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Ellishia
April 8, 2016 at 1:32 am
Hi! I’m in a sort of weird situation and I don’t know what to do of it.
We broke up almost three months ago. Our relationship span for 10 months but we’ve been hanging out frequently even before. He said that he’s not ready for commitment and afraid that he will just hurt me further. Not even a week later, he’s been hanging out with another whom he’s been consistently talking to a month beforw we broke up.
Before and after the breakup, he always tells me that she’s nothing and that he just likes talking to her because she’s really fun. I get why he was so drawn to her, our relationship has been really hard for a few months. I tried nc quite a few times but always broke it. We were sort of friends and also having sex. Bit he always telling me that I’m important and that he doesn’t want me gone.
A month after the breakup he confessed that he had sex with her in december when they first met in a drinking session. That totally broke me because that was not the first time he cheated; the first one was an emotional cheating. And thag december was during the time that I was extremely busy.
3 weeks ago this girl “broke it off” with him because she felt that she’s not supposed to be there. And stop contacting him since then. A week ago he told me that he misses her so much. That he’s really happy when he’s with her. And that all his problems seem to go away when he’s with her. How much he wanted to talk to her and hug her. How much he likes having sex with her. I do know for a fact that it’s not as fulfilling as he says because if so, he won’t always be crying to me how he doesn’t know what to do with himself anymore, how he’s messing up his life right now and how lost he feels.
He says that he plans to chase her and he couldn’t bear for her to be gone in his life. I felt like for a second my heart stop beating there. I asked him if he was to rate his feelings for both of us who will be higher, he picked her. And from then, I’ve stopped talking to him.
I’m on my fifth day of nc right now. But what I’m afraid is apparently this girl is also implementing nc on him, though I think there is some sort of communication between them but not as consistent as he would like. Frankly, I don’t want to know. He did contact me yesterday, texted me if we could talk and called me numerous times. I didn’t respond to any.
Do I still have a chance if both the girl and I are implementing nc at the same time? It feels like a competition and I hate it.
I really want him to miss me. I miss him and it hurts to think that he’s thinking of a different girl at this moment when I always think of him. I’m still processing my feelings though; a part of me doesn’t want him back and a part of me does.
But I want to know what are my chances and what should I do? Please help. Thank you very much!
Ellishia
April 28, 2016 at 8:02 am
Hi Amor. I’m doing no contact again.
The past two weeks with him was really fun and truthfully I was happy. We finished the draft of his thesis and just waiting for the results of his experiment. However, I’m still hurting and I know for a fact that being with him is not going to heal me. Therefore, I talked to him yesterday and told him I was leaving. It was a long convo actually because I opened up the topic of what we’re exactly doing and things about the other girl because I know that they’re still in communication. He answered them though now I’m not sure whether his telling the truth or not. He also mentioned that he thinks that there’s a chance of us to get back together if we continue the current setup but not now. But I was decided that I really need this space for myself. So I continue on.
Then last night, I found out that he went to watch a movie with a girl then afterwards they went out for a drink, one bucket. So they were both drunk and she slept over at his place which he shared with some people. And should I also mention that I was sleeping at the past weeks.
He knew that I knew. So I confronted him earlier this day, somewhag like ambushing him when he and the girl were going for lunch. I was really mad and feeling so disrespected. One moment he was telling me that there’s nothing wrong in taking the risk for the possibility of us being back and how he was really affectionate with his last hug and kiss then just hours after he’s getting drunk and sleeping together with this girl.
Through the confrontation I found out that the girl is going to be back in his life. I asked him if he was going to court her now, he said that he doesn’t feel like it yet again but probably though not full effort and it’s going to take a long time. I also found out that he never missed me because one way or another I was always there.
He gave me time to calm my anger and during parting, I told him I am going to take care of myself, that I was happy when we were together and for the two weeks, even if our relationship was fucked up that I still hope he doesn’t regret me, and some more teary messages. The mood changed, he was pissed and doesn’t want me touching him. Which I did, because I really think it was because he was being closed off. So I touched him thinking that it would help him. And we struggled. He was at the point that he was begging for me not to touch him. I left then because he was already saying for me to leave. My leaving seems like something permanent, but did hint that we could be friends or maybe be back together in the far future.
I’m sorry for the long post. What I want to ask after the long story is that is there still a chance for us to be together after the current events? Will my no contact have an effect on him when I told him about my leaving?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 7:44 am
yes, you are allowed to break nc, if let’s say he texts 10 positive texts that day even if you’re not replying.. and with your chances.. try nc first.. do it first because as he said, he didn’t miss you because you were always present.. make him miss you..make it seem like you’re moving on.
Ellishia
April 15, 2016 at 7:34 am
I guess that’s the plan now. But I do have question though, what will be the condition for me to start no contact again? He says that he’s asking for my help as a friend, but his actions are not something one would do to a friend. It confuses me. Thank you so much for entertaining my questions! It’a really really great help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 2:21 am
it depends, if he’s not really clear and you’re leaning more on being friendzoned, then you can try no contact again.
Ellishia
April 14, 2016 at 1:54 am
Hi. So we talked and I don’t know what’s happening anymore. There’s communication between us right now and I’m sleeping over at his place sometimes because I’m helping him with his thesis like before. Yes, we had sex. He also sometimes acts like a boyfriend when it’s the two of us and teases me by calling me by the pet name we used to call each other. We don’t hold each other’s hands like anything though. And I try not to hug him or get too touchy feely with him, just the same amount I give to everyone or probably even less.
I don’t know what to think of it. But this whole situation is giving me the impression that he’s just acting this way with me because the other girl is not entertaining him anymore. And that he’s just using me to fill in her place and it hurts because I’m the ex and now I’m filling in her place when before she was filling in my place. What should I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 11:26 am
don’t have sex again.. be kind but don’t let him use you as a replacement.. if you really want him to value you, value yourself first.. I know it hurts but it’s better to lose him than lose yourself
Ellishia
April 10, 2016 at 3:11 pm
So I’m allowed to break nc? How should I approach it? I just texted him why he wanted to talk to me yesterday.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 7:06 am
because it looks like he wanted to work things out.
Ellishia
April 9, 2016 at 11:23 pm
So does that mean that I still have a chance of getting him back?
And also he kept calling the whole day yesterday and texted me, “I really want to talk to you.” I didn’t reply or answer any of it though. But do you think I should? It really makes me curious what he wants to talk about.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2016 at 10:41 am
Yes. answer that and talk to him..
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 6:51 am
Hi Ellishia,
he might miss you if you stick to not contact bit don’t take him back right away.. if he wants, let him that it’s not just because he misses you.. let him work for it
Jessica
April 7, 2016 at 9:49 pm
Hello,
So my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me a week and a half ago now because he wasn’t sure he saw us getting married and wanted to figure out what he wants. He said it was eating him up that he couldn’t look at me and say I want to marry you with 100% certainity. Over the week I talked to him every couple days – mostly because it was so out of the blue and I wanted answers. We did talk a lot about feelings and he said he still needs time and to clear his head. I just found this page and am wondering if it is took late to go no contact? I deleted messages and made it so he can only see my public profile, and now that I have my answers I plan on going 100% no contact. But is it too late now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 5:25 am
Hi Jessica,
nope, it’s not too late 🙂
Kassandra
April 6, 2016 at 8:04 pm
PLEASE answer my question ASAP, I don’t know the right thing to decide and I only have 5 days left!
Hey There Chris,
I just sent you a voice-recorded question on your site, but I didn’t know where I’ll get my response because I need it as soon as possible, so I’m sorry if you heard this question before. Firstly I want to thank you a lot for your e-mails and your team, I’ll make sure to follow your plan accurately. I’m currently working on improving myself mentally and physically.
Before I went into No Contact, I asked my ex to come to my city next weekend, since he lives in a different place but visits his family here too often. He knew I was gonna do something for his birthday and strictly told me not to. My question is, should I break no contact to wish him a happy birthday? I’m currently on day 9 of NC, and his birthday falls on day 14 of No Contact. Oh and he’s not the type of guy that gets a lot of birthday wishes, I’ve never before neglected his birthday or any similar event, I don’t want him to feel that I don’t care about him, or that I’m being rude or playing games. So what should I do?
Please help me before his birthday comes, Thank you so much in advance!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 7:10 pm
Hi Kassandra,
nope.. because you’re still in no contact..
Kt
April 6, 2016 at 4:40 pm
Hi
It’s day 20 of NC for me and my ex has reached out via text several times. Wishing me a happy Easter things of that nature.
Today he texted wanna get lunch?
I’m wondering what to do? Should I break no contact ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 6:41 pm
Hi Kt,
if it’s a series of postive texts in a day you can break it..
Oberon
April 6, 2016 at 4:01 pm
So I’ve implemented NC *fully*, whereas before I was responding to texts about the kids (not his) and letting him borrow the dog. I’ve blocked his number and blocked him on FB too because frankly I was getting anxious every time I saw his name on my phone. I’m on Day 2 now.
He knows I’ve blocked him because he contacted a friend saying he was upset I did that. Does the NC rule still work as well when they know you’ve blocked them and won’t be responding? I’ll unblock him after the 30 days and start the process via text.
Oberon
April 9, 2016 at 12:08 pm
I’ve unblocked him in FB, but he never really used it much so I don’t know if he’ll bother looking at my profile. If he does he’ll see lots of positives and a picture of me and a guy who asked me on a date.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 6:39 pm
hmmm.. sometimes it does, coz he still doesn’t know until when you would block him..the downside is he won’t see your change immediately
Lizzy
April 6, 2016 at 10:59 am
I’m in the middle of no contact ( day 16), after a huge argument where I told my ex we couldn’t be friends he blocked me on everything. However, since then he has contacted me twice with rude messages about my social media accounts, which I have not responded to. These messages are accusing me of directing posts at him and were sent a week apart, both i consider to be a bit nasty.
Just btw, I haven’t actually posted a single thing about him, I’ve been using the no contact time to get myself together, do fun things and put myself in a position where I do not need him in my life. I don’t really know why he’s contacting me, and thought maybe it’s just an excuse to try and get attention after I refused to be in his life as a friend?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 12:39 pm
Hi Lizzy,
yeah, it can his way of trying to make you reply..that’s good that you didn’t
Charlie
April 6, 2016 at 12:17 am
Hi there,
I’m 21 and my now Ex girlfriend is 18, we’ve been living together for 2 years. She ended it with me, because she felt unhappy (doesn’t know why) and says she doesn’t want a relationship. She’s been struggling for work for months and I reckon that’s why she’s unhappy, but in the meantime I had been catering for her, making sure she got what ever she wanted, this included paying the rent. (she’s quite clingy, struggles on her on.) I didn’t mind this cos at the end of the day I was just caring for her.
So, a day after moving out, I go back to get the rest of my stuff, cut the long story short, they was a bloke in the bed.. I went mad obviously. She said they never had sex, they just had a cuddle and kiss. Because she needed the support for splitting up with me. (some how I believe her)
Few days after, I told her I’m going, goodbye. In the hope she sorts herself out within NC.
Basically, do you think I stand much hope getting my girl back?
Charlie
April 10, 2016 at 8:32 pm
A few days had passed and I saw her, we talked. A couple times she laughed, plus she complimented me on how I looked, I didn’t mention about the bloke in the bed situation. Then, I asked her, do you want me to let you go? She couldn’t awnser the question. She broke down (mixed emotions). She was begging me to keep in touch with her, not to avoid her. We cuddled and I left her holding eachothers hands and both crying our eyes out…
Would you say this is the perfect time to do a no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 11:51 am
Try just a week first.. if she doesn’t contact you to get back, make it 21 days…
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 10:51 am
Right now, after that, everything needs to settle down again first..your anger, her guilt.. if you can talk calmly that’s better
Bonita
April 5, 2016 at 10:27 pm
Hi. Amor & team. I am in a complicated position and think it’s probably too late for me to do No Contact. January 2016 my live in boyfriend broke up with me. We had a fight where I told him I don’t feel comfortable looking into purchasing a house (we were renting) later this year if we weren’t married. He agrees & stated he wouldn’t like it as well and nothing has gotten better with the relationship (which I was shocked to hear because I thought we were okay). I excused myself from the situation and a couple days later when I calmed down and tried to talk he was talking to me like in past tense that he “DID love me or he “WAS in love with me and was done.” Of course I was emotional and asked him if he really wanted this, he changed his answer to he has to think about. He also over the course of the next day or 2 told me what he had issues with (i.e. need to cook more, organization, stop being too dominant) so for the next two weeks or so I worked on the issues had meals waiting for him etc. I kept asking at least once a week about the relationship & even begged once to stop playing and say we were together. He kept giving me the run around saying a part of him says yes and a part of him says no. One time he even told me, what would other people think. So I started backing off doing things for him, but we lived together and still talked about random things almost daily. On Feb 14th he brought up the fact that he “doesn’t feel comfortable living with his EX & wants to move out” I remained calm and told him if he wanted to leave i can’t stopped him. Around this time I found out he was talking and going on dates with another girl. I confronted him about it he didn’t deny it, and on social media started liking her status & pictures, and vice versa she liking his stuff. About a week later I found this site and tried implementation of no contact and trying to be a friendly roommate. After not seeing any progress I caved & asked him to write me a letter for closure, & he did. This letter talked about how selfish I was and that he felt I never had time for him, & never try to make time. Then parts of the letter was like there’s something he saw in me that he cannot ignore and that the living situation puts him on edge, that he hates how this got this way, but he will always love me, & he’s sorry for everything. He mentioned he will be moving out by the end of March. I did respond back apologizing & stated i hope one day he can forgive me. Whenever we saw let each other after that he still didn’t bring up the letters or relationship. We barely said hi & bye to each other. One day when I asked about bill money conversation went sour and he asked me questions like if I was excited about his move, & am i happy to move on. I told him I was exhausted and let’s talk about this another day. He said we will talk about it the next time he sees me, but he never brought it up. He completely moved out on April 2nd. Before he left he asked me if he left anything to “put it in a box,” but that’s it no further instructions such as to text it or mail it. He also asked me for a hug before I left for a few hours to allow alone time for him to move his stuff out. Funny thing is he did leave some items but I don’t know if I should contact him now, or do 30 days again, or if it’s all around too late! We’ve broken up once or twice before, but we’ve been together about 6 years rounded together. He’s my best friend, & I’ve seen what I did wrong & have been working on myself even though I doubt he fully see his flaws yet. Should I start a full on 30 day, 45 day, etc & if so what about the few personal things he left behind? Help.
Bonita
April 8, 2016 at 5:05 pm
Thank you Amor! Right now do you believe my chances are slim with winning him back? & is 30 day long enough for me to get myself together or 45 days? He’s my best friend I’m not ready to completely lose him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 8:49 am
you’re welcome..it depends on you..be proactive so that it can only take 30 days for you to feel better
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 10:27 am
Hi Bonita,
COntact him about the things so, he can pick it up.. Actually it’s not really an on off relationship because your last break up was 2 years ago.. I think he’s in the Grass is greener syndrome and sees the other girl better.. You can still try no contact for yourself.. Try to focus more on you and heal this time, improve yourself and try not to think about him much during nc..
Jen
April 5, 2016 at 1:46 pm
Hi,
About a month ago my boyfriend of three months broke up with me because he was dealing with some issues at work and said he needed to deal with them while being alone. I’ve been doing No Contact and am approaching the end of my 30 days. Our two companies have a joint sports tournament next week and we are both signed up to play the same sport so I know I’ll be seeing him. I have two questions. The first is whether its a bad sign that he hasn’t reached out over the past month. The second is how I should approach the fact that I will probably see him at this sports event. Should I send my first contact text before the event? Or wait until after?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 5:22 am
Hi Jen,
we’re nor sure yet why he didn’t reach out, so focus on looking your best for the event.. It’s better if you message him after
sarv
April 5, 2016 at 12:59 pm
Hi there, Actually I left a comment at a post once and I just lost track of it 😀 so here I wanna briefly ask something.. the thing is my bf broke up with me over text msg exactly 20 days ago. I literally did not react in any negative way, I just asked him to have a quik talk about certain issues, mentioning that I just accepted the break up.. he is 22 I am 32! sounds crazy 😀 anyways.. he is hanging out with one of our mutual girl friends which happens to be his best friend, I haven’t detect any infidelity issues between them, but our beak up happened within the time they were none stop hanging out (She is 33 btw!!) and they are classmates.. so now it is as if he replaced me with her but in a none intimate way. and I am wondering (since I know his biggest issue with me was he lost attraction, and I admit that), If I am a person who is handling the No contact period (going to gym, studying, having some! fun and looking healthy and normal), then how can I pass this girl to communicate my ex! because I have a feeling that she even some how encouraged him to break up with me, and she is supporting the idea of us not being together!!! even he now is staying in her house (she has a roommate which is my best friend), and I am stying in our house, which I need to move out this week cuz I want to… It feels very complicated! this girl.. I feel like she is all over the situation and trying to handle his issues! can you give me a hint??
sarv
April 13, 2016 at 11:40 am
Hi again 🙂
I planned and made up my mind.. I am leaving this place totally, I am going home.. I figured this situation is so twisted and my bf is not mature enough.. I am planning to visit him to say goodbye cuz we literally broke up on total silent..I know he still loves me, but If I leave in silence I will not be able to cope with the fact that we are over.. I think there is a long time ahead of both of use.. I am thinking of moving on, since the sooner that I will be able to see him will be in almost three months, I will give hi time and space t do whatever he wanna do with that girl and his life, Although I am rally concerned about his situation.. but as much as I love him there is nothing to do for me here.. Time heals. we may end up being friends, lovers or nothing who knows.. I believe things happen for good 🙂 thanks for your helps though and good luck with your website, I found it so helpful
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 6:18 am
Thank you sarv! We hope the best for you too!
sarv
April 11, 2016 at 8:07 am
Hi again
thanks for the reply!
So literally I heard she finally slept with my ex! and then they both started acting so weirdly, not talking to her roommate anymore (since she cut that girl coming out of my ex’s room).. within my guts, the feeling is that since she was trusted from my and my bf’s side, she knew a lot about our relationship.. and I had guessed that she jut jumped in between us when we were facing some problems.. she insisted that she is just a friend bloblo.. then she just felt like she could wrap my bf around her finger and take him away!! the thing is we are totally different girls and I feel like every time I see him by chance( we live in a small society), he doesn’t look ok!! since I happened to know about them sleeping together, I literally did not react at all.. although I was broken to pieces! but kept quiet and act normal.. but seriousely, I believe she is dangerous.. I still loved my bf when he decided to break up with me.. and he did as well!! I donno what to do more than keeping quiet!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 2:16 pm
If he realky is sad, he’s adult enough to decide if he wants to stay or leave..
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 5:11 am
Hi Sarv,
yeah I remember you.. You can’t control her..so the only thing you can do is to show that whatever negative she’s saying is not true.. post your activities but don’t caption it anything relating to him or the breakup.. Just show that you’re happy and let her be the negative one
Hanna
April 4, 2016 at 6:19 pm
Hi EBR team, I left a comment on like March 23rd or 22nd and never received any reply, and now I can’t even see it on here anymore. It was way too long to retype, do you have a way of seeing finding it with my email address? Because I could still really use advice! lol thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 7:30 am
Hi Hanna,
yes I did filter.. here was my reply.. I don’t know if it doesn’t appear on your end but I’m going to paste it here, if you have other questions just ask 🙂
HI Freaking confused,
As long as you didn’t tell him how long the no contact is, that’s fine. Are you in no contact now?
syeda
April 4, 2016 at 4:47 pm
Hi,
I hope you are well. My bf of 8 years decided a week ago to end it. His been quite depressed/ having episodes of very low mood. We met up the night before things were good we were fine and normal. I have had a lot go on I’ve lost someone very close in my family & his been my rock through the loss. I have also had a lot of other things go on and I started to disconnect from the relationship. I wasn’t being intimate with him as I used to. He stated a few weeks ago when I kiss him I don’t do it anymore properly he also mentioned how when we do anything I’m not in the mood and it’s rushed as in like a one night stand. But I have had so much go on. He also told me recently he got sexually abused as a child he has never opened up about this to anyone. I was in so much shock and I think I reacted in a very bad way. We both have had quite a lot on our plates. I know his going through phases of low and high moods but he doesn’t like to talk about it. But as I mentioned we met up the night before and things were getting better at home I went to kiss him and I did so with passion. After we got home he asked me if I kissed him like that because of what he said and tbh I didn’t even do it because of that it didn’t even cross my mind.
Anyways while we was texting he sent me this code: __ ____ ___ _____ ____ __
He said he wanted to feel like he told me but he never said what it was. A year ago he had some form of a code with a female friend and I questioned him about it that night just randomly as that message of his brought back that memory. But he said it was nothing. Randomly he said he was fed up. When me and him text we always put a smiley face at the end of each message and he was like I don’t know why I smile when I ain’t even happy.
Then the next morning I woke up we greeted each other with good morning 🙂 as we always do. Then an hour later he message me to say he don’t want to be with me. I asked if there was any reason he said no so that’s it.
I have been left hanging. I don’t know if his depression is talking or if his fed up of me.
We were talking about getting married this year however I did seem a bit anti marriage but this was only because I was so scared of getting married. Its not that i dont want to marry him. Whereas he wants marriage and kids. He even wanted me to meet his sisters. He was going on about marriage a few days before the break up. Then he did that. I don’t know what to do. It’s breaking me each day. I know how stubborn he is. If his done it out of anger he won’t go back on it. Even if he wants me back he won’t give in to himself his such a stubborn person. I don’t know if it’s his depression talking I don’t know why.
Also his mates have been influencing him to sleep around as I wasnt keepin up with his needs. But I have had so much going on.
Please help me. I’m trying to do the no contact period but it’s killing me. As I don’t know if this is what he genuinely wants or if his angry. I dont want him to move on and forget me. Also after the break up he blocked me straight away on whatsapp. But he was following me on snapchat and i posted a picture of me doing well and straight after he saw that he deleted me off there as well. :/
I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks
syeda
April 5, 2016 at 10:06 pm
So this evening he emailed me. He told me he broke up with me because his at the lowest point in his life and he said his started drinking. He knows I feel really strongly about drugs and alcohol and he said the reason why he ended it was because he was going to start drinking which he did from that day. He seems depressed. At the start of the conversation he told me he missed me but when i said it back he didnt respond. he talked about how depressed and low he was and thought about self harm, i told him I will always be there for him. Half way through he said he dont want me to think that he wants us to get back together, he also said i dont need to speak to him if i cant move on. But knowing his that low and the thought somethng so good between us is getting thrown away due to depression kills me. He just spoke about his emotions and cut the conversation off and said contact me in a week or two as he dont want it to feel like we are together as in always talking. What do I do? I am so confused because I really want to be there for him. But I dont want to push our relationship on to him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 10:09 am
IF after you told him you’ll always be there for him and he didn’t want it then you have to give him space.. check on him from time to time if you want, but only him can really himself
syeda
April 5, 2016 at 7:39 am
Thanks for your reply. No we did not get around to talking about it as he just shut me out of his like as it cut all contact and blocked me. I know if I contacted him straight after what he decided he would have found me needy and would have rejected me more. It has been a week now. I was unsure if I should contact him or contact him after the 30 days as suggested in the no contact rule. My mates have told me to contact him once its been 2 weeks to see why.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 10:52 am
Hmm, it’s better if you do it after nc if he doesn’t initiate.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 6:05 am
Hi Syeda,
have you tried talking about all of this before nc?
Mary
April 3, 2016 at 10:45 pm
Hi there,
My question is kind of long winded and complicated, because the situation is a bit complicated since me and my ex-bf worked together recently. He broke up with me about 3 weeks ago saying that he maybe just needed space but didn’t think it was working out. At first I was really crazy, calling and going over uninvited etc. It made matters much worse. After a couple of days I decided to implement no contact so that I could recover. He started reaching out about “work” and sending many e mails to me and my co workers that seemed a little bit besides the point or unnecessary. He also sent me a personal e-mail about a book he was reading and how it reminded him of me, and to forgive him if I didn’t want to hear from him. I didn’t respond to that but responded to one of the work emails very professionally, but asking for some written documents that are mine and I need for portfolio. He said he would only give them to me if I met up with him in person, which I saw no need for, and at first said I didn’t want to. Finally I met with him after a couple days and he explained to me that they are the property of the company and he will give them to me for portfolio under certain conditions. I said fine. Then he seemed like he just wanted to talk and hang out. I agreed that it was better we weren’t together and said I had something lined up so I could leave quickly. He said he would mail me the documents. He never did, and I reached out a couple days later and he said he wouldn’t mail them because he doesn’t want me to get work from the work we did together, or show them to other men who I might work with and date. (???) He said he was furious with me and will only let me show them in a portfolio if it’s for something specific that I tell him about and he was very angry because he perceived me as being free to go off and do whatever I want now that we are not together. It makes no sense for me not to have my writings because all our other co-workers have theirs from this piece, which I said, but he said he wouldnt talk about it anymore. I thought- oh he is acting crazy and jealous so I will take this opportunity to tell him how much I actually miss him and invite him to hang out- that totally backfired as he called me and said “what is your motive are you trying to get back together? i dont want that at all. i dont want to be dating you” I made the mistake of saying how much I wanted to be dating him etc. And instantly when he realized I was actually missing him and wanting him i lost all my ground. i e-mailed him again today saying “i’m sorry i was trying to meet up, i agree it is good that we are not together and understand the need for space”. I also asked for a specific document, the most important one, so hopefully he will give it to me.
My question is, after no contact working, but then me getting back in contact too soon, and saying i missed him etc, do you think it is possible for it to work again if I start over? Is there any chance it could work seeing as I caved SO much, and said all the wrong things?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 2:02 pm
there is as long as you do it right..Make it seen that you’re moving on and then take it slow after that nc again
Cortney
April 3, 2016 at 5:44 pm
This is a long jumbled story but here goes. I met and started dating my now ex in Oct 04. About a year and a half later he put me in a dangerous situation and I left but he stayed so I broke up with him. A few months later we were randomly on the same bus that ended up getting in an accident and we watched a man die on the side of the road. Needless to say we got back together and in January of 07 we moved into an apartment together. Everything was pretty smooth until last summer when while out driving with his mom her and I got in an argument and I was yelling at her. The boyfriend went days without talking to me then said he wouldn’t talk to me til I apologized to his mom. I knew I needed to apologize but wanted to do it on my terms not because he was forcing me to. Well he left to her house and although we were in contact I didn’t see him for 20 days when he randomly walked through the door. He didn’t come home to stay until a week later when I went on vacation and didn’t want to leave the place vacant. I came home and things were going great, I was going to counseling for communication issues. The ex eventually joined me for a few sessions too but then the holidays came up and life happened so we slipped and didn’t keep up with counseling.. Last month (February) was very stressful, we both got sick with the flu, he started a new school program, I tore tendons in my ankle, the list goes on. There then was a week or so where he started to tell these stupid lies and I kept catching him in them. So there were days where we were barely talking and I just got fed up and said you have to apologize so we can move on. He just shouted Im sorry what more do you want and walked out the door. Certainly not the apology I thought I deserved and not at all like the apology him and his mom got from me but whatever. He came home and went in the room, the door had always been unlocked the days previously when we weren’t talking so when I tried to go in there a few hours later to talk and found it locked I was confused and started knocking and when he didn’t answer and then started yelling at me I was furious! Why was he hiding from me then starting another fight when I thought we just got over the other issue and I was trying to forgive him and make up? So I pretty much blew up and he went to his moms again. A few days later he called and said he was coming to get his stuff… He never showed. A few more days later he came over said he was taking some things but never did because we ended up hanging out like it was a normal day so I ask are you coming home? His reply was I don’t know, Im thinking. This went on for a couple weeks where he was coming over, getting along and wouldn’t stay or give me an answer so we went to counseling where the counselor suggested I have an anger management issue, which now I totally realize, accept and Im trying to work on. At the next appointment the ex basically said he wants to be alone, always wanted to be alone in the first place and pretty much had the counselor break up with me for him after that but says he wants to be friends. So now his stuff is moved out, he isn’t alone because he is going between two crowded houses of his moms or uncles and Im searching for a roommate. Yesterday though he comes over and we are getting along fine and for the first time he showed actual emotion by starting to cry but again said he wants to be friends. This morning he texted me from work talking about what he had for breakfast but I didn’t answer because I want to start the no contact rules in hopes of reconciliation and getting back together eventually. Is there hope for us working out?? Any advice??
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 7:48 am
yes, start with no contact because it seems like yiu really need a fresh start each other
Shai
April 3, 2016 at 12:42 am
Hi Chris! I believe that all of the people here are all adults.
So, here’s the thing… Speaking of men’s body language, what does it mean when your boyfriend always stares at you? He would stare at me even during intercourse and would turn his stare away when he realizes that I noticed it!
And so I am also here because I am trying to win him back, we’ve been together only for almost 3 month and go separated for 14 days now and the last time we had an intercourse he was (again) staring at me but this time he didn’t stare away and said “i love you” and I paused for a bit before I said “i love you” back and he hugged me strongly. Does this mean he truly loved me?
We are on a LDR thing but he would come see me once a week since the place he is working for is only 5 hours away from me.
This XBF was a total player 10 years ago, I know it because we used to be friends and he tried to dated me ten years ago but it didn’t work out for me cause I was too young back then and he moved to Singapore for a better job opportunity. Now, we see each other again in December 2015 and decided to go on with it cause I have a “Fairy Tale Syndrome” – i was thinking that it could be that we are destined to be together but the thing is – – there is another guy in the picture. So I ended up having a boyfriend and another guy I am also dating, I cheated on my boyfriend because of this other guy during our first week but my boyfriend found out about it only 13 days ago from today, my boyfriend asked for space but would never break up with me too. Currently, my boyfriend has a new girlfriend for 10 days now. I tried the NO CONTACT but he still calls and texts me and I couldn’t avoid answering, the problem is – he would be the one to contact me first but he wouldn’t reply when I answer. He would only often ask “Where are you?” “What are you doing?” “Where do you stay now?” “Are you still contacting the other guy?” those were his questions and nothing else. And so…I re-started the 30 day NO CONTACT.
Do I really need t answer his calls and texts during the 30 day NO CONTACT or just avoid him completely for the next 30 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 8:04 am
Try to talk about it.. it looks he might be open for it.. if not, continue with no contact.. then din’t answer him unless he sends 10 positive texts that day or says he sincerely wants to work it out
LIEZL
April 2, 2016 at 4:03 am
HI,
MY bf of 5 years and a half and I broke up because he cheated on me, then we got back because he proposed. we were doing ok until he saw messages on phone with a male friend of mine who likes me. the guy is just a friend online we met once but thats all a he is from a very distant country. What my fiance saw were messages about this guy’s dreams and me sharing of my fantasies too. Thats it…no cyber sex or whatever . Now i am on my 3rd day of NC but he asked if i can collect my clothes in his apartment. i stay with him on weekends that why i have things there. should i respond or continue with the NC. please help.
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 4:52 am
Hi Liezl,
if you really need those things, you can get them..You wouldn’t be breaking nc unless you talked about feelings and your relationship
Lauren
March 31, 2016 at 10:06 pm
Hi im lauren and i got dumped today. Well technically my boyfriend asked to go on a break. I asked him to not lie to me and break up if thats what he wanted because a “break” is so often bs. Anyways I’m heartbroken. This person is my first love and said he needed a break because he didn’t want this right now. He said he truly cares about me and then he grabbed my hands, looked me in the eyes, and said”I want you to know i really do care about you you have my number you can talk to me anytime.” Should i try the NC thing? He really is dealing with stuff such as a close family friend passing away last week. I just don’t know how to handle it. I love him and we had such a happy wonderful relationship. Is there a chance to get back together?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 12:06 pm
Hi Lauren,
if he wants a break, then you should do nc to give him space
Sarah
March 31, 2016 at 6:48 am
I could really use your help with how to do the no-contact rule or ignore this. My boyfriend and I had been together for two years, and living together for more than a year. He had been very distant due to depression for months, and I have been supporting him through it and taking care of the house and him. Recently, I came home to him frantically crying and saying he had to break up with me because his therapist said so…but I said to him, hey, let’s work it out in a calm manner, and we seemed to be okay–not broken up. Within two weeks he was even more sad, and I caught him lying about small things. Concerned, I did something that I extremely oppose…I snooped on his Facebook. I found that he was talking about me in a horrible way, that I was mean, oppressive, a nag, etc. It blindsided me. I also found out that he had invited his exgf over to our apartment when I was out of town over Christmas. When I confronted him about this, he became SO angry from my snooping and left right then and there. I apologized profusely for it, but said that he was misleading me as well. That doesn’t seem to register, though…just that I was a “stalker.” He deleted me from Facebook within a day and packed a suitcase three days later. I have no idea about our apartment situation. His name is on the lease. He made it clear he wanted to be left alone, but I am confused as to what to do. How should I proceed?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 10:07 am
HI Sarah,
If you can, move out. If not do no contact.If he arrives just be politely distant with him.
mia
March 30, 2016 at 8:14 pm
Hi, thanks for all the information. I’ve just come back from the gym and wile i was there i realised that my ex was there also. This was unexpected as he told me previously that he would be there only after work so i thought it would be safe to carry on with my normal work out times. i pretended not to see him however he did see me as i caught him glancing back up to where i had been before he left. (i had moved out of sight) and he also knows that i will know he was there as my mum ran into him as they both wanted the same equipment. He broke up with me out of the blue and told me he was already seeing someone else within a week of breaking up at which point i started the NC. I am now on day 10. I did not initiate contact and carried on with my work out as if he didn’t exist. He also avoided contact and left the gym shortly afterwards unaware that i had noticed him. Do i now have to start over the NC period again?
I wont go into details but on another note he has depression and it often cause him to act in irrational and unpredictable ways and which although i can never know for sure i think its likely that it contributed to the break up as we never had any arguments or anything like that. it would be good to see a page on information for how to deal with a break up involving mental illness as it very much effects how he thinks and acts in everyday life and there is next to no information on it.
many thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 9:04 am
Hi Mia,
nope you don’t have to restart count.
Bow
March 30, 2016 at 11:02 am
Hey Amor ,
My boyfriend and I had an argument last sunday because I didn’t like how distant he was acting. We are in a long distance relation and it seems like he likes to play hot and cold. So the last text he sent me was just “Bye” and I didn’t talk to him since sunday because I wanted to try the no contact rule. But since Monday he tries to get my attention by liking my posts on facebook and screenshooting my snapshat story. This morning he just sent me a snapchat picture and of course I didn’t open it. Do you think I should keep the no contact rule ? I don’t want him to think I don’t care about him since the long distance is already hard enough and I sometimes feel like he wants to give up and stop making efforts.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 7:52 am
Hi Bow,
Have you replied to him now?