6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

1. 

   Rose

   April 15, 2016 at 8:15 am

   Hi,
   My boyfriend and I of 5 years had an argument via text about a month ago where it sounded like I broke up with him it was heated then 4 days later I spoke to him but this time he said he wants nothing to do with me said some nasty things so I begged etc and then I found this website as we decided to meet up so I thought no I’m not doing that he messaged me the next day said he doesn’t want to see me as it will affect his judgement he needed a week so I replied and said give us two weeks he agreed then 2 days later he messaged and said he will speak to me after his holiday I ignored then 2 days after that when he was back we started speaking and everything seemed fine until he started saying ‘I need to know we won’t be bad again’ so I did the wrong thing of saying do you need more time he said yes then I tried some texting strategies after a couple of days I got minimal response then I think I took it too far and got a bit lovey dovey with a text he replied and said he can’t do us anymore and that everytime I speak to him it messes him up I’ve ignored him
   Do I have any hope?
   Shall I try 30 day nc?
   I feel like he will completely forget me after 30 days as we talked everyday for 5 years

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 18, 2016 at 2:56 am

   Hi Rose,

   5 years is not easy to forget in just 30 days. and besides, I don’t think talking to him further is the better choice.. So, it’s better to do no contact..

2. 

   kenadee kleeh

   April 15, 2016 at 2:51 am

   Hi. My boyfriend and I broke up over a month ago and have kept in contact since mostly bad. I have done everything I thought was right, but it turns out wrong. I have begged, overly texted, it all just because I thought if i didnt he would forget about me. My ex is sort of a control freak and he gets jealous easily. We’re 18 and 19, but i know he is something special. I really want to get him back and I think he wants me too a little bit. So many people have told me to basically do the no contact rule, but im also scared it may just make him mad. He has told me to let him miss me as well, where is where we are at now. Please help me

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 18, 2016 at 1:57 am

   Hi Kenadee,

   Are you going to do no contact? If you are, that means you have to improve yourself. It’s not just about not contacting him. It means you have to find yourself when he’s not with you anymore.. Finding your own happiness and independence.

3. 

   Haley

   April 14, 2016 at 7:35 pm

   Hello.
   My ex and I broke up 2 days ago. I ignored a few of his texts yesterday, but ended up responding with one or two words because he texted me twice. Today I texted him and apologized for having to deal with what I was like for the past few months and he answered (what I thought was) dismissively. Any friends I have showed the text to thought he was being nice. We are already long distance and I’m afraid the no contact rule will break any connection at all… And he’ll forget about me.

1. 

   Blurr

   April 20, 2016 at 12:58 am

   Everything is getting worse..i started dating but one day i went out with a guy to the movies and he started touching me everywhere so i left the movies..i came back feeling so bad and missed my ex so much..thinking i will never find another guy that i can connect like i did with my ex..i texted my ex and told him everything and he got really angry and said he will never ever come back to me and he can not accept me anymore..now i just dont know what to do..his friends tell me to give him time and that he doesnt hate me..

2. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 21, 2016 at 2:46 pm

   Yeah, give him space.. and don’t think that way. You would really experience meeting those types of guys and you did good leaving the movies.. For now, do you want to do nc?

3. 

   Blurr

   April 18, 2016 at 1:35 am

   My ex and i was together for 3 years. We work in qatar together and then he followed me back to malaysia..he was on social tourist pass and had to exit the country every month..in march he went back to india and was only suppose to exit for 5 days but afterwards he msg me and said he will be back end of the month.at the end of the month he disappeared on me. I panic and msg his friends and family and he got really angry..i start the NC for about a week and then i msg his fren..His friend said that he missed me alot and wanted to come back to me but wants to look for money first…then after that he started msging me back.at first i ignored him but later replied to him..but he comes and disappears whenever he likes..he would say he miss me n love me and seriously wants to come back to me but not now..i miss him alot and i dont think i can find the connection with any other man..he ignored my msg again so in the end i wrote to him im not his back up plan and if he misses me just come back if not let me move on. The thing is i would do anything to get him back..do u think the no contact would work but how he disappears on me totally. I went out on other datess but makes me feel lonelier..i just want him back..its long distance and i know if i could meet him it would just be ok..right now i think hes influence by his frens and mayve he enjoys the freedom. Please help wut should i do next..i cant imagine a life without him

4. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 18, 2016 at 2:20 pm

   Hi Blur,

   actually you were right with what you said to him, the problem is you don’t believe what you said.. we can’t guarantee that nc will totally help you.. but it can help in increasing the chance..especially if you’re proactive in improving yourself

5. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 17, 2016 at 2:32 pm

   Hi Haley,

   That’s ok.. no contact is not a cure for all.. what do you have in mind?

4. 

   MissDaisy

   April 14, 2016 at 2:16 pm

   Hi,

   Things were going perfectly with my ex and I and then out of the blue he texted me saying it’s over. He said he has breakdowns etc. He had been out of employment for 2 months and owns a house. He kept mentioning he just felt so under pressure. I went to speak to him after he texted me and he was in a state, saying he knows he loved me but hasn’t felt the same for a while (which I think is bull because he constantly wanted me around, kept buying me my favourite sweets and wouldn’t let me in the house until I gave him a kiss. We had also just been a weekend away and he slipped a note in my bag thanking me for an amazing time, sayinf ‘here’s for more to come’ and signed it ‘always yours’).
   I have recently found out that he now has a job. 3 weeks on and I still haven’t heard a thing from him, yet he has kept his Facebook picture as one of us together, and still has that he’s in a relationship with me. He has also actively been using it, so it’s not like he has forgotten.
   I don’t know whether I should keep the NC rule for 30 days and then reach out, or wait to see if he does.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 16, 2016 at 8:22 am

   Hi Miss Daisy,

   but you don’t see in his posts that he’s seeing other girls right? maybe it’s really because he was pressured from being out of job… but since he just recently found a job..try to finish nc and let’s see if he contacta during it.. it’s ok if you want to initiate but if not it’s ok to wait too..

5. 

   Cortney

   April 13, 2016 at 6:25 pm

   So I’m on day 12 of NC but after yesterday I’m not sure. He texted me that he was coming over with the mail and to give me the mailbox key I replied ok. I wasn’t home so he then texted that he left the mail and key on the table. When I got home hours later I said thanks. Then he started texting random stuff so I didn’t reply then around 9 he texted me a picture of a movie he found and asked if it was my niece’s I replied no. So do I need to start over? Also I was listening to podcast 33 … What happened to Chris’ plans for the individual coaching?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 14, 2016 at 7:02 am

   Hi Cortney,

   nope you didn’t break it . The individual coaching didn’t pan out in the mean time because he’s busy with the new ex recovery pro book 🙂

6. 

   KatnissGranger

   April 13, 2016 at 12:19 pm

   Thank you! The no contact rule really worked for me when during 2014!

1. 

   Cortney

   April 15, 2016 at 12:03 pm

   So are you still with him now?

2. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 14, 2016 at 6:22 am

   you’re welcome!!

7. 

   Wolverine

   April 13, 2016 at 12:04 pm

   This is not the usual NC thing.
   We’re still (at least formally) together. We still love each other, I think she loves me more than I do. I have a problem with her often not calling nor texting for 12-18 hs. She claims it’s work and I know for sure she is being mobbed and she has little time to spare. But how long does it take to whatsapp me twice a day? 5 secs? 10 secs? We argued over this many times. I am pretty sure she is not cheating on me. Therefore I started NC. I have utterly disappeared. I have blocked her on WA and deleted her phone number. She tried to WA me and texted me twice in one day. I am not planning to call her. I am trying to distance myself unless she realises that I need to be in touch with her more. What will come out of this?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 14, 2016 at 6:22 am

   Hi Wolverine,

   it’s better if you could talk and ig that didn’t work.. just stop messaging and responding maybe for a day or two? No need to block her.. but if that helps.. just talk about it calmly that you did it because you can’t help but wait for her reply

8. 

   Kayla

   April 13, 2016 at 3:32 am

   Hi!
   My boyfriend broke up with me about 1.5 weeks ago and I immediately found this website and began the no contact rule. I am abroad in Europe and he is back home in the states. He is also one year older than me and graduating this year and just found out his job placement. He will be near me in Ohio for three months while I am attending university, but then he goes to California for 3 months and then back to the midwest for 6 more for his rotation. He ended things because he didn’t wanna do long distance for 15 more months. I am seeing him when I get home in late June (or so that is what we agreed on after we broke up). Do you think we have a chance of getting back together when I get home? Also, if he doesn’t contact me in the 30 day no contact is that bad? Since I won’t be able to see him for 2.5 months I was just wondering if I go about these tactics in a different way!! Thank you.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 14, 2016 at 5:10 am

   Hi Kayla,

   think about first if you have time, money and a plan on when you would be together if you ever get back together when you meet up.. coz without those,a long distance relationship will not last

9. 

   Brittany

   April 12, 2016 at 5:26 am

   Hi there. My relationship of 9 years (high school sweethearts) just ended because my partner cheated on me with a younger girl. We now live in different cities which has made things a little easier for me but his family still keep in touch with me all the time. Even though he cheated he thinks I am to blame for our relationship failing. I am going to do 30 days NC but I know he is extremely stubborn and I do not think he will care or try to contact me during the 30 days. What if after the 30 days I contact him and he doesn’t respond?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 13, 2016 at 8:35 pm

   HI Brittany,

   If he’s still with the other girl, then it’s better that you move on. He should be the one trying to gain your trust, not the other way around.

10. 

    Marry

    April 12, 2016 at 3:30 am

    Hello, I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago because of stressful situation at work and school and I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I apologized after the second day and he would not as wear his phone untill he said that I needed time for school and he said to call him untill 3 months have passed. What should I do?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 13, 2016 at 7:58 pm

   HI Mary,

   That was 30 days ago, and he probably was upset when he answered you. He probably just said that out of emotion.. Try to initiate contact and if he’s still like that then you can try nc if you want.

11. 

    Nena

    April 12, 2016 at 12:04 am

    Iv been with this lad for 2months after he did all the chasing and asked me to make it official being his girl, everything was great till he broke it off every 2-3 weeks saying its not going to work or whatever excuse he had but always came back saying he made a mistake but then finished it 2 weeks ago saying its for good that he has things going on in his head he needs to clear first and all this , I never made contact with him after he finished it and 3 days later he contacted me and ever since then still contacts me nearly on a daily basis, he has called over twice since the brake up. I honestly don’t know where I stand with him, I never houded his phone when he was not with me, he had freedom, I didn have trust issues with him, I never questioned him on anything, I showed interest in him, I picked him up the odd t-shirt or shavers as a gesture, I’d cook him a meal and breakfast in bed. I’m clueless to it all. He revealed to me there last week that he misses me and the feelings are still there but he just doesn’t want to be committed yet but still communicates nearly everyday. I texted him yesterday no reply till today he rang me and I ignored it as I’m so frustrated to what’s happening!

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 13, 2016 at 4:05 pm

   Hi Nena,

   he wants a relationship with no strings attached… you can try nc if you want, so you can have a break and reflect but be active in doing new things and improving yourself

12. 

    Karen

    April 11, 2016 at 1:18 am

    Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me on January after 6 years of relationship. Since then, I was so depressed and of course i did all things that i wasn’t allowed to, like begging, text gnat, etc. A month later, I found your website and about the no contact rules. I was trying to follow all the rules but unfortunately I had to break the NC after 2 weeks because my ex seemed depressed and needed someone to talk to. Everything seemed fine but now he suddenly went cold again. I don’t know what to do. Should I try the NC from begining again? Isn’t it too late for my situation?

1. 

   Karen

   April 11, 2016 at 8:22 pm

   When we broke up, he told me that he has been depressed for a long time and he thought it’s because we were fighting a lot. While I was doing NC, he texted me and told me that he was still depressed and felt alone in the new city. He just moved to another city a month after we broke up. I don’t know what to do. And now i was starting to miss him so badly again. All the memories started to flashback and I regret that I messed up my relationship.

2. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 11, 2016 at 12:22 pm

   Hi Karen,

   how did you know he was deoressed?

13. 

    Rachel

    April 11, 2016 at 12:47 am

    Hi! I was hoping someone could answer my question about no contact…

    So my ex boyfriend broke up with me exactly two weeks ago. Since then, neither of us have contacted each other at all. I’m following the no contact rule and have stuck by it until he just texted me saying hes sorry about my dog passing away yesterday… Do i text back and break the no contact? or do i not respond? What do i say if i do?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 11, 2016 at 12:13 pm

   nope, don’t respond..only respond if he truly says he wants to work things out.

14. 

    magnolia

    April 10, 2016 at 9:17 pm

    Yesterday, I ended the only on/off relationship I’ve ever had in my life, and I really, really didn’t want to end it. I’m 37 and a PhD candidate & my ex was a prof. We got together while he was married (I know, it’s not good, but that’s the truth). First affair I’ve ever had, and the first for him, as well. He was married 17 years to a woman who’d shared similar religious beliefs, but after a few years, he began to change his ideas and their marriage just no longer worked. He was sleeping in an entirely different part of their home. When we became involved, they divorced amicably, and she is happier. It was never my idea for him to divorce. I became involved with him because I fell in love with him, but I didn’t expect anything to happen. He ended up moving close to me and we’ve been together since then. He had a 2-night stand while abroad shortly after his divorce (I realize I was the “other woman” so saying he cheated on me is hypocritical, but I feel it’s relevant information). I forgave him easily because I understood he was very insecure and felt vulnerable being away from me for a month right after his divorce. He’s 11 years older than me and was very jealous at first, mostly I assume because he hadn’t dated & because I have always been single & dated a lot of guys, and he seemed to find that threatening. I get a fair share of male attention (not because I am trying to seek it out or make him jealous), and even though he’s very attractive, he has always been threatened. So, that’s why I cut him some slack on the incident in Greece. I understood his mindset and felt bad because he was in a really scary emotional place. We moved past it, though he has often set double-standards for me, telling me I can’t have male friends even as he texts ex-girlfriends. I actually still trust him more than he trusts me.
    Long story short, that’s the background of how we got together & what it was like. He’s been very possessive of my time, jealous of my friends–controlling, in a word. But I’ve demanded he go to therapy & we saw a couples counsellor. I also take anti-anxiety meds because I’m super high-strung and over-reactive, so I tried to do my part to help this relationship succeed. He tries, but gives up on most of his promises, and the main concern I’ve had, aside from trust (which has improved) is his moodiness and callous treatment of me. He’s very sweet as a person, but he takes his bad moods out on me all the time. I told him, finally, after 2 years of breaking up, storming out, fighting, and making up (because we are really kind of addicted to each other) that he needed to get help for his mood issues or we would have to break up. He said, very quickly, that he thought we should break up. He seemed relieved, though he sounded incredibly sad and agitated. He’s under intense pressure (as am I) and it’s an exhausting relationship, so I’m sure there is some relief. There’s some for me, as well. All of my friends think it’s a good thing that we’re broken up. I went out with friends last night and had a great time. But I’m utterly heartbroken. He and I had lost a deep emotional connection, and it was so sad to watch our relationship seem to wither right in front of me, but I am a crazy optimist and I still hope he’ll miss me and contact me with a genuine realization that he needs to do some work and that I’m worth staying with. I didn’t want to break up. I want him to change (I know–not a very realistic goal). I know he loves and misses me, but I also know we can’t be together if he doesn’t come down to earth and get a grip on his bad attitude. It’s always been there; I’ve just born the brunt of it because I’m close to him.
    I’m in email contact for work-related issues only. Very perfunctory emails. I’m not texting or calling, but I’m dying inside and want nothing more than for him to call me and beg for me to come back.
    Do you have any thoughts? I feel like if I do a 30 day NC, he’ll be in touch at some point, but I want him to do it now, lol. We had so many plans and I’m devastated at how bleak my future looks now, without him.
    Please tell me if you have any suggestions or advice or input. Thanks so much. I need the guidance on this site.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 11, 2016 at 11:57 am

   Hi Magnolia

   Always remember your future is in your hands.. think of this nc as a break and as a statement for him that even if you’re younger, that doesn’t mean you’re immature.. you know your standards and you know when enough is enough.. be active during nc for yourself because that’s the more important aspect of it.. Heal and find balance and put yourself first

15. 

    ANGELA

    April 9, 2016 at 11:35 pm

    I desperately need help
    Me and my ex broke up because I found out he had been texting girls in his phone and afterwards we tried to fix it but he felt I should be over it in a couple of days; when he broke up with me I threatened to tell secrets of his then after four days I contacted him to get my house key back(he’s out of state for a couple weeks) then we said we would try to fix things slowly, even went to see him things were GREAT
    Then he started withdrawing from me and I brought it up like why am I the only one reaching out he told me he has a lot on his plate just not me. So I then asked me what I needed from him,. I told him and he never responded to my text. One day later he texted me happy Easter. I didn’t respond. It’s been 2 weeks now of no contact
    WHAT DO I DO??!!!!!

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 10, 2016 at 10:45 am

   Hi Angela,

   For me you shouldn’t go back to him. He’s dismissive and like he doesn’t care.. But if you want to try, if you haven’t been active for yourself in the past two weeks, do that first.. Do it for 21 days before trying to reconnect to him.

16. 

    Gary

    April 9, 2016 at 10:52 pm

    Hey there,

    I met my partner in 2008, when he was just 18 and I was 33. He fell madly in love with me, at that time I refused him twice, but he came back twice from Australia to China just to be with me.

    2009, I came to Australia with him, however, I found that he was very dismissive and subconsciously belittle me. We fought for this, I would like him to share with me more when he was sad. However he doesn’t like to share. I am always the last person to know the truth. In our everyday lives, I like to eat healthy food, whereas he doesn’t, until now he realised his weight is increasing, I normally don’t eat his food.
    We have been together almost 8 years, now we both has stable jobs, a dog, Bella, and cat, Pebbles. However, when you are happy, bad things always happen. In 2015, he went to see a physiatrist then he initiated a break up, when I tried to move out he regretted so I stayed, he wanted to try if it works. This year in March, he wanted to separate again, we two cried a lot, he said it’s not my problem, it is his problem, there is age difference, and we are not compatible as we don’t watch same TV shows, don’t eat same food, but he wants me to be in his life, he wanted to try if grass is greener out there. On 3 of April I moved out. Now it is my 7NC, I was wondering if he also adopts NC, then this will be disastrous for me.

    1. was my first time stay an bad idea
    2. what if he wanted me to go to Singapore again to travel as we booked a trip before we break up. Is it a bad idea to cancel it or go with him, at this stage, I don’t mind cancel the trip.

1. 

   Gary

   April 11, 2016 at 7:50 am

   Hey there, the trip is at the end of this April, which is almost 21 days of NC, so far it is about 8 days. I believe he already forgets me 🙁

2. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 11, 2016 at 2:13 pm

   Since it’s after nc,don’t think about it for now, if he contacts you about it, it’s ok to talk about it and then decide on that time if you will go or not.. it will probably depend if you can emotionally handle it, if you talk about your relationship or your feelings that means you’re breaking nc..

3. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 10, 2016 at 10:37 am

   Hi Gary,

   No the first idea to stay was not bad.. when is the trip?

17. 

    ash199

    April 9, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    hi. i am 21 years old. i was in a relationship with my ex for about 3 months. he broke up with me a week ago. i really miss him and I have no idea how to get him back. he was in a very serious relationship before me. while we were in a relationship, i used to break up every 2-3 days due to small fights and trust issues that I had. though he always managed to bring me back to the relationship and really liked me. but out of no where he broke up with me a week ago citing reasons that he is very shattered and cannot commit to anyone right now. he said he had already suffered this in his previous relationship and doesn’t want this to happen again. i know i behaved very badly with him but now I want him back. i have had trust issues too because of my past and i had trouble trusting him. and i also think i was a rebound for him as he still was not over his ex when he proposed to me. how do i get him back?

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 10, 2016 at 6:40 am

   Hi Ash199,

   The thing is, is he back with his ex because if not, you have to take things slow first instead of going back to him if you really don’t trust him. This will all just repeat when you get comfortable with each again.

18. 

    ANN

    April 8, 2016 at 7:16 pm

    My Ex broke up with me two weeks ago. I am 3-4 years older than my ex. He is 20. We’ve been together for a year. There were no fights that led up to this breakup. I felt totally blindsided and we both have made changes to ourselves to be together. I thought things were going good. He told me that he didn’t feel the same about me anymore and he was the one who changed, not me. Since then we have seen each other twice, both times were initiated by me, I simply texted him that I wanted my stuff back and vice versa. We met the first time for about 5 mins and he acted like nothing was wrong, smiling, touching my face etc… The second time I was very emotional because I thought I was pregnant and told him about it. He said to tell him when I was sure about the results, so that we knew what to do. I went home that night in tears because I didn’t know what to do It turns out that it was a false positive. Since then I haven’t contacted him, he has not either. I can see that he has been talking to someone new, he has met her once and has been talking to her every single day. That the girl is his new focus now to get over me. I feel like he’s moved on for good. He has not reached out to me for about two weeks now. He hasn’t ask about whether I’m pregnant or not or how I’m dealing with it. It just makes me feel so hurt. I don’t know what changed. Please help, I don’t know what I should do.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 9, 2016 at 9:23 am

   Hi Ann,
   For me you should move on but if you to try.. do active nc first.. instead of being sad, go out and have a new life, make yourself emotionally stronger before trying to talk to him again..reflect before making any move

19. 

    Edgar

    April 8, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    Two weeks NC. She’s messaged me twice during that time, but I didn’t reply. She then emailed me yesterday to ask how I’m doing. I waited about 12 hours before simply replying “Fine, you?”. She replied saying that she’s sorry for how she handled things, hopes I’m happy, and just wanted to know if I’m ok. I’m not sure how to respond to this, or if I should. Should I just continue with NO CONTACT? Thanks.

1. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 9, 2016 at 8:44 am

   Hi Edgar,

   reply..maybe she wants to say something more

20. 

    Shelly

    April 8, 2016 at 5:32 am

    Hi there,

    I only dated my ex for about 3 months however we seemed to move a bit fast. Both said I love you and spent a lot of time together. He started to be a bit more distant the last couple weeks of our relationship then one day I caught him trying to hide a text from me. He claims it was a just friend whom is a girl who would send some flirty texts occasionally but didn’t want me to see as I’d get upset. Given that I’ve been known to have quite the jealous streak. Is this substantial evidence that he was ‘cheating’?

    Anyway, you know where this is going… I lost all trust. Things went down hill and he broke up with me. I’m on day 7 in NC and struggling a bit. He’s text me a few times asking if I’m OK. The final text was ‘I guess you blocked me’ because I haven’t replied. Should I keep going on with NC and not reply or do I text to tell him he’s not blocked but that I need time? Side note, I did send one last email (before NC) after a big blow out and I apologized for losing my cool but wished him the best of luck.

    Appreciate your guidance!

1. 

   Shelly

   April 15, 2016 at 4:32 am

   Ugh.. I broke NC after Day 12.. Should have listened to you but I was so afraid that he thought I blocked him and would be upset. So he then proceeds to tell me that he just started talking to someone else since he didn’t hear from me. I became a gnat which resulted in him blocking my texts! My last email (where I’m not blocked) simply stated that I no longer think our interaction is healthy so we need to stop communciating. Is he playing games with me? Did I totally mess things up??

2. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 18, 2016 at 2:10 am

   If you feel it’s time to move on.. that it is.. because all of this just depends on whether you want to try or not.

3. 

   EBR Team Member: Amor

   April 9, 2016 at 6:58 am

   Hi Shelly,

   if he apologizes and wants to talk to you to work things out, it’s ok to break it.. but if it’s just like that nope..