The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

JB

December 8, 2017 at 2:51 pm

Hi there,

So, I’m in a tough situation. My boyfriend moved for work in New York, while I live in Boston, over the summer. We were together about 2-2.5 years. We tried to make it work, but I pulled back and basically stopped visiting him. Our relationship had other issues and the distance only exacerbated them, but we kept talking. Eventually in October he confided in me that he had met someone and felt really guilty, but he has said things like this before with no merit behind them in order to make me jealous so I didn’t really believe him, and at this time he and I had discussed patching things up and were working on it. Next thing I know this girl he met at an event (who lives in Virginia) is writing him letters saying she loves him after only meeting him once (and from what I know he says it back), and in just a few weeks they have already made multiple 5-7 day visits to each other. I’m absolutely crushed and have been begging him back MERCILESSLY, even visited him in New York and cried for him to leave her, but he won’t, even though we slept together while I was there. This is turning into a long saga, but basically I think his relationship with her is a rebound because even he’s admitted he doesn’t think they’ll last, but how do I win him back from her? I’m on day 2 of NC but he hasn’t initiated any conversations with me in a week or two, so I don’t know how long it’ll take him to reach out to me. I hope this all made sense. Thanks, your website gives me hope we might patch things up.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 11, 2017 at 10:15 am

Hi Jb,

She’s not rebound.. Check this one:
EBR 040: He Dumped Me For Another Girl… What Do I Do?

Sandy

December 8, 2017 at 3:49 am

Hi, I dated someone I knew since HS but hadn’t seen in 20 years. We dated for 5 months and moved really fast (moved in after 2 weeks) he insisted on moving fast but he had broke it off with someone he was dating for a year and a half that lives 6 hours away. He saw her maybe once a twice a month on the weekends and if you do the math, that is less than 50 days but he was with me for 5 months every day which is around 150 days. well a month in he said he still loved her but figured we can get through it, well here we are 3 months later and he said he thinks about her often and is in love with both of us and is conflicted but I have nothing to worry about because she is 6 hours away and he wouldn’t be in a long distance relationship. I don’t understand how he can be still in love with her if he doesn’t see or talk to her daily. long story short he moved out (blamed it on my sister and nephew living with me and doing what they want) and I told him that we needed a break. A week later he is in a relationship with her. He didn’t even wait a few days. Told me I will always have a piece of his heart but he will have to let me go. I’m super hurt by this and I thought this was my soul mate. He hasn’t attempted to call me. Do you really think the no contact rule would work or is he really in love with her and i will never hear from him again? even if I dont’ want him back I guess it would make me feel good to know he thought about me or thought he made a mistake or realizes he misses me like he missed her.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 11, 2017 at 9:48 am

Hi Sandy,

There’s no guarantee that nc will work in any situation..it just helps increase your chances

cookie

December 5, 2017 at 6:18 am

Hi,
My boyfriend and i hesitantly broke up because we found out that we both did something that hurt us both really badly.we’ve been trying to work on our relationship of 1 year with 6 months of constant fighting and now it has come to an end.I’m moving away to a new country and im confused about the NC rule..do i quietly move away or keep it strict NC.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 8:15 pm

HI Cookie,

what do you mean by quietly move away?

Chrissy

December 3, 2017 at 3:42 am

Hey Chris,

I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years (who has been my best friend since we were kids). He asked to remain best friends and I said no. Our break up was really emotional (a lot of hugs and love on both sides). We have been in this state of confusion for a few months and with his uncertainty I knew he needed time for himself. His issues need not be resolved in a relationship. So I made the decision to end it. He says I’m everything he’s ever wanted but doesn’t feel happy and doesn’t know what he wants right now. It’s been 5 days NC. I’m concerned he might think we ended on good terms b/c it wasn’t a bad breakup. We both said if we’re meant to be, it will be. I plan to go 30 days NC, but I don’t know what my first message back should say. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 1:38 am

HI Chrissy,

check this one:
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

Lim

November 29, 2017 at 4:42 am

Hey,
We were in a long distance “situationship” for half an year. We have had several our potential relaitonship conversations before, I know he is serious about me. But now things didn’t work out and he said we should move on. I don’t know what’s the best response I could give so that I choose to go into the NC mode.
Is NC approach applicable to situationships?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2017 at 3:01 pm

Hi Lim,

Check this one:
If You Had a Long Distance Breakup Here Is How You Get Back Together

Sara

November 26, 2017 at 10:41 pm

Hello, it’s Sara again. I’m sorry to post twice but forgot some details.
He’ll be going to a ski trip with his dad for the Holidays. If I do 30 days NC by the time we finish de texting/calling fase he’ll be gone and I’ll have to extend the texting or calling for a week. The other way around we could have our first “date” just before the trip.
I’m thinking he’ll have a lot of free time at the trip (we were supposed to go together) and the feeling of nostalgia will get the best out of him. I think I could take advantage of this. Would it be better for us to have a date before or after the trip?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2017 at 2:13 am

Hi Sara

it’s better to extend building rapport than to rush going on a date with him..

Sara

November 26, 2017 at 9:48 pm

Hello,
My ex (we were together for 2.5 years) and I broke up after a long distance and open relationship. We are now living in the same city, tried for 3 months to work things out and ended up braking up because of his confusions, doubts, abandonment issues, and last but not least he still likes a girl from his office he hooked up with while we were having an open relationship.
I’ve been in NC for 17 days. Yesterday I saw him at a festival, we planned to go together before the breakup. He came to say hi and left, then bumped into him and he hugged me and told me it was good to see me. This was super hard on me because I felt he was feeling OK about the breakup but a friend of ours told me he was wipping all night talking about me, saying we wanted to go hold me and dance with me but that he didn’t make a move because he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore with his confusions.
In five days he’ll go to the beach with his mom, I thought under this circumstances it would be better to send my first text while he is at the beach with no one else to talk and no distractions from the problem, whoever, this would be day 23. Day 30 is mid week when he’s overstressed with work and might not react as good, maybe the beach context could help my situation.
Anonymous

November 21, 2017 at 8:04 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up in March so that I could take time to focus on myself which was very necessary. He was shocked but I knew that I needed to do it. I grew as an individual and when I was ready, I approached him that I wanted to get back together. I wish I had found this before doing so because it would’ve really helped me with that first approach. We stayed friends and we work in close proximity so during March – September we were friendly and chatted occasionally, hung out occasionally. It was clear to me that he was still very much interested and not getting over it, but I wasn’t ready and he didn’t clearly state anything or else I might’ve jumped back in before I was ready, so in hindsight glad he didn’t say anything specific! Anyway, our summers at work are very hectic and travel intensive, so we didn’t really see each other too much or communicate too much, just every now and then and nothing crazy. Anyway, after the summer I reconvened and I knew I was ready but didn’t know how to proceed. When we initially broke up, I did not indicate that I would be coming back when I was ready because I felt that was an unfair position to put us both in. So he had no idea. I approached him two weeks after we hooked up again after the initial break up. Told him how I needed time to work on myself and I’m a stronger more confident person now and would like to try again. He had a bunch of scared excuses in place but wasn’t able to tell me that there was no chance when I asked. He said “won’t our old problems come back up”, “we should’ve worked it out together the first time” and “i’m just not ready to get back into that”. Other things he said led me to believe he’s ultimately scared to give it a-go with me again. I wish I had approached our conversation differently and also not as abruptly. I can tell there are still feelings there. We have had a couple other conversations since and have gone back and forth on if we are friends or not. He is sort of seeing someone else, but they are not serious. He has blocked me on social media, but still initiates conversations with me in person at work and via text message occasionally. I am going to implement NC for real this time and start things back up again slowly afterward heading your advice this time, trying one more time to prove to him that this time would be different, i’m even more improved and would never give up on us again. I think using your tactics instead of my stupid ones before that it could work this time. I just refuse to believe that this is the end of us and I feel so strongly that he’s going to realize this new girl is nothing in comparison, just new and shiny at the moment. Do you think I’m crazy for even trying again? Is there specific signs I should look for during this NC that might give me any sort of inclination of his feelings? Or certain extra steps I should take to reconcile my mistakes in approach earlier on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 23, 2017 at 12:23 am

Check this ones:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Daniela

November 21, 2017 at 5:15 pm

My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for about a month now. We still keep in light contact because he wants to. He says he still loves me and misses me – he tells me that I will always be the love of his life, yada yada, but that right now he needs to alone. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Now, the reason we broke up was because we were fighting a lot. We were both kind of sick of it. And right now, he’s in his last semester in school, about to graduate and interning somewhere. Like I said, he told me that he loves me and misses me, and just needs time alone. He tells me if we’re meant to be, we’re meant to be. I told him I would feel more comfortable if we didn’t keep in touch, but he practically begged me to stay in touch with him. He wants to know how I’m doing and stuff because he says i’m one of the most important people in his life and always will be. But I’m not trying to get friend-zoned either. I’ve made that very clear. I guess I’m just confused as to what to do right now. I’m scared that if I do NC he’ll get used to not having me around and just forget about me. We were together for a little over two years. If that DOES end up happening, then I think it’s safe to assume the relationship really wasn’t meant to be, which scares me. And if I do LC, I’m scared he’ll start seeing me as more of a friend. I’m leaning more towards the NC for my sake, but I don’t want to make him think I’m closing the doors on us. I really do love him and he is a best friend to me too. And him and I connected in a way that I’ve never connected with anyone else before (he says the same of me). So, deep down, I do believe we’ll end up together again. I want to just let go and leave it in the hands of fate, but at the same time, I want him to know that I’m not trying to close the doors on us completely. No contact would be the right thing to do here, right? I think my situation is a little different from anything I’ve read because my ex still loves me and he says he misses me and he still wants me in his life. We didn’t break up on bad terms or anything. He broke up with me, and I agreed it was the best thing to do at the moment. We are broken up and we never established if this was going to be break or anything. His big thing is if we’re meant to be, we’ll find our way back to each other. I feel like I should have the same mentality, but it’s hard. A friend of his showed me a screenshot of a text between them and he was telling him how much he missed me and saying stuff like, “I think she is going to be my wife.” So, I know he still loves me and hopes for it to happen, but he never expresses that to ME. HELP. 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2017 at 1:08 am

Hi Daniela,

check this one:
Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

Su

November 19, 2017 at 7:02 am

I want to start NC with my ex because we are in the zone of breaking up. I unfollow him in IG but am still friend on FB. However, he is more activate in IG. Should I request a follow in IG?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2017 at 5:42 pm

Hi Su,

Nope, just make your account public

Bradie

November 10, 2017 at 8:06 pm

Hey, its heart warming to see a dude that took it upon himself to help others in their difficult mental times.

My case is as follows:
1. A 1 year and 3 months relationship ended while i was away abroad and my ex didn’t have me next to her for just under two months – after a few serious arguments, she called me and broke up with me on the phone.

2. Before leaving i had an intimate session with another girl and kept it a secret from her. I deeply regret it working on myself to strictly remove myself from these situations in the future.

3. When i got back, it was a her birthday and what happened before i left came to her attention on the night of her birthday (in the most graphic way possible).

I begged for forgiveness (big mistake, i know) and got shown the door after some violence and a long painful discussion.

since then, no communication whatsoever and I recently found out she left the country for 3 months.

How does the no contact rule apply here if at all?

regards,
Bradie.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 13, 2017 at 12:50 am

Hi Bradie,

have you checked the exgirlfriend recovery site?

Tehnia

October 30, 2017 at 5:29 am

Hello, please respond to my email.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 31, 2017 at 9:25 pm

Hi Tehnia,

The emails are handlef by Leia, our team mate.. If you replied to those texts, restart the count and do at least 21 days and check this one:
How To Take Charge Of Your Life After A Breakup (One Woman’s Incredible Story)
And this one:
Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate

Tehnia

October 30, 2017 at 5:28 am

Hello Chris,

I posted a comment yesterday but I didn’t see it on the blog this morning and neither your response to it.

Please I really need your help, email me please, I already have emailed you also.

Thank you and best regards
Tehnia

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 31, 2017 at 9:25 pm

Hi Tehnia,

The emails are handlef by Leia, our team mate.. If you replied to those texts, restart the count and do at least 21 days and check this one:
How To Take Charge Of Your Life After A Breakup (One Woman’s Incredible Story)
And this one:
Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate

Bhavna

October 26, 2017 at 7:53 pm

I broke up with my ex 2 months ago since then we had few talks through text messages , a week back he texted me saying that , he miss me alot , but don’t wanna ruin my life because he can not keep me happy enough and said ” may you get a man of your life who can love you more than me ” since then I decide to follow no contact rule , it’s the 6th day , I want to ask you , that I have removed him from my whatsaap and deleted my facebook as well , he can not find me or see what I am up to through any socoal media , is that fine doing or should I activate my facebook and make him stalk me and see my happy posts ??

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 29, 2017 at 11:26 am

HI Bhavna,

You need to reactivate your facebook account..

12345

October 12, 2017 at 6:44 pm

Did you advise Jessica to move out immediately or move out after the 21 days of no contact? I am going on week 2 and have been staying at my parents but some of my things are still in the apartment

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2017 at 5:25 pm

It would be better to move out immediately and then start nc

Janet

October 7, 2017 at 4:55 am

I love what you said. Could you help me please. My boyfriend put another girl on the phone to say “he’s not available right now”, right after he had already said hi to me. She sounded like an attractive voice so I know the voice was already there. I’m so upset right now you have no idea and no one to talk about it too. He got back on the phone right after she said it and said he was only kidding, that she’s coworker & I flipped. I told him never to talk to me again & that she’s lucky she lives miles away because I would smack the living shit out of her. I know I shouldn’t have said all that and it’ll make me look bad but I was so upset and felt so betrayed. He says he lives me all the time and he pulls a thing like this. I want to cry right now. I told him never to talk to me again but I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting or if I should just break up with him. I mean, how can I be an unforgettable, ungettable girl if he has some coworker of his he gives his phone to, to talk to me. Joke or not, I feel it tells me something and I feel like fuck it but I love him so much. Hurts to let him go. So upset right now. I’m going to cry.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 8, 2017 at 9:50 pm

Hi Janet,

How are things now?

T

October 5, 2017 at 10:30 am

He has his own business which is not good at the moment. He said that it might take years to fix it and since I’m 34 he doesn’t want to waste my time. Btw – he did the same last year before moving to my house. He was afraid of that commitment. He broke with me and I made NC rule which obviously worked. In this case should I do the same? It will be so obvious…. I really want him back. Our love is mutual and I blame his depression for the choice he made.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2017 at 8:56 pm

Yeah, make it 45 days but make it in a way that you’re preparing your life if you don’t get him back. Do nc for yourself, not for him. If he’s like that when he has business struggles, nc is not going to change him. NC is for you to arrange your new routine, give him time to think and to maintain the new routine after nc while you’re slowly building rapport.. If after you’ve built rapport, you got to talk about everything and he didn’t make any changes, or at least didn’t try to, move on.

T

October 4, 2017 at 12:06 pm

Very funny.. my post disappeared!

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2017 at 7:33 am

Hi T,

It’s still here, it just haven’t been approved.. If he is struggling because he doesn’t have a job, why not put more of his effort in finding one instead of getting married?

T

October 4, 2017 at 11:13 am

Hello. My ex just moved out from my home. We have been together for 2 years. We had a very good relationship- best relationship he ever had, he said. when he broke up with me he said that this relashionship can not last forever like this and that we need either to get married or to end it. That he was thinking about proposing me, but he said that he has nothing to offer me once we are merried ( no stable job). This was the obstacle and he just can’t make the next step. He really loves me and he is suffering right now, because he left. I told him and I’m very angry at him that he didn’t choose the other option ( to propose me ) and he said the he is angry at himself as well, but he needs to live with that option from now on. How should I apply the NC rule?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2017 at 7:33 am

Hi T,

It’s still here, it just haven’t been approved.. If he is struggling because he doesn’t have a job, why not put more of his effort in finding one instead of getting married?

Lisa

October 3, 2017 at 4:25 pm

Hello. Ex-bf and I just broke up but still living together. We broke up because we always fight. How do I do the non contact rule? How long can I stay before I move out?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 3, 2017 at 10:07 pm

Hi Lisa,

Check this one:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

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6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”