Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2,742 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

sameera

May 31, 2016 at 8:27 am

I have got past the first stage and I cannot believe he actually replied! I dont know what to do next please help. I DO NOT want to screw this up, I feel like a jealousy text may scare him off, im so confused and happy please help I do not want this to go wrong

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 8:10 pm

Hi Sameera,

Don’t do a jealousy text yet. Continue on the topic you started with.. and then end it prematurely and then next day, pick another topic and then text a little longer and then end it prematurely again.

Mara

May 27, 2016 at 5:39 pm

Hey so I dated my ex for about a year. We broke up about 2 1/2moths ago. He texted me first after no contact yesterday. He asked me how I’m doing, about my new job, and what I’ve been up to. I kept my replies short and was in no hurry to reply. Then toward the end of the conversation he mentioned that if I’m ever at school i should text him so he could come and say hi. (We go to the same college) he also added a smiley after that and “lol”. I didn’t really want to come off like I was dying to see him so I just told him that I’m really busy but I’m at school mon/wed and he cold text text me on those days at the times I’m available. He said ok then I’ll see you next Wednesday u want. I didn’t reply after that. But I feel bad cuz I felt like I was a little to cold toward him during our conversation. I felt it was the best thing to do at the time because I really wanted to send send him texts full of emojis like when we were together. But u didn’t want him to think that I was still torn up over him. I also wanted him to work for my attention. But the thing is I’m not entirely sure what his intentions are in contacting me. I remember telling him when we were dating that if we ever broke up I cant be friends with him and wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore but he would always say in response that he would still want to be friends. So I just don’t get what he wants. Is he trying to be friends like he wanted, or does he want me back? Also should i text him before I see him again on wednesday or should I just wait for him to text me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2016 at 6:46 am

Hi Mara,

it’s ok to text him but not about your meet.. try to build rapport now and contnue on with your social media posts so that it can help you be more interesting in his eyes

kimia

May 27, 2016 at 7:23 am

hi again and again :))
dear chris these articles are really useful and i’m so thanksful,i uandrestand the complete coverage about texting is in the texting bible book,i really need this book and i love to buy it so badly,but there is a big problem and that is the fact that i’m contacting from iran and i’m afraid there is no way i can buy this(pay online) because of bank limits that we are facing right now,is there any other way that i can buy/get this book?thanks a lot

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 29, 2016 at 12:46 pm

Hi Kimia,

sorry for the late reply. I have to make some things clear because I’m not sure I understand. He broke up with you but you suggested to go to therapy? Have you started going to therapy but you started no contact?
And I”m sorry, for now, credit card is the only option for payment.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2016 at 5:09 am

Hi Car,

did you aim to be the ungettable girl during no contact and are you maintaining it? You can initiate texting.. time it right. Pick a current topic that he loves to talk about or would be willing to reply to and then start from there.
M

May 26, 2016 at 8:19 pm

Hi,
I texted my ex after meeting up with him and he said he was going to move on and already had (we dated for 4 years and broke up last year) I texted him later to get all of my thoughts out entirely and basically told him why we should get back together and how I miss him and how we had a great relationship.. he never responded. What should I do? It has been a couple months since I sent that lengthy text

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2016 at 1:41 am

Hi M,

so the meet up was two months ago too? ok, even if it was two monyhs since you last talked, you still need to do another month to start the process of healing and improving yourself and to establish that you have moved on in his perspective through social media before trying to rebuid rapport and attraction

Emily

May 26, 2016 at 7:59 pm

Hi Team!

So my ex and I dated for 3 years and 5 months and I broke up with him because I knew he didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. He confirmed this when we broke up and told me he’d been thinking about breaking up with me for about a month but didn’t know how to tell me that he didn’t love me anymore. I got upset and begged for him back, which obviously didn’t work. I started NC and then broke it on day 11, then I restarted it and made it all the way through the 30 days without contacting him. Aside from accidentally running into him twice, we haven’t talked. I had dinner with a mutual friend of ours and she told me that he still keeps an eye on me to make sure I’m okay and that he still cares about me. It’s now been 7 weeks since the break up and I reached out to him after the NC was over. I’ve sent a first contact message twice and have received what I think are positive responses initially, however my problem is that he won’t hold a conversation for me. I read the “Texting Bible” and I’m trying to follow Chris’ advice on making sure every text I send is interesting. When I sent my first contact message after NC I asked him if he’d heard one of his favorite artist’s new song and how it reminded me of him and made me want to reach out. He instantly responded with “Ha yea it’s pretty good” I waited about 15 minutes and replied that I thought he’d like the song and he did’n’t respond. I thought that seemed like a positive response though, so I waited a couple days before reaching out again. I first sent him a text telling him he’d never believe what I had seen and within seconds he responded with “what?” and then I told him about this crazy thing that happened on a reality tv show we used to watch. Again, within seconds he responded “Holy crap that’s unheard of lol” I waited a couple minutes and then responded again with another detail about what I’d seen and he never responded to that. So while I feel like I’m getting positive responses from him and when he does respond it’s almost immediate, however the conversations keep ending with him not responding. I think he may be a little uncomfortable with talking to me again, so I’m trying to be understanding of his apprehension and be patient. Do you all have any advice on how I should continue? Since he stopped responding I was going to wait a few days before texting again, but I really want the conversation to progress further and put myself in a position where I end the conversation, not him.

Thanks!

Emily

June 3, 2016 at 2:01 am

Thanks for all the help Amor! I texted him tonight asking how his summer was going and he responded about 45 minutes later telling me he was at work so he couldn’t respond very quickly, but that he was good. He was very positive in all his responses (he used exclamation points in all of the texts he sent which is pretty unusual for him) and even though he said he wasn’t able to respond quickly he still texted me back within 5 minutes every time I replied to him. We had a quick conversation and I asked about his new job and if he had the same position as his last job to which he responded, “Yea!” When I didn’t respond to that he sent me another text a couple minutes later asking about my job and I ended the conversation by not responding. I thought that seemed like a good time to end the conversation because he would wonder where I went and I can use that question to start another conversation with him tomorrow!
Emily

May 31, 2016 at 8:06 pm

I sent him that message today and about two hours later he replied “hey I’m doin good, you?” I replied that I was great but it wasn’t a good time for me to talk. I ended the conversation by saying “let’s catch up another time ok?” and he responded with, “sure”. Since he gave me a neutral response, do you think I should wait a couple days and try to have a longer conversation with him? I feel like it’s good that he responds every time I reach out.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 1, 2016 at 1:32 am

Actually, it’s leading to a positive response because it won’t be awkward for you to send another text. Yeah, wait two days and then after that try to text daily.
Emily

May 30, 2016 at 2:14 pm

Hi Amor,

Thank you for the response. So, if I’m going to be more natural, should I just ask him how he’s doing? Or should I send him another first contact message? The first contact messages don’t really feel very natural to me. Would it be okay to just say, “hey I saw some pictures your mom posted of you over the weekend and I thought I’d see how you were doing”?

Thanks for the help!
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 4:26 pm

Yeah, that’s more natural!
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2016 at 1:38 am

Hi Emily,

I think you have to keep in mind, that you would really have to run the conversation at first.. If I’m gling to base it on your first set of texts, the last text isn’t really something I would reply too.. It’s like you just told me you knew I would like it, so you texted me..

Trt not to make the next connect to the reason that you remembered him, so you texted him.. coz you already used that in the 2nd set.. be more natural.. if he was a friend, and you wanted something to talk about, how would you appriach it?

Car

May 24, 2016 at 5:24 am

So my ex broke up with me 2.5 months ago. I initially failed the no contact on a number of occasions. Then stuck too it. He finally contacted me about a job I had helped him get an interview for. Then contacted me again to say he got the job. But I was very angry with him at the time so didn’t respond. I didn’t think it was a healthy time for me to respond as I felt I may just go “off the deep end” because a friend had told me he had asked her out. But he messaged me after that. The whole thing pissed me off. Honestly, I have just wanted to ask him what the deal with that was. Maybe he was just trying to be friendly with her. although I don’t put anything past him. I thought I wanted him back at first but that really bothered me. I’ve been spending a lot of time with someone else, but I still can’t get the ex out of my head. I asked a couple ppl if I should contact him and they said just wait to see if you run into him (we are in similar social circles). I don’t know what to do. He said he wanted to remain friends. But let’s me honest. Friendship takes time and is a cop out. I also feel this stupid need to want to speak with him and yet after ignoring his past text and phone call feel I may have lost my window of opportunity. Help!

Car

May 24, 2016 at 5:28 am

I also don’t want to look weak or needy. Been there done that already

Jules

May 19, 2016 at 1:28 am

I’m 32 and my ex is 35. We met online and hit it off immediately. He had only dated one woman before me, they met in high school and got married. He had been single for 3 years before we met. We dated for only 4.5 months and then he broke it off saying he felt like we weren’t in sync and that you can’t force feelings that aren’t there. He has asked more than once to just be friends. I told him I didn’t think I could do that because I wanted more and he responded again asking me to reconsider that option. I haven’t responded or reached out to him for 3 weeks, I understand I should wait 30 days. My problem is that he doesn’t really text. Even when we were together there was very very little communication via text or phone in general. We always spoke in person and would stay up all night talking sometimes. How do I reach out and try to initiate texting conversations gradually getting longer and leading to a phone call if I know a text conversation is not likely to ever happen? He doesn’t have facebook either. And how do I prevent my new interactions from being placed in the ‘friend zone’?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 7:55 pm

Hi Jules,

First, have you started to improve yourself? If not, you should restart count. And then list the topics he loves talking about in person and start with those in texting. You have to aim to be the ungettable girl, so that you can increase the chances of attraction. Check this blog post out about being the ungettable girl: The Ungettable Girl

M

May 14, 2016 at 5:00 am

What if you accidentally already text-terrorized after losing your temper from being ignored? Will following the no contact rule still work?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 6:58 am

Hi M,

I can’t guarantee that it will but further texting will noy help either

Brunette

May 13, 2016 at 10:26 pm

I recently met this guy who seemed to be extremely interested in me at the beginning. At this stage, I was still indifferent to him and it seems that my indifference offended him. He was giving me less attention than before, calling me less. Then we had a serene moment in the relationship until one day he cancelled our date at the last minute. He had a good reason for cancelling, but because I wanted him to be more proactive I decided that I will not call him and wait for him to call. And this is how the no contact. I think he was scared of my reaction so he kept his distance. He is also a bit childish attitude and very stubborn. Despite that, he tried to get me to react to his posts on Facebook and liked some of my posts (the most significant ones). I already completed the 30 days of no contact successfully (it’s been 32 days already) and his birthday is coming up in a few days. I was thinking that this would be a good occasion to text him but I don’t know how to make my text more interesting. Any suggestions ?

Brunette

May 18, 2016 at 11:13 pm

Hi Amor,
Thanks. I sent him a nice text on his birthday telling how men are like wine improving with age. His reply was rather neutral, thanking me for my lovely wishes. I texted him back asking how he’s celebrating his bday. He said with his family (with a smiley face). Then I asked him about something related to his work, but this message did not get through to him yet. This often happened as he might have bad network connection, so him not answering is not what worries me. I am worried about his neutral reply after 37 days of absolute no contact. Does it mean that he’s not interested in communicating again? and I am also worried that I exaggerated with the texts…..Did I ruin every chance I had?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 7:44 pm

I think the topic was not interesting enough… You have to think of topics that are really compelling for him
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 6:33 am

Hi Bruneete,

greet him and then ask him how his day has bren and then reply a topic to talk abouy aftet his reply

Lily

May 13, 2016 at 6:39 pm

Hi Amor,

I have been using all of the texting techniques. Did 30 day no contact. Ex boyfriend of 3 months (2 year relationship) answers almost immediately and we have long memory filled conversations. He even texts be first some
Of the time. He says he misses me but hasn’t made a move. I keep trying to ask him to get his stuff as a way to test him and he literally will not make an effort to get the CDs he wants back. He also keeps sending me random comments and then when I reply back he doesn’t answer. Seems like he’s trying to get me to make a move but I can’t tell. How do I transition to phone calls or in person ?

Lily

May 15, 2016 at 4:02 pm

The thing is I have been doing that. I’ve been nonchalant with him and not being emotional. I haven’t told him I missed him. He still hasn’t gotten his stuff.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2016 at 7:16 am

when you’re about to hit high point in texting, transition to calls and tell the high point in call and then say good bye too..
Check this post too, Chris gave an advice on how to transition to calls: How To Talk To Your Ex Boyfriend On The Phone
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 6:14 am

Hi,

try to do jealousy moves now. Don’t be too forward.. just go out with friends more and post photos about it….

Laura

May 13, 2016 at 12:45 am

hi! i posted in a couple of other threads but i keep changing as my status changes. lol!

guy and i together for 4-5 months, not sure why we broke up but he seemed very angry like i hurt him but wouldnt tell me. i pushed for answers a bit and apologized for whatever i did to hurt him and told him i care about him a lot… but then gave up and sent a text the next week agreeing we were on different pages and sorry it was such bad timing. Did FULL NC for 45 days since breakup, and 30-something days since the “agreeing” text. So proud of myself. he might be back w his ex but not definite. not sure if i was rebound as he didnt break up w me to go back to her. he went on dating sites and was trying to meet someone new. so he may have fallen back on her bc she was chasing. – i dont even know if they are together.

during the NC period (about 3 weeks ago) he saw my best friend and told her to tell me he said hello. this made me feel more confortable as I THOUGHT this implied his anger had disappeared.

today i texted about seeing something that reminded me of him (an inside joke) and that it made me laugh and that I hoped he was well. I thought ht would repond neutrally or ignore it. Insteady i got a cold/rude “All good” and that was it. I then said (an hour later) “ok well katie mentioned you said hello so figured id say hey” and that was it.

How could he respond as if he was still resentful after almost 6 weeks and after he told my friend to tell me he said hello?!

what next?!

Laura

May 17, 2016 at 5:00 am

not sure what you mean about what if he just said that bc shes our common friend?? He was very angry when we broke up and he specifically pulled her aside and asked her to tell me that he said hello. not sure why someone would do that if they were still angry.

turns out he must be playing some sort of game because after he responded cold i just said “ok well (our friend) told me you said hello and i figured id say hey.” the next day he responded “hey back” so he was being “fake mad” or whatever. then he liked a few of my instagram photos so things are on a way better track now. It’s been 4 days so not sure what to do next. I assume another light text next week or something? seems like he’s “poking” me so to speak so not sure if he needs more reassurance or what.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 8:42 am

oh..I thought they just talked and he just said to say hello to you..
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 14, 2016 at 2:29 pm

what if he just said that because she’s you’re common friend? YOu know because you’re the connection in both of them? ok, on the lighter note maybe he meant it but it was three weeks ago and also maybe remembrance texts are too much for him.. Try a different one.. just a topic that he loves talking about.

AMY

May 11, 2016 at 7:39 am

hi,
what types of texts do you send to your EX to make you get back together with you..
but he is a sencitive guy, and he hates it when im shy.. how do you now be shy around someone your really like?
thanks Amy xx

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 1:19 am

Hi Amy,

actually shyness means you’re unsure and you don’t know what to do. Confidence comes when you repeatedly do something or you’re knowledgeable about something or you just believe in yourself that you can do it and nothing bad will happen.. Don’t overthink. Compile topics he loves talking about, and then try the steps Chris advised above and check out this other blog post too.
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

sam

May 10, 2016 at 10:33 pm

hi my ex is now making a effort with me its been 3 4 days things were going well but then he said he would like to make things right but he always goes back to the past as we were really good together and I left him he feels as he has changed as a person and can not help it what shall I do? i told him I would ring to talk did I do the right thing if so what shall I say if not what shall I do? Also I do think he tries but its hard for him how can I make his feeling change towards me and love me again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 12:44 am

Hi Sam,

I don’t understand. Just remain calm if he brings up the past, and if it’s not a question just let him finish talking, listen and assure that it’s not going to happen and continue on to the next topic.. and continue what you were doing during no contact to improve yourself because that helps him see you’ve changed.

Carmela

May 10, 2016 at 5:53 am

Hi Amor, im so happy into seeing your website. At first i didnt think of this as an option because i was still in shock of our breakup with my ex of 10yrs. i just realized this when i was so desperate, and yes i am desperate to get him and give a good fight. to tell you my story. We had a 10yr relationship with my ex. Within our relationship we had talked about getting married and was serious about it, had many fights but what he can only see in our relationship is the negativity in it. the positive things have been gone. when he broke up with me, i was shocked because it was all too good for a break up. we had a breakup before but it was bad. i would really like that this guy marry me because i see all the good things in him that i really wanted in a guy and is very simple. its so sad he was the one who broke up with me. he offered me friendship which i could not accept but he insisted me to accept it. he said that he doesnt want our relationship anymore and theres no love for me in his heart anymore and he was fed up with the fighting in our relationship. i cried so much trying to get him back but he doesnt want to anymore. no matter how hard i tried like having sex with him after the break up or having slept with him everyday after the breakup and getting him to remember the good things about our relationship, he still isnt interested in me. a month after we broke up, i just found out and as what he said, he has been inspired by another girl at work. my instinct was right, i didnt believe it because i thought he was loyal but he wasnt after all. so now i could connect that he broke up with me because he was in love with another girl. he described that the girl had a great smile, was peaceful and happy looking, and was God-loving. his coldness with me started when he worked in the same company with that girl. i even caught him liking the girl’s pix on fb compared to mine and that was like devastating to me. he was inspired to workout and gave reasons like he does this because he wants to get abs but to find out that the girl also works out at the gym so i guess that is why he was inspired. it was really depressing and i mean i went into depressing stage that he told me he was conscienced with what he did but he wants me to move on and find another guy and keeps on saying that i will find another guy. I honestly wanted to try your plan but still in the process of confusion and wanted to ask if you had this experience from other girls before like mine and have had success. Because i feel like this is going to be hard for my situation. Please enlighten me on this. i can still feel that we can fix this. but i just dont know what i need to do. look forward to your kind reply amor.

Carmela

May 20, 2016 at 5:34 am

Ok, thanks Amor.
Carmela

May 15, 2016 at 11:27 pm

Hi Amor,

One the 1st and 2nd day of NC, he didnt txt me at all, but on the 3rd day, he was texting me in the morning, texted me at night, and even chatted with me on FB but please take note, i didnt reply to him at all even if i wanted to. He also liked a pic i posted on fb which is really weird because he really doesnt do the 1st txt or chat, i always do. Now on the 4th day, he didnt text or chat with me anymore. Does that mean he thought i have moved on? I believe i just need to be patient and continue this NC right? Sometimes, he has this pride in him that when i dont text him, he doesnt text me at all. Just sad.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2016 at 8:14 am

yes, just be patient and continue on what you doing to improve yourself.
Carmela

May 12, 2016 at 7:56 am

Like the videos, kinda bad but good. Lol. We’ll see how it goes. Because my ex says he’s still going to wait a year before he will court someone and that he will only improve his old ways for the new girl. Just even knew that he was trying to ask for some wedding rates and i guess its for the new girl he’s preparing in the future. So sad… For now, ill just do the NC and we’ll see. Also praying to God for everything else.
Carmela

May 12, 2016 at 7:46 am

ok let me check this out and try NC
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 10, 2016 at 10:19 am

Hi Carmela,

He’s a grass is greener case.. you should start with active no contact.. don’t chase him.. improve yourself physically, emotionally and socially.. go out and do new things and meet new friends..
read this posts too, it’s like your situation.
Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

Lauren

May 9, 2016 at 7:47 pm

Hi,

So i’ve seen the youtube videos and i’ve been following the articles and the emails. In one of the emails Chris talked about texting and that you should build up to the ‘lots of texting’. So text him, wait a day, text him twice, wait a day and so on. What to say to keep a conversation going? i’ve witten down some texts i’d like to send him (based on the texts above), but i don’t know how to get the conversation going after these texts. any advice?

I send him the first reconnecting text. I got a normal respond and because Chris spoke about not texting him back much on the first day, I just wrote a simple reply. Something like this:

My text:
Hey, i saw that Now You See Me 2 is almost coming out and i remembered that i made you watch that movie about 3 times. Hope you are doing well with the exams and stuff 🙂

His respond:
Yes, i’ve watched that movie a lot. It’s a good movie tho. I still have one of your school books. I thought you might want it back 🙂

(about 3 hrs later)

my respond:
I thought of you and it made me smile.

Now he’s not responding.

Did i mess it up? What can i do to correct this?

Thank you!

Lauren

May 10, 2016 at 8:06 am

Could you give me an example? like what kind of text should i send, with what topic?
His reply was: Hahaha
So I don’t know.
I really hope this wasn’t a fatal mistake…
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 10, 2016 at 9:06 am

that’s a neutral response.. if you get that rest for a day or 2 before sending in another text. Compile all interesting topics for him and then choose the ones that are more current today or choose current event that are interesting for him that you can talk about… and then refer to this blog post on which style you would use..
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
EBR 022- How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 10, 2016 at 4:18 am

yeah, it’s a weird reply.. like why did you think of him? or maybe he saw that as you thinking about him and wanting him back.. rest for a week before sending another text but don’t send another memory text.. try a different topic of his interest that you can talk about.

bella

May 5, 2016 at 7:11 am

We broke up before a month because we used to argue alot so he said its better to be separated than fight everyday and we agreed to this.(we both still love each other)
The first many days were normal , like good morning texts ..texting wheneve he gets time..msgng me that ‘i’m home’ and etc but eventually it all stopped. And no ..he is not doing it on purpose, i realized that its not like ‘i dont want to msg her’ , it’s simply that i am not on his mind..like he wouldn’t remember me for days until for example i changed my dp so he will remember that i exist and msg like nothing happend.
Confronting him doesnt lead to anything coz he says i was busy or any other excuse **he just doesnt see that as a big deal** **i am like any other friend in his life that he would talk to after ages and day hi hello talk and disappear again**
What shall i do to be on his mind again or to get his attention back or … ugh you got my point yea?

bella

May 5, 2016 at 7:52 am

We are in different cities now coz i have my vacation on. So its all through texting only (not even calls)
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 8, 2016 at 3:28 am

Hi Bella,

you should start with no contact.. you’re more involved in him than he is with you.. it’s like he’s not interested in you anymore and you’re still in love with him.. be active in no contact to be more independent.. do not reply to his messages unless he really says he wants you back.. but other than if it’s just a hi or hello don’t reply.. don’t answer his calls for 30 days.. focus only you.. build a new life apart him.. You’re on vacation you should live like it.

sam

May 3, 2016 at 11:05 am

ok thanks
sam

May 1, 2016 at 8:02 pm

also I wanted to ask he has my sister number so when I was doing the Nc in the past he was messaging her asking where I was. when I broke the Nc he asked me where I had gone. I told him I had been busy he said i could of replied obviously I would see his messages and calls and ask why I ignored him also we have had came to terms to be friends and then I done the the nc and he started missing me but I broke it because he message my sister asking where I was and then asked why I had been ignoring him what should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 3, 2016 at 8:25 am

if he brings that up again, just say because you needed space and you weren’t prepared to talk to him yet

sam

May 1, 2016 at 10:30 am

yes we have spoken after that. should I be the one messaging him if he dont message and should it be a daily thing messaging or can it be a day where I don’t and wait for him to message?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 3:15 pm

try the tide theory in texting.. check it out here Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

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2,742 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”