The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Raina

January 22, 2016 at 11:28 am

I also want to know, shall I block him during these no contact time? For if he contacts I find it hard to resist. What if I don’t contact him and he moves on? It keeps me worried.

Raina

January 29, 2016 at 9:11 am

Hello,
I have been following the NC. But in the mean time my BF started creating trouble for our common friends accusing them manipulating my mind. Those friends were irritated enough to cut ties with me. My BF in the meantime texted me repeatedly asking why am I doing enmity with him and why am I being manipulated by others and not keeping in touch with him. To this I replied nothing of these is true, for I have nothing to do with what others are saying, it’s HIS decision that is causing me distress so I found it fit not to disturb and contact. This resulted in some emotional exchanges between us (not angry accusation, but I expressed my regret how happy we could have been and how hard it is to part with him). This made him silent. I wrote that if our relation is disturbing him, I will not contact him anymore or come in his way no matter how painful it is. Wishing him good luck I ended my message. Neither of us contacted after that.
Since we are at the same work place, we saw each other but none said anything.
Now my question is : since I broke the NC is there any hope left?
What should be my further course of action.
Thank you for your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2016 at 2:28 pm

if your not talking, it’s like you’re restarting no contact already.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2016 at 2:56 pm

One month is short for somebody to move on. Hmm.. yeah you can block him, he won’t know it until he checks and if he checks, that means he cares.

Raina

January 22, 2016 at 10:46 am

Few months back I lost my mum, this is the time my boyfriend came into my life. He became the shoulder where I can cry. From the very beginning (within the first week) he was adamant getting married to me, wanted to have rings put on so that I may never leave him. We were very intimate and I wanted to take him to my family. Though he never took me to his family, he took me to his friends. Then suddenly, after two months of being together,one day he said he does not trust me and he is not sure of his feeling for me. He needs time. He left. I kept on begging him to come back, for I hardly have anybody else but him. Everyday I pleaded to him to give our relation a chance, and I shared my ID password, and let him check my phones, and let him know my whereabouts each moment to gain trust. He came back. But again after one and a half month from this incident he tried avoiding me. I kept on asking what is wrong with him, he said he is just busy. Another one and a half month passed when he finally said he is confused whether he loves me or not. I tried to follow no contact, he contacted me and gave in to temptation. Then he said its his family who won’t accept me so he is leaving. How can I get him back? I feel my world is lost. Please kindly advice me

Raina

January 31, 2016 at 5:31 pm

Hello,
My BF texted me accusing me of spreading false rumour against him. To my utter shock I found that it was from our common friends he got this sort of information. In spite of my repeated denial, he refuses to believe that I have said anything like that. And he says that he has nothing more to do with me and it is better to keep each other’s respect and part our way. I have said alright to it though I never admitted to this false accusation.
Is there any further hope for me?
Thank you for your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2016 at 9:43 am

Let your actions prove the rumors wrong. If you’re doing what’s right , you have nothing to worry about.
Raina

January 22, 2016 at 6:38 pm

Thank you for such a quick response. What should I do now? Shall I go into no contact mode for one month? Yes whenever I have blocked him, he called me from other number and said why did I block him. Last when I went to no contact mode (10 days back) he contacted me and I could not control and talked to him. But when I started talking to him he started telling that it’s his family and also he is confused about his feeling for me so he does not want this relation. Please guide me. It is very confusing.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 3:09 pm

Definitely do no contact and stick to it. He has to make up his mind and you have to stop appearing like you’re always there whenever he just feels like to be ok with you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2016 at 2:58 pm

Hi Raina,
Honestly, I think you became needy and too available. And because of that he felt pressured with the relationship

Mallory

January 22, 2016 at 12:49 am

Hi.

I was in an on again off again relationship for the past year. My ex has broken up with me a total of four times. This last time we weren’t officially dating but acting like we were for months, and everything was going great, and all of a sudden last week he told me that we don’t have a romantic connection and there isn’t enough chemistry. As I said he has now done this to me four times. He always comes back. Sometimes it takes weeks up to two months, but never wants a commitment right away like he did at the beginning,

This time was the last straw and I am determined to do no contact for the full thirty days. If he texts me during this time, should I completely ignore him? He gets very offended if I don’t text him back right away but he hasn’t texted me for four days now, and as history shows, I feel like he will text me again sometime in the near future. This time around I plan on dating, hanging with friends and not reaching out to him at all

So completely ignore if he reaches out? Or just give him snippets? Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 11:55 am

Hi Mallory,

If you’re really determined, you have totally ignore him for 30 days.

Mj

January 21, 2016 at 8:08 pm

There’s something that haopened. It’s one week today after we broke up. My ex and I had a talk two days ago. It feels like closure and at the same time, it’s not. What it did is make both of us feel good and gave me this sense of false reassurance. It made me feel that we’re okay for a while but of course we’re not.

He said that he loves me so much and it frustrates him so much because he couldn’t find it in himself how he’s going to show and make me feel that he cares. Thus the break up even if he really didn’t want to leave me. He said he feels that he’s being unfair and that I deserve someone better.

The conversation wrapped up with him saying that I’m going to find a guy who would love and take care of me in a way that he can’t. He said that it’s better for us to start being happy without each other in our lives. So we’re in no contact rn which is suggested by him.

It confuses me because one moment he’s saying that he believes that we will be able to get back together then the next he’s saying I should give other guys a chance. I feel like the change was because of something I said in the conversation. 🙁

How should I deal with this? He’s really not talking to me and is really serious in having no contact. I still can’t give up on us. Please advice me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 1:50 pm

Hi Mj,

If he’s really not talking to you at the moment, then all you can do is do active no contact until he’s ready to have a proper conversation.

Amanda

January 20, 2016 at 10:41 pm

I did the no contact rule and blocked him from my phone. He did try to contact me and realized he was blocked so had his son text me. They wanted to make arrangements to get his stuff back. So I did make arrangement, but then he cancelled it. Anyway, after the end of the no contact I did txt about something that actually did happen that reminded me of him. And he replied with something that had recently happened that reminded him of me. I said that I really wouldn’t mind mailing his stuff to him and long story but he can’t receive it where he is so I said that perhaps I could mail it to his dad. He said ok, but doesn’t know his dad’s address butwould txt his dad and would get it to me. Which is odd because up until a 6 months ago he lived next door to him and he lived in that house with his father for 20 years. Well he called the next morning and was super friendly and said he was sorry he had told me we couldn’t be friends ever and that he would like that and that he was really surprised I had contacted him. We talked for about 15 mins and he brought up a lot about our relationship and I kept it light and said we both did things, etc. But he sounded like he had a laundry list of things about me that were wrong. He wasn’t angry but did sound like he’s been stewing a bit. But I kept my cool and kept it friendly. Anyway, we ended the call politely and after we hung up I realized I didn’t get that address. So I texted him and said oops forgot to get your dad’s address. Well no reply. No Address. So what does this mean? What should my next steps be?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 12:19 pm

Hi Amanda,

Don’t rest again about it. From what you said, he’s emotional, he’s just holding it in.

Ian

January 20, 2016 at 6:37 pm

My girlfriend cheated and likes this person. Now she doesn’t know if she wants to be with me. Please help What should I do because I still love her?

Ian

January 21, 2016 at 5:26 pm

She told one of our circle of friends she havent seen him since I found out so she needs to figure out what she wants. I started no contact 2 days ago. 21st of January makes the 3rd day. She called and texted the first day and just texted the second day. So should I continue to do NC for 21 or 30 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 1:38 pm

You can do 21 days and if want to extend, go ahead!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2016 at 12:08 pm

Hi Ian,

Have you done no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2016 at 12:09 pm

and also you might want to check this site more appropriate for you and you can find other comments that can help you as well. http://www.exgirlfriendrecovery.com

Ana Carolina

January 20, 2016 at 4:43 pm

Dear Chris,
I am a person receiving No Contact rule from someone I dated for short term.
I really need advice….how to react of his decision. Because I really want him back to me.
He is the only person I want to be together…..That’s why I visited your site and read all the articles.

In the begging of our date, I felt that he was almost ‘crazy’ of me. At the first date, I’ve ever had that strong feeling from someone. He opened everything of him, I felt strong trusts and we made plans together, he introduced all of his best friends..it was really good start.
After one moth of our date, he told me that I am not the person he wants to have a family together. He said he doesn’t have same feeling as his ex-girlfriend (8 years relationship, He finished 2 years ago with problems). It was hard to believe that he said. We didn’t have any problem during our date…I got upset because he didn’t give me long enough chances and cut me off.
However, I accepted and told him that maybe we could be a friend, because I liked him as a person, even he is not my life partner, I would be happy to see him, maybe I could have second chance with him….
He was thinking few days and agreed to be a friend. so we became a friend.
We were texting and talking on the phone sometimes, we met twice after finished up. We went to lunch together, we went to museum together, and had nice conversations as a friends.

After few month later, I went to backpack traveling for a while. I didn’t contact (phone and internet) him much during my trip, maybe once a week.
Instead of phone and internet, I wrote a hand writing letters, took a polaroid pictures and sent him everyday, at the every places I visited.
My letters and pictures, I could do that to other friends and family, it was very normal things on my friendship and backpacking. I didn’t want to anything from that, I didn’t expect anything.

After I got back home, he was still very nice to me, asked me the trip, and my feeling. (But he didn’t share his life even I asked…)
Few weeks ago, he received part of my mails. Unfortunately, mail delivered very slowly, it took a month to deliver. It was kind of surprise for him…
When he found the mails at the post box, he was so excited like a child and sent me a long messages.
And very next day, he stop talking to me until today.
He could received all the post mails from my trip, it could be about 10 letters on my total trip period.
I wrote very general things, about trips, never mentioned about our times or my feeling of us. Because I know that he doesn’t want back together.
I am sure, my letters were too much pressure he saw something negative and decide to stop talking to me….
I wanted to checking what is this silence, so I sent three messages two weeks period, he didn’t respond.
The longest days he didn’t respond me was three days, he always apologized me when he couldn’t answer. But…now…he absolutely ignores me.
This Silence is killing me and makes me crazy…
Do you think…Is this meaning….Are we over? Should I stop having a hope?
Should I stop contacting him and respect his reaction…?

You wrote the No Contact Rule for ex-boyfrind back, and make the happening possible and positive. What about on the other situation of No Contact Rule? Like my situation…..I am a receiver But I want my ex-boyfriend back….
What should I do? Wait? Should I ask him why? Should I do No Contact as well?
If he never contact me again..?
He and I didn’t have enough time to know each other and make strong connections compare to other people here, 5years-8years relationships.
But I want to have hope, I don’t want to give up…
Please…Advice me….

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 11:17 am

Hi Ana Carolina

Since you already asked him why he’s not contacting, stop for now and do your own no contact. You’re a traveler and a traveler never settles on one place to explore. Take this part of your life like traveling, it’s just one of experiences you will have in your travels.

Eliz

January 20, 2016 at 1:56 am

Hi Amor,
Here is my situation:
My boyfriend of a year and I have been fighting a lot lately. Actually, it has been me fighting with him because he can never communicate with me properly and I build up resentment over our issues. We have basically been living together for the last 5 months. I was typically at his house 6 nights a week. He is beginning his season of sports and asked to have some space so he could focus on it, i initially acted insulted that he needed space but then agreed. I spent the last week away from him to give him space and saw him yesterday. We got into a big fight because I asked if I could spend another night rather than just one. We ended up getting over it and acting normal again but we didn’t really resolve the issue. This morning when he drove me to work I told him I still felt bad about the situation and he told me he said nothing to say. I asked what we should do and he said “I don’t know”. Lastly I asked if he was concerned and he said “yes. I love you.” And we kissed goodbye. We haven’t talked to each other since that interaction this morning. My question is, am I able to implement the no contact rule when we didn’t technically break up? We are unsure what to do and I think we both just need some space from one another. I used the 30 day no contact in the past when we broke up and it worked perfectly, he came crawling back and treated me so well.. For like a month and then he got lazy again. Should I just give him a couple days to cool down and then apologize? Or wait for him to message me? I’m not sure. Please help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2016 at 3:58 pm

Hi Eliz,

I think he just needs space. Maybe he really needs it because it’s the beginning of the sports season. I don’t know how sports seasons workas there, but can you watch during practice for support? Or why not just be in his place to help him out, like prepare his dinner when he gets home, and maybe having dinner together, so you can bond while he’s busy. You don’t have to sleep there but at least you get to be together.
Eliz

January 21, 2016 at 3:54 pm

He is now acting normal, I am hesitant

Tina

January 19, 2016 at 2:30 am

Hello.my name is Tina. My boyfriends cheating is stillbfresh and new and I need to know what to do. First let me say that a women’s intuition is crazy.. but mine never fells me. We dated long distance for a while.he moved back home here he said so we can be together. He got a great new job t a firm..and I believe started feeling himself a little too much. I gave this man the world. I was good to him and er had sex on the regular.. and I mean all kind of ways.. so I was totally shock to know he cheated. He started hanging out with the fellows at his favorite cigar spot. And a few regulars there we’re women. Now I’m a firm believer to trust men until they show you something different. I never hassled him about his favorite spot. I never nagged… he assured me it was just the fellows. I found out recently that he cheated and a host of other lies. He confessed stating there was no substance in this other chick..just a girl from the past who he always wanted. She showed him attention.. it was convient..and bam there it was. I asked that he call her and breaks it off in front of me..and no more cigar bar for a while. Although he opened up..and seemed remorseful..he is not willing to do anything I ask for a security be cause he doesn’t want to give up his cigar friends and spot.he wants me to trust he will handle it. I gave in reluctantly.. I have Eben had wild sex with him hoping to keep him. He said it makes him realize he messed up..but now I’m still the one calling and he still seems to be lying..what to I do? Will NC work?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 5:07 am

Hi Tina,

Sex is not the way to get what you want and besides you’re not earning his respect by doing it that way. If you keep giving him everything you will appear as just a girl who is always there and available. Be firm on your standards if you say that you don’t want something, be firm that you really don’t want it. Don’t give in to his request if he keeps doing the same thing that hurts you. No contact will help you in some way with showing your ground but its not a 100% guarantee that he will change.

Meg

January 18, 2016 at 6:00 pm

Hey guys! My bf broke up five days ago. I spoiled him too much and he thought i was no longer a challenge or interesting woman. He loves me but lost atraction since i was always too available sometimes clingy and needy. Point is im very atractive woman. All the guys check etc. And he still loves me. But i want to change my image and teach the boy a lesson. He is quite younger than me. My question is: i started nc right away with no begging, only during the last talk i argue that the points were no such big deal we couldnt work on. But i guess he wants to check around. He alreasy contacted me today so i gueas he is the clueless guy hehe s. Something was not vlear: what if he shows up at my job during nc? I work in a bar. Or what if he shows up at my place? Or apologize and ask to talk over etc? Still keep nc? How tobdeal whem we bump into each other? Im really avoiding common places cauee im taking this reshape image very serious.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 7:36 pm

HI meg,
since you didn’t really broke up, why not tell him what you want then limit contact by doing activities alone to show him you’re serious about what you want?

JustPetra

January 18, 2016 at 9:39 am

hi.
this is my situation. we were together for 2 years, but it was a long distance relationship, although, we were seeing each other for every two weeks, and i every free time we got. When we started it was a relationship we needed to fight for, cause of our age difference, and distance. but we managed, for 2 years. and from my point of view everything in our relationship was looking completely fine, there was no actual problem between us, i mean, we would have fight and everything, but we would make up fast. and now, few days ago, that person started being very weird, and depressive. Did’t want to talk much, neither to me or anyone else, so i maybe pushed and initiated a conversation a little. that is when that person said she wants some kind of “pause” from us just clear his head, but still wants me in her life, and than 3 days after that, wanted to break up. Just like that. So it is very weird for me to even understand what happened and why.
Should I use the NC rule? what are your thoughts about the whole thing?
Thank you very much

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 10:17 am

Hello Just Petra,
Before NC have you asked her whybthe sudden change of heart?

Kelly

January 17, 2016 at 11:36 pm

Hi Chris,
I’m in a complicated relationship with my girlfriend of 5 years. I recently learned she cheated. She told me she likes the other person. So basically she was having an affair for a month. She got to know a lot about him and told me she had sex only once. I’m lost because a part does want to work on relationship. We did have a lot of issues. We argue alot and I didn’t show her a lot of affection. I know what it takes to make things better. I kicked her out when I learned of her infidelity. She say she still loves me. She’s confused, doesn’t know what she wants and that her head is everywhere because she does like him. We went out a couple times since she moved out but I just feel worse because I don’t know if she really wants me anymore. She also so wishy washy about making plans with me. She said she haven’t seen him but once since she moved out. She told me she texted him a couple of times and they have talked on phone. Please help. What should I do? I love her but can’t stay in relationship if she lost interest. Should I do NC or not?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 10:23 am

Hi Kelly,
I think you should do NC

Rachel

January 17, 2016 at 12:01 pm

I am in 2 weeks of nc but our mutual friend is having a birthday dinner with around 8 of us and my ex bf will be there! Should i say hello? Or sit far away as possible and ignore him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 10:37 am

Let it be natural but don’t put yourself in a situation that it’s going to be hard to not talk to him. Yes, sit far from but if you bump into each other just smile and walk away

Jessie

January 17, 2016 at 5:45 am

Hello,

My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. It’s actually been 30 days since we broke up but neither of us told the other about this “no contact” rule. My friend just told me to give him space. After our break up, I did email him a thank you letter for teaching me to love. I didn’t expect a response, but I wanted to let him know that I really was grateful for our 5+ years together. Of course, my friends (who are also his friends) found out I emailed him and yelled at me for it. That didn’t make me feel good.

I emailed him one more time to tell him that anything I say to him is something I’d like to keep between us and us only. I didn’t want other people involved in our relationship. I sent that a month ago.

He has not reached out to me and I respect him too much to break the space between us. I was toxic in our relationship and he probably needed to break free from me. I am working on myself and even got into therapy to figure out my personal issues. I have deleted him from facebook and other social media. My feelings are going from being okay to letting him go to sometimes wondering about reconciliation. I feel like my issues are something that I could actively work on, but I don’t really know what to expect from NC. I am focusing on myself as much as possible as I have career goals to work towards. It’s becoming easier to let go than want him back, but since he dumped me, I feel like he will no longer love me and will move on so I should too. I did unblock him from Google+ a few days ago since we used to communicate with each other through that, but I’m not sure if that’s worth anything anymore. I don’t expect him to contact me.

I could use some advice as I’m starting to abandon hope.

Jessie

January 18, 2016 at 3:54 pm

That’s the thing, neither of us mentioned NC rule so I have no idea how long he needs. My friends told me to give him space and not contact him. I didn’t even know about NC until I was suffering heartache. He said he didn’t want to cut me out of his life during the break up and didn’t want to make promises that we could get back or be friends.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 7:49 pm

then maybe follow 39 days then initiate contact
Jessie

January 17, 2016 at 7:11 pm

Even if he was the one to break it off and probably needs to cool down, should I be the one to initiate contact? I’m not sure where to go from here.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 11:11 am

If he needs to cool down, did he mention how long? It’s OK to initiate contact. To be safe maybe make it after 30 days
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 7:43 am

Hi Jessie,

It’s good that you’re working on yourself and acknowledging your shortcomings but a relationship takes two people to work. If you want to try the next steps after NC, why not? If you’ve given your best and it doesn’t work it out, it will be easier to move on than regret not trying.

Raina

January 17, 2016 at 12:49 am

Hi,

My boyfriend of a year just broke up with me last week after taking a 2 month break to think about it. When he dumped me, he said he still wanted to be friends and didn’t want me to stop coming out to hang out with our mutual friends (we have a lot of them) because he finds me fun and engaging etc, etc…I told him that I’d like to be friends too since the breakup was pretty civil and he’s a good guy, but that I probably wouldn’t come out right away because I was probably gonna be sad for a bit and needed some time. Does the fact that I told him that ruin the whole point of NC? Did I mess up from the get go, or can NC still be effective?

Raina

January 17, 2016 at 4:19 am

Yeah, exactly. But okay, thanks, I appreciate the help :). Here’s hoping all goes well.
Raina

January 17, 2016 at 3:23 am

Okay, thanks. So, it’s not a bad thing that I admitted to him that I was sad and needed time? I just didn’t know if it was bad that he pretty much already knows he can’t be expecting to hear from me in the near future.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 4:09 am

Hmmm.. Is it because with others, the other person doesn’t know why the NC iniatiator suddenly stopped contacting? Well even though he knew you needed time, he doesn’t know how long you would take and it doesn’t change the possibility of him missing you.
Raina

January 17, 2016 at 1:27 am

In October, he said he needed some time to finish the semester (he was still in school) and think about us and whether he wanted to go forward. So neither of us spoke to each other much during that time. I saw him a few times at events and stuff and he texted me to wish me merry christmas, but then after the holidays he came back and broke up with me because he said the spark was gone and even though there was nothing I’d really done wrong he just didn’t feel like he wanted the relationship anymore, so he broke up with me, and that’s when I said that I’d need some time before coming out with our friends again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 2:03 am

Oh Okay. First you didn’t mess up. It’s good that you’re open to be friends again but you’re right you need time. It’s also nice that you identified that you are going to be sad and you need time to go through that. With the NC, you didn’t ruin it. You can still do it and the effectivity is different from case to case. It’s not 100% guaranteed. It depends on what you two feel and do during and after NC.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 1:02 am

HI Raina,
Who took a month break? Is it him or you? Was that your NC Period?

Sheila

January 16, 2016 at 10:08 pm

Hi Amor,

Just wanted to say thank you for getting back to me so quickly – I appreciate it! 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 5:25 am

My pleasure!

Sheila

January 16, 2016 at 5:40 pm

Hi There,

Thank you for the info on this site – I plan to buy some of the materials and to apply the suggestions.

One question:

I “broke up” with a long-distance boyfriend recently. He had moved away about a decade ago without telling me why – he claims it was because he wanted to become a better man for me and work out his own issues elsewhere. (We were involved briefly with each other before he left – I was ready for a relationship, and he wasn’t).

In the meantime, I met someone else and was involved with that person for nearly a decade. Around the time that I was breaking up with the long-term boyfriend (initiated by me because we fought all the time), old flame contacted my from long distance, claimed he’s been thinking about me for ten years and that I was basically the one who got away (he had, in fact, tried to contact me several times – the first time, I ignored the letter, and the other times, he dropped by when he was in town and I didn’t know about it).

Because I was so vulnerable from the recent breakup (ex and I remained friends, and the entire breakup was hard and felt like a death – but definitely the right choice), I agreed to jump into an instant “relationship” with old flame, accompanied by a proposal of marriage (I said “yes” – I know: impulsive and illogical – and stupid!). Everything went pretty well for a little while (although we had issues because he only wanted to be in contact a few times per week – he is a person who values a LOT of personal space, and this was difficult for me on a long-distance basis). He paid for me to fly out to see him, and because we had both put so much pressure and expectation on everything, the reunion was less than spectacular. When I got back home, we fought briefly because I was insecure about his lack of contact, and I told him I resented being committed to something that felt so nebulous. He has a lot of pressure on him with the job he’s working now, but it won’t be like this when he returns – or so he says.

We mutually agreed that we love each other, but that we are going to put everything on hold until he moves back to my state (which he plans to do when he finishes the temp job he’s working now, in about six to ten months). I plan to date other people casually until he gets back, and if he and I are meant to be, then so be it.

My questions is this: Since we do both love each other and want to give the relationship another chance when he moves back, we haven’t technically “broken up” – in fact, there really wasn’t much of a real relationship to break up from. But we do want to remain friends for now – and to try again when we live in the same town. So….since I’m still kinda feeling bruised from the expectations that didn’t work out, I feel like the no-contact concept would be healthy for me at this point. But, should he contact me in the next month (and I’m pretty sure he will), would it not be okay to just send one brief text after he contacts me, just to say “Hi, hope all is well, I just need some space right now.” Then, I would initiate the 30 days of no contact. ?

I mean, we didn’t really say we were “breaking up” (not much to break up from at this point), and we agreed that we want to try again in the future – but he’s been very busy with the temp job (it really is an unusual situation and amount of pressure, and I know he isn’t exaggerating) and hasn’t contacted me in a week and a half. I feel that to ignore his potential texts/calls for a month (if he does make any!) would seem like game-playing to him, or like I’m “punishing” him for not calling/texting as often as I needed. In truth, I do need some space and time to myself to recover and repair from two breakups in six months!

Is it ever advisable to respond briefly to one text (not to initiate a conversation, but to send a quick explanatory reply), just to be polite and mention that I need some space? Or does that defeat the purpose of the no-contact strategy altogether?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 7:24 pm

Hi Sheila,

Sometimes we really just can’t help it. Our emotions overrides our logic and that’s called being human.So, dont beat yourself up about it. I agree that you can use the no contact rule as a break from all the drama in the past months. Why not just message him before starting it, so you don’t have to break the 30 days if he suddenly texts?

Mj

January 16, 2016 at 11:41 am

It’s only been a day since he broke up with me. And there was no contact since last night. This is the second break up we had; the first was where I pretty much did all the mistakes mentioned in another article and was such an emotional disaster back then.

Weirdly, I feel calm right now. I’m scared that this might just be because I haven’t fully believe this break up yet considering it’s normal for us recently not to be in constant communication because of the space he asked before. Though I’m still a tad worried that he’s going to find someone else because I really want to wok ths out with him. But I plan on proceeding with the NC rule.

However, I’m deeply regretting how I acted the last time we met. It was the day before he broke up with me. We haven’t seen each other for almost a month because university was out and when we met, I acted really irritated with him. Constantly rubbing it in him about the girls he’s talking to, all I wanted was for him to show some affection and comfort me. He did, yes, but I feel like I overdid it.

When he was breaking up with me, he mentioned how that made him feel. And he didn’t say it but I realized that I made him feel criticized and it’s making me feel so bad because that was never my intention.

My point is, I’m thinking of breaking the NC rule just to apologize to him. A part of me thinks that this is a bad idea but another cannot bear the thought that I unconsciously made him feel that and I really wanted to say sorry. What should J do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 7:49 am

Hi MJ,
Why not apologize after the NC period? It doesn’t change how sincere you are. If you want, for the mena time, you can write down what you want to say.

Emily

January 15, 2016 at 8:35 pm

My ex finished with me after three months because of his life issues. His grandad is dying and constantly in and out of hospital. My ex had also suffered with depression not so long before he met me and doesn’t deal with things very well. He said he needs time to ‘sort his life out’ and can’t commit to me properly right now.

For the whole of the relationship he was completely obsessed with me. Said that his feelings were constantly growing stronger and stronger, that I was his dream girl and that his feelings had gone past the liking stage. When he ended things with me he said he meant everything he said to me. But wouldn’t properly give me any answers to why he was acting distant and exactly what was going on with his grandad.

I tried to prevent the break up and told him that I was in love with him, however this seemed to push him away. I kept in contact with him for two weeks. Some communication was pleasant and normal conversation about what we’d been up to., but when I tried to question him about the relationship and what was going on with him he’d either ignore me or respond sounding annoyed. I have now been in NC for a week and not heard anything. What do you think my chances are of getting back with him if I follow it through to 30 days?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 8:00 am

Hi Emily,

We can’t guarantee a 100% of course. But NC helps in increasing the chances. In your case, it seems he really the space. He’s dealing with a loved one dying and I think for now what he needs is support and less pressure. Maybe because of his sadness for his granddad, he’s having a hard time maintaining a relationship.

LYDIA

January 15, 2016 at 5:03 am

Hi Chris-
I broke up with my boyfriend following14 months of being in a relationship. 8 months of our relationship was long distance as I’d moved to another state to care for my mom. After 8 months I moved back to the state he lived in and we met for the first time physically and I moved in with him. It was pretty good at first then we started breaking up and making up most times initiated by me. This last time he initiated and said we’re never on the same page and that we aren’t compatible. he stated he spoke to a friend of his that told him to get out of the relationship because I have to many problems. He said he still loved me and that he wanted to remain friends. So I moved out on New Years eve and I haven’t seen him since. I did text him 2 days later to tell him I loved him and he texted me back and said he doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore and he just wanted to move on and find his peace. I just told him I loved him and stopped stopped texting him. I haven’t tried any contact with him since because that really hurt me. despite our ups and downs I’ve always loved him I thought of him as my soul mate and I know he loved me too. Is he really over it and I should just move on? I love him and I want to be with him but I am realistic too… In my heart I don’t feel like its over I feel like he’s my person. Should I just give it some time or just move on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2016 at 12:30 pm

HI Lydia,

Thanks for being open with how you feel and being brave about admitting them. Have you tried the no contact rule? It can help clear both of you negative feelings towards the situation and remember the good times. You can use that to collect memories and use the memories to start over again after NC period. You’ll know when it’s time to move on. But if you’re gut tells you try again, why not try again after taking NC break?

« Previous 1 … 52 53 54 55 56 … 128 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”