me if I want to we can still talk to O. So we started talking again. As we three and other friends live in the same neighboorhood we were all together everyday. Then one day out of the blue I had a dream about him kissing me, I told it to him and we laughed. We started talking after few weeks later, like everyday. I was hiding it from my boyfriend. And well the talk started getting serious when my boyfriend F started to act if I was a trash. He wanted “space” to figure things out. But as we practically live together and have same friends it didnt last long. But it was a very bad time for me as I didnt know why he was being like that. Then O was there helping me taking care of me, so big bad ending I FELL İN LOVE WİTH HİM. But the worst part is I couldnt break up with F either. So even if it was really really bad of me I talked and kissed O for like 3-4 months while F and I were in a so called relationship, I am saying so called because we werent getting close to eachother, we were like enemies living together, but we never said relationship was over. O’s parents which are very close to mine found out we were doing this and said really hurtfull stuff to O. He couldnt handle it and I knew even if I left my bf now we had no chance that moment. He tried to stay with me for a week but it was too much for him so he decided to leave smoothly and as we were friends and no one knew about us we had to keep in touch and be together almost everyday. Then I did something more stupid and I left there a month to another city which we go to university at with F. And I stayed there and tried to mend that relationship even if I was in love with another. I did not want to get O in more trouble with his family so I closed myself to him but it made him compelety forget me or sth like that. It was a mistake, all of it I know but I got rolled in and it was like I was paralyzed and couldnt get myself out of the situation. Then after that month I broke up with F for good and after a week later I took O to have a coffee for his birthday I asked if he wanted anything for his birthday he wanted to make out. After that we went for the coffee and I told him that I would open my life for him first if he wants me still. He said he didnt and said a lot of mean things with jokes. So we had stayed “friends” 6 months of being so called friends I am looking for a solution bc I couldnt get him out of my mind. We see eachother everyweek but when we are together we both start to mock eachother in mean ways say witty things, we are like in a lovehate relationship. Last week when we met I asked about his lovelife and he told me about that new girl he has been dating for a while. She is certainly not his type and he didnt seem serious about it. But he has also told me many times in that 6 months he doesnt love me anymore. We have a family wedding and his parents are invited too. Its after 30 days from now, he will probably come but I have to ask him to come(my mother told me to do.) So would it work if I do the 30 day rule? If he doesnt text me in that 30 day period I have to ask him to come to the wedding so I have to break the rule. Dont know what to do. But after 6 months, I still want him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 1:41 am
Hi Senna,
I think you need to find your individuality first… He’s being mean to you but you still want him because you missed how he was before.. You’re chasing the past. Live in the present, if he’s not treating you well, and he has a new girl, then that’s that but I understand.. You want to try.. If you’re going to do nc.. YOu have to set him aside for a month.. You only focus on yourself and find what makes you happy without other people. Improve yourself and focus on your self growth.
Macy Bigley
April 11, 2016 at 5:09 pm
My boyfriend and I just recently broke up. In order for me to not talk to him I had to block his number will this hurt my chances of getting him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 8:50 am
Hi Macy,
it depends but if you can keep him in the social media accounts
Sabrina
April 8, 2016 at 10:12 pm
it is hard to have a NC as we still live together 🙁 I really do not know what to do. I really do want him back, but not like this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 9:53 am
it means you can do limited nc..be kind but be distant.. don’t initiate a talk and improve yourself and go out as much as you can… only talk when needed and when he initiates answer politely short and direct
Keira
March 31, 2016 at 9:33 am
My ex boyfriend and I met as a one night stand, but we got along and kept in touch. We lived in different cities and started visiting each other. Eventually we fell into a long distance for about 1.5 years, 4 hours apart by plane. But we visited each other almost every month for between 4 days to 2 weeks each time, and kept in touch through texts and Skype everyday. We had a lot of similar interests and sex was great because we were in sync and had great chemistry. We were happy with each other and very much in love. We were very comfortable with each other and talked about everything. Of course there were occasional squabbles; he tended to be hot tempered and impulsive while I tended to be calm.
I cheated once within the first few months with someone I had met years ago who I happened to cross paths with one unexpected day; it was partly also because it was the early stages of the long distance relationship and I wasn’t really sure at that point where it was going. Anyway, he found out and got mad. But we talked it through and stayed together, and we did actually get much closer. We met each others’ friends and families and I spent a year looking for a job in his city because he had a better situation at the time.
However I had no luck finding a job, and with the indefinite future, the long distance took a toll on us. We grew impatient with each other – he wanted me to just move there but I was not comfortable moving without a job first, which made us frustrated with each other. He was jealous of exes who have become friends and would get upset when I met them occasionally for dinner or drinks. I resorted to not telling him when I met them, just to save the fuss, and of course he got mad when he found out and insisted because I was untruthful to him that I could not be trusted.
The deal breaker was when I was in Switzerland for work almost 1.5 years into our relationship, and met with an old flame whom he knew about. I didn’t tell him because he would have made a fuss; for me, it was just about catching up with someone I knew from before. My ex found out and decided that was the end. I know I am wrong for not having been honest, but I felt he was being controlling and jealous about petty things. I felt he focused on the petty things while not paying attention to my commitment to him through my visits and my sharing my life with him.
Eventually the long distance did take its toll and we broke up, mostly mutual because we were both frustrated, but he was probably angrier about it than me. We stopped contact for a while. Two months later, as life would have it, I found a job in his city. I told him and he was aloof and said I should do what makes me happy, but that it was over for us. I was disappointed but went ahead with the move, partly because the job was good and also because I harboured hopes that he would change his mind.
Instead, after I arrived, he got even colder. Not replying to my emails, which were not a lot but like two emails asking to meet up (not suggesting a reconciliation but just to speak). I was heartbroken and feeling really down. I ran into him a few times on the street or at bars, and he completely ignored me and even turned his back to me. I don’t understand the acrimony and hostility, but I felt maybe actually being in his city agitated him. I have heard through the grapevine about him hooking up a lot, but I understand it’s because he’s single and I do not hold that against him.
I still love him very much though and I want to try and make him reconsider a relationship together. When we were together, we both said that we were the happiest we had been. I don’t know what state of mind he is in now, but it hurts to be rejected this way by him. I don’t know how the No Contact rule will apply because I haven’t really been in touch at all with him in the 4 months that I have now been living in his city, except for the times I ran into him.
What should I do to get him to even speak with me, much less get back with me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 10:52 am
HI Keira,
I think it has to do with his issue with you seeing exes.. He may think you’re doing the same to him so, it’s going to be tricky.. I think you should try to be honest with him. Tell him that you didn’t tell him that meet because you know he would be angry and that you hope you could at least be friends again.
Sabrina
March 27, 2016 at 10:13 am
Hi, my boyfriend and I lived together, we were constantly fighting. During our relationship we have been through a lot. I lived in his place, then we had long distance relationship for 9 months and at the end we both moved to another country to stay together, however even that time it was not working and we were fighting constantly. Due to many problems and very different characters we were both having very hard time. However I still love him and two weeks back I was still certain he does love me two. But having our last very bad fight something broke this time. And he told me it is better we break up, because we are not happy. I also left our place and went to see my parents. I kept NC for whole 5day. he started to text me once a day, how im doing etc. As I was ignoring him he got pissed off that Iam not reading his messages. So I responded smth like…why should I, he broke up with me. He started to behave like a child and told me that it is better we do not talk and that he was only asking how am I, nothing else. That hurt me and we started to argue again. While he talked to me he was very angry and also admitted he is, that he is lost and he does not love me anymore while he is so depressed he is not doing anything at all, just closed himself at home. He makes me very confused, because one hand it looks like he does suffer but on the other hand he does not want me anymore. I wanted to give us some space to think about whole situation and I must say it really did help me to see where I made mistake and that I really wanna change but it does not look it help him in anything, and he put all the fault on me, not admitting that also he made mistakes. I do not know what to do and I regret I broke the NC rule, because he was very rude and nasty to me while talking. I do regret I did make him sad and unhappy while being together and wanted to change it, but I am scared he does not want to give us chance anymore as we tried so many times. But only now, when I feel I might lose him for real I realized what went wrong. However while he is being so feelingless and harsh to me, it does put me off.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 3:43 am
Hi Sabrina,
It wouldn’t help to talk to him now either, are you back in nc?
Belle Manarin
March 15, 2016 at 12:30 am
i Chris,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Before we celebrated our 2nd year anniversary I felt something weird and felt there was something wrong, he is cheating. He told me by December that he needs a break but I didnt allow him because there’s sonething fishy. Came January he stop going to my house and the text was limited. We also started fighting. January 23 he said he was hoing somewhere that was saturday and had an overnight. He lied to me he was with a friend but found out he was with a girl. I confrontwd hon and beg to stop but never answer and lied that they were just frriends. On our anniversary I got again a chance to see his mails and they were planning fo an overnight. He was so exvited and they both exchages I love you. I beg but that doesnt stop him from doing an overnight with her. I beg and plead but he said he needs his freedom and wasnt happy with our reltionship and that I was to clingy and controlled him and that he is preassure. I wanted to get him back. He now have a gap with his family because his family supported me in a way and I had a good relationship with his mom. He contacted me a week after I stop contacting him and he ask yo give him back his things. He also told me to just accept the fact that he no longer wants our relationship so When he tried to contact me for a talked I told him that we no longer need to talk because I already accepted the fact that we no longer are bf-gf. My conclusion is he has been dating the girl since December and only found out on January and Feb. now its March and I started to do a no contact with him since March5 but he never txt me he told me to just give all his stuff to his mom, I think he is enjoying hs life with the new girl according to his mom even though without closure the girl already visisted them and that they enjoy the company of each other and tehy share same vices. Also my ex told his dad that he did not spend any money during their overnight and that he enjoy her company. What should I do?
Please I need your thoughts on this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 1:56 pm
Hi Belle,
The best solution is to let them be. The more you push, the more you become the common enemy for the two of them. Stop chasing him and start to love yourself. You deserve someone who will be faithful to you.
Penny
March 14, 2016 at 1:22 am
Hi. My ex broke up with me a few weeks ago. We had been together for the last 6 years, and he had even proposed last december. Since Jan/2015 wed been in a LDR, but seeing each other at least once a month, and with the plan of me moving in with him this June.
He said he loves me but is no longer in love with me. And he wants to be friends… and is even being supportive.. though it sounds weird, now that I wrote this..
I thought of starting NC with him.. but I have a few doubts: do I tell him I’ll do it.. or just disappear out of the blue? And concerning whatsapp… is it ok read his messages and don’t answer, or do I have to not read them at all?
Penny
March 22, 2016 at 4:19 am
Hi, Amor. Thanks for your attention in the previous answers.
I’m starting week #2 of NC, and I have not contacted him indo anyway, though I did visit his Facebook and instagram (does it mean I broke my NC?). I’ve joined the gym, went out with some girl friends anda status upgrading my social media. My friends pointed out that my ex is now “giving likes” to every new post of mine, and that he didn’t do this before – I had never realista that, and he is very active in every media. However, the only thing he didn’t “like” was my new profile picture… I am now wondering if he was somehow jealous or if he Just didnt care.
He has not contacted me either… and I dont know if it is out of respect — because he said he’d give me some space (but I’d rather he’d respected me by not Cheating on the first place) — or if he’s Just over me and spending his time with this new girl…
I feel very ridiculous, ’cause I am on my late twenties and he is in his early thirties and sometimes I’ve been wondering if we are both a bit old for this kind of techniques and if I’d better Just accept he is over me and move on..
Does any of this mean anything or am I Just trying to find signals?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2016 at 12:33 am
Nope you didn’t break it. Actually it doesn’t matter what age you are, it’s the same procedure that is recommended by other relationship experts too. It’s a good sign that he likes your posts and he has been active in social medias, it means he’s checking you out. He might be missing you, but we don’t know if it’s out of control or genuinely missing you. It’s the third week now, I hope you’re doing ok.
Penny
March 15, 2016 at 5:03 pm
Just to correcting an unclear part of my text…
“I think he is back in love with the girl he cheated on me with… and I know they were really apart for sometime (he hadn’t told her he had a gf)
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 1:48 pm
Okay, 🙂 so that’s a more reason to make nc productive for your healing. Regarding with his grandfather you can answer the questions only relating to his health.. No small talk..
Penny
March 15, 2016 at 4:58 pm
Thanks, Amor.
I’m not even sure whether I want him back.. I started the no contact yesterday. Before doing so, I checked his Facebook (though I know I shouldn’t) and due to some discreet posts and comments I think he is back in love with the girl he cheated on me with… and I know the we’re real apart for sometime (he hadn’t told herói he had a gf).
I didn’t contact him, anyway.. though it was very very hurtful. Now, I’m Wondering whether I shouldn try to get him back, ’cause I found this so very disrespectful.
Another doubt I have.. his grandfather is kinda sick, and sinceramente I’m a doctar he would sometimes ask a few things concerning his health. Should I ignore these too?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 10:54 am
HI Penny,
You shouldn’t tell him. The closest to that is you say you need time for yourself and you don’t say for how long. And don’t read his messages, if you really want, download the app unseen so he won’t know that you’re reading his messsages.
veronica
March 10, 2016 at 5:25 am
I’m in nc with ex who dumped me, but he keeps contacting me and wanting to be friends. Why does he want to be friends with me? should i tell him i don’t want to talk for now or just ignore him? we broke up last month but then we’ve been talking and now i realised it won’t make him back to me, so i’m starting the nc. I don’t understand why it makes for him to be so friendly right after the break up.
Veronica
March 11, 2016 at 1:30 am
he said he is kinda regretting about breaking up, and still confused. he said he missing me too.
is it possible to him to feel confused about his feelings for me? or he just saying that to stringing me alone?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 11, 2016 at 1:57 am
yes he be confused and if so, nc can help him realize he doesn’t want to lose you
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2016 at 11:35 pm
Hi Veronica,
just ignore him to stop the cycle
Akemi
March 10, 2016 at 2:28 am
I just can’t understand why he still want to be friends after dumping me. I’m working on NC but he keep texting and asking how I am doing, he said he is confuse about breaking up with me. I’m thinking to tell him that i need a time alone and doesn’t want to be friends for now.
Akemi
March 12, 2016 at 7:22 am
yea… it’s pretty annoying because he seems so polite when he talks and i felt weird about it. making me confused if he still want me or not.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2016 at 11:15 pm
yeah you can say that..just don’t tell him how long you need it
Christiana
March 9, 2016 at 4:20 pm
I’m on Day 25 of NC, and to be honest, I’m pretty proud of myself. I’ve been working on self improvement, both physically and mentally. It’s been difficult, but rewarding at the same time.
I hadn’t heard from him at all until late last night. Yesterday was his birthday, but I didn’t break NC. To my surprise, he sent me a text message telling me that he hopes I’m doing well and he had been looking forward to hearing from me, but he understands why I didn’t contact him. I didn’t respond to that. However, earlier this morning, I got another text message from him.
He told me he still cares for me and he hopes I care for him as well. He knows I care about his family as well–some of his close family members have been having some health problems, and he started giving me updates on them. One of them had an intensive surgery to remove a cancerous tumor last week, and his family wasn’t sure if she would make it; she did, but she’s still doing poorly. He then told me he hasn’t talked to anyone about her, and it just felt nice to be able to tell someone.
This is really, really tricky. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 9:25 pm
Hi Christiana,
it is . but I think he’s doing it so you would reply.. reply about that convo after nc..coz it’s only a few days from now and so he can see that, pity is not the way to get somebody to talk to you .. so, just be genuine about the situation after nc
Maggie
March 6, 2016 at 3:48 pm
Hello! I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago, but just started the NC period on the 20th (that is, 15 days ago). My question is: I was a bit GNAT when we just broke up -just one day, and then I stopped. On the 20th we had this awful phone call where he was really mean (without being insulting, though), telling me that, at first, he was upset at me breaking up with him, but now he saw that it had been for the very best. He was SO mean that I ended up calming down and agreeing with him, and haven’t spoken since. Should I do a 30 NC or a 45 NC? Thank you so much! The site is great!
Maggie
March 7, 2016 at 5:25 pm
No, last time we spoke was on the 20th. I just texted him the day after that to tell him one of my students (I’m a teacher) had died, I just thought that was the kind of thing he should know… He responded but I didn’t so let’s say I officially started on the 21st. Anyway, I’ll do the 30 rule and see how it goes. Thank you so much! =)
Maggie
March 6, 2016 at 5:09 pm
PS: I wasn’t a GNAT the whole two weeks after the break-up. It was just a few calls a week after, then a phone call yet another week after that. I don’t know how annoyed he should be to make a 45 day NC…
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 7, 2016 at 2:10 pm
Hi Maggie,
if you made calls after 20th, it means you have to start count after the last call or text.. But it’s good that you stopped gnat after the break up.. I think you can just do 30 days.. if you feel you have to go for 45 it’s ok to extend
Jay
February 27, 2016 at 3:48 am
Hello. My boyfriend broke up with me a month to our anniversary. We ve always fought about how he dosent hold my hands in pubic and how he pays for dinner or lunch more than i do. We have different cultures and i offer to pay sometimes. I am a student and don’t make much money. He made up his mind after bottling this up. He said he dropped hints but he wants somone who would see assisting financially as common sense. He loves me and i know it cos he bought me a ticket to go see his family. He said I sucked him dry, whereas i feel we dont hang outside much for that to happen. He cane to pickup his stuffs and i used that opportunity to beg and cry but he said he is done and pushed me away abs left. In the past he tries to keep us if we have a fight. Tgat breaking up with me would put him in a mess. But cant believe he left me. I don’t know what to do now. But i want him back chances are slim that he would want me back because he said i am religious he is not. He doesn’t want to get his kids baptized. So its a deep situation . He is thinking for the future.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2016 at 11:33 am
Hi Jay,
Yes that is indeed serious.. If you have really have different beliefs either you agree to disagree or move on.. but as of right now, your problem is that he thinks you’re not giving your financial part in the relationship?
Lila
February 25, 2016 at 9:39 am
hi there. i just want to say that this is one of the articles that i had been looking for. i just wished that i discovered this site sooner. me and my ldr boyfriend broke up after one month of being together on the 10th, he made it clear on the reasons why we broke up and one of them is because i’m very clingy. i lost my self-control when i started dating him and i did realise that i wasn’t the same person he fell in love with. i was loyal but he started texting with other girls so i probably drove him away. anyway, he said before that he will give me a chance in the future.. a few weeks or months he said.
i tried nc three times but i can’t help responding to his texts. the attention he gave me wasn’t as much as when we dated and i was only happy for a short time, knowing that we aren’t a thing. but he did say that he’s jealous with me talking to other guys, confirming the fact that he stalks me on social media. i’m only at day 1 of 21 days nc (again, let’s hope that i won’t break it again and cave in) so i might need advice on what to text him when im done with my nc. tbh im quite worried that he will be interested with another girl.. idk what to do to make him consider going back together with me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 25, 2016 at 2:04 pm
Hi Lila,
if you did 21 days before, do 30 this time..
This post can help to give you ideas with texting
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend
STEFFI
February 22, 2016 at 9:27 pm
Hi
Me and my boyfriend of 5 months broke up 2nd week of January, the reason was he lost interest and cannot see as someone he wants to be with for long time. We never fought. I’d say most of the time we were happy except that we became a lazy and complacent due to some factors like work.
I did an NC to him and contacted him after only 3 weeks ( I did not know about this rule and this site until recently), his response was positive. I setup a coffee meet up which he easily agreed. During the coffee meet up we just catch up about our lives but at the end I felt the sudden urge to ask him for another chance. He rejected the idea and firmly stated that there’s no future for us. We hugged as we said good bye.
The worst part of the story was, I ended up drinking with friends and got drunk that night, and went to his place midnight without notice. He answered the speaker phone and said he can’t let me in and that I have to respect his decision and that both of us should move on. I emailed him sorry about the incident the next morning as I felt really ashamed.
Should I do another round of NC? I guess it’s 45 days this time… I am not sure what to do. I want him back but at the same time I also felt it might be better to just move on for good since I tried already and failed?
Thanks
Steffi
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2016 at 4:37 am
Hi Steffi,
I think you just went too fast by asking him unfront right away.. for me just do 30 days and then build up the rapport through texts, then calls and dates