Today we’re going to talk about why your ex is flaunting their new relationship all over social media. Unfortunately, this is something that we see a lot of in our private Facebook support group.

I’m of the opinion that there are four core reasons for why an ex would “flaunt” a relationship on social media.

1. Flaunting = Attention
2. The Vengeance Mentality
3. The Avoidant Relationship Death Wheel
4. The Jealousy/No Contact Factor

We’re going to spend some time today going through each of these core reasons so you have a greater understanding.

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Core Reason #1: Flaunting = Attention

We start first with a philosophical question about intent.

What separates an ex flaunting a relationship on social media versus them simply making their relationship official?

Well, let’s take some real life situations and show you an example of flaunting.

Flaunting:

• Posting couple photos that are nearly identical to all of the ones you had together
• Providing updates about taking the new person to a place you always wanted to go to
• Updates EVERY. SINGLE. DAY
• As a general rule every photo, post, video or quote is specifically targeting you

Not Flaunting:

• Posting tasteful couple photos together
• Clicking the “in a relationship” tag in Facebook
• Updates every week/month
• As a general rule every photo, post, video or quote is more about the other person or life in general and in no way connects to you

It’s been my experience that folks who flaunt tend to be all about garnering your attention in some way. I mean, think about the mere act of flaunting.

To flaunt a relationship, especially on social media, implies that you are seeking attention.

• From other people
• From your ex
• From your new partner

It’s a sign of insecurity and a sense of unhappiness. Typically happy people don’t need to tell everyone how happy they are, they just are.

But what could your ex want attention for?

I think the motives of flaunting are a lot more sinister than most people would have you believe and that leads us nicely to core reason number two.

Core Reason #2: The Vengeance Mentality

Put yourself in the shoes of someone wanting to “flaunt” a relationship in your face. There’s a certain admission there.

They want to “show you how good they have it.”

They want to “win the breakup.”

And how do you win the breakup? 

Well, by finding someone better than your ex, right?

It harkens back to a much more primal need that exists in the human heart, a need for vengeance.

To do unto others the wrongs that have been done unto you and the great irony here is that most of the clients we work with have been broken up with, they are the victims, yet their exes claim that they themselves are the victims.

Which is selfish but very on brand for someone who has to use anger to craft this false reality.

Each of us is the hero of our own story but relationships often force us to be our true selves and sometimes we don’t like having the mirror shown in our face.

Here’s my point.

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Many times an ex will feel that they have been wronged by you.

You have made them hurt.

So, they’ll flaunt a new relationship in your face to get back at you. To make you feel the hurt they are feeling.

Which is very on brand for avoidants.

Core Reason #3: The Avoidant Relationship Death Wheel

The vast majority of the exes we’ve studied have avoidant tendencies,

The avoidant aspect is an important piece of information to have because almost all avoidants fall victim to the same cycle, this one,

Now, before I go into why this is relevant to “flaunting” relationships I would like to read you a quote from one of my favorite websites regarding avoidant attachment styles,

Once a breakup is enacted, the avoidant person must justify it to themselves and others. Central to the dismissive subconscious worldview is to expect partners to be too demanding and troublesome, so they will look out for anything that can justify this, regardless of how accurate it really is.

That’s important because of this tiny part of the wheel right here,

Usually what happens is that they use those “worrying things” as an excuse for why the person they are dating is not “the one.”

Of course, if you look at their past relationship history that’s what you tend to find with all of their relationships. There’s always an excuse for what was wrong with the person.

It’s a perfect deactivating strategy to ensure that they don’t ever have to get close to anyone.

After all, an avoidants idea of a perfect relationship is one that they can fawn over from afar without actually risking being hurt.

Where it’s relevant to our purposes is that they often use the “worrying things” to break up with you and then move on to the next person who they then put through the wheel.

But it’s easy to get caught up in its own hype.

Look at the second part of the wheel. That’s the sunshine and roses portion. One where they get caught up in the honeymoon period of the new relationship. The part where they might actually believe that this new person is better than you because at first they are.

Don’t you see how easy it is to rub that feeling into your face?

Yet it’s a fleeting thing.

With enough time the honeymoon period of this rebound wears off, they find some worrying things and on and on it goes.

I’d actually say paying attention to how quickly your ex starts flaunting the new relationship in your face is an important consideration to make.

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Of course, there’s one other core variation my team and I have noticed over the years with flaunting.

Core Reason #4: Jealous/No Contact

The no contact rule has been widely talked about throughout the history of this website.

For reference, our official definition is as follows,

The no contact rule refers to a period of time where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should NOT be used to make your ex miss you but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so that you outgrow your ex. By doing this, the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you

No matter how you slice it you will be using a no contact rule to take a break from your ex from anywhere between 21-45 days.

The results speak for themselves.

However, success isn’t always linear and exes aren’t always quiet. Sure, the majority of exes actually don’t reach out to you during no contact.

But the ones that do…

Oh boy, do they reach out to you and when they encounter a wall of silence in return this just feeds into that theory of reactance.

In case you aren’t familiar, the no contact rule revolves around a psychological theory called reactance,

Reactance is an unpleasant motivational arousal that emerges when people experience a threat to or loss of their free behaviors. It serves as a motivator to restore one’s freedom.

So, here’s my hypothesis.

Sometimes in an effort to get your attention (factor #1) and as a way to get revenge (factor #2) they’ll flaunt a new relationship as a way to get you to break no contact.

Their weapon of choice, jealousy.

So, I guess you could say that factor #4 here is a combination of all the factors that came before it.

One constant remains though.

Flaunting = A Need For Attention

Your ex wants your attention and they’ll do anything to get it. Even flaunting a rebound in front of your face.