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Dena
October 19, 2015 at 4:22 am
That was meant to be a smiley, and not a “cross” btw!
Chris Seiter
October 20, 2015 at 9:46 pm
Thats ok!
The cross didn’t even show up for me.
Dena
October 19, 2015 at 4:20 am
Hi Chris,
I hope you and you’re family are all well (and you are coping ok with the lack of sleep!)
As per your request, I am re-posting my question here (from approximately 1 month ago).
So, things have progressed quite well over the past couple of months with my ex (we are in contact fairly regularly during the week). The problem is that I am the one who initiates the majority of the time (in terms of texting and setting up phone calls) and I am really starting to get over it.
I suggested that my ex come and visit me next month (as we were in a long distance relationship, and I am unable to fly at the moment), and he said he would follow up with some dates. However, I won’t believe anything until it is actually booked.
He is a little depressed at present, and says he is feeling “flat” (which I thought myself a few months back, but am glad he has now come to this conclusion, so he can seek help).
We have been officially broken up for 7 months now. During this time I have gone through your process and we have been in contact again (after NC) for almost 2 months.
My question is – why isn’t he initiating?
I am getting fed up with him, as I deserve some reciprocation and he is the guy – so he should be doing the initiating for the most part (as he did throughout our relationship).
What do I do to rectify this? Do you recommend another period of NC?
Many thanks for your help.
I thoroughly appreciate it.
Chris Seiter
October 20, 2015 at 9:45 pm
Eh…
I am a vampire.
I go to bed at 7 AM every day… It’s kind of weird.
Have you always been the initator?
Segen
October 18, 2015 at 9:33 am
I have two questions. A lot of time has passed, 5 months of not talking with him. How do I fix that? Besides he blocked me at first from all means of communication and unblocked me from facebook a month ago, how do I contact him? PLEASE HELP! I BEG YOU.
Chris Seiter
October 18, 2015 at 5:56 pm
Is it possible for you to text him? When is the last time you spoke? I know you broke up 5 months ago but you didn’t mention the last time you had contact.
Shereene
October 18, 2015 at 12:16 am
Hi Chris,
I have been dating this guy for almost 3 years. He states that he isn’t ready for a commitment but we do everything basically that a couple does expect for going out regularly (only on occasions). I have done everything I can. I’ve stopped and started talking to him many times to get him to change the longest time frame 29days. However it still is the same. Do you think is makes sense to continue or will the NC rule even work?
Shereene
October 22, 2015 at 1:22 am
Is there anything that I should do?
Shereene
October 20, 2015 at 11:18 pm
Yes 5 days now
Shereene
October 19, 2015 at 1:45 am
And the longest timeframe has been 3 weeks, previous was a typo.
Shereene
October 19, 2015 at 12:38 am
I recently stopped speaking to him 3 days ago
Chris Seiter
October 20, 2015 at 9:35 pm
So, you have been in NC for 3 days.
Chris Seiter
October 18, 2015 at 5:58 pm
Are you currently broken up or are you currently dating?
Chris Seiter
October 17, 2015 at 5:45 am
Well, I would prepare a first contact text message at this point.
Autumn
October 17, 2015 at 2:52 am
Hi chris! My ex broke up with me 2 months ago and I was still talking to him. The problem was the more i talked to him the harder it was for me. I kept trying to convince him to come back and it didn’t work. I didn’t know about the no contact rule yet. After about a month, I started the no contact but after 2 weeks I started talking to him again. He have a positive response and even wanted to go out to arch up. It was because I said a lot had happened and we could catch up sometime. He loved the idea. I asked if he was busy later that week and he said he was. We kept texting everyday for the next week but I felt my emotions going wild again and felt as though I needed more time an that I should try to do the no contact thing all the way through. I am now 17 days through and don’t know if I am doing this right. Should I even be doing the no contact considering I have already talked to him? Maybe to make him wonder what is going on with me. I need help!
Autumn
October 29, 2015 at 3:39 am
UPDATE: I ended up connecting him the next day, day 18, telling him I was watching a Jurrasic World and then it reminded me of him (we had seen that I on a date) and he replied saying that my texts made him smile and that he watched that movie 2 days earlier and thought of me. This is just the beginning of what went down. We talked a little for the next 2 days and I had told him my sister wanted to talk to him about boy problems ( they were always like brother and sister when we dated) he said we should all meet up. So 3 days after I initially texted him, we went out. I thought he was giving my hints, and he kind of was, that he still was interested. He hugged me when I arrived, later told me he cared about me, and hugged me when we left. During the meet, we talked more about ourselves and updated eachother more than we talked about my sister. After the meet, the next few days we kept talking. One of the days I was mentally in a weird place and I had told him. He wanted to know so I told him I still cared about him and I was just going to let him know. He told me he still loves me, cared about me and missed me so much and when we hugged he didn’t want to let go. But he said we should stay friends. The reason we broke up was because religion difference and we would never know what to do about the difference. He said because of that we should just be friends but that he would always love me and care about me and be there for me. So I don’t know what to do at this point. He told me he feels the same way about me as I feel for him and that he’s been thinking and feeling like that a lot latley but doesn’t feel that a relationship would be healthy for us in the future.
Shereene
October 20, 2015 at 10:40 pm
Yes 5 days now
Lucy
October 16, 2015 at 12:49 pm
So me and my ex agreed not to talk for 6 months. How does the NC rule come into play here? Should I contact him at 45 days still? Or wait until 6 months is up?
Chris Seiter
October 17, 2015 at 5:51 am
I think 6 months is too long.
Olga
October 15, 2015 at 8:39 pm
Hi Chris! (be warned: english is not my first language) My ex and I broke up exactly one month ago today. Truth be told, I don’t fully understand why, but what he told me was that his feelings had faded and that he felt I was being too negative. He mumbled a few other things as well, but I did not understand what he meant. I was heartbroken, and the next morning i texted two very long texts apologizing for my behavior the last few weeks (I was experiencing problems at work and had been a little bit depressed) and told him that I thought I could fix the problem if he gave me the chance. He wrote answerd me with an almost equally long text explaining that he had been too much of a coward to tell me about things that he felt we should have done different, and due to this his feelings for me had gradually faded. After that I wrote him back that I would miss him, but that I accepted his decision. I also thanked him for giving me a propper answer and asked him to ignore any drunk texts and not rub any new hookups in my face. At the end of the text I added a question asking if he never wanted to see me again or if he would want us to be friends at some point. He “acceptet my terms” and told me he wanted to be friends in time. Then after that i went into NC. I wanted to contact him all the time, but I had a really good friend by my side who helped me stay away. Day 18 of NC he drunk texted me from a wedding we were supposed to attend together saying. Basically, he just told me that he was at the wedding and that I was not, and the reason for this was him beeing a coward. He also asked if I hated him. I immediatly contacted my supportive friend, and she kept me from responding. Even after subsequent messages asking if I was getting his text; one on facebook and one as a text. Even though i did not respond I spent a lot of time thinking about the text. This made it alot harder that i had to see him only five days after the text. (We both attend the same internship program, and had to go to the same lecture. We did not interact in any way at this lecture.) Up to this point I feel that my NC has been fairly successful, untill this Saturday (NC day 25)… I got very very drunk (on both legal and illeagal substances…), and after a superfun night out with my friends (including my supportive friend) I ended up texting him. I told him I had had a horrible month because of my friend being diagnosed with cancer and my uncle cutting of his fingers, and that him drunk texting me like that was mean. I immediatly regretted it, and sendt a follow up saying “sorry, I allready regret this..”. Just one minute after I sendt the first text I got a text back where he said he was sorry for the drunk text and once again asking me if I hated him. Drunk and stupid as I was i sendt him another text saying that i did not hate him and that he should allready know this. He responded saying he had been very hurt when seeing that I had deleted him from Snapchat. I told him he had no right to be hurt by this since he was the one to break up with me, and not the other way around. His respond to this was to tell me he thought i wanted to be friends. I told him that i did not think that would work, since i wanted something more and he did not. Then he tells me he doesn’t know what he want. Desperate to protect what was left of my dignity, I told him to stop fishing for an egoboost, since he obviously knows what he wants given that he broke up with me. All i got back was a simple “sorry”. This is where I should have put the phone down, but my stupid ass of course decides to text him one more super stupid text: “Yeah, thank you for your time, don’t contact me again unless you really change your mind.” STUPID. Now he knows I want him back, and the whole point of NC is lost. He sendt me another text stating that he missed things we had together, but needed time to think. I did not respond. And now I feel superguilty about texting him and not telling my supportive friend about it. She would have stopped me! And I’m afraid Ive now set my set myself up for alot of pain and waiting…
Sooo.. I have tree questions: What do I do about my friend? I feel like I betrayed her by talking to him again… And of course what do I do about my ex? Should I follow my brain and protect myself by hating him and interpenting his texts as him seeking an egoboost or should I cling on to hope and hope he eventually wants me back? And what about NC, is it time for another 30 days?
Hope you can help me! (Honestly I’ll take the advise of anyone reading this, if you don’t respond) Love your page!
(P.S. don’t know if this is relavant but: The rest of my NC plan, the self improvment part is going well, I’ve achived alot at my internship, had a lot of fun with my friends, and I’ve regained some weight. I know the weight gain sounds like a negative thing, but for me up is better than down, haha)
Yusa
October 14, 2015 at 7:38 pm
Hi Chris,
This is the second time we broke up (he broke up with me). Will these ‘tactics’ and NC still work (with such a stubborn ex..)?
My ex still owes me money and we decided he’s going to return some money every month on my bank account. Last Thursday he went angry at me, because of some Shared Map on Dropbox. I misunderstood him after he didn’t replied to me twice (a week ago and a month ago) when I asked if he wanted to keep the map or if he wanted to copy things from it. But he did replied to other texts. I thought he didn’t wanted to talk about it and I was upset. I stored the pictures somewhere else in Dropbox and deleted the files in the Shared Map. That’s why he became angry. I tried to explain myself and said sorry, but he didn’t want to listen what I’d to say (texting in Whatsapp).
Long story short: He became angry, said I didn’t wanted him to keep those memories (he was emotional? a day ago he was crying because of a letter I gave him a week ago).. I felt guilty. We didn’t talk since then.. and I guess he deleted my phone number, but he kept me as a friend on Facebook.
He has to return some money on Friday.., but now we are in a sort of “No Contact” I don’t know if I have to contact him after Friday if he doesn’t return the money. And do I have to say “I got the money, thank you” or something if he does?
Thanks for reading and I hope you or the other visitors can give me some advice :).
Yusa
October 28, 2015 at 5:10 pm
Hi Chris,
I still have like 2 weeks to go and it goes well.., but now I’m thinking and almost worrying. If I contact my ex after the NC via texting and send him a text like “x reminded me of you” I think he’ll still think I’m only after the money he owes me. What kind of message is the ‘best’ way to send him to get a positive response? And yea, I also want my money back.. but I don’t want to mention this in my first textmessage.
Thanks in advance.
Yusa
October 17, 2015 at 8:07 pm
Thanks Chris, I’ll leave it til NC is over then.
Yusa
October 16, 2015 at 4:36 pm
Is he doing this on purpose, is he playing a game with me?
Yusa
October 16, 2015 at 4:34 pm
Ah, so it’s possible the NC can be effective in my situation? It’s already Friday now and I didn’t got a message or any other sign from him or about the money… Should I contact him about it or should I leave it for now? Like until NC is over?
Thanks for the comment by the way ^^.
Chris Seiter
October 17, 2015 at 5:56 am
Of course!
Leave it until NC is over
Chris Seiter
October 16, 2015 at 2:59 am
Absolutely they can!!!
Jessica
October 11, 2015 at 2:53 pm
Hi Chris!
I did 29 days of NC after the breakup, he asked (on the 29th day) to meet up and then he said he wanted me as a friend. I then said I didn’t want to only be his friend.
So you and I agreed to do the game plan all over,
But now I did something very stupid on day 7 ( I clicked on the ‘blue thumb’ on facebook accidently while re-reading our conversation on facebook – he ignored it btw) and now I’m doing NC all over AGAIN… (already 45 days after the breakup)
But now my question: you said it took 66 days to lose a habbit? So I’m a bit scared that it’s taking to long to begin with the texting? Because we didn’t have contact for a month, then a week we did have contact, then now a week no contact (then my stupid blue thumb thing), and now again I’m planning to do a month again… Do you get my point? 🙂
Erica
October 10, 2015 at 6:05 pm
Hey Chris,
My Question: Is 30 days of no contact appropriate for our relationship considering we only dated for 2 weeks.
A friend recommended this site to me claiming it helped her get her boyfriend back. So I’m gonna give it a try! Only thing is, her and her ex were dating for 2 years before they broke up, where as my ex and I had only officially started dating for 2 weeks before he broke up with me. He broke up with me because he didn’t want to be in a relationship and he felt like he was only putting in 70%. While breaking up with me he actually said he didn’t understand why he was breaking up with me because he liked our relationship (I honestly just think he doesn’t know what he wants). But anyway I’ve already started the no contact period (I’m on day 2!) he hasn’t contacted me or anything yet but I hear from friends that he asks of me sometimes. Btw I’ve already met his family as his gf (and they loved me, especially his mom) lol
Cait
October 8, 2015 at 4:28 am
Hi Chris!
First of all I have newly discovered your site since it took some time for me to decide I want my ex back, but I love all your advice and how honest you are with the scenarios and your insight. Its helped me put a lot of how I was feeling in perspective when deciding I want him back.
My ex and I were together about a year. Everything between us was great to my knowledge for the year until about 3 months ago when I found out he had been sending really inappropriate messages to some girls on tinder. After a lot of arguing and for reasons that would take a while to explain, I decided to try and forgive him and we both agreed to move forward and work things out. I left the next day for a volunteer trip and the entire time I was there we kept in touch and he was telling me how much he loved me, that he knew it would take time to win my trust back but that he was going to make me happy, and all kinds of things that reassured me that we would be able to work things out. The day I returned from my trip he broke up with me in the airport saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship so serious and that we couldn’t work things out right now. I am admittedly a very stubborn person so typically if someone breaks up with me I don’t try and beg or win them back I accept it, learn from it, and try to move on and be better in the next relationship so as much as I loved him and hurt as I was I tried doing the same with him. I cut him from social media and stopped all forms of contact to get over him and have just been focusing on myself. But despite three months of working out, focusing on school and friends, crossing adventures off my bucket list, and dating other people I still couldn’t get him out of my head and can’t put a stop to my feelings for him enough to even be really attracted to anyone else I go out with. So I decided that I wanted to see if there were any chance at fixing things since I feel I have grown a lot as person and Ive let go of a lot of the anger from finding out about the other women and the breakup, which is when I found your site. The three months that I did no contact I didn’t hear from him so when I reached out using your texting ideas I was surprised to get a quick and positive response. He responded within a minute to every message I sent and was encouraging the conversation with questions about my life. However the conversation was very surface level there was nothing that hinted he wanted to see me or missed me a lot, so with that and him never contacting me in those three months has me second guessing myself every time I think of texting him again. I am wondering if I even still have a chance to get him back if he didn’t miss me enough to contact me in that time? And if so will the same texting techniques work for me or does the length of the no contact period change things?
Emily
October 7, 2015 at 11:38 pm
Hey Chris – What if it’s a guy you never became “official” with? I was seeing a guy for almost 6 months, who had come out of a very rough breakup with a girl he dated mostly long distance for 3.5 years, about 2 months before him and I met. Although we share mutual friends, I had never met him until after his breakup. Since it wasn’t an ideal situation, I was a bit hesitant about hanging out with him, but everything was super easy from the get go and for awhile I went along with just having fun and letting the relationship take its course. We quickly became inseparable and did everything together. He invited me to meet his sister and then his parents when they came to visit. He had also become a part of the social group and hung out with my friends. About 4 months in I knew emotionally I was at a point that if he were to see other people, I would be hurt – and I told him so. I was patient with giving him his space to figure out where he was at and as long as the relationship was at least progressing, I was ok with not “defining” it. About a month and a half later, I brought it up again – I just knew I needed to know we were exclusively seeing each other or else I needed to get out. While he told me he was not seeing anyone else he couldn’t give me that promise – that seeing each other exclusively and being in relationship were the same thing and that he was just not ready to be in a relationship yet. He was trying to get me to hang in there, but I said I couldn’t – it wasn’t fair to me and in the long run it would not be beneficial to either of us if I were to stay under those terms. The following few days were dramatic – he told our mutual friend’s he’d made a “huge mistake” and texted me saying “I don’t know what the f I am doing?”, “I can’t stop thinking about you” etc. etc. I’ve been true to what I want and what I need and he has been respectful of that. He keeps saying he is “so close” and that the reason he isn’t ready is that he wants to be able to give a 100% to a relationship, but I told him I feel like he is full of bs and it shouldn’t be this hard.
Part of me thinks he has developed interest in a coworker that recently split from her boyfriend and he is searching to see if something better exist. For me, it has been a constant battle between thinking he is full of it and believing he legitimately is confused. I told him if he really has such strong feelings like he has told me, that this shouldn’t be so hard. Anyways…last we spoke was 6 days ago, when I told him I didn’t think it was smart to see him and I needed to move on with the expectation that he was never going to “figure out” what he wanted or “be ready to give 100%.” I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hopeful about this working out. The hardest part about this is nothing has really happened to cause us to split – no fights, we respect each other, things have been easy and fun. But he couldn’t give me what I needed. While I said what I felt was right for myself, the door still seems open. I plan on not reaching out, but what do you think is going to happen in this situation? I think I will likely hear from him before 30 days, but if I don’t does it make any sense to reach out to him?
Louisa
October 7, 2015 at 7:12 pm
What if he doesn’t contact you either during NC? Is that a bad sign ?
Becca
October 7, 2015 at 5:48 pm
Hi Chris,
I totally understand your stand and your rationale for the No Contact rule. However, I have an upcoming weekly meeting where my ex will be, which is within the 2 week mark. It’s impossible to get out of the meetings so I definitely will see him even if I minimise small talk. I will also see him another 2 more times before the 30 day mark. What would you recommend in this case?
Becca
Lea
October 7, 2015 at 3:20 am
My boyfriend and I broke up 8 years ago and both went on to other relationships. He got engaged and I got married. After, his relationship fell through several months ago, so did mine ironically and now I am also seperated from my husband. We both got in touch and let each other know how we always felt for each other and both regret losing each other etc. We became intimate and he pulled away a few days later and became distant without much of an explanation. We both stopped contacting each other for a month. Neither of us called the other. I contacted him after a month and asked if we were ever going to talk again? He called me immediately and we had a long talk where he explained that I am not yet divorced and he wanted to give me space to make up my mind 100%. He said he wanted me to be the one to contact him because he didn’t want to be the reason I was separated (which he was not & I went on to explain my reasons to him). He went back to his normal behavior texting/calling like usual. We continued the conversation in person and he explained that he had ran into my estranged husband and felt he (my estranged husband) was better for me…a good guy etc. He told me that my estranged husband has more to offer me and he wanted to leave me alone to work on what we built. In other words, he felt if he were out of the picture, I might go back to my estranged husband. But I’m not! We are still legally seperated! I reassured him (my ex boyfriend) that I am not and have not been back with my husband and will not go back to him. I could tell he was happy to hear that. We were intimate again later that week. He said I was all “his” like he was finally convinced. He kept saying “you’re mine all mine” while we were in bed. Anyway, the next day he contacted me like normal, we text back and fourth like usual. Then, 4 days went by without a text from him. I contacted him and asked him if we were going to repeat our not talking again. He said no he was sick the past few days. We had a short conversation and I cut if short because I was angry that he was acting distant again. I didn’t even say bye. I proceeded to stop contacting him for over 2 months. He did not contact me either. I figured we would never talk again. On day 67, he began texting me asking could be come see me at work. I explained I was not at work because I was ill. He text me several days in a row, making attempts to see me but I really was sick that week and explained that I was not feeling well. He did ask me everyday how I was feeling and we texted but mostly small talk. He kept asking if we could see each other but I was ill and was also scared if I saw him, I would sleep with him. So I turned down the chance to see him 3 days in a row. Then all of a sudden, he dropped off again not texting me. Mind you, I allow him to text me first 90% of the time as a general rule so it’s normal for me to wait for his text. I am the extreme opposite of a text GNAT! Lol! After about 4 days of not hearing from him, I text him to ask him some questions about my something he is more of an expert on than me. He text back right away and gave me the info I needed. He told me to call him if I needed anymore help. I said I would and thank you for all his help and advice. That was a week ago! So basically we are speaking/texting but he isn’t pursuing me or opening up to me regarding why we took a 67 days break. He isn’t opening up & neither am I. I have no idea how to break this cycle when it seems we both keep doing the same thing. Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Michelle
October 6, 2015 at 8:42 pm
Hi Chris,
I know u have been super busy and i have been bugging u with quite a few messages but i guess u just have too many of them to deal with. Let me thank u in advance, becuz if u cant help me, no body on this planet can, and i do trust u on ur advices.
My bf and i have not seen each other for abt a month and a half now, and we have been dated for half a yr before that. Last time we met he said he wanted to break up but i stayed over and we were all good the next day before i left, and he did not bring up the break up line.
However i cant get him out anymore so i now realize we may have broken up. I never ask him abt it becuz i was too scared to hear the bad news.
So wr kept text8ng each day, and he is becoming cool and distant. I added to my failure that i let him know i still love him after two weeks of not seeing each other. And hes even cooler.
At the beginning he initiated some conversation too, but after the failure we text more like a frd, and if i dont text him, he doesnt any more.
So he also joke abt chasing my frd n stuff, and i feel uncomfortable but seems like i m now in no position of being not happy abt it? And my frd told him he got exactly how she feels and i feel super unhappy abt it.
Anyways, i dont know if i have helped him in getting used to being a frd? U still think i shud go NC?i feel insecure and thats why he doesnt like me too i think, besides him thinking we dont click.
Thank u again chris.
Michelle
October 7, 2015 at 1:18 pm
My frd said that becuz he didnt make it clear that we have broken up, and i was always confused and saw that there is a chance there..so he has used me as a buffer and he didnt feel hurt at all….so now he is healed but i m still there….him telling frds abt the break up, is that a sign that he has moved on? I feel so hopeless Chris…..please help…..i really wish i have had ur advices earlier….now i still do……please….
Michelle
October 7, 2015 at 5:12 am
And i just found out he has already told his frd that we’ve broken up.. would that lower the chance of us getting back together?
mahi
October 6, 2015 at 6:29 pm
Hey i need a quick advise please. I have got exams next month and my ex has got my pin for admit card. I m in NC day 20. Hall tickets are out. So should i call him or text for the pin? Or would it be good to ask our common friend to get me pin from my ex. Lplease reply asap. I need to download hall ticket within 10 hours.
krista
October 5, 2015 at 9:53 pm
So i dated my ex for 4 months. we broke up because of distance. he said once i moved closer we would make it official again. we didn’t stop talking or even act like we were broken up at first but then he started messing around with his ex again. 5 months later i moved closer to him but he did not make it official. still we kept talking and hanging out. he ended up getting a new gf 4 months later but only lasted a month and i was there for him through his breakup. he found another girl that he says is just his friend and hes not dating her nor will he ever. but he tells me that he loves me and will be with me again he just isn’t ready. its been 1 year and 7 months since we’ve been broken up. should i try the NC on him for a month? Please give me some advice i’m so lost with what to do. Thank you!!
krista
October 5, 2015 at 9:55 pm
Also right now i told him i’m only waiting until the end of this year and if he still won’t commit im moving on. and he says he needs that time and that things will be different, but i don’t believe him. so yeah do you think the nc rule would work?
Confused
October 2, 2015 at 11:56 pm
Hi Chris, So I’m pretty frustrated.. I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half, I was gone for a few months during that time for a volunteer opportunity so we kept contact through emails and Skype and he flew all the way to South America for a week just to see me!! When I’m back, we continue to go out and see each other and it was pure bliss, on our one year mark he told me he loved me and that I was the first person he ever felt that way about and how for him I was his first real relationship and how I was his best friend.I met his family and friends and everyone would tell him how happy he looked with me. During the last two months of our relationship I started getting depressed and had some issues to deal with, I know I wasn’t the easiest person to be around but I never once stopped loving him or respecting him or doing anything I could to show him I cared and supported him and his family. I admit to my faults and shortcomings but I know overall I was a really good girlfriend. Even during this time he would tell me how he had never thought about marriage or kids until he met me, and how he saw a future with me and how much of a blessing I was to him and how he would be there for me through thick and thin. It wasn’t until his birthday where I noticed things started going downhill, on his 27th birthday he just got depressed and started mentioning even more how he’s not doing enough with his life and he desperately wants to leave his job. I told him I would support him in any way I can. Eventually, his anger problems just got worse, having insane temper tantrums over little things and accusing me of not helping him enough. We had a discussion the week before the breakup about where he saw me in his future because I felt like I wasn’t really a part of it anymore. He then told me how he said he wasn’t sure about marriage and kids and all these things anymore and if that’s what he really wants. After this discussion, he started getting more clingy to me, wanting more time , telling me how much he enjoyed my company and how hes so lucky to have me. Then just 2 days later broke it off, saying “maybe the grass is greener on the other side, I need someone who can be a better support to me” I gave him all the examples how I tried my best to be there for him he then told me I was right and I’ve been perfect but he can’t drag me along and maybe we could be friends eventually and that he still loves me and wishes me the best but he just can’t commit right now. We we’re both crying and said we loved each other and hugged and kissed goodbye. I texted him the next day saying I’m going to miss him a lot and I wish him well and hope that someday we can try again when we’re both in better places in our lives and if he ever wants to call or text to never hesitate to. He responded with a lengthy text saying how sorry he was for hurting me and that I deserve the best and he also wishes we could talk again eventually but for us to heal we should both just say goodbye for now. I just don’t get how he could go from telling me how much he loves me one day and just breaking it off the next. I haven’t contacted him since that last text but still hold on to this hope that he’ll change his mind. It’s been one week with NO CONTACT, am I wrong to hold on to this hope ? Or is it pretty clear he’s never coming back ? I’m obviously working on improving myself but should I just give up on the idea that we can have another chance ? It just ended so abruptly and I’m left feeling so hurt and confused. It’s been 15 days NC now.
Confused
October 6, 2015 at 8:11 pm
Hi Chris, I was planning on doing NC for as long as possible,(hoping he’ll reach out to me” he DID tell me the best way for us to heal for now is to not talk. Wouldn’t it be going against his wishes to talk to him ? Should I start slow and at least add him as a friend again on Facebook after 30 days ?
Chris Seiter
October 11, 2015 at 7:14 am
you can if you want but i would wait until you have some rapport built before friend requesting
Chris Seiter
October 6, 2015 at 4:15 am
How long do you plan on doing NC for?