The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Sarah

March 1, 2016 at 9:21 pm

My situation is a bit different. …
I never dated the guy but he liked me at first and later has lost interest. We are freinds and he texts me but rarely hangout. Is there a way I can get interest back. Should I use social media and NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Hi Sarah,

Though we can’t guarantee that it will work 100%, but it can help to increase the chances.. even though he’s not your ex, click this blog post, it can also apply to you..
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

Sarah

March 1, 2016 at 9:17 pm

Hi there,
Will NC work in a guy who has friend zoned me?
Eve

March 1, 2016 at 9:07 pm

Hi,
for a very long time (7 years) I did not really feel anything for anyone; this happened after a relationship of 5 years ended bad.
In these 7 years I went out with some guys on and off but nothing special. Recently I met a guy (at work) and although at the beginning I did not think much of it, later on I started feeling something for him. He is a very introvert (like me) and after a month of trying to make him understand I liked him, we finally went out together. I was very happy and it took as a couple of weeks to actually confess that we liked each other and to sleep together. For the first couple of weeks he seemed very interested in me. He texted me and wanted to see me and we started to connect. I probably was showing him that I really liked him but suddenly he started to be more distant and I noticed he did not really wanted to spend time with me. This went on for an other couple of weeks (while we were still seeing each other and sleeping together). Finally I asked to go out for a chat and we had a very calm and mature conversation. He told me that he likes me and we have many things in common but he just recently (9 months) got out from a relationship that lasted 3 years and was in a strange place and di not find the “joy” and the will to see me. So I said that I understood (which I do as I have been there myself) but that of course was very sad. I spent one week crying and then I picked myself up and started to focus on myself : gym, haircut, new job (as we do not work together anymore since the break up) and I am starting to fell better. It’s been 17 days since I applied the NCR and today he wrote to me in a chat to ask me “how I was…”. I like this guy and I think there was something there, we have friends in common and when we were seeing each other we made some plans for the future months, so now we have concerts where we will have to go together…. I did not replyto the message he sent me today, but I am very tempted…I feel that if I don’t answer it’s like saying ” I am upset with you and don’t want to talk to you”. What should I do? Can I just answer something polite but kind of formal?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 3:27 pm

Hi Eve,

I know it’s hard but the rule really requires no contact in all forms unless it’s an emergency.. don’t think too much about what he thinks right now.. coz he’ll probably check your social media profile and if he sees you’re happy productive in life…he’ll more probably think you’re busy

sasha

March 1, 2016 at 5:46 pm

Hi,

I am from India..I have been in relationship with a guy for over an year…the time with him was great…we spoke about marraige as well and my family knows it too and want us to get married soon…his family is not very supportive of the match…anyways in nov 2015 he told me once he wants to end it i thought he needed space and he might have felt things are moving very fast…then things came back to normal he missed me very much and he initiated conversations about marraige,spoke to my mother abt the wedding etc..however in jan my mother used to ask me what is the response in his house abt the marraige was and i asked him about this a few times and he felt pressurised…he told he wants to be single and he is not ready for marraige and stuff…i gave him space again and never brought marraige topic again with him..things got back to normal and he started talking abt marraige again…day before yesterday also he was telling me how much he loves me and lets get married soon..we have not been in the same city from nov 2015…but suddenly yesterday he got a marraige proposal from some of his dad’s friends and he rejected her on the pretext of his atheism…he is a staunch atheist and i used to be a devout hindu but after my fathers death now i really dont care about god…we spoke yesterday and he is like he wants to break up because i am a believer of god..i tried to convince him otherwise but he is like he cant share his life with a believer…i dont understand..today i messaged him casually he is like its over and was a bit rude..then i stopped messaging him…but today night he messaged me he wanted to talk casually and called me twice..i really love him a lot …please help..

sasha

March 2, 2016 at 6:07 pm

hi,
thanks for the reply…for me if he is of other belief doesn’t even matter but because i have lost belief in god i am in a similar belief as he is in too…
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 9:51 am

Let’s say you believed in God again.. of you ever talk again.. put it in that context so you two can resolve it right ahead.. tell him, of he wants to be an atheist, you won’t force him to believe God.. Because if you tell him you don’t believe in God anymore, he may just think you’re saying that now to get him back…
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 2:42 pm

Hi Sasha,

marriage is a lifetime commitment.. first, answer this question, how do you picture your married life with him having a different belief?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 3:12 pm

Hi Dominique,

it’s natural to feel that.. Feel it.. acknowledge it then choose another feeling.. because right now, the beat thing to do is make nc about you.. this is your time to heal, find yourself and improve..
Sophia

March 1, 2016 at 3:03 am

My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up about 2 months ago. We continued to talk for another month as if we were still together (the last 2 years of our relationship were long distance). He finally asked that we cut communication and not talk. Within a week, he was already dating someone else and saying that he is happy. She is his coworker and has a completely different lifestyle than he ever wanted (she is much older and has 3 children). We have stopped talking, but I am worried that this relationship will get in the way of us getting back together even after our month of no contact. Is this just a rebound?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 3:34 pm

Hi Sophia,

it dependa on when they really started being close to each other

Mindy

March 1, 2016 at 2:07 am

My boyfriend broke up with me last week and I begged to get back together the day after (which we did for a couple days). Ultimately, we talked and decided to break up even though I didn’t want to. We were together for nearly 11 months and were so much in love. The problem was, I was in an awful relationship before him and got jealous when I knew there was nothing to be jealous of and would pick small fights over nothing. Our relationship ended because he was unable to handle the small irrational fights anymore and he also claims that he has fallen out of love due to these ongoing arguments. We agreed to remain in contact, as best friends and when I have asked whether or not there’s still a chance of us getting back together in the future he says he is unsure. He also says that he wants to see what else is out there because I’m his first love. We have hung out twice and text each other as per our agreement of staying friends, but we both realize it is too soon. Should I implement the NC rule now? Will I ruin our chances of getting back together if I only stop talking to him for a couple weeks?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 3:28 pm

Hi Mindy,

yes, I think you should now.. You already talked and tried being friends.. so this is the next step now.. I think you should really try 30 days

Emily

March 1, 2016 at 12:23 am

I was dating someone for a little over 6 months. About 3 months into the relationship, I initiated a conversation about where the relationship was going. In short, he said he liked what we had, we acknowledged that we were in an exclusive relationship, but that he wasn’t ready to commit to a serious relationship because there were other things he needed to commit to (buying a house, finding a new job, going back to school etc.). He, however did indicate that this could turn into something serious in the future. At the time I was okay with that and was willing to continuing dating. 3 more months went on, we continued dating, talking every day, meeting more and more of each others friends, double dating, planning things in the future and things were going really well between us. We hardly ever fought. However I reached a point where I wanted to talk about how I was ready for something more serious, but I was scared to initiate that conversation because I wasn’t sure how he would be feeling, and since I had initiated the last conversations I didn’t want him to feel like I was pressuring him. This led to me bottling things up and some miscommunications. He said he always felt like I was mad at him for being with his friends, but I more just wanted some reassurance about where our relationship was heading, and wanted to feel like more of a priority. I really felt the signs that things were headed somewhere serious (talking about future plans with each others families, going on vacations together, future date ideas).

We had an argument about a concert we were planning to go to that didn’t work out due to weather circumstances because I was upset and disappointed and I didn’t feel he understood where I was coming from. About a week later her told me we should stop seeing each other because he didn’t see it going anywhere and a lot of it had to do with him feeling like I was mad at him when he was with his friends. I explained to him that a lot of this was coming from a place of strong feelings for him and so badly wanting to take the next step, but feeling unsure where he stood. He told me he wished I had communicated that to him because the last time we talked things were fine and it even improved our relationship. Part of me feels like he just got scared of commitment and and unsure of things and instead of trying to work through the miscommunications and ve open about our feelings it was easier to walk away.

I went 14 days with no contact and sent a text message saying things were on my mind and I wanted to talk if he was willing to listen. He responded saying that he didn’t think meeting up was the best idea but I could text him if i wanted to. We exchanged a few texts and the conversation ended amicably. I thanked him for hearing me out and he said you’re welcome anytime. It has been another 2 weeks of no contact. I know that my 30 days of no contact had to be restarted from the day of the text messages.

Is there any chance that no contact/time apart could help give the relationship another chance?

Emily

April 5, 2016 at 4:27 am

Sorry to add another comment right away. He responded back saying “Haha thats too funny. Hope things are well with you also” I ended the conversation saying I was going out with friends. He responded to which I did not. He texted me again several hours later tonight. Could this be a good sign? Am I able to initiate another conversation tomorrow or should I wait for him to do so?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 10:42 am

Yep! That’s a good sign..Continue the convo, aincrease the number of replies compared to yesterday before you end it.
Emily

April 4, 2016 at 10:46 pm

Yes I sent first contact tonight. About the cookies and it made me think of him and I hope he is well. It has been a few hours with no response. Where do I go from here? Is it time to give up?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 8:51 am

I’m afraid it is..
Emily

April 2, 2016 at 9:26 pm

My most recent comment is still awaiting moderation. I have completed a 45 day no contact period. He has not contacted me other than liking a bunch of my recent pictures on social media. For a first contact text I was thinking about mentioning something about our favorite cookies/dessert shop next to my apartment building that we would always get together, or I would frequently bring him treats from. I think it’s casual. friendly, and positive. Any other advice you may have?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 4:53 am

Hi Emily,

sorry for the late reply. Yes, that’s a good first contact. Have you sent it?
Emily

March 28, 2016 at 7:30 pm

It’s been 39 days no contact. He liked even more pictures this past weekend. How do you recommend I go about first contact?
Emily

March 24, 2016 at 11:30 am

So he did not wish me a happy birthday via text or Facebook. He liked 2 pictures of me with a birthday cake but I was still expecting more and it hurts.

Does this mean that he does not care or has no intentions of talking to me again? Do I attempt to initiate first contact or let this one go?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2016 at 1:33 pm

Maybe he’s having hard time reaching out. It’s good that he liked your photos, coz if he really didn’t care, he wouldn’t have bothered.
Emily

March 20, 2016 at 2:41 pm

If he does say happy birthday via text should I wait a couple of hours to respond. Also should I try to keep the conversation going that day, or should I just simply say “Thank you” and attempt to make contact another day after that point?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 5:20 am

Keep going.. take that opportunity to have a cinversation again for the next day
Emily

March 18, 2016 at 9:22 pm

Today is 30 days no contact. Still have not gotten a text from him. just the liked on my Facebook picture. My birthday is 35 days no contact. Should I reach out to him before then or should I wait and see if he decides to text me on my birthday since he will have a reason to open communication if he really wants to? What is the best move?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 4:29 pm

Hmmm…I like the wait and see ine because at least that way, you wouldn’t have to think if a first contact text
Emily

March 16, 2016 at 8:47 pm

Well DAY 28 and he liked my profile picture on facebook. I know I shouldn’t read too much into it, but this is the only thing he has done beside watching all of my snap chat stories. I guess we will see if he attempts to say happy birthday to me next week….
Emily

March 15, 2016 at 8:19 pm

I have been trying to go out with friends, however after being out for a couple hours, I find myself just wanting to come home and get in bed. I have been busy hanging out with friends from work, instead of our mutual friends to decrease my chances of running into him. I try to go to the gym and spend time with my roommate. I have even gone out on a few dates however I find myself getting sad when I come home because I am just comparing people to him.

Also, we were not “officially boyfriend and girlfriend” but we were a couple in the sense that we talked every day, saw each other 2-3 times a week, went out on dates, knew each others friends, talking about meeting each others parents although it never actually happened, always had things planned in the future to do. Is it possible to get him back even though he was not “officially my boyfriend”?

I wanted him to be and I think he saw it going somewhere too at times, however I got insecure when I felt like he didn’t want to spend time with me and ultimately I feel that is what pushed him away. I wish that I just told him my expectations and where I saw things going instead of waiting for him to bring up the discussion.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2016 at 7:53 pm

yes, it’s possible.. the more imprtant thing is that you build attraction once you start texting, calling, and dating.. The good thing in your situation is that you don’t have much of a bad past with him that will drag you down..
Emily

March 13, 2016 at 9:23 pm

I and 25 days into no contact. Have still been very upset, not sleeping well, not eating well, and have not heard from him. Since I am not in a great place should I extend no contact to 45 days. Also If he does send me a message on my birthday next week should I respond thank you?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 7:42 am

Even though you feel not, you’re doing excellent coz you made it to 25 days of not contacting him! What’s your activities? Did you go out? Did you meet new people? or joined any other workshop, seminar, bootcamp or just plain sitting in to some of that? I know it’s hard but that’s normal..You may still be sad when you initiate a first contact but what’s more important is you’re emotionally stronger..that you can handle whatever the outcome

If you think you can, initiate after 30 days.. if not extend
Emily

March 5, 2016 at 9:12 pm

If his reason for breaking up was because he said he didn’t see the relationship going further and his feelings weren’t the same as mine, do I just need to accept and move on or is it possible he got scared of commitment and didn’t want to deal with the emotional aspects of the relationship? I still have 2 more weeks of no contact. Should I try to text him after that? My birthday is also 5 days after no contact ends. Should I wait and see if he texts me to wish me a happy birthday?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 6, 2016 at 6:56 am

Hes, you should because even if he doesn’t want to deal with the emotional aspects, that’s even more reason thaylt you should’t enter in a relationship, because that’s not a relationahip of it doesn’t have problems sometimes…

Yeah, you can try to initiate after nc but for now, focus on nc first…
Emily

March 1, 2016 at 5:36 pm

I told him that I didn’t understand why if there were things we needed to talk about why we couldn’t talk about them instead of him just deciding to one sided end it and I wanted to talk to him about where we stood in the relationship before he ended it but we never got the chance. He said he felt like we talked about these things before and he didn’t want it to turn into an argument. That was when I thanked him for hearing me out and he said you’re welcome, anytime. And that was our last contact
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 2:04 pm

if he was amicable.. there is a chance.. it can mean it would be easier to build rapport after nc
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 3:23 pm

Hi Emily,

what did you talk about after the first two weeks of nc?

Chloe

February 29, 2016 at 12:55 pm

Hi, I urgently need some advice..
My boyfriend and I broke up on Wednesday, 24 February.
I immediately implemented the NCR despite his constant messaging.
His birthday fell on Sunday & as much as it killed me not to wish him, I strictly adhered to the rule & did not wish him.
Because I did not wish him, he texted me saying that a “birthday wish wouldn’t have killed me and he expected more from our friendship” 🙁

I replied ( I know, I shouldn’t have but I felt so bad) and explained that I did not wish him as I was still hurt and I need time etc and now he has not yet replied.

Do you think this will ruin us forever?
will he ever come back to me & overlook this?
Please help me 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 10:18 am

Hi Chloe,

it’s noto forever of course..but it can take time..he may have also realized you needed time when you said that..

Bailey

February 29, 2016 at 4:32 am

Okay, my boyfriend broke up with me on Tuesday. He said that I didn’t make him happy, but he also said he still wants this family with me where we live together. I’m 30 weeks pregnant. So I’m due on May 11th. The past couple months, he’s been cheating on me. He’s been talking to A LOT of girls (sexting) & he’s physically cheated on me twice (that I know of). I thought our relationship was amazing. Just a couple weeks ago, he held me & started crying because he was so happy. Now all of a sudden, he was lying to himself?? I want to do the NC Rule, but it’s really hard considering he’s all I have, I don’t work at the moment, I do school online, & I’m pregnant so my hormones are already out of control. I’m having the hardest time, help me???

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 8:25 am

Hi Bailey,

are you married? Is he the one supporting you financially?

Sara

February 28, 2016 at 1:17 pm

Hi,

I am in one month no communication rule right now. And i think it is getting better. I need to heal myself also and him.
We broke up a month ago, him saying that our relationship won’t work anymore because he shifted to another country for a job. And his situation right now is very bad.
And I think he got tired of me also because of my negative attitude (no trust, doubting him always, fighting and complaining).
But then i still care and always think about him. No one initiates to contact each other after the break up. I am not ready also to do anything and i know contacting him wont help his situation. So i just let go and i dont know what will happen in the future. now, i just want to forget. but my mind is always with him and i am over analyzing the situation. What to do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2016 at 3:51 pm

Hi Sara,

if you’re not ready, dont’ do it.. But it’s ok if you’re the one to initiate, what matters more is how you end it and that you’re one to end the convo.

Sam

February 28, 2016 at 1:16 pm

My bf and I were together for 10 months. It has always been an on and off relationships somehow. Every dispute would end up by a break up, coming from him most of the time. Recently I asked him why he had so many girl friends on fb. He freaked out and erased them all, then asked me to do the same. I did, but not entirely. He got mad, and asked me to show him all my conversations. I refused. He took it anyway, and saw his name in a convo with a male friend, where I was asking for advice. I got scared and took my phone back. He left saying I was the worst thing that ever happened to him, and that he was a cheating bitch anyway. I don’t know what to do..this was a couple days ago, we haven’t talked since. should I just start the nc?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2016 at 3:50 pm

Hi Sam,

My question is, don’t you trust each other?

Michael

February 27, 2016 at 11:51 pm

Hi
I met a beautiful woman in October last year. We fell head over heals for each other and we both agreed that it felt like we had known each other for years. Anyway I ran a small company and had issues with getting orders out on time to a point where I got quite a lot of bad feedback. Well this new lady had a couple of jealous friends and they put my name in the Google and borought up all the negative comments. So they told her and on the first of January 2016 she asked me to leave. After that the first two weeks she would not speak as I did make-mistake of emailing her all the time telling her I loved her etc. She contacted me again but a again I did the same. In the last message she said I was her only true love but that she could not trust me again. I thought like most people we could have sat down like adults and sorted it out but she was quite adamant that it could not be resolved. She said that she had bad experiences with her partners.

Michael

February 28, 2016 at 11:28 pm

Hi. Yes she needed trust, which I can accept. If it was not her friends then she would not have known a thing. I was going to tell her at a later date. She has now blocked me again but I am on day two of the no contact rule, it is hard. As I said before do you think she will make contact again? She said I was her one and only true love
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 29, 2016 at 1:12 pm

But business problems doesn’t have anything to do with a relationship… that’s business… I think she just listens to her friend too much..
if that’s how she really is, to be frank her friends might even stop her from contacting you and she will listen..

She should have talked to you first if it was really a concern for her… But go in with no contact.. let her be for now.. Your silence might even help her to realize that she has to make her own decisions
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2016 at 2:50 pm

Hi Michael,

She got upset because of the bad feedbacks u
in your business?

Nicole

February 26, 2016 at 3:39 pm

My situation has me in a confused mess. I dated this person for a year and a half, and got broken up with about two months ago. We are both athletes and he said he wanted to focus more on his sport as this was important year for him and he did not want to be distracted by the relationship and the problems we were having. We basically play the same sport, so I would always help and encourage him to do so well and was literally such a huge fan! I was so into him and his love for the sport, as I play basically the same thing and can relate to the ups and downs. He did not have the best season the year before when we were dating so he figured it was the relationship holding him back. Plus, i was not myself for awhile I had anxiety and had no idea how to get out of the funk. The first month I contacted and expressed my feelings, and he continued to tell me he loved and missed me in return, and how he wishes he was not so weird about this whole season thing. He also told me to not wait around, and move on because he wanted me happy. But every time he saw me out he would get extremely jealous. He would blow up my phone and make a scene and always say “this is it we are done for good.” Meanwhile, I see him doing whatever he wants, and dancing with girls to make me jealous, and his teammates were always around to make sure when he tried to talk to me they pulled him away. I feel like his roommates have a huge influence on this right now. So I eventually stopped saying i loved him and said okay when he would tell me not to wait, and I did not contact him for a week. Then I caved in, and texted him the week that my sport season started and he said he was so excited to hear from me and how he was thinking about how he just was going to reach out to me…but still wanted to focus on his season. So I said okay to him saying move on and he got mad and snappy with me in return with a short response. So it has been two weeks since that conversation, and I have not reached out at all. Recently, I have realized he blocked me on social media and was tweeting things about how “things never change” which is something he would say to me when he is upset. So it upsets me because here I was doing everything i could to show him i care, and was not getting mad at him for making me jealous ( or atleast showing it) and now he is acting like this? Last week was his first season week, and I did not text him good luck because I wanted to show him I am not the distraction, and he did not do as well as he could have. He seems angry at me. Do you think it is because of the no contact? I am just so confused because I dont want him thinking i am a bad person, and I love the kid and care about him so so much. I dont know what to do , or think, or what is best for him to come to his sense’s and realize I was good to and for him. We both are each others first love, and literally spent so much time together. I am just so confused and do not know if i am doing the right thing or not. As it is clear we both are hurting, so will the no contact help us? or do you think I need to close the book and move on. ahhh!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 7:33 am

Oh okay.. I thought you were going to ask if you should message now..If the other option is to move on.. then jist contnue with nc..but if you’re wondering too if you should message now, for me, no. Because I think he gets mad because he’s used to you reaching out and him getting the attention.. It’s like he’s having tantrum becausw he’s not getting what he wants right now

Beatrice

February 26, 2016 at 5:42 am

I messed up and broke the NCR and replied to his message. He was keeping in touch as a friend, but I got confused. I replied and we were keeping up friendly texts. I rushed things and had a talk with him about getting back together, and he said no. We have since been broken up for 6 weeks. He said it would not work anymore, and even though it is difficult we should move on. I accepted that and said we should stop contacting from hereon.
Do you think that despite all these there is still a chance it could work? Especially since Chris mentioned before that it takes 60 days to break the habit. We are going to exceed 60 days if I restart NCR again.
In any case, I am going to restart NCR, and am speaking to a therapist on moving on and focusing on myself. Perhaps I do not even want to get back with my ex anymore. but if I still do, do you still think there is a chance? I have the exboyfriend recovery PRO, do I just restart NCR and follow up from there?
He was very firm on not getting back together and it seems to me he no longer has feelings for me. Is it possible?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2016 at 11:45 am

Hi Beatrice,

Though we can’t guarantee for sure that you’ll be back together, as I see it in your situation, it looks like after your nc, it would be like a total restart.. don’t think if it as a continuation from yiur previous relationship, think of it like starting out as friends again after everything

Alexis

February 25, 2016 at 10:02 pm

Hi,

My gf and I just broke up. The break up wasn’t bad and the reasons are that we were constantly arguing over minor things but in truth she felt that I didn’t care, support, or made her a priority. She is wrong but possibly correct in so far as I should have shown her this more than I did. She said she needs time to try and let go of the past arguments and pain, which I understand. She tells me that if she can do that then she will come back of which I do not doubt. My trouble is that she finds it quire difficult to let go of things.

She asked me if we could still talk and meet and I said of course and I will be there for her. I can implement the nc rule, however there’s a possible kicker to all this in that she might possibly be pregnant. I expect to hear quite soon. I would of course have to acknowledge news of a negative result and obviously deal with a positive result in a more hands on manner.

If the result is positive and I start the nc rule after acknowledging this and she then contacts me at a later point, would it be bad for our chances if I ignored her considering I agreed to speak to her?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2016 at 8:29 am

Hi Alexis,

Don’t do nc yet.. It’s not the right time.. You can give her distance though…don’t initiate a text or call and when she does, keep it straight to the point but light..

Leia

February 25, 2016 at 9:13 pm

Hi There,

I have been friends with this guy for over 4 years now .. .we use to work together and then he got a new job but we still kept in contact after he left. A few months later joined the crossfit gym that he goes to because he had been telling me to join for a really long time.

About a month into being at the same gym as him (July 2015) … he was drunk one night and he told me he liked me and thought he thought I was hot. Which at the time was weird to me bc I never thought about him in that way. So the next day we talked about it and he said he was just drunk. A week after that we were out drinking and the both of us kissed … and it felt so right. But after we talked about it but things kind of went weird. I talked about it nearly a month after it had happened and he basically told me that my feelings were all in my head and he never thought I would ever have feelings forh im. So we continued to be friend.

In October he was going on a trip and we went drinking a few days before and we ended up kissing again and at that point I asked him what he wanted and he said he didn’t know and that he wanted to think about it. When he got back from his trip he never mentioned anything to me.

In November, we went to a party and the same thing happened again we made out and everyone saw us. And this time we both kind of didn’t talk about it again but acknowledged that it kept on happening.

In December, things seemed to change for him I don’t know what it was but he came to our old work Christmas party he took me out for drinks and egg nog an we were driving and he brought up how we always kissed when we were drunk but never acknowledged what this was … so I asked him and he said he doesn’t know. We hung out on Christmas Day, new years day, he is so introverted and secretive but he told one of our friends about us and said he doesn’t know what to do.

Since January .. we have hung out every weekend doing fun things, going for dinner, yoga, we see each other at the gym all the time. He always wants to know what i’m doing, etc. A week ago I finally told him how I felt and told him how I had feelings for him and wanted to see where things would go … he at that time seemed like he was touched by what I was saying and appreciated the honesty. he told me he knows he needs to acknowledge our situation and needed some time to think because he wasn’t expecting to have that conversation that day but told me that it’s on his mind all the time..

A few days later we went shopping and he never mentioned the conversation or anything. So this past sunday I told him that I am having a difficult time while we are in limbo and understand that he needs time to think so I said to him that we shouldn’t talk/hang out until he decides if he wants to be with me or not. He responded with that he understands, and says he’s an idiot for dragging me on and will sort himself out. It’s been 4 days and I have not heard anything. Do I just avoid him at the gym and not go to the same classes or should I be contacting him? His Birthday’s in a few days so I don’t even know if I should wish him a happy birthday.

Leia

March 1, 2016 at 8:51 pm

Hi There,

So he messaged me yesterday saying he doesn’t know what he want’s and that we are really close and that he doesn’t want to stop talking to me and feels his back is up against the wall. I then asked him how he felt and he says he doesn’t think he has feelings like that and that he considers me a friend like one of his best friends and then said he knows what I want but he thought about it a lot and said I wouldn’t be happy with him. He said the kissing complicates things for him and the nice stuff I do so he feels that he should reciprocate because he cares and that he didn’t think I was as serious about my feelings as I am and that he has trouble believe that these feelings are so strong. He said that dragging this out was because he cares about me and doesn’t want to hurt me but he knows that it’s even worse letting all this happen. I don’t know what to think … does this mean he never actually had feelings and just led me on fully? Or htat he is still confused. Do I implement a NC … he said he isreally sorry and that I’m right that he messed up bad. ANd doesn’t want to stop talking to me but accepts my decision to not be friends. It just all makes no sense :s. Perhaps you have some insight?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 3:17 pm

oh, he’s just beig kind because he still knows you want him back.. so, in short you’re friendzoned too..

yeah, do no contact and click this blog post..
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
Leia

February 26, 2016 at 9:24 pm

Do you think that since it’s been 5 days since NC and his birthday is on Sunday … I should still not message? I feel bad but he never gave me an answer to what I asked him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 9:20 am

yeah, it’s better not to, so, it won’t initiate a conversation
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2016 at 8:26 am

Hi Leia,

Oh, avoid hin in the mean time.. treat it like a no contact period… He probably thinks you’re going to message anytime soon because you’re the one who always initiates.. so, he be thinking now why you haven’t

Kristoffer

February 25, 2016 at 12:01 pm

Ive had a relationship for 4 years now, after 2 years it ended and we got back together after 3 months. Now we both decided( i was the one breaking it up) because i felt we had too, i didn’t want it, but it felt right, it’s tough and i’m really missing her and can’t go any day without thinking of her. Our issue was that she’s going in School and has a degree while i dont know what to do, i tried School but i just failed because i can’t focus properly and was not motivated. She always blamed that we kinda grew apart, which i understand. I would rather be playing video games 4 hours + a day and dont Train etc i’m 24… But after the breakup im kinda mind changed about stuff, it’s been 2 weeks since the breakup and i want her badly back, i haven’t played video games since that time and not even eated candy or drank and energy drink which i used to do each day. Because i know deep Down that it’s not something i want for myself. Started training and gonna try joining the old football team again here in hopes of getting New friends( have nobody left…)
Ive read alot about the NC( no contact) rule and i just can’t help but to send snapchat( mystory in hopes that she will se that ive changed) In the start i told her i needed Space and i would prefer we dont talk and she agreed. But i just fell short and after 3 days i said “fuck it, we should be able to talk if it’s necessary” and she agreed, so we talk maybe like each 2 days With just some small talk, really small.
ive tried writing stuff Down, like ALOT, i even fcked up once and sent her a long Message, that i had been having a worse time and that i wanted her to know i apriciated the time we had together before. she kindly replied back etc, but i know it was a HUGE mistake even tough i ment 100% of it.
Problem im facing now is that she’s busy like 24/7. party With School friends and the School Club she’s in. She’s doing what i did last time she broke up. But now i dont have friends to party With as we moved back home, and i dont have friends here.. ( why ima join football team) So the spare time i got which ima gonna focus on training beside work is kinda huge. Got any advice on how to not text her. Should i get a calander as they say and mark each day from contacting her?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 2:37 pm

Hi Krostoffer,

write down the reasons why not to text her.. it’s good that you’re training again keep it up and push for making new friends

Ella

February 25, 2016 at 2:38 am

Hi, I’ve been dating a guy for four months. Two months in, he told me he didn’t know what he wanted, he had thought he wanted a relationship but now wasn’t sure. He told me he hadn’t been seeing anyone else since our second date (we had never had the exclusivity talk). He obviously still wanted to be friends, and pursued that heavily – he would text often (many times per day) and still wanted to be a part of my life. When we would get together, he would be very flirty and not act like “just a friend.” Of course, we would end up sleeping together sometimes. However, he also started using online dating apps again. I ended things three times, telling him I couldn’t handle him seeing other people and still seeing me – especially after finding out that he had started actually dating one other person (4 dates, but probably lots of talking. And she managed to get it across that there would be no sleeping together until a relationship). However, we would always end up talking again, and he would say he missed me, and would immediately start acting like everything was okay again. He reiterated several times that he just couldn’t be tied down, and didn’t know if he wanted a relationship, even with the other girl he was seeing. I ended things again two days ago, telling him I couldn’t handle this anymore. He seemed to finally understand it and told me he was sorry for being so selfish and trying to keep me around when it was obviously hurting me. I texted twice after, once to tell him I was blocking him from contacting me. And another time to say sorry for overreacting and to tell him that he wasn’t the only one who acted selfishly. Neither of which he responded to (first time this ever happened). I think we had a connection and do think he cared about me. But it was a short relationship, and was never exclusive. I know I can’t contact him anymore. But is it worth it to try this out and hope that after no contact he might be ready to move forward with me? Or do you think I should just realize that he wasn’t into a relationship with me because the connection wasn’t strong enough for him? And that nothing I can do will make him want one with me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 1:24 pm

Hi Ella,

What of it’s because he’s really not ready for a commitment? You have to keep in mind that if you try again, he made it clear that he juat wants an open relationahip and trying again means you’re agreeing with that condition

Nicole

February 24, 2016 at 11:38 am

Hello,

I am currently on day 12 of no contact, up until today I have had absolutely no problem in up keeping but today, for no apparent reason I find myself really missing him and wanting to talk.

I know I need to focus on other things and on myself and stay strong and if I gave it will be counter productive. I guess I haven’t really got a question as I know the answer but is there anything you can advise in way of support?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 12:55 pm

Hi Nicole,

That’s normal.. do something whenever you miss, or go out or call friend to divert your attention

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