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6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. JC

    March 29, 2016 at 1:12 pm

    We are officially dating for 2 years and have a promise that after i passed my board exams, we will become officially a couple (because my parents still not want me to have a boyfriend but for us we are already a couple). It was our long held promise to each other. He would always tell me that he’s so sure of me and that he see his future in me. We only have one hole in our relationship and it is a lack of communication because he always have a hard time dealing with our problems and facing it. But I never thought he would give up this close because I will take my exam this coming May 1 and 2. Everything shattered, even my dreams. I was really devastated. it started when he started to be distant to me like not texting me or chatting to me that often. I thought he was just too busy and stressed from his work because that’s what our friends told me. So i tried to cope up with it but i don’t know that I’m unconsciously demanded him with his time and all. so problem by problem it got piled up until he decided to end things for good 🙁

    It happened before to us too. And tried to fixed it. 1 month after he broke up, we talked again but this time he ended it for real. When I said to him that it will never happen again anymore, he can’t put his trust anymore to it. he said if we will continue it we will just be hurtful for the both of us. Especially on my side. He told me that he is irritated to himself because he can’t reciprocate the love I’m giving to him. that he also had episodes that he still liked his ex (I also have talked to his ex about this stuff). I also don’t know if he is already liking someone new. the way we talked that time he was really hard to understand and doesn’t answer nicely and cant look straight at me. he hates himself that he always see me suffer and crying. he’s very sorry that he can’t grant his promise to me. he fell out of love. he felt restricted. he got tired.

    I admit that I had a lot of flaws in our relationship and that’s why I really tried to convince him not to just throw everything away and i will really fix what needs to be fixed in me. I desperately came to him but he still said no. he said he doesn’t want to continue anymore and that he will never go back anymore 🙁 when i asked him if he still have a fraction of love for me, he told me there’s none. when i asked him what are his plans now, he told me he wants to work and teach and have his Masteral studies.

    When a guy says he will never go back anymore, will he really never go back? Will the love will just fade? Will his love for me will never grow again?

    Is there any hope for him to go back? Even in years?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2016 at 3:33 am

      Hi JC,

      it depends but mostly that’s out of emotion. If he’s really serious he should have waited since it’s so near.

  2. Gemma

    March 28, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    Hello there, I hope you are well. I am sorry but I have never written a message like this before and online for others to read, I just feel lost. My boyfriend (had been my Fiancé for a year…due to get married in July this year) has said that he can’t be with me anymore. He broke up with my a week ago. I saw him yesterday and we spoke (and cried) about his feelings. Hi said ‘my heart isn’t in it anymore’; ‘it doesn’t feel right’; ‘ and read the readings and none fit’ and ‘I have a nagging feeling that won’t go away’. He also said: ‘he has given me his all and he has nothing left to give’. He says he does love and care for me, but not in the way he should. He is a Scientists and said he is struggling to find the answers but he knows the solution is to end the relationship. He is a man that once he has set his mind on something he doesn’t change it….that’s what I am most afraid of. We have been through so much in the relationship; two nervous breakdowns; Depression and Anxiety and social phobia (all on my side) and the death of my Father not long ago. The ironic thing is that I am so much stronger then I have ever been- I can actually say that I love myself and genuinely mean it! We are like chalk and cheese in some ways: I am emotional, sensitive, a people pleaser, art and crafty and very family orientated, and he is logical, practical and quite blunt, sporty and works on ‘evidence’….although he has a vulnerable, soft, caring side too!-he is a Teacher. We are living abroad at the moment and were due to go abroad again on our next adventure (after getting married). I don’t know what I am asking really. I think our relationship had a lot of lows (especially at the beginning with my first nervous breakdown), and past history with childhood trauma and abusive relationships. I want to be with him so much, but fear this is a hopeless case: he has given up on us. I don’t want to put him through pain or upset. I could, and would never, want to force him into anything he didn’t want- that would be horrible for both of us. I feel so lost, heartbroken, confused, hopeful and in shock. I guess I am also wondering if a man like this would ever change his mind; if not I suppose I need to ride out this hurt and disappointment….?

    I would really appreciate any advice you could give me.

    Thank- you so much 🙂

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2016 at 4:42 am

      HI Gemma,

      Have you talked things through again or you’re doing no contact now?

  3. Jayde

    March 28, 2016 at 12:23 pm

    I am still a student so I am thus unable to purchase the books via credit card. I really would like to get my ex back its been 2 weeks since we spoke he still wants to be friends though but his friends are wondering why am I so quiet. But now he texts me asking silly questions… not sure if he just wants to see if I am going to reply. Not sure what to do? Is there any way that I can get more advice on no contact rule and what to do via text messaging.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2016 at 4:33 am

      Hi Jayde,

      If you’re in no contact don’t reply unless he really says he wants to get back.

  4. Judy

    March 27, 2016 at 1:15 am

    Hello, my ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for 2 years and broke up about 6 months ago. Before you even begin reading this, just know this situation has been such a cRaZy, and emotional rollercoaster, and I have a couple of questions throughout!! I am a freshman in college and my ex is a senior in high school. We had a long distance relationship about an hour away, so therefore, we went to different schools, knew different people, and were basically behind closed doors for a week until we saw one another on the weekend. However, the fact that we talked on the phone 24/7, I was never concerned about what he was doing when I was not there, because I trusted him. I guess you can say we both became a little over protective and jealous easily, but it never really got in the way of our relationship, and like I said, I had trust in him. He broke up with me unfortunately in the beginning of college and it has been extremely hard for me to get over. After the break up, he started dating another girl in his class (said to be a distraction) and never gave me a valid reason as to why he broke it off with me (although we can all agree it is extremely obvious as to why) but he never claimed to have left me for this girl, he said “It just happened”. I know what you’re thinking “What bullshit” and trust me, I know…but like I said, he never claimed that to be the reason why, so I just quit harping on it….My mind has become so twisted, and I’ve been left with so many unanswered questions that are still unknown to this day, but I’ve been trying to keep my cool.. His friends still contact me as well, which confuses me, sometimes making it hard, yet comforting as well, because they are his friends.. But speaking of contacting, my ex and I have contacted each other (not every day) but on and off between the breakup and now. We both agree that it’s unhealthy for both of us, yet it is still so hard for me anyway. We met up twice during this whole situation, once around Thanksgiving, and once in the beginning of March. Around Thanksgiving, he was supposedly still with this girl, but I was not sure because I was blocked off of social media where I was unable to see any posts, and I do not follow this girl. Things ended up falling out between the two, and not lasting long for them at all (not thinking it would) so by the time March came, he had not been with her. So far, I have not talked to him in a week, hoping to keep the streak going. Our last conversation though did not end very well and it is really bothering me..I’m not sure if I’m thinking too much, or if I really should end on good terms before moving on. I wanted to apologize before starting the NC rule, but at the same time, I feel as though I am annoying him and pushing him away, or that contacting him, apologizing, is just not worth it. I also feel as though me contacting him will make me upset, and want to throw all of my feelings of anger and emotions out on the table, which is kind of how our last conversation went, I’m just so confused on what the right thing to do is..any tips of advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2016 at 3:27 am

      HI Judy,

      don’t talk to him if you’re too emotional because you’re right, it wouldn’t end good.

  5. Saz

    March 26, 2016 at 10:44 am

    Hi my boyfriend of 3 years said we need a break two weeks ago.we have had an on off relationship at times but always worked through it.we had been going really well and there have been two occasions since Christmas where I have slipped up and we have fallen out.this time he blocked me on whatsap a week later.he uses this as his main communication.since then he has been constantly messaging my daughter.he has a good relationship with her he isn’t her dad.i felt it was too much and emailed him to cut it back .he doesn’t agree with me and we had an argument via email.i feel he is just doing it to check up on me.and it’s difficult if I’m trying to do the nc rule.im starting again with no contact.but it’s a frustrating situation and I’d like some advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 2, 2016 at 3:06 pm

      HI Saz,

      Try to talk to your daughter so she knows what not to say and what to say. If she can, it’s better that she just doesn’t reply too.

  6. Jes

    March 25, 2016 at 5:26 am

    Hi, I’ve sent a question through the comments section 2 days ago but wasn’t sure if it was sent through, so just following up to check. Thanks!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 1, 2016 at 12:05 pm

      Hi,

      Sorry for the late rep. You’re no contact starts on the first date you stopped contacting him.

  7. Nina

    March 23, 2016 at 9:12 pm

    Hi so me and my bf broke up on Friday officially. We were togather for about an year. He said he wanted to be friends and that he doesn’t think we can be anything more again. And I implemented the no NC rule on Monday. However now he’s texted me a couple times and asked me why I’m not responding. Idk if I should continue to Use Nc and ignore him completely or if I should say something like I need space. Please help! Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 1, 2016 at 2:20 pm

      Hi Nina,

      if he’s not saying that he would like to talk to mend things, just ignore him..

  8. SC

    March 23, 2016 at 7:24 pm

    Hi Chris , thank you for the great website and all the advice! Great stuff but I’m gonna take the dare! I don’t think you have my situation listed!
    I won’t bore you with the details but just know my situation isn’t something I am proud of -here goes anyway.

    We met 8 years ago and were both married. His wife found out and they split about a year later. I Stayed with my husband mostly because of my son because I really loved my boyfriend and wasn’t in an intimate relationship with my husband anymore. Anyway here we are 7 years later and my boyfriend never really backed me into a wall to leave until about 6 months ago. He began dating other people and and said he was just tired of being alone. I know what you are thinking and you are right- good for him! Previously he had sat home on the weekends and waited around on me. ( we both travel for a living so we spent a lot of our week day nights together). There is a lot more to this story but I know your time is precious and won’t go into it. Anyway since he has started dating other people I have realized I had to make a move so I left my husband. Now my boyfriend is pissed and says I waited too late and I should have done it before . He said he doesn’t know what he wants but feels like it is too late for us. literally a month ago he was crying saying he hated dating other people and only loved and wanted me! He says the only reason he was dating was because he felt like I was never going to leave. I hoped that my leaving would show him that I really loved him and couldn’t stand being without him. He admitted that he has slept with this one girl a couple times and that he “could see himself with her”. That makes me wonder how real his feelings were a month ago. I just don’t know if I have waited too late….I am starting on day 5 of NC and haven’t heard from him other than he likes all my Facebook pics. He was my best friend ( he still says I am his too) so I feel that may be the only reason he is doing that. He is a great guy and I know he hates how much I am hurting. He loved me so much and treated me like a queen for all these years. I feel like such a fool to not move on sooner. So???? Have you had this one before????? I Really could use your wisdom. Do you think it’s too late to get him back? I am desperate.

    Sincerely

    Sc

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 1, 2016 at 1:54 pm

      HI Sc,

      sorry for the late reply.. I don’t understand. Why does he feel alone when he has you? Just because his wife left him at home?

  9. Jazzy

    March 23, 2016 at 11:06 am

    He blocked me last month on the 24th and I called him and texted him countless times (on the phone which I don’t think he blocked) for the next day or so asking him to let me know what happened. Then I didn’t contact him until the 5th. I called and texted him countless times on the phone again on the 5th and 6th, but he didn’t pick up or reply at all since the night of the 24th. So
    ever since that day I went NC. Today on the 23rd, he texted me saying he doesn’t know why after all this time he still misses me, and he thinks I must be very happy with this guy that I know. (The guy likes me, but I have told him we are only friends). When I checked on the app, he still has me blocked. I find this a little confusing and not sure what’s next. So did my NC period start 24th or on the 6th or 7th?
    Looking forward to hear from you. Thanks so much. (P.S: We’re long distance at the moment if that matters)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 1, 2016 at 12:06 pm

      Hi,

      Sorry for the late rep. You’re no contact starts on the first date you stopped contacting him.

  10. pumpu

    March 23, 2016 at 7:53 am

    i cant find my previous comment .. can u send me the link where i can find it.. ? also can i get suggestions through email?

    hey i found it but its awaiting moderation can u plz reply me

    1. pumpu

      June 2, 2016 at 9:48 am

      hi..
      i texted him from my friend’s facebook account. i told him everything that i feel about how he behaved with me what i wanted from him.. what he gave me.. i told him everything.. donno when he’ll read that msg, donno he’ll read or not but i said everything.. i asked not to come to my town and that i ll find someone better than him who values me…
      he knows only this friend of mine from this city and i blocked him from her account too… now i really wanna move on.. daily my feelings for him r changing.. daily i am crying and then wanting to meet other guys..
      damn its bad.
      i’m done.. i’m done trying to get him back…
      thanks a lot Amor.. i really wanna thank you for being there with me all this time and helping me… u were there when i hardly knew what to do .. i was scared to share about my situation to anybody.. thanku for being there…
      now i wanna get over him and move on… no matter what i ll never take him back…
      🙂 thanks a lot EBR team…
      you’re the best ..

    2. pumpu

      June 1, 2016 at 4:17 pm

      i tried talking to him and again he was showing temper at times… one of his friends proposed me and i sent the screenshots to him.. he got angry at me and said y cant i block his frnd if i can block him… i have not blocked his friend bcz i know i can stop talking to that guy without blocking but if its about my ex then i have to block him to control myself. my ex did not agree to this reason and said he has lost all trust on me… he is seeing everything in the worst perspective … unfortunately my parents took my phone from me bcz they caught me talking to him… bcz of the things that has happened.. my phone’s gone.. conversation ended in half … everything gone wrong 🙁 i felt that maybe he ll trust me when he calms down.. i know i am very young but i really love him a lot… whenever i feel i have moved on.. something happens and it makes me realize what he is for me…
      my friends says its addiction and obsession?? do u see symptoms of that?? if yes then plz do mention i would find a way out …
      i m really irritated the ways things r going on…
      btw the conversation ended in half… i ll get my mobile in 15-20 days after exams?? NC till 20 days is fine or i shud go for NC for a long period.

    3. pumpu

      May 31, 2016 at 4:22 pm

      its a long distance relationship now.. ( just to remind u)
      i have blocked him on facebook and if i give back my cell phone thn automatically he wont be able to talk to me in any way..

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 31, 2016 at 9:51 pm

      What if he’s acting this way to get back to you when you were angry to him after nc? You need a restart and after that, you have to avoid being angry to him most of the time because it’s going to start another cycle of being hot and cold with each other. If you’re going to do nc now, it’s better if you address the matter first with him. Explain calmly that you don’t want the two of you being like this and it’s not healthy. So, to heal,you need space in the mean time.. and then do nc.

    5. pumpu

      May 31, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      daily situations r changing between us… one day we r so sweet to each other and the other day we r super angry with each other… we couldnt talk that day and we r not together yet.. but still one day we talk about marriage and the other day we r abusing the feeling of “love” . its so bad .. situations r even changing with hours… 3 hrs we r good thn 5 hrs we r fighting. he even started to ignore my calls again.. he had earlier started to call me but now he has stopped that also…

      do u think i should start no contact again… i dont know what will be its effect on him but if i give my mobile to my parents till the exam they’ll be happy…
      my previous NC worked soooo welll.. whenever in anger if i called him idiot he used to get angry.. but after that NC if in anger i say any thing bad to him till any level he never showed any anger…
      but bcz i am treating him well he again started to get angry at me easily…
      do u think NC will work again????

    6. pumpu

      May 28, 2016 at 10:01 am

      spoke with him again…. he said he wants to talk to me about getting back together in a few hours as he is in colg… plzzzzz reply me soon… i know he hasnt changed totally… he hasnt totally regretted losing me and i am afraid he ll again take me for granted..
      also he has a lot of self control and can control calling me for as much time he wants and that makes me feel he doesnt love me…. he said today that he can control himself …. what if we get back together and he stops talking to me ??
      damn its a happy and confused moment,,,
      helpppppppppppppppppppppppppppp……..

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2016 at 6:31 am

      I think all of this is a kearning experience for you and the only way you would the lesson in it is to go through it..You’re young, the most important thing you have to learn right now is discipline and clarity with your priorities and standards.. we can tell you what to do but if you’re always emotional, it won’t do much help.. You can try to list down the reasons why you should focus more in your studies compared to him and read it from time to time..

    8. pumpu

      May 27, 2016 at 3:26 pm

      hi i want to ask u a few questions and i would love to get quite a detailed reply for all of them plz.
      i contacted my ex. he proposed me again 🙂 but we first decided to clear out things, he is still the same but alone in life… started taking drugs.. i asked him to stop taking drugs n he said he is addicted to it so cant stop. then after some time he said he wants me to change him… i love tattoos and piercings and he wants to get everythng removed.. but i love them so bad n i dont want to remove them…. overall the discussion was quite satisfying.. i told u i lied to him.. and he took it in a different angle.. i spoke to him and we ended up fighting and i abused him as much as i could for doubting on my love and it was strange that those abuses made him understand my love :D.. ok so he was confusing me if he ll be good or not so i said that the convo was a waste of time and we shud not think of getting back together and he was sad… today i spoke to him and he was super nice.. he said he loved me and we spoke for about 3 hrs continuous on phone call.. NOW COMES THE TURNING POINT.. everything was fine n he went out with a frnd for his colg project.. he asked me to call back later and i asked why.. he said “cll me later thats it”.. i am confused was he trying to show his frnd that he still has the upper hand or i m thinking a lot???
      i want to tell u one more thing.. i am just over satisying anybody’s ego or feelings i just want to be me and i want to be treated good.. he was worst and now i m tired of helping him out.. by his words i felt he needs me emotionally and mentally.. for a second i felt like becoming the old soft hearted me … but then i felt like why again.. n i felt that i dont wanna help anybody… help me plzzz….my 3 months wait for my ex is kinda finishing and i can control myself enough to give more imp to family friends and studies more than him..
      he also said that he feels insecure but Amor trust me i did everything to make him feel secured and loved but dont know y nothing is working on him… he said he was always rude coz he was never calm at heart when he thought of me… and the situation is still same..

      Amor i want one more help… i am having my exams in 15 days and i havent studied anything and his thoughts r bothering me so much that i m unable to study at all.. i am feeling guilty about my studies and at times i am making my mind to study n stop talking to him but i cant control myself for a long time… i surfed the internet for self control but everywhere its saying to keep myself buzy… its impossible to keep myself so buzy .. plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz give me a way out so that i can study…

      now all i pray to god is to get me out of this situation either by giving me my ex back or taking me away
      (for self control…) plz plz plz plz help me for this..

      according to me this is the most confusing situation bcz he is back but half changed and my tension for my exams.. i told u earlier that i left my old colg for him n if i fail in this exam also my family will want me to marry and leave studies.. i m just 19 year old and i just realised what a worst situation i am in in both family study and relationship front..

      i am desperately waiting for ur reply and wish to get a detailed answer from u… plz take out time and explain me what shud i do in such a situation… i am feeling anxiety as to what on earth could give me a way out… plzzzzzzzzzz help me …

    9. pumpu

      May 18, 2016 at 10:26 am

      hey.. i told my ex that i have kissed a frnd of mine 2 days back n that i wasnt a virgin before i met him.. i had lied to him earlier bcz if i had told him the truth he would not accept me.. i told him these things n now he is saying tht i cheated on him 🙁 he was super sad.. i was happy that he reacted n cried but i hurted him again… did i loose the chance to get him back.?
      he said he doesnt want to exist for me… i am confused

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2016 at 6:37 am

      about your friend.. she has to start no contact because right now we don’t know if the guy really doesn’t care or she’s just reacting emotionally and needy.
      and sorry, about your comment! what was it about?

      well, you didn’t actually cheat but you lied to him.. he lost trust in you because you lied.
      YOu should check this post:
      EBR 044: Lying To An Ex Boyfriend

    11. pumpu

      May 18, 2016 at 10:23 am

      sry to ask but u deleted one comment of mine..

    12. pumpu

      May 15, 2016 at 1:05 pm

      she can convince her parents when she ll be of the age of marrying ( she is 20 now ) but for now it had to be a secret … anyways things at her home is well and good but she is bothered about getting him back coz he was her one n only.. her first boyfriend..

    13. pumpu

      May 15, 2016 at 1:02 pm

      she meant that she was so depressed after breakup that her parents doubted and found out through her friends tht she is going thru a break.. being with someone is against her culture. so her parents got angry at her and took away her things..
      he was her parents favourite friend of her but after knowing they got angry at both of them..
      she calls with a gap coz he doesnt seem much interested and his stuff makes her feel like she never meant anythng for him or sometimes like she is and always will remain the centre of his world.. confused so kinda avoids that confusion

    14. pumpu

      May 10, 2016 at 1:05 pm

      🙂
      Hi Amor, thanks for replying,
      i m pumpu’s friend texting u ..
      when i broke up with him.. i was so sad that my parents found out about him ( against my culture) and took away my phone and lappy and stuff.. so i think it became something like a no contact… i got my phone back after a month or so..
      but i used to talk about him with our mutual friends.. dont know if they told him that i talk about him or not…

      its been 3 months since the breakup.. i call him with a gap of 15-20 days..
      should i start no contact again ??

    15. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 14, 2016 at 12:05 pm

      Hi!

      why is the gap so far apart? You broke up with him because your parents don’t want him because it’s against your culture? I’m just wondering, is the situation different now or you’re willing to stand up for him if ever you get back together?

    16. pumpu

      May 10, 2016 at 9:51 am

      i told one of my friends that i am taking help of your website to get my ex back/move on.
      she asked me to ask for ur suggestions about her case..
      well she broke up with her ex and now she found out that he wants her to chase him.. he is not contacting her by himself but if she is contacting him.. he is being super polite and loving the first minute and super rude the second..
      she kinda wants him back but basically she is confused as to what she should do…
      I’d love if you helped her in this case…
      thank you..

    17. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 10, 2016 at 10:27 am

      Hi Pumpu,

      thanks for sharing us… actually the basics still apply to her.. since she’s not getting proper convo with him, she should start with active no contact.

    18. pumpu

      May 5, 2016 at 4:20 pm

      thanku

    19. pumpu

      May 4, 2016 at 10:19 am

      can u tell me for how long i have to stay away from him.. n what shud be his thots about me… also can u describe about the meaning of ungettable girl

    20. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 4, 2016 at 2:19 pm

      You can check out more about the ungettable girl in this post: The Ungettable Girl

      from what you said, if he’s a naricissist, it’s better if you move on.. but if you really want to try, stay away until you feel you can live without him even if you still want him.

    21. pumpu

      May 2, 2016 at 11:12 am

      the thing that i am saying about him not calling me bcz of balance… that topic came when i last spoke to him n told u tht i called him n stuff… but not even one day we were together that he again started so i broke up n this tym havent blocked him from social networking coz i had very less self control and i had told him during our rltn that i block him when i am angry coz if i see him or his name i feel like talking to him n cant control myself.. but this tym its been a week he is not blocked n i am not talking to him at all…

      PS :- i am not using mobile phone from the past 1.5 months coz of self control and also coz my parents want me to take a break from social life and focus on career… and bcz of this also last tym he mentioned that there was no use to call me if i had no phone but when i last came to my home town he made his frnd to call me on landline and ask for me if someone else picked up n ask for me n this way he spoke to me but now during my 1 month NC he dint do that also.. and gave many stupid resns..

      i m sorry if i am telling u things in a lot of detail but i really want him back n i dont want to miss out anything that can help me in getting him back

    22. pumpu

      May 2, 2016 at 11:01 am

      the next day we spoke again coz i called him 🙁 couldnt control again and got with him but then the next day i broke up coz he was the same old guy making me wait for hours… since then i am not talking about him at all… that really hurted me and i am flirting with a guy in my old colg ( i left tht colg coz my ex for whom i am seeking ur advice is there so i came back to my hometown.. right i live in my hometown which is 12 hrs away from his state ) i think my ex has come to know about this guy… my ex is normal with him but this tym he has blocked me … this made me happy coz he never cared enough to block me to show anger… he never showed me that what i do matters to him… the one month NC that i just finished.. in that i blocked him n this is the first time he did…. also when i did not react about him blocking me …. i felt that my ex asked one of my frnds to ask me if i blocked him coz my frnd called me up n asked me if i blocked him.. i said no so my frnd said he felt so coz he tried to open my account from my ex’s account but couldnt see me … he asked me to check if i can see his profile. i checked n said no i dint block maybe he has blocked me.. he waited for some time but when i didnt react he changed the topic to studies.. also by mistake i told my frnd that i was very sleepy n when he asked y i said last night i couldnt sleep coz my ex’s memories were on my mind n i couldnt stop crying… i felt like i did wrong by mentioning that so i tried to cover it up by saying tht from now i have to control crying and thinking about stupid stuff that happened in the past and focus on my career coz i was sleepy in class…

      my ex always used to say that if i am single after brkup he ll come back to me and if i am with someone he ll forget me forever …. also when i spoke to him , that day he said bcz of no balance in his phone he didnt call me n he was expecting me to call him… but i felt like wowww… he didnt had balance to call me for a month… its been a week that i started NC again..

      what do u think can possibly happen… i love him a lot n i sometimes feel tht even he doesnt come back.. atleast he shud feel what he made me go through… i want him to regret losing me… n if he comes back then i’d be the most luckiest girl on earth ^_^

    23. pumpu

      April 25, 2016 at 2:59 pm

      i just spoke to my ex after one month and he was very gentle and he said he just spoke about breakup in anger.. and he never contacted me in a month bcz he knew i would go back.. i just finished my one month NC rule and he hasnt changed he is the same person.. when i asked him to send me the birds that i had bought and asked him to keep with him for some time he said he wont give them back… i told him that i dont want to have any memories with that city n i just want my birds back so that i can get my mind back here coz i used to think about them all day and i could continue breakup peacefully.. he agreed to give me back and also when i told him tht i thought u would stop me from going so he said he hates my habit of talking about breakup and that he ll never stop me… we spoke to each other in call and we said i love u’s and gave kisses.

      i am having mixed emotions as i am tooooo happy to talk to him after a month n he said i love u and also i am sad tht he said he ll never stop me from breaking up what to do… his tone was the best ever but he was still the same

      i told him that this was the last tym we r talking 🙁 coz i learnt to move on… now what to do… help me plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    24. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 27, 2016 at 5:31 am

      Actually he already gave the answer.. He doesn’t want to go back because he knows you still like him.. He doesn’t find you to be the ungettable girl. You really need to move on and change if you want a chance but for me, in your case it wouldn’t be real if you really wouldn’t move on.. He will just see every attempt as you chasing him.. YOu really have to let time long time pass so that you can change and for him to not think you’re chasing him.

    25. pumpu

      April 14, 2016 at 3:40 pm

      thanks Amor,
      i ll let u know what happens..
      btw no contact really helped me to control myself and make me happier than before.
      i remember the day when i was so obsesses to him that i got shivers in my body when we didnt meet for 2 days. he had to rub my hand to make me get over the shivers and i see today being the 20th day of no contact and strangely i m doing good,
      i ll comment when something real happens coz its just been the talk about him through his friends which i ignored infront of them but asked u. 🙂 thanks a lot for the help..

    26. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 17, 2016 at 1:34 pm

      that’s good! you’re welcome!

    27. pumpu

      April 12, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      i took some time to think over and realised that he has traits of a narcissist but i thought he is not one coz he lost his father and has not been able to share stuff with his mom and sister coz of his man ego.. i remember that he used to cry whenever he was alone and always wanted a tight hug and feeling of acceptance in this world.. i m more confused now.. its like a battle btwn mind n heart

      also one of our mutual frnd contacted me and bcz of the topic he sent me some pics in which they were enjoying and some were selfies of my ex

    28. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 13, 2016 at 9:35 pm

      If that’s the case, he has to see a psychologist and it’s better to move on from him..

    29. pumpu

      April 8, 2016 at 10:05 am

      hey i was researching abt a boys mentality and about emotional abuse in relationship and i found out a thing that describes exactly the resn y things between me and my ex ended…. that word is narcissist.. i am now worried if he is ever going to come back bcz he was exactly what was described in that topic..

    30. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 7:06 am

      if he really is a narcissist that means it’s better not to go back with him because it would be constant toxic relationship

    31. pumpu

      April 5, 2016 at 8:17 am

      ok.. i have decided to keep the NC till a month today being the 9th day and then i ll talk to him.. if he is normal then good or i wont try any more.. i am fed up coz he has been rude for more than 7 months.. n

    32. pumpu

      April 4, 2016 at 4:28 pm

      one of our friends is saying that he said he is behaving like a depressed one sided lover in my previous colg.. he is stalking me and saying stuff like he ll be happy in stalking me and not coming back to me.. and he ll be happy if he sees me happy from far bcz i am not able to be happy… he is over reacting on these stuff.. 🙁 i am not liking these things.. i want him to come back 🙁 its really bothering me a lot

    33. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 5, 2016 at 5:59 am

      Try to talk to him… be the mature one by beung calm and listening to him whenever he talks..let him finish, if he goes silent, wait first before speaking.. if he doesn’t want to talk then give him space so he would realize that you tried to reach out and he’s being immature

    34. pumpu

      April 4, 2016 at 12:12 pm

      should i start talking to him after NC or should i wait for him to contact first… now coz i am able to control the urge to talk to him.. i want to know this coz if i myself start talking to him after the NC.. i think it might feed his ego.

    35. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2016 at 2:59 pm

      it’s ok to initiate contact as long as you’re the one ending and it depend on what text you send..Just don’t sound desperate

    36. pumpu

      April 3, 2016 at 8:47 am

      after a lot of fights, today is the 7th day of NC … normally he couldnt resist talking to me for more than a week.. but till now he hasnt made any kind of effort to talk to me… i made him to choose between changing his attitude towards me or leaving me and he cried but broke up.. but unfortunately bcz of some reasons my dad took my phn from me and we havent had any kind of conversation.. so its like a NC … one of our mutual friends once mentioned abt him to me in a strange topic… i called him to my hometown bcz i left my colg in another state and came back to my home bcz i felt lonely depressed and wanted to commit suicide.. i called my frnd and he said he would come with my ex.. i found it strange n i have been wondering if my ex told him to mention abt him or my frnd mentioned abt my ex by himself….
      i wanted to know if he would come back coz we couldnt finish our conversation abt brkup coz my dad took my phn in anger when i was in call with my ex..
      i feel he loves me but he is an egoistic person .. once he told me tht he would never come back to me if we ever seperate bcz if i can live without him n not go back to him then y shud he come to me..
      he is a depressed kind of guy and so weak that he doesnt cry(he even didnt cry on his father’s funeral).. but when we got together he started crying on small matters.. got emotional… always wanted me near him.. literally 24*7 .. but then peoples advices crept in and made him to push me away from him… i know he loves me and covers his soft side with his extreme rude behaviour.. but these kind of things that he had told me scares me
      i am tired with all the fights n i want him back with the best of him…. do boys with these attitude come back??

      PS:- we both r 19 yrs old.

    37. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2016 at 9:20 am

      Oh, he’s stilk emotionally immature..it’s possible but always keep in mind that you shouldn’t let others disrespect you because if you just let it slide, they will continue to disrepect you.. Once he’s calm after nc.. and if he talks to yiu rebuild rapport and then when you meet up talk to him personally about it

    38. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 31, 2016 at 5:53 am

      Hi Pumpu,

      Sorry for the late reply.. A relationship shouldn’t be that toxic. It’s also normal that he changes after the honeymoon. We can’t force somebody to change. They may change for us but it will always be their decision.. Also, You have to love yourself enough first before loving others because you will end up getting that love from them which is not true love but a necessity. It’s like you’re going to be using that person and that’s not love. Love yourself first Pumpu, when you know you can live without that person even if it hurts that’s true love. That’s a healthy relationship.

  11. Estella

    March 23, 2016 at 12:47 am

    Hello, Im really conflicted and this break up is pretty new
    I had been with my boyfriend for 8 months. We had a great relationship, we had been good friends for years until last last year when he asked me out. We’re in a long distance relationship and he lives about an hour and a half away and because we both have other commitments, it can mean that we only see each other every other week since we are both young as well (17) and our parents are still hovering. Around three or four months into the relationship he would make comments about how he was my first boyfriend and that I wouldn’t be able to stay with him forever because he would be holding me back. We got in a fight over this and he eventually dropped it but would mention it again sometimes. Last month I was unable to see him for an entire month however it was entirely his fault because I was able to see him every weekend but his parents went away and then he was grounded. Then three days ago he went out with his friends and didn’t text me all night which I wasn’t bothered about because I trust him and I was going to finally see him the next day on Sunday. Sunday came and I had a great time with him the whole beginning of the day but then when we got back to is house after hanging out he refused to talk to me until his dad came home and told him he had to leave and go do something with me (which was already awkward enough). He started crying as soon as he got in the car and 5 min later he finally pulled over on the side of the road and told me that he missed me too much to keep doing “this” because he gets so happy when he see’s me but then when I leave gets extremely upset and misses me(although we do FaceTime almost every night I understand that it’s not the same). He also brought up the fact that he wanted me to see other people so maybe later we could get back together and then lastly he told me that the night before he almost cheated on me. He confirmed that he didn’t cheat but the girl apparently has like him for a while and a year ago he had a crush on her. Apparently she was flirting with him all night and he was thinking about cheating but according to him he didn’t act on it and I do trust him on that. He said that he would never want to do that to me but with the long distance it can be hard not to think about it. I stayed for the rest of the day and we were really civil about it and we even managed to laugh and joke about it(this might be because we’re close friends and have that kind of joking around relationship) but he was crying most of the time and while I wasn’t crying I was extremely upset and heartbroken. I did/do not want to breakup with him. He texted me the whole night on Sunday and all day Monday too. He even face-timed me on Monday and constantly would make comments about how cute I was then proceed to say how he “shouldn’t have said that.” He even asked if I wanted to get back together with him but I didn’t answer him because I knew he didn’t really mean it at the moment. It’s been three days and I haven’t stopped contacting him but he almost always begins the conversation. I don’t know if I should try NC because I’m scared he’ll forget his feelings for me and maybe go out with the girl that likes him. He’s my best friend and while I do understand that he is my first boyfriend and I have college still and everything else, he makes me happy in the present and I really don’t want o lose him as a friend or a boyfriend.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 31, 2016 at 1:37 pm

      Hi Estella,

      you didn’t mention when you broke up.. but I think you just needed a little space but you should talk.. why make things complicated? If you love each other, be together

  12. c

    March 22, 2016 at 11:58 pm

    I meet a guy three months ago on a dating app and we hit it off instantaneously. At 27 I have never met someone I had so much in common with and checked all the boxes, and who did for him as well. We aren’t the average people in what we have done with our lives. He would go out of his way to see me between business trips or right when he got back, and he was constantly talking about things he wanted to do with me in the future. I gave him space when needed and I don’t feel pressured him about what we were. After 6 dates I did let him into the “cookie jar” per say, and looking back he became a bit more distant following despite great intimacy . After another amazing date awhile after, I did take myself off the dating app on my own without saying anything to him. A few days later he came over and told me as much as he wanted to feel the spark between us he didn’t and that he was unsure of what he wanted in relationship (he hasn’t dated to much for he has traveled much due to his career (Male, 32). He also mentioned I was the most supportive person he ever dated, but I didn’t challenge him enough. When talking about not knowing what he wanted he did begin to get emotional. During the break-up I held very strong and he questioned how well I seemed to take it (he seemed more upset). He did say he usually likes to go separate ways after a break-up, but he was curious how it would work if we remained friends (I’m friends with all my ex’s which he is aware of). I told him to contact me, and we haven’t talked since. I believe when I started back on the dating app to meet others he “denied” me for he doesn’t come up. I also went onto a website. After making an account I saw that he was also on the site and my number one match. I blocked him for I didn’t want he him to see my account. Is him seeing my account breaking the no contact rule, or will it drive his compensative nature that I’m on it? I will not contact him through the website. Do people who want to go separate ways usually contact someone again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 31, 2016 at 10:31 am

      HI C,
      no you didn’t break the no contact rule but based on his actions, he’s not true to his words. He was curious but then he never reached out.

  13. Kayla

    March 22, 2016 at 6:47 pm

    My boyfriend and I were together 11 months. Everything was fine. We didn’t fight horribly, it was just the normal bickering. Before Christmas he had me meet his grandparents and made sure I knew that I was the only girlfriend to meet them. For Christmas he bought me a promise ring. We made plans to go away for our one year in April but he seemed to be stressing over money for the trip and wanted to cancel it but then gave in when I said I just wanted to go out that one night we could just hangout in the hotel the rest of the time and spend time together. Then I had to get minor surgery at the beginning Feb and he seemed weird after that day. Broke up with me at the end of Feb said he didn’t make me happy and I deserve better to leave him alone. I drove to his house and made him do it in person. Then 5 hours later he came back said I love you I’m sorry I shouldn’t of done that. Then 4 days later broke up with me again and said to leave him alone to move on that he’s not saying we can’t have a future he needs time to make sure I’m really the one. Then he said he needs to get his life together and he would talk to me in 2 weeks for closure. 2 weeks later he said he didn’t want to talk but we could I he told me i was helping him too much with his bills and that he needs to get on his feet. Told me he’s sorry and that he screwed up and that hes trying to fix it by fixing himself. And told me that he’s not saying we can’t have a future that he needs time be sure he’s ready for a real relationship. I am so confused because this is all of a sudden and everything was fine. None of his best friends understand it either and they said he hadn’t told them about it. All our pictures are still up on his page. This happened at the beginning of March. The last time we spoke was the 19th when he told me he was gonna do what he wants and so should I that hes not talking to anyone but if he was I shouldn’t be on him about it. I have logged out of Facebook so I can’t see what hes doing and so he doesn’t know what I’m doing but our 1 year is in 2 weeks and I don’t know what to do about that.

    1. Kayla

      June 1, 2016 at 5:54 pm

      So it’s been 2 months since I last spoke to him. He’s still with that girl so I don’t know if I should message him. I don’t know what to do about him. I’ve been out doing my own thing and all, having fun with friends.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 11, 2016 at 2:30 pm

      It’s better to think about it first and if you decide to message him, you have to appear friendly only.. because he will protect his current relationship if he thinks you’re trying to get him back

    3. Kayla

      May 9, 2016 at 4:45 am

      That’s a good point! I didn’t even think about that. I think I’m going to continue my NC since it seems like its working, I mean I’m feeling way better about the situation but the way he’s acting seems like I’m getting to him. His friends that won’t talk to him invited me to hangout with them more often and all so maybe if he sees them hanging out with me he’ll straighten up

    4. Kayla

      May 8, 2016 at 2:56 pm

      Oh and him and that girl are dating now. He chnaged his relationship status the day after I hung out with his friends. And apparently since Feb 2016. He broke up with me the last day of Feb so either he cheated or he’s doing it for attention

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 9, 2016 at 2:09 am

      yeah, that’s a sign from the girl that she’s jealous of you..

    6. Kayla

      May 8, 2016 at 3:14 am

      Ok so I’m 36 days into NC, still not sure if I want to reach out but something interesting happened this weekend. I hung out with one of his friends and his gf, they told me they don’t talk to him anymore cause the only time he messages them is when he wants them to buy him alcohol. But we went out to eat and his friend told me that when my ex told him he left me it sounded like he didn’t wanna leave me. I replied that I didn’t tell him to go and i fought for him for a month and he refused to work on things they we’re like oh we know. So here’s where it gets interesting, the girl my ex became interested in and has been hanging out with came in my work tonight and eyeballed me the entire time!!! Why?! Lol I don’t get it. I continued to work like nothing was different but would catch her staring at me. I work across the street from them so it’s not like she didn’t know which restaurant I worked at. Just found that very interesting….

    7. Kayla

      April 27, 2016 at 5:53 pm

      Thank you for all your advice! 🙂 I’m still on the fence about reaching out after NC or waiting for him to reach out but if anything happens I’ll update you.

    8. Kayla

      April 26, 2016 at 4:47 pm

      OK. How do I know he’s good though? lol I’m still blocked on facebook but from what I can see from my “sources” it doesn’t look like anything new has been posted with him and that girl.
      I’m starting to get that mindset that he should reach out to me since he was the one who left out of nowhere but at the same time I want to do everything I can to try and get him back. So confusing! lol. I do have a text planned to send to him. We had went to dinner one night and picked somewhere new and accidentally ended up at a 5 star restaurant. We made jokes about that night the entire time we were together. I was gonna text him saying
      “Hey, what was the name of that really nice restaurant downtown? The one we walked in wearing flip-flops and jeans too lol.” Does that sound ok?

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 27, 2016 at 8:18 am

      from friends and if he posts a lot of positive things, if he also initiates contact..yeah it sounds good! But if you want to wait for him to text, that’s alright too.. because you can establish more that you’re moving on.

    10. Kayla

      April 24, 2016 at 2:38 am

      Right that’s what I was thinking. Should I wait longer then 30 days and do like 45 instead?

    11. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 26, 2016 at 10:28 am

      yeah.. but you don’t have to stick to 45.. if at 35 he’s good then it’s ok to initiate

    12. Kayla

      April 21, 2016 at 4:30 pm

      I’m continuing my NC but I’m not sure how he’s gonna react when I do reach out. Curious if he’ll break down and reach out first. The 22nd will be 21 days and I haven’t heard from him, just had him delete me on snapchat and then block me on facebook.

    13. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 23, 2016 at 5:13 am

      Hi Kayla,

      if it’s like that, it’s better not to reach out yet. It’s like he’s getting your attention the improper way, for you to get worried and message him..

    14. Kayla

      April 19, 2016 at 9:28 pm

      Is it possible that he blocked me on Facebook because I stopped chasing him? Like I hadn’t talked to him or anything in 2 weeks then out of nowhere he blocks me and changes his picture to him and that girl, not once but 3 different pictures in one day. Hes friends with my friends and family still so he knows what he does will get back to me but I laughed when I heard the picture thing lol. It sounds like he’s doing it for attention, like he wants me to contact him and call him out on it. Am i wrong for thinking that? I’m not contacting him til the 30days are up. The girl doesn’t have them as her profile picture so I don’t know if they’re really dating or not but does it sound like he’s doing it for attention?

    15. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 21, 2016 at 2:01 pm

      Yeah, it does sound like that, especially because he blocked you during nc.

    16. Kayla

      April 17, 2016 at 10:33 pm

      I have just under 2 weeks left

    17. Kayla

      April 16, 2016 at 1:02 pm

      well I think they’re dating. He blocked me on facebook changed his profile picture to him and her and took her to all these nature spots that he took me. I don’t know if shes a rebound or not. I feel so lost right now. I still haven’t talked to him tho

    18. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 17, 2016 at 2:21 pm

      Okay.. that’s more reason to focus on yourself and be active.. set him aside.. you only a few days left off nc right?

    19. Kayla

      April 15, 2016 at 2:47 am

      So I found out he is with that girl he supposedly took an interest in. They have been hanging out and all and his best friend said hes been getting drunk that they don’t think him and this girl are dating. I don’t know what to do.

    20. Kayla

      April 14, 2016 at 5:46 pm

      Thanks! Some of my friends think that because this ended so abruptly and his reasons are so all over the place that he will come back. But I’m not sure, I mean he said he does still love me but I don’t wanna get my hopes up. What do you think?

    21. Kayla

      April 14, 2016 at 3:22 am

      Well we made it past a week the 15th will be 2 weeks of NC. I’ve been keeping busy finishing up college and hanging out with friends, I even started working out again. I’m definitely getting better, like I don’t get as upset as I did before when I would talk about the break up. I don’t know the last time I cried over it but part of me feels like I wont hear from him. I already have the text I’m going to send him once the NC is up but I’m still really unsure of what is going to happen.

    22. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 14, 2016 at 12:05 pm

      well, that’s natural.. don’t over think..it won’t help..you’re doing great! just keep it up!

    23. Kayla

      April 6, 2016 at 6:19 pm

      Today is only the 5th day since i started NC again, every time i start NC we can’t even get past a week, seems like every weekend something comes up. I am trying to keep doing the NC. One thing i find odd is that he hasn’t posted anything on social media but hes been online a lot. When he changed his relationship status he just removed it, he didn’t put single. He has all of our pictures up still both the ones i tagged him in and the ones he uploaded himself. Hes been watching my snapchat more too, he didn’t use snapchat much until he broke up with me. Its all very confusing.

    24. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 8, 2016 at 7:07 pm

      just keep at it for now.. unless he really says he wants to work things out

    25. Kayla

      April 4, 2016 at 4:03 am

      Not really. That happened on a Friday night, I waited til the following Friday (April 1st) to see if he would say anything since that was our anniversary date. Didn’t hear anything so I drove to his house that evening and called him to come out and get the rest of his stuff because I can’t hold onto it if I’m not sure if this is going to work out. He answered said he was at work and to give the bag to his sister. In the bag was stuff he had bought and left at my house, the Valentine’s card he got me, a photobook of pictures from our trips and adventures throughout the year that I had halfway done but all the pictures were in there, and the promise ring he bought me. I haven’t heard from him since. I’m doing NC but one of his close friends at work friend requested me and I accepted it but I’m not sure what her motive was when he can see everything I post just the same. Everyone is telling me to just give him the space so I am.

    26. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2016 at 2:22 pm

      okay… finish nc first..let’s hope he has a change of heart

    27. Kayla

      March 31, 2016 at 9:07 pm

      And said that he needed to get on his own feet again. So I’m not sure what to expect

    28. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2016 at 11:52 am

      That is one bizarre reason..have you talked again?

    29. Kayla

      March 31, 2016 at 6:13 pm

      We ended up talking last weekend and he told me hes interested in someone else that he know he wont fall in love with and he doesn’t know what hes doing. He said he left because he didn’t want to hurt me or cheat on me. He said he never has cheated and that hes terrified at what is going on.

    30. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 31, 2016 at 10:43 am

      HI Kayla,

      If he’s saying the truth then that means he’s ego might be hurt. Don’t greet him in your supposed anniversary.. Re-lob in Facebook and do no contact. Be active in posting your improvements, recent activities but don’t caption it with anything relating to him or the breakup.

  14. Oberon

    March 21, 2016 at 7:35 pm

    I’m on day 2 on NC after my boyfriend dumped me 3 weeks ago out of the blue. He said he didn’t love me any more, hadn’t for a long while. He carried on doing things for me round the house (we’re living together until I can move me and the kids to our own place next month), bringing me a glass of wine, cup of coffee in bed etc. The important thing to remember here is that my beautiful man has a history of mental distress and this has been getting much worse recently due to his stressful job (he’s a university lecturer).

    2 weeks after we break up I find out about the girl from work he’s been seeing, after he sends me a text meant for her. (rookie mistake, dude) He admits the affair, tells me he only wanted to talk to her about his mental state and how he was feeling, but they got closer and closer and then kissed her after the breakup (but pushed her away as he knew it wasn’t what he wanted), and that the breakup was after urging from her (for some reason he didn’t see the fact this girl got talking to him, then got him to dump his girlfriend and then invites him round ‘for a chat’….) He swears he’s broken it off, and even leaves his phone around for me to check. He was heartbroken when she messaged him and I saw it – said he’d told her to back off and that he now realised that she wasn’t acting as a friend (no sayin’, Sherlock) and wouldn’t leave him alone. He said he wanted me to see he could be trusted.

    He carries on living with me and the kids, cooking, wanting me to watch TV with him at night etc. He gets very happy when I turn down a date from someone else. Then Saturday (4 days after I find out about ‘Ashleigh’) he takes a high powered sports car for a test drive, and when I call him to find out what time he’s home for dinner he’s shady on the phone – he’s round at hers!!

    He’s moved out to his mother’s, and I started NC. I’ve not heard from him at all in 2 days. The NC is mainly to give me and the kids some respite from his mental rollercoaster, but I know deep down this is all his illness and not the real him. I adore the real him; that man makes gives my world colour and I wanted to marry him. He was still sending me love peoms 4 days before he dumped me! I sound like I’m making escuses for him, but I’m really not – just trying to give some context that right now he’s more confused than a nun in a strip club. I understand the motives, but I will take a long time to forgive his actions.

    My question is this – how would you approach NC with someone who is in a very depressed state and possibly acting from a place of mental distress? I don’t want to let him think this is OK, but at the same time I don’t want to make the situation worse by ignoring every text he sends (which he will, I have no doubt).

    1. Oberon

      March 21, 2016 at 8:45 pm

      And just to add, we’ve been in a relationship for 3 years, known each other about 7. He always had a thing for me, and said he couldn’t believe his luck when I came out of my last relationship and he got the chance to talk to me!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2016 at 7:32 am

      Hi Oberon,

      if he really is depressed, he should get a professional help..but actually if hr knows he has depression, that can’t be an excuse anymore to cheat and if he was even sweet before breaking up that just shows he’s trying to make up for his cheating

  15. Ann

    March 21, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    Hi there,

    My boyfriend and I broke up last Tuesday. NC ever since, yet lol.

    Started last year this time so been around a year. Again, like every other couple, things were great in the beginning, for like first 6 months or so, we even almost lived together for like 2 months (we actually worked together). But then he moved back home because his lease ended and wanted to study for GMAT so he can go back to school. And my place then was way too small for 2 people. Maybe was the distance or something else, things cooled down a little after that – not that I’m naive enough to hope the excitement would last forever long, and honestly it was still pretty good most part.

    Then by the end of January, there were a few incidents – mostly he didn’t have time for me for either busy studying or out with his buddies. I decided to call it off one night after he said “idk” when I asked if he was going to come help me move next day (after an argument on the phone the night before and I had turned my phone off mostly in the day next day because I wanted to focus on finishing work so I can leave early to prepare for moving). But we did kinda talk that night before he said “idk”. I was just saying I’m excited and the whole argument last night was frustrating but I just want him to be…nicer. He texted whole bunch of stuff next morning (how he’s really stressed), offered to come, I said yes. That was what I considered first breakup and BTW the text I sent was reasonable and sincere – I just want the best for him and I still do.

    This time it happened in a really bad timing – he is going through ridiculous amount of pressure (work, family, insurance as he actually had an accident 3 weeks ago). He accused me a couple of times that I was being distant to him – read his messages but not respond for hours, said I was never like this before even asked if I was talking to anyone else. The last time was the Monday night right before I broke it off. I told him I really want to help him but don’t know how and promised I wasn’t talking to anyone and would never do such thing to him. Next day, I tried carry out normal conversation, in between I asked “are we ok”, his answer – idk. It set me off, I told him I really didn’t know what I could do (offered a lot the weekend before, he said no), said maybe we’re better off without each other for now. He said it was all his decisions and nothing really I could do. Then kept on talking like it was just a discussion. Then I asked for my key back, he responded “so that’s it”? I said so do you wanna drop it off or I can pick it up. He questioned I didn’t answer the question. I confirmed. He said ok he’ll just drop it off. then asked for the reason. I said you’re never sure about us I don’t like the way we are. what’s the point of continuing?

    Later on I messaged him, just wanna say I never wanted to leave in a hard time like this – but I can’t be with him when I feel like he has no faith or even interests in this relationship. He said he has no idea why and how long I felt like that. At the end he just said sorry couldn’t give me more time and wish me the best, he’ll miss me. I was drunk lol called him asked so we’re over? He said he doesn’t know what to say – I was the one who made the decision.

    Truth is, I want him back. Big part of the reason I broke up was that was probably better than us questioning each other all the time. Maybe I should’ve said that during the conversation, but I had my own work issues to deal with while that happened. Everyone around me is saying I’ve given way more than I should’ve to him and it’s not worth it. Ideally I was hoping after a couple of months – maybe after his exam and other things got settle down, he could come back or at least realize how all these happened and I wasn’t really giving up on him (maybe some background, due to his family culture, been a year, his family doesn’t know he has a gf. And we are both late 20’s).

    Haven’t talked him nor heard from him since last Tuesday. And he hasn’t even dropped off my key as discussed. Any advice?

    Greatly appreciated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 22, 2016 at 7:12 pm

      Hi Ann,

      if the key can wait, try no contact for 21 days so that both of you can cool off before talking to each other again. If not ask for it kindly and then try to talk calmly if you can

  16. Busy Bee

    March 21, 2016 at 7:52 am

    Hello,

    A few months ago i met a guy on Facebook. We instantly get along. We both feel the connection after few months of talking to each other. At the beginning he told me that he’s not ready for a relationship and so we both agreed, but eventually I got emotionally attached to him, and yep fall in love with him, and he admitted to that he loves me back. I know it sounds cliche but those 3 months times were perfect. But then all of a sudden he became so distant and keeps on backing off on his feelings, asked him whats wrong and told me he’s very with work, school, health issues, and it would be to hard for me in the long run, and he doesn’t have much to give me, which he can’t even make food for himself. I felt hurt, and confused because he just told be he loves me few weeks ago and then now? What went wrong. I got so emotional plus on my work, and family issues too. So i messaged him that he’s not the guy I’ve known before, then i took a time off and deactivated my account. Then after realizing everything and what i have done and me missing him, i activated my account back and was about to apologize to him but i was too shy and i don’t know what to say, and after few hours when i finally got a courage to talk to him again, i can’t message him anymore, he blocked me. I am so so so devastated, confused, hurt. After a week i tried to call him but he cancelled it, called again and leave him a voicemail instead, and apologized to him, i even sent him a letter saying how sorry i was and he really has a special place in my heart. its been 21 days since, but until now i haven’t heard anything from him, i’m still blocked… I don’t know what to do. I miss him so much, is there would be a chance that he will talk to me again? but i remember he told me once that, once he’s over with someone he will not ever make a way to contact them anymore. I am really hurt. i don’t know what to do

    1. busy bee

      April 14, 2016 at 8:05 am

      I think i will…. after all i am BUSY BEE.. lol! thanks to you and to your team

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 14, 2016 at 12:52 pm

      You’re welcome! 🙂

    3. Busy Bee

      April 13, 2016 at 9:31 am

      Well i did messaged him like… last night unfortunately i haven’t received any reply yet so i don’t know… maybe he won’t ever talk to me again… but i was so curious why he unblock me anyways…. again i wouldn’t know the answer unless he’ll tell me….. ugh! i’m getting crazy hahaha….

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 14, 2016 at 5:40 am

      hahahah..Get busy!

    5. Busy Bee

      April 11, 2016 at 1:58 pm

      Hi Amor,

      So far I’ doing good. I keep myself busy for this past few weeks, and proud to say i finished 30 days NC and guess what 5 days ago i was having a random check and poof he unblocked me, what should i do now? should i send him a message? please help i need your advice. Thanks in advance. 🙂

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 13, 2016 at 6:21 am

      That’s good.. hmmm.. if yoy haven’t messaged him yet, wait another week..

    7. Busy Bee

      March 22, 2016 at 6:59 am

      what do you think i should do? I’m so down right now… :'(

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 31, 2016 at 12:37 am

      Sorry for the late reply busy bee. How are you now?

    9. Busy Bee

      March 21, 2016 at 1:06 pm

      Yes i understand that but why would he tell me he loves me when he was like not ready for a relationship. and why he blocked me, maybe i was to clingy or needy or he was annoyed… i don’t know i just wish i could get some explanation or just a closure or wish i could get another chance just to be a friend and not be needy and creepy.

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 22, 2016 at 5:19 am

      I wish I could answer why but that’s the downside of meeting somebody online, you really don’t know what theor true life is or true character.. what if he has a gf there? or he just wants to test online relationahips and he’s not serious about it, or something happened that it has to be priority..
      In time, and most likely when he sees you’re over it, although I know that sounds silly, he may get to talking to you

    11. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 21, 2016 at 11:47 am

      Hi Busy bee,

      hmmm.. based kn his actions it looks like he really doesn’t want to be in a relationship..when he saw youbwere getting serious, he backed off

  17. Gary Fatham

    March 20, 2016 at 8:40 pm

    Hi all
    I am wondering what the No Contact rule implies. Me and my gf are on a break her words. If she sends a message ie “Morning. X/ Good luck/ Have a nice day” should I reply? I want her back and don’t want to appear heartless by ignoring her.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 21, 2016 at 8:40 am

      Hi Garu

      is it a break up? or only a cool off?

  18. Kelley

    March 20, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    My boyfriend of a year broke up with me last month. His reason for breaking up with me was that he didn’t feel that he loved me as much as I loved him. He doesn’t feel as though he’s in love with me. We’ve struggled with this in the past and have broken up for this reason before but ended up getting back together and a few months after that he confessed he was in fact in love with me and saw a future with me. Now that it is happening again, I have no idea what went wrong. I’m so depressed about the whole situation and have acted beyond desperate towards him, begging for him to come back to me (I had no knowledge of the no contact rule or any appropriate tactics to get him back up until a week ago). I want him back more than anything, but I also want him to figure out his feelings so I’m not wasting my time on someone who will continue with this pattern of “falling in love with me” and then a few months later deciding he’s no longer in love with me.

    I’ve read about the no contact rule and many other great tips from this website and have begun to implement these tasks. I am now on day 6 of no contact. My question is, have I started this no contact rule too late? I’ve spent a month just begging him back and seemingly pushing him farther away. I’m not sure if I’ve ruined every or any chance I even had. I am doing good so far on the no contact rule, although he has not tried to contact me at all. I just don’t want to find out at the end of this thirty days that all along he had no intention of rekindling anything with me. I think that will absolutely crush me even more. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 21, 2016 at 8:10 am

      Hi Kelly,

      to be honest, did your past actions helped to ignite the fire in him? because if not, then nc is really the only chance left, because if wants to rekindle, nc would not make it diminish, it can help you make him want you more but if he really doesn’t.. even if you don’t do nc abd continue to talk to him, he still won’t come back..

  19. S

    March 20, 2016 at 12:38 am

    Hey! So I was in a 4 year relationship with my ex-boyfriend up until January of this year. For the first 2 years of our relationship we were both in undergrad (IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP) and things were great. We were young and very much in love (what I’ve come to realize). By year 3 things became very real. We graduated college and he was offered a wonderful job out of our home state. From the beginning of our relationship our goal was to move out of our home city/state to pursue a life together. It was always a dream of mine and he shared the same dream. When the time came for us to make the big leap I was still in undergrad and he was beginning his life in a new state. I let him know that before we could move forward he needed to get situated and I needed 2 months. Well 2 months turned into 1.5 years due to personal issues that I had. I dealt with a lot of pain in my past and I didn’t realize how much it had effected me until about 6 months ago. For 1.5 years I ran away from who I was because I was afraid to let go. Ultimately I allowed fear to get the best of me. In the end it limited the success of my relationship. For the first 2 years of our relationship I’d like to think that I was a good partner. I enjoyed having fun with my boyfriend. But by year 3 I became so consumed in my personal life I lost sight of my relationship and I lost sight of who I was. I turned into someone that I know that I am not. I had a hard time showing my love because not only was I not very comfortable with myself but as a child it wasn’t something that was comfortably shown to me. *I’m sorry if I’m venting right now but I’m extremely hurt by this situation and want nothing more than to improve my situation so that I can not only have my relationship back but have the love of my life, my best friend back as well* Now this is where I messed up. His birthday was very near and right before that I had a really bad break down. I had no money, i couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t find the energy to do anything with myself. Ultimately I missed his birthday. I warned him before hand that I didn’t have the money to visit and he told me that it was okay. I assumed he was being understanding. I tried my best to be there for him (at a distance) for his birthday. Except when I finally did have the money, instead of visiting him I sent him money because I knew that it would help him a lot. He was not happy at all. What I failed to realize was that the visit would have meant a lot more than the money. I know I wasn’t thinking.

    Before my ex-boyfriend broke up with me he gave me an ultimatum. Even before that I should say that I had a huge break down and I became very depressed. Not due to my relationship with my boyfriend (at the time we were fighting because he was having a hard time helping me deal with my depression and I was having a hard time accepting his help) but because of personal issues. The ultimatum was that I had to move in with him by January. After having my break down everything that had been an issue in my life no longer became my priority. I was at a point where I had enough and I was ready to let go of all of my pain. Well, the timing sucked bad because my ex-boyfriend was losing his patience. He had been hurt in the past and he believed that he couldn’t allow me to hurt him any longer. I got my life together and I was finally in a place where I could fully commit to moving but by that time he was over it. January came and he told me that I was not welcomed in his home and that he needed to go on a break. A 2 month break. As soon as I heard BREAK sirens went off and I went into fight mode. I tried everything to change his mind. I became the annoying female that I never wanted to be. I tried presiding him, I tried reasoning, I literally tried everything and all that did was push him away even more. I tried visiting him which was an extremely FAIL because he eventually broke up with me.

    Long story short, after reading almost everything on your site I’ve come to realize where I had messed up and I want nothing more than to make things better. I was in a place before where I was afraid to voice my wrongs because I thought that if I tried to excuse my situation with my breakdown and my past issues he would feel somewhat sorry and would eventually empathize with my situation causing him to realize that I never meant to hurt him. I never meant to hurt him. But I should have been honest with him and I shouldn’t have let my past issues ruin my relationship. I should have let my fear go. I should have made the necessary sacrifices for my relationship. I ultimately should have reciprocated the love that he gave me.

    Like I said I’ve read everything on your site and I know what I need to do BUT there’s a problem. He’s giving me a chance to prove myself. To prove that I can make sacrifices for our relationship and prove that I am no longer the person that I became in year 3. So, he’s allowing me to move in with him. Not only to try to begin a new and better relationship but because I will be beginning a school psychology master’s program this summer in his now home state. I know that he loves me and I know that’s why he’s giving me a second chance but he’s so hurt that at the moment he’s completely shutting me out of his emotional and personal life. I know this is so weird because technically we aren’t together and it probably makes no sense for me to move in with him at this time but it means so much to me that I’m being given this chance and I feel like I need to take it before it’s too late. The risks mean nothing to me at this point. So here are my questions (after I blabbed for so long, sorry lol)…

    1. How do I start the NO CONTACT RULE if I’ll be moving in with him in 1 month? (I actually started it 5 days ago)
    2. Is it a smart thing to start the NC at this point?
    3. I can be a very awkward person. Especially in an uncomfortable emotional situation like this. As much as I know what I need to do next I don’t know how to do it. So, how do I do it?
    4. How do I show him the new and more relaxed me without him thinking that I’m trying too hard?

    1. T

      March 24, 2016 at 12:43 am

      I have a very similar situation as you, mine broke up with me and I also became extremely unstable, needy and annoying. Except he does not want to give us a chance even though he was the person always talking about us moving in together and having our life together and I was the person sort of avoiding it, and once I sort out my priorities and started working on being a better gf He broke up with me. We never have this before, and I was also busy and stress with work as well as being an undergrad senior that I forgotten to connect with him and he met someone else. Im still extremely unstable with my emotions, they are all over the place and Im also having a hard time functioning. I started the NC but I started thinking about him and end up breaking it. =/ Im afraid I won’t be able to get back together by his graduation and never see him again since he was planing on moving and me with him. I feel like I’ve lost my hopes and myself in general, I feel so numb and not sure what to do. Please help me.

    2. S

      March 21, 2016 at 5:57 pm

      Okay, thanks for you help!

    3. S

      March 20, 2016 at 4:02 pm

      I’ll be moving in with him April 18th. April 14th he’s flying out to NY and we will be driving from NY to TX April 15th to the 17th. I’ve been trying to rebuild a connection with him but he claims he doesn’t care to talk. When I try to engage in conversation and talk about things that I know he’s interested in he makes it seem as if he doesn’t care and he doesn’t say much at all. I’ve been trying to show him that I’m in a more positive place but I feel like because he no longer trusts my word he no longer believes me as well. He believes that actions speak louder than words. When I do try talking to him in a more positive tone he doesn’t respond well so I immediately go into defense mode. The last fight that we had I was calm, I actively listened and I responded well BUT he became very hurtful and blamed me for turning him into the person that he is now and that’s when he told me that he doesn’t like me anymore. But he obviously must still have some sort of feelings for me if we’ve been on the phone for hours (until 2/3 am) and if he’s allowing me to try this new life with him. All of this is so confusing

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 21, 2016 at 7:52 am

      well, that’s one of the common reactions of a person who got hurt, it’s like when they see you backing down they take thay chance to regain power.. so don’t reciprocate his negative feelings… talk to him calmly and tell him you understand he’s hurt but you’re trying your best, and you hope he can be open with that too.. and then go back to being the calm and rebuilding the connection..if aftet a month you move in he’s still like that, then that’s when you do nc

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 20, 2016 at 9:27 am

      Hi S,

      When are moving with him? I don’t think you should do no contact right ahead of you decide to move in with him.. start to rebuild the connection first..just avoid fighting and being negative..if you fight end it before it gets more hurtful and then talk about the matter when you’re calmer

  20. Anon

    March 19, 2016 at 8:57 pm

    I’m in a texting group chat with my ex and our friends. I have been talking in it frequently, but he hasn’t been responding or anything. Does this break the NC rule?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 20, 2016 at 9:00 am

      Yeah, avoid the group.. because it’s like you’re still talkig to him

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