The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0) - Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,166 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

Janise

April 10, 2018 at 9:58 pm

Dang it! I was attempting NC then I received a text from him … “seriously, stop leaving notes for me, stop acting like an f*ing stalker”. I too quickly responded, “Dude, those were from before you flipped switches on me” not too bad, but then the female defect of needing to say more took over and I followed with “no matter how ugly you are to me, I still want you to be happy” … smh.
He apparently wants to be with her now, right under my nose, no fights for over a year then he met her and boom…Now, don’t get me wrong, the cheating thing and is not acceptable but I can’t just stop my heart so I am still in love and want him back, but secretly I’m hoping that he may be influenced to want me back as I will end up not wanting him.

I am back to trying NC and this time I want it to stick. Geez!

Chris Seiter

April 10, 2018 at 10:29 pm

Proud of you Janise. Way to stick up for yourself. Make it stick. So going forward here is what I think you should do! First, take a look at a more comprehensive resource I created called, Ex Recovery Pro. It can be found on my website’s Menu Section under “Products”. It’s full of ideas. Secondly, don’t let this get you down too much. Don’t give up the fight! If it doesn’t work out, he doesn’t deserve you. Remember that!
Januse

April 10, 2018 at 10:46 pm

Thank you. I will look into the resources you mentioned. I know this makes it sound even more of an unworthy relationship but he actually said he hates me and wished me dead in a fit, stating he wants to be with this girl only a day after telling me all good stuff about us, so I never expected to get a text about anything. If I were as upset as he is claiming to be, I would not reach out even after finding notes … btw, he’s going to be finding more sweet notes at some point lol

My head knows the reality, I’m just taking the “ get him back” path of nc to give my heart a chance to detox. Knowing better than to stay but feeling the desire to is not an easy thing.
Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 3:10 am

Hi Januse. The “No Contact Rule Book” has a huge section of detoxing and dealing with the pain of a breakup and how to turn the corner. So pay special attention to that resource. What he said to you is an awful, awful abusive thing for anyone to say that to any other human being.

Kaylee

April 6, 2018 at 2:55 pm

On the day my ex ended it after a four year relationship,I didn’t react to his msg he just said out of the blue I can’t do this anymore, he was suffering from depression because he became redundant from his job and also there was a death in the family,so I replied okay because I felt he needed the space, I did let him know I’d be here if he needs me,and I’m quite aware he likes to go into his cave to sort through his problems while I get on with looking after me,as he has in the past,so I went into no contact as we had not fallen out I only did the 21 days he didn’t contact me either ,and then I contacted which was a positive message (and yes I followed your texting guide) he did not reply, and then strangely enough he texted me on day 45!!but just saying he not changed his mind, and that the relationship was over, it was a pretty long msg though and at the end finished with I apologise if I have hurt you but move on I have nothing to offer you,unfortunately I was sarcastic back which I regret,but I kept it short,I’ve not contacted since I feel It will be rejected,I’ve left it at that,but I do want him back but it’s now nearly 60 days since the first break up text from him.I feel like I should give up all hope because I don’t know what to say to make it right because there wasn’t anything I did for him to walk away.three weeks before we broke up he was telling me he couldn’t live without me,and here he is proving to himself he can.i am trying to focus on me and distract myself as much as I can rather than get as down as I was in the first couple of weeks.Do you think I should just except he doesn’t want me and stop trying even though I want him back and miss him terribly,I haven’t pursued him as I feel he maybe grieving for the loss of his uncle,I have heard he has a new job and he has been out a lot socialising, A mutual friend has also said he’s been getting pretty close to another girl which hurts like hell. Have I lost him for good ?

Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 3:06 am

I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. How do you know he hasn’t changed his mind after he texted you back? You should not be talking about getting back together or any relationship stuff for a while. Try texting him again since it’s been a while. Make sure your text is about him and his interest not your interests. I find that exes generally respond to things they are interested in. I dont think you’ve lost him for good.
Kaylee

April 7, 2018 at 2:27 pm

His text wasn’t even really a response to my text that I sent on day 21 and it was funny and was about something he’s interested in,I actually convinced myself he was doing his own no contact with not hearing from him till day 45 but it was actually just a long msg about how we’re over and how I should forget about us,I never brought up the relationship in my text,if he was doing his own no contact he probably wouldn’t have either,so maybe a coincidence,i didn’t respond straight away it was like 24hrs later but I responded quite sarcastic,to be honest I don’t know if it’s how I read it but I didn’t feel convinced,let’s say the msg itself was like he was trying to convince himself not me,because it was repetitive saying the same thing but in different ways.
I was thinking of waiting till day 60 which is in a couple of days he might feel a bit angry after my sarcastic response,I do feel like a fool if I chase him he is very proud and stubborn and once he’s said something he doesn’t back down,in fact if I go against his wishes I think he will see it as disrespect.He blocked me on everything on day one,all social media and messaging sites and we hardly communicated through them anyway?? But I do think I should leave it a while like you said,he has a massive ego and to be fare we never went a day without communication and he’d initiate it,one day of silence would drive him mad so I don’t know how he’s managed to keep it up.like I say I think maybe because of family situations and some life changes he’s had no choice but it hurts he’s not letting me in.Thankyou very much for your response.
Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 7:38 pm

Your very welcome. Yes, don’t go past 66 days no contact. If he responds negatively again say this “I’m not trying to get back with you or anything.” Then go back into no contact for 30 days and try one more time.
Kaylee

April 10, 2018 at 11:35 pm

I sent it ,no response I even left a and guess what happened next at the end but I think he might have see it as a trick to get him to ask what?
So if I don’t get a response do I see that as a negative response? do I now just go back into no contact and just keep on working on me? I’m so tired the day after the message was the day we met which he never forgets I didn’t hear from him I felt really down all day.ok so it’s been like 48hrs but I really doubt he’s going to contact me after he’s been so stubborn and only msged once in 62 days. Where as he’s had three msgs now from me but going from day one I msg day 21 he msged day 45 I msged day 46 and day 60… I think I’m the last person on his mind right now.
Kaylee

April 14, 2018 at 7:20 pm

Still haven’t heard and I’m okay back in no contact but what does it mean if they are kinda acting competitive? and for example if I do something it seems he’s doing the same thing for example (I didn’t btw) but say I went skydiving last week he’d be going this week if he finds out I’ve made plans to do something he will either try and do it before me or do it after I have even if it’s visiting a place.This has happened a few times one of the plans I have this year he’s also doing yet it’s one of my interests not his.
Chris Seiter

April 18, 2018 at 4:48 am

Hi Kaylee….funny! He is mirroring you. Good sign. Just follow the blueprint in my ebook!

JoAnn Moreno

March 25, 2018 at 10:33 pm

My bf ignored me on St. Patrick’s Day, I got mad but instead of getting upset about it I got dolled up and went out. I was looking good and feeling good so I posted selfies on snapchat. The next day he messaged me and asked if I had fun, I ignored him because I was still annoyed that he ignored me. He then texted, “OK, make it weird then.” I answered a few hours later and said, “You’re making it weird. You ignore me then hit me up when you feel like it.” Then I said, “By the way, I had a lot of fun, hope you had fun too.” Next morning he blocked me on snapchat and Facebook (which I use a lot) so I messaged him asking what’s going on on IG and he blocked me there too! I then messaged him on a second fb profile later in the evening (he surprisingly didn’t block me) and I asked him why he is being like this and he said he is just reacting off of me, that me trying make him jealous was the worst thing I could have done. I told him that I wasn’t trying to make him jealous and that I genuinely went out to have fun. He then said that he wasn’t mad anymore and that we are good… That was last Thursday. I tried to ask him what he was up to later that evening but he read my message and ignored me. I deactivated that fb and messenger completely and started the NCR on Friday, it’s only been 3 days but so far so good.

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 1:21 am

I am glad it seems to be going so well.

I’d just like to warn you that from what I see a lot of women who try the no contact rule go through this insane pendulum swing of feeling good to feeling bad and then back to good. Just understand that it is a part of the process.

Toriann Manning

March 23, 2018 at 9:58 pm

OK I’ve been doing the non contact rule for 21 days now…well 5 days ago I received a text from my ex saying ” If u are going to keep doing the ex bashing, at least keep it to your friends Smh anyway my mom had a heart attack last week, but she made it to the hospital. She just got to go home today. She is ok”….I do not talk badly about him in anyway nor do follow him on any social sites but I’m guess he is snooping on mine and thinks anything u post is about him. Anywho I didn’t reply back to him but did just text his mom and said ” I hope you have a quick and fast recovery. ” she said that you and that was it I didn’t say anything else to him nor her…but since then I will admit I’ve looked at his Facebook and he’s been posting song lyrics that suggest he to hurt and scorn by me to want me back a s should move on… not only that he keeps deactivating then reactivating it every other day…. have I lost him or is this him acting out?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2018 at 6:42 pm

Hi Toriann,

When and why did you break up and how long was your relationship?
Toriann Manning

April 3, 2018 at 2:28 am

We broke up in January feel off the no contact and started talking to him again but started back up and since then I haven’t talked to him in 32 days. We broke up because we found out he had a baby and it was to much for both us to handle…ee have been dealing with each other for 8 years
ToriAnn R Manning

April 4, 2018 at 9:08 am

On top of that I did my first text and he strung it along I text him he texted back I texted him again and he didn’t reply till the the next day @ 1:30 am what do I do? Whats going in in his head
Chris Seiter

April 5, 2018 at 11:00 pm

What was the text?

Was it about him or you?

I notice on our FB group the error is a lot of women are sending texts about things they are interested in and not what their exes are interested in hearing about.

Stephanie

March 19, 2018 at 4:48 am

Well this is very interesting I broke up with him that being said I think I was just becoming a booty call toward the end , I had a gutt feeling to end it now I feel sick and sad
Katie

March 18, 2018 at 1:50 am

So my ex broke up with me a month ago. Claimed I was too clingy. But he never wanted to hang out or text. He was getting distant. I did all the wrong things, begging, pleading. He told me he was thinking about getting back with me but was hesitating. This went on for two weeks. Then I finally said I want to work things out with you and get back together and see where things can go with us and asked him where he was at because I feel like he’s just stringing me along. he finally said he’s wrapped up in family things with his kids. And he’s thought about how important I am to him. However, he hasn’t put much thought into getting us back to where we were. He has to focus on his kids right now. So I said back to him (this was all via text) I think it’s best that at this point that you only contact me if something changes and we want the same things. I haven’t heard from him since and it’s been several days now. So I guess we’re in no contact? What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2018 at 6:09 pm

Hi Katie,
No contact means no initiating, no replying and no social media stalking. That means if he contacts you you’re not going to reply because if you do the nc period is broken. For me, you should move on but if you don’t want to, stick to at least 30 days nc period before slowly rebuilding rapport.

Judy Molina

March 16, 2018 at 3:25 am

I started the no contact rule for 30 days . It’s been 32 and I never reached out because I didn’t know if I wanted to anymore I was still hurt . He reached out to me via text though asked me how I was doing I’m scared to respond , I still love him but I don’t know if it’s worth it and or how to respond help !

Janise Molina

April 10, 2018 at 10:14 pm

HI Judy, I am also a J Molina, thought that was interesting especially since your results are what I’m hoping for. I still love him and want him back or at least want him to want me on some level because of my feelings right now but my head says hopefully NC will free me. Stay strong and do what feels good, good luck to you!
Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 3:11 am

Well said Janise. NC has freed many a person.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2018 at 3:43 pm

Hi Judy,

Just be casual. Are you actively improving yourself?

Mae

March 13, 2018 at 9:02 pm

After the no contact period and you’re trying to take control of the conversation while texting… what if he asks, “Do you not want to talk to me?” Or even, “Do you not care about me anymore?”

I think these questions are more to aleviate personal insecurities rather than because they specifically want to return to the relationship. How should I respond?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2018 at 2:21 pm

If you ended the conversation properly like, “gotta run to work.” He probably wouldn’t ask that. If he still asks, just say what you just did.. Makes you look like you’re busy and not avoiding him.

Randi

March 6, 2018 at 8:18 pm

Hello,

My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years, in a seemingly perfect relationship and all of a sudden he broke up with me out of the blue about a month ago. I was shocked, but I respected that he said he need time & space to be alone, and figure out what he wanted out of his life. He admitted that he had entered our relationship only 2-3 weeks after breaking up with his ex and they had had a 5 year relationship so he was worried he got into the relationship for the wrong reasons and was having doubts about whether his feelings were genuine. We met up a week later to exchange belongings. After that, he reached out to me to say happy birthday a week later, and then again to ask me about the new job I had got a week after that. Fast forward two weeks to his birthday yesterday and I wished him a happy birthday. So – it’s been a month, but we certainly haven’t adhered to the NC rule very well even though our texts were brief. Do I need to start again today? or does the time put in already count at all?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2018 at 6:45 pm

Hi Randi,
Yes you need to restart and do 30 days because you contacted each other weekly and you have to be active in improving yourself and in posting.

Luna

March 4, 2018 at 3:42 pm

Hi! I’m on day 16 of NC and my ex’s mom texted me. She and I were very close during my 4 year relationship with her son. What should I do? Should I answer her?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2018 at 4:14 pm

Hi Luna,

What did she text you? Use it to your advantage..dont start conversations about her son.. You can tell her about what you’ve been doing but it’s better not to continue talking to her because your ex will think your trying to get her to help you get him back..

Jasmijn

February 25, 2018 at 7:56 am

Hi!

Sorry I keep posting the same message but I really need an opinion!

My name is Jasmijn and I am 21 years old. About a month ago my boyfriend said he needed a break. Since then we slept together twice. Before we slept together I asked him if he wasn’t going to change his mind about is getting back together; he said no. Then the next day he wasn’t sure anymore. This happened one more time. Now we have been broken up for a week. We are housemates but I am moving out next week. In the beginning I tried talking to him a lot but I noticed it only pushed him further away (he didn’t want to talk about it he said). So last week I tried having minimal contact and when we do have contact be happy and a little flirty (casually toucing him and stuff). My next move will be to move out in a week and go cold turkey on him for a month. His birthday and mine as well are in that time frame so he will have to notice me not speaking to him.
I have been extra nice and flirty the last few days so that when I move out and go for No Contact there will be a clear difference.

The day he said he wanted a break (up) I cried and told him this is not what I wanted and that we could work on it together. He told me he just doesn’t know what to do anymore with school and spending time with his friends and with me and it just became too much for him. He feels like he is shrinking instead of growing as a person. Truth be told we have been very emerged in each other since we have been living together from the start in this studenthousing but in My opinion giving each other more space would just solve the problem. My ex has ADD and depression so ofcourse he doesn’t see it that way.

Honestly ever since we kinda broke up I have had the feeling he will come back if I go no contact on him or that we will get back together and start a new relationship if I follow Chris’ steps.
What do you think about this situation?

Can you do the minimal contact that I am doing now and then no contact and count those as 30 days or should I go 30 days from the moment I move out?

Thanks in advance!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 12:14 pm

Hi Jasmijn,

Staying in contact is worse.. Do nc for yourself, not for him and don’t sleep with him again. check this one:
How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him

???

February 24, 2018 at 9:19 pm

I love coming to this website and reading the articles when I’m feeling down and missing my ex but I’m curious to know, how do we know when it’s to late to try NC ? How do we know forsure when the realationship is over and it’s time to move on ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 11:37 am

It’s a case to case basis. I can’t say what worked or didn’t for another girl, will work for you too.

Kylie

February 18, 2018 at 2:47 pm

Hi, I was recently broken up with via text message after a 2 yr relationship. I never replied to the break up text and it’s been 4 days, is this the right thing to do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2018 at 11:13 am

Hi Kylie,

if you’re doing the nc rule, yes.

Luna

February 17, 2018 at 3:35 am

Hi! What can I do if he doesn’t contact me in the NC time?
Lauren

February 15, 2018 at 1:45 pm

Hi again

Sorry to keep messaging, he messaged asking how our baby is, should I reply or leave it?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2018 at 11:51 pm

that’s ok as long as you only talk to him about your baby.

Lauren

February 15, 2018 at 1:35 pm

Hi
He’s messaged asking how our baby is, should I message back or leave it? X
Lauren

February 15, 2018 at 1:29 pm

Hi again

He’s messaged me asking how our baby is can I message back or shall I leave it?
Hmmm

February 10, 2018 at 3:10 pm

Hi, during no contact can I post a pic of when my ex and I were out together but he is cropped out? Or can I post a pic of when we were on vacation or out on a date but he isn’t in the pic at all? Day 10 no contact

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2018 at 12:55 pm

it would be better to post new pics of a better you..

E

February 10, 2018 at 12:47 pm

Hey Amor thanks for your answer.
Yes we are texting again after 31 days of no contact. He wanted to meet up immediately, going to the zoo together. He also said he still doesn’t know for sure if he wants to get back together. I declined the meet-up for at least the coming month. I told him it would be too soon for me and that I’m really busy this month. That maybe we should start by just texting and calling. Should I initiate no contact again? for another month?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2018 at 12:52 pm

why did he say that he’s not sure that he wants to get back together? You don’t have to do nc, just start rebuilding rapport.

Vero

February 9, 2018 at 8:11 pm

Are the amount of days with NC the same, if you have limited contact and go to school together?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2018 at 11:40 pm

Hi Vero,

Approach nc like this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

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1,166 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”