The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Elizabeth

September 24, 2015 at 7:54 pm

Hello Chris,

I have begun NC. The NC period ends next week, and I haven’t slipped once! My question is if you think it is ok to extend NC for just a few extra days so I can make contact on a day/time that I suspect he will be more receptive at?
Lou

September 23, 2015 at 11:41 pm

Bf left open door by saying he can’t be what I need him to be right now and he can’t make me feel important now lover me deeply but doesn’t know about us and it makes him extremely sad , we night just got divorced this year. I’m over my ex but i don’t think he is just got done With nc 30 days. Now what
Isa

September 23, 2015 at 5:00 pm

Hi. My ex boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. I have an anxiety disorder and I wanted him to be with me all the time, I may say I did put too much pressure on him – talking about the future and making plans – and he didn’t even had finished his degree. He said he needs time to think, that he has many doubts about us, he’s not sure about his feelings, we need to live some things alone for a while. To do not blame myself because he has to figure out what he wants and that only time will give him the anwsers and that when and if he feels ready, he’ll let me know. I know he still feels something because he tried to see me months after we broke up. So I kept on this waiting, but nothing has changed. We talk as friends and these last months I always tried to fix things and I asked him too many times to get back together and to give me a second chance. And all he felt was pressure, he feels drained because I kept asking him to think about us. But he’s outside the country for another 6 months to do a college interchange. And there are too many parties, drinks, girls… I’m afraid that the NCR makes him think I’m ignoring him so he may get his revenge hanging out with another girls and eventually forget about me, because he’s far away… He doesn’t see me and it may helps him to forget me and that’s my biggest fear. Please, help me. Thank you.
veronicalake

September 22, 2015 at 9:10 am

Weve stayed close friends for 2 months,then he withdrew ,then I played games, then he was emotional and now it seems so unpredictable . Is it too late for n.c .We have always been amicable it will be missed with the NC .
Sarah

September 21, 2015 at 9:23 pm

Hey Chris,
Exactly 2 weeks ago my ex broke up with me. Your website has been helping me move on and feel a lot better. I have been doing the no contact rule for 5 days after begging him to take me back and blahblah blah. and I ran into him, today. Also on the Iphones you can see if a person read the text or not, should I take that off so he does not know I am ignoring him or keep it on so he knows I did see his text. I don’t know if he knows I saw him, but I just pretended I did not and ignored him. He did see me but he has not texted me either and I do not plan on texting him. What should I do? We both go to school together and are in the same program. He said that I changed him and that he is drained from the relationship and I am not the one, but tbh even if he does not come back to me I am still in the process of moving on and being a lot happier. Let me tell you, because of this website I have not been depressed at all. So even if you do not respond, thank you for being a love guru. It is nice to get a male perspective! So honestly and truthfully thank you for all you do.
Sarah

September 21, 2015 at 6:44 pm

Hey Chris,
So I am trying NC on my ex who broke up with me saying he’s “not the one for me”. I did everything wrong, hooked up, begged, cried etc. he and I are still in love but he said he was drained from the relationship because I apparently made him change. I ran into him in school but I acted like I didn’t see him and I didn’t say hi to him. It’s been 5 days since I started the NC. What should I do know?

Thank you Chris.
Cherry

September 17, 2015 at 3:44 pm

First of all its a great site..thank you alot..please ignore my grammar and mistakes.So i met this guy in college days.it was first love for both.First 1year it was amazing like a fairy tale.He was very innocent,simple and caring guy.he helped me alot in my difficult time.we both were very serious about each other and decided to get married after college.Everything was fine but sometimes i get angry easily and annoying but he understands me every time.i have hurt him alot his feelings many times but he never gave up on me.i was immature at that time.Our family were involved for marriage. we never been in long distance relationship in 5years..but due to work i had to move to another city. so the problem starts from here..everyday fighting over silly things.one day he directly told me break up i was not ready to accept.so i acted like psycho..calling him texting him but he made up his mind.it has been 4months after break up i used to call him and cry everyday.the fear of loosing him is breaking my heart.so i decided to go for NC.but the day i decided i just called him and apologize for all mistakes i did and he was talking nicely.But now he is calling every alternate day and we talk like friends.so my confusion is shall i go NC? or should i stay in touch with him.he is not saying anything about break up but not even saying anything about relationship.i am really very confuse
Lovely

September 17, 2015 at 2:12 am

my boyfriend broke up with me on our first anniversary. it was very heart breaking for me. he said that he doesn’t want to be with me and that he is looking for another woman already. i knew i wasn’t perfect in our relationship and i am willing to be my best if we ever get back together. i have been thinking if getting him back is even possible. i will try my best to get him back though whenever i ask him if he wants, he always says “no” or “sorry but no”. i have been thinking if i can really complete the no contact rule. i think i will try my best to do it for 3 months or less just until we get back, but if it will take more than 1 year i will not bother to get him back anymore. i am hoping to get support from everyone because i know how break ups hurt, specially from the person you really loved <3 good luck to everyone who will also do the no contact rule.
Rachel

September 16, 2015 at 11:02 am

My ex and I finished 4 months ago there was a lot of the usual I begged I’d cry please don’t go for the 1st 3 months we kept contact then I cut contact about a month ago he was really nice at the start of the break up but just before I started NC he seemed angry with me when I didn’t do anything wrong so anyway he never contacted me so I didn’t contact him so now I’m on day 51 of NC we are still friends on all social media and there have been times he’d post things quite obviously ment for my benefit but still no direct contact what do I do should I leave it longer he may still be angry ?? Please help
haley

September 16, 2015 at 5:33 am

Hi. I didn’t know this rule existed till now. And I messaged him heaps. And he told me all those txts helped him get over me. Do I still have a chance at this? Also we have the same friends. And it’s one of there birthdays soon. Should I go? Or just do something else with them . As it’s next week
Liza

September 15, 2015 at 11:33 am

HI CHRISS , I STARTTED THE NC RULE YESTERDAY I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING CRAZY I MISS HIM SO MUCH BUT I AM AFFRAID THAT ID I DONT CONTACT HIM HE WILL JUST THINK I DONT CARE ANYMORE AND MOVE ON OR START DAING SOMEONE ELSE I DONT WANT TO LOSE HIM I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. PLEASE HELP

Chris Seiter

October 2, 2015 at 4:47 pm

Just stay on with the no contact rule.

DO NOT BREAK!

Jewel

September 15, 2015 at 4:56 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend called it off about 1 1/2 months ago. We were in an LDR, and pretty much had an on/off again relationship for the past few years. We were supposed to take a vacation, but he called and told me that he had met another girl. I responded rather harshly and became a text gnat. After that day, I didn’t contact him, and he didn’t contact me. I sent him a text two days ago, which would make it about 40 days of NC. I attempted to text him something memorable about the sport he loves since it is football season. He hasn’t responded yet. In the past, he would call before 30 days were up or at least answer when I called. Is he over me? Do I still have a chance?
Nicole

September 13, 2015 at 6:17 pm

My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke it off with me because he wasn’t sure if it was what he wanted for the rest of his life (he calls it trying to find himself), but a month after we split he started dating someone younger, and no one even knew we had broken up except our families. The no contact rule would be easy to do if we didn’t share an apartment together (thou he has been staying at his parents since the split, but is still paying his half of the rent) and have bills together and that’s the only reason we text or talk. I try and keep the conversations to just talking about our bills but it seems like he’s trying to carry on the conversations to talk about stuff besides money. And he’s the one that said we shouldn’t talk everyday because then he wouldn’t know if he really misses me, but yet he tries to drag out conversations….What should i do?
Nocontactfan

September 13, 2015 at 12:41 pm

Can you break NC to apologise to him if your friends were rude to him? (One friend swore at him while drunk on a night out)
nightKnight

September 11, 2015 at 8:35 am

Please help me!!
IM SORRY FOR THE LONG COMMENT, but that helps understand more my situation, thankssss
Me and her were in a long distance relationship.
We dated for a year. shes the type of girl with anxiety.

After the honeymoon period, we started fighting a bit, then we kept fighting more and more.

Then the summer is over and school started. shes got school, sport practice and a job (she wasnt lying) then became pretty much stressed out.

2 days after our 1st anniversary (which is in August), i insulted HER PHONE (i said like “your phone is a [cuss words here]” then she stopped talking to me for 2 days. then when she came back, i kinda pushed it further by being really really mean to her then she suddenly says she wants a break up, and i was like WHAT THE…??!!! well i appologized though, begged a bit.
2 days after i wrote an appology letter (which was dumb to do so) to state all the “SINS” i made, still no response.
then i decided to start the 30 day NC
the thing is that SHE STILL KEPT THE RELATIONSHIP STATUS ON FACEBOOK, THOUGH SHE DELETED SOME PICS OF US.
on the 21 day, SHE REMOVED THE RELA STATUS, ON THE 22 DAY SHE UNFRIENDED ME. WELL OUR KISSING PICS ARE STILL IN HER TIMELINE.

now im approaching the last week of 30 day NC, but im still kinda confused (well i made up myself and thought about everything, im no longer deseparate).
IDK if i shouldnt have a 30 day NC?
IDK if i should make the NC longer?

yeah sorry for the long post but thanks and please help!!!
Rica

September 7, 2015 at 7:15 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m going crazy over this whole no contact thing! I have managed 5 hours so far and I cracked :/ I am so grateful for this website because it’s given a bit of clarity but I wonder if you can read my story and give me some advice.. Our situation is a bit different and so I want to know a guys take on it.. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years! We broke up a few days ago but met up yesterday to just finalise things and talk through everything. At first I was trying to convince him not to go through it. BUT in the end I agreed that it is what we needed. we have been through so much which has caused the major fights we have had in the past. But also we agreed we have gotten so used to each other and taken each other for granted. So I cracked and texted him today… And he told me clearly that he still loves me very much but he loves the woman he met 3 years ago. And he feels we need this time apart to really think about things and to work on ourselves. He said part of the reason he wants this is because he would rather have the chance to be together in the future than stay together and hate each other. So what I’m trying to say is from what I can gather based on his actions before we said goodbye and what he texted me…. He wants no contact to work on himself, to realise that things need to change and we can’t keep taking each other for granted and that if he really wants to be with me after this time apart. So we agreed to meet in a few months, and talk and see if we feel differently or the same or if we have changed at all. So now my question is, during this no contact period…. What is he thinking?! Does he want me to contact him or not? Should I try to stay strong and avoid ALL contact until he texts me first to initiate the meet? I want him to miss me but I don’t want him to forget me….. What do you think is going through his head right now? Am I helping by texting? And if not, when should I text him?
Amara

September 7, 2015 at 9:53 am

Well, it turned out into this:

I texted him Saturday evening with my dates and that I he didn’t respond at Monday. My dates are 20th and 27th. He said he’ll be in my town on 27th but he’ll be busy and with family (or something like that). MAYBE he’ll come on the 26th but it’s not sure. Again, I found his answers fague, like he doesn’t want to meet me or that he’s dodging me and the meeting.

Oh and he said he began to irritate because of me, because I text to “formal”. “We ain’t strangers.. why don’t you talk normal. Don’t act strange because we broke up”, he said. I said many things like I wanted some clearness in this whole situation and I want to finish everything in September to clear my own mind. Still, he’s fague and said he’s “really busy and works fulltime and even in the weekend he’s busy. So he doesn’t know when he’s fee”. I said “maybe it’s an idea to check your own agenda and plan things like this in it on days when you’re free or make some space?”. He didn’t responded and it was yesterday night.

Today is his birthday.. I think I will wish him a happy birthday in the evening and that’s it. I’m tired of trying and I’ll see if he cares enough to text me this month to meet up. I’m also busy, but I know my priorities and I make soms space for important meetings like this..

X Amara
Mily

September 4, 2015 at 3:21 am

I was with my boyfriend for 2 years. Suddenly he changed and started saying he is not interested in relationship any more. We used to fight a lot for last 5 months of our relationship. After break up we talked for a week. Then I came across your site. And now I am in no contact period for 7 days. But he hasn’t contacted me any more. Is there any possibility to get him back? What should I do?

Darrel

September 26, 2015 at 7:03 pm

Its part of the pain process of life. You may think its the end of the world, we have all been there, but from the friends who have the best view of life, being pragmatic will keep you happy throughout your life, with work, friends and death of loved ones. Bad example, but breakup are like a bad tummy ache, but the positive side you will always cherish them in a weird way. These hard times make you mature and grow as a person. Stupid saying, there is always someone else, but its true and worst too many to choose from, but you will always keep a part of your memory and yourself with those you spend a long time with. Memories are great and to be cherished. Now move on and find a new memory by going out to parties, malls, libraries or any social groups. The people you meet there will introduce you to possibly your next less heart breaking break up.
Jean

September 14, 2015 at 1:03 pm

im in the same situation. I ve been reading dating tips books and — if a guy said that he is not interested in relationship to you. It really means: you are only his back-up and he thinks if he can wait just a little longer he can get somebody a lot better. Now I m in the 8th day not contacting him.
Calm down and cut off loses. Maybe you are like me, found the person who is not right to start with. Let’s heal together. My email is himiko4467
with gmail. 😀

masa

September 2, 2015 at 11:20 am

I’ve been blowing my exes phone for about 60 days post breakup (1 year relationship, lived with him the whole time) I knew I shouln’t have but I kept pestering and just … Wanted to get some answers as to why he did it, and what I did wrong etcetera… His replies were very scarce, he told me he understand me, when I asked him to give me a definite answer he kept repeating the same line ”I dont know I dont know I dont know … ” Well I got my shit together, started losing weight, lost like 6 kg in 2 weeks, he came to pick some stuff I had at my house and it went pretty good actually, he kept a smile on his face the whole time, and I noticed he glanced over my body a couple times (he was checking me out) … During the 60 days I kept pestering I had couple of emotional outbursts and I even went so far to be pretty rude to him (him ignoring me really made me super angry … I just wanted a reply from him, and being rude to him became the only way to get something out of him, which I know now was a huge mistake) Anyway, since Ive been a huge gnat and a nuissance, I’m sceptical that it is even possible to get him back. I am now on my third day of NC for the very first time post breakup, Im trying to let go, but I am still wondering if there is anything that I can do now, or have I completely blew my chances?

He acts like a douche via texts, while in person he has this bright smile and all. Its better that way than it would be the other way around but yeah. Just hope I can mend this, I know we are a good match but I kinda let myself go a bit, and was focusing on my studies really hard result of which was me being stressed out all the time…

Hope that bugging him for 2 full months didnt ruin anything, and Im thinking I should just go NC for an extended period of time so things kinda settle down and I work on myself in the meantime like … 3 months or something, what do you think?
exhausted

September 1, 2015 at 9:04 pm

My ex and I broke up months ago!! Lots of fighting post breakup. Early July I swore no contact and told him to get lost (he’s been dating a girl half his age at the end of our relationship). He wouldn’t let her go, so I was over it! A week later he began calling (I’m assuming drunk), a week after that I contacted him to get my pets from him (I was in a process of moving and he offered to sit for them). Slowly in the past two months he began calling more and more. I hardly ever initiated the contact. In the back of my mind I still believed he was seeing her even though she too moved, but continued a ldr with him. Last week I finally had another emotional break down and told him It’s not normal for exes to be in contact this much and he was stringing me along. He never asked to see me, but who calls their ex gf every day, sometimes several times to see how they are doing? His response was, he thought we could be friends, that I’m really important to him, I give him some sort of peace by calling me, that he doesn’t know our future but he’s content in how his life is currently. I’m tired of being put last. So I told him to stop contacting me and let me go. This has been the WORST year of my life. I pray I never go through this pain again. Im sticking to my guns because no new contact equals no new hurt right? Why does he think it’s ok to call me? We went sour last November, I moved out end of Feb. That’s how long this bs with him has been going on. I’m tired of being angry, he’s selfish and doesn’t care about my feelings. He wanted that girl so bad, enough to end our relationship, so what the heck???? He doesn’t get to pursue her and fall back on me. I deserve better!

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6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”