The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0) - Ex Boyfriend Recovery

1,165 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

Roche

August 16, 2017 at 3:38 pm

My ex and I broke up last month, pretty big fight, we were together for 1 and a half years.

I didn’t speak to him for two weeks, we then had a discussion where he agreed to work on his issues and said that he loves me, misses me, wants me in his life and that it is my choice.
He then became distant, so I asked what’s going on, to which he said that he feels really bad about hurting me and that he is scared to try again because he doesn’t want to hurt me again and that is why he is not trying again. (Complete 180 on our last discussion.

I’ve seen him a few times since, during which he told me he still loves me and that he isn’t over me yet. Last time I saw him was on Monday evening. I was in an accident this weekend and while in hospital, learned that I was 8 weeks pregnant and that I’d started having a miscarriage due to the shock from the accident.

I told him about this on Monday night. He was shocked and said that he needed to think about what I’d just told him and would talk to me once he figures out how to feel. We’re both still relatively young (25 and 26), and didn’t exactly plan on getting pregnant, so I can understand that he might be confused as to how he feels about this. But planned or not, I’m devastated by it, and can honestly not see why he would be so nonchalant about it..

I found this website a few days ago and would like to try your strategy, but I’m not sure how to apply it. Firstly, we broke up a month ago now. To start NC now, would put me very close to the 66days mentioned by Chris. I did ignore him for 2 weeks though before we had the initial conversation, so if I were to continue and use the “broken, extended” NC Chris mentions in his other article, that gives me roughly 17 days of NC to do still.

This morning I texted him to tell him that I’m going in for my first checkup, and asked him why he changed his mind after our first conversation post breakup. He basically replied that we’d already had that discussion, that I mustn’t ask something 100 times (I honestly didn’t ask that before), and that he feels worse when I ask that and proceeded to say good luck with the appointment. I replied and said that no, we did not have the discussion, he never told me why he’d changed his mind, and thank you for wishing me good luck. I was left on read. (Yay me, lol).

Should I do complete NC or proceed to do extended NC (starting from the 2 weeks I ignored him previously) ? I’m a little conflicted on complete NC, since I honestly do not know if he will try to talk to me about the miscarriage. Also, he knows I did ignore him on purpose before (before having found your site), will this make a difference?

Help, please…

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 17, 2017 at 3:26 pm

Hi Roche
Start the count of 30 days of nc after reading this

Laurie

August 13, 2017 at 6:36 pm

My ex ended things and I went into no contact 30 days ago today. He reached out to me once three weeks in to via text to wish me a happy birthday. But all he said was “happy birthday!” I responded with just “thanks.” He didn’t reach out again after that and neither did I. And now it’s been a month. Do I reach out now? Or do I need to restart no contact because I responded to his text and stay in no contact an additional few weeks?

Laurie

August 13, 2017 at 8:44 pm

Yes improving stuff but I’m not over the breakup. I still want him back. I’ve been posting but my ex is not on social media.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 14, 2017 at 8:20 pm

The purpose of nc is for you to heal, improve and be more rational and to continue doing that after nc while slowly building rapport.. The purpose of posting during and after nc is for you to indirectly show that you’re moving on and improving.. If he’s not in social media or you’re blocked that means you need to make your publick so that if he gets curious during or after your nc, he will see them.. If you didn’t that, restart nc..
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2017 at 7:44 pm

How active were you in improving yourself and in posting?

pooja

August 8, 2017 at 8:16 pm

Hi!
Thank you so much for your website and podcasts.. they’ve been helping me recover from the pain my ex has put me through. He’s a great guy and also a good person by heart. I do not hate him and I know that I emotionally pushed him to a level wherein he decided “enough is enough” and dumped me. I constantly fought with him and complained about many things. We are in a long distance relationship and he dumped me on my birthday (that was pretty messed up). He said he’s confused and not sure that he loves me. I wanted to do the no contact so badly but i broke it off everytime he messaged or called. This happened 5-6 times but I’m damn sure I’m going to do the no contact properly now. Will it still work? He messaged me last week seeing my snapstory (quote that says “if someone doesn’t value you, they need to lose you”) saying “I’m sorry i’m making you feel this bad”. That was his last message and it’s been a week since then. He hasn’t called or texted me. Please let me know what’s the correct approach to follow. Background information about us:- we’ve been together for five years (typical high school sweethearts and we’re both 23 now). We’ve fought multiple times and I have been pretty immature and dumped him a couple of times knowing at the back of my mind that I’ll be back with him again. This time he broke things off and is pretty stubborn with his decision, saying he’s confused.. he’s not sure what to do and he cannot make the efforts in our relationship. Please help me. It’s been almost two months since this happened.

Pooja

August 14, 2017 at 3:05 am

Hi Amor,

I’ve become active with the social media posts and I’m following the no contact rule correctly. His only message was “I’m sorry I’m making u feel this bad” and after that he hasn’t messaged or called at all. Should I keep hopes or should I just ‘Move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 14, 2017 at 8:30 pm

Finish thr nc process and the steps after that..if it doesn’t work, move ob..
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 3:44 pm

Hi Pooja,

Only you can help yourself. No matter what we say, if you don’t start being active in starting a new life and routine, nothing will change in your life.

Jellyhearts

August 8, 2017 at 2:11 pm

Hi, my boyfriend of 6 months and I broke up almost 2 weeks ago, we’ve had no contact since. He’s a pessimist and a defeatist and has said that he does not want a relationship with anyone ever again, I think this was said out of anger because he had to balance many commitments i.e. work and school, and is feeling frustrated that he isn’t able to meet what he thinks are my expectations and needs. I also think breaking up was said out of anger but I cannot be sure. After reflecting, I feel like the two of us could work it out if we’re able to communicate better and that I am more patient and accepting of his flaws. I’m implementing the no contact rule but I’m worried that after no contact and slowly building rapport and becoming good friends again, he’ll still be resistant to getting back together because he’s such a pessimist and defeatist. I’m not sure that we even stand a fighting chance of getting through this.

Jellyhearts

September 1, 2017 at 2:14 pm

He reached out to me halfway through no contact to explain to me why he felt the relationship did not work out and to tell me to move on. I’ve been on no contact for 15 days now. However, our mutual friend has been talking to the both of us. This friend told me that my ex was feeling quite stressed about the fact that I wasn’t moving on. He has said all he had to say 15 days ago when he called and he is basically done with the relationship. After reading the How to Get Your Ex Back 2.0, I conveyed a message to him through our mutual friend about respecting what he wants. Do I restart No Contact again or do I continue for another 15 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 3, 2017 at 8:05 pm

Yup, because in the first 15 days your friend was talking to him..
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017 at 3:20 pm

no contact is not for changing the other person’s mind.. It’s for you. To heal, improve and be rational.

Mel

July 14, 2017 at 11:51 am

Hi, I would like an opinion as I am not sure if the nc rule will help in my situation. I was seeing a guy for 7 months from Jan to Aug 2016 then he said that we were nothing and wanted some space. I begged him all the crazy stuff and told him I loved him and web nc for just 11 days ..after that he was happy to hear back from me but again I went into desperate mode again because I was frustrated that he would not love me back. Again we started to talk and decided to go skiing together as friends..it has always bean like this I chase to connect with me he responds whenever he fancies..he says he bought me a gift and some cakes for my birthday this year in April but never organised anything to meet with me. I think he just want a sort of friendship and not even because real friends meet each other. I keep showing my nediness and frustration to him wanting more. He knows I want more and he distances himself from me. He told me a week ago that I scare him after I called him multiple times and texted asking to meet up. He is not really my ex but I don’t know how to call him ..an ex friend .? I would like to reconnect with him and attract him back because I know I came off needy and longing and I started nc about 9 days ago. What should I do? Will this work on him knowing he is not interested in a romantic way with me? Do I have any chance of making him forget the old needy me and move forward as close friends or even be back together? I am working on self love because I know I was not attractive to him and to myself also. Please can you advise if the nc would work in this case or I just have to move on and that’s it? Thank you! Pleaae reply back I really need help

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 7:23 pm

It’s not a guarantee that nc will work but try it first..if it doesn’t work then move on…

Sal

July 13, 2017 at 7:23 pm

Hi,

I was wondering if NC works the second time….
My ex and I broke up once before 10 months ago, for about 6 weeks, and i tried the 30 NC rule and it worked (obviously, since we got back together) but now that we ended things again, I wonder if the same method will work again??
We broke up this time around because we would fight for a few days but then have a really great time the rest of the week, and this cycle has been happening for the past few weeks. We are eachothers’ first big love (talked about moving in soon and marriage etc), and we still love each other very much. The past 2+ years had alot of ups and downs, but I still want him back.. Do I have a second shot?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 6:51 pm

It’s not a guarantee but you can still try it.. And check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

Canna

July 4, 2017 at 8:15 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago. I’ve tried the NC for a few days before, but eventually it wouldn’t last. The thing is my ex is my best friend (only friend also) and we work together, he also still keeps the key to my apartment (we used to live together). So, we see each other often because of work. Throughout the 4 months, we have hung out, texted, flirted and etc, but we haven’t gotten back together yet 🙁 He says that he doesn’t want a relationship at all, but I feel that he does have feelings for me still because of his actions towards me. I’ve been clingy, told him my feelings, I’ve told him plenty of times that’s i want to get back together and I’ve been needy and I have been a shadow at work (When he leaves a room, I try to keep him in the room but talking just to talk or I’ll follow him around). Today at work, was another one of those days when I was being extra clingy and needy. I wanted to try to start the NC for 30 days, but since we work together I was just going to keep conversations short and simple at work if he initiates conversation with me.

Do you feel that it’s possible the NC will work with him? I do worry for all of the reasons that are probably common, fear of him forgetting me and moving onto another girl (even thought he said he isn’t interested in anyone). I downloaded a habit app to track my NC with him. Any advice would be helpful.

(Btw, we had a great relationship, no cheating or arguing, but he did break up with me)

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2017 at 5:42 pm

Hi Canna,

Check this one:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

Sara

July 3, 2017 at 2:09 am

Should I worry if he doesn’t text me in the no contact?

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2017 at 1:32 pm

the solution to all your worries is to be active in your life…be active in improving yourself and in posting..you need to do that because that’s your indirect way of showing that you’re improving and have your own life and that you’re not going to chase

Mary

June 27, 2017 at 1:06 pm

hello, my name is Maria and I have a question.

I’m doing a 45 days NC rule on my ex boyfriend. So the days didn’t finish yet and yesterday he texted me saying something but I really you know couldn’t open the message it was like a simple joke or whatever it was written ” hey stranger god damn.. ” and something ( I couldn’t see the message cause if I did, it will show the message to
Him as ” seen ” so I just looked at the message without entering the chat.

So after a day ( today ) he deleted the message for some reason.. is it a good sign? Maybe because he saw that I didn’t answer or see the Message he deleted it.
So is it a good sign? Is the no -contact thing working?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2017 at 4:18 pm

It’s hard to say just from that but it can be a good sign because he still cared to delete it since you didn’t look at it

Brittany

June 26, 2017 at 9:24 pm

I have purchased the No Contact rule book and have read many blogs in this site. I have not seen any posts that address the issue: what if he sleeps with someone else during no contact?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2017 at 6:06 am

You don’t have to do anything about that.. That’s out of your control.. Focus in yourself and how you would build rapport

Brittany

June 25, 2017 at 2:32 pm

I am in the process of no contact with my ex. I unfortunately ran into him in public and things seemed okay. He has called and text a few times since then but then this morning he said he was only seeing if I wanted my things back. I haven’t responded.
Jennifer

June 13, 2017 at 1:24 pm

Okay so this is a long one. Me and my ex dated for 3.5 years. He broke up with me June 2016 and we got back togetherand just broke up again (mutual) in January 2017. We never really gave each other the space that is needed. We hung out until May and then we both said we couldn’t do this anymore. He said a couple of 1 liners to me sine we really ended things in May. Like don’t shut me out down the line. And I never did no contact with him. I never ignored him. I know he knows that he could get me back whenever he wants. And I had the power for a little and just kept giving it right back to him. I feel so disgusted that I made so many mistakes. I don’t know where to really go from here. I know I need to move on but at the same time I still want him back. He said he is and fraud to lose me but in a way that he would want a friendship from me because I’m a great person. He said if 2 people are meant to be together it doesn’t matter how much time they are apart. I know I ruined every chance I had. What advice can you give me?

Jennifer

June 14, 2017 at 4:00 pm

You’re right. I have to stick to no contact. Everytime I did it I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by ignoring him so i kept answering him. I never put my feelings in perspective. I wish I would’ve ignored him so he knows what it’s like to really lose me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 14, 2017 at 3:22 pm

you know the answer.. the question is are you going to stick to it? the more you do nc, the less it can help you.. so either you stick to 45 days or move on

Eliza

May 28, 2017 at 4:57 am

Hey.

Considering he’s my best friend, wouldn’t it be best if I told him about putting distance between us so I can sort myself out? I can’t just abruptly cut all ties off since he goes to the same school as I do and I’ll be seeing him everyday and I’d like to avoid confrontation since I am still quite hurt from the breakup. What’s the best move from your opinion?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 29, 2017 at 6:54 pm

does he know you have feelings for him?

Brooke

May 25, 2017 at 3:19 am

Hi,

I had a boyfriend for almost 7years. He’s a good guy (aside from the fact that he’s a bit over-confident with himself and always seeks attention). We rarely got into a big fight or a break-up. It’s just that recently that he decided to broke up with me because he said he’s already been selfish and unfair because he cheated with me for the past 4 months with a random girl within their office which she just finds to be something new, they had something in common and easily get along with that’s why he get stuck with cheating and lying to me for the past 4months. We broke up last 2months ago and he’s asking and begging for another chance. I am just not sure if he’ll still worthy of that second chance or if I need to do this no contact rule before that chance. It’s just really hard right now to trust him again and give in to that second chance. I have so many worries already inside my head.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2017 at 2:10 pm

did you keep talking in those two months? why not talk to him about your concerns and what you expect him to do if he wants you back?

Mirella

May 21, 2017 at 10:17 pm

My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago. He said it was because he wasn’t able to maintain intimacy any longer, I think its because he has erectyle disfunction and that made him become more “away” (it has lasted for over a year). Apart from sex things were good, no fights or so, but I think that was heavy on him. He cried a lot during the breakup.

The next two weeks we texted each other, I started it some days but in others he was the one to start it, sometimes cute things like “Good morning, have you slept well?”. at the end of the first week i asked him if he was sure about the breakup becuse all of his cuteness was making me confused, and he said he was sure about it but he kept texting me.

By the end of the second week, I asked that he stopped texting me because i needed some time. 5 days later I texted him asking work stuff and he replied. The next day he texted me and we chatted but i kind if “cooled off” because it was making me nervous to talk to him (I was still a little bit confused).

By the end of the forth week it was my birthday and he texted me congratulations. And that was it about texting.

we are now at the end of the fith week. we still see each other at work. I love him very much and want him back, but I think he needs some time to look at his ED and admit he needs help.

Is it too late to start NC or other tactics you guys recomend? Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 23, 2017 at 6:33 pm

it’s not yet too late.. check this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

B

May 9, 2017 at 2:38 am

Is it too late for me to start the NC rule? We broke up 11 days ago after 2.5 years together, initially talking a lot via text but less and less since then, with a few days of no contact. The break up was caused by a big fight that we had which caused him to suddenly realise that he was unhappy with the relationship and felt like he couldn’t give me what I want, so he broke it off. He is stubborn and sticking to his decision. Yesterday, he came to drop some things to me and we spent about a minute before I said thanks/bye and went back inside my house. It was pleasant enough but awkward. I need his help over the next week or 2 in regards to med school applications (he is helping me write an application to the school he got accepted to), which makes NC a bit tricky. I need advice 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 11, 2017 at 4:59 pm

nope, it’s not yet too late

Jadyn

May 6, 2017 at 12:06 am

I spoke to my ex about the dog, he said I could see him. He ended up asking how i’ve been and I answered truthfully. From there he went into saying how because of our history we can only be friends and thats the best he can do. I told him back that I accept that we broke up and I understand his feelings. I apologized for my part of the pain that was caused to both and said “I don’t agree that the break up was necessarily right but I understand and accept it and that I am doing good.” I faltered abit. Did I say too much? Do I need to restart No Contact?

Jadyn

May 11, 2017 at 10:32 pm

i did reply unfortunately, and I have restarted no contact. I haven’t contacted him about the dog again either. I am thinking I will arrange another visit with my dog soon tho. I am so heartbroken that he moved on so quickly.
Jadyn

May 9, 2017 at 1:44 am

So he text messaged me last night, out of the blue and told me he is seeing somebody else. It hasn’t even been a month since we broke up. Now what do I do? I feel like its a grass is greener, rebound situation. Please help! His parents told me they are routing for me and are worried about him because he isint himself and is shutting them out of his life too. They think its cold feet. They told me not to give up… What do I do!?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 11, 2017 at 4:50 pm

I hope you didn’t reply to that
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 6, 2017 at 4:48 pm

that’s good that you can see the dog, but yes, you need to restart nc..

struggling

May 3, 2017 at 8:56 pm

hey, so i have finished no contact and have sent the first message already. One of the texts where something funny happened in my day and that it made me think of him for the first time in a while and i wished him well. But he responded really polite saying thank and he hoped all was well with me too. Should i continue to text him because it was kinda hard for me to come up with texts that would grab his attention and it looks like he’s uninterested.

struggling

May 4, 2017 at 10:37 pm

I have done NC for a month and a few days before I sent that message. During NC, i haven’t heard anything from him. For improvement, I worked out at least 4 times a week with a break in because of vacation which I posted but that was around 4 months after the break up. I also picked up some hobbies like learning to play a musical instrument and learning a language. However, with posting, I have only posted a few since the break up because a week after we broke up, I posted a picture of friend and me at a social event only later to find out that he unfollowed me after the post. I was only confused because I thought that being polite was not positive, since he didn’t sound excited or interested that I reached out, nor was it neutral because he handled maturely with a full response but with a normal tone. It didn’t seem negative neither because it looked like he put thought into it. Do you recommend any quick tips on texting because I was always bad at that, that he even said that our daily texts (good morning, afternoon, night) was an annoyance to him? That’s why I was nervous doing this
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 5, 2017 at 4:30 pm

check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2017 at 2:49 pm

How long did you do no contact? How much did you improve and how active were you in posting? Why did you break up? It takes time to build rapport..check the link below for texts:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

struggling

May 3, 2017 at 8:55 pm

hi, so i have finished no contact and have sent the first message already. One of the texts where something funny happened in my day and that it made me think of him for the first time in a while and i wished him well. But he responded really polite saying thank and he hoped all was well with me too. Should i continue to text him because it was kinda hard for me to come up with texts that would grab his attention and it looks like he’s uninterested.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2017 at 2:50 pm

How long did you do no contact? How much did you improve and how active were you in posting? Why did you break up? It takes time to build rapport..check the link below for texts:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

BE

May 3, 2017 at 8:55 pm

hi, so i have finished no contact and have sent the first message already. One of the texts where something funny happened in my day and that it made me think of him for the first time in a while and i wished him well. But he responded really polite saying thank and he hoped all was well with me too. Should i continue to text him because it was kinda hard for me to come up with texts that would grab his attention and it looks like he’s uninterested.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2017 at 2:50 pm

How long did you do no contact? How much did you improve and how active were you in posting? Why did you break up? It takes time to build rapport..check the link below for texts:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

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1,165 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”