The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Nataniel

February 10, 2018 at 9:18 pm

How would I go about the relationship with my ex and our mutual best friend? We’re in a Facebook chat group together. If my ex says something, should I just upfront ignore him? Also, if during the No Contact period my ex starts worrying too much and asks our mutual best friend about me, what should I say to the mutual friend?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2018 at 12:58 pm

Hi Nataniel,

talk to your friend. He or she would understand why you wouldn’t want to talk your ex. That’s good if your ex asks your friend.. That’s your opportunity to use your common friend. That means you need to show your common friend that you’re moving on without saying you’re moving on.. just don’t initiate conversations about your ex, if she asks tell him/her you’re doing great and just focusing in yourself right now.

alisom

February 7, 2018 at 2:58 pm

i had recently said to my boyfriend that i was getting kind of bored, two days later he saw messages of me talking to another guy. this guy was completely random, he just messaged me on instagram and said whenre you coming to visit me at school, i literally only answered because i was bored, i said never i live in ny come to ny, he said im playing ball there in a month come watch and i said thats like two hours from me, he said something else and i never answered then i deleted the conversation because i knew i shouldnt of had it (i didnt really think anything of it because i knew this guy lived far and id never actually meet up with him, which was wrong of me because i shouldnt of had the conversation period but anyways. the night after i asked my ex to talk in person and he said he thought it was a good idea for closure, but i didnt want that, i wanted to get back together. i ended up balling my eyes out and begging for him back for like three hours. (terrible i know) he said i was getting bored and the messages, he just felt like i was going to cheat and he didnt want to end like that. (id never cheat) he basically said wed never get back together. its been five days since that and i asked him to meet up thursday which he agreed to. i wanted to give him a genuine apology but i also wanted to bring up getting back together somehow. i also figured that because i begged his the other day and he had to go through that, that if he was really over it he wouldnt of agreed to meet up with me. im also assuming he has to kind of know that i want to meet up has something to do with me wanting to get back together right? i just want someones opinion on the whole thing.

also ive noticed he keeps his location on for me, we did that while we were dating to always know where each other was, i feel like he wouldve turned this off if he was truly done.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2018 at 11:23 am

Hi.

Have you met by now? If no, just look your best and don’t beg for him back.. You can apologize and ask if you can get back together but do it with dignity. If he doesn’t want to , tell him you understand and then follow the advice on this one:
This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again

ASHLEY

February 7, 2018 at 2:58 pm

i had recently said to my boyfriend that i was getting kind of bored, two days later he saw messages of me talking to another guy. this guy was completely random, he just messaged me on instagram and said whenre you coming to visit me at school, i literally only answered because i was bored, i said never i live in ny come to ny, he said im playing ball there in a month come watch and i said thats like two hours from me, he said something else and i never answered then i deleted the conversation because i knew i shouldnt of had it (i didnt really think anything of it because i knew this guy lived far and id never actually meet up with him, which was wrong of me because i shouldnt of had the conversation period but anyways. the night after i asked my ex to talk in person and he said he thought it was a good idea for closure, but i didnt want that, i wanted to get back together. i ended up balling my eyes out and begging for him back for like three hours. (terrible i know) he said i was getting bored and the messages, he just felt like i was going to cheat and he didnt want to end like that. (id never cheat) he basically said wed never get back together. its been five days since that and i asked him to meet up thursday which he agreed to. i wanted to give him a genuine apology but i also wanted to bring up getting back together somehow. i also figured that because i begged his the other day and he had to go through that, that if he was really over it he wouldnt of agreed to meet up with me. im also assuming he has to kind of know that i want to meet up has something to do with me wanting to get back together right? i just want someones opinion on the whole thing.

also ive noticed he keeps his location on for me, we did that while we were dating to always know where each other was, i feel like he wouldve turned this off if he was truly done.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2018 at 11:23 am

Hi.

Have you met by now? If no, just look your best and don’t beg for him back.. You can apologize and ask if you can get back together but do it with dignity. If he doesn’t want to , tell him you understand and then follow the advice on this one:
This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again

Jordan

February 6, 2018 at 6:09 pm

My boyfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me. Within the first week of the breakup we saw each other twice to talk about the breakup because it was so sudden, so he was giving me explanations. There was also contact to give him his stuff back. It has been a week since the breakup, are these few moments of contact bad? Could they have potentially hurt the chances of us getting back together? I have started the no contact and will continue with it but was just curious on thoughts for potentially getting back together after contact in the first week.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2018 at 12:24 pm

Hi Jordan,

That’s ok.. just stick to nc this time and be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

Alexa

January 28, 2018 at 12:36 pm

I had a 4 month relationship with a very special friend of two years. Two weeks ago we broke up because suddenly he just lost spending time with me, and told me that he felt that he felt he loved me more just as “a friend”. Had some family problems too, that’s why he’s confused. I began not contacting him, un-followed in IG and he even blocked me. But we’re still friends in FB and his relatives do still talk to me that everything might still be talked over.
N.V.

January 26, 2018 at 11:52 am

Hello. Thank you so much for your valuable inputs. I am on the 5th day of my no contact rule and i have had 3 messages from her and multiple calls. I have not picked up or replied to any although i want to. Our relationship was around 10 months and we kinda see each other at work.I’ am also going to travel for a couple of months in the next week so how should i proceed with my interaction with her? Should i still continue with the no contact rule or should i talk to her and I’ am not even sure what I should say when i pick up the call? Can you please help me out?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2018 at 11:51 am

Hi NV,

check this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

NV

January 26, 2018 at 8:17 am

Hello. Thank you so much for your valuable inputs. I am on the 5th day of my no contact rule and i have had 3 messages from her and multiple calls. I have not picked up or replied to any although i want to. Our relationship was around 10 months and we kinda see each other at work.I’ am also going to travel for a couple of months in the next week so how should i proceed with my interaction with her? Should i still continue with the no contact rule or should i talk to her and I’ am not even sure what I should say when i pick up the call? Can you please help me out?
Nena

January 24, 2018 at 4:11 pm

Hi;

Please help. My guy who I have dated for two months suddenly withdrawn and sometimes he will call or text me to say am sorry for not giving you attention and all of that. I didn’t complain or nag because I have read that is not good. I have cried because I think he has broken up with me but doesn’t know what to tell me. He has come to our house and introduced himself as my husband and we have made plans together for our future. I love him and I am very Sure he love me too but I don’t know what happened so now I decided to do No Contact to see what happens. Am in day 3 now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2018 at 7:28 pm

Hi Nena,

don’t you think he feels things are too much now, like it’s too fast for him?

zehra

January 18, 2018 at 7:29 am

hello, i am zehra
i was in relationship with a guy for 3years and 9months and this year april 2018 we were going to complete our 4th year. we ended our relationship on 11january 2018. breakup is from his side… i am just now maintaining it. i am in no contact rule for one weak … i am trying my best to maintain this no contact. actually we came into relationship when he was in collage and hence having lots of time for me but as days passed he started giving me less attention and put me at last position of his priority list..
see !!! from first to last position.
thing were all good even perfect for say 2 years.. and then the graph of his good behaviour slightly start decreasing.. the last year was worst he only gave me time when he misses me ignoring my calls, texts… fighting with me blaming yeah… some time he is very good and some time he worst anyways mostly he was worst for the last year of our relation.. he says that he have no time for me because he works alot and at night he is so exhausted that what he wants is to sleep. but i find out that he don’t have time only for me. for others like his family and friends he have lots of time. then i started suspecting him because he uses social networking sites late night but can not talk to me.. what is this!!!
anyways i got frustrated with his behaviour and hencw fight with him. we ended our relation and maximum time from his side for 3-4 times and this one is longest till date. i know he is busy in his business.. he runs a restaurant.. but i think if someone wants to give you importance he will defiantly give you importance no matter how much time he have. and i never asked for much from him. never.but last time he uses ill language for me in fighting which i can nat accept in anyway.. he broke and i accepted it this time i didnt beg.
and u have BLOCKED him from every socialnetworking accounts on that same day.
yes i miss him alot. what to do?? please help me. i am CPA student and because of this am unable to concentrate. need help. you know what some time i unblock him on whatsapp just to check his last seen and then blocks hi. again it hurts when i see him online late night. please sugggest me what should i do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2018 at 5:30 pm

Hi zehra,

If you’re going to do nc, check the links below:
How To Make It Through No Contact Period

EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Wendy

January 12, 2018 at 2:58 am

Hi,
So I have been on a date with this guy, on and off. I fall for him. I told him I like him once, and he said he liked me too. He’s very easy going with the relationship and he doesn’t want a commitment and I know he must be seeing someone else too. The problem is that whenever I date someone, I am not a person who can easily date someone else. Which means, I like him very much.
Before Christmas we barely talked, I greeted him on the Christmas eve and I sent him a Christmas gift through his staff. He was surprised and he said he loved the gift. He initiate to meet which we end up to sleep together again. I asked if maybe we can go out to have lunch or dinner together and he agreed with that and he will text me back about the dinner. He did asked if I have been to an X restaurant, the next day after we slept together, but then he didn’t reply anything and he hasn’t texted me anything at all after that. So I decided that I think I have showed him enough that I care and I started the No-Contact rule, it’s been only one week since then.
So what do you see and what would you be your opinion or suggestion?
Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2018 at 8:45 pm

Hi Wendy,

how long have you been dating? If you’re not official, that means you’re more like friends with benefits.

Vic

January 10, 2018 at 11:45 pm

We are in long distance relationship, but he wants to break up with me because he is interested with a new girl and while that time we had a fight for small reasons. We couldn’t meet for two months.
Now i am in the no contact period, but i am worried that what if he became a partner with that new girl and do not come back to me..
What should i do in this situation??

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2018 at 7:21 pm

Hi Vic,

check this one:
EBR 015: How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend

alana

January 8, 2018 at 9:56 pm

i broke up with my ex of 9 months about a month ago. we were deeply and madly in love but i suspected he was cheating on me with this girl who lives in south america. he would always be so weird and secretive with his phone and refused to add me on social media. he always made me feel so loved and wonderful, even when i accused him of cheating on me but i just couldn’t take the thought that i was being played for a fool (i.e he is still entertaining this girl while dating me) i told him i wanted him back and that i still love him, but he is telling me that he is hesitant because hes scared im going to change my mind again. i started the no contact rule 3 days ago and he has been messaging and calling me every single day since then, he even added me on facebook which i always argued with him about. i feel like hes baiting me but i cant be sure. i still love him so much i dont know what to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2018 at 1:53 am

Hi Alana,

check this one:
EBR 046: Can You Ever Break The No Contact Rule?

Monica

January 2, 2018 at 8:18 pm

Hello Chris,

My ex boyfriend of 5 months (officially dated for 3 but was seeing each other two months prior to that) and I took a break around a month ago. He cited to saying “things were moving too fast.”, which to me is an excuse based on things that happened prior to the break. A week before the break, we had an emotional breakthrough in the sense where we both opened up something traumatic about our past, which to me signifies that we must really trust each other to do so. We’ve already exchanged “I love you’s” and he always brings up our future (ie. When we have kids). He’s even asked me questions about debt, which is such a strange question considering how new our relationship was! Prior to our break, we were also suppose to go on a trip (and he was the one who suggested going somewhere hot, so we decided on Mexico and he was suppose to plan it too since I was busy with school). We decided that he should meet my parents prior to the trip too.

However, the week after that, he had gone on a short weekend trip to a salsa congress in Seattle and something changed. I dont think he cheated though because he’s been chested on before. When he came back that weekend, he said he wanted a break because it was moving too fast. I told him that there’s an option of slowing down and he just needed to tell me that and if going forward, if he still wanted one and he said yes. So I told him “I hope I’m still here when you’re ready.” And he thanked me for being so patient.

I kept my interactions with him at a minimum because we still see each other at salsa. At that point, his girl has been really flirty with him and he was definitely being flirty with her back. And thats really out of his characger because he’s a really private person. I took the high road and ignored it. Three weeks ago, he message me late at night to say he wanted to break up (which is very immature of him since he knew he was going to see me at a salsa event later). So, I didnt cry, beg or plead and said we’ll talk later today. During the talk, I told him that I agree with the breakup and it’s best for us to be apart for now. I also told him how breakup with someone through text isn’t how you treat someone you loved and it really hurt him. I ended off with that he had a lot of issues to work out and we needed to go our separate ways right now and I wished up all the best. He ended up breaking down during our talk – he wasn’t sobbing but he was definitely tearing up and getting emotional. He didn’t even say bye to me and just walked away like he was the one getting dumped. He even unfriended me on Facebook, which is a huge shocker in the social media world (especially for a guy who’s rarely uses social media).

Three weeks later, him and that girl he was flirting with seem to be together, which really hurts because it feels like what me and him had meant nothing to him. And the fact that he’s doing it deliberately in front of me breaks my heart. I’ve tried to keep my contact with him minimal (and I’ve asked him to dance a couple times in moments of weakness). Despite everything he’s done, I still want him back (even after everything he’s put me through). I definitely fell for the potential of the relationship, since we’ve both imagined a future together.

I think I’m going to start the NC again. I’m not going to our Monday salsa events since he’s always there. It just hurts to much to see him and his new flame and I think he knows that I’ll be there on Monday. And I don’t think I really gave him a chance to miss me if he knows I’m there on Monday all the time.

Chris, it would be great if you could give me some insight. Thanks for listening!
cheese

January 2, 2018 at 7:48 pm

Hi
i m currently in my no contact period with my ex who broke up a few weeks ago with me. i was so happy in my 7month old relationship and we even talked about marriage and stuffs, but one day he said my love was a burden for him and then he got busy for days and didnt have a chance to talk properly. i felt insecure, we were in a LDR and i needed the reassurance that he still cared about me. but that seems to got him disappointed and he broke up with me saying he wouldnt be able to keep up with my expectations in the long run. Long story short, he wanted us to stay friends but i told him i couldnt for the moment. we are in very minimum contact for about 2wks now (althought the last time we chatted a few lines is 2days ago). Seems this is working because he told our mutual friend that i dont talk to him lately and he seems to miss me. The problem is his birthday is coming up in a week and i really wanna give him a birthday present which i know he wated so much. Could u guys please give me some advice on if i should ? everytime i contacted with him, his cold responses got me kinda sad. but i still care a lot about him and i’m not sure what i should do anymore now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2018 at 6:50 pm

Hi Cheese,

why are you in mc? nope, don’t greet him.. and it looks like you have to restart nc too because you need to make full nc.. mc is only for co parents, or co workers, and if you live together.

Carla

December 23, 2017 at 4:36 pm

I already Un friended him on Facebook! does that matter?? I did that before I read this. He broke up with me and I hope we can be together again

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2017 at 7:06 pm

Hi Carla,

Just make your posts public

Peach

December 21, 2017 at 10:10 am

Had a bad text exchange with my ex today. I haven’t contacted him since Nov 30. He texted me today to let me know something which concerned me. I didn’t want to reply initially but ended up typing back. He kept texting me after and was asking questions and telling me stuff about himself. I should have just stopped him then but I didn’t. Ended up arguing. He never once asked me how I was doing. The last time I texted him was when I was in the ER. My family was not in town and I had nobody else. He just totally went silent and ignored me. From that moment I knew he didn’t give a crap about me. Did not even text me one word this whole time. I was getting better. I was able to watch a movie without thinking about him. I had stopped checking my phone to see if he contacted me. I’ve kept busy working on a personal project. And this week I felt good. I felt like I was moving forward and didn’t need to ever see him again. I had let go of the past and do not want him back. He never once asked me if I was ok or apologized to me during this text exchange today. He kept talking about himself and how much he likes this new girl he is seeing. That she is the only one he can talk to about everything and how interesting she is. He even told her about me and said she says he should talk to me more. Telling me what a nice person she is and I shouldn’t be so quick to judge people. This totally upset me. I was fine till that point. How dare he talk about me to her. He told her I was crazy and private stuff about me. I got really pissed and told him to never have my name come put of his mouth. He painted me in a bad light and it was not his place to discuss us to his current girlfriend. He did not respect my privacy. I forgot to mention that this new girlfriend he met online ehile he was still with me. Do I said to him, I don’t want him saying anything sbout me to her or anyone else. And I never judged her. But if I was to, she is no saint because she got with him when he wasn’t single. It’s so easy for her to say to him, go talk to her more. She is not the one that was cheated on. The thing is, I 100% do not want to get back with this guy. But there’s this sentimental partbof me that wants to remain friends or else I would feel that all the time spent with him was wasted. I started to go down the rabbit hole and couldn’t stop myself. Now I feel that all the progress I’ve made is gone. I’m back to square 1 feeling devastated. Devastated over how he treated me, how he doesn’t care if I’m dead or alive, and how he thinks it’s ok for him to tell her stuff about me and even tell me how much he’s into her and all the money he’s spending on her. I’m not even upset that he dumped me. I see him for what he is now and would never go back to him. I’m devastated over the fact that I was inlove with this man that I don’t even know anymore. That I was so blinded to see ehat he is back then. I cheap and used. He never spent much money on me when we were together. I didn’t care for that but knowing how he’s freely spending all this money for her pissed me off too. I feel like I have to start over again and stop all contact with him. I need to totally cut this person our of my life. He sees no wrong in how he treated me. Kept talking about himself and her. And it’s freaking weird because I know he is only telling me sbout her. He has not told any of hos friends or family he has his new relationship. Why is he doing this? To hurt me more?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 25, 2017 at 6:08 pm

Hi Peach,

More likely because he can see you’re moving on, and it’s an ego boost for him to confirm if you haven’t. If you’re moving on, it doesn’t matter why he’s doing it because you shouldn’t talk to him anymore.

Jessy

December 21, 2017 at 2:13 am

Hi Amor,
We had some typical miscommunication problems in LD relationships. For example, he stood me up several times when we set the time to talk on weekends, mostly he even ignored my text for hours without notice. The conversations weren’t connected as they used to be, and he always said he delayed to respond because he’s caught up with work, which for me was like excuses, because I know he was on WhatsApp from time to time during the silent period. And my mistake is that I became more and more emotional and upset for his behaviors, which pushed him away even though in the beginning he was patient and serious to clarify himself. Before we broke up he told me that he’s insecure and nervous due to his past relationship failures. On our last phone talk, he was even upset and impatient telling me that it’s my own issue being insecure, and he can’t live my life. I was like…geez! what an overreaction and it’s so unfair when he used to be upset if I was temporarily quiet….

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 25, 2017 at 5:33 pm

if he stood you up several times, that’s not normal and it’s ok to be upset about that.. did he say why he stood you up and did he explain himself? Are you in the no contact rule now?

Daniel

December 20, 2017 at 10:13 pm

We broke up a week ago(he basically broke up w me, although in a very unsure way) I broke the no contact rule after he reached out wishing me a wonderful day. This Saturday a dinner is planned with his mother, him and myself and I don’t know what to do. I’ve never met her after a year and a half and afraid if I blow it off the chances of us getting back grow smaller. What do I do?!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 11:08 pm

Hi Daniel,

are you sure you’re still invited to the dinner? If yes, you have to restart nc after that.

Annie

December 20, 2017 at 7:14 pm

Well, we had online relationship, we live in different countries but intense one. He seemed to be much in love with me, but then started to accuse of manipulations and lies (which was not true). I tried to pursuade him to believe me, texted too much, spoke of my love, but it only led to blocking me on whatsapp, and he said i irritated him. So i did no contact rule, but only for 2 weeks. When he contacted i couldn’t resist to reply. He seemed interested and positive, but then actually told me that is not interested in getting close to me(
But i am still have feelings for him. I dont know i the no contact were longer like 30 days, would this change anything or there was already no chance as for some reason he just doesnt believe me. Anyway no contact works, as he unblocked me and contacted first, but if there are no feelings anymore it won’t help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 10:28 pm

So, if he has moved on, what’s your plan?

Jessy

December 19, 2017 at 7:51 am

Hi,

I was LD dating a guy for 6 months – we were exclusive but not gf bf yet.
He initiated the break up (I also had that thought on my mind before him saying so), and we are both in NC now after his last text. (I’m the last one not responding).
We had very little time in person and I think that’s a disadvantage for building the solid relaitonship, even though he was really serious for a committed relationship with me. And the most invested thing he did to us was that he spent a lot money and time flying to meet me for the first date.

My question is, I’ll be in his city on my NC 27th day. Not sure if it’s alright to break the NC 3 days earlier and tex him, just for the coincidence. However, my idea was to extend the NC to say, 45 days. Because I admit that our last convo was messy.

Thank you for the advice in advance!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 8:43 pm

Hi Jessy,

why did he break up with you and why did you think of breaking up with him?

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6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”