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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
Lizzy
May 13, 2014 at 4:51 am
If a guy has already perceived you as not a UG, can you change his mind?
admin
May 13, 2014 at 5:03 pm
You can!
Lizzy
May 13, 2014 at 5:14 pm
By following the same rules? Or is there a different plan of attack?
Diana
May 7, 2014 at 12:42 am
Hi,
Just found your website tonight and have been glued to it for the last couple hours. Thank you for this!
Whilst your advice is mostly aimed at people who have broken up, I am still in a relationship but feel it is slipping away and he’s losing interest. I have been dumped before and I can see the signs by a mile now. What should i do? Would the NC rule work for a couple still together or should I try talk things out? How can you get a guy to remember who he fell in love with?
admin
May 7, 2014 at 3:33 pm
I am glad you picked this one to post to.
I am literally writing a guide on your exact situation right now.
Niccy
May 6, 2014 at 2:16 pm
Hi Chris
I’m still not sure if getting back with my ex is the smartest thing I could do but while I still love him and want him I’m going to try. and try hard. My question is about becoming the UG, it may sound stuck up but I in no way mean it that way, but I am genetically blessed, I work out I do a lot of things to look good on the outside and take pride in looking nice. While still in NC I’m implementing a lot of things to try and change things about myself, not being so clingy, not being freaked out and ridged if plans don’t turn out how they were supposed to etc. But the one thing I really want to change about myself is bitchyness. I don’t want to talk bad about the girl he is rebounding with (I am 100% sure its a rebound btw) I don’t know her, I don’t know what she is like, but I am finding it really difficult not to have these assumptions and talk shit about her. Am I heading in the right direction with the UG thing because that aspect of it I am finding really hard
admin
May 6, 2014 at 7:15 pm
Why don’t you think its the smartest thing?
Niccy
May 7, 2014 at 2:10 am
Because he has hurt me pretty badly in the past, he knows he hurt me really badly and the guilt of that is what caused him to end things with me. I do as a side note have to say that yes he did hurt me but I took my time and thought about it and forgave him and I didn’t bring those things up again, and that was last October so like 6 months ago
Still in love
April 21, 2014 at 10:58 pm
Sigh. It’s me again. I am tired of being the UG. I don’t want to run anymore. The attention from men (other than him) is almost depressing. I can’t do NC successfully. I still desire this man! Going out with other men is out for me. All that does is depress me because they are not him. Then of course, he makes sure to stay in FB contact. He asked why I was STILL single. I replied that I was focusing on me. He says great, then immediately asks if I miss him. A lot, I say. He asks more questions, but doesn’t say if he misses me right away. So I ask if he misses me and if he’s still single. He says yes, he misses me, but he’s not single. I ask who is he dating, and his answer let’s me know he is not dating anyone. We chat some more. THEN I SPILL MY GUTS and ask for his honest feelings. FB tattled that he saw my spilled guts. But he hasn’t answered positively or negatively. He proposed last year. Now what? Try NC again?
admin
April 22, 2014 at 4:46 pm
He proposed last year and you what? Turned him down?
Still in love
April 22, 2014 at 6:11 pm
I didn’t turn him down exactly. But I didn’t say yes or no. Out of fear, I said “I don’t want to talk about that right now.” So, I guess to him that meant no. It sucks. I got cold feet and I’m still paying for it.
Antonella
April 8, 2014 at 5:33 pm
He called me very angry and said that other day he remembered all the stuff he hated about me. I just said I’m sorry. He said that he stills care about me but he doesn’t want to be with me anymore because all that aspects of me and because he want to be alone and free.
admin
April 10, 2014 at 1:30 am
Have you tried anything on this site on him yet? NC rule? Anything?
Antonella
April 8, 2014 at 3:03 am
He delated me on Facebook. WHY? WTF!
admin
April 8, 2014 at 5:24 pm
Check out my guide on blocking to understand why.
Antonella
April 7, 2014 at 7:12 am
So I had to see my ex yesterday after like 10 days of NC because he insisted in give me my stuff back. I acted really animated and bubbly and even made him laugh, he did a comment about the brakeup in a humoristic way, I think I had the control of the situation and said goodbye first.
Now I have to see him again in a few days because I have to go to the office where he works. What should I do?
admin
April 7, 2014 at 5:15 pm
Keep it up. You are doing great. Do the same thing. Be super bubbly.
Sammy
March 31, 2014 at 12:51 pm
Hey Chris š
My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me almost 12 days ago. The relationship was lovey and all was great. Until my ex decided to study abroad for a couple of years, a few months ago. And we were going to break it but we decided to stick together and try long distance and see what happens and all was great again. He was so attracted to me through most of the relationship looks and personality and whatnot and said he found me something very close to the ‘ungettable’ girl, which is all swell, FAST FORWARD to the last 2 months, my biggest and worst downfall reared it’s ugly head and I became more and more emotional each day. I started picking fights almost daily I admittedly was very bitter and used to argue and bicker alot which eventually drove him away, totally stopped being anything close to ungettable about a month ago. I screwed up pretty bad.
Now, I actually do wanna fix myself 1) My own good 2) To get him back. But I’m worried it’s too late for him, and that I put too much pressure on him that it’s irreversible.
Doesn’t help that he’s kind of stubborn and detaches his emotions from his decisions (As proven by how he didn’t text til now) Doesn’t help that he said I am not the one for him and he sees absolutely no future with me, and that if we can’t last a week without a fight, how would we last a lifetime.
He did also say that he forced himself out of love and now he really thinks long distance will NOT work.
In his defense, he had to deal with a lot of crazy.
But I still hope there’s a chance to fix things.
I know you’ve seen much more, but do I gotta ask, do you see any potential? š
He leaves in a a few months and I really am worried, so please do help me out
Thanks in advance,
You’re awesome š
Sammy
March 31, 2014 at 12:52 pm
seen much worse*
Antonella
March 28, 2014 at 12:10 am
My ex boyfriend and I were dating for a year and a half, he is 28 and I have 20. He broke up with me a week ago.
He is in a very very bad economic moment and very stressed out about.
Our overall relationship was pretty āin the downhill periodā but however we were still having a lot of laughter.
He told me he was breaking up with me because he need time to rearrange his things and his mind, he wants to be alone and not worry about anyone else than himself. Also he told me that he doesnāt love me anymore, not in the way that he used to in the beginning of the relationship, and also that he thinks that we donāt have anything in common anymore.
I tried to apply the NC rule bur I just couldnāt. I texted him the day after the brakeup telling him that I wanted my stuff back and he answered me very calmed and told me to wait a few days for him to return them. I answered with an OK.
The next day I called him crying and asked him if he still sure about his decision. He told me that he was very sure, even when the split wasnāt easy for him either and everything keep reminding of me. Maybe in a couple of years when he and I have grown and mature more we can be together.
The day after that I called him again and asked him the same and he told me that he needs to be alone for one or maybe two years and that he thinks that if he ever have a relationship again he doesnāt thinks it will be with me. (I know that it sound very obnoxious but I asked him AGAIN) and he told me that is the way he thinks now.
The next day I didnāt call him but yesterday I couldnāt resist and called him again he told me that he started in a new work and was very happy and felt very good alone, like he took away a weight off his shoulders. I asked if he miss me and he told me āyes, sometimesā, however he still very happy (he sounded quite annoyed).
And thatās all for now, I plan to follow the NC rule from now but I really wish to know your opinion about him and what do you believe he thinks. Im so sad right now!!
And Iām sorry for my English but it is not my origin language.
admin
March 28, 2014 at 4:36 pm
I definitely think NC is a smart idea.
Vanessa
March 26, 2014 at 1:55 pm
I’m not clingy, not needy, I never let guys spend for me, i dont ask for anything – i don’t give that thing if you know what i mean. I’m very romantic, sweet – always happy, joking, laughing around, serious when he has problems , cares to the highest extend, a very good listener, not UGLY but not perfect BEAUTIFUL. I’m not FAT, NOT SELFISH! not OVER EMOTIONAL. Acts STRONG – VERY UNDERSTANDING, CONSIDERATE , VERY SUPPORTIVE – IMAGINATIVE . VERY HONEST, DIRECT AND SINCERE. DO NOT GET EASILY JEALOUS. IS NOT CHILDISH, mature in handling RELATIONSHIPS. CONFIDENCE – CHECK! Demand only sometimes but only time and love.
(ALL THESE ARE MY ATTITUDES towards RELATIONSHIPS but I STILL END UP WITH CHEATERS!)
What did i do wrong CHRIS ? ? !WHAT DOES A GUY REALLY WANTS ? this is crazy…
admin
March 26, 2014 at 5:55 pm
You are doing nothing wrong. THEY are the problem.
Their issues aren’t a reflection of you.
Vanessa
March 27, 2014 at 2:21 am
Your right Chris. Your simply the best and amazing, it’s really hard to find good guys these days. š
admin
March 27, 2014 at 11:52 pm
Wow thanks!
Vanessa
March 26, 2014 at 1:57 pm
and ALSO I DRESS WELL, fresh smelling, flips the hair thing – always SMILING. and these GUYS STILL CHEATS ON ME ? I NEVER FORGIVE THAT.
Help Please :(
March 19, 2014 at 4:05 am
If I ignore my ex boyfriendās text message after a few months of no contact will he try again to contact me? Iām confused why he texted me after 2 months of not seeing/talking to him, and Iām so afraid by ignoring him that I ruined any chance of restoration.
Thanks so much! Youāre the best!! Best Ex Advice out there! (And believe me I’ve looked at it all)
admin
March 20, 2014 at 6:08 pm
Aww thanks!
That is what I am going for. To be the best in my field.
Yes if you ignore he will generally try to contact you again.
Help Please
March 25, 2014 at 6:01 am
Thank you so much for the reply!! That’s good to hear he will generally try to contact me again after I ignored his attempt after a few months of no contact. Is there an average time frame he will wait to contact me again? Its been a little over 2 weeks as of now.
Also his birthday is Saturday, should I send him a text or just “ignore” his birthday? I’m not sure which approach is the best to get him back.
You are great Chris! If You ever need a testimonial or anything I would be more than happy to write something!!!
Taryn
March 6, 2014 at 4:16 pm
I believe I am becoming an ungettable girl. My confidence has boosted so much. I’m not conceded, but I’ve always had guys telling me how beautiful I am and how attractive they find me. I have been asked out even before my ex and I broke up. I am already in shape and already was going to the gym and getting looks. I’ve walked though the mall and had guys ask for my number.
That was before. But after reading about becoming an ungettable girl, I upped my status by doing more. Now I work out every other day, as opposed to once or twice a week (I have a fast metabolism and I’m tiny naturally ). I’ve been posting some gym pictures on instagram and Facebook, which has caused a few guys I know to flock to me more than before. My ex and I are long distant, and are not friends on social media right now. But I have a feeling that he has checked up on me and can see my progress.
I’ve also been doing more in general. I’ve gone to nice restaurants with my girlfriends and posted some pictures. I’ve gone to the movies and “checked in” on Facebook.
I’m trying to find a new and better job doing what I love! Graphic design. I’ve designed some greeting cards and posted them on Facebook that people love. I’ve been getting back into my hobby of drawing and posting it. I used to draw him pictures while he was in the Marine Corps. He love it.
Bottom line is, I am becoming an ungettable girl and I want him to see (when he checks up on me) that I am not sitting around, eating ice cream, getting fat and out of shape, moping.
I have a life and it is fun and I live it. That is the kind of woman he’s want to have. A strong godly woman who loves her life :]
Thank you Chris for your articles!
admin
March 7, 2014 at 6:41 am
This is my favorite article I have ever written.
It’s my favorite because of messages like these.
Loving the confidence! Loving it š
vangirl007
February 26, 2014 at 7:39 am
I did NC as instructed. I send him texed today but not same as the examples from the ebook. Itexed him bec my grandmother pass away.
no replies form him. Im hurting already and because of no response
Ally
February 21, 2014 at 8:04 am
I just wanted to say thank you for this post I reade everything and anything on the break up subject lately but there is something simple yet real and comforting about your website And ungettable girl is probably your best post. Funny often when you are an ungettable girl you don’t even know it. Also if you fall for someone too deep you might loose this quality and not realise it until …. you are reading the break up posts š
admin
February 21, 2014 at 6:25 pm
Hahaha you think this is my best post huh?
Well, the one I am working on now is pretty darn good too I think. It might rival this one.
Ange
February 17, 2014 at 8:28 am
Does the ungettable girl add her ex-boyfriend on facebook, or does she play hard to get and wait for him to add her?
He tried to add me when we broke up but I said no because it would make it harder – seeing pics of him with other girls.
But now I think having access to his life on facebook will make it easier for me to text him back… knowing what’s going on in his life.
admin
February 17, 2014 at 7:27 pm
In the grand scheme it doesn’t matter to be quite honest.
Sofia
February 8, 2014 at 10:46 pm
do guys dislike when a girl is aware of her good looks,or do they see it as arrogance? it is a turn on if she knows how attractive she is?
admin
February 9, 2014 at 4:51 am
I think they don’t like it when she is arrogant about it.
Quiet confidence is best. You know, someone who knows she is good looking but doesn’t feel the need to brag all the time about it.
Sofia
February 8, 2014 at 7:06 pm
your site is becoming my bible hahahah.
This is really interesting, while I know my looks are 9-10, it made me open my eyes that I need to work on my attitude during the NC period. I’ve lost a great part of my confidence during the last months/the end of my LRD. He made me feel so good in beginning that I’ve developed a sort of vicious circle: I’m sad because I want him back, contact him while being and emotional wreck, he pulls away even more, I get sadder and more desperate.
This made me realize that I’ve became withdrawn and lost my sparkle, even though I fear he may never talk to me again, I need to go back to be the person I was before I met him. Plus it will affect my looks as I’m having trouble sleeping/eating.
I’ll stick to the NC for my own sake
Shan
June 5, 2014 at 9:49 pm
You sound like me Sofia! Exactly same problem.
admin
February 9, 2014 at 4:48 am
Love it!
Getting back to the person he fell for in the beginning. Now THAT is what I am talking about.
Evie
February 8, 2014 at 12:49 pm
Hi,
I need your help. I went out with this guy for a year, we were madly in love. He had chased me for 3 years before we got together. I was the Ungettable girl. At 8 months we started arguing and we had a break but ended it after 3 days. He was always paranoid about me and other guys, and we always argued because of it. Then a day before my birthday he mentioned that things weren’t good between us. I told him to stop because it was my birthday tomorrow. Then two days after my birthday my grandfather died. I was devastated. Two days later he tells me, it doesn’t feel the same anymore, he wants to experience other people, (I was his first girlfriend) and I tell him I love him more than ever and that I need him & he makes me happy. I couldnāt take it and I cried and tried to walk away. He followed me, I tried to give back his necklace, but he refused to take it. He apologises for everything and says I didn’t mean it. I said to him that if he wants to end it do it now. He cried and I dropped everything and held him and told him I’m sorry. Two days later he ends it. I was hysterical for 4 days I couldn’t hold it together in front of anyone. Then we argued (and told each other how we feel) and 2 weeks afterwards we had a massive argument… it was the worst thing I’ve ever done. I needed to apologise. All I wanted to say was sorry but I ended up telling him how I feel and he told me he still loved me and I smiled for the first time in weeks. That night I call him up after talking to my best friend who seems very keen to help me move on, I asked him whatās going on between you two. He tried to change the subject but I stopped him, I told him if he ever cared about me heād stay away from my best friend. He said THATS NOT FAIR and I was crushed. Then he said we’ve been texting and I like her. He said I need to move on, I said I donāt want to because I still love you and he said I canāt do anything until you move on. I was heartbroken all over again. I said go for it but I wonāt forgive her. The next day I told him Iām over him and Iām looking at someone else (which isnāt true) and asked if we can just be friends. I’m so confused and I canāt stop talking to him and Iām scared because my best friend is prettier and sexier and nicer than me and sheās desperate to do something. I don’t know what to do because I still love him and I can’t stand to see him in a relationship with someone else but I see him every day so itās hard not to think or talk about/to him. Should I confront her, should I act cool? What should I say to him about the situation? Iāve already broken the NO CONTACT RULE. I’m worried I’ve blown my shot by looking desperate by telling him how I feel and can’t stop talking to him and I want him back but I’m scared if suddenly stop talking to him he’ll forget about us and if I don’t stop talking to him he’ll hate me. All I can think about is my best friend and my ex texting about how horny they are and flirting and saying how they canāt wait to do stuff and how annoying I am constantly texting him and how they both wish Iād get the message so they can do stuff. My whole world is upside down. I want to know what to say, how to act about the whole situation, how to make him regret breaking up with me and how to get him back.
I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP, PLEASE I DONāT WANT TO LOSE HIM FOREVER,
Sincerely, Evie
Evie
February 10, 2014 at 5:34 pm
Please help me out I broke out in tears today when he told me he was going on a date with my best friend. She hasn’t even talked to me about it she’s acting all innocent it’s so hard. Can’t take much more…
Shannon
March 14, 2014 at 2:46 pm
Honey, she isn’t your best friend. Simple.
Betty
January 30, 2014 at 6:55 pm
Hi Chris, how come you didn’t mention anything about the height?? Isn’t it important for men??
If a girl is very pretty, has an almost perfect body, is very big on personality but 5 feet 2 inches tall, wouldn’t that minify her points significantly??
A man once told me that a short woman is less of a person.
admin
January 31, 2014 at 6:31 pm
Actually hahaha I like shorter women. Not like 4 feet short but anywhere between 5’2″ or 5’5″ is perfect.
anonymous
January 28, 2014 at 5:37 am
This is interesting. I didn actually read this guide in such depth till now. Reminded me of how i met my ex. He used to always comeby my office and we’d exchange glances but never actually talked. For 4-5months it went on till he finally approached me and asked for my name! And i gave a short reply. And he searched me in facebook. And the rest is history. So it made sense to me, he had the day dream effect for 4-5months eyeing me almost every other day. When we first got to know each other, he even admitted that he rated me a 10 in looks even brought his friends over to my office just to point me out to them. and they all agreed, i’m a 10 in looks. (Sorry i’m not very modest hahaha)
Anyway my qns is, since things btwn me and him ended on a bad note, my ratings to him in terms of personality may have dropped low š if i do nc for the second time, what r the chances of him noticing me as an ungettable girl again? Do any of your ex girlfriends went frm being an ungettable girl, to and “easy” girl (after breakup, she went desperate on you) and then back to being ungettable?
admin
January 28, 2014 at 6:35 pm
A 10 in looks hahahahaha….
Personally, I think I am a solid 8 but my personality and commitment puts me over the top I think. (I’m not very modest either hahaha.)
The NC can help but obviously your best bet is to do some work to shift his paradigm on how he views your personality.
anonymous
January 29, 2014 at 3:43 pm
If men do not settle, and they want the best they can possibly get. Will it ever come to the point when they realise that their ex girlfriend was the best they ever had? i have a hunch that my ex boyfriend is back on the dating field in search for the perfect woman; probably thats why he doesn want to settle or commit just yet. What can i do to convince him that i am indeed the best lady for him? If he doesn even want to entertain my msgs and calls. And mind you. I was not a gnat the last convo we had. 3 short msgs i sent, in btwn i called him 5times. I took the hint that he just wasn interested to talk to me anymore. So i’m bck in nc.
I was thinking after nc, of sending a short video of me saying hi, (making use of my looks to my advantage. Hahaha) but will that be coming on too strong after nc?