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YS
May 22, 2016 at 3:07 pm
Hi there,
My bf and i has been dated for 1,1/2half year. Im a single mum. We were all fine and out of a sudden my bf mentioned that he wants a break up. He mentioned he loves me and he cried when he saif this. And the reason he gave was that he could not accept the fact that the child is not his. Whereby all the while he has been treating my child very nicely taken care of. I have started the NC with him. But i was just thinking will there be chances that he will be back ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 10:39 am
Hi Ys,
There is if he misses the both of you, but what’s more important is your child. If he really can’t accept your child, better move on from him. But maybe he’s just overwhelmed now.
ELLE
May 21, 2016 at 8:01 pm
MY BOYFRIEND OF 9MONTHS CHEATED. I GOT REALLY SICK WHEN I FOUND OUT AND ENDED UP IN HOSPITAL. WHEN I GOT OUT. HE HAD ALREADY MOVED ON WITH THE GIRL HE CHEATED WITH. HE STILL TEXTS ME AND ASKS THAT I FORGIVE HIM. BUT HE JUST WONT STOP SEEING HER. HE STILL TEXTS ME EVERYDAY AND ASKS FOR FORGIVENESS. BUT HE DOESNT JUST STOP WHATEVER THEY HAVE THEN MAYBE I WOULD GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE… I DO WANT HIM BACK.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 7:48 am
Hi Elle,
Di Nc, and establish that you’re not chasing him..by doing nc you’re showing respect to yourself and showing him that it’s not in your standards to be treated this way
Steph
May 21, 2016 at 6:28 pm
I was a complete rockstar at the 30 day no contact, did not even try to contact him once on any form of social media but when I finished the NC period and sent him the first text reaching out I got zero response. I’m devastated, I don’t know what to do now or what I should have done differently.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 5:59 am
Hi Steph,
what topic and style did you use?
Anon Phil
May 21, 2016 at 10:13 am
My boyfriend and I broke up after a couple of months very suddenly. It wasn’t long but we hit it off straight away when we first met and all our friends that saw us were for sure we would get together which we did after 2 weeks. Of course things were going so well at first but since we both have so many commitments, all we both did was studied and have sex and our relationship became stale and nothing that we said was exciting. He broke up with me after a few months saying that he can’t make time for a relationship and that he wasn’t ready for one. I could understand that and I said that is fine that he was busy because he was able to provide me the opportunity to be with my friends and focus on myself but I understood why that was not the problem it was that he didn’t like me as much and so I wasn’t worth the time anymore. I felt I put his needs ahead of myself and lost touch of my identity and accommodated him over myself. I know that the no contact rule is important and we both clearly need it but it is quite hard to overcome that. I did the no contact rule for 2 days pondering what I did wrong and I realised and so I called him hoping to get closure. Again I talked to him which was wrong and he gave me such ingenuine replies and we both thought once were less busy in a month time we will talk about it and he gave such a terrible reply to me and went off at him making me view as a crazy ex gf. It was wrong to let my emotions get the better of me and I made accusations but it reflected an ugly side of me that he had never seen and we never had an argument. Right now he believes that we are officially done and we could remain friends and I knew what happened could’ve been worse but I don’t want to risk that happening. So I created a new fb just so I can work and focus on myself and resist the temptation to talk to him but could you tell me other ways that can help me with no contact. As well I understand I read in other articles how no contact rule can backfire in the sense that they would just forget.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 5:17 am
Hi Anon Phil,
you’re right on track in no contact.. You should only do 21 days.. be active in posting n social media.. if it’s really of your schedules then you have to be observant on when he replies the most when you start texting again
Michelle Lewis
May 21, 2016 at 5:54 am
So after my ex boyfriend told me out of the blue that he needed space, and for us to go and live in separate places, just like that out of the blue everything was great and we were even talking about marriage. He was going thru some stressful issues plus his parents hate me and since they got involved he got more and more distant until he told me that he wanted to try and live in separate places because he just needed peace and to be alone for a while, but that we will still be talking and seeing each other cause se wasn’t breaking up. So I packed my things and left that day he looked so unsure as if he wasn’t sure what he was doing was right. So after I left he ended up going to his parents house but he called me normal everyday on his way to work after work. But all of a sudden it started to be less calls less texts so I used to question him why was he doing that and he will answer ‘doing what?’ And I used to be like come on you know wat ur doing. Ur pushing me away and he used to say he wasnt, every time I used to ask him why this was happening when we Even had plans to get married he used to say that it wasn’t me that it was him , that he needed peace to be left alone for awhile and I used to tell him that what did he mean by that cause I was the only person that truly helped him he will tell me , that he aalready had told me what he wanted why did I keep asking the same thing. Anyways on may 4th I decided to confront him again cause now he was getting too distant. And he told me that it was best if we went our separate ways, and that time will tell, I started balling out crying but I did not text him that day and at night he texted me saying ‘just because we are going thru this doesn’t mean I don’t care about you’ to which I replied if you would care you wouldn’t be doing this.after all we have accomplished I know you have been stressed and stuff but I’ve been the only one there for you to which he said ‘there you go again I already told you what I needed ‘ Anyways he did this to me once in the past and in 3 days I was already back at the house he told me to come back and he said “see all I needed was time and space” but this time he broke up with me and stuff.the day of my birthday at 6am he texted me happy birthday and I just simply put thank you Now this is the interesting part. He knows my Facebook password and he doesn’t know that I know he knows it and logs in to my page minimum 6 times a day the first time as early as 6am daily he goes on it on his lunch time when he gets out of work and when he’s about to go to sleep. He even goes in my inbox and has deleted messages that guys has sent me like flirting and stuff, and a friend of ours messaged me thru inbox saying how messed up he was and he deleted that too. He thinks I don’t read them because when I read them I put mark as unread so he thinks I haven’t read it and deletes them and even block the people. So my question is what do you think about the whole situation? And why does he keep hacking into my Facebook to see what I do and who writes me and who doesn’t? Do you think that because he can still check up on me is why he doesn’t text me or call me anymore? Like is that giving him security? Should I change my password or not. I am not gonna deny it I like it when I see that he logs in because that makes me feel like he cares. But at the end of the day what I want is for him to start looking for me again. So why is he going thru my Facebook. Deleting stuff and do you think if I change my password this will make him have to text me or call me? Pleaseee help I am suffering a whole lot
Michelle Lewis
May 25, 2016 at 10:15 pm
She text me happy birthday may 18 I said thank u. I texted her on Monday asked her how shewas and said good. My question js should I change my Facebook password so she can’t go in it anymore? And she doesn’t hack my fb from time to time she does it everyday since 6am til she goes to bed
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 29, 2016 at 10:54 am
if you decide to do no contact, yes you should your password.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 25, 2016 at 2:07 pm
Hi Michelle,
I answered in your other comment.. I’ll just copy paste it here ok?
Iām not sure about what she really thinks right now but her checking your messages from time to time is good.. have you talked again?
Mr.Rodriguez
May 21, 2016 at 12:24 am
Hellloo I rreally really need help. So i had a relationship of 5 years, where we did have some aarguments here and there but we wwould resolve them. At tthe start it was magical, we even talked about mmarriage. I engaged her and all and she was super hhappy. Then like a year aafter that she told me tthat she needed time and that she needed space, this was really ttough on me but i left the hhouse , and she started texting right away to which I ignored, 3 days later she told me to come back. And she ttold me “see that’s all I needed space” so aanyways we kept with the relationship eeverything got back to normal, magical again. Then we started the process of buying a house. The fact that her ccredit was low made us loose the oopportunity we lost money on the process. She tried for a second time and the same thing happened. I never got upset and I aalways told her not to worry that it will eventually happen but every time we were on the process of buying she will get rreally obsessed and in a bad mood whenever it ddidnt go thru. So anyways we saw a third house and she went for it. In this case I paid for the iinspection, the appraisal and the 1,000 dollars to hhold tthe house. We had talked about marriage and she wanted to Get married. So aanyways with this house and got really oobsessed where a few times I had to tell her to take iit easy because she was in a bad mood and often took it out on me and her ddaughter. So anyways we had planned that with our tax money we will give the deposit to get tthe hhouse. Everything was fine, all of a sudden she receives the news that she was being audited for no bad reason just got picked and that the money will ttake llonger forr her to get it. She got extremelyyyyy obsessed caling the IRS etc etc. I told her babe don’t wworry I have 3500 dollars saved up and when my taxes came i will put tthe full amount, she got super stressed but wwhen she will ttalk to the realtor she was still iincluding mmy money in the picture, shee used to say ” well we have 3500 dollars. All of a sudden her dad gets involved in the iissue, her father is a very ccontrolling person with her to the point where she has had lost jobs and everything because of him. she has a disabld son and he ddidnt help out at all . I helped hher in eevery way with the child economically etc. So anyways all of a sudden she began to start acting different and distant like that first time she told me the same thing. She told me I love you but i jjust need space for me time for me, and I was like but eeverything was cool what happened, and she said that I had done nothing wrong that she was the problem. I didnt leave the house immediately and I started to nnotice that sshe was no longer counting with my money and her father started trying to get loans for her. Her father cant stand me. So sbe became more distant and I had a talk wwith her asking her why was she being like this to which sshe will aalways reply ” I aalready spoke to you about how i feel i need sspace and time” so as mmuch as it hurt me i asked her if she wwanted me to leave which she will respond i never said that. So She stayed distant and I had a final conversation with her and she said I already told yyou how i felt, and thatsshe thought it was better if i went my way and her her way and since the lease on the hhouse we were renting was gonna be up in 2 weeks tthat it was the perfect time. She started going more to her parents bhouse which was right next to ours and i wwill stay alone in tthe house. Due to the fact that we lived right next to her parents house there was always a back and forth which she hhated. Anyways she ended up not getting tthe hhouse aagain bbecause of her ccredit and her only option was to go to her parents and for me to go to mine. She said that sshe wanted it to be like when we first started that we lived apart and we will talk over thephone and see each other on wweekends. So I left tthe house that day as i was packing i can tell she was scared or confused she was initiating conversations with me and llooked kind of sad confused and unsure at the same time. I Left and that same night she texted me saying “just because we are goingthru this didnt mean. She didn’t love me . that we were not broken up she just needed space and time. So she uused to ccall me religiosly on her way to work after work and wen she was gonna go to sleep. That llasted for like 2 weeks then all of a sudden fewer calls fewr texts and she used to ssay ive beenbbusy . so I cconfronted her about tthis and and she said it was better for us to go our ddifferent way and that maybe in the future time will tell. And i was like ” but you jjust had said like 2 weeks ago that now you were gonna get an apartment and that i was ggonna be able to visit you and spend time wwith each other . she said time will tell. SShe just needed to be left alone and destress. Now here is the thing I have texted her sometimes asking her what had happened and sshe responded “I already told u is not u is me I just need time and space” ssometimes ill text her hey and she wouldnt reply. My bday was Wednesday and at 6am she sent me a text saying happy birthday. I wrote her back thank you. Now here is the thing she knows my Facebook password and she goes in my Facebook at least 6 times a day aand she even deletes inbox messages from random girls that I vguess they had heard we’ve broken off sso they would try to flirt with me . she has no idea that i know she’s doing this so what I do is I read the messages then I mark them uunread so she thinks I haven’t read them and she reads them deletes them and even bblock the people. One message came from a friend of ours saying how messed up she was she deleted and blocked too. Why is she going on my Facebook so much? Will Me changing my password help? Because I feel that as long as she can control wat I see or not gives her power and she doesn’t have to wonder what I’mdoing at tthe same time I love when she goes in my facebook because it makes me feel that she still cares. Please help me. What do you think about the whole situation and why she still hacking in my Facebook and what should i do. Also should Ichange my ppassword and why? Please helppp
Polo
May 20, 2016 at 2:24 am
Hey, so my situation is I’m kinda still in a relationship with my boyfriend, during our relationship we always had arguments because we didn’t spend much time together, we live 1 hour apart so we basically see each other once a week or stay together part of the weekend, the problem is that even schedulling things with me he would exchange me at the last hour for his friends or family, and it happened lots of times! The worst thing was that last weekend he went out with his friends,and he forgot it was my birthday, something I remembered him four days before my birthday. With all of this going on, I had another big argument in which he said “I love you,and I’m very happy with you, but if you can’t accept who I am it’s better for you to breakup with me,instead of having these arguments”, I instantly broke up with him through texting,which he found immature and childish, so with that I said that we would meet and breakup face to face, but until then we wouldn’t keep the contact…It’s been 4 days without contact, and we will meet on sunday.
My main problem now is, I don’t know how to breakup in a way that he will come back after me, I believe he loves me, but he’s just too comfortable and takes me for granted, so I don’t know if I should be tough and say that we’re never getting back together, or if I should just say that it’s impossible for me to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t give it all for it to work…What should I do? Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 25, 2016 at 8:43 am
Hi Polo,
did you break up and proceed to no contact?
Kris
May 19, 2016 at 5:30 am
Hi there, I have a quick question.. well maybe quick.
First of all, I’m not sure 100% if I want my ex bf back.. but it’s a possibility. I want to try the no contact rule and then go from there.
My ex and I have been together 6 years, have a 3 year old when he wanted to call it can quits. I’m heartbroken, and I’m going through so many notions of being okay and then having an emotional breakdown.
The thing is, I had to move out of state since he broke it off with me.. and thus I have to start over with aid of my mother. My question is I guess, how would I go about the no contact rule when we’re discussing visitation? Just keep it short?
The thing that makes me angry is that he hasn’t even tried to get a hold of our daughter, and I’ve been the one trying to get him to talk to her. (It’s simply unfair for her)
If he doesn’t initiate contact with her himself, should I just not say anything?
This situation is tricky. Thank you for your insight.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 7:19 am
Hi Kris,
You’re going to do limited no contact.. It means you only talk about your child nothing else.. No blaming him, no emotional texts, no relationship texts and you have to start to focus on healing yourself
Jae
May 19, 2016 at 12:24 am
Hi, I’m at a loss at what to do. I was with my boyfriend (who is 6 years younger) for about just under 10 months, but it was literally perfect – we never had a fight, always had a great time together, we just clicked, it was more like a best friendship than a relationship. We lived together, and after our first holiday together (where he asked me to move there with him) we came home and got a puppy together. 2 days later he packed up and moved out with no explanation, he just said he loves me but he doesn’t know what is going on in his head. We were still together and would still see each other every 3 or 4 days or so but then for the past two weeks he has refused to talk to me or see me in person, is distant and hardly ever replies to me. It seems he all of a sudden has a bunch of new teenage friends that are in his ear. A few days ago he let his friends disrespect me and our relationship on a public forum so I ended it officially. I wrote a big letter explaining everything, which he said he reads every night 3 or 4 times, but again still will not see me to face to face like an adult. He keeps messaging me, especially about the letter and then last night I told him he needs to see me in person and explain face to face what is going on and where we stand or I will walk away for good. After a million messages back and forth and i guess him thinking he was backed into a corner he finally said no. I haven’t replied since, but he has messaged me a few times to get my attention saying he is writing me a letter back and he does miss me and everything so much until something happens to ruin it. It’s like he is a complete stranger now with his behaviour. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 7:47 pm
Hi Jae,
Start with no contact, so he can think clearly.
Emma
May 18, 2016 at 10:55 am
My boyfriend broke up with me after 3years. He left me about 3months ago but has still been fooling me around. Its been like friends with benefits. I couldnt take it anymore and started the no contact rule. Its been a week and I have ignored his call and txt. I have posted pics on instag.and faceb.where im doing new stuff and enjoying my life..Well today he knocked at my door and look a lit bit scared..he wanted to know why I was ignoring him. I just kindly said that you were the one who left me and wanted to see the world and meet new people and so on. I said I need to move on now because I cant have the romantic relationship with you. He was asking about have I already slept with someone else and so on. I tried to be polite and smile and said his new clothes look good and then wished him a good day. After that he send my a message where he says sorry (I think about he rushing to my home asking questions) but now he has removed me from Facebook and instagram. I guess he is angry me not begging him back anymore or something….what now??ļ»æ
He has also sayd that he isnt intrested on anybody else and need to have deep emotions to go to bed with someone and that no one cant ever be better than me and so on…he said that he has this lock that stops him getting too close to me again..
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 3:22 pm
Hi Emma,
maybe it’s his way not to see your posts because it hurts him
Amy
May 17, 2016 at 12:09 pm
I’m scared he is going to find someone new during that timespan, especially since I think he was already getting close with another girl when we broke up…
Jennifer Seiter
May 21, 2016 at 2:03 am
Hi Amy, It’s going to be your best shot at getting back with him. You need to reset his thinking after the breakup. The other girl would most likely be a rebound anyway. How long were you two together?
savannah
May 16, 2016 at 9:03 pm
Hi EBR TEAM, my ex boyfriend and i broke up about two months ago. we do talk to each other, only because i see him pretty much every day, we work at the same place and we have a lot of outings as a group with friends but my question is can i still do the NC rule even if its been quite a while since we broke up and talked since then, will the NC still work?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 6:40 am
Hi Savannah,
We can’t guarantee that it will but if it will be a change from your routine, he will notice it, especially if you improve yourself.
Lucy
May 16, 2016 at 6:48 pm
Hello my boyfriend of almost a year hinted at breaking up with me the other day. What he said to me was the relationship was too deep and that I was too into things. It made me think that I was smothering him but he never told me this before however he told me that he was when it was too late to fix things. What he also said was he wasn’t ready for a relationship because it was too deep and things are hard for him right now in his everyday life. I don’t really understand what’s going on. He said maybe we could leave things a week with no contact, see how things are in a week and then we could maybe ease back into things. What should I do I have no idea. I would appreciate some help thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 6:39 am
Hi Lucy,
It’s been a week. Did you not contact him?
Sera
May 15, 2016 at 1:13 pm
My bf suddenly said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship? what does it mean? we broke up for that reason.. we were happy together and he said he loves me and we even talked about marriage, but he said if we wanted to get married it would be after 6 years and he said he feels we won’t make it
I don’t know if the no contact rule would work or not? since he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 6:46 am
Hi Sera,
it can mean he thinks you want more commitment and he’s pressured or he finds you clingy.. We don’t guarantee 100% that it will bring him back, but it’s always the better choice in this cases.
Rachel H
May 14, 2016 at 1:31 pm
So, I’m in the unfortunate and hard situation of having to live with my Ex after our breakup while I find a place to live. I tried implementing the no contact rule the past few days and literally got BLOWN up at. Told me I was rude, how could I not answer him, what did he do to deserve this. Is this normal? Or should I be concerned. Should i wait until we are no longer in the same living situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 7:17 am
Hi Rachel H.
when you live together or see each other everyday, it’s going to be limited no contact… onmy talk when necessary and when he initiates reply politely direct..don’t be engaging for a small talk.. go out more to spend time with friends and in your new actvities.. don’t initiate a small talk
Lolo
May 14, 2016 at 12:07 pm
I have a question about the no contact rule, me and my ex talk normally, but it hurts me inside that he is not my bf anymore (he was the one who wanted to break up) but he said he wanted to be friends with me, I agreed. It’s been around a week since we broke up, and I want him back.
My question is, when to apply this no contact rule? should I tell him something before I do it? or do I do it suddenly?
whenever he goes somewhere he tells me, and so do I.. that’s why I find it little mean if I all of a sudden stop contacting him without saying anything.
Lolo
May 15, 2016 at 1:15 pm
Yeah thank u will try that
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 7:09 am
Hi Lolo,
tell him you need time for yourself because you can’t manage being friends for now..but don’t tell him for how long
Alaa
May 13, 2016 at 3:08 pm
My ex bf broke up with me saying he doesn’t want me with him in the future, but he said that he wants to remain friends with me, and he also said he loves me.. but he may NOT to in the future. I kept telling him no (about remaining friends) he kept asking me why, tried to tell him that I don’t think it would work but he didn’t understand why, at last I tried to block him, and asked a friend of mine to do it, but I couldn’t sleep or even eat, I was dying, I cry everyday.. so I unblocked him but I didn’t send him anything.. Then he himself sent me messages at night telling me:
>>”Since you knew I am not going to be with you in the future you blocked me, that means you only used to talk to me for your own benefit, and you didn’t really like me as a person. After knowing that I feel way better”<>I ALREADY TOLD MY EX THAT I WON’T TALK TO HIM TILL THIS MONTH ENDS<<
I wonder if it's okay? š if not, what should I do?? What else can I tell him to solve this? I think I should have stopped the contact without telling him so.. Please help
And if u have other suggestions please help me, thank u very much.
Alaa
May 14, 2016 at 10:56 am
I’m sorry for talking alot.. but today me and him had a fight and he ignored me because of a silly reason, so now I have a reason to leave without saying anything.. but my birthday will be soon which is on 29th/may.. If he ever messaged me to greet me what should I do?
Should I wait until that day then follow the NC rule or I should do it from now? I feel if he greeted me and I didn’t answer him he may hate me
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 5:46 am
Hi Alaa,
sorry for the late reply.. start no contact and don’t reply if he greets you.. if he hates then think of it in a positive way, that means he still cares if you answer or not.. the more important thing is you focus on improving yourself and he has to see that he can’t control you anymore.. he tries to force his ideas or decisions on you because he knows you would submit.. and if he gets angry because you didn’t reply on his bday greeting, that’s also another way of trying to control your or validate his ego.. so just let him be to cool off.
Alaa
May 14, 2016 at 10:01 am
I actually told him I would stop talking to him after my finals, but then I told him I changed my mind yesterday, but I am going to follow the no contact rule soon
But I don’t know what I should tell him before I do it? or I should just leave without saying anything?
Alaa
May 13, 2016 at 3:16 pm
I am sure I wrote little more details.. but I don’t know why they are not written
I wrote that I really love him and I want him back no matter what.. I will do my best, I don’t want to lose him.
When we were in a relationship we also talked about marriage and he told me he was serious about it
he said that he wouldn’t let anyone else take me, he didn’t even let me talk to other guys, I didn’t let him talk to other girls as well.. to ensure that none of us would fall for another person.
He told me he doesn’t want to make me sad, then why he suddenly said he doesn’t want me..? why he said he doesn’t want to marry me? why did his feelings change about me.. I didn’t even do anything wrong. He didn’t give me a specific reason why his feelings changed about me..
I read about the no contact rule and I wanted to try it, but I already told him that I won’t talk to him
this is the mistake I did.. and I don’t know how I do solve it
ali
May 12, 2016 at 8:52 pm
Hi. Me and my boyfriend broke up about a week and a half ago after dating for 4 1/2 months. This was the 2nd time we’ve broken up he says due to me “not appreciating him enough” or treating him like he wants to be. Anyways, he usually always blocks me on social media however this time he didn’t but after a few days he blocked my number because he thought i had been cheating on him (which i wasn’t) and he got so mad. Then we had messaged on FB and got into a huge fight but he still didn’t block me. THEN he thought I was on some dating app and after I didn’t reply once, he did a full on blockout. (FB, snapchat, instagram, phone) so there was absolutely no way I could reach him even if I wanted to. Then 4 days later I guess he unblocked my number because he texted me yesterday just saying “hey i was just thinking about you. hope you’re doing well” me of course being sad about being blocked in the first place sent a simple text saying i was fine and that i wished him the same then he went on to tell me how he’s been working out and doing all this weight stuff so I replied and that went on for a total of 4 messages all together and then he just stopped replying. What should I make out of all of this? Should I start the 30 day no contact rule and just not reply all together if he ever contacts me again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 5:20 am
Hi Ali,
are you texting again now?
Stacey J. Butler
May 11, 2016 at 9:55 pm
Hi EBR Team,
First off, let me say that, I have been reading a ton of blogs/websites, and I have taken them all with skepticism. However, I am already obsessed/hooked with this! I have a partial success story so far (thanks to you guys). Let me begin my question by saying my situation is a bit different. My guy friend and I have been extremely close friends (hanging out 3-4 times per week, every single week, without exception) for a year now. We were both dating other people when we met, and were solely friends. During this time, we built up a really unique friendship. We call each other best friends, we text each other every day, he has taken me on two road trips to a city nearby (he paid for both, and always pays for our dinners, everything). After we each broke up with our respective boyfriend/girlfriend, he initiated kissing. At first I thought it was weird, and told him so. Then, we hooked up a few times. We both agreed to remain friends. However, we always cuddle, hold hands, etc. All of our friends think we are a couple. He then began saying really intense things to me like he could see himself with me for forever, that I am his best friend, and that I mean more to him than any other woman has. I finally developed feelings for him, and told him. He responded in a manner shocking to me (since he is the one who initiated kissing with me first, he is the one who initiated physical intimacy first, and “ramped up” our relationship from pure friends to something more physical). He said he cared about me too much as a best friend, and he didn’t want to date me because he doesn’t want to lose me. I was shocked. At first I agreed, but then he said he doesn’t want to stop kissing, or stop seeing each other or holding my hand. Why kiss me all the time then? It wasn’t an isolated incident. We have been kissing and holding hands (even in public!) for three months now, and hooking up too. I decided I didn’t want to go back to being just friends, because my feelings are there, and I believe his are too, after he continually makes such intense, appreciative comments to me spanning 4-5 months. During this time, he is also casually dating his ex-girl who lives across the country, in Alaska, who he seems 3 times per year, and tells me constantly how miserable she makes him, how they weren’t meant to be, how much he and her fought, and in the same sentence how little he and I fight and how much he loves our friendship. I decided to move on with my life and to take just a week off from any contact to think. I then found this website and was intrigued. I decided to implement the 30 day rule at the recommendation of this site. I know my situation is different from traditional exes who break up, and wasn’t sure it would work. We had had our second ever real intense fight in our 1 year friendship a few weeks before I agreed to go cold turkey, which was another reason why I wasn’t sure my one week of no contact would work on him. But, apparently that didn’t matter. 5 days into my silence I received a text from him. I was surprised. He said he hoped I was doing well. I didn’t respond. Then, 3 days after that, I received a text from saying stating he was surprised he hadn’t heard from me. I still didn’t respond. The next day, I get yet another message from him! He said he was worried about me since he hadn’t heard from me in two weeks, and said to please let him know if I was OK. He also called me, and emailed me asking if I was OK! He never emails me! I was shocked to get this response. He also said he was driving over to my place to confirm that I was OK and that nothing had happened to me. I know your blog said to reward good behavior and not to reward bad behavior. I totally agree! I fundamentally believe checking to make sure that someone who is single and lives alone is OK is good behavior. I also know how important NOT BREAKING the no contact rule is. However, this was one key exception. I responded simply and to the point that I was OK. That is all I responded. He wrote back thanking me for letting him know. Finally, another week went by, I didn’t text him or contact him AT ALL, and he texted me yet again! This time, it was a longer text. Saying he was reading through old memories and old messages/notes we sent each other, and that he missed me. He also said he would like to see me and that he hoped all was well with me. That is my story. That brings me up to now. So, first I will say, I am stunned by the amount of calls and texts I received from him, simply by ignoring him! It appears to be working so far. However, since my situation is different, (and he is still talking to/casually dating his ex who lives in Alaska, even though they are constantly “broken up”), my question is, what do I do now? He said he would like to see me and that he misses me. Do I still wait the full 30 days, knowing full well that Alaska girl keeps asking him to come visit him here in our town? Do I let them hang out, and continue to do nothing? What if he keeps texting me more that he misses me and wants to see me. Isn’t the whole point for him to want to see me again? Well he does. Now what? Thanks so much and let me know if you post my story anywhere! I appreciate it! Love you guys, all your articles are RIGHT ON!
Sincerely,
Experienced dater in Chicago
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 2:23 am
Hi Stacey,
Sorry to say this, but he’s a coward.. He doesn’t want to lose you and he keeps to talking to his ex because he doesn’t want to lose her too.. You’re like friends with benefits but it does look like he has feelings for you but he’s being safe..Keep with no contact.. and be active in posting in social media with your activities to improve yourself. Try to do new things and meet new people.. Try to do a little bit of jealousy tactic too so that he sees your value more.. That you’re not waiting for him forever.
Confused
May 11, 2016 at 9:31 pm
I’m on two weeks of no contact and my ex and I have been broken up for a month almost two. My question is can no contact work with someone who said that they were done talking to you? I had made the mistake of continuing communication after the break up but became pushy for answers and another chance. I’ve really been working on myself and believe I have found the real me that I previously lost, an even better me. We share mutual friends but we were in a LDR so I am curious if nc will work after he said he was done talking as to not build up false hopes. I still talk to our mutual friends and there have been times where he has made general/friendly conversation towards me but I have not responded as none of the contact was through text, email fb etc but voice app with others. Thank you for any help, we were together for 6 years.
Confused
May 16, 2016 at 6:51 pm
Oh, one more question. When you do start talking again after NC, if you don’t follow the steps in the texting Bible will you need to start over from the beginning or would you start the steps?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 8:07 am
it depends on the situation if you should restart with no contact or take another course of action.. if he’s still angry, it’s better not to initiate contact yet and let him cool off first.
Confused
May 15, 2016 at 8:34 pm
I’m not sure how to approach him once nc is over. He sounds very annoyed in his tone of voice as of late and I’m not sure if it’s because I have been using NC. We are used to talking everyday and doing almost everything together which we never got our own space until now. He texted with a period at the end of his sentence which normally isn’t used unless angry, frustrated or annoyed
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 2:17 am
Hi confused,
if he tried talking to you, then he probably just said that before out of frustration or annoyance..