1,167 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

1. 

   Chel

   September 2, 2015 at 3:42 am

   Hi Chris! Ever since my ex broke up with me let’s just say that your site has attracted me and I have been browsing it constantly since. Your no contact rule was the first thing that I noticed and applied to myself. I’m going to try to make my story short (hopefully!) So basically I was in an LDR for roughly 5 month with my ex. Before we were official we have been talking daily for 4 months and getting to know each other. We’ve met quite a few times during our relationship as we were only 5 hours away from each other so it was doable. After our 4th meeting (which actually lasted 4 days and I stayed over in his house) we were still good but he was getting distant again (he had been becoming distant before that as well which resulted in our ‘fight’ several times) then not even a week after our 4th meeting he broke up with me suddenly and stating that he had been reflecting things and thought we were just way too different and he said he “guessed” he didn’t really love me (although I did ask him if he did love me and he answered that). Anyway, so I did try the no contact rule for 2 weeks so I can wane myself off him so to speak and it did work. But I contacted him after the 14th day since he did state that he wanted to remain friends and I do too. Frankly I don’t want him back I just actually wanted to be friends with him because I felt that we were good friends before we became official. He replied but only in monosyllable answers. So I figured he still didn’t want to talk to me maybe. So I waited another 4 days. Left a text to him but was not exactly looking for a response. He did respond the next day though so I saw this as him initiating the contact so we did have a little bit of convo. So every few days or so I’d text him small things but I did also tell him I didn’t want to get back together with him or anything but I missed talking to him. He never replied but I saw that he read my message. This is where I get confused. Before we became official, we did promise to each other to become friends if we didn’t end up together and he did state he wanted to be friends with me when he broke up with me. However, he gives me the cold shoulder when I message him. He would message me back but in monosyllable answers or sometimes he won’t respond. So what do you think Chris? Do you think that I should just cut off contact altogether? I just really want to know what he could be possibly thinking as to why he gives me the cold shoulder. It’s always been really hard to read him as he’s private and used to being alone I suppose. So it’s even harder now to do it. I think that I should stop trying to reach out to him but I’m thinking, if he really did not want anything to do with me anymore then why would he still answer my message from time to time? He didn’t have to but he did the next day and actually initiated it even though he just said hi. So at this point I’m kinda lost as to what to do. I do admit I miss talking to him even though I don’t want him back simply because he’s become the comfort for the past 8 months that I guess I didn’t want to lose. Your thoughts are appreciated!

2. 

   Ready Eddy

   September 2, 2015 at 1:24 am

   Dear Chris:

   This is an inquiry that has been bubbling in my mind for some time now after a week of thorough reading of every single article on your Ex Boyfriend Recovery website. I am currently on Day 5 of NC with my long distance ex. I am asking this because I want to be ready for every single response I can possibly think of from my ex once I finish NC in 25 more days.

   What is the BEST reply to an ex if the text from him after my First Contact text is “Why have you been ignoring me the past xx days?” I am asking this because I was a needy girlfriend who replied to each and every one of my ex’s texts when we were still dating whatever change I could, never missing a single one. I wish to learn of the best response to that because I am 1000% determined to not screw this up one bit.

   If you could reply to me, I would be extremely grateful and appreciative of your support.

   Best wishes,
   Ready Eddy

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   September 2, 2015 at 2:58 am

   You have two ways to play this.

   Way One: Approach it with a mentality that you weren’t in the mood to talk to anyone (including your ex.) You just were going through some stuff and needed some space all around to get through it.

   Way Two: Wait half a day and change the subject entirely. Don’t answer his question at all. In other words, just ignore his inquiry.

   Most men won’t say “why have you been ignoring me” right off the bat anyways. They usually ask that a few texts in.

3. 

   Anna

   September 2, 2015 at 12:18 am

   Hi Chris,
   I’m up to my 15th day no contact, haven’t heard from my ex. My ex and I have been on and off for 6 months. Before that we were in a 1.5 year relationship. He got back from Europe a month ago and he was messaging me but 2 weeks ago he told me that he still wanted to talk to me and he wanted to be with me but he wasn’t ready for a relationship as the last 6 months had taken its toll on both of us and we needed time apart. Should I stick to a 30 day no contact or extend it?
   Thanks 🙂

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   September 2, 2015 at 2:54 am

   Stick to it!

4. 

   Silvia

   September 1, 2015 at 11:26 pm

   Hi chris,

   Had a great time reading the NC rules version 2.
   what I am wondering is that I am going on NC rules for about 1 week. I’ve broken up with him about 3 weeks. But stil,I didn’t get any text message from him :(. Currently we are doing LDR, so I understand there are low chance that I can get him back when doing LDR. We are going back to school at jan. next year. What if I don’t receive any message even aftet 30 days? Should I implement the steps that are listed at your work about LDR?
   Always, Thank you so much for help.

1. 

   Silvia

   September 5, 2015 at 6:02 pm

   Thank you very much for your reply.
   But I have a slight question regarding NC rules.
   We have quite a lot of mutual friend that I could check his news from.
   As I checked from the snap chat he looked totally fine, and I am quite upset about this fact that he looks SUPER FINE.
   3 weeks after break up, I thought that he will start to miss me, but I guess he is not….
   I’m just so upset about this chris 🙁 . I know I should ignore about this but it keeps on going on my mind.
   What should I do about it? Should I just understand as this as my ex’s truth?( that he is totally fine)

2. 

   Chris Seiter

   September 2, 2015 at 2:54 am

   Glad you enjoyed it!

   Yes, remember no contact won’t work 100% of the time but it’s not the entire strategy for getting an ex back. It’s just a portion of it. It’s ok to text your ex first after the no contact rule.

5. 

   Blindsided

   September 1, 2015 at 6:49 pm

   Hiya Chris,

   This is helpful – thank you. I have a question about one of your situations for breaking NC though: how explicit does it have to be that your ex wants to get back with you or wants to talk things out? I think many women (myself included) get messages that we don’t know how to decipher so we continue to ignore. For example, many people say “I miss you” but it doesn’t actually mean that they want to fix anything. In my case, my ex has begun to send texts along the lines of “I still care about you, I think about you a lot, I miss having you in my life,” even called me my pet name in the relationship. But nothing like “I’m sorry about what happened, can we talk about it?” It seemed he may just want to get my attention and confirm that I’m still pining for him. Get an ego stroke, but continue to friendzone. But then again, there are probably ways a man who wants to reconcile (but is not good at being direct, or afraid of being more direct) tries to get his foot in the door, and many women might not know what that looks like. I would be very interested if you ever wrote an article on that subject.

1. 

   Blindsided

   October 4, 2015 at 6:17 am

   Ohhh! I somehow was not expecting you to encourage a meeting. That’ll be scary and probably very emotionally charged for me, but maybe it’s now or never. *deep breaths* Widdde….. opennn…. spaces………. Thanks, Chris. xD <3

2. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 6, 2015 at 4:06 am

   Haha that just made me laugh!

3. 

   Blindsided

   September 30, 2015 at 3:38 pm

   Are you back in action? Congratulations on your daughter, by the way! I imagine your hands have been tied and you have not been getting any sleep, so I didn’t want to ask about anything new unless I saw you back here of your own accord. hahah

   Gosh, you have a new post here about “what if he doesn’t respond after NC”, but my problem is that he’s sent me nothing other than ambiguous “I miss you”‘s, and once NC ended I couldn’t ease my way into a pleasant texting interaction because all of a sudden he’s wanted to meet in person and is acting irritated and standoffish because that’s too big a leap for me. I mean, out of nowhere, he wanted me to meet him on the same day because “he has things he needs to get off his chest”, but when I asked if he could share what was on his mind through text, he blew me off and said “well I’m sure there isn’t a point anymore.”

   During that time, I was thinking of something to say to make him open up, but then a while later he asked if we could hang out as if that had never happened, and as if I would say no the first time, but yes the second? I didn’t respond because it’s kind of… weirding me out. I’m kind of afraid maybe he’s… trolling or toying with me because he’s upset. How would you say is the best way to handle this type of behavior? Should I just skip over the texting & phonecalls, and agree to see him, or would you say that it is indeed rather sketchy that he won’t convey any of it through messages?

   As always, I appreciate your time, Chris. Take care,
   -J

4. 

   Chris Seiter

   October 1, 2015 at 5:53 pm

   Thanks for the congratulations.

   I am back in action sorry for the wait.

   Now this is an interesting question. He wants to advance things too fast for you. He was definitely offended by being rejected but I would say that, that’s not a bad thing. In fact, I would say that it’s good in the fact that it puts him in a position where he has to chase.

   This is going to sound weird but I would agree to hang out with him and then cancel at the last minute and reschedule. Let’s make him jump through some hoops for you. If he still wants to see you on the rescheduled outing then I would say you can go.

5. 

   Chris Seiter

   September 2, 2015 at 2:53 am

   Even though you are getting the right type of text messages you want I still wouldn’t break it.

   I definitely think the only time is if your ex specifically talks to you about wanting to get back together.