Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back- The Complete Guide

508 thoughts on “Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Alice

April 13, 2014 at 9:34 pm

Hey Chris. I wanted to let you know your site has helped me soooo much so thank you! I have a question about my ex’s actions. Him and I have a long and specific history and I decided I need to take more than 30 days of NC. I haven’t heard from him at all but on day 40 I ran into his friend. The next day my ex texted me saying he heard his friend ran into me and hoped he didn’t say anything dumb. Then he asked how I was and said he was really happy to hear I was doing so well. Then that was it. Is he over me and just wanted to see how I am doing or is there more behind this?

admin

April 14, 2014 at 5:27 pm

I doubt hes over you completely yet.

Lily

April 13, 2014 at 7:37 pm

Hi, I have a question. My ex (we were together for 4 months, broke up a couple of days ago) broke up with me, the only contact we had is a message I sent him how he can give me back my stuff I left at his place without actually meeting up. I believe this was necessary but I’m planning on NC from now on.

Anyway, here’s what I’ve been wondering: can this work if he’s slightly depressed/has bipolar or some kind of undiagnosed problem? I’m pretty sure something is up with him ’cause he’s been really blue lately and the break-up came along with this mood swing and other symptoms I don’t want to go into detail about, and I had noticed things even before when I’m telling you things were brilliant between us.

Thanks, Chris.

Cheers from Newcastle

admin

April 14, 2014 at 5:19 pm

Cheers!

I think this stuff can absolutely work. Do you think he has mood swings?
Lily

April 15, 2014 at 4:50 pm

Thanks. Yes, he has had moodswings, and I think this is also why we started to loose that connection. I’ve been doing no contact since the break-up.
admin

April 16, 2014 at 4:08 pm

Good, what are you doing for YOU during NC though?
Lily

April 21, 2014 at 5:37 pm

I’m becoming the ungettable girl!
admin

April 22, 2014 at 4:36 pm

🙂

Pauline L

April 13, 2014 at 3:17 pm

Yes, i want to further move away from him. Infact, d desire to contact hm died as a result of so many factors even bfor i came across ur piece of work. i just need God to help me, cos i though i find it difficult to pray for hm, i still manage to ask God to pls help hm be a better man to whomsover he ends up with, even if is d present girl he is dating or anoda
Sofi

April 13, 2014 at 9:02 am

Hey Chris, was wondering if you could decode this male behavior:

Recently I noticed that my ex is kind of mirroring my posts on facebook.
examples:
-I post a selfie (i liked my outfit), next day he posts one (no even a good one)
-I write about how I had a good day exploring and learning about myself, the next day he talks about a “dream” he had about life
-I post about watching a show, literally hours later he posts about watching a movie….

I already know he pays attention to what I post.
But what does this mirroring mean?
Is it a good sign?
And yes, I am doing NC.

Thank you! You’re amazing.

admin

April 13, 2014 at 5:03 pm

Interesting that he mirroring you.

Maybe he is trying to send YOU a message without actually sending you one.
Sofi

April 13, 2014 at 7:50 pm

But is it a good sign?
admin

April 14, 2014 at 5:19 pm

Is what a good sign? Sorry I can’t see your last message from behind the site.
Sofi

April 14, 2014 at 6:15 pm

Oh sorry, Is it a good sign that he is mirroring my posts and such of facebook?

It comes off very passive agressive..
admin

April 15, 2014 at 4:08 pm

I think its good… I mean, you are on his mind technically.

Malus

April 13, 2014 at 8:23 am

Hey Chris,
This is malus from Iran

thanks for your articles.

We broke up with my ex 7-8 months ago. After break up he came close and disappeared again.
I did NC and didn’t get any result. He was texting me frequently and was asking am I with a new guy or am I still interested in him . And when he got positive answers from my side he disappeared again.
and finally he removed me from his facebook and instagram when I checked in a place on my holiday trip.
I cant understand him and really depressed. Unfortunately still love him and want him back.
I already wrote you before but didn’t get any answer.
please guide me Chris
Thank you

admin

April 13, 2014 at 5:01 pm

Sorry I didn’t answer.

7-8 months ago huh.

When was the last time you talked to him?
Malus

April 15, 2014 at 4:50 am

a month ago we had a text conversation. He told that he still love me too much an its hard for him to live without me and can not imagine me with another guy. when I said that Im not with anybody, he disappeared and 10 days later he removed me from facebook and IG when I checked in a trip 🙁

Nata

April 13, 2014 at 3:56 am

Adele – Don’t you remember !!! Great song, I advise all of you to listen 🙂
Juvenile Profundity

April 12, 2014 at 7:53 am

What to do if your ex tells you he doesn’t want you around so much and he wants to hide from you?

Please help. Is NC a good solution to this? How many days of NC should I do?
Julia

April 12, 2014 at 4:44 am

My ex of 1.5 years broke up with me five weeks ago (March 8) because he said that he loved me and I treated him better than any other gf ever had, but he wasn’t sure his romantic feelings for me were strong enough to sustain a LTR. I was shocked in some ways but had also felt some distance between us since November (when he found out he failed the bar exam). However, he had been upfront about his doubts and feelings about our relationship around that time and we had agreed to work on things. I chalked it up to stress due to us both being unemployed, him failing the bar, etc. I wanted us to work on deepening our connection more because I knew that I loved him, despite the stress going on.

We didn’t fight a lot (we were famous among our friends for not fighting), but it wasn’t perfect either. I yelled at him a few times that I wish I could take back and I could be very negative since I was job-searching and stressed about money, etc., while he was able to take his unemployment in better stride. My biggest sin was probably nagging him about retaking the bar exam after he graduated law school because I was feeling insecure about my own situation and projected that on him. But overall, I felt like we had a good relationship, but it needed work to reach its real potential.

I feel like I definitely contributed to the downfall of our relationship, the loss of romance, and that I took him being in my life for granted. I started really living my life to become a better and happier person recently: happy hour with friends, going to dance class, walking my dogs, meditating, reading more, journaling my feelings about the breakup, and just learning to appreciate all of the things that I used to take for granted (not just my ex).

Part of me wonders if I’m just addicted to my ex still or if the connection we had is still salvageable. We didn’t have an ugly breakup, no cheating, name calling, etc. It took about five minutes (mostly because I was too much in shock to know what to say and had to be alone for a bit). His sister got my number from him and texted me to see that I was OK a few days later, of all things! Everyone’s reaction has been that she either really liked me (she did), or that she’s upset with him (not sure though).

My ex and I met up two weeks (March 22) later to talk and exchange belongings. We talked for about an hour and he told me that he still loved me but just felt that we were too different and wouldn’t work out. We even made out a bit (but no sex – I made sure that didn’t happen!) before parting ways, but I was also left with some new questions as well. I texted him a bit the next day thanking him for answering my questions. I got a little emotional during the text convo but it didn’t last very long (maybe about 8-10 messages or so total between us). I just told him that I couldn’t be friends with him until I was with someone else that made me happy because I’d probably hate any woman that he was with no matter what. He said that he understood.

There’s been no contact since then, but I started talking to other guys just to put myself out there and get back in the practice of meeting men. But my heart isn’t into it. I did message his sister three days ago to thank her for her concern and support when we broke up, and to apologize if I seemed distant. I mentioned that I was talking to someone new (partly to let her know that I’m doing OK, but another part of me hopes that she told him and it made him just a teensy bit jealous or miss me a little), but didn’t mention my ex or ask about him at all.

I don’t know what to do beyond this point. I could come up with stupid excuses to contact him in a few weeks once the No Contact period is done, but I feel that they would be too obvious. I want to see him but not to talk about the breakup or anything emotional.

What do you think about calling or texting just to say a friendly hello and let him know that I’ve been doing really well since the break up and ask how he’s doing? Or is that getting into too-emotional territory? I came across a piece of rather trivial but fun sports memorabilia that I meant to give him shortly before we broke up but forgot about. I didn’t buy it for him, but actually found it at my work in an old desk. I think he would still like it. If mentioned it casually, in a sort of “Oh, this old thing that I just found” kind of way, would that be a better and more genuine approach for initiating contact? Or should I just wait and see if he ever contacts me? I miss my ex and not because my life is empty and miserable without him, but because I miss HIM. He was so good to me, we had so much in common and such a loving connection for a long time. I genuinely feel that with some work we could be better together than ever and have something truly amazing. I won’t beg, plead or cry to get him back though!

admin

April 12, 2014 at 4:27 pm

When he failed the BAR. Did you act really supportive?
Julia

April 12, 2014 at 5:24 pm

I don’t think that I did the weekend that he got his results, honestly. I think that’s when the love and romance began to wither. I was resentful too because about six weeks earlier I very unexpectedly lost a job that I had for only two weeks. Looking back, I definitely dodged a bullet with that job because that boss was crazy anyway, but my ex still didn’t seem supportive of me. He would say things like how I shouldn’t be so upset when things don’t turn out how I expect, to not worry so much about the future – he didn’t seem to understand that a lot of plans and dreams that I made during that short-lived job were crushed (plus I had been searching for a FT job over a year, so that unexpected layoff was an extra-rude shock). I just felt he was being a hypocrite because he didn’t expect to pass and said that he wouldn’t be too disappointed or stress about it, etc., but he still expected me to be supportive of him all the same(asking me to “go easy on him”). It’s not unreasonable, but I felt like MY problems were always treated as me having unreasonable (or any) expectations that I needed to “accept” and move on from while HIS needed my unconditional support. So in this way we were both selfish because I didn’t feel like being supportive when a month earlier he just blew off my job loss as something that I basically needed to just get over and move on from. I hope this helps. But you’re right about 60 days – I think I will just wait until this NC period is done and see how I feel about contacting him. I even have a good text planned out that is guaranteed to make him laugh first and foremost, and most likely respond since I haven’t been texting him and he’s the type of guy that is on good terms with a few exes so I’m not afraid that he’ll respond negatively to what I have planned.
Julia

April 12, 2014 at 4:48 am

I should also mention that I consider my NC period to have started from the last time we texted, so I’m actually only about 12 days from reaching the end of NC and want to figure out what to do when I reach that point because I’m sure that I won’t be 100% (or even 50%) over my ex by then. I’ve heard that sometimes 60 days with NC is best – should I shoot for 60 days after this NC period is up, or maybe just another 30 days?
admin

April 12, 2014 at 4:27 pm

60 days seems way too long to me but every situation is different.

Soph

April 12, 2014 at 1:28 am

Awesome article.
Just a couple questions.

I’m trying NC, i broke it after 8 days, have to start over so now it has been four days.

My ex is EXTREMELY stubborn, and he’s an attention seeker.
Last time I talked to him he told me he was trying to get over me and trying to live for himself. After the first week, he wrote poems about it being over, him being done, etc etc….
Do you think so long as I keep up with NC and play off as the ungettable girl, I still have a chance?

I’ve been posting pictures and statuses on facebook about how I am happy (genuinely) (and from what he’s told me, he keeps up with it). Should I continue to do this?

admin

April 12, 2014 at 4:22 pm

I think you do yes.
Soph

April 12, 2014 at 2:21 am

Also, we have been broken up for 2 and a half weeks.

Kyrsten

April 11, 2014 at 11:23 pm

The no contact rule has probably been the best idea that i have ever heard about a break up. I have never thought about handling a break up with the no contact rule. My question is though how do you do the no contact rule when you go to school with your ex? Do you just ignore them and not talk to them? Also, what if you have a class with them?

Thanks your website helps more than you know.

admin

April 12, 2014 at 4:21 pm

You can’t do it completely perfectly but you can try a limited contact rule out.

Xtina

April 11, 2014 at 7:48 pm

My exbf and I have broke up 8 months ago but we communicate sporadically thru emails. He has been wanting to see me again but I always refused because I felt that I was not ready to see him yet. I played it cool actually, went on with my own life and actually had fun being single again. I thought I have moved on because I wasn’t missing him as much. I may have hinted it too in one of our convos. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, I decided to see him. We met, we were friendly but he didn’t seem interested anymore. I texted him a day later asking how he was and it was nice seeing him again but no reply from him. Texted him again 2 days later after that but still with no response. I haven’t communicated in 4 days now. Should i wait for him to initiate contact? Or should i contact him again? Did i ruin my chance of getting him back?

admin

April 12, 2014 at 4:14 pm

What are your texts like? Are they interesting or kind of generic?
Xtina

April 12, 2014 at 10:06 pm

Hello Cris! Before i met up with him, most of our exchanged msgs seemed funny and interesting in my opinion. When I saw him, we talked a little about ‘our failed relationship’ and he said he wishes that I don’t end up with bad guys and that i shouldnt be looking for somebody because he will come when the time is right. I dont know what he meant with those statements. I guess a part of me wanted to hear that he wants me back but that didnt happen. But i thanked him nevetheless for wishing me well. That was the last talk we had. The next day when i texted him asking how he was and it was nice seeing him but there was no reply. I dont know what to do now.

Eva

April 11, 2014 at 7:18 pm

Really appreciate this article and the time/effort you put into everything on this site!
I completed NC after my ex broke up with me (he genuinely didn’t know why he wanted to break up, we never fought or anything, our relationship felt too good to be true) and my ex reached out to me very obviously exactly a month after we broke up.. I get a strong feeling he may be at the same game I am?
I know I have to reach out to him now but I told him I didn’t want to be friends (too hard). Is there something light I can say to start a conversation? Would it also be a good idea to suggest a friendship now so I can get back on track to talking then flirting etc?
Thanks! 🙂

admin

April 12, 2014 at 4:12 pm

Really appreciate you having the courage to comment 🙂 .

Of course, you should read this: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back-version-2-0/

Lola

April 11, 2014 at 5:23 pm

my ex blocked me on whatsapp, etc. I went no contact and spent a few months working on myself. when I was ready, I reached out and told him I hoped he was doing well and that we could put the past behind us and start fresh. He texted me back and we talked a few times over about a month and it went well, he didn’t try to see me but I figured he wasn’t ready yet because I wasn’t sure if I was ready. In that time I only called him once and the rest of the time he always he called me.

Our last conversation was good but a little more distant on both sides, he called me once after that but I couldn’t talk then and told him when I’d be free later that day. He said okay, we would talk then but never called back and didn’t answer when I called him. that was 6 weeks ago. I’ve called him 3 or 4 times, sent a couple of emails and texted twice but I haven’t heard a word from him. then today I get a text from him telling me he’s having an amazing time partying on vacation and he hoped things were good with me.

I figured he wasn’t answering me because he was figuring out how he felt about talking to me again? but I don’t get why he’d text me like that especially completely out of the blue? why tell me where he is and what he’s doing? that part seems really weird to me. is he checking in with me? trying to impress me with how well he’s doing? what gives? is it something I should respond to? every good turn in our relationship has come from what I’ve learned from your guides. can you give me a little advice on what he’s thinking/what I should do here?

admin

April 12, 2014 at 4:06 pm

By any chance did you read my article on exes blocking you?

Sofia

April 11, 2014 at 5:00 pm

great article once again!

however I’ve lost all hope to get him back, I’ve been blocked for two months and haven’t heard from him in month and a half. It seems like he truly hates me, even though my only mistake after the breakup (a big one) was to bombarding him messages.
I’m so much pain, he has disappeared completely and forever.

admin

April 12, 2014 at 4:05 pm

If you have no hope maybe it is time to move on to someone else. Your decision completely but there is no use torturing yourself.
Sofia

April 13, 2014 at 2:10 am

You’re right, it seems like the healthier option, but I think I’ll torture myself a a little longer… I love that bastard :/
Also the advice you gave me once ‘moving on without moving on’ was working at some point, maybe you should develop that concept a bit more in the future
Anyway your site is amazing… you deserve to become rich as a king and to date Laura Vandervoort for helping so many sad people everyday
admin

April 13, 2014 at 4:53 pm

Hahaha torture yourself.

Well, torture away.

And I will be happy to be rich as a king 🙂 .

Naina

April 11, 2014 at 4:56 pm

Hello!

I just had a quick question. My ex and I are friends now, or at least trying to be, since we have a lot of mutual friends. He ended things with me and told me how he never really got to the point for having strong feelings for me. I brought another male friend of mine over to his place (my friend is engaged to be married, and I even stated that clearly to everyone at his house so that I don’t look shady for trying to flaunt a new guy in his face- I don’t believe in games, and I am always 100% honest with myself and with my ex.) My friend mentioned how my ex kept looking at me pissed off, and when I tried to address my ex about it, he denied it and said that he would never be mad about me bringing a new guy into the picture. Did my friend misread his signals? Or is my ex in denial? I want to take my ex’s word for it and not kid myself, but my friend didn’t even know he was my ex, he just asked me why “That guy in the green” was giving him weird looks and asked me if that is an ex of mine.

What would you guess?

admin

April 12, 2014 at 4:05 pm

Hahah the ex got all jealous of someone else. Interesting.

The ex is going to tell you what he thinks you want to hear so he doesn’t completely screw up the friendship. Thats my opinion.
Naina

April 12, 2014 at 7:48 pm

I should probably tell you the full story. Long story short, we met last year, we ended up moving too fast too quickly, and then we started having a lot of fights and whatnot, due to our environment and having a lot on both of our plates. It got pretty ugly and we brought out the worst in each other. This was over the course of about 6 months. He ended things with me, but still wanted to maintain a friendship, I wanted some space. And now we’re about six month later trying at a friendship since the whole not being friends thing made it really awkward for our mutual friends and for us as well. I am a bit more emotionally distant from the entire thing, so when he says something hurtful, it doesn’t sting too much, and I am making good things happen for myself regardless of this situation hurting me. But lately he makes it a point to tell me that he never really got to the point of having feelings for me, that I should move on and be single and that he can do whatever he wants because he’s single. I was hurt by it, but I am taking his word for it because I have no other choice now. That’s why this situation confused me quite a bit.
Naina

April 12, 2014 at 5:24 pm

Is that considered a good sign or a bad sign? I don’t know if him wanting to stay just friends is a good thing or not.
admin

April 13, 2014 at 4:29 pm

I don’t think its bad.
Naina

April 11, 2014 at 5:22 pm

By the way, when he told me that he never had feelings for me, I was very hurt and angry at him at first, but I am finally reached a place where I accepted that he and I are not meant to be. And now I am confused haha.

delyth james

April 11, 2014 at 4:17 pm

Me again . Ive tried everything . Gone no contact . He text me Xmas day and once since . But he doesnt want a gf for few years he said . Hes never ended it face to face. I cant seem to move on . Ive tried. Been on dates . I saw him tday in his car he didbt c me . First time sibce breakup . I still felt sick . I don’t kno wat to do

admin

April 12, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Delyth James…

My goodness you got it bad don’t you?

k94

April 11, 2014 at 3:10 pm

Love a bit of psychology 🙂 good call on this guide.

I’m currently inclined to think that men are a bit Cray Cray.
Like, my friend has been speaking to a guy for two months..he was telling her he was falling for her etc etc. He now realised he’s moving countries but instead of talking to her about his feelings he stopped talking to her all together. Even Ignores her when they’re out. This shift happened in like a day. How men can do a 360 degree shift on how they seem to feel/behave is amazing..and not in a good way.

I had a funny situation personally the other day,
my ex posted a status saying he lost all numbers and contacts on his phone and asked for people to inbox him their numbers…
I made a decision to not participate.

I suppose it hit me as a transitional moment of us losing touch further…. Dun dun duuuuun. It’ll all be just a distant memory soon! Haha

admin

April 12, 2014 at 3:57 pm

Hahahah cray cray.

I think in general relationships can be scary for everyone because as humans we have control over almost everything we do but when we are in a relationship we can’t control what goes on because it is an equal partnership.

Personally, I think if you try your best in a relationship good things will happen. Seriously, if you are the best you can be in a relationship then things will fall your way.

It’s an old fashioned notion and I could be completely off but in my world that is what I choose to believe.
k94

April 13, 2014 at 9:37 am

I tend to agree.
However, being on top of my game in the previous relationship was slightly wasted I’d say.
At least there is a satisfaction of knowing you did everything you could and that you’ll be a hard act to follow…if anyone even can follow it. 😉
admin

April 13, 2014 at 5:03 pm

Thats literally what everyone should strive for in a relationship.

Pauline L

April 11, 2014 at 12:27 pm

Chris am grateful for following this few days, i learnt alot. I ve been in a bad relationship for six years! i ve tried all i cld to mk it work, but cldnt, just wen i tot he is bad to his senses, he started postin himself ad ladys pics on a social network,pointing reasons y he hav been humuliating me. After seein abt a dozen of such pics onher fbk walls, i felt terrible for over a week, then i downloaded all those pics on to my phone, cos each tym i go tru dem, i give myself atleast 2 reasons y i shldnt contact him. Although i ve started d no contact rule over a month ago, though i ve broken d rule twice which i often regret badly, he called me last weekend ad threatened if i dnt tell hm hw i got some of pics, he regrets ever meeting me, that really upset Me . I was surprised wen dis morning, he posted d same pics of himslf ad d girl, i jt laughed ad ve been excited since morning,cos now i know am totally healed frm d truma ad ve moved on finally, dnt tink i need him anylonger, cos there is noting to remember him for while d relationship lasted except pain ad humilation.

admin

April 12, 2014 at 3:52 pm

Are you just wanting to further move on from him?

Emma

April 11, 2014 at 11:20 am

He is living with her..they moved in together soon after we broke up..he said they are not (I don’t believe him). A month ago he was missing me…and he still contacts me to “check in”..she is a complete opposite of me..not sure what his intentions are?

admin

April 12, 2014 at 3:50 pm

How are you opposites?

[email protected]

April 11, 2014 at 9:14 am

Hi Chris! It’s me again… Do you still remember our story.. Ours is about the 3 years waiting time.

Please help me. My ex told me today that he doesn’t want me to not get involved with him anymore… He said that he wants to hide from me. But he also said that he loves me.

I replied, “I will stay away from you for a while, I love you.”

What should I do now?
Please help.

admin

April 12, 2014 at 3:48 pm

Stay away from him for a while.
Juvenile Profundity

April 14, 2014 at 6:56 am

Okay I will. But how long should I stay away from him?? Is 5 days enough?

It’s very funny cuz yesterday he chatted me and said “Do you know how to format a laptop?”

…now he shows to me that he needs me. And I really want to talk to him, but not so soon. How long should I make him wait for my reply? I do know how to format a laptop though.
admin

April 14, 2014 at 5:37 pm

I think it should be.
Juvenile Profundity

April 24, 2014 at 10:44 am

It’s been almost 2 weeks since his last message… The “do you know how to format a laptop”.. I replied 5 days after he sent that message… I said “Yes I do baby.”
But until now I don’t still get any response… What does this mean? Did he became uninterested in me already?? What can I do to make him talk to me again…??

Last night I really felt that I miss him that’s why I sent him a text message saying “I miss my baby.” And still, no response. 🙁 I don’t know what to do anymore. Please help me.

I wanna know what’s goin on in his mind right now… Do you have any idea?

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508 thoughts on “Using Male Psychology To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”