Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back- The Complete Guide

508 thoughts on “Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

SML

April 27, 2014 at 10:15 pm

Hi Chris,

Well, I feel like my ex and I were getting more communicative, a little more “light-hearted” texting eachother (he is now living overseas – reason that helped breakup) and I felt like things were positive, or at least getting clearer as to what our feelings are. Suddenly, he has disappeared for over a week, I even sent him a funny email and he hasn’t replied. What happened? I’m really confused as to why this happened all of a sudden. My texting began to be in a happier, more “free” tone, as I believe that it is important to remind him of who i REALLY am – not the person who was left to suffer. What’s going on for this to happen?

admin

April 28, 2014 at 4:23 pm

If you two get back together you might need a plan to get closer to one another.
SML

April 29, 2014 at 1:40 pm

Hey Chris…Thanks for your feedback. Yes, this will only work if eventually, one day, we are in the same geographic location 🙂 It’s impossible to get back without that…My question though is why did he suddenly disappear? What does it mean when a guy does this?! At this stage we were talking O.K., “fun” topics, a memory here and there, putting on my best “face” (no depressing, showing him i’m sad or waiting here for him attitude)…Why hasn’t he replied? I can’t believe I would scare him off with this approach…does it mean he has someone else? Even if he does, all this just doesn’t seem right…I don’t think this approach matches his character, this disappearing thing..it’s really weird. Not worried, just curious. What will be will be. However, wondering how a guy interprets this… Oh, and never did I get a “back off” signal or vibe from him.

Sara

April 26, 2014 at 2:43 pm

Hey Chris,

I was with my ex for nearly 5 years when he broke up with me. We’d been through falling in love abroad, LDR, me moving to his city, and then him moving to my city to be with me. We went through a pretty big rough patch about 6 months prior to break-up as a result of some external circumstances, and his ” grass is greener syndrome” had just started (or so I believe). He had been disatisfied with a few areas of his life not just the relationship, but I kind of feel like I was the scapegoat for it all.

Anyways last week I ran into him at a live show and he came by specifically to say hi as he said he saw me. I sensed that he wanted to see my reaction to him, which was upbeat and happy. But I found out he’s with a new chick, one that lives in another city many hours away.

I’m continuing on with my life making school, travel, and work plans. Trying to regain that ungettable girl I once was, and to really get over him but there’s that part of me that loved him for all his imperfections that still hopes….

Any insight into this other than NC (which I am adhering to) would be appreciated.

Thanks,
Sara

admin

April 28, 2014 at 4:14 pm

Well tell me what you are doing to achieve this UG persona?

Anonymous

April 25, 2014 at 3:36 am

I was wondering if I could have a little help on my specific situation. I think my ex might fall into the egomaniac category, but not that extreme manner, because he doesn’t as much care about looks and having a lot of girls chasing him as he does about having a lot of friends and being successful in school. Also, I am pretty sure the main reason (and maybe the only reason) he broke up with me is because he was having a lot of family stress and changes at the time (and still is) and he couldn’t handle a relationship. He is kind of immature, but I love him so much and I think we could be very good for each other if he would realize that. And btw, I never really did NC right at the beginning, and we were in a club together for a little while after that, but then I quit because it was too hard to be around him when he wasn’t taking up my offers to get together and talk in person (it had been about 3 months after the breakup) He also sent me rude messages after I suggested if we could be friends. I have heard from people that he has been really rude to women in general lately. So now, I have not contacted him in almost a month, and it is still feeling like the right thing to do. Also, I will be moving next year to an out of state college, and he does know this. So I guess, I really would like him back and I know it could take some time but I was just wondering if I was doing everything right and what I should do in the future??
Thank you for everything you do, you help so many people, and that is something to be happy about 🙂

admin

April 28, 2014 at 3:55 pm

School ego eh… hahaha

Right now I think you are doing really well!
Anonymous

May 10, 2014 at 9:01 pm

Hey Chris could I ask your opinion on one more thing?
If he starts up his book club again this summer, and includes me on the email list, do you think I should go? Or should I try to see him on his own again, even though he has ignored me in the past.
admin

May 12, 2014 at 6:27 pm

I think you should. Why not if he invites you?
Anonymous

April 25, 2014 at 4:22 am

Oh, and I should also mention that he is the president of the club. I was a part of it before we were dating, while we were dating, and for a month about a month after we broke up. I think that is the main thing his ego stems from- he likes to be a leader and have lots of “followers”

Tay

April 24, 2014 at 8:46 am

Does it mean anything when your ex asks you if you have met any new guys lately? Or does it just mean he’s just trying to be friendly? Also would RP kind of work on an ex if you became close with his good friend even when he told his friend not to talk to you? Just curious Haja I think this is such a great way to sneakily attempt to get your ex back such a great guide Chris keep up with the amazing work! Thank you so much honestly..

admin

April 24, 2014 at 4:12 pm

It means something… it means he is a little worried.
Tay

April 24, 2014 at 9:59 pm

well he broke up with me almost 5 months ago.. so why would he be worried i dont get it, all he has done is act like hes completely over me and like im some weird person he doesnt want to talk to.. He never bothered to contact me till the other week when he asked if i had met anyone new.. So weird lol
Tay

April 25, 2014 at 1:13 am

what do i do, do i just leave it and wait for him to talk to me again and then reply cause i didnt reply the last time 🙂
admin

April 27, 2014 at 1:23 am

Lets weigh the positives and negatives.

What are the negatives of reaching out do you think?
Tay

April 30, 2014 at 2:18 am

i feel like the negatives of reaching out are he’s just gonna have a huge ego and automatically assume oh she wants me back.. cant think of many positives so probably best to wait till i see him in person at a party..
admin

April 30, 2014 at 1:46 pm

Then don’t reach out until enough time has passed for you to feel he wont think that.

Anonymous

April 24, 2014 at 4:11 am

And figuratively speaking, lets say my ex and his possible rebound were to break up and he were to start talking to me again, should i even let him back into my life or give him a second chance? He has done and said some really terrible things post break up. It is like he is a completely different person almost. If I did give him a second chance, does that make me look dumb and would i lose my dignity?

admin

April 24, 2014 at 4:10 pm

Up to you completely.

My only thing is that only take him back if you think he improves your life. If not… then move on.

Anonymous

April 24, 2014 at 2:52 am

My ex and i broke up in the middle of February. At first, I was very emotional and did exactly the opposite of what you said, called and texted constantly, begged for him back, etc. As soon as I stopped doing that, he began to text me and call me more. Then my family unintentionally got involved and caused a fight with him. Both him and my family said horrible things during this fight. He was so upset he said hurtful things to me (I never loved you..) and then we both cut off contact with each other. A couple of days after we stopped talking, he got a new girlfriend. I still did not contact him even though it killed me. A few days later he texted me asking me if we could talk and I agreed. We talked on the phone for two hours and he basically said he still loved me, still missed me, thought about me all the time etc. but he was still with this new girl. I sort of begged for him back again but he refused to break up with this new girl. So i finally broke off all contact with him (this included blocking him) A few days later, he liked an old picture of us on instagram. About two weeks after that, he texted me. I did not reply because I was still implementing the no-contact rule. It has been over a month and I have still not contacted him and he is still blocked. I am sort of waiting for him to contact me first. What does it mean when he texts me and says all of this stuff while he was in a relationship (which he still is in) Is it a rebound relationship? What should I do if he contacts me?

admin

April 24, 2014 at 4:09 pm

It means he is thinking about you a lot.

Rachel

April 23, 2014 at 10:28 pm

Hello! I hace been in a LDR for almost four years now. I am from New Jersey and my boyfriend, from Portugal. It was love at first sight for both of us, and i am his first real true love and girlfriend. We are 25/24 years old. When I met him I was still in school in Hawaii and he who Is a former professional surfer, was sent out to hawaii for his sponsor that year as well. There we got to spend almost 2 months living together and then when I graduated I went to live and work in Portugal for 6 months. After that, my loans started kicking in and I went home to work and be able to pay them. Each year out cycle has been, separating for 5-6 months while I work in a restaraunt in the summer to save money and then during the winter we have traveled to many different countries to see if we can live permantely and work together. In evitabley we always end up having to separate again because of money and visa issues. Also, he is a twin and they are very close as well as his whole family who seems to be very “fond” of my american cultural, as well as they feel I have no direction. So this last year we both tried to work in NY, which didn’t work out, he ended up leaving and breaking up wih me bc we were fighting so much about money, anxiety on my part that we would have to separate again. It seems I have been insecure because since I met him I was putting my whole life to be with him and never did anything yet wih my education. So this last time I was trying to get a teaching english job, living at his mothers house for 2 months and eventually ran out of money again. So of course we were stressed and arguing about that, Iwould marry him in a heartbeat but he always seemed to be unsure of that commitment with me, due to issues of what his family feels , money, and maybe he is not as sure about me as I am about him. At the end of my last say in Portugal he told me he was “losing his love for me” because of all the struggle problems with money, and he still loves me but doesnt feel the same way he did the first two years. I was crying and devasted but the last two days before i left i held it together, we had an amazing day, he was holding me and asking if i wanted to change my ticket and stay, but we both agreed it was better i go. So now, when I came back home to work, he first was texting me how much he misses me and now “we both no what I have to do” in order to get a work visa and be able to come back . Then he also heard him and his brother lost their surfer sponsorship, and will not be getting paid to surf anymore. He briefly told me he’s relocation to Norway where he has family and his twin brothers gf lives to work because of te better wage. He also started ignoring me, which he never did, and finally after two weeks emailed that he doesn’t think it’s healthy for us to talk anymore. He said he alway felt it and could see the signs that in order for us to move forward in life we’d have to cut it off. He simply wished me the best and told me the world is mine. I did answer and I asked if he was also not in love with me, I told him I believe anything is possible if two people love eachother, and he said love is to let go. I sent a poem of what letting go means to me, and that i am not ready to just completely give up on us but i respect him and will leave him alone and in the end I said if u change ur mind, no matter where u or I are in the world to come find me. So he broke up with me, and when he makes a decision, I promise he goes with it. So now I know deep in my heart, I must find a path/career for myself my confidence and any relationship next. I also know he may have to grow up a bit, experience what it’s like to work for the first time. But I love him so much. We did once have something so special. I am so scare bc I was his first, he may want to experience other people, or he’s just over me. I need to know if there’s a chance at winning him back, at least his heart back, even though we both have a lot o growing up to do.

admin

April 24, 2014 at 4:07 pm

Take a look at my LDR page.

Su

April 21, 2014 at 7:49 pm

My ex and I recently started talking again after a second period of NC, but the thing is that the First time he did contact me and show interest,we met once but then he started again being relactant and saying we can’t be together..I tried for a second time to follow the plan,he didn’t contact me this time,he didn’t reply at my First text, he closed his fb PROFILE..I tried again, he anwered once then stopped repling.I tried again,the same.The third time he askem me things by himself.Now he kind of talks to me again,he teases me but sometimes he just stops answering.Today it happened to see him in his bike while I was with my cousin(boy).My cousin said he looked at our direction,but he didn’t stop or send me a text like he had done before,because he once again saw me with him and send me a message then..Does that mean he doesn’t care anymore? and should I say that I saw him? please answer..!

admin

April 22, 2014 at 4:40 pm

Hahaha no it just means he looked your direction and was too stubborn to do anything about it.
Su

April 23, 2014 at 8:30 am

I think he is yes..Ever since we started talking he never send me a message first and he sometimes just stops answering.Yesterday I decided to say that i saw him,I kind of asked if it was him and he said yes and asked me if I was with a guy,we talked a bit,then he stoped answering and I noticed he opened his fb profile again,maybe because today it’s his name day(?)Can I ask what can I do if he’s so stubborn?I try to win his interest but it doesn’t work..Can u help please?

Helin

April 21, 2014 at 3:51 pm

I’ll try keeping it short.

Hi by the way. When i came across this site I thought it was just som fool trying to get money. When I bought the “book” I thought I was about to loose 47dollars without getting anything. But I’m surprisingly surprised. So thank you for being you and wanting to help other.

Been together with my boyfriend since jan 2013, whom I’m taking a break from since two days ago up until Thursday(24/4). What I’ve read on this site it’s against the nc rule. Big time. Before January 2013 we were in and of for about 1,5 years.
Our relationship:
We had to move in with his parents first 3-4 months were great. Best days of my life. Then came his sister creating problems cuz of her jealousy. At first I didn’t say anything but it became to much for me. I started arguing with her. It led to multiple discussion with everyone in the family. The frustration led to me nagging hurting and calling my boyfriend names. I knew this behavior would lead to a ticking bomb. We’ll that bomb was dropped 2 days ago amongst 30 of his friends. Since November we have been arguing back and forth 3-4 times a week, at one point it was 3 weeks a row, everyday fighting and shouting. Now he said to me it’s over because he is done with the fights with his sister family friends. That I have a big ego and he is very tired of the relationship due to nothing working like it should.
My plan is that Wednesday night go to his place at his parents sleepover and I have to work next day to 3 pm. The problem is how to make him say that he’ll give me a last chance to prove to him. And if I’ll somehow manage do convince him I’ll take him to the amusement park. Just to have fun together and concentrate on us rather than his family and all the negative thoughts and feelings.

My question Chris is, what are you thoughts? Is there some other way I can escape the Nc rule? Any thoughts, please share.

Love from Sweden

Sincerely, Helim

admin

April 21, 2014 at 4:25 pm

No escape from NC sorry hahaha.

regular reader

April 21, 2014 at 2:04 pm

Hey chris
I want to knw dat if my bf is selfish (cares only abt himself, likes dislikes, moods), careless (doesn’t care a bit abt my feelings, doesn’t even value me), disrespectful (cancels every single plan on me even whn he invites me. Like 2 days bck he invited me and whn i reached, he said “now m not in a mood to meet u, go bck”. I was standing infront of gis house and he refused to meet me and swtchd off his phn immediately. I was damn pissed), lies to me, talks rudely, stops talking all of a sudden for days( happens already 3-4 times).

But still he says dat he loves me (although dis is very rare). But if he loves me, what is all dat i mentioned above.

I want to knw dat if applied NC, will he realise his mistake and start missing me? I m on my 3rd day of NC and hr hasnt contacted me till now.
I dont knw u personally but dont knw y m so comfortable sharing my issue wid u. I read everything u write here.
Plz advice.
regular reader

April 21, 2014 at 12:42 pm

Hey chris,
I want to know dat if a person is selfish (thinks abt Himself only, his moods, his likes dislikes, his feelings), careless (doesnt care a bit abt my feelings, doesnt value me), disrespectful (cancels every single time on me like 2 days b4 he invited me and whn i reachd dere, he said m not in mood to meet u now, go to ur house and swtchd off and doesnt care if it hurts me or not. I was hurt and extremely pissed off), lies to me, stops talking all of a sudden for days (already happened 3-4 times), talks rude, insults me every other day.

But still he says time to time dat he loves me a lot. If hr loves me den what is all dat i mentioned above?

I hv started NC whn he invited me and again refused to meet me. Its my 3rd day and he hasnt contacted me.

Do these type of men also start missing if NC is applied on dem.
Although i dont knw u personally. But i read everything u write. And now m confortable in sharing my issue with u. Plz advice. Thanks chris…

admin

April 21, 2014 at 4:24 pm

You are so early into NC. I say see it through.
regular reader

April 21, 2014 at 4:42 pm

Means what o_o
regular reader

April 21, 2014 at 4:58 pm

Oh ok… I m sorry.. I was so disturbed dat i took a while in understanding wht u r saying. Actually yeah… Its very early. I m in my 3rd day only and i hv to complete a full 30 day period. I hv stopped every contact wid him, no text, no calls, no fb, not keeping an eye on him. But as u said… Its not an easy thing. I can feel it just now as we were in contact 90% of d time and all of a sudden i hv to stop everything.

We r in our 3rd yr of dis relationship and frm very long time, he is behaving like this. But i m trusting what u hv written. I hope he will realize what he is doing to me constantly from such a long time.
Love ur efforts chris..

Miha

April 21, 2014 at 4:01 am

I follow my last post about my LD relationship since march 2013 ( him in California ,me in NC)
I did the NC- now I miss him still but I feel upset and am not in the mood of those nice get back messages; he was too decisive last time ,not responding at any of my nice ,romantic e-mails, texts or calls that was not the way he was before, so I felt he made a decision of not responding in order to end it, even he had feelings for me; plus I am crazy about the thought he might have had someone meanwhile…)
Now I’m not sure if I want his relationship anymore- I suffered a lot these past months, not having him on those days that he knew are important for me
Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve , my birthday( due to his work,son,etc)-he got distant and distant from me, saying I‘m not positive and I’m complaining too much…. that I need to be patient and to understand him more; even in bed he got distant –I know I was aggravating him by asking if he got someone and this was an ongoing vicious circle…( now I know I should have controlled my stress about it…)
So because NC ended I contacted him ( error I know by phone first, at work, not knowing he can see my nb) and then by e-mail to ask him for 2 things – 1 some money from 2 tickets that I purchased for him and 2 about a pair of jeans that I haven’t found since we went on a trip together. I also changed the photo on my e-mail with one taken on our last trip ;
He didn’t respond ….but sent me a part of the money after 6 hrs ;
How should I continue ? he could have answered saying he was sorry for not returning the money or that he doesn’t find my jeans but even in the past he started not answering e-mails
Should I continue in the same way next month to remind him again about the money (700$ left/100 /month paid) so at least I can get a positive response? and maybe one day we will become friends?
I’m not sure if I will be ok with him as a friend…maybe you can give me some idea on how to maximize this situation but do know that when he doesn’t respond it affects me … Thank you very much, you are great by doing this -it is like a support group here for women in a situation like mine…

admin

April 21, 2014 at 4:21 pm

You are entitled to that money…

I say work that out first.

Em

April 21, 2014 at 12:12 am

What should I do if there may be someone else? I say this because he likes all her pictures. I’m panicking! It’s been 6 months so far and ok so here is a short story because I know he tends to do this when he likes someone. So do you know what snapchat is? Well it’s just an app you can take a share pictures with ppl now he recently unblocked me from that and I put a picture on saying ” Happy Easter everyone! ” now on this app you can see who sees it and I noticed he saw it and 30secs later he took a picture of him self saying ” Happy Easter! ” with the same filter and everything I notice this stuff because he did this when he liked me I know this sounds like I’m crazy but this is how I know whether he likes me or not , so anyway I was on Instagram and his username is the same form as mine and this other girl and in this girls description it has her name with an emoji and in his description has his name and an emoji I know I sound crazy but this is common stuff he tends to do you know? He tends to copy the persons actions. Am I just being paranoid? You probably haven’t heard this and I’m sorry all this but this is how I know if there is a connection. Before we broke up I had my username the same as I do now.

admin

April 21, 2014 at 4:16 pm

I honestly think you are too focused on the small details and is driving you nuts.

Do you think an ungettable girl worries about that?
Em

April 21, 2014 at 8:35 pm

That’s true! Ok I will try an ride above it thank you much!

phoebe L

April 20, 2014 at 8:36 am

Okay so funny thing is i have reaised i have pretty much come to this point where i have realised what an ass my ex was and realised im way better off without him (it has been 4 months since we breoke up-he broke up with me). Anyways i havent spoken to my ex in 3 months.. And about 2 weeks ago i went away for the weekend with a group of friends (these friends go to his school) and one of these friends that came along was one of his good friends lets call him John. Well john and i hadnt spoken really before we briefly met once but never talked to each other. Anyways when we got to the place where we were spending the weekend John approached me and said ‘you’re ___ ‘s ex’ and i said ha.. yeah and strangely enough we started having a conversation about my ex… John even told me ”he said dont talk to her over the weekend when your there, dont talk to her she’s weird” and obviously i was quite offended by this remark from my ex and thought what an asshole! Anyways John even told me about how he would sometimes talk about me to my ex and he just wouldnt want to talk about me (i was his first gf and all). Anyways over the weekend John and i started to become fairly good friends, and we had some really good conversations together. He would usually be the one to initiate conversation with me and sometiems even asked me if i was gonna come for a swim when he was going to. Anyways on the last day of our weekend escape i was tanning on a deck chair and john came over and told me to move over and he jsut lay down in the same chair next to me and i was thinking um theres other chairs why dont you just sit somewhere else.. Well before we all said our goodbyes and were off home john even asked me for my number because he said he needed it as we were obviously now friends. I didnt think John would talk to me after this weekend but surely enough a few days later he just randomly messaged me on fb telling me about his assignment he had to hand in (didnt even say hey how are you jsut immediately launched into conversation haha). I just went with the flow as i find it pretty easy to talk to him. Anyways as i dont go to the same school as my ex and john and all the other friends that went on the trip i found out that the day after our weekend away my ex even went to john and said ”what did you think of her?” john went and told my friend this and she told him about what my ex had texted me that day.. (so my ex texted me asking if i could tell my friend to not say stuff about him cause it makes him ‘look bad’ and its ‘not nice for him’) and john apparently was ‘siding’ with my friend and i on how weird this was. Anyways i didnt reply to this rext from my ex cause i was jsut furious and so a few hours later i get this emssage on fb saying the exact same thing.. and then he adds on p.s any nice new guys in your life lately? -hmmm i dont get what any of this means Chris haha like why is John acting this way to me and why did my ex have to be such a control freak about him talking to me when we broke up 4 months ago… (he is the controlling type of ex btw) please help! thanks 🙂 🙂

admin

April 20, 2014 at 9:05 pm

What specifically do you want me to answer?
phoebe L

April 20, 2014 at 8:40 am

Also i didnt actually reply to my ex’s fb message either haha i just didnt want to talk to him cause i just dont feel comfortable talking to him.. Also John and i have had some obvious interactions over fb like he has commented and liked some photos of mine from that weekend -which my ex would have seen…

Erica

April 19, 2014 at 6:06 pm

I am recently followed your no contact rule but it is kind of hard because we work together so we do come in contact with each other. But my issue is he is confusing me. He is being really nice like touching my hair and and my face. When the breakup occured I was very mean to him not talking to him ignoring and saying mean things.But I toned it down and noticed he is a little more comfortable around me. I don’t bring up the relationship I just keep our conversations as friendly as possibleIdk what to make of his behavior. He is what you call a stubborn man.

admin

April 20, 2014 at 3:48 am

Stubborn men (did you read my male mind to NC guide I talk all about them there.)
Erica

April 19, 2014 at 6:30 pm

Sorry lol………………….no contact has been a month and contiuing.

nj

April 19, 2014 at 5:32 pm

hello chris:
Nice to see you have come up with the new chapter,very insightful and useful ,thank you!I used to leave comments at your long distance chapter ,but I think things happens till now ,its more needed to know about male psychology .
long story short,my ex left for Vietnam last July,we get back to contact at September ,first he was quite distant,till now,by using the combination of your skills to text him back ,he is getting better and better ,we almost text each other everyday ,when I suggested we can travel together to somewhere else if we both have time ,He said unfortunately he has planned all his holidays till summer 2015.what does that mean ?does he really mean that or just a polite way to reject me ?I mean he could have rejected me directly like the first time when I brought up to visit him ,he said no.I really don’t know how to reply him after saying that .plus in next fews day ,my uncle suddenly passed away ,when I told him this ,he showed me emotional support again ,so sometimes I really confused about his signal ,what do you think,Chris ?do I still have a chance ?any comments from you will be appreciated ,please ,you are the only one I can talk to about this @_@,thanks a lot !
bsrgs
Nj

admin

April 20, 2014 at 3:47 am

Loving your comments!

I think he really did mean it. Has he ever been dishonest about that stuff before to your knowledge?
nj

April 20, 2014 at 11:23 am

Thanks chris !no ,he never been dishonest about that stuff before ,so can I think its a good sign, his attitude is getting soft now compare before ? really grateful of your male prospection !

Dina

April 19, 2014 at 11:52 am

Hi Chris. I am in a new situation. please help
last week I contacted him after full 2 month, he told me that he missed me but I should not contact him because he feels pain. and he is going to date someone new. and never going back to me again. but he still have feeling for me. so I went into another nc since last week. and I am updating my fb with new pics but he is not in my friends list.
what should I do now? I want him very much. I can’t leave without him. but he told me he feels pain when he hear my voice. should I contact him again? does it bother him? what should I say when I contact him? please please please give me an answer Chris. thank you

admin

April 20, 2014 at 3:38 am

You can contact him… just wait a while before you do it and when you do do it make sure its something that will be interesting to him.
Dina

April 20, 2014 at 1:22 pm

Thank you Chris. You are the only one I can trust. ok I will do that
after sending too many pics of myself on fb and receive very good comments from our mutual friends he deactivated himself on fb. I don’t know what to do. maybe he needs more than 2 months, I don’t know
admin

April 20, 2014 at 9:16 pm

I think its actually a good sign. It means seeing you obviously bothered him and he still has feelings and those feelings won’t just go away.

So confused

April 18, 2014 at 3:04 pm

Hey Chris,

A couple days my ex unfollowed me from Instagram which hurt my feelings.
But then, last night he was listening to a playlist on spotify he made specifically for me. It was a bunch a love songs and such…

I’m confused, why would he do that?
Is this a good sign?
I dont want to get my hopes up but….

So confused

April 18, 2014 at 3:06 pm

Also i’ve been on NC for over a week
So confused

April 18, 2014 at 6:10 pm

Sorry i didnt realize my original post went through.

So its not bad sign…. But why all of a suddent the change? I havent done anything (because of NC) so why would he listen to love songs?

It makes me suspicious stilll

joline

April 18, 2014 at 2:49 pm

Hi chris, my boyfriend kind of fits the description of a bad boy. Kind of because he’s not as selfish because he SOMETIMES put MY needs before his, he’s uncaring but NOT to the point that you explained and he also doesnt say inappropriate words (hurtful jokes) out of the blue except sometimes when we joke with each other.

Im writing because he completely confuses me. I know his facebook account so I stalk him (though I know its bad) so I know that im still on his notifications and he still checks what I do on facebook because I’m the only one on his Close Friends list. He searches me on facebook and listen to songs like “You to me” by Donna Lewis and “You are everything to me” by The Real Thing. For both of us, music expresses our feelings so much that we sometimes send each other link to songs that reminded us of each other.

I’ve tried the NC for about 2 weeks but stopped when a situation occurs that I am forced to text him, though I made it short and sweet like the ones you’ve mentioned in your articles. I havent begged him to come back to me, I also made sure I followed your advice on the Facebook thing and the fact that I have to look good in ALL pictures and after a few days, I saw him comment ‘I agree with this so much right now’ on a photo that said, “After a break up, GIRLS: becomes more beautiful; BOYS: has more money.” He liked 2 of my photos already but last weekend I found out he went out with a girl he used to date but the girl has a bf already and they’ve been friends for a long time now but its only this time that they went out alone together.

IM COMPLETELY AT A LOST ON WHAT TO DO PLEASE HELP ME 🙁

joline

April 18, 2014 at 3:21 pm

I also forgot, when i texted him because I had to I made it short and sweet right? it was morning then and at night he missed call and I waited if he would call again or not, i didnt do anything and he asked if I was mad and i just say “i’m not :)”

J

April 18, 2014 at 8:28 am

Chris!

It’s been a long time since I was on this site, and how so much has changed. Firstly, congratulations for all your efforts since then… You do an amazing thing for so many women!

The 20th of this month, marks 3 months since my ex and I stopped talking. This has been the hardest 3 months of my lives. In this time, I’ve knuckled down with studying for my second degree, started applying for some graduate jobs (wish me luck), started looking at new cars and also planning my birthday that is coming up soon. Haven’t been able to get in shape, but there will be a time for that. Regardless, I’m making moves in the right direction. I feel a whole lot better than I did 5,4 even 3 months ago.

I can’t lie, I thought about my ex every single day, and I have taken to writing a journal on the days that are abit sad for me. I’ve deleted my twitter so there are no emotional outbursts, and I’m genuinely moving forward the best way that I can.

I would definitely say that I found out at the END of my relationship that my ex was a commitment phob (slight egomaniac) and that was something that devastated me because he said that our relationship was what he wanted. Looking back on it, he wasn’t ready to be with me; but what upset me was the fact that I felt he lied about it. Allowed me to get so involved when he wasn’t.

I always wonder whether he misses me, but if he does; he has a funny way of showing it. It seems perfect in his world from what I have seen recently. I think that I’ll always want to reconcile with him, but I have so many demons myself to challenge first – that I wouldn’t even be able to give my best at this time.

Do you know why the No Contact rule is important for women? Because it gives them the opportunity to take the spotlight off their ex/partner and do some self assessment. This is one the best things that I have done, because for a long time.. I painted my ex out to be an extremely difficult person, and although he was at times, I had my part to play.

No woman can be the best girlfriend, they can be, if they fail to acknowledge their role in a “perfect” relationship gone wrong.

I don’t know if my ex and I will get back together, or speak again. I really don’t. I hope we do, when we’re both ready, but I realise that joy can derived from so many other sources.

You’ve definitely been part of this process Chris. Thank you x

admin

April 18, 2014 at 3:53 pm

It’s like you actually read what I was writing. 😉

Color me impressed.

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