Today I’m going to talk about the psychology behind why your ex could have blocked you and I’m going to do it by talking about “the core four.”

What Is The Core Four? In my humble opinion there are four clear reasons for why exes block one another.

1. The Attempt To Forget
2. The Reactionary Attempt
3. The Power Move
4. The Societal Expectation

To make sure that we’re all operating with the same framework I’m trying to make this discussion all encompassing.

That means these core four reasons apply to,

• Hard Blocks: Situations where you are blocked everywhere imaginable
• Soft Blocks: Situations where you are blocked in just a few places

Alright, there’s a lot to talk about here so let’s begin.

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Core Reason #1: The Attempt To Forget

I think it goes without saying that every time I write one of these articles I start by doing research.

Oddly, one of the things that is most surprising is that often the best ideas and research in the breakup isn’t found on Psychology Today or in reputable studies. It’s actually found on forums.

More and more I find myself pouring through Reddit and Quora trying to see what the experiences of real people are and I hit the goldmine with this comment,

This individual argues that one of the most common reasons that exes will block is because they’re so hurt after the breakup that they want to try to forget about you and move on. I’d actually like to add one addition to this hypothesis and I think it has to do with the advent of social media.

Imagine going through a breakup and having to see your ex every day on your social media account.

They look happy and you hate that.

Or

Maybe they don’t look happy and you hate that too.

Just seeing them pop up on your Instagram or Facebook feed infuriates you because it brings you back to your relationships. Irritates and aggravates.

It’s easier for you personally to block them so you aren’t re-living that trauma repeatedly.

And I’m not so sure that it’s the fact that they want to forget you. I think they just want to forget you right now until they feel better about themselves. More confident with themselves that the mere mention of you doesn’t break them.

Core Reason #2: The Reactionary Attempt

Remember that comment I said was a gold mine.

Well, there’s more to it,

Another potential reason that your ex could be blocking you is out of some misguided reactionary attempt and if you don’t believe this is a thing just take a look at how many people comes into utilizing a no contact rule the improper way.

Without a doubt, the no contact rule is the most popular post breakup strategy employed in the world.

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However, most individuals who use it are using it improperly.

Instead of making the no contact rule about outgrowing an ex, they make it about tricking an ex.

The thinking is simple, by utilizing the no contact rule and its ties into reactance,

Psychological Reactance: We as human beings have certain behavioral freedoms. When one of those freedoms is threatened or taken away we react in strong ways to reacquire the lost freedoms

You can make your ex more likely to miss you. You can illicit a reaction from them.

In other words, its the passive aggressive approach.

So, if there are millions of people willing to use the no contact rule to illicit a reaction what makes you think there aren’t millions of exes who aren’t going to use blocking you as a way to illicit a reaction?

Core Reason #3: The Power Move

Yep, there’s more to that comment,

The power move…

A way to show that your ex has won the breakup. I don’t know what it is but lately I’ve been talking a lot about this concept of winning the breakup.

It’s a potent thing and a lot of it has its roots set firmly in “payback.”

Which seems like an odd statement to make especially if you are dealing with an ex who broke up with you. Why would they need to get revenge on you? Why would they need to win the breakup?

I blame the victim mentality.

Even exes who break up with you cast themselves as victims.

For all of us, we are the center of the world.

We’re not really but to us we are. So, when we date someone and share the spotlight with them and it doesn’t work out, our entire world is rocked.

Who else is there to blame other than the person who caused the pain?

The best way many people can think to deal with this is to resort to childish tendencies like blocking someone as “payback.”

I think there’s also something to be said about people thinking of this as a power move. Generally the person whose mind goes there doesn’t feel like they have a lot of power in the world and so they exert what little they do have over another as a way to boost their self esteem.

Something they can hang their hat on and point at saying, “See, I did that. I blocked her/him.”

Which leads us to the next reason.

Core Reason #4: The Societal Expectation

This is my own addition and I definitely know this exists because of the way people look at me when I tell them I founded this website.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery has two sides to it,

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1. Recovery in getting over a breakup
2. Recovery in getting back with an ex

Most people when I tell them this respond with,

Why would you ever want to get back with an ex?

They sneer when they say it too.

And this hints at an underlying societal expectation placed on individuals who go through breakups. Society doesn’t take to people who want to get exes back, they shun them.

It’s not “the proper thing” to do.

In fact, most people think that once you are done in a relationship then you should be done with talking.

They deal in absolutes.

• You talk to your partner
• You don’t talk to your ex

And so there’s a pressure that exists in the post breakup period where your ex knows that blocking you is in accordance with what society expects. It’s always there tempting them in the back of their mind.

But there’s one important question I haven’t really tackled throughout this entire article thus far.

If you end up getting blocked by your ex how often is that sentence a permanent one?

How Often Do You Stay Permanently Blocked?

I must admit that I thought I had personally researched this before.

I’ve talked a lot about it.

Even made some bold statements.

Statements like,

Most exes who block you will eventually unblock you.

But when I went to go find the data, alas, there was none because I hadn’t procured it.

Yikes!

So, I do what I always do in situations like this. I went to our private Facebook support group (you can get access to it through our program) and ran a poll.

I asked the individuals there,

For those of you who have been in a situation where your ex blocked you; Did they at one point unblock you?

There were four answers.

1. Yes, the unblocked me (68%)
2. I’m still blocked to this day (15%)
3. They unblocked me, then blocked me, then unblocked me (15%)
4. They unblocked me, then half blocked me again (2%)

So, at a glance it appears that close to 70% of exes will eventually unblock you.

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However, if you look a bit closer at the data the number is actually higher.

Only 15% of individuals said that their exes still had them blocked.

But another 17% basically admitted that their exes did the pogo sticking effect.

Pogo Sticking Effect: Where your ex blocks you but then gets curious as to what you are up to and then unblocks you to check, only to block you again and they keep doing this.

So, the real number of exes who will unblock you at some point is actually 85%.

A whopping 85% of exes who block you will unblock you again at some point.

So, my statements about most exes unblocking you if you simply wait and do nothing holds true.

In truth though, the number was far higher than I was expecting.