The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Mavis

March 26, 2018 at 7:20 am

My bf and I dated for a year. We were friends for 7 years before we started dating.

Last Xmas, I initiated a break up with him due to my insecurities. We got back together shortly after but with issues unresolved and he was hot and cold since then. A month ago, he told me that another gal was interested in him and asked him out. He said that he should go out with the girl to get to know her better. My initial thought was; since he was hot and cold, and now with another woman who wants to date him, then I’ll rather give up the relationship since he seems to lose interest in the relationship. So I initiated a break up. Those few days after I initiated the break up, we still texted like before. He said that he didn’t expect me to give up and not put up a fight. My anger got the better of me and I scolded him for his infidelity.

I am into my 2nd week of NC. I have not heard from him since. I know he has been following me on FB as he texted my child over something that I posted on FB.

I still have feelings for him but I’m not sure about him. He’s an egoistic man, he will not take the initiative to contact me since I was the one who initiated the break up and “hurt him a lot” – his words. At the same time, I have lost trust in him even though I would like to give it a try again.

What should I do?

It’s been a month and I’ve calmed myself over the break up and almost moving on with life.

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 1:29 am

I think at this point you just keep on keeping on with the no contact!

Lucille

March 25, 2018 at 11:05 pm

My ex broke up with me on Monday, told me he still loved me and always will but our relationship wasn’t healthy. Started no contact on Tuesday.
My grandma passed away yesterday and I want to tell him because he’s the only person I could talk to about it but I’m afraid to break no contact. Is this an exception?

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 1:22 am

I think I answered you a bit earlier and unfortunately this isn’t an exception. In fact, all it’ll do is potentially push him further away as you rely on him more emotionally.

Rachel

March 22, 2018 at 6:21 am

Hi, the guy I have been seeing for 4 months broke up with me. We were all good and we went for a short getaway. It seems good we had fun. He even cooked me lunch.
Once we got back i asked him why there was a lipstick n his car and he immediately got defensive and started saying ” i told you before we’re not together. He doesnt want a relationship. He doesnt see us going anywhere in future.
I said I wanted a commitment in the future, not right now. I texted him alittle asing if we were frnds with benefits but he refused to reply.

I dropped him a msg agreeing that if he wanted to stop, we will stop. I am so heartbroken. I never mentioned anything abt a relationship but he freaked out and said we should stop. Just as he was telling me we should breakup,he posted on facebook a sad love song ”a girl loves me but i cnt tell her how i feel”.

Im so sad and afraid that i would never see him again or date him. what should I do since he claims he doesnt want a relationship.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2018 at 5:14 pm

Hi Rachel,

If a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship but you’re sleeping with him, that means you’re friends with benefits.. I think he freaked out because you’re not officially together but and then you questioned him.. I’m not saying it’s wrong but for him it is..

Sarah

March 15, 2018 at 8:02 am

Together with b/f 2.5 years. Found out he’d been cheating for couple of months (just sex & sexting) with local pub owner. Confronted him, he denied. Confronted again with proof, he refused to talk & then pretended to be asleep on sofa. Then he acted like nothing had happened. Next day I left leaving note saying I needed space until he could be honest with me. Completed 30 days no contact (nothing from him during that). I sent text saying “a while since we spoke, thanks for respecting my space. How are you? Hope you had fun with the snow. Sx” as none of your templates applied to cheating idiots. He hasn’t responded. My phone is not blocked & he hasn’t unfriended me on FB (his usual with ex’s). Should I message again if so what?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2018 at 5:34 pm

Hi Sarah,

Have you checked this one:
He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?

Mulenga

March 14, 2018 at 9:53 pm

My ex and I were constantly arguing because he didn’t trust anything I said not that I did something to make him likethat. From the start, I was OK with that but going forward it was uncool as he wanted to know everything I do, I had to send pics as proof of what I’m doing at that moment, he was very insecure, he never wanted me to hang out with friends, or even go to the gym because my previous boyfriend worked out from there.
One time out of frustration I lied to him about going for a movie with friends but went for drinks with friends and when he found he was hurt, we broke up but got back again. Everytime we argued he would call me names, judge me wrongly etc.
We eventually broke because I didn’t tell him i was going to the gym and he found out, hence he felt I was lying to him constantly and doing things without him knowing, and he ended things as he felt I wasn’t good for him.
I miss him alot,im currently on the “no contact ” rule, should I keep on with it? Should I just move on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2018 at 3:56 pm

Hi Mulenga,

That means if you get back together, you’re now ok with him being insecure?

Pippa

March 9, 2018 at 9:35 pm

Has anyone got suggestions on how to word a text message to get my apartment keys back from my ex? I don’t know if I should suggest going over to his place as he hasn’t brought them back when he said he would on the day we broke up. Maybe I should get him to mail them back to me or pay for the postage myself? We live 40 miles apart so it’s not as simple as just calling in on the way home from work. He was recently in the area, literally a 5 minute drive away, but didn’t come round then, which would’ve been much simpler as he still has a bag of his own things to collect while I’m at work. I’m sick of waiting but I also don’t feel ready to speak to him yet, I’m 3 weeks into NC and found out last week that I’m getting made redundant from my current job at the end of the month and that’s an extra pressure I didn’t need.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 13, 2018 at 4:39 pm

Hi Pippa,
You’re almost finishing nc.. start building rapport first, once you’ve done that it’s easier to ask for the keys.. If you can’t build rapport, just ask kindly and straight to the point.

Ashley

March 4, 2018 at 8:59 am

Sorry for the repeated comments if there are, I don’t see the comment posted.
My boyfriend and I took a break 2 months ago, then broke up a month afterwards. Unfortunately, both of us didn’t follow the NC rule AT ALL and continued talking and going out. Exactly like how we used to be. I don’t know if the NC rule will still work out because now he’s still used to my presence but recently he told me that he doesn’t love me that much anymore, and that I was annoying him. I went over to his house to try and talk to him and got a negative response but insisted and went outside his door, forcing him to come out. I’m annoying him too much till the point where he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, almost blocked me and constantly talking about the relationship has stopped us from even being friends, although he’s still very used to my presence. How long should the NC be for? Also, the last message was just him telling me he was going to be outside in a minute. What should I say in the last message to apologize for being annoying / clingy / persistent and also an impactful one?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2018 at 12:05 pm

Hi Ashley,
tell him being friend is not working for you, apologize and then thank him for everything. Start the nc rule after that but don’t tell him about it. Do at least 30 days.

Ashley

March 4, 2018 at 8:53 am

My boyfriend and I took a break 2 months ago, then broke up a month afterwards. Unfortunately, both of us didn’t follow the NC rule AT ALL and continued talking and going out. Exactly like how we used to be. I don’t know if the NC rule will still work out because now he’s still used to my presence but recently he told me that he doesn’t love me that much anymore, and that I was annoying him. I went over to his house to try and talk to him and got a negative response but insisted and went outside his door, forcing him to come out. I’m annoying him too much till the point where he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, almost blocked me and constantly talking about the relationship has stopped us from even being friends, although he’s still very used to my presence. How long should the NC be for?
Boubou

March 2, 2018 at 10:53 am

My boyfriend broke up with me about a month and half earlier. he blocked me from social media as soon as he saw me happy. So I decided to do the no contact rule, he unblocked on Facebook 10 days later, but he didn’t talk to me. Now, the 30 days are done and he still didn’t reach out or unblocked me from other social media other than Facebook. What should I do now? Should I contact him ( I begged him after the breakup) ? Or go for 45 days of no contact ? Is there anything I can do to make him talk to me first?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2018 at 5:36 pm

Hi Boubou,

Did you continue posting even after he blocked you? How active are you in improving yourself?

Beba

February 28, 2018 at 10:38 pm

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago and I have been friends with him since but I still have feelings for him so 4 days ago I went into no contact (difficult because I work with him) I blocked his number and facebook messaging. and at work the other day he waved and said goodbye and I just stared at him and didn’t say a word. but I looked today to find that he had unfriended me on facebook and blocked my number. why did he do that? do I remain in no contact for the full 30 days

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2018 at 2:19 pm

Hi Beba,
Probably because he saw you did too.. Check this one too:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

Jasmijn

February 27, 2018 at 9:23 am

My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago by deciding to go on a break because he said he needed space and time to think. We were together for almost 7 months and everything was great until he sat me down and told me that. I tried giving him space (even though we live together in student housing). After a week we spoke again and he said he made a mistake and if we could just forget everything. He wanted sex and I said ok but only if he wasn’t going to change his mind again and he said he wouldn’t. The next day he told me he wasn’t sure anymore. A few days later the exact same thing happened.

I told him we should just break up for real and not date or anything in the meantime and he agreed wholeheartedly which broke my heart. He told me he is not having the same feelings for me he had in the beginning. Tune in to a few days ago when we had sex again a few times as in just sex (I knew what I was getting into). He spend the night in my room and in the morning we had sex again. Later that day (yesterday) he told me he wanted to wait with having sex again for a few days because it felt a lot like getting into another relationship again and he is saying that’s not what he wants (not with me or with anyone because he has adhd and depression and feels like he doesn’t have the space in his head/heart for it). I felt very rejected even though I acted like it didn’t matter to me.

Next monday I am moving out. Should I just implement NC now or start when I moved out. The way he is acting now it just feels like he won’t miss me at all if I go NC and he probably won’t text me since he isn’t a texter. But then again he is used to seeing me everyday since we live in the same house and me being gone is going to be a big difference for both of us. I want to take the time to work on myself and I need the NC period to do that. It just feels like he doesn’t care at all.

What is your take in all of this? I would love some more insight than just fragments of my imagination.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 12:14 pm

Hi Jasmijn,

Staying in contact is worse.. Do nc for yourself, not for him and don’t sleep with him again. check this one:
How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him

Ana58

February 25, 2018 at 3:44 pm

I am on day 45 of No Contact.
He has not reached out. I need to collect my belongings. Should I contact him?
Also, I did not tell him I was going NO contact. I just stopped responding his calls and text. Should I have sent a note saying I was going no contact?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 12:33 pm

Hi Ana58,
nope.. he shouldn’t know you’re doing nc.. how much did you improve yourself and how active are you in posting in social media?

Sara

February 22, 2018 at 4:54 pm

Hi Amor,
Sorry if I’m repeating my comment but I don’t see it being posted. I broke up with the guy I was talking to for two weeks after our first date. He kind of ghosted after our date so I thought I’ll leave him before he leaves me lol. Anyway, I want to get him back but I’m not sure if I should do 30 or 21 days NC. I mean since we didn’t see each other for that long, i feel 30 days might be a bit long and he might forget me by the time. What do you think? Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2018 at 4:27 pm

Hi Sara,

You can do just 21 days and then initiate contact after that.

Sara

February 22, 2018 at 4:24 pm

Hi Amor,
I broke up with the guy I was talking to for two weeks after our first date. He kind of ghosted after our date so I thought I’ll leave him before he leaves me lol. Anyway, I want to get him back but I’m not sure if I should do 30 or 21 days NC. I mean since we didn’t see each other for that long, i feel 30 days might be a bit long and he might forget me by the time. What do you think? Thank you!
Sara

February 22, 2018 at 4:02 pm

Hi amor,
I broke up with the guy I was talking to for two weeks after our first date. He kind of ghosted after our date so I thought I’ll leave him before he leaves me lol. Anyway, I want to get him back but I’m not sure if I should do 30 or 21 days NC. I mean since we didn’t see each other for that long, i feel 30 days might be a bit long and he might be completely over me. What do you think? Thank you!
Renae

February 17, 2018 at 8:03 pm

My boy friend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I started the NC rule but since then has texted me everyday. I usually do not reply or if I have to, reply with short sweet and classy comments. Last night when I was sleep he called for the first time and then texted “Hi, please call me”. I must admit I got worried this morning and of course I still have feelings for him. I know he probably wants to see if Im still hung up on being there for him and making sure he’s ok and that may be the reason he called. But I also don’t want to seem like I don’t care for him as a person if he needs help, since he has always been there for me. So this morning I texted back “Gm, I turn my phone off at night..what can I do for you”, which he responded by “I just needed help with something but it’s ok now…thanks”, followed by an offer to fix the tire on my bike. This is a clear sign of guilt tripping that I wasn’t there for him and it hurts. I don’t know where to go from here because of feel my emotions are getting the best of me…help

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2018 at 12:15 pm

Hi Renae,

That means you’re not in nc.. Why did you break up?

Tamima

February 16, 2018 at 9:04 am

Hey Chris! So i started the NC period finally… But here’s the thing, before i did so i gave my ex a goodbye letter. I felt i needed to do this because i could feel him taking my presence in his life for granted. He doesn’t think of me or miss me but when we speak or hangout with freinds he acts nice to me. My question is, will the NC still work in my favour if I said goodbye? P.S. in the letter i also mentioned if we are meant to be he will find his way, and if we aren’t we’ll find better people.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2018 at 12:03 pm

Hi Tamima,

it lessens your chances if it conveyed you’re just going to wait for him. You need to make it seem in your nc that you’re not anymore and that you’re moving on without saying it to him because it would look like you’re just trying to convince him.

Alexa

February 15, 2018 at 5:15 am

Hi, it’s me again, Alexa. I just completed 30-day no contact rule. Then, yesterday I send him a greetings for Valentines Day. He replied. What’s the next thing that I should do because I’ve tried to ignore his reply.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2018 at 11:37 pm

Hi Alexa,

check this one:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

Mel

February 14, 2018 at 7:23 pm

I feel like I have been messing up the NC rule. My ex and I were together for 9 years and so when he broke up with me, I did a lot of begging and pleading and crying, but I also asked him to come to my parents’ house with me and let them know of our separation (because he is like family to them). So now I realize that I have to meet up with him at my parents’ house in a couple of days but this will mess up the NC rule, as well as make everything very final. Should I just cancel the parents’ house meetup?
Natalia

February 13, 2018 at 7:20 am

I had this relationship last year, we lasted about a month and a half but I really loved him and he broke up with me. We talked twice about the break up and he’s said sorry a bunch of times but I am still not over him. My friends all say to get over it but I can’t. I realized midway the article that this may not work because it’s been a year so i wanted to know what else I could do. I do feel like I’ve messed up because my friend and I were talking and he sent my ex a text asking if he would get back with me and if he missed me, we got no reply. I don’t know what I should do, help?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2018 at 6:25 pm

Hi Natalia,
Check this one:
Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back After Years Apart

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6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”