6,801 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

1. 

   Polly

   August 24, 2015 at 11:59 pm

   So I’ve been doing the no contact rule for about a week. My ex has been texting me on and off for the week. Yesterday morning he texted me making me feel guilty for past mistakes (that I apologized for many times). Then he said that he will leave me alone and said “have a good life.” I think he is being serious but I didn’t respond. I think that he will not contact me after the no contact period is over. What should I do?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 25, 2015 at 5:01 pm

   Your doing the right thing. Make nc only 21 days. Send him a text that he wont be able to ignore. 🙂

2. 

   Jessamyn Lumb

   August 24, 2015 at 11:29 pm

   Hi Chris,

   I have bought your e-book and it’s been great. I had been looking at the situation all WRONG! I was chasing instead of getting him to chase me! I have one little problem though…. I don’t fit into any of the three categories. My ex-boyfriend and I had been together for 4 & 1/2 years and decided to split due to both our university and work schedules not allowing us to spend any time together. It was getting quite exhausting and we ended up fighting a lot at the end of the relationship. We both still love each other very much. So I guess I have two questions. 1) What do I do when I get to the three categories section in your e-book and 2) It’s his 21st birthday coming up in October and he said when we separated that he would still like for me to come to his birthday party. My NC period will end 3 weeks before his birthday. If I follow through with your texts and he respond POSITIVELY do I treat his birthday as the first date? If so how do I act at his birthday party? If he doesn’t respond POSITIVELY do I even go to the birthday party at all? Your help would be great but I know you must be a busy man!

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 25, 2015 at 5:09 pm

   You should extend your no contact past his birthday. Do 30 days no contact…

3. 

   Rebecca

   August 23, 2015 at 2:07 am

   Hey Chris,

   my boyfriend and i have had feelings for each other for 4 years, just 8 months ago did we fall in love and start going out. we were each others first for everything. He has a commitment problem as he feels he is too immature for a relationship thats why we broke up a few days ago. The whole relationship he tried his best to make it work but he felt he was just going to hurt me in the long run if he continues to push this. He says he still loves me and wants me in his life through talking but wants the single life, and he has to decide which one he wants more. I agreed to talk to him but i believe if i do he wont miss me and he will be getting the best of both worlds. We have been on a break the past three weeks but he has still messaged and called me. if i don’t answer he will call 50 times and get very angry, if i don’t answer the usual text is “if you don’t answer there is no chance of us getting back together” so of course i give in and talk! He’s been out with his friends doesn’t look like he’s too upset even though he says its hard. I’ver really been struggling we have told each other we are meant for each other due to our history, and fate to be in each others lives. I really want this to work but it makes me so angry that he loves me and i love him he just is too immature to settle down he wants to experience the single life. He has been giving me so many mixed signals. He says this isn’t the end of us, he says that if we were a few years older this will work but of course i don’t want to wait for him but apart of me can’t help it because i’m in love with him. It is definitely young love and we have had our major issues as he is protective and so am i, and that started to clash when he wanted the single life more. he pushed me away because he is scared of relationships and where this can go as his desire is to marry at 30 and feels being with the one girl for so many years is scary but he feels i’m that girl. He is also the type of guy if he sees me out he will do something to make me more jealous he needs the last say or last laugh because he is a jealous immature type of guy. Ive tried the no contact rule, its been day 2 and he has already called me 60+ times and has sent very mean messages because i wont answer i don’t know if this no contact rule will work with him. He thinks i cant live without him and that i cry everyday over him, he knew i was out last night which has caused him to erupt and not leave me alone with messages and texts (not nice ones).
   What should i do and will this work?

4. 

   Confused

   August 22, 2015 at 7:40 pm

   Hi Chris
   Thank you for such an informative site. it really is a great help. I have just started NC and am on day 9 but I am a bit confused as to the situation with my ex my boyfriend and myself.

   We were together for a year and we had a very good relationship. He treated me like a queen, was the only man who ever really understood me and knew me well. We very often talked and joked about growing old together. Our relationship was great in every way save for one. We had been having the same problem repeatedly and it ultimately lead to the break up if I could call it that. The problem was that even though we did everything couples normally do I had not met any of he’s friends and family. He said that he was hesitant to do this because of his past. He was in an interracial marriage and there was lots of racial tension and interference from friends and family which caused a rift in he’s marriage. We are a same race couple by the way. He said that he’s divorce made him feel like a failure and that he was not ready to make our relationship public because in he’s mind it would be the beginning of the end if we included other people in our circle at this point. He said the fear of another failed relationship terrified him. I had always been a supportive girlfriend but this bothered me hence the topic came up a few times. I was never the clingy type, allowed him to be he’s own person and never tried to change him in any way because I love him for who he is

   The last time this topic came up was about three weeks ago and we had a huge fight. He was under a lot of work stress at the time and a life goal he was so close to achieving failed to come to fruition. In a conversation we had, he said that he thought it better to call it a day. I resisted and said we were making a big mistake and asked if we can sleep on it and talk about it the next day. He agreed but then he was ill for a few days and that put any kind of talk on hold. We still had open lines of communication at that point. We were having a normal conversation via text two weeks ago when I said that I felt we were losing touch with each other and that we needed to sort out our problem. He lashed out at me because his world was coming apart at the seams and he felt he was losing control. He said that he felt as if he was losing his mind and that he wanted a break and was not asking for permission to do so but he was doing what he felt he needed to to do for himself

   I was supportive and said that I respected his decision and that the break would do him good. I only asked that he promised not to give up on us. He did not reply back. Two days later I sent him an email saying everything I had meant to say had we had a conversation. I never put blame on him for anything and I told him that I understood the motivation for his actions. I ended off by saying that I hoped the break would leave him revived with a new perspective on life and that maybe when the dust settles we could have a proper conversation.

   It has not been easy since. I miss him so much but NC has strengthened my resolve not to reach out. I want him to know that I am still the dignified woman I always was even though inside I want to beg him to come back. I can’t stop thinking about him because some days everything reminds me of him and I can’t stop crying because I miss him so much. I am a bit confused though because I am not sure if he broke up with me or just needs to get things into perspective. What is your take on the situation. You opinion would clarify things for me a lot

5. 

   very worried

   August 22, 2015 at 6:07 am

   Hi Chris, it’s been a little over 2 months since my bf broke up with me. We were together for a year and we loved each other so much. The last month we hit a bump and argued a lot which was really bad timing because we could barely see each other that month and he ended up breaking up with me. He was really sad about it at first and asked if we could get back together but never followed through and we ended up arguing a lot and the breakup turned nasty. He said he still loved me and was sorry but did not want a relationship. We’ve seen each other a couple times these past 2 months and the love was still there and we still did romantic things. We started fighting more. He said we need time and space and he just wants to be friends in the future. I’m trying to do no contact right now but I think he’s already moved on? He isn’t as upset about the break up anymore and it’s like his emotions for me shut off. Was it really that easy for him to move on? Is he only going to want to be friends? Will no contact help me? Please help!!!

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 25, 2015 at 6:52 pm

   You can try no contact. Why do you think hes already moved on?

6. 

   Caroline

   August 19, 2015 at 7:06 pm

   Hello Chris, my ex boyfriend makes me crazy all the time. After 1,5 year of our relationship he broke up with me about 2 months ago saying he doesn’t have the same feelings anymore, he even cried while he broke up with me what surprised me a little bit. We were in a long distance relationship and our goal was that i will move to his country next year. I’m still really down but i want to move finally, I want to be happy. My ex keeps writing me all the time sharing with me informations about his life, he says he moved on and he is happy, he also writes to me about his new friend with who he wants to be in a relationship soon, he says he wants a serious relationship with her. Anyways he says to me things like: you are still much more important to me than this girl or: she doesn’t cook as good as you what makes her worse. He tells me I’m unique and too amazing to stay down and that he wants to be only friends with me but he never wants to lose me from his life because I’m still very important, he wants me to send him pics of my new haircut and stuff like this. On the other hand sometimes he is unfriendly to me. I want to begin the no contact challenge i just want to know what he really has in his mind. If he doesn’t want to be with me or he wants it but it’s too big responsibility for him and he doesn’t feel mature enough to “jump” to the level where we live together. He says he doesn’t love me and it’s the only reason but I’m not sure because of his messages. Sorry if there are any mistakes, the English language is not my native language. I will be very thankful for your help!

7. 

   Mz V

   August 19, 2015 at 4:35 pm

   Hi Chris,

   So I have been seeing a man LDR hes in Miami and I am in Vancouver, CA.
   It has been about 9 months with 4 visits between this time (2 each)
   We were pretty serious and pushes through to this point in which he has suddenly stated that he wants to be with me but how can we be together without sacrificing all that we have personally worked to achieve in our lives thus far.
   He did not give me a chance to speak and basically said this will not work and I know it, this is it, take care of yourself.,
   This was only 2 weeks after a visit he made to see me. Where things were well, this was the first visit he told me he loved me. We had a major argument, and we had never fought like this before, come to think we never really fought.
   So this break up was sudden and surprising.
   I have applied NC for three days now. and he has as well.
   He is 34 and I am 30, we are in great places in our lives and he had always mentioned that he would feel terrible to steal me away from my family for him, but in the end that would be a decision I would make, not him.
   Is there anything I can do?

8. 

   Avril May

   August 19, 2015 at 9:18 am

   Hi there,

   I need your help! My ex broke up with me at the end of June and for the first week I was in denial. I just thought he wanted space, so I went all week without talking to him and assumed he would meet me the following week and it would be all okay. It wasn’t. The following week he broke up with me properly and said it was over and he couldn’t do it anymore. We’d been together for 4.5 years. I immediately went into panic and begged and pleaded with him for a few days. I drove to see him (we live 30mins apart) and begged and cried at him. After four days of this begging, I told him to forget it and forget me. I then found your website and tried to embark on NC for 30 days. I managed 17 days.

   On the 17th day I got so upset with grief, I couldn’t stop crying. I was in hysterics. My mother thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. She said “forget about the rules, if you want to talk to him, then talk to him”. So I texted him and asked if we could meet up to talk. He said yes. So the following day, we met up. We talked and talked and he said he still has feelings for me and he wishes that he could believe that things would be different with us if we tried again. But that we are just a square peg and a round hole, we just don’t fit together.

   So that you understand our breakup, neither of us did anything wrong. We just are very different, everything is a compromise. We love each other, but for some reason we always end up arguing about things, and over the last year we’ve been up and down like a yo-yo. We are in our early 30s, and I used to have my own flat. He lived with his parents at the time. When I had my own flat, for the first two and a half years of our relationship, we were so happy. Then we talked about buying a house, so I put my life into storage and moved out of my flat and into my mum’s (30mins from him) to save to buy a house with him. So for 8 months we were both living with parents and the dynamic of our relationship changed. We drifted apart and didn’t see each other as much and we became less intimate, too. So to salvage our relationship, we moved into a rented house together but because I don’t do change at all well, the move was a nightmare. I was so stressed and anxious and the upheaval of moving turned my life upside down and I took it all out on him. So for the first 2 months (whilst settling into the new house), our relationship was bad. Then just as we had found happiness again our landlord served notice on us after four months, and we had to move out two months later. Another stressful time of great upheaval with all my stuff getting boxed up again for storage. He said he didn’t want to rent again so we went back to the idea of saving for a buying a house, so we both moved back to our parents again and that’s where we’ve been for the last 10 months (8 months to the point where he broke up with me). Back to living 30mins apart and having little to no intimacy and drifting apart. I also got a new job in the city which meant during the week I hardly saw him because I have such a long commute. He also sold his car to buy a push bike so he could no longer drive to mine during the week. So I had to do all the driving about.

   Our relationship was getting worse and we were drifting and put this failing down to living with parents and saving to buy a house. So for the last 8 months I’ve been begging him to rent a house with me again, but he just kept saying no and that it is a waste of money. So there we were, living like teenagers in our early 30s and slowly dissolving any happiness we once had. Bottom line, we just drifted apart since leaving my flat 2 years ago.

   So back to being in the car with him… We talked and talked for hours and he cried and I cried. He said he wishes it hadn’t gone like this but he just doesn’t see our relationship getting any better. He said, “we just don’t get on.” I made promises and said I would stop putting my job first etc., and I would do more for him etc., but he wouldn’t budge. He said he’d made up his mind and thinks we both deserve different people. So, I said my final goodbyes and left him behind. He texted me 30 mins later saying “Man that was tough. I don’t want to say goodbye forever and would prefer it if we still talked.” I wrote back saying I couldn’t do that. What happens when he gets a girlfriend etc..

   But I only went a few days, because I found out he was renting a house with friends which upset me so much because he’d said for months that renting was a waste of money, so then texted him. I went back to begging him. Solidly for two days I begged and begged him to take me back. He said he wishes we could have a future together but he just doesn’t see how we will find happiness again. Then out of nowhere, he said he would take me on a date in six weeks and that he needed time and would prefer it if we don’t speak during this time. He said he doesn’t want me to wait for him and he doesn’t want me to think he just wants to be single, because he doesn’t. But that he would go on a date with me. I asked his mum about it and she said she thinks he wants some time to pass so that we can start afresh. Put the old relationship behind us, draw a line under it and go on a date and start over. She said she encouraged him to move in with friends because she thinks he and I would have a better, healthier relationship if we get back together because we will have our own personal space to build a new relationship and then move into together later once we’ve found love again. (I’m not so positive, as a house of three single men doesn’t bode well).

   The only trouble is, now I’m hanging on for six weeks (I have four to go now). I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. Whether to meet someone new or join dating sites. I do feel like i’m in limbo. So when he told me about going on a date, I felt immediately relieved and tried not to text him for a few days. After four days I texted him to see how he was and we talked for a few texts. Then I went another four days and I text him again for a few texts. Then the day after I text that I missed him. He didn’t reply. That was three days ago and I’ve not heard since. I don’t know if he just threw me a bone with the date suggestion and that he just said it to pacify me. So I have decided I will never speak to him again until he contacts me. If he doesn’t contact me about the date then I’ll know for sure. I know he loves me because he has told me so. I just know that our relationship fell apart over the last 18 months and I just wish we had worked on it together instead of both pushing each other away. I wasn’t the best girlfriend by any means, and I should have shown him just how much I loved him before it was too late. So I’m trying so hard to do NC. 30 days will take me up to the time he wants to do a date. And if I can do that then hopefully he’ll contact me and if he doesn’t, then I’ll know he was just letting me down gently.

   It would be good to hear someone’s view on my situation.

   Thanks,
   Avril x

1. 

   Dory

   August 22, 2015 at 9:16 am

   Hi Arvil
   Break up is always hurtful and hard. Looking at your situation, I think keep texting him bring you no good. As reading somewhere, you need to give him space and allow him to “miss” you. Whatever the intention of him when suggesting a 6 weeks of NC, he think he wants every troubles and arguments between you guys to calm down so both of you can start fresh. Just try to complete it and see how things go yeah? I know we always deadly want to speak to the person, but we have to try, try to give him space and time. As you can see from all the previous tries that you contact him again, it result in nothing but a “nowhere” situation. Just my personal opinion. Hope it can help you feel better

9. 

   Lynn

   August 19, 2015 at 12:52 am

   I’m almost to day 30 of the no contact rule. We broke up in early July and two weeks later he called me. He said I miss you and told me he was coming to my house to meet me. He texted 30 minutes later and said he didn’t know anymore. We ended up talking on the phone for almost an hour. The next day I found this website/podcasts/emails etc. We have not talked or texted since that day. I’m hesitant to contact him on day 30, I’m afraid of rejection and my friends all say “if he wanted to talk to you, he would contact you”. I’m crushed. He’s the one that dumped me after almost two years…no big fight, no cheating, but he was slow to want to move in together and grow up. We’re in our late 20’s. I’m scared and confused, I don’t know what to do. Any help would be beyond appreciated. Your site has given me so much insight.

1. 

   Lynn

   September 19, 2015 at 1:25 pm

   Hey again. I reached out via text. With something positive and reminiscent of a great vacation we took. He responded that was a great time. So I responded with how are you, he said he’s great how are you I said I’m good. He told me a quick story about something that happened at work and then I said that’s a crazy story and that was the last exchange….that was two days ago. I’m scared to reach out again I don’t want to be a gnat, I completed NC. He has no social media so I have no idea what he’s doing….Chris what do you think?.

2. 

   Lynn

   August 21, 2015 at 2:01 am

   Chris, thank you for the response. Tomorrow is 30 days and I’m still hesitant because of what everyone says, “if he wanted to talk to you he would”. I guess I’m fearful of even more rejection and hurt. We have NOT spoken or texted or have seen each other in 30 days. I’m not doubting anything you’re saying, I’m just scared. Should I wait longer than the 30 days? Thank you again!

3. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 25, 2015 at 8:54 pm

   30 Days is fine. It’s only a text so if he doesn’t respond or responds negatively then you go back into no contact for a week and try again. Don’t be afraid of rejection, these things take time.

4. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 19, 2015 at 7:27 pm

   I think you’ll be fine with contacting him if you did the no contact rule properly. Don’t be scared of texting, it’s easy… well easier then calling or face to face. You can carefully plan what you want to say and respond without quick judgement. If he doesn’t respond positively or he doesn’t respond at all try going into no contact for another week and try again. Trust me you will be fine. 🙂

10. 

    Minnie

    August 17, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    Hi Chris, I have been reading your guide and trying to see if I can implement the rules but first I want to know if he is worth it at all…

    I was seeing this guy for about a month ,I had told him I had children in passing ..then one day I seriously had a talk with him about it only for him to tell me he cant date someone with a baby via a WhatsApp text, then he ghosted me on all social networks and even went as far as blocking my calls and everything.
    I love him and it hurts me to know he’s not around anymore.. what can I do to get him back, even just to chat. FYI he has a child too from a previous relationship.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 17, 2015 at 8:05 pm

   I dont think he’s worth it but that is up to you to decide

11. 

    Worried

    August 17, 2015 at 2:07 am

    Hey Chris, I just started no contact 2 months after him breaking up with me. I know I should’ve started sooner but I was unlucky and did not find this website on time and so far I have done everything wrong to get him back. We were together for a year and loved each other very much(not to be conceited but he was crazy for me and talked about our future a lot). We had a very bad month and we constantly argued. He asked to take a break to think about things, but he ended up breaking up with me at the end of our break. I was shocked and heartbroken. He told me that he just woke up one day and didn’t feel the same. He said he still loved me but it was different. I tried everything to stop him but he ended up breaking up with me anyways. Later on the day we broke up, he texted me saying he regretted it very much and missed me and didn’t mean anything he said. I was scared to take him back so I told him to wait until we saw each other again. We saw each other but he told me he wasn’t sure about getting back together. He continued to be indecisive for days and it was hurting me that he had to take that long to take me back and I was crying everyday. One night, I wanted to stop being sad temporarily and get out, so I stupidly got drunk and went to a dance. I was highly intoxicated, and grinded with two guys but it meant nothing obviously. My ex bf found out and he was extremely mad, I have never seen him that angry towards me before. He called me unloyal and told me I basically cheated on him and compared dirty dancing to sex. We weren’t even together though! He broke up with me! He ignored me for the whole day and called me later. We talked things out and agreed to get back together. The next day when we saw each other he was still upset and told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I mistakenly made an ultimatum that we would get back together the next month. Sometimes we would see each other before that month and he would say he loved me and we would be intimate and then he would be bitter about me dancing with other guys. I was frustrated because HE was the one who broke up with me. I didn’t cheat at all, but in his mind he considered it cheating. The month finally came and we went on a very romantic date and he asked me to be his girlfriend again. Things were fine, but he was still not over the fact that I “cheated” on him and I was still not over the fact that he broke my heart. We would fight about it often but still had our moments. The relationship continued for a couple of days but he was not acting the same as before. He used to be a great boyfriend, but it felt like I was the only one putting effort into the relationship this time and sometimes it felt like we weren’t even together. I told him that he didn’t have to be with me since he was acting so unhappy and tried to start no contact. He reached out to me and said he was sorry and he would try and that he didn’t want to lose me. I should’ve stopped it there, but I gave in and continued to be with him. Things were fine at first, but they started slipping again. We were both not over what we had done and he was acting different. We agreed to talk things out, but he ended up breaking up with me again saying that he didn’t want a relationship right now. I tried to ignore him after that but I was angry. I’d text him angrily and didn’t know why he didn’t want to be with me. He told me he loved me but didn’t have the same feelings as before. I tried no contact but failed over and over. He said he just wanted to stay friends because he didn’t want to lose someone special like me. I was hurt and confused. Did he just not want a relationship? Did he really lose feelings? Was it another girl? What was it? Finally, I decided to start no contact, but he also said not to contact him until I was better so I feel like he has more control since he’s the one saying we shouldn’t talk so much anymore. He says he misses and loves me but he’s not going to talk to me for my own good. So back to the no contact part, will it really work after so long? I’m also convinced he’s talking to other girls but he told me that there are no other girls. I made the mistake to check twitter and it seems like he is talking to someone else but he told me that all the girls are just close friends. I’m paranoid, so if he were to be talking to someone else would no contact still help me get him back? I know the no contact rule should just be used for myself mostly but will I still have a chance of getting him back even if there may be another girl in the picture? Please help me out here!!!

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 17, 2015 at 8:48 pm

   Yes no contact will still help you get him back if he is talking to someone else. During this time work on yourself and be the best version of yourself when you finally start talking again.

2. 

   Worried

   August 17, 2015 at 2:22 am

   I don’t know if this makes any difference but he’s saying he wants to move on. Not move on as find someone else but to forget about the bad break up. He says it makes him sad to look back on everything that has happened. He said he’ll always love me and I’ll always be special but things are different since we broke up. All he wants right now is to be friends and I’m afraid that when I am done with no contact he will only want to be friends and think that my intentions are to be just friends. Sorry for the long comment, just didn’t want to miss too many details. Please reply asap! Thank you!

12. 

    Argh

    August 16, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    Hi Chris, I know you must get bombarded by comments/questions so I apologise in advance for any inconvenience this has caused but I’m really stuck! I’ve followed your 30 days of no contact but the things is he’s not tried at all? I broke up with my bf after he just seemed to not care anymore I gave him a chance to return my missed calls and then I just ended it. Thing is I didn’t tell him it was over? I just ghosted him. I block deleted him everywhere. Usually he would have at east called me withheld but nothing – not one call one email nothing. My reason for the block deleting is because I found out he was still hitting on other girls through Skype. What do you suggest I do now? I don’t want to reach out to him because wouldn’t a normal boyfriend wonder if a girl was okay especially if she vanished off the face off the earth? I’ve used these days to get back into shape – gym 6/7 days a week seeing friends etc but I can still feel that hurt of when I miss him. Do you think he’s even thought about me? I read your other guide where it said he might be angry but I am just stuck on what to do next – also this guy loves control/power so I don’t want to reach out for him to think he has the upperhand again and incase he just ignores me. Sorry for the long comment!

1. 

   Argh

   August 18, 2015 at 10:34 am

   I felt I owed you an update Chris! Okay so I went onto a chatroom created during uni times by one of my friends. He contacted me to advise that he was taking a break from me (?!) I think he was saying that to protect his pride and that when he saw that I had deleted him he went out and got laid. Having read through a LOT of your site I’ve come to realise that some men just aren’t worth the hassle and through the No Contact rule I learnt I don’t ACTUALLY want somebody like that back. He also then displayed signs of anger when a guy tried to talk to me and demanded to know who I was now dating to which I politely replied: “If I wanted to talk to you at any point, I would have reached out to you. Have a nice birthday next month and goodbye.” I logged off after that and have no intention of going there again. My ONLY worry now is the whole “a guy will want what he can’t have” I’ve started the no contact rule again today but will he have taken my goodbye and respect it? Or am I going to be on the receiving end of a disgruntled ex? (Also to other girls out there, I was having all the withdrawal symptoms but re-reading this post is what stopped me from caving in. Although I started out to get my ex back I guess I’m one of the ones that realised he wasn’t all that anyways. Good luck ladies it’s worth it and I can’t recommend this site enough!)

2. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 19, 2015 at 4:01 am

   Thanks for the follow up!! Yes he probably will keep trying to get your attention but it will fade eventually. Glad I was able to help.

3. 

   Argh

   August 17, 2015 at 9:12 am

   Thank you so much Chris! I really appreciate the fact that you took the time to reply to my comment and I’ll do as you said. I have to admit your No Contact rule was amazing for my self esteem – when you’re in a relationship sometimes you stop loving yourself as you should and this no contact period has made me put myself first again. Even if he doesn’t contact me I’ll have gained so much through the rule that I’ll know I’ll be okay. Once again many many thanks.

4. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 17, 2015 at 8:40 pm

   Your absolutely welcome. Glad to see your doing a bit better.

5. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 16, 2015 at 11:29 pm

   He’s sounds kind of like a jerk sorry to say. Yes, I think he’s thought about you but if he loves control he wont reach out to you first. If you want him back, reach out to him after the 30 days with a interesting text. Don’t mention the fact that you haven’t talked to him at all this month. If he asks why just tell him you’ve been busy with working on yourself. If he ignores you, date other people and try again in a couple of weeks.

13. 

    sarah

    August 16, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Please help me sir, my boyfriend broke up with me 1 year back. After the break up I just went mad and begged him for 6 months. He scolded me like anything. He blocked me in every social sites. After that I stopped talking to him texting to him. Its been 5 months I stopped texting him. Recently we met accidently in bus and he was continuously staring at me for a minute but didn’t talk and we were bit far away inside the bus. Once again we met in bus and at that time he was disturbed by looking at me and was kind of ignoring me. What shall I do now? Does he still having feelings for me? I really want him back. Please help me. Waiting for your reply.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 16, 2015 at 11:54 pm

   Next time you see him on the bus, smile at him but don’t talk to him. You’ll be able to tell after that if he’s still into you. Eventually he will try to talk to you.

14. 

    Tanya

    August 15, 2015 at 10:01 pm

    Hello. I feel you can help me with my a problem.
    I broke up with my boyfriend 1 week ago. (we were togerher 8 m…) He did it with me on the phone. he said to me:
    “you are good nice girl and better to find guy what will love you”.
    when i came to him to talk about it face to face he said go away we just can’t be together, no future..we are different.
    Later i found proof what it’s not me helped broke up and what all is not so bad like can be…just one BUT… in city came his ex. she came to him asked to him back..cried…and so on( what is interesting she left him when he wanted stay together) I knew she left and i didn’t care about it i just wanted to help to him forget her and I almost did it.
    just in bad time she came. then i found her and explaned to her leave us because she is not loving him anymore she is losted and need go. she gone . he is ok with it. mean no love too i feel it. but we are broked up. and i know I love him. I feel i can’t leave now.
    he said I didnt love you I was thinking i will but not… i can’t understand why man says so when you know in past you saw and felt love? it’s a lie. because he is mad he said so??
    before when i didnt know about this site and 30 days i tried to do no talk to him. im failed. now. today. i read here and I liked this NO CONTACT because i feel so mb i will let him go or he will understand all and back to me. I wanna win anyway or my freedom or my love. so today i will call 1 day. 1 day of NC… thank you!

1. 

   Tanya

   August 21, 2015 at 9:45 pm

   hey there again. thank you so much Chris for answering!
   yeah I’m lost in it and want to fix all
   I do NC for 7 days today and will text you when it close to 30. mb i will have good news

2. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 25, 2015 at 8:05 pm

   Sounds good but remember this is a slow process. No contact is not the only step.

3. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 17, 2015 at 10:13 pm

   Unfortunately you sounded like the rebound in this situation, but don’t worry do no contact and see what happens. If she left him he’s got to have some resentment towards her. Your welcome!

15. 

    Alex

    August 15, 2015 at 3:01 am

    Hi Chris

    Very good article. I have been going through a break up and I take responsibility for the same. I hurt her by not giving time to her after I moved overseas for work purpose. Last I contacted her was 5 days back (which was a sheer breakup from her side). Now I am religiously following NC rule. My problem is her birthday is coming next week which is obviously within NC period. Please suggest me what shall I do? Shall I just ignore and don’t wish her?… or shall I text her to wish on her b’day?
    Please advise.

    Your follower
    Alex 🙂

1. 

   Alex

   August 20, 2015 at 11:22 pm

   Hey Chris,
   Thanks for your awesome suggestion. I did go through your whole article of NC. So, here’s the situation ahead. She definitely was expecting me to wish her on her bday. She unblocked me from everywhere so that I could easily wish her. But I didn’t wish. Now I got a text from her best friend and she asked me if I am alright? That clearly says my ex gf got mad over me not wishing her. She has again blocked me from everywhere (I know in anger). Can you please suggest what should be my next move? Should I reply to her friend saying everything is awesome here (as I am overseas and not in her country) etc etc? or shall I ignore her friend’s text? Still 10-11 days left in my NC period to get over.

2. 

   Chris Seiter

   September 1, 2015 at 9:21 pm

   Stay in NC for another 7-10 days. Ignore her friend and when your ex asks where you’ve been just tell her you haven’t been talking to anyone and you just needed time for yourself.

3. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 17, 2015 at 11:14 pm

   Hey Alex, hop over to my Ex Girlfriend Recovery site. 🙂 Do not wish her on her b’day.

16. 

    Crystal

    August 14, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    Hi Chris. My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. I texted him after we broke up (this was before I found your site). After that, I went on a month long period of military training, during which time I had no contact with him. Does this count as a NC period? I assumed it did, so I have been implementing your system. IF it doesn’t count, should I start NC now?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   September 2, 2015 at 3:26 am

   Yes that counts unless its a typical thing for you to do.

17. 

    Melissa

    August 14, 2015 at 10:48 am

    Hi Chris,

    I have to see my ex this weekend because we participate in the same sport and are in a league together. We haven’t spoken since we broke up which was 4 weeks ago. Considering we have blocked each other out at one point or another during this time, how should I handle it?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 25, 2015 at 3:49 pm

   Be friendly, smile and if he talks to you talk back but make it short.

18. 

    Elena

    August 14, 2015 at 12:54 am

    My bf of 1 year broke up with me because we kept bickering with each other and he just “doesn’t see us working out in the long run”. No big fight, no other woman, no lying, just regular relationship stuff. We couldn’t seem to communicate well with each other. Lots of defensiveness and often times hurt feelings. He fears he will turn out like his parents – arguing over nonsense constantly (and being borderline rude to each other). When he broke up with me (on the phone) I made it pretty clear that we wouldn’t be keeping in touch and immediately deleted his number, defriended him on social media etc. We had a face to face 2 days later where I gave him a letter and we discussed points in it about our relationship and where it went wrong (real men will do a face to face to give their woman closure). I even suggested in the letter we should have taken a break. When he left he said he was “devastated” but that we exhausted our relationship. He says he has to figure out what he wants and he can’t do that while he is in a relationship. I asked if I would ever speak to him again and he said “I don’t know”, which I took as a “no”. I don’t think he ever kept in contact with ANY of his exes after they broke up.

    I’m 30 now and thought he was the man for me; he is everything I ever wanted and more in a partner. I’m devastated and miss my best friend dearly. Tomorrow is day 7 of NC but I don’t see this as effective since he didn’t expect contact anyway. I know he is worth fighting for, but he didn’t want to fight/try for our relationship. Any extra side tips for me for when I DO contact? I’m scared that he is too intelligent (high IQ) and stubborn to fall for the texting tricks (he will see through me).

    I purchased PRO and skimmed it earlier. I can’t wait to listen to it at work. Your podcasts have given me hope this week while I sat at my work desk in tears. HELP!

1. 

   Angela

   August 16, 2015 at 3:36 pm

   I have exactly same situations. No major fight, no cheating, no jealousy, just common arguments, perhaps quite lot of it. And he just gradually gave up trying in the relationship. Thinking that it is easier to just give up. It hurts but i am most certain he have made his choice months ago. We met up once after the break up to take all my stuffs from him. We cuddle and we kissed that day. But never after. He told me that he felt guilty, for not tryinf harder, for making the decision to fall out of love instead of letting me know what was the problem. But despite his regrets, he didnt want to try anymore, he thinks giving up is better. I dont think i stand anymore chance.

2. 

   I am anonymous but I exist

   August 16, 2015 at 4:35 am

   Hello broken hearted people. Normally I don’t write about personal stuff on the internet, but I remembered that one year ago today, I was feeling miserable and constantly surfing the web for advice, comfort and, well, hope.
   Last year, my girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue and I didn’t see it coming. We were together for 4 years, and supposedly, everything was “fine”. Just the common relationship mumbo jumbo. The occasional arguing, etc etc. But I could feel the relationship declining after a 3 week absence she took for professional reasons. She arrived distant, colder, well, the same old bullshit. You know. Well, I had a foreboding feeling and confronted her about our relationship, our goals and what we intended to do with our future. Accordingly to her, everything was alright but I kept feeling that she was being evasive and didn’t enjoy my company as much as she used to before, constantly finding excuses to work and to study. Well, although I didn’t see the end coming, I’m a smart and straightforward guy that doesn’t take shit from no one. Therefore, I confronted her again and suggested (only to see her reaction) that we should finish our relationship. Well, she acquiesced. I was devastated. We had the biggest plans together and it was very difficult for me, at least for the first three days to accept that it was over. After that, I discovered she had a crush for a colleague at work. Well, it’s excruciating for your ego and heart to hear such thing from someone you still love, but in a way, as soon as I knew this, I couldn’t contact her anymore. I didn’t want to. I mean, I wanted, but I didn’t. I was in pain. I didn’t contact her for a month and a half. I unfriended her on social media, and basically disappeared. During this month, I decided to leave the country permanently. I was something I warned her I would do when we finished. Well, I won’t go into anymore ugly details. I just want to share that the no contact rule really works if there’s still love in the aftermath of a break up. After a month, she contacted me, and although she was still a bit confused and got involved with another guy, I told her that I still loved her and would do my best to forget and forgive that ugly episode. Bottom line is, she missed me and she realized that she made a mistake. And the only way I could make her see that was by disappearing and not being available anymore. Let her feel that I was moving on and that she was the one losing and that I didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t love me. During that month I went through a very dark period, indulging in booze and constant night outs. My humble advice is too stay strong and even though your heart wants to scream and call him/her names, you must be proud of yourself above all. You must invest in yourself MOVE ON. There’s no need to cry for someone who doesn’t want to be with you anymore. That’s something we learn in time. Got dumped? Get your s”#it together and invest in your own happiness. Dedicate that free time to follow your dreams and goals. That old saying works: “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.” Stay strong!

3. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 17, 2015 at 1:57 am

   Thank you for your personal story.

4. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 14, 2015 at 4:14 am

   Hi Elena, Sorry to hear of your situation. So you have a couple of options here. Since your 30 I’m assuming you will want to get settled down within the next couple of years. It sounds like this guy is not ready for that anytime soon. So what might be best for you is move on without moving on. Date other men, see if there is anyone else out there that you feel a connection with. That will also help you with no contact. When you reach out to your ex, send him a test text. Something positive and not to sappy. You will get to the examples of texting in the PRO book. If you need any more help, please feel free to reach out.

19. 

    CJ

    August 13, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    Hi Chris,

    On mental changes, how should I deal with the thought and feeling of loss? It’s been just 4 days since my breakup with an ex of 9 months, and I find myself thinking that I’ve lost someone amazing (handsome, very good to me, and great values, etc.). Then I get very sad. Should I just temporarily ignore those thoughts during the 30 days of NC? I just can’t seem to get over the fact that I lost someone great.

    Thank you for your help.

20. 

    Alex

    August 13, 2015 at 11:15 am

    I (19) was going out with my ex (18) for 6 months. We broke up twice and both were my decision to do so as I felt he didnt show me the love and affection I deserved and almost enjoyed playing with my emotions because I am a needy person and he definitley isnt. I allways drove/ cooked/ practically mothered him even taking him to and from work, my rooms like a hotel suite and I waited on him hand and foot. Nothing was ever enough to ask though because I love him. The 2 times we split he allways begged for me back as I’m going to be honest he was lucky to have me but nether the less I see the very BEST in people and thought he was amazing.Everyone told him he didnt deserve me and He knows this.We split last tuesday and he decided that he wanted his stuff back and said some pretty derogatory things toward me. I decided it was definitley over so foolishly I got drunk and slept with an aqquaintance of his. The next day I told him to his face even though I was single and he hadnt been that nice to me. And as expected he went ballistic ( smashed phone/hand etc) he has said some awful things toward me and I havent slept or ate because i feel SO GUILTY and ASHAMED with myself, I feel like I have Cheated. Last night he text asking if I was going to a mutual freinds house as he was there . I havent replied and I am going to try and not contact for 30 days? Any advice.

1. 

   Alex

   August 14, 2015 at 2:02 am

   Update ** he has liked a status my dad has wrote on facebook congratulating me about my recent A Level results. I am suprised he hasnt deleted me off instatram and facebook aswell.Due to his immature age I am worried he gets angry at no contact rule. This site has been an absoloute blessing for me as it has supported me in the best way possible.

2. 

   Chris Seiter

   August 14, 2015 at 4:02 am

   Glad to hear it’s helping you through this.

3. 

   SnowWhite

   August 14, 2015 at 1:58 am

   Alex, you’ve done nothing “wrong”. Your ex is a complete [insert whatever term you like]. You simply smashed his false pride ‘the Ego’ and that explains his behavior. Do take Chris’s advice to be more ‘logical’, if your ex wasn’t stepping up to the plate — he’s got a bad case of ‘path of least resistance’ while you were shouldering the relationship. Turn the switch the other way. Be your unique YOU and romance will be sticking to you like a magnet (either from ex, or form someone….gasp… worthier). Cheers!