The Rules For Going On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend- The Complete Guide

285 thoughts on “The Rules For Going On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend”

Patty

March 27, 2016 at 8:52 am

I broke up with my ex beginning of last summer, I did all the sins I begged for him, went crazy, than I found this site, I bought the book, I did no contact rule and had a date with him, but I ended up sleeping with my ex and when I notice I was on the friend with benefits, when I said I didn’t want to do it anymore he said that I wanted a commitment from his part he completely disappeared, wouldn’t answer my texts, delete me from Facebook, few weeks later I figured out he was going out with someone else, I sent him a message and I said I was moving on and I was actually seeing someone else as well, that anyway I just wished him good luck on his life, he answered but he was really rude about it, I answered him calling him out on being so rude, and we never talked again, it was the end of last year. I entered a long no contact rule, followed with my life, dated other people, while he was dating this girl as well, his relationship didn’t last long not even two months, I didn’t really get in a relationship even so I started to see this guy more often but I was still think about my ex a little over a month ago (2 months after we had last talked) I sent him a message, a kind of casual message about something funny that made me think about him, he answered me with one word, after few hours I texted him back and again one word answer, so I didn’t message him anymore, it’s being over a month now, I haven’t heard from him anymore, we don’t have mutual friends and even so I’m not blocked we are not friends on Facebook, I don’t think he is with anyone else at least not “officially” but I can’t know for sure, I don’t know if I should contact him again or wait and see if he will ever contact me, I followed all the rules on texting your ex last time and didn’t work, so I don’t know how to approach him again, or if I even should do. Like I said I tried to forget him and date other guys but it’s not working, it’s being almost a year and I still miss him a lot. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 3:41 am

HI Patty,

I don’t think it will help you to contact him anytime soon. YOu appear to be chasing him.. Build a new life first, do new things and meet new people. I can’t say that will make the hurt the disappear but it’s not going to help to contact him, so at least be productive before doing it.. Let time pass, because it’s obvious that you’re the one chasing him.

Felicia

March 27, 2016 at 12:03 am

Hi! I had asked a question before but I still have some confusion and need some more help. My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me two weeks ago out of nowhere because he feels he got into a relationship too quickly after his last one. He said he felt like he needed to be single for a bit and reset before he’d be able to fully commit to another relationship. Everything had been going great up until then. He introduced me to his parents and whole family two weeks before that and they loved me. Even the week before he was talking about planning a cruise to the Bahamas with me in the summer. This also coincides with a lot of big and stressful changes in his life. He was starting a new job two days after we broke up and he had just learned that he has hours that will make it difficult for us to see each other during the week. There is some unrelated family drama that’s stressing him. A lot is going on.

He texted me the next day to say how important I am to him and about how he just wants to do right by me and how he misses me already. He thinks that the best thing to do is to take 30 days of radio silence and then meet on April 9th to reassess. The second part of this is that I had already spent a good bit of money planning a nonrefundable birthday day trip for him that is scheduled for mid-April (the week after he plans to meet with me to reassess after a month of no contact). I had told him about it last week when we broke up and told him he should still go by himself since it couldn’t be cancelled and I had already payed for it. Before we started the no contact period, he asked me a couple times to still go with him and seems to really want me to go with him, which is also why I think he scheduled the date of us meeting for the week before this event.

From the advice I received before, I was planning to see him on the 9th to talk like he wanted and to still go with him the next week to this birthday event with him, to build attraction. Since then though, I caved and texted him 9 days into the No Contact period last Tuesday. He didn’t respond. Restarting from Tuesday would put the 30 day No Contact period ending after the 9th when he originally said he wants to speak and after the birthday event. I’m so confused about what to do now. Do I wait longer now if he contacts me to speak on April 9th? And it almost seems like the meeting for lunch to talk and the birthday event are already the 1st and 2nd dates scheduled out. I’m really confused how to proceed in order to be successful.

Felicia

March 30, 2016 at 10:52 pm

Help! I don’t know what to do if/when he texts me this week to confirm that we’re meeting on April 9th.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 3:19 am

HI Felicia,

You should meet and go because it would be more awkward if you suddenly backed out. Just act right. Don’t be clingy and take it as it is.. Be calm and enjoy.. Don’t overthink things.

Shannon

March 25, 2016 at 11:09 pm

Ive been posting a lot, but now things are way different. So my ex and I had no contact for 3 months. Then he randomly texted me asking if I had this folding table. Then about 4 days later he texted me saying he was sorry for how things went down and “I know you’re not ready but id like to talk”. We did end up hanging out and he told me why the relationship didn’t work for him, how it was is own fault for it being like that, and how he would do it differently. He also told me about how he felt so much anger towards me even though was the one who ended it. He told me that he was very depressed and even had thoughts of suicide ( he claims he doesn’t feel that way anymore). He also said that he did want and try to be intimate with other people but that he physically couldn’t perform a he realizes that he can’t have sex with someone with out an emotional bond. He also said that he would bra about our sex life before (haha). We cried and comforted each other through the talk, almost cuddling. But since then we have hung out almost every day. But there’s has been nothing sexual or emotional. Just us enjoying each other’s company. I guess I don’t know what to do now. Are we both feeling each other out and seeing if reconciliation is what we want? What can I do to avoid the friend zone?

Shannon

March 28, 2016 at 9:04 pm

Thanks for the comment. I am now very confused. As I told you before he was putting in a lot of effort by texting and hanging out. Now I haven’t heard from him in days. He was texting me and asking to hang out almost every day. And now nothing. I texted him once on Friday and he responded, then he didn’t respond to my next text. I haven’t tried again because I was giving him space and didn’t want to come off as needy. I thought it was going great and we were enjoying each other’s company. He was being so open and hoenst and obviously wanted to see me, now he’s doing nothing. I think the best plan of action is to not react, as I am doing. What do you think is going on and what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 4:56 am

HI Shannon,

Sorry for the late reply. How are things now?
Jennifer Seiter

March 26, 2016 at 3:49 am

Hi Shannon, It sounds like you are doing terrific! You’ve gotten through no contact and he missed you. You need to put him in the position of having romantic dates. The romantic vibe is very important and will help keep you out of the friendszone. I’d also recommend not hanging out everyday. You need him to look forward to your dates and miss you in between them.

Taylor

March 25, 2016 at 12:01 am

So I’ve been trying to get my ex back for the last 7 months after a 3 year relationship. Nothing seems to be helping much but the other night I was about to walk away so I went bold and told him how I felt. He responded interestingly. He was receptive to talking about it via text. At one point in time I mentioned meeting up with him to talk. He was really wary and kept asking why. That’s how it lead to me telling him I wanted him back. He told me he doesn’t see us getting back together right now. I stopped responding and he sent another text saying if we are meant to be we will be. And I still didn’t respond. He sent another text saying he’d still like to meet and he doesn’t want me to stop talking to him. He wants to be friends. I don’t know what this means. I’ve been working for 7 months at this and I’d like some help to know if it’s time to be done or keep going.

Taylor

April 3, 2016 at 3:05 pm

Hi Amor. I am about half way through my 21 day no contact. I feel pretty good this time around. I have friends that I hang out with all the time and a new job so I’m staying busy. He asked to meet again. I haven’t responded. Why does he want to meet up when he was so clear about not being together now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 10:42 am

I’m not sure but if he says he wants to mend things, you can break nc
Taylor

March 26, 2016 at 2:09 pm

We had just moved in together and he became super distant. He wouldn’t really touch me anymore and we were fighting about money a lot. I have not but I did briefly mention that I was going through a lot of guys and he brought it back up twice but I didn’t respond.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 2:29 am

HI Taylor,

You should work out your way of communication. How’s things now?
Taylor

March 26, 2016 at 3:59 am

Thank you. Okay i will do that. I was the last person to text. Should I try to get a high point and end it or just go straight into a NC?
Yes I have. We broke up in August. I found this site in September and immediately went into NC. I got neutral responses so I went back in for a week. Followed my plan. This didn’t go very well so I went back into no contact again back in January for 21 days. I’m starting to worry its been too long. What do you think?
Jennifer Seiter

March 26, 2016 at 4:09 am

Your welcome. I’d make this the last attempt if I were you but it is totally up to you. Your time is very valuable and you don’t want him to waste it. What was the cause of the breakup? Have you tried jealously at all yet?
Jennifer Seiter

March 26, 2016 at 3:52 am

Go into no contact for 21 days. He needs to feel like he’s loosing you. Don’t answer any of his texts going forward until that point. He’s most likely going to tell you he wants to still be friends with you if you meet with him in person and it’s going to be counterproductive to your plan to meet with him at this point. Have you done no contact with him in the past?

Elise

March 24, 2016 at 2:51 pm

Hi,

I’ve tried to organize meeting up over 7 times for a quick coffee. I feel exasperated because everytime I try to organize a time and a date he has either backed out or cancelled on me, saying he’s stressed out with work. In his last message that he wished I was more understanding. I’ve been completely supportive despite my own stresses and never once mentioned them. I’ve always kept my stress and him separate, but now I feel as though he’s trying to cause an argument with me. I haven’t replied to his last message despite wanting to be honest, as I don’t want things to escalate. It’s like he’s fallen back into the old way he treated me towards the break down of our last relationship.

How do I go on from this? Do I not message him at all until he suggests meeting up?

Elise

March 26, 2016 at 8:54 pm

I broke up with him after a huge argument due to me wanting to talk things through, while he told me to leave his house. We both handled it poorly. In the months before we both had trust issues and letting our lives generally become too obssessed with each other (we were together for 5yrs). It’s now been 3 months since we broke up and I’ve never been happier being single! I think it was time that I didn’t realise I needed to get my independence back.

More recently messaged me again, replying to his earlier message saying that the reason he felt defensive was because of ‘negative things from the past’, and that I gave up on him on numerous occassions. He then sent a picture immediately afterwards saying it reminded him of me with kisses afterwards. It’s confusing because he’s trying to bait me into an argument, yet at the same time telling me that he misses me.

How long should I stay in NC for? Also how should I handle things when I finally do meet with him again, especially if he keeps bringing up negative things from the past?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 2:36 am

Don’t engage in argument and if he tries to bring up negative things, if it’s a question answer it. If it’s now and he’s upset just tell him you understand him and ask him if you need to address things about that, if he says what it is, addres and end that issue. If you already addressed that before, repeat it and then open a different topic. I think you should do 30 days nc
Jennifer Seiter

March 26, 2016 at 3:53 am

Go back into no contact for now. What was the cause of the breakup?

shoegal

March 21, 2016 at 6:54 pm

This site helped me so much to survive worst moments. I’ve learned what’s best for me here. Thank you! Something recently shifted and your advice would mean the world to me.
Me and my boyfriend were together for 6 years. 10 months ago he broke up with me out of the blue giving reasons that he needs to focus on himself. I never begged him to come back. I stumbled upon this page, acquired the entire content, tried the no contact rule and got his response easily, but his texts were weird and I got the impression this wasn’t actually the right moment, so I gave up. Since then I have become really fabulous. I have new passions, changed myself and dated other guys. A month ago, I re-established contact with my ex and this time it’s positive. We’re texting back and forth couple times a week and it’s good, he initiates conversations himself, but I can still feel the distance. I am coming from a place of love and kindness, I am cute, I try to tease him a bit like I used to, I sent him pictures and stories about what I’m up to, but he still doesn’t want to share any personal details about his life, even if I ask. Maybe I choose bad topics? I’m not a GNAT, I am taking this slow and I want it to be casual. I wonder how can I make our conversations more and more passionate and how to make him want to talk to me every day. Are there any tricks that would help me to reach him on a deep level?
Waiting for your response, Shoegal.

shoegal

April 3, 2016 at 4:28 pm

Yes, he said so, but this was after 6 years of being together in a relationship, so I assume it was inevitable that we somehow got used to each other. All of it became to predictable for him, I believe.
As I wrote above, I tried NC once, straight after the breakup. I felt it didn’t exactly work out, so I gave up. After a couple of months of no contact at all, I re-established contact and this time it’s okay, we’re talking, but I struggle to capture his attention. I’d like to fascinate him with the new me, how do I do that?
Looking forward to hearing from you, Shoegal.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 11:46 am

It depends on how you are but the general rule is that you keep being the ungettable girl by continuing to do things that improve you and excel at it or even just being passionate about that, invite him in some.of your activities and be active in posting about it, maintain yourself, but lastly when he knows you don’t need him in your life l, that adds to the factor of him chasing you and wanting to get to know the new you
shoegal

March 29, 2016 at 9:54 pm

Dear Jennifer, thank you so much for your reply! The thing is absolutely NOTHING went wrong between us, we were crazy in love. One day we were having a great time like we used to and suddenly, just like that, he came up to me and said that he needs to be alone. He endlessly reassured me that’s his fault, not mine and that he doesn’t regret a single moment spent with me and still wants to stay in touch, but as friends. But that’s not all. He said that he felt too safe with me always being there for him. He said he doesn’t really know who he is, because he has never spent a day as a single guy. He said that he needs to become a better man. He said that he must have freedom to do everything that he wants in his life and with me by his side it wouldn’t really be possible. He said he doesn’t want to regret never trying how it’s like to be with someone else and that he regrets we’ve met so early in our lives (we’re both 24.)
Now we are just talking like we were strangers and it feels so weird and complicated. He is kind, but I can feel he’s distant and that’s why I wonder whether I talk to him in a right manner. How should I talk to him to progress things step by step? I’m afraid he would panic when being pushed and that would destroy everything.
Hope to hear from you, Shoegal.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 6:29 am

HI Shoegal,

he said he felt too safe with you? That means you’re too available for him and it became boring for him. There was no challenge. Do you want to try nc?
Jennifer Seiter

March 26, 2016 at 4:05 am

Hi Shoegal, I am so glad to hear that our site has helped you so much! Chris started this site to help people through their darkest times and I’m really glad your feeling a bit better now. Congrats on becoming the best version of yourself! That is awesome.

Now with regards to your ex, I don’t buy the whole reason why he broke up with you. It had to be something else. Did things get stale at the end of the relationship?

You will have to put him in romantic situations when you start going on dates. But you will have to take it slow. Start with a coffee date, then a fun date (Preferably one that he’s never done before), then the romantic date.

Focused

March 21, 2016 at 12:30 pm

Hi, great new article!! I am going on my first date this week, an evening coffee. For my second date I was planning mini golf, however I am not free over a weekend to have a day date for over 2 weeks after and I don’t want to leave it that long in between, but I do think and evening mini golf date may be okay? Also I cannot organise a group date because me and my ex are in a joint friends group that are purposely being kept unaware of me and my ex chatting and going on this date because they are very against it and we don’t want them to get involved and ruin it – my ex’s words. Me and my ex are however going on a night out together with friends next weekend, could I count this as the 2nd date? But I am worried our friends will be very awkward and keep me and my ex apart as much as possible. I would really appreciate your advice!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2016 at 4:39 am

Hi Focused,

yes, you can count that as a date but not a level up date from the first one since you’re with friends.. Don’t think ahead much.. if they want you apart they probably would have said that or if they said it at that day, just agree and tell them to relax and thank them but assure them you can handle the situation.. and then proceed to talk to him…
that event can also help to create attraction between the two of you, because you see each other but can’t talk much

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285 thoughts on “The Rules For Going On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend”