Understanding Why Your Ex Boyfriend Is Ignoring You- And How To Get Him To Stop

1,959 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Always Ignoring Me?”

Jaz

November 7, 2013 at 11:37 pm

I’m going to try this but I have a question me and my ex broke up not to long ago out of a almost 2 year relationship, he would always say he’s still in love with me and that he needs me in his life because he loves me? but I would always wonder because the next day it would be something different as if he changed his mind so quick, and I would always think he’s saying that but didn’t really mean it because of his actions, so just about a week ago I told him if he doesn’t want to talk too me anymore why wont he just tell me like id rather him be upfront and just tell me if he doesn’t and he replied that he would talk to me when he had time but I said because one of those days he had time because he had a day off but didn’t reply to my message and he said I’m sorry I really am. and its been about a week now and he has been ignoring my messages when I just feel if he doesn’t want to talk to me why cant he tell me instead of ignore me. any advice on this.

admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:29 pm

Have you ever tried the NC rule before?
Jaz

November 8, 2013 at 8:54 pm

No I haven’t I started yesterday I just for some reason think if I go a month with out saying anything he wont reply when I finally text him back again.
admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:02 am

Well, you don’t know until you try and the alternative isn’t an attractive option either.
Jaz

November 11, 2013 at 2:15 am

Thanks for the advice, I will try it.

Carmen

November 7, 2013 at 6:07 am

Hi! Great website! Ive Just Been no contacting for a month. Ive Been in a LDR for 4 years. Hes 45 and im 37. There were plans to marry and living together from the very beginning because we developed a strong bond and connection as we had never had before, not even in our previous marriages. In spite of distance we skyped, texted and recently FaceTimed as much as we could every single day. I know how much he was pendant on me as I was on him. But this year has Been hard because we had regular arguments which I mainly began. I want us to give a step forward in our relationship because its hard to meet every 3 months. On the other hand although he earns good money, he seems more interested in buying a car and helping his 22-year-old daughter to buy a flat, than arranging his divorce or Sabina for a house for us. I hate to sound selfish but I feel he constantly postpones us. So throughout this year Ive Been accussing him of not doing enough. Last month he texted me saying he was tired of my behaviour and that he wanted us to go different ways. After the first shock I decided not to reply and then I came across your website which gave me strength to put the NC rule into practice. Last weekend it was my Bday but he didnt text. I felt very disappointed but even though I just know I want him back in my life. Im sure he loves me but hes Been too comfortable to arrange the legal aspects for the divorce which means money he probably spent helping his daughter.
ive Been thinking of texting to ask him to send some stuff I left at his place. What do you think of the whole thing? Our relationship and the next step, texting him? Thank you!

admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:20 pm

I think thats a solid plan to be honest.

Texting him after NC is definitely the way to go as well.
Carmen

November 7, 2013 at 8:29 pm

Thanks for your quick answer! Ive Been reading to many of your posts and I can definetly tell hes the stubborn type but he was angry when texting me more than a month ago. His text said he wasnt calling back and he didnt want me to text him again. It was after some drinks but he kept his promise. Not even a text for my bday! That hurt!
Anyway we developed such a fantastic relationship in spite of distance and I dont want to lose him because hes my soul mate. But I dont know how to deal with his laziness to arrange the divorce and I cant think of how being patient!
I think ill wait until Sunday when uploading pics to my Facebook celebrating my bday with different friends on Friday and Sat. Im sure he spies me because he activated his account which had deactivated many months ago. He didnt defriend me either, or delete the pics he has with me.
Is it OK to text something like “Hi John! Is it possible you send me the stuff I left at your place next time youre back in England?” (He works abroad) Or do you think a text appealing to a memory is better?
Thank you so much!
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:02 pm

I think it is if you wan to get your stuff back.

I don’t think it is if you are trying to just open a conversation with him.
Carmen

November 8, 2013 at 6:27 pm

First let me say how much I do appreciate the feedback! Ive Been reading at other women’s comments and your answers and I have to say how tiring I assume it must be for you! Mainly the constant repetition of The NC Rule! LOL
The idea is to open a conversation. Ive just finished reading all your posts about texting after the NC period so I learned a lot more! (Today is day 39 of NC!) I also read the one about LDR (I must admit my bf and me tick all the good boxes!)
So the first text should be an intriguing one, like “I have confession to make… ” then waiting for approximately an hour to send the end of it which includes a memory? Do you agree with something like “I found myself smelling the Issey Miyake
perfume you left here?” for the second text?
admin

November 8, 2013 at 7:31 pm

I am a robot! I answer comments over and over like a robot hahaha.

Usually yes BUT I think don’t do the I have a confession text right off the bat in this case. I just have a feeling that its not best for you. Do just a regualr first contact message that I talk about on the site.
Carmen

November 8, 2013 at 6:34 pm

(Ive just thought of the perfume because it can bring him a memory of the day he asked which perfume I preferred from the ones he was wearing in these days. I didnt hesitate to answer that one and since then it’s the one he wears.)

Payton

November 7, 2013 at 5:57 am

Hello,
So my boyfriend and I were together for about two and 1/2 years. I broke up with him around April, but, after I realized I still had feelings for him and after two failed attempts at relationships with other guys, I wanted to get back with him. He wanted it to, so we started “dating” in secret (we didn’t even call it boyfriend/girlfriend). So over the summer we were cool and we had fun together. He told me that he was confused because he didn’t know what “we were” relationship-wise, but he didn’t want to date because he was afraid of arguments and things like that. I wanted to be his girlfriend, but I didn’t tell him and I didn’t push it. I had very strong feelings for and and I thought he felt the same for me, so I didn’t think I needed to push anything.

Then, once the school year began, things have become different. We were alright for a little while, but soon he became aloof and when I asked him about it, he said it was because he was “confused,” that “he was afraid of our future together (since we’d be going to different schools after this year)” then he “didn’t know if he loved me more than a friend.” Eventually he told me that he didn’t love me anymore and that we couldn’t be together anymore. I was crushed.

I wanted to stay best friends–but that also meant I was telling him everything I was feeling. I was a mess, and I let him know through text a lot. He said he felt sorry and that he didn’t want to hurt me. But I knew constantly texting him about it wouldn’t change or help anything, so I tried instead to keep our conversations through text friendly and light. Eventually they just turned strained, especially on his part since it seemed that he was putting no effort into the conversation.

Then we went to a party together, I saw him dancing with another girl, and I was wrecked. He told me when we said goodbye at the party to text him, but when I did he didn’t really try to make any conversation. So I decided the next day to stop talking to him (this was a week and 1/2 ago). I only talked that day to ask for a ride home later on in the week (to which he said he would if I gave him gas money) and then I had a friendly conversation later on that night when we were both up late writing a paper. He ended that conversation with strain, but I hoped that the conversation as a whole meant we were better.

The next day I only contacted him in the morning asking him if he had any stomach medicine. He said he didn’t, then he said “feel better please.” I thought that meant he cared about me, at least a little bit, but when I saw him that morning at school and I said, “today is going to be a bad day,” he just said “gotcha.” So I guess I was wrong.

I haven’t been texting him since, except once when I was confirming the ride home (he said he didn’t “feel comfortable” doing it, and that he didn’t want to drive, so I told him not to worry about it) where afterward I tried having light and friendly conversation. It turned strained again, so I stopped texting. He hasn’t texted me at all.

I see my ex a lot at school, but mostly around other people. He hangs out with the girl he danced with at the party A LOT, but as far as I know they don’t have anything going on between each other (I asked my friends). My ex doesn’t really go out of his way to talk to me, but he will talk to me in the classes where I sit behind him. But he acts very friendly with me, and he can joke around with me like nothing is wrong. (That kind of makes me feel uncomfortable and confused–I don’t know what’s going on there) Sometimes I try to make conversation, but usually he just kind of laughs/smiles and nods or gives short answers.

Today I was walking to class by myself and he happened to be walking to the same class at about the same pace. So we were walking together. As soon as we were alone (or almost alone) however, he seemed nervous and tried to get me to go talk to the teacher (I guess as an attempt to get away from me). Then later today he was with the same girl after school, and they were with a group of some of my friends. So headed over to be with my friends and to also kind of put myself out there to both of them. My ex pretty much ignored me, then he literally ignored me when I tried to say goodbye (he didn’t even glance at me).

I really miss him, but I have no idea how to get him back. I’m afraid that the no contact rule won’t help. Do you have any texting tips/real life tips I could use? Anything is appreciated!!

admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:19 pm

Hmmm… still I think the NC rule is a smart way to approach things.
Payton

November 7, 2013 at 10:12 pm

Alright. Today I pretty much avoided talking to him at all in person. I still don’t text him. Is that a good way to approach this?

P.S. when I was ignoring him, he tried to talk to me. But I either said something short or I said nothing at all. And I walked to class with one of the guys that he was jealous of when we were in a relationship (he’s also a friend of both of ours, but when my ex tried to talk to that guy, I ended up having a conversation with said guy instead, and my ex walked away). Is this okay..?
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Actually no, if you run into him in person you should be all class. Don’t make things awkward be pleasant say a few words and then “have to leave.”
Payton

November 9, 2013 at 4:10 am

The problem is, we share some classes together where he sits in front/near me. I don’t want to move because that’s where all of my friends sit too. I can’t exactly walk away from him. What should I do instead?

Also, I have seen my ex hanging out A LOT with the girl I mentioned before. They go out of each others’ way to hang out. I see it sometimes, when I’m in the same break as she is and he comes over. Although they have other friends there, they sit right next to each other, pretty much touching. And this happens RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, although I’m sure my ex knows that it bothers me. If I had done that to him after I broke up with him the first time, he would have been very angry and he wouldn’t have let me forget about it. After being asked again if they liked each other, the girl said no. I’m very confused about this, and I don’t know how to handle it.
admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:53 am

Do you think he is using this girl to make you jealous?
Payton

November 10, 2013 at 3:37 am

I’m not sure, but he knows that it makes me jealous to see him with her (I had glared at him from across the room, and they both took notice, which caused a little bit of drama). Do you know how I could tell if he is trying to make me jealous?

Sorry to ask again, but what do you think I should do about the situation with him talking to me in class? I’m just not sure what I should do. (It irks me that he acts like we’re friends in front of other people, but will completely ignore me/avoid me as much as he can)
admin

November 10, 2013 at 9:53 pm

Just act confident, talk back but don’t engage him too much.
Payton

November 13, 2013 at 1:07 am

So I’m pretty sure my ex has feelings for the girl I mentioned before. But I know that she doesn’t have feelings for him–and I realized that in reality my ex is the one constantly going out of his way to talk to her. For example, the girl was in one classroom talking with her best friend and he went over to the classroom and only hung around her. I understand that she might not know what’s going on and just thinks he’s acting normal, or doesn’t really know what to do about it. But just seeing him always with her makes me feel really uncomfortable.
When class was about to start, they both headed to class together. My ex passed by me, and although we had seen each other already that morning (where neither of us greeted each other) he decided to wave and ask me about my breakfast as he walked by with the girl. I don’t understand why he would act friendly with me while he was with her–I think he might be trying to make himself feel better about shoving this thing he thinks he has with her in my face.

my question: what should I do about all this? I’m kind of at a loss.
Payton

November 13, 2013 at 10:05 pm

So I found out today that he had told her a few days ago that he had feelings for her, but she rejected him. Yet they still act the way they did before (hence my above post). So he still acts the same way with her (and he’s still hurting me).

I’m sure that he still has feelings for her (he still acts like it) and nothing really has changed except he knows that she doesn’t have feelings for him. She told her friend that she just wants to be “close friends” with him.

Is there something I can do to influence his feelings? Or, something I can do to make myself seem more desirable than her?

Btw, I’m on day 6 of complete NC (and on day 13 of no texting)
admin

November 14, 2013 at 6:48 pm

Yes but tbh this thing with this other girl may need to play out first.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Nothing. Just act as classy as you possibly can about the entire situation.
Payton

November 10, 2013 at 4:43 am

Also, I found out today that my sister was planning to go to a movie with her friend, and my ex is going too. I don’t know what to make of this, if it means something or if he’s just ok with hanging out with my sister. (It does make me a bit angry though, because I feel like he’s kind of inserting himself in my life but completely ignoring me. If that makes any sense.)
admin

November 10, 2013 at 9:55 pm

It means he is just going to a movie. Hopefully Thor!
Payton

November 8, 2013 at 1:12 am

I just found out that today my ex didn’t go to Zumba, and he told my sister it was because he wasn’t feeling it. It’s odd because he has gone to every single Zumba class since it’s started. Today was the first time in a while that I went, and I think maybe he caught wind of that and decided to miss the meeting because of me. What should I do about this? It hurts to think that he is going out of his way to avoid me.
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Or its a good thing because it hurts to see you b/c deep down he misses you.

I could be off base here though.

Anica

November 4, 2013 at 8:35 pm

Hey
this was the first time I actually read something that helped me with my problem haha
My ex boyfriend and me broke up the first time about a year ago. after that it was just an on off relationship until he broke up again. I had a great time with him in September and now he’s just been ignoring me since 34 days and I stopped messaging him since 22 days. So do you think I should wait till day 30 and message him again? I’m scared that he’ll still ignore me.

admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:17 pm

I do think you should!

melisa

November 4, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Hello,

I am writing this since you say you have listed 3 excuses to ignore your ex. I couldn’t find any reasons to mine. Its been almost 2 years since we broke up. we broke up cause I had to move the country. First 6 months we cut if off no communication, nothing, then he wanted to talk to me we started talking. We were skypeing everyday for 4 months since he lives in America and I am in Europe. Its been almost 9 months we stopped talking. I have texted him for the first time last week since I was in America. Saying how much I loved nyc. It was my first time in new york. He sent me his picture as a reply and that is it. I have texted him again asking whats wrong why ignoring me like this. He doesn’t reply. What kind of a behaviour is this? I don’t get it.

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:26 pm

He is blowing you off which means you are texting him too soon after NC. Wait have you even done NC yet?
melisa

November 4, 2013 at 9:00 pm

I have texted him when I was in NY, just saying how much I liked NY. He responded with a photo of himself. Now I am back home its been a week. One week of NC is enough. So I replied and asked what is it with the photo? Why cant I hear from him? Why am I being punished? This is worse then a bad guy situation. This is inhuman.
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:22 pm

He is using NC on YOU hahaha.
melisa

November 5, 2013 at 10:39 pm

Photo already killed the NC. He shouldn’t have replied in anyways. You couldn’t help me with this tho I still don’t get it, and it looks like I will never do hahaha
admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:03 pm

Men are complicated huh?
melisa

November 6, 2013 at 9:34 pm

Men? Men are simple. This is a kid having fun.
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:31 pm

Hahahahahahaha would you like to run the site?

BEST ONE LINER EVER!
melisa

November 7, 2013 at 9:19 pm

hahaha glad that I made you laugh but I think ex boyfriend situation doesn’t need any explanation. Its just women feeling desperate and trying to find answers when there is none. Grown ups talk to each other whereas kids play games. I think women should let it go not even worry to question it.
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:03 pm

Well thats certainly a “grown up” way to approach things ;).

Jaeshell

November 4, 2013 at 12:24 pm

So my boyfriend and i have been dating for 5 years and two weeks ago we got into a fight and i walked away just to calm down when i look outside of my house he has left in his car…six hours later i call him to ask him if he’s coming over and on the first call he does not answer…i call a second time and ask him if He’s coming over and he just responded nooooo…..so i hung up…..the next two or three days i kept texting him asking why he was ignoring me and he simply texted back “im sorry but i need to be alone…i want to do something with my life” “its not you”….

I don’t understand the day we fought i asked him if he wanted to be with me…if he still cared about me….and he just stayed quiet and looked out the window as if i was not even there….thats why i got off the car and went inside because his silence just hurt me…..

I finally got the strength to go to his house and see him …when i arrive there he kept his distance no hug no kiss he just stayed by his door and of course I’m asking him for an explanation of everything…and he just looks at me and says why are you here…why did you come…your making things harder…..i felt helpless and just left…he did mot follow me or text or call after that either…even though i blew up his phone…

I have been having extreme anxiety attacks and panic attacks ever since this happened…I’ve missed a week of work…i don’t want to eat..sleep…do anything….i must check my phone like 1000 times in one hour…but no text

I keep texting him and about four days ago he responded with “live your life”……thats it…..

What would cause a man that you have been with for five years just get up and leave….i have been with him when he didnt have a job and when he didnt have a car….with my help he was able to get both…a year after getting both car and job he decides to throw this on me…..just ignore me as if i never existed….no contact with me whatsoever…i feel like he might have met someone at work…i mean all of the sudden he cut his hair he had braids, long hair for like ever….he is 29 and his bday is on nov 20 which is coming up 🙁 he’s a scorpio and im an aquarius not sure if that has anything to do with it….i want to give him his space but im just so confused on why if we saw each other everyday for five years he can just ignore me like that…i have done nothing wrong…i have always been faithful and the best girlfriend i can be….i am very sad upset confused….help anyone!!!!! Its been 15 days since this all happened….today i called and text him and he ignored me like usual…..

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:20 pm

Have you done NC yet?
Jaeshell

November 4, 2013 at 7:43 pm

My last text (hopefully if im strong enough to do NC) was sent out today in the morning…..
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:11 pm

You are strong enough to do NC I know it.
Jaeshell

November 12, 2013 at 8:45 pm

Okay,

So after the last two and 1/2 weeks of texting and calling with no response back from him…i sent a final text message to him saying this:

“Hi…I’ve been thinking and I just want to tell you that I love you and I will leave you alone as u asked..it’s best for us to be apart for now…i’ll be here if you need me or want to talk…I will respect your decision because i want u to be happy..im sorry for everything..xoxo love you…”

He responded back about ten minutes later with: “Thanks”

Not sure if this is a positive response considering the fact that all this time i’ve been texting him and calling him here and there with no luck of getting him to respond until now.

I did not respond back and plan on doing NC for 30 day’s as of today 11-12-13. His birthday is coming up and i know i will have to be suppppper strong.

This is the first time we ever break up after 5 years being together. I think the reason why he wants time alone for the fact that since day 1 of meeting each other…we would see each other from 5:00-10:00 everynight…and spend all day together on the weekends…maybe we both needed space…He is working really hard at a new job at a hospital and his hours of work have changed a bit. Either way…we have only seen each other twice since the breakup (and only because I showed up unannounced to his house) bad mistake…

Still have some hope left that he may come back…

**BTW im 24 years old and he is turning 29.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 6:40 pm

What are you doing during NC to evolve?
Jaeshell

November 18, 2013 at 7:49 am

Update:
So…today was day 5 of no contact after a month of being apart…i text him the following:
“Hey hope your good miss you…”
“I want you to know that im okay i havent cried in over a week and im actually feeling good lol im actually loosing alot of weight yay work and school is great…still miss you though anyways i love you xo bye”
He wrote back almost immediately….
“Im sorry for making you cry and hurting you im glad you are ok”

Wayyyyy more than his usual leave me alone…or one worded text…

I responded back a couple of minutes later with this:
“We need this break babe both of us…im here for you..you know this…i want u to be happy..even if that means stepping away from you..your a man you know what you are doing and what you want…i miss the sex by the way lol..but yeah im here when ever youre ready gotta go bye”

Then ten minutes later i emailed him some new photos showing the lbs ive shed and a happy face and a sexy one lol and i sent him the following text:
“I emailed u something”

Mind u i have never emailed him ever…

He text me back a couple of minutes later…
“Got it….beautiful”

I left it there….so im going to restart no contact as that is the rule lol…

In the meantime im working out loosing weight hanging out with people i could never hang out with when i was with him (yes boys too) focusing on work and school as i am going into law school soon…first three weeks were the hardest but its getting easier…

So do u think there is still some sort of love there…we were together for five years (for complete story readers please see my previous posts)

Xoxo jae
admin

November 18, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Awesome. Glad you are taking control of your life like this. Becoming a better person a better version of yourself.

Hmm.. I think he has feelings certainly but right now he doesn’t love you. That is something you have to earn I suppose.
Jaeshell

November 22, 2013 at 4:15 pm

Okay..so the texting from him continued throughout the night:

11:53 pm
HIM: ?
4:49 am
HIM: ?
HIM: well f*ck you then…

should i text him back?
Jaeshell

November 29, 2013 at 3:42 am

Ok soooo he text me that he wanted to see me after thanksgiving dinner…i went over to his house we were alone..we started talking about the breakup…he still insists that its not me…that he just wants to be alone…so i asked him well do u still want to be alone..he said i don’t know yet…lol ahhh..we hugged and sat close with his arm around me on the couch..but i felt overwhelmed again and told him i was calling it a night…i left didnt even give him a chance to say anything even kiss me in the mouth goodbye…i just wanted To leave and run to my car and cry…i drove off and about five minutes later i called him and apologized for storming out..i told him he needed to make up his mind whether he wanted to be with me or not and i hung up the phone…15 min later i text him…
I love you..but next time u decide to call/text me…make sure its cuz u wanna be with me…im not up for this…
He did not respond…
Ten minutes later i sent this final text…
I wish none of this wouldve happened..and things were like they were before…everything was perfect…. 🙁
Good night
He wrote back right away..
Good night
Sooo yeah…here is where we are a month and some days later…what should i do next…
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:15 am

Hmm not exactly a great response…

Wait about a week and reengage him with another text maybe more dumbed down and less… relationshipy.
Jaeshell

November 28, 2013 at 10:36 am

It is worrying me that he wrote back because of that text i have only sent him that one text msg about sex…sex has not been brought up since the breakup…its 5:38 am…he has not called or text…i cant keep up with these games 🙁
admin

November 29, 2013 at 1:42 am

Sorry I am getting confused.. haha
Jaeshell

November 28, 2013 at 12:11 am

UPDATE:
Well since my last post he did not text me after we saw each other until monday at 11:52 pm he called me…i did not answer… at 1:01 a.m i sent him this text msg to see what would happen….
ME: i wanna f#%*
He wrote back at 1:57 a.m this….
HIM: :/
Then later on the day at 1:22pm he text the following….
HIM: …..
Then at 5:06 pm that same day he wrote yet again..
HIM: ?
And again at 8:37 pm
HIM: ok..
9:23pm
HIM: …….
At 10:13pm
HIM: hello
10:23 pm
HIM: ??
At 10:25 pm…
HIM: j*^%# (my real name)
And 10:29 pm…
HIM: helllllooo asshole

I gave in on tuesday 10:41 am and text him this…
ME: asshole?
ME: thats how u gonna talk to me
He text back at 10:52 am..
HIM: no
HIM: no
(He sent it twice) back to back
……i didnt respond back until 5:42 pm that same day with
ME: ok
He responded in less than a minute with
HIM: ok
I wrote back at 5:46pm with
ME: well
He responded a minute later with…
HIM: well what
I responded right away with….
ME: nothing
He text back a minute later with…
HIM: how was your day
I took two minutes and responded with…
ME: good
He text back immediately…
HIM: good
I then decided to call him out on why he was texting me last night…i text him with this at 6:06 pm..
ME: what happened last night that u text me
He wrote back a minute later with…
HIM: i fell asleep..( i guess he thought i was asking him why he didnt text me back which is weird because i did not text him back…)
He wrote back right after immediately with this…
HIM: last text u said u wanted to f#%^
I wrote back a minute later with…
ME: so thats y u text me back
He wrote back right away with…
HIM: no but u just texted me that out of no where
I wrote back a minute later with…
ME: ok
He responded a minute later with…
HIM: ok
I waited a minute a sent him this text…
ME: its funny how ive been texting you this whole time and u tell me to leave u alone but u get that text msg and u call and text me back
He wrote back right away with..
HIM: its funny, oh ok
I waited like thirty minutes and something told me to call him to see if he would answer…i called once and no answer…waited a few moments and called again…no answer..gave it like two minutes more and called him one final time..he answered..when he picked up i asked him are u busy and he said with an attitude in his voice im trying to take a shower i paused for a moment said okay and hung up..i waited about an hour and text him with…
ME: are u busy?
He wrote back four minutes later with…
HIM: yes..
He didnt call or text until this morning wednesday (11/27) he text me at 3:54 a.m. With….
HIM: hey
…i have not responded back he has not text or called either after his last text message…

Im getting really frustrated with all of this..its like he text/calls when its convenient for him.,,he has never text me or called me during these late hours jn the five years we were together…not even when we first started dating…

I dont know what it is that he wants with me..im just really confused and i hate it…i really want to sit and ask him straight up what is it that he wants and expects from me…this is the same guy who a month ago told me to leave him alone that he wanted to be alone and needed space…and refused to text back or call me even when i said i was going to thr hospital after the breakup due to anxiety and depression..but he blew up my phone when i sent a text msg asking for sexual relations with him,,even though i had no intentions of doing so when i sent thr text…im so lost…what should i do form here…
admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:48 am

Are you saying that he only responded a lot to you when sex was mentioned? Is that what you are worried about?
Jaeshell

November 23, 2013 at 5:56 pm

Okay i think i messed up….

So i broke down and text him back yesterday….we ended up hanging out…it went good..no sex one quick kiss..so far no text from him…there are sooo many mixed up emotions going thru my head since we called it a night…i was estatic that we were hanging out but something was sooo off. Ugh how do i fix this…whats going thru his head now…while we were out he kept glancing at me smiling and would look away almost shy like..he did caress my face and touch my hair…so confused..i text him earlier this morning with a 😉 …. No response back…then i wrote back about an hour or so later…busy? I’ll let u go…still no response
admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:22 pm

Ok, stop texting him for a while. Wait a week and if he doesn’t get bak to you try one of the texts I recommend.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 8:22 pm

NO just ignore him for a while. He is just upset he is not getting his way.
Jaeshell

November 19, 2013 at 3:47 am

I dont understand how i have to earn it…he is the one who left…i did nothing wrong that would make him stop loving me…i never cheated always respected him took care of him financially physically and emotionally..please elaborate the best you can..thanks 🙂
Jaeshell

November 22, 2013 at 4:08 am

Okay so he just text me…

HIM: hey
……..
HIM: hello
…….
HIM: ?
…..
HIM: okay bye

Wow…what does this mean…i have not text back (NC RULE) help!!!
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:39 pm

Hahahahahaha its normal this is what happens during the NC rule.
Jaeshell

November 21, 2013 at 7:19 am

Okay update….
Soooo it was his bday on 11/20 and i did not call or text !!!
NC started again this Monday…so far im doing great!! Breakup was on 10/19…Will keep all of you updated!!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:45 pm

Keep us updated. You are doing great.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:52 pm

You know what you are absolutely right. HE is the one who should have to earn it.
Jaeshell

November 19, 2013 at 3:49 am

I meant to ask if you think there is a chance of him wanting to see me again….i know he loves me
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:51 pm

I think so but maybe its more likely down the road.

Renee

November 3, 2013 at 11:11 pm

Hey Chris!

Going nuts back here…finished NC and sent my first text yesterday (he didn’t contact me at all during this time)– was related to me being out in the water and thinking of him since he loves the beach & surfing. I also mentioned (in the same text) that the break was a good idea– it allowed lots of great people and things to come into my life. And I left it at that. (Was I wrong to say that, BTW?)

The reply I got back was “Great to hear from you. Awesome that you’re having fun.” Then he wrote a few more lines about getting caught in a rip tide while surfing.

I waited about 24 hrs later and said, “Well, glad to hear you’re ok! Great job braving the waves. I bet that must have been a great rush. Going back today? Keep being careful!”

I haven’t gotten a response back yet (after 5 hrs). I haven’t lost all hope, but, just in case, what if they stop contacting you after seemingly responding really well at first? Then what should I do?

Thanks!

admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:25 pm

It just means you need to keep them engaged in the conversation more!

Loz

November 3, 2013 at 8:07 pm

I have no idea 🙁

He never said we were together OR if we were broken up so I am also confused.

I am only assuming we aren’t together on basis his phone is disconnected and he has not been returning my calls 🙁

Thoughts?

admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:06 pm

Well, if you were never together that changes things a bit. Nevertheless, NC still seems ideal.
Loz

November 4, 2013 at 11:20 pm

Chris,

Sorry what do you mean by still applying NC rule?

Given he has disconnected his phone I have no option to NC as I can’t contact him anyways.

Could please explain what you mean so I can understand? Please refer to my x2 prior moments under ID “Loz” .

Thanking you for your help so far.
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:33 pm

I meant more on what NC can do for you. Focus on YOU during the NC.

Sarah

November 3, 2013 at 1:18 am

So, i have a question. Btw, you have great website and i love it. My boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago, because in his words i was too demanding and emotional. He didn’t do much effort in relationship and basically wanted to be a single guy with a stable girlfriend, naturally i had an issue with it and we broke up.

Then he contacted me 2 months after that on FB and begged me to meet him. I did thinking he misses me, but all he wanted is a shoulder to cry on, because the girl he dated after he broke up with me, and as i suspect he flirted with her during our relationship, she dumped him. So he contacted me coz he was depressed because she dumped him. Anyway i listened for 4 hours to this nonsense, and we stayed FB friends. Then he started sending me sexual messages on FB, i confronted him and asked if he still wants to date me. He said no, he just wants to be friends.

Anyway, during our relationship he kept attacking Mohammad, islamic prophet and Jews. I grew up in both cultures Muslim and Jewish and he hated them. So we had tons of arguments about it and i asked him not to talk about it. Finally he send me FB message saying hateful things about Mohammad and i blew up. I have bad temper when i get angry, so i started calling him a lot, and leaving bad messages. Then he picked up the phone and started yelling that he hates Mohammad and my academic jew friends. Nonsense, total nonsense considering i am agnostic.

Anyway, the break up was very bad. We both called cursed each other a lot and then he hanged up. To piss him off i continued calling coz his battery dies when i call. Anyway then i told him TO NEVER contact me again. Question is – despite all of that nonsense i still miss him. In my mind i know i should not miss him, but i do. I don’t understand why actually. Will he try to contact me again? I feel our whole relationship was based on absolute nonsense and we argued for incredibly silly things. Also, he did flirt with women the whole time we dated and that pissed me off as well but somehow i still miss him.

admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:51 pm

Religous differences huh.

It sounds like you argued because HE was immature.

Leanne

November 2, 2013 at 9:41 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me 5 weeks ago. We had been going out for a year and where both really happy. We started talking about moving out a few month before the break-up. He was all up for the idea even going as far as booking viewings with estate agents. The only problem is he has very controlling parents. In a way I understand has he has a mild form of autism extremely mild as I told him he appeared normal to me as he could do a lot if thing that the condition states you can’t. However he told me his parents have always brought him down and made him very aware of what he has and what he can’t do. I always treat him properly I tried to help him with his confidence as best I could (but in a way that wasn’t obvious to him) my sister is physically and mentally disabled so I understand how horrible it can be. Anyway getting back on track. Before he broke up with me he mentioned to his parents about a sofa they were getting rid if and if we could have it. His parents said no we are throwing it out. I thought nothing of it but now realized this must of been the catalyst of things going down hill and his parents realizing woah this is going too fast. The Monday night before we broke up. We had spoke on the phone and he had told me he loved me. Why would you tell someone that if you where going to break up with them the day after? He used to tell me he loved me everyday that I was amazing and I made him happier than he has ever been he said to me that I made him more Confident we were both so happy. Then he broke up with me I don’t get it. I did try contacting him within the 5 weeks but confusingly he has blocked ME, blocked my number on his iphone which you can do now unfortunately and blocked me on Facebook. I read what u said about him not wanting anything to do with you but there is no good reason for him to do this. It’s confused me so much. Why would you think he would do this? Thanks Chris hope I haven’t bored you!!!

admin

November 2, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Maybe he is just angry at you which is where all the blocking and stuff comes from.

I mean usually people get blocked when they become text gnats.
Leanne

November 2, 2013 at 8:35 pm

That’s not possible I text him a week after we broke up so he had blocked me before then! I’m not a gnat I only txt him once when I found out he blocked me. He has nothing to be angry about I never hurt him like I say we where happy!
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Still, some men will pain themselves as victims even though they are not. Maybe he is doing this.
Leanne

November 3, 2013 at 10:28 pm

So u think there’s no hope?
admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:18 pm

Sure, but it depends on a number of factors that can be out of your control sometimes. Nevertheless, hope is there.
Leanne

November 4, 2013 at 10:10 pm

Thanks Chris, ur right it is out of my control just guna have to wait!

kellyrod

November 1, 2013 at 3:06 pm

Hey, well my ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago and its been a very very hard time for me. In this time alone I’ve realized problems with myself and have done a lot in trying to fix them. We were together for almost two years but we had a very strong love for each other. In the time apart, I decided to do no contact because I felt that that way our emotions could settle. I still am very much in love with him. So last week he sees that I posted a picture of me studying for my midterms. The next day he texted me wishing me luck. (This was the first text since break up).I responded a few hours later saying “Thank you! one down, two to go. i hope youre doing well.:)” he never replied back. So today i texted him wishing him a happy friday and a picture of something that reminded me of him and he hasn’t answered. I’m so confused.. what does this all mean. He texts me one week and ignores me the next? Is there any chances of getting back together?

admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:58 pm

Well, I don’t recommend contacting your ex on his bday if you are in NC.
kellyrod

November 2, 2013 at 1:08 am

happy birthday?…you mean happy friday?..
well he answered back and hes like “yeah the picture is really funny, thanks.” i didnt reply.

ugh its so frustrating. i need help
admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Sorry about that for some reason I read happy birthday.

Take a deep breath. You need to take a break in NC for a week or so and then try again.
kellyrod

November 2, 2013 at 1:19 am

we are already past the 30 days no contact
admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:49 pm

You can contact him now you know.

maryanne

November 1, 2013 at 1:02 pm

just broke up with my ex, we sort of dated for a total for 5 mths, things were all well till the first two months, we ended it off but got back again after a month of pleading. after getting back, things didnt goes well, we kept fighting every 2-3 days, cus i felt that he wasnt giving me enough attention and me being very insercure we fight alot but at the end i will apologise and things sort of ‘move on’ till a day he went for a 4 days trip i decided to sent him a text asking if things should continue. he didnt reply i kept spamming him with text till and he say ‘just take it as i leaves you’ howvwer after much pleading he say we will go no contact till thu and eventually yeah he texted me. however, i said something wrong and he just decided to end it off, and this time round he seems really determine about it. he sais there no more love. i just keep sending him with alot of msges which i think i really screw it off. but i really loves him, the suituations seems really hopeless now. how? i really hope to get him back..

admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:57 pm

Are you doing NC?
maryanne

November 18, 2013 at 1:40 pm

sort of no contact. we met a few days back, things was really tense during the first 30 mins of meeting after tht we decided to go to somewhere a park, things got better he lean to me, and thn he suggested we sit in the car, whn we got into the car i ask for a hug and he lean towards me things got really steamy, we did all sorts of things we have never done before as a couple, other thn sex. i dont really know what is going on now, we didnt got back, everything seems like a mess now. does he wants me only for my body?
admin

November 18, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Well when he compliments you is he only complimenting your body?

mary

October 29, 2013 at 2:25 pm

Hi Chris!

I think I followed most of these rules- probably not to a T, but things seemed to be improving between my ex and me. Recently he suggested we go out for coffee ( hadn’t seen each other in 3 months) and things seemed to be ok. Lots of smiles and laughs, he seemed interested again, and even gave me really long hug before we left, he also said he would be interested in doing it again when I suggested it. I didn’t contact- waited- and the next day I received a message from him about how it was nice to see me. I responded how it was nice to see him and how nice the weather was. Then…nothing. for a week. 2 friends suggested I ask him to do something fun, like go on a hike, really casually the following week. So I did. Then, I hear nothing. for 2 days. I knew that he read the messages (Facebook). So I waited the two days and asked him if everything was OK. He replied, said yes it was he is just busy job hunting. We both are so we commiserated for a little bit- and then I asked him what he thought about the hike idea. He didn’t reply and got offline. I know I should have just left it at that, but at this point I was really upset and confused. So the next day I messaged saying I was sorry if I said something wrong, I thought since coffee went well I thought it would be nice to do something fun together that some friends suggested I ask, but that perhaps I should have waited, I didn’t want him to feel stifled. He read it. and didn’t answer. Now I have no clue what to do and am really confused. I feel stuck! I also think he might be casually seeing another girl and am worried :/ Thanks for your help!

admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:55 am

Deep breath.

Take a few days of NC before you reach out again. You moved to soon on that hike idea. He wasn’t ready for that.
mary

October 31, 2013 at 12:06 am

Thanks! Yup, my gut was telling me to wait and let him ask to meet again- but friends said otherwise. They’re well meaning but I think I’ll listen to my gut next time!

He likes his space so I think I’ll wait until he reaches out again.
admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:20 pm

Trust that gut of yours ;).

Happy Halloween!

MR

October 25, 2013 at 1:25 pm

I stumbled upon your website via the TYEB community. All of your articles are very helpful. But, here is my story:
I lost my job at the beginning of this month,and have hit some legal troubles. I told my boyfriend everything (no white lies, completely transparently honest) and he said he’d help me through it. Then, a week later he broke up with me. I waited a couple of days and sent him an email, apologizing for my wrong doings and putting any sort of added pressure on him and wishing him the best. Then, I went into NC. I haven’t gotten any response.

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:25 pm

Really, TYEB talks about this website?

How long have you been in NC?

Dez

October 24, 2013 at 8:02 pm

Hi Chris. I just followed your example and texted my ex “You’ll never believe who I bumped into…” After a really rough break up of mostly him ignoring any text, email, or phone call I sent his way, I stopped all contact for over 45 days. We were together for 6 years, but it ended with him telling me he loved me but was no longer in love with me. He immediately responded with “Who?” – FINALLY A RESPONSE! I responded with the name of the person and tied it to a positive memory of ours and he did not respond to the last text. What’s my next step?

I love your site and find it helpful that it gives great, proactive advice. I would love to give more details about my specific situation and hear your thoughts about the potential of us getting back together, but I am nervous about putting too much detail on a website.

Thanks!

admin

October 26, 2013 at 12:51 am

Well, wait about a week and then contact him again with a different type of text message but have more substance to it 🙂
Dez

October 28, 2013 at 12:21 pm

He ended up responding later in the day with “That’s awesome.” Immediately followed by, “Im not ready. But, in the future, it would be nice to talk to you. If you’re ok with that…?” Mind you, he broke up with me. I responded hours later by saying “Things have been crazy recently, but it would be nice to catch up one day.”

What does his text mean besides the obvious he does not want to talk to me right now? How did I do with a response – A, B, C, D, or F?
admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:26 am

B minus. Which isn’t bad at all but it means you still have work to do.

It means he still cares about hurting your feelings. He cares what you think of him.
Dez

October 30, 2013 at 12:05 pm

I wish I felt that I wanted to move on, but I miss him terribly everyday. I’m better with percentages. What percentage do you give us for getting back together? What’s my next step to bettering those chances?
admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:35 pm

Your percentage depends on your connection with him.

An excellent emotional connection- 50%
A good emotional connection- 25%
A bad emotional connection- 10%

And even those numbers may be high that is just me spitballing.
Dez

October 29, 2013 at 11:59 am

So do you think there’s hope of ever getting back together or has that ship sailed and he just feels bad for hurting me? Ok Chris, what’s our game plan now? Thank you for everything!
admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:52 am

I think there is a chance but it is less now :(. Are you feeling like you want to move on?

Sarah

October 24, 2013 at 11:49 am

I did the NC rule immediately after he broke up with me for a month. I admit I was too clingy during the relationship and there are faults within myself I have been working on during this time apart. I wrote him a letter explaining that I was sorry for how I made him feel and treated him and how I have changed. No reply. I then waited two weeks and tried your method of texting my ex back last friday. Still nothing.
Im not sure what to do now, as its been almost seven weeks of no contact.
I honestly still see myself having a future with him, and I recognize the old relationship is dead, as it should be. I truly have changed and I don’t know how to show him. Im struggling to understand why he is ignoring me and what steps to take next.
Would really appreciate your advice.

admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:11 pm

Well, you are having trouble getting him to respond.

What are your texts like?
Sarah

October 25, 2013 at 12:19 pm

I have only sent one text.

It was the first contact text, I said how the rain reminded me of him and our trip together.

I recognize that this text may not have warranted a response.

Im conflicted in not wanting to push him away but at the same time trying to rekindle our relationship. What do you think the best approach is?

Ps Your sites really great 🙂
admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:22 pm

Yes the text could have been better. It lacks a bit of detail..

Taylor

October 23, 2013 at 5:45 am

We weren’t bf and gf but we were talking. I met this guy online and we were texting every day all day for months. We really REALLY fell for each other and he told me that it’s crazy that we like each other so much without even meeting. He told me that they way we texted, it was like we were a couple already and he liked that fact. So he finally moved to my state and we went out and the date went great and he stayed over (nothing happened). He told me that he wanted to see me again very soon.

A few days later I notice he’s not texting me as much/ late at night so I ask him about it. He tells me that his sleeping schedule is messed up (he just started his master’s program and he was hanging out with his new roommates a lot). A couple days later I’m drunk and I text him “Is it over?”. He says “why can you not take it easy?” I respond that I feel like I’m losing myself (I’m wasn’t used to texting a guy so much without meeting first).

2 days later I apologize for being dramatic and tell him that I want to take things slow/not want to jump to conclusions and not make the same mistakes I made before (jumping into things too quickly). 12 days later he replies “sorry I’ve been quiet but things went bad”. I agree and tell him that I wish I never told him what I did. Then I ask him does this mean things aren’t working out? He doesn’t reply. 2 days later I send him a happy birthday text and he responds fairly quickly “hey hey thank you very much :)”. A few days later it’s my birthday and he sends me a happy birthday text. That was Sept 29.

After talking to a male friend, he told me that I should send him a text and ask him out if I miss him so much. Just for me to take it slow and not mention things that went wrong before. So far I’ve texted “hey, long time no talk. How have you been?” So far it’s been over a week and I have not gotten a response.

What do I do?

admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:03 pm

You were talking huh!.

So, the two of you never dated?
Taylor

October 24, 2013 at 12:31 am

No but we talked all the time- all day, every day. It was like we were dating- he even told me we acted like bf and gf. He even told me he loved me once. We went out once before I started being dramatic.
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Well that was progress until the dramatic thing…

chancery

October 21, 2013 at 12:52 pm

Hey, my boyfriend and I had been together for 5 months. I just knew that he cheated on me through the voicemail that I received. What made me sad the most is that he didnt even apologize and didnt admit tht he was wrong. He’d replied how he didnt cheat and only said how much he love me. We’ve been in a LDR before for 3 months and we constantly texted and he called me everyday. Many times i ignored him as i was too busy. When i found out that he cheated on me while i am here, it made me realised that he could’ve done it when i wasnt here. The last text he gave me was ‘ i dont care if you dont trust because i dont give s**t you are nothing for me now’

So my questions are:
1. Could it be i didnt care about him made him wanted to cheat on me?
2. Is his lie considered as white lie or bad lie?

admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:51 am

Sorry he cheated on you.

I recommend reading this post:

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back-if-he-cheated-on-you/

Julia

October 20, 2013 at 3:44 pm

I dated my boyfriend for 3 months and he recently broke up with me. Things were wonderful for about 2 months, and then we both got new jobs and got extremely busy. We never really talked about how we were going to handle being so busy, and just sort of let it get in the way. Anyway, when he broke up with me he said he felt that the relationship wasn’t making him happy anymore, and it didn’t feel the same as it did back in the summer.

I pointed out that had we talked about how to handle the new changes in our lives we would have been okay. He also was hesitant to leave my house, and said he didn’t want to never see me again.

This was a week ago and I haven’t talked to him since. I’m just wondering what the chances are he will come around and want to get back together. I feel like the decision was so hasty, and there are so many more good things about us than things that were a struggle.

admin

October 20, 2013 at 9:10 pm

Well, are you doing NC?
Julia

October 20, 2013 at 9:44 pm

Yes, I haven’t said anything since he left my house that night. You think it’ll work?
admin

October 22, 2013 at 12:53 am

I think it is a step in the right direction.
Julia

October 21, 2013 at 10:21 pm

I also wanted to add that we knew each other in high school, but never really dated. We got in touch after a number of years and really hit it off. I feel like we may have jumped in head first a little too much. However, the chemistry was there no doubt, which he even said himself. He said a month ago he would’ve done anything to make it work.

Just wondering what the chances are he’s just unsure of what he wants.

dina

October 19, 2013 at 8:50 pm

Hello again. It’s to do with mental / physical maturity between the two sexes amongst other things like looks etc ie men tend to age better than women, with similar ages….I think this article will explain that view better: cvrajan.hubpages.com/hub/What-is-the-ideal-age-gap-between-husband-and-wife
In my opinion, it sucks! Age has nothing to do with connection. Fair enough about popping out as many babies as possible, but no-one knows what the future holds and life is too short to hold out for some ‘ideal’ situation (in theory!) to come along! Sometimes its better to grab the bull by the horns and take a chance than to whimper in the corner wondering what if. I come from a culture not too far from his and I can tell you I’ve spent most of my ‘adult’ life opposing unnecessarily strict guidelines but have stuck to certain values where it matters and live life with integrity. I have even changed views of my family on this subject, even though to be honest they are quite liberal anyway and not so demanding. At the end of the day shouldn’t it be about the child’s happiness first and that in turn will make the parents/ family more happy? I don’t know but bottom line for me is that ‘ideal’ cultural age difference is bs!
So do you think having said all that he was sincere in his reasoning? ie he didn’t lead me on and cut it off straight away – he said if we don’t end it now then when the time comes it will be even 10 times harder and there will be for sure tears on both sides. Looking back I just wish he grew a ‘pair’ (sorry) and stood up for himself….to give it (us) a real chance… tried to convince his family he was making the best decision for his own life and own happiness. Your opinion as a man is very appreciated, I’ve read most of your links and it makes sense – the more brutal and straight up the better in my opinion, c’est la vie! so whatever you think will be of some help. Thank you!

admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:36 pm

I hate it when someone lets their parents decide who they date…. its ridiculous.

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