Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back- The Complete Guide

508 thoughts on “Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Allysa.com.com.

December 6, 2016 at 2:27 pm

Hi Amor,
Its been 2 weeks since i initiated the nc..
He contacted me today, should i reply or ignore him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2016 at 11:45 am

It would be better if you finish nc.. Are you improving yourself?

Kayla

November 30, 2016 at 2:43 am

My boyfriend and I were together for just over a year. We moved in together and talked about a future together (marriage and babies). We went through a lot of stresses the last couple months of our relationships (death in the family , moving, school) and we started fighting a few times a week. He broke up with me because he was tired of fighting and couldn’t see a future with me at the moment. SO far 15 days no contact, any advice?

Kayla

December 8, 2016 at 7:02 am

Had to text him day 21 of no contact. – common friend was Asking me to ask him something. He replied. Even responded to casual talk questions . He was polite and said he would get back to me on a few things in the future. Not getting hopes up. If anything it made me feel worse. Good to know he would respond to messages wether they were important or not
Kayla

December 2, 2016 at 9:20 pm

Okay… will do. Completely sure he won’t reach out to me unless I do. Should I even try? Or will I only get ignored
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 3, 2016 at 2:53 pm

If he ignores your initial text, rest for a week before trying again.. If he ignores the second time, rest for two weeks before trying again..if he still ignores you the third time, that means you have to move on
Kayla

November 30, 2016 at 2:45 am

And he says he is still in love with me and I’ve been mature throughout this whole break up. He wants to try to work it out in a few months if we aren’t occupied in other relationships, what do I do to make things right and to get back together
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 7:57 pm

Hi Kayla,

You should try 30 days of no contact.. but if you didn’t start improving yourself in this last weeks and weren’t active in social media posting, restart the count. Check this:
The Ungettable Girl

Allysa

November 29, 2016 at 4:52 am

Hi amor, i have initiated the nc…its been a week now..
But, i found out today that he and the girl are officially dating..what should i do now? Should i continue with the nc or should i just forget about getting him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 8:05 pm

Hi Alyssa

try to finish nc first..heal and improve yourself and then think about your decision with him after nc

Jack

November 24, 2016 at 10:25 pm

This article is hit and miss on the male psyche but attempts to present itself as the last word. The NC rule WTF? How about the old fashioned rule of not confusing sex with love. If women really want some respect, try to keep your legs together and wait until you are married before you start to exchange fluids and possibly bring another life into the world. At least that way, it will give any child a family foundation and some chance of protection from being emotionally wrecked from multiple partner moms and absent fathers. Where sex is involved…its not all about you. Society has rights and shouldnt have to pick up the pieces that others ignorantly leave behind.
Allysa

November 24, 2016 at 1:35 am

Hi..
Me and my ex boyfriend has broke up 10 months ago..during the past few months i have done everything i could to get back with him; from begging, crying, texting, etc..but none of them work…after the break up we still meet and sleep together, but he never want to get back with me..some time he will be as sweet as a bf can be but other times he would treat me like stranger..recently i found out that he was pursuing someone and is waiting for her to say yes..i feel devastated, and so i cry and beg and evrything i could to make him accept me..he said he just wan to be friend and told me to stop hoping..but at the same time he still slept with me while pursuing that girl..when i questioned him he gets very angry and stop talking to me..do you think i still have a chance? What should i do? Please help…

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 4:11 pm

Hi Allysa,

stop chasing and sleeping with him because that lowers your value in his eyes. Do you want to try the no contact rule? And check this one:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

Emily

November 15, 2016 at 2:50 pm

Hi to everyone on Ex Boyfriend Recovery,

Firstly, thank you so much for creating this website, it is the only site I trust for opinions!
Me and my ex-boyfriend were together for over 5 years (started when we were 17). We have been through so much in this time, he moved to london for uni so we were long distance, I moved to london the following year for uni and he supported me so much because I really didn’t like it at the start (he moved me into his places for a month and cooked me dinner every night etc), we had a misscarriage which brought us insanely close together, we have been on many amazing holidays – he still says these places are so special to him. We are best best best friends, just have a good laugh constantly and have the same interests. Everyone, including every member of his family, said they have never seen two people more meant for each other, Im doing a bad job of painting a picture of our relationship but it really has been an amazing few years. (his mum still messages me everyday, she says he doesn’t talk to her much the last year and has become distant from others swell).

Anyway, we were long distance for a year, we both take our exams very seriously and normally we work together or have summer holidays afterwards to put more effort into our relationship. So around June we began to argue a bit (I do know it is less than other couples but still for us it was more than normal!). I have depression and it started to become worse. He had a dissertation to do and it was getting him so down, his friends were being idiots to him and it meant he started to have an eating disorder. He got beat up in a club for no reason and I think it has affected him more than he lets on. Obviously we were there for each other through this and I was the one who got him through his eating problems. However, us not being in a good mental state and being apart wasn’t a good mix. So he broke it off – i shamefully jumped on a train and he took me back. looking back, i would have taken some time apart then and sorted my head out. We still had some lovely times when we were lucky enough to see each other but never tackled the issues and didn’t see enough of each other. Everyone says, and we know, we are better when together and never argue and just have the best times.

So 2 months ago now we ended. We have talked most days, i just found it weird doing no contact rule since it was not communicating and being apart that broke us. He has a really high pressure job and he said he wanted to really focus on that and not have arguments on his mind if he is trying to work- i personally think he got VERY scared that he was growing up (commitment phobia classic example) he constantly said oh god is this what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life, he is living with people who he was friends with when he was 18 so think he is trying to feel young. whats the thing you can control – not being in a long term relationship.

We have met up a few times – he always compliments me, says i am so special to him and always will be, came to my birthday and all my friends said his face lit up when he saw me and was always asking where i was if i wasn’t around (also i was very very drunk so don’t remember but apparently i was talking to his friend about a kiss and he said to me don’t i get a kiss and i ran off dancing) they said he was trying to get me to talk to him all night but i was just having too much of a good time to sit talking. he was giving me lots of hugs when we met – afterwards i told him he couldn’t act like this if he wanted a friendship to work. the next time we met was awkward. But then we met on monday, it was AMAZING, my stomach hurt from laughing, we maintained eye contact (after i read one of your articles), he made me promise we would meet next week and gave me the tightest longest hug ever and said he always looks forward to our nights. he couldn’t look at me after and looked like he was going to cry. for the next few days he was messaging me constant – told me he has got me a xmas pressie, came to me about problems he was having, messaged me even when he was out with friends (had a few drinks), woke up in the night and messaged me about Trump. But then in the last few days has been distant – so i am leaving him too it. Oh and when we broke up he said he still wants us to go on holiday in summer.

I should mention that I have taken this time to drastically improve my mental and physical health – seriously I’ve lost 2 stone and my head is so clear and I’ve learnt so much. for instance, i don’t get angry or jealous because what does that achieve and only hurts yourself, i make a journal, i realise the importance of doing things by yourself and having your own goals. I need him to know things have changed so if we were to try again, i have now sorted the issues that cause the break up, but how do i let him know without ruining it?

I know he doesn’t want a relationship right now, and i know 10000000% there isn’t anyone else as he was shocked when he saw tinder pop up on my phone and said he was no way near ready to date (plus his job is so hectic he doesn’t have the time!) – as cringe as this is, he isn’t that sexual and wouldn’t have a one night stand.

I don’t know if NC will work cause he is very out of sight out of mind – he told me after the 1st breakup that when we are not together he thinks he can go it alone but then when he sees me he realises how much he misses me.
so the question is, do you think that even though he isn’t ready now, do you think i still have a chance for future? how do i increase the chance?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 7:26 pm

Hi Emily,

If less time was the problem before,can you make more time now? Can you invite him more? Talk to him more before trying nc?

Emily

November 15, 2016 at 2:48 pm

Hi to everyone on Ex Boyfriend Recovery,

Firstly, thank you so much for creating this website, it is the only site I trust for opinions!
Me and my ex-boyfriend were together for over 5 years (started when we were 17). We have been through so much in this time, he moved to london for uni so we were long distance, I moved to london the following year for uni and he supported me so much because I really didn’t like it at the start (he moved me into his places for a month and cooked me dinner every night etc), we had a misscarriage which brought us insanely close together, we have been on many amazing holidays – he still says these places are so special to him. We are best best best friends, just have a good laugh constantly and have the same interests. Everyone, including every member of his family, said they have never seen two people more meant for each other, Im doing a bad job of painting a picture of our relationship but it really has been an amazing few years. (his mum still messages me everyday, she says he doesn’t talk to her much the last year and has become distant from others swell).

Anyway, we were long distance for a year, we both take our exams very seriously and normally we work together or have summer holidays afterwards to put more effort into our relationship. So around June we began to argue a bit (I do know it is less than other couples but still for us it was more than normal!). I have depression and it started to become worse. He had a dissertation to do and it was getting him so down, his friends were being idiots to him and it meant he started to have an eating disorder. He got beat up in a club for no reason and I think it has affected him more than he lets on. Obviously we were there for each other through this and I was the one who got him through his eating problems. However, us not being in a good mental state and being apart wasn’t a good mix. So he broke it off – i shamefully jumped on a train and he took me back. looking back, i would have taken some time apart then and sorted my head out. We still had some lovely times when we were lucky enough to see each other but never tackled the issues and didn’t see enough of each other. Everyone says, and we know, we are better when together and never argue and just have the best times.

So 2 months ago now we ended. We have talked most days, i just found it weird doing no contact rule since it was not communicating and being apart that broke us. He has a really high pressure job and he said he wanted to really focus on that and not have arguments on his mind if he is trying to work- i personally think he got VERY scared that he was growing up (commitment phobia classic example) he constantly said oh god is this what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life, he is living with people who he was friends with when he was 18 so think he is trying to feel young. whats the thing you can control – not being in a long term relationship.

We have met up a few times – he always compliments me, says i am so special to him and always will be, came to my birthday and all my friends said his face lit up when he saw me and was always asking where i was if i wasn’t around (also i was very very drunk so don’t remember but apparently i was talking to his friend about a kiss and he said to me don’t i get a kiss and i ran off dancing) they said he was trying to get me to talk to him all night but i was just having too much of a good time to sit talking. he was giving me lots of hugs when we met – afterwards i told him he couldn’t act like this if he wanted a friendship to work. the next time we met was awkward. But then we met on monday, it was AMAZING, my stomach hurt from laughing, we maintained eye contact (after i read one of your articles), he made me promise we would meet next week and gave me the tightest longest hug ever and said he always looks forward to our nights. he couldn’t look at me after and looked like he was going to cry. for the next few days he was messaging me constant – told me he has got me a xmas pressie, came to me about problems he was having, messaged me even when he was out with friends (had a few drinks), woke up in the night and messaged me about Trump. But then in the last few days has been distant – so i am leaving him too it. Oh and when we broke up he said he still wants us to go on holiday in summer.

I should mention that I have taken this time to drastically improve my mental and physical health – seriously I’ve lost 2 stone and my head is so clear and I’ve learnt so much. for instance, i don’t get angry or jealous because what does that achieve and only hurts yourself, i make a journal, i realise the importance of doing things by yourself and having your own goals. I need him to know things have changed so if we were to try again, i have now sorted the issues that cause the break up, but how do i let him know without ruining it?

I know he doesn’t want a relationship right now, and i know 10000000% there isn’t anyone else as he was shocked when he saw tinder pop up on my phone and said he was no way near ready to date (plus his job is so hectic he doesn’t have the time!) – as cringe as this is, he isn’t that sexual and wouldn’t have a one night stand. i don’t know if NC will work cause he is very much out of sight out of mind and has told me before that when we ant talking/seeing each other he doesn’t miss me but when he sees me he feels he wants me (this was after the 1st breakup).

so the question is, do you think that even though he isn’t ready now, do you think i still have a chance for future? how do i increase the chance?

PLEAAASE HELP
Esther

November 14, 2016 at 9:43 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt that he was becoming distant and not really interested in me. He didn’t pursue me and didn’t contact me for some time.
Several months ago we had drinks and he suggested that I go to his place but I didn’t. We seem to be in a friendzone now. We met later but he didn’t seem interested. He texts me pretty much every week with some friendly and borderline flirty stuff. He is not asking me out or anything even though he had opportunities.
I am a good looking woman, with friends and interests. I took up some new hobbies, etc.
What should I do? A no contact rule seems silly at this point. It’s been 5 months since we broke up.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 6:47 pm

Hi Esther,

Correct me if I’m wrong. You broke up 5 months, and you expected him to turn around and want you back, but instead you are friendzoned, and you still are now? So, you only have three choices right now. Stay friends, move on, or try the no contact rule. There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work, but at least you tried a different approach.

Losni

November 4, 2016 at 7:34 am

We love 7 years we just missunderstant ..actually i asked break up
Thn a month later i cool down and talk to him he start to show he,s ego …he loving a girl who was 3 years elder thn him ahe look like mother for 2 kids…we long distance relationship…

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2016 at 1:06 am

Hi Losni,

When did you broke up? Is the new girl long distance for him too? How often do you see each other when you were still together?

wilma

October 26, 2016 at 12:36 am

What is the best thing i should do. The reason for he breaking up with me was all my fault. He did absolutley nothing wrong. And when i begged him not to break up with me, he said that give him some time to forget about it…but then i could not wait so i kept on texting him. Thats when he told me that i am causing him to push himself away from me. He then told me to forget about him, that he hopes i find the love of my life and to move on. Do you think that i still have a chance. Do you think that he misses me a little bit.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 27, 2016 at 1:12 am

Hi Wilma,

to be honest, if it reached that point there’s a small chance only.. How many days are you in no contact now and how much have you changed?

wilma

October 26, 2016 at 12:20 am

hello it is going on 4 months now since my ex hasnt contacted me He however made it very clear that he wants absolutely nothing to do with him. I am anxious to text and call him but i am trying the no contact rule to see it this really works. Do i stand a chance?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 27, 2016 at 1:12 am

Hi Wilma,

to be honest, if it reached that point there’s a small chance only.. How many days are you in no contact now and how much have you changed?

Ayuda!

October 14, 2016 at 9:07 pm

Hello dear..
i need your help please.
I had a bf and we were together for almost 2 years.. we broke up once but both of us wew still loving each otherhowever i had to lie for a silly reason and that was a serious mistake for him so he wanted to end everything through the time and because he aint got a stable life yet he wants to study in another country … so later i did another mistake (childish acts..) he hated me for a while and after a month he texted me but hes so smart he uses that technic of leaving me wanting more.. that was on june we have been closed to each other through that summer but then i asked him if i ever go to the current country he lives in right now, would he want to see me
he was like; yea sure
and i did my best to go and meet him but the last day he told me that im doing this to realise the plan that i have done in my mind (he refers to my childish acts when i once said that i’ll meet him someday and i will date his friend in fron of him) i didnt mean it at all i was nervous when i said that bullshit and i thought that if he texted me it was because i could get his trust back, but apperently no he talked to me during all these 3 monthes of summer and still havent trusted me yet
so he blocked me again … i went there and came back , tried to text him and sworn to him that i didnt even think about that silly thing.. after a mont (end of september) he started texting me but only when He was Drunk! and then i could text him but he keeps leaving me wanting more and when i ask him to call him in normal days when he is not drunk , he just ignores me! I think nowadays he just doesnt want to waste his time calling girls because that was his habbit.
so i decided to stop texting him for a week and see if i get something from him
please advice me what should i do to impress him

Ayuda!

October 21, 2016 at 8:44 am

I tried to stop talking to him but on the 3rd day he texted me once he saw my story on snapchat so i started to be a little arrogant (late replies showing him that i dont really care and stuff) i felt that he was about to chase me he started to reply quickly… and even complementing me saying :”oh what a beauty!”.. the next day he sent me a msg at 2am and i know he’s been drunk. My problem is he only calls me when hes drunk and i think he stopped calling girls like he uused to do so i want to change his mind and make him want to call me and chase but i feel like this is not working
and im literally crazy about him itried to hate him because hes a real coldHearted.. but i couldnt..
so yesterday, since he was up all night and online on whatsapp i tried to text him and then called him and didnt reply he saw my messages and continued to ignore me
Please help me, if i start the nc rule and he breaks it and text me what should i do?
and how can i improve my self more than that
i dont even know from where to start :((
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 22, 2016 at 8:02 pm

if he texts you, dont reply.. don’t hate.. you should heal and improve.. You ahould improve the health, weatlh and relationships aspect of your life.. Work out, build up skills for your career, do new things like volunteering or entering short courses to make new friends, reconnect with ol frienda and family, have a makeover..

check this one too:
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 15, 2016 at 3:59 am

Hi Ayuda,

instead of stopping to text him for a week, do no contact for 30 days and do it for yourself.. do it to heal and improve yourself

Lavanyaa

October 4, 2016 at 9:30 am

Hey. So my boyfriend and I of two years broke up last month. It was a weird sort of break up. We took a break in August and then still fought but I was okay with the relationship and ready to make it work. However I kept feeling like he drifted apart and his friends were more important than me and then one day in a fit of rage I said I can’t do it anymore and I broke up. I told him.love isn’t enough and that he doesn’t get me at all. I regretted it immediately and then when I asked if he wants to get back he said he doesn’t want to because he can’t move forward after all that has happened between us .i told him ill change and I really really do want to be with him but he said he won’t be able to acknowledge my change and he cant trust himself to change. He asked me to forguve him for this and hoped we could be friends some day in the future. So after that I haven’t contacted him at all. I don’t think he is going to come back because he has never been so determined about anything in life. Also we are in the same college and have the same friend circle so we have to see each other every single day for the next one and a half years

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2016 at 1:51 pm

Hi Lavanyaa,
well, I think it’s time to try doing the no contact rule.. Approach it like what’s advised in the podcast that I will link:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Janette

September 27, 2016 at 7:53 pm

Hello! I’ve been reading all these articles and they are helping me stay on the right track now. I did the begging at first 🙁 but it’s been 8 days since I started no contact. It’s really hard! I am in school so that’s helping me keep busy…as well as work. But, I get reply sad sometimes. My ex and I used to live together. We moved in after a year of dating. Things were really hard for us. I would drink a lot in the beginning and it caused some really intense arguments. He decided it would be a good idea to move out on his own again… He thought it would be good for us. At first I was sad but then I realized it was a good idea. I helped him move and I kept our place. A week later he came over and said that it was best that we just “cut our losses”. That it didn’t make sense to be together anymore 🙁 so I cried and begged. Like I said now I’m on day 8 of no contact. I guess my biggest fear is every woman’s biggest fear on this site…. I feel like he’s going to forget about me 🙁 anyway I really appreciate your helpful articles!

Janette

October 3, 2016 at 12:49 am

No I haven’t been active in it since we broke up … I wasn’t sure if I should. He drove by my house the other night … He was on his motorcycle and he saw me. The street was empty since it was about midnight. 🙁 I wanted to call him afterwards but I didn’t. So I’ve been doing no contact for about 13 days now. You think I should restart it because of the venmo payment ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 5, 2016 at 7:31 pm

Well not because of the venmo payment, but because you were’nt active in social media. It’s your way of showing that you are moving on so it’s better if you would restart the count.
Janette

September 29, 2016 at 9:16 pm

Hi Amor,

It’s me again. He has no intention to contact me. Yesterday he requested a payment from me via venmo… So impersonal. I didn’t say anything just sent the payment right away since the internet bill is still under his name. I don’t understand how he could treat me like a complete stranger. I’m feeling like he doesn’t love or respect me and that I should move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 1, 2016 at 1:02 pm

Maybe he’s doing that so you won’t expect more.. Because he knows you still have feelings for him.. If it’s like that then take it as a restart. Let him think you’re moving on too. It won’t take just two weeks in no contact.. Are you active in social media?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 6:55 pm

Hi Janette,

Commonly, it takes approximately 66 days to make or break a habit. So, that means the habit of thinking about you. And besides, make him regret leaving you, by being best yourself. That’s your best move.

D

September 26, 2016 at 2:47 am

I have broke up with my boyfriend last week and I haven’t contacted him since then. We were together for almost 5 years.. In the beginning of the relationship, he was really committed.. and we used to hang out everyday. however, after starting \ long distance for almost a year. He started to pull away, but we still text to each other and webcam sometimes… he just started to talk less about our future like he used to do (probably because I started to be needy during LDR) We are both 23 this year and the reason why we broke up is because he doesn’t know what he wants at this point .. So when I started the conversation about marriage , he felt stressed so I just told him that I dont want to be in a long distance relationship without a mutual goal together. He was crying hard and was wondering about if breaking up with me was a good choice… I told him he can contact me only when he changes his mind… I can’t just be friends with him. Anyways, I’m just wondering is there a high chance that he will contact me again in our scenario ? It’s been a week of NC and he hasn’t contacted me.. I’m worrying that he will forget me soon

D

September 27, 2016 at 3:44 pm

No, I meant only when he regrets .. and wants to be with me again. ( i dont want to be his friend.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 5:36 pm

Ah ok..but I think that’s what he feels.. He feels pressured because, let’s say you just want him back as a boyfriend, at the back of his mind, he knows you’ll probably ask him again if he plans to marry you which is not what he thinks about for now because he’s just 23..

I do think there’s still a chance because you just broke up..He will miss you and check your posts so use this time to improve yourself, do a lot of things and be active in social media about it and you should do at least 30 days
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 11:57 am

Hi D,

wait, I just want to make it clear. You told him he can only contact you if he’s sure that he wants to marry you?

Seff

September 20, 2016 at 7:00 am

Hi,
I am currently sadly still struggling on moving on. Since its almost 2 mos. Of No Contact rule with Him, it was really tough having no communication with him after the break up, since he’s my bestfriend too–he was very special to me,he was topdog,there was no time we had no communicated and most of He was my First in everything,he was the first to ask my hand(courted legally) to my Mom(my Mom’s Single Mom thats why) so He was the one who showed genuinely and i will never forget for every single he has done for me,he was the sweetest and greatest Man i have ever met. All his imperfections were perfect and i love all his flaws. Moreover, he is an introvert so its hard for me to reach for him after the break up, i tried so many times to plead to change his mind to let me go but still he said “Nothing will change my Mind now” . It was really shuttering during the time,weeks pass after the break up. So lets make it clear, he broke up with me out of a sudden when we were actually madly inlove with each other–which is actually sucking painful for the both of us. The reasons are: How can he love me if he cant love himself–which is maybe he realized everything that time and he always overthinks. Second is he was thinking about the future, he told me he could feel that he will all out love and therefore he wont take the risks of hurting me more and worsen the pain in the future–which is really idk if he really cares about me or not at all since if that decisions hurts the other-theres no love at it, idk if he is selfish or he cares that much so he end up concluding things in the future. What i am explaining to him that i wont let go, that i am willing to risk everything for him but he wouldn’t do the same that he wouldn’t risk to worsen the pain in the future. Kinda complicated :'( but idk and im not sure if he already falling out of love the time he said all of this cause if you really someone you wont let yourself leave her no matter what,that time was its really hard for me to let go.You suppose to let go if you’re not inlove but our is different. This is too painful. But i forgot we had the first closure which was i was able to change his mind that time that i cant let go of him but two days after he decided that he cant risks it that his decision is final to break up with me to let him go, and sadly the second closure is the final one that nothing will change his mind now, he just chatted me that time and change the topic and thats it! Which is he said it will be more painful if it was personal and he dont want to see me crying again in front of him so he chose to say it in chat instead and that time was really heartbreaking. Honestly i had my ups and downs on letting him go cause i can’t stand us being like this and this was 2 mos. Ago to be clear, there was a day/s i didn’t contact him but suddenly i find myself messaging again so it was a way back when i wasn’t fully obey the no contact rule and then one day i found out that since im a friend of his bestfriend he told me that he’s inlove again and yea this is sucking heartbreaking of a sudden after 3wks. After break up,this is too painful to bear. He said he wouldn’t fall inlove that easily but he just eaten what he said. How about me? What was all of it for? I thought he was finding his way to be a better person instead or to know himself more but yea we can’t choose whom to fall inlove with but its just painful in my part that he already moved on that easily. So thats it, i finally yes, finally decide to not contact him –so its been 2mos. No contact now but last wk. I found myself coming back but not for “us” but i want the friendship back since he promised me that we will still gonna be bestfriends but we need to move on first way back 2 mos. Ago, since its been a long time for me i got the gutts ti message him and told this: “Don’t ever think i’ve vanished along the way. I’m still here. I’m still here as your bestfriend no matter what. Don’t hesitate to pm me if ever. Ya remember?we’re still gonna be bestfriend. I don’t want to end the friendship at least, i’d treasure it rather.” Since he was special and i really treasure friendship, just the friendship atleast. And then the day after he finally replied “thank you” and it was a relief and i was very happy he replied and i realize how much i miss him but time has passed and it changed the person so it makes me desperate to make a conversation with him and trying to message him how was he,then how was his mom and said i haven’t seen him i church but still it is being seen but unreplid and this break my heart again. You know? I was just trying to make things work out again and wasn’t back to a relationship of “us” but for our friendship,i want it to be restored and yea, i wont let myself to finally lose him in the process of no contact rule of moving on,that maybe 2 months is too much–because honestly as everyday passes it makes it worse. Just the friendship, atleast. So yea, can you give me lots of advices in my situation right now? Since why is it how many time he hurt me and made me go ,i find myself coming back to him-just for being there as his bestfriend,and whatever made him happy i’ll happy for him even if it doesn’t includes me anymore. Honestly it still hurt, but i’ve got to endure since i can sadly feel he moved on. But i’m just back to let him im not angry with him for hurting,that what he did was right and to not hate himself for being vulnerable and lessen the regrets of letting me go. I just want him to feel that i don’t hate him that i don’t vanished that i’m not like the others that suddenly vanished after you hurt them. And desperately i want our friendship back-just the friendship. Is this possible or is it hopeless for the both of us? :'((( i’m looking forward for your response and thank you in advance.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 6:40 pm

Hi Seff,

I dont think he thinks you hate him.. I think he thinks you havent moved on from him, so he doesnt want to lead you on by being friendly with you.. If he sees your posts would he think you’ve moved on? If common friends would talk to him about you, would they say you’re just trying to make it look like you’ve moved on or would they say to him that you have really moved on? If he sees your profile, would he see a new you? Would he see you doing new things and being with new people?

Ma

September 17, 2016 at 12:31 pm

Hello….

I was very cruel and harsh with my ex and said things where I questioned his abilities as a man due to the stress going on around me which isn’t an excuse…. through all of that he ended up withdrawing and not being there for me when I ended up broke and almost homeless and losing my family as well… I begged him many times to get him back since he used to be there for me and after being cruel he wasn’t there at all… He said the pain in him was too much… He loves me but he doesn’t look at me the same…. He still wants to check on me everyday but I said I can’t be friends or ill end up resenting him since it hurts waiting for him…that’s when I decided we should never speak again. ..

I want him back… I feel lonely since I lost almost everything I have…. I was cruel and he is hurt…. stubborn…. I dunno what to do? I’m in a point of a nervous breakdown. .. Instead of getting my engagement ring on November when his mom flies in… All I’m getting is heart ache

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 19, 2016 at 1:23 pm

Hi Ma,

when did you break up and do you want to do the no contact rule?

LJ

September 14, 2016 at 8:07 pm

I just broke up with my boyfriend last night. We were in a long distance relationship and we talked for a year.. But never seen eachother. Even so we had an unrivaled love everyone could see! However, he became discouraged and started to act diffrently… Before i proceed i have to say i was his UG initially; but i let go of the reigns and he became the UG guy which is crazy because he didnt even think he could get a girl like me. I was soooo into him and he knew it.. But he loved me so much he started to get discouraged. I felt and became desperate doing everything i could do to salvage the relationship. He pulled back more and more until i could no longer take it.. So i talked about ending it. Last night he finially agreed. I relaized it was a mistake but he is not budging. Our break up wasnt about anything anyone did but merely the distance! I want my man back and its been less than 24 hours. I called him the next morning.. And hes stickikg to his guns.. Says he doesnt know about getting back together.. I thought i was incontrol.. The man who thought me to be the UG girl could let me go so easily? I cant stop balling my eyes out! What do i do?!

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 17, 2016 at 7:06 pm

Hi LJ,

you haven’t met for a year now or you never really met? Let him cool off for now. Give him a week and then initiate. If he still hasn’t cooled off after that, proceed to 30 day nc.

LJ

July 22, 2016 at 2:40 am

So question: what if all parties have done some pretty crazy out there behavior towards each other?

Bare bones facts here:

I broke up with him.
He begged for me to take him back, but at the same time had “replaced me” constructively at least, with one of my friends who’s not very stable and was/is going through a divorce. She’s a mess. He’s a mess. I was better, but now I’m a mess too.
So I broke up with him because I wanted him to get his life together. I still have feelings though and I feel also that I should have tried to work it out instead of breakup.
Flash forward 9-11 months, I accidentally followed your strategies in a pretty broad way. NC for a while, the texting, the phone calls, and then the meeting.
Well the meeting turned into a disaster. We had a lot of sexual tension.
Almost immediately after I arrived though, crazy ex friend/his now ex gf, calls and texts incessantly saying she’s going to kill herself.
I explained she was amusing and manipulating him in a really scary way and he told her that and that I was visiting. I ended up staying over (fail). And the next morning she broke my car window.
Well everything went downhill from there. She lashed out at me, I lashed out at her. He lashed out at both of us probably. However it was verbal/phone/text.
She’s a trainwreck. But now he’s not speaking to me. I built up all that good and undid it by stooping to her level.
Am I beyond help at this point? Should I just cut my losses and bow out?
He and I dated for 3+ years and he had bought an engagement ring. We shared a dog, and a very definite plan for our future. When we broke up I told him I had changed my mind on some parts of that and I think he does hold that against me.
He has said recently that I “threw him aside and didn’t care anymore” when I broke up with him. So I thought demonstrating that I cared would be helpful, but he’s still letting this other psycho into his world.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 22, 2016 at 6:19 pm

hi Lj

I think you still have a chance.. if, you start to get your life back together..because chances are she will stay the way she is..

do the opposite and gain back your life

Anon Phil

May 21, 2016 at 11:42 pm

Hi my ex is a Commitment Phobe. He broke up saying he can’t put time in a relationship as he has strong pride to be the best. I did not mind that because I found that an opportunity to have space and grow for myself but he did not treat me as well as he use to. He use to want to see me every single second and I’d often skip lectures so that I can see him but eventually he didn’t want to meet up. He liked me for my eccentric personality as in I was weird and crazy but overtime got use to it and I understood because I was heavily invested into him and I lost my sense of self from that. I am implementing the no contact rule and decided to work on myself to regain back my identity. I use to go pole dancing lessons but often skipped lessons to compromise for his busy schedule. Now I am getting back into taking care of myself, prioritising for my studies and started getting back to pole lessons. I learnt what I did wrong and I want to have another shot with him but he already knows me and I want to be able to make conversations great as it use to be. You mention about physical attractiveness but I don’t think I can do much on outer appearance all I did was cut my hair shorter and everyone said he was punching me as in I was more attractive than him but I want to find a way other than the outer appearance to attract him so how am I to go about this? Thank you for your response.

Anon Phil

June 16, 2016 at 8:03 am

Again thanks for the response on the other page. Right now I think I need a bit more time in no contact because right now I still feel a bit emotional dealing with him. As well we see each other from time to time in the distance and one time my friend called me out who was with him and he immediately walked the other way so I know he’s ignoring me… don’t know how to interpret the way he feels from that but I decided to let him be and carry on my own thing.
YNA

June 11, 2016 at 3:58 am

almost same situation! but i found out that my ex is still bitter about me and the breakup, and he’s always with a person who hates me. she bashes me to him. what should I do then? i’m already on the 23rd day.
Anon Phil

June 1, 2016 at 1:20 pm

Hi thank you Amor for your advice, as stupid as I feel I broke the no contact rule which I now learnt from my mistake… I started no contact rule from scratch now at the 4th day but I understand this is a time for myself and for me to gain back my independence. I have a feeling there will be hopefully not a situation when I bump into him since we go to the same University together… we see each other from the distance but never make eye contact and we have quite a number of mutual friends… so if there was a chance that I bumped into him what would be the best way to handle should I just smile and say hi?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 26, 2016 at 5:17 am

Hi Anon Phil,

you’re right on track in no contact.. You should only do 21 days.. be active in posting n social media.. if it’s really of your schedules then you have to be observant on when he replies the most when you start texting again

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