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Rachael
July 15, 2014 at 7:28 pm
My ex and I went through a very confusing rough patch this past December and to cut that long story short, I ended up breaking up with him on New Years because of a guy(marine) I used to talk to but had not in a very long time stopped by my house unannounced to pour his heart out to me and then telling me he was being deployed in 1 week for 9 months. That put me in a very uncomfortable position because I knew my ex was so in love with me and treated me with so much worth but after the (marine) told me about him being deployed I had a hard time getting him off of my mind. It wasn’t like I loved this guy but the thought of him getting hurt or killed scared me. So I over reacted about having the (marine) on my mind and broke up with my ex.
He was devistated and begged for me back that entire month, but I was scared and too ashamed for hurting him like that to talk to him at the time..
A few days before Valentines I reached out to my ex by admitting I really made a mistake by breaking up with him and poured my heart out to him. He forgave me but was talking to a new girl. He said the connection with her wasn’t the same and that he missed me. We spent that whole weekend before valentines day together. He came over for Super Bowl Sunday and we were home alone. Of course things happened, but nothing too major. We had a great evening together and it felt like old times.
He is rather a “mamas boy” which is perfectly fine with me because I was close to his family, but the next day, Monday, he told me his mom would appreciate it if I came by her house and talk to her about everything thing that happened and apologize out if respect. For a girl, being in a room with the mother of the boy you hurt is just as scary as being a boy in a room with the father of the girl he hurt. But I did it. He was at work so it was just me and her. I walked up to the front door and knocked, she answered and we sat in the living room. She was silent as if she was waiting to hear what I had to say for myself. The first words to come out were “I am so…. Incredibly..” I busted into tears from the guilt I felt and she looked at me like she could feel herself that I was being completely sincere. I gathered myself self and finished “sorry.” And went into depth about what I was apologizing for. To sum up our conversation she forgave me and reassured me that she had no problem with me being with her son. I was so happy.
5 minutes later he came walking in and it didn’t take long for me to pick up something was about to happen. She left the room not long after he came home and told both of us she was glad to see us together again. I told him everything that was said and you could see how happy I was all over my face but I could feel there was something wrong on his side. He ended up looking me in the face and saying “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore..” An then he started crying an said he wanted to be with the girl he was talking to before we reconciled. I began to cry and lay all my feeling for him out on the table and I am not the type if person to be so fluent about my feelings. He could only say “I’m sorry I need time to think of what I should do.” and I just sat there in shock for a moment. In that moment his bestfriend walked in the front door (who doesnt like me and was talking to the other girls bestfriend) and saw he came in at the wrong time and went to the other room. My ex wasn’t saying anything but crying and so was I but I had to get myself together and out of there. All I said was “I should go, call me when you decide…”
I waited over a week for his answer and he knew I was at my lowest point because of what happened with us but didn’t care to tell me his choice. He finally told me his choice was her because a mutual friend told him he needed to be straight forward with me. I just said ” ok if that’s what you want ok.” We didn’t talk the rest of that day.
I tried to call him 3 times the next day and he didn’t answer. Of course I was trying to change his mind because the girl he left me for already had a boyfriend the my ex knew nothing about. He ignored me time after time those few weeks. I began to let my emotions get the best of me. I went down hill from that point emotionally but physically I became more attractive.
Of course my ex and that girl quit talking after a couple weeks like I assumed they would. I waited about 2 more weeks before I texted him and he was already talking to this other girl (Lexi). He was texting fairly fast but right when he was getting my hopes up he told me that nobody could know we were talking as friends, not even her because she would take it the wrong way. She ended up seeing my name in his phone and got very angry with him so he randomly said with no explanation that he couldnt talk to me. By this time it was the end of April, nearing prom. They went to their prom together and I went to mine dateless. I ended up texting him that night and told him I hated him. All he said back was “nice to know.” I didn’t message back… 3 weeks later I texted him a huge apology for saying I hated him because I had never said that to him and it was out of anger. He sent back a fairly long message saying that he knew I was only angry and didn’t really mean it and forgave me.
I took the oppertunity to try and fix our bridge, by just having a positive conversation about what was new in his life and etc.. Our conversation was going very well so I risked it by just asking how things were between him and his new girlfriend (Lexi). His response surprised me, he said “Okay I guess but I don’t have the same connection with her as I did with you..” I was so excited but my response was light and not pushy. He ended up breaking up with her a week later, while during that week he was talking to me all day everyday an saying things that he shouldn’t have while dating someone. I responded very short to those or brought her up. For example he said “I wish I could tell you how much I miss you but Lexi would kill me.” But the day they broke up he texted me and said “so did you hear about me and Lexi breaking up?” I played it off as if I didn’t and asked how he felt about it. He said he felt really good and went more in depth about how he did it and how it was mutual. I kept the mood positive and light by just saying “That’s good 🙂 at least it was a mutual thing and no one was hurt.” He responded back agreeing with me and then says ” idk if you were wanting to hangout but if so I would like to see you” and then quickly adds “but for the love of God don’t let his bestfriend (Warren) find out.” I automatically became very skeptical and just said “I don’t even talk to Warren.” He responded “I know but he told me if I ever talk to you again he would kill me.” And I just said “it’s not like anything would happen.” And he said “I know but you don’t understand his mindset about you.” And I said “And tbh I don’t care to know” and he said “I know and I told him even though I still have feelings for you I wouldn’t date you again.” And I just said “well it would be nice to catch up!” He said “ehhhh idk about that…” And I just said “what?” And he said “nothing.” And I said “you can talk to me.” And he said “I know but I don’t think I could control myself.” And I said “what do you mean.” And he said I would end up kissing you and I don’t want to make your feelings for me come back..” I got pissed off and just said “lol” “oh ok” and he just said ” 🙁 ” and I said “what” and he said “your mad…” And I just didn’t text back. He texted me again that night and said “hey.. Why were you mad.. :(” and I just said “seriously?” And he said “yeah I’m sorry” and I explained why I was and how he came across as he just wanted me as his side girl and basically poured my heart out to him to make him feel guilty which he did because he couldn’t even respond. I finally had it and was through sucking up to him. The next morning I still didn’t have a response so I said “yeah I probably wouldn’t have text back either.” And he said “I’m tired of you yelling at me” and I just said “how old are you? I’m tired of being led to believe there’s something still between us.” And this is when he pulled the last straw, he said “You’re crazy. Absolutely insane.” And I just said “lmao.” Our conversation ended.
This is when I went a little overboard by putting up screenshots of our messages since he was trying to hide me but it did make me happy to see my tweet blow up with 121 favorites and 73 retweets. He texted me and said im sorry for “whatever” and I didn’t respond. He texted again and said “you’re about to get and ear full.” I told him he should probably keep whatever he has to say to himself and I didn’t want to hear it. Of course he let me hear it and brought his bestfriend and mom into it. His bestfriend ended up threatening me and his mom ended up calling my house. I talked to her explaining where I stood and she completely understood and apologized for her sons actions and explained to me that she knows for a fact he still loves me and is doing whatever he can to fit in with his bestfriend but pushing me away.
That was the last time I spoke to them and that was the end of May.
My ex is going by what one friend of his tells him and he doesn’t even know me but my ex is really a loving caring guy. I know that because he used to treat me like a princess. I’m in love with him and I want him back in my life,
What should I do?
admin
July 16, 2014 at 2:46 pm
This marine…
Did you ever date him or have feelings for him?
nola
July 14, 2014 at 6:23 pm
I have got a big story. Is there a way you can e mail me ? I suppose you can see my email.
I have been seeing my ex for a couple weeks now. We never see each other one day always two or more. Now I have seen him from Wednesday til Sunday. We only had sex two times. A couple days before that he said he missed me and I thought I needed to give him emotional support which came out in more days of fun. Between these days we had e good conversation about the facy he has a dilemma. He likes and missses me but sees another girl too. It didnt work out with her because of he religion parents and distance. She is sweet and good looking but its just not “it”. She and i both have pro and cons. One of yhe cons on my side is my mom. He and my mom didn’t work quite well.
I know he still talks a bit with her. When he is with me he barely touches his phone but still. I don’t want to be an second choice. I did told him I liked the weekend, and a couple hours later that I would like to continue the conversation we had about us. Where I’d like to day how and what I want. (we got interrupted).
We both agreed in this conversation it’s not for nothing that we enjoy each other and that everything feels good.
I.hope you get the story what do you think of this ? I need a male expertise here. I Suck at toming and don’t wanna be pushing anything. I feel like. Never say never. And as persons we do fit anf always will.
admin
July 15, 2014 at 3:00 pm
Sorry I don’t do the emails anymore… If you ccould post it here though.
Janet
July 10, 2014 at 6:14 pm
What if I ran out of how to text him first?
I have tried every text you taught us here..
Now I haven’t talked to him about 3 months. (NC)
I really want to text him but i used them all. (Confession, guess what, etc)
What more can I do now? Help Chris!!
admin
July 11, 2014 at 1:59 pm
Can’t you make up your own text though?
Sarah
July 8, 2014 at 3:25 pm
Hey Chris!
So I waited about 40 days of NC and then sent a message last Tuesday about finding something he had given me and that it made me think of him for the first time in a while. He responded RIGHT away saying he was going to contact me the day before to check up on me and see how I was doing. Then he started a conversation and we chatted effortlessly and quickly for 10 mins and then I ended the convo…he responded after I ended it with what he was about to do and I didn’t respond.
On Thursday he “accidently” facetimed me and I didn’t answer. I sent him a txt an hour later saying “sorry I missed your call.” he told me it was a butt dial while he was at the gym. That night I was at a bar with my girlfriends and when leaving, I saw him surrounded by people and chose not to say hi because he didn’t see me anyway and I felt like it was the wrong time. I turned to my friend and said “maybe I should?” and she said no and pushed me out..I made sure to be smiling and laughing as I left just incase he saw me.
Sure enough at 4:20am he sent me a message “sorry if I stepped on your game tonight.” I sent him a message the next day at 1pm saying “game? i don’t know what you mean” I saw him type, delete, type, delete (benefit of iphone) and then silent…ten mins later i said “i was out with girlfriends catching up last night, i hope you enjoy this incredible weather today!” he responded immediately saying he was drunk and didn’t know what he meant by that and that he was heading to his friends to go swimming.
Sunday I reached out with a memory text about when we installed my car stereo together, he told me that it was all me and he just held the flashlight, I said he was my hero that night and that it was freezing. He said it was worth it. I decided to ask him about his weekend and BOOM, opened 3 hours worth of texting back and forth. He was talking about how he completely changed his lifestyle and is happy with his body for the first time in his life. “You know how I struggled with that” he sent me pictures of his muscles and was using winkey faces, I sent him a picture of my muscle (i’ve been working out too) and he commented on the fact that I was always ripped before hand but look even better now. I think he was flirting with me and he was texting a lot more than I was…I even ended the conversation once and an hour later he restarted it again. He did say in the convo “we start talking again and we are comparing muscles” and laughed.
I guess my question is, there’s a lot of information about what to send as a text…and if there is a positive, neutral, or negative response…but I guess…how to I take the positive response? Do I continue to reach out or should I wait for him to make the next move?
1) he told me he was thinking about me, wanting to see how I was and to check in with me, and was going to contact me before I contacted him (good sign)
2. He responds pretty quickly so far (good sign)
3. He sent me a drunk text 3 hours after he saw me (I think he was fishing to see if I was single? Because I literally was not around ANY guys all night except the waiter) (good sign because it means he’s thinking about me?)
4. He was being playful and talking about his body a LOT, also mentioning how his lifestyle is healthy and good for the first time in his life which is a huge thing for him and something he’s struggled with for a while. (is this good or is he just looking for confidence boost?)
5. He seems eager to tell me about what he’s up to. He asks about me, but I make the decision to not really tell him and keep asking him questions about himself or continuing the convo about him. I am doing this because I hope that maybe it will keep him guessing about what I’m up to and maybe give me a call or initiate texting? (good? i dont’ know)
6. He hasn’t reached out to start conversation on his own yet except that drunk text… (granted this is the first week of contact after NC)
I guess, how does a girl gauge this? What is the difference between an ex just being nice and an ex flirting with you or prepping the soil for something more in the future? I’ve never had an ex be this flirty and positive after a breakup and I feel like I’m gonna jinx it by even posting on here haha.
What is friendly and what is more than that? And where do I go from here?
admin
July 9, 2014 at 2:13 pm
1. I agree good sign
2. VERY good sign.
3. Again, not cool that he was drunk texting but a good sign.
4. Confidence boost (probably from you.)
5. I would say good
6. He is very responsive though when you do reach out right?
Sarah
July 9, 2014 at 4:10 pm
Yes! Always so responsive! And QUICK with his responses!
I’m starting to wonder if maybe he’s not reaching out because he’s worried I’ve moved on or is scared to know I’ve found someone else, which I clearly haven’t.
So, where do I go from here?
admin
July 10, 2014 at 2:17 pm
Ok well, keep doing what you are doing. While its not ideal that you have to be the one that inititates the important part is that he is quick and responsive!!!
Ha Bac
July 5, 2014 at 5:34 pm
Hello Chrish,
First of all, thanks for your very helpful advice. I would like to share my story to you here, becaus it is some different…
I am Vietnamese and my bf is Korean. You have been together for almost 1 year. We both love each other. But, you know, beside bf and gf, we also have other friends (including men), right? Me too, i have one friend, just friend only in my country. He is living very far from my place, and we just contact sometime. he is also my company’s partner. Then, one week ago, we had a conversation about works between my company and his. During that conversation, we joked each other, and he called me “honey”, i also called him “honey” too….just for fun. I do not love that guy, and i really didnt think much that thing would go very far…when my bf read my conversation with that guy. It’s happened at the same day, evening, while i was having date witt my bf, i turned on 3G to show him some stuffs…then the text of my friend came…at 10:30 pm asked me “he came back home already”…
After that, my bf read all my texts with friend, saw “honey”…. He started to accuse that i cheat on him, and he wanted to break up with me even i explain many time that it was just kidding only. My bf also used my phone to call that guy at 11:30pm, asked him love me or not? Actually, my friend has a 3 years old daughter, so i thought he also has wife…i also told my bf that “we’re just kidding, and he has wife and daugter…how come i can love him. And especially i am in love with you? I only love you!”….but he didnt believe in me :(… He called that guy and ask him about his wife…and do you know, my friend actually is still singler!!! Oh my god…then my bf thought i lie him!!!!!
He said to me “you love a guy who has daughter?….ok, let go there and love him, we finish here”…then he gone…
I cried alot!!! I know this was my fault when did joking too over…but i really love my bf so much…
The next day, i texted him to ask about his flu, i also bought medicine for him…and he still texted me back, but lied me that he ate my medicine and felt better…but i knew he didnt. Then when i asked about his day, he didnt reply me..
Yesterday i also texte him to ask about his flu, he texted me back ” already ok now”. But when i asked him “are you still angry me?”… He didnt reply me…until now!
I dont know what to do now? Could you give me advice…i really dont want to lose him.
Could you give me any advice?
Many thanks!
Ha Bac
admin
July 7, 2014 at 5:55 pm
What specifically do you need my help with? Like what to text him?
Ha Bac
July 7, 2014 at 11:05 pm
Should i continuously text him or just keep slience for a while?
Cuz i feel he is totally ignoring me…
admin
July 8, 2014 at 2:15 pm
Silent for a while.
Louise
July 3, 2014 at 2:29 am
Hi Chris,
I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years September last year. It was a mutual break up but soon realized i wanted him back. He straight away got into a new relationship and is now living with his new gf. We have spoken on and off in that time and in the last few weeks have been seeing/speaking to each other on a more then friends basis. I obviously feel awful about this but still have feelings for him and want him back, we have not spoken about feelings and the fact of what is really going on other then the fact that he seems confused, but he is still with his gf. Any advice on what to do to win him back completely?
admin
July 7, 2014 at 5:22 pm
By any chance have you read the 2.0 version of getting an ex back who has a new girlfriend?
laila
June 28, 2014 at 7:42 am
hey , me and ex used to chat on bbm and whtsp before , even aftr we broke up . now since 6 mnths he deleted me off bbm saying he does not use it anymore , infact he still does !!!
howw do i make hi add me back on bbm ????
i dont want to sound desprate to him , cuz he clearly dsnt wana chat .
Please help ! its killing me to keep quite !
admin
June 29, 2014 at 5:01 pm
Do you still have his actual phone number?
laila
June 30, 2014 at 4:14 pm
ye i do and we talk sometimes .
but can u tell me a way how to make him add me on bbm ????
admin
July 3, 2014 at 12:38 am
Sorry I am kind of lost, bbm?
laila
July 8, 2014 at 10:09 pm
blackberrynessenger , lol
so can u tell me way to make him want to talk to me ? or add me back on blackberry messnger ( like texting ) !
Stacey
June 26, 2014 at 9:07 pm
Hey Chris.
These questions relate to a few of your articles i didn’t wanna spam and post on each article the question related to so its just a huge blurb on this article.
I just finished your NC article which i neglected to read since the concept seemed simple enough. However I’m glad i read it because according to your article I actually overshot my goal. Its been 7 weeks NC and i only did it so long because i didn’t know that contact regarding recollecting things left at your place was not considered breaking NC.
Im going to do first contact soon but i have a few questions that weren’t answered by your other articles.
First question:
In your “the male mind during NC” you told us what he’s thinking but does his reaction have anything to do with what you should say/do during first contact? And if so what about men who are combination reactions?
I have come to the conclusion that my ex is probably a weird combination of Clueless, stubborn and scared.
ALSO he just came over to what used to be our apartment yesterday to pick up his stuff. Id like to make first contact soon since my NC is over now. But Is doing it right after ive seen him a bad idea? how soon should i do first contact if i just saw him?
admin
June 29, 2014 at 4:37 pm
Ok, one question at a time please hahaha.
What is it you want to know most?
Stacey
June 29, 2014 at 8:49 pm
Its been three days since he came by my place to pick up his stuff. And hes actually stopping by again since he missed a piece. Should i wait a few days after today to make first contact since ill be seeing him again? Or should i make first contact now and use our recent contact as a stepping stone?
admin
June 30, 2014 at 2:32 pm
Yes wait a few days.
BellaZ
June 25, 2014 at 6:22 pm
My boyfriend of 6 weeks lied to me about his whereabouts. It was important that we spend the weekend together since we had not done so since we started dating. I suddenly had a feeling he was lying and drove by his house only to find the lights on and car parked in the driveway, even though he said he was out of town. When I confronted him, he accused me of spying on him and he broke up with me right there and then. I miss him, I wasn’t ready to let go. How do I get him back without having to chase after him because at the end of it all, he did lie and broke my trust in him,
admin
June 26, 2014 at 3:19 pm
Did you find out why he lied to you though?
Raquel
June 22, 2014 at 11:43 pm
Hi Chris!
You’re website is fantastic. I was recently dumped by my boyfriend of 5 months. We hardly argued, we had a lot of the same interests and always had a good time. I have a little boy and he doesn’t have any kids. He never met my son, as I didn’t want to bring him around until I knew it would get more serious. I was going to introduce him this week, but was shocked when he called me and said that he met someone, wanted to date her and see where it goes. and didn’t want to be with someone who had children. I’m not sure if this was just an excuse or this is how he really feels. We had an amazing sex life, we were extremely comfortable with each other and shared so many great memories. I’m beyond heart broken, and will take any advise you may have. As we never really committed, he was open to date anyone he wanted. He said he thought of me when he went on a date with her, interested in getting to know her better. Also, he has met other women but nothing came out of it, and he always thought of me. He says he cares for me and wants me to be happy and does still have feelings for me, but doesn’t see us going any further. What should I do?
admin
June 23, 2014 at 2:21 pm
Maybe he just got too freaked out by the commitment. I mean things must be getting more serious if you were going to introduce him to your son.
Raquel
June 23, 2014 at 8:18 pm
He didn’t know I was going to make that leap. This was completely out of the blue. I’m sticking to the NCR, but I can’t help but wonder if he’s thinking of me, if he misses me or if he regrets this. What are men thinking?
admin
June 24, 2014 at 6:45 pm
I am sure he is thinking of you… read some of the “male mind” posts on this site.
Syephanie
June 22, 2014 at 5:07 pm
Hi!
Any advice I can get would help me greatly. I have been going through hell for the last month. Here is my situation..
Me and my husband had been together almost 3 years and married for 7 months. He has a job where he frequently had to work out of town for 1-3 week periods at a time. In May he came home after a longer leave of work than normal and told me that he “wanted to be alone” that he had never really been single and that he wanted his time and space.
He said he wanted a divorce because he thinks he is too young to be married (23). At the same time he kept saying things like “this won’t be forever” “I don’t want to cut you out of my life” “I think this time apart will do us some good”. Well I left town for a week and kept my phone turned off the whole time I was there. I received a text asking if I had I blocked him, telling me we were supposed to still talk and basically telling me nor to be spiteful. I sent him a message back explaining that I was taking some time. Then he would call or text me for what seemed to be ridiculous reasons…the latest one to tell me that the landlord at the house we lived in was selling the property. All along in this time I have tried to get clear cut answers from him about what he wanted and have received nothing but a bunch of I don’t know answers. we were supposed to meet up to exchange some things. I knew that it would hurt me to see him So I finally texted him and told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea until he wanted to talk and explained that I know that I am a good catch and when he was ready to talk to let me know. The next day he unfriended me on Facebook and I haven’t heard from him since….I guess now I don’t know where to go from here…I know I love him and want to fix my marriage I just don’t know what to do..!! Please help!!
admin
June 23, 2014 at 2:06 pm
Well, you might want to check out my page on ex husbands.
Syephanie
June 23, 2014 at 3:27 pm
I read the section on ex husbands but I am not sure how much applies to my situation because our marriage was only 7 months. He went through the phase of wanting to still call and text me until the last message I sent explaining that I didn’t think meeting up would be a good idea. He has mentioned divorce since the day we split and in the state I live in there is no legal separations. I am worried about the NC rule because he has a tendency to think that I do things out of spite and I don’t want to push him away further…any suggestions?!!
admin
June 24, 2014 at 6:33 pm
Let me ask you this. How long did you date before you got married?
Syephanie
June 25, 2014 at 8:13 pm
We dated a year and 10 months before we got married and lived together for most of it.
Syephanie
June 23, 2014 at 3:28 pm
Hasn’t **
Crystal
June 19, 2014 at 6:22 pm
Chris,
So I was the one who pulled the plug on the relationship back in March. We were engaged and we have a child together. I know that we have to have contact because of our child but I have been having so much trouble keeping the minimal contact rule. I hear from “friends” of mine that he talks to and he tells them that im crazy..well I un friended him on facebook…do you think he will notice?? I want our family back together so bad….please help..
admin
June 21, 2014 at 7:21 pm
Why did you end the relationship?
Kriya
June 19, 2014 at 8:30 am
Hey,
Thats a very long story, right noe Im all messed up 🙁 , I just wanted to know that what If he forgets me in these 30 days ? 🙁 I can try this NC rule , he already wanted to stay away from me and he said he’s happy without me . I’m confused please reply me back. I’m going through hell right now. We had almost 3 yrs relationship and I can’t let it gi 🙁 We were having marriage plans and now he don’t even see a friend in me. Please reply asap. Im waiting . . .
Alexa
June 19, 2014 at 7:08 am
Hi Chris,
I would really appreciate if you could help me and get back to me about my problem as soon as possible.My ex is coming tom to get his stuff and I really don’t know what to do.. Here’s my story. I met this guy online. We chatted for a month and he said he’s really into me and that he is coming to visit and spend time with me(Btw,He’s from Australia and I’m from Malaysia). On his first visit, we got to know each other more and even started being physically intimate with each other. He said, he’s gonna do the monthly visit and that he really wanted to commit in our relationship. At first, I wasn’t really looking for a serious relationship coz I just came out from a long-term one and then he came along and everything changed for me. So, on our second meeting we went on a holiday together. We were very happy. Then this month, something happened to me. I got robbed and I’m really down and a bit emotional coz of the stuff taken from me.some are really important. One day we were just talking and he said that he is not really comfortable about my flabby belly and I told him to either take it or leave it.And I insisted that we settle everything now before we go any further. He said he doesn’t know and that he is pretty big with physical attraction and I grew very insistent that he tell me what he wants.until he said the dreadful words, “Leave it” and I was in so much shocked and disbelief coz I thought that his not gonna say that coz his been saying that he’s not sure and that he doesnt know. Although, he said that his happy with our relationship and he’s not sure about the whole take it or leave it thing coz he said, he does have trouble with my chubbiness. He even said that he likes me a lot and that my sexiness comes from my personality but my mid section is turning him a bit off and that he’s very big on physical attraction. So, I stopped communicating with him for 3 days.But since he is coming again this 20th,I texted him about a guy I bumped into that Monday morning and that he reminded me of him and I said that I’m cool with what he wants and that I totally agree with the break up. He texted me right away,laughing and commenting about my text. But I didn’t reply anymore. Then on Wednesday,yesterday he texted saying if he can come over on Friday and get his stuff.I replied and said that I totally forgot about that he’s coming again and that it’s totally fine but he may have to wait till 9 or 10 coz I have to do something with a friend(mentioned a guy name). And he said that’s okay and I even said to stop being too nice and he texted me throwing a funny line. I really want this guy back even though I got really hurt with his lame reason of breaking up with me. So, for almost a week now I’ve been working out non-stop till he comes and I even bought a tight-fitting black dress for when he come and get his stuff on Friday. But this is where my problem is coming in.. He’s gonna be here for just a couple of days and I wanna win him back. My plan is to look really happy, confident and that everything is cool and I’m okay and moved-on. But I’m gonna have a problem resisting his charm. coz I think we have this really great sexual connection and I have to resist that on our first night seeing each other again, coz I want to mentally challenge him and chase me again. But at the same time, I’m this bitch with all these strong sexual desires for him ready to explode.hahaha I was thinking, if on the 2nd day and I couldn’t take it anymore, and if we hook up. Can I just act like a guy? Like, I just wanna sleep with him and nothing serious and leave him tip-toeing the next day. and if I wanna do it again, i’ll just text him and hook up again. What do you think will happen and what he’ll feel about me? I wanna hear your point of view.Please help me.Thank you and I look forward in hearing from you.
admin
June 20, 2014 at 7:48 pm
So, you guys are long distance?
nicole
June 19, 2014 at 2:52 am
I’m 21 Years old and in my 8 month of pregnancy, my boyfriend [22years old] and I have been together going on 4 years in a couple days. We were living together and everything was okay until one day I felt guilty and decided to tell him I cheated but I didn’t have sex with the guy we were just enjoying each others time and company whenever my boyfriend didn’t have time for me. He didn’t leave me but a month or so went by and I found out I was pregnant. He was happy and I was happy , he was there every appointment that he could make it to when he didn’t have to work. My first trimester I was very sick and I couldn’t make it to work so I stopped working wish caused him to be the only paying bills to keep a roof over our heads until he losted his job. It got frustrating because his patience started getting shorter, he started staying out for 12 hours a day being with his friends, arguments and fights escalated to the point I got sicker and lost a lot of weight and ended up staying with my grandmother. In January of 2013 he left and moved with his mother to milledgeville, ga to find a job since he couldn’t find one here and I just continued living with my grandmother. Well from the beginning my trust was messed up because we’ve has minor problems and by him staying out all day and not wanting to spend time with me cause me to think he just wasn’t chilling with his male friends but females were also involved. But when he left to stay with his mother I gained some trust back because we talked and Skyped everyday and every second of the day. He got a job after a couple of weeks of being there where he worked 5pm to 5 am , he would message me on Facebook during break and call me as soon as he got home from work but shortly started to fade away. I always checked his Facebook , Twitter, and emails since he left, well one night I was checking his email and I found a post on Craigslist stating that he was looking for friends with benefits in the area and a picture of his penis. I was so hurt and confused because we were doing good , better than what we been doing when we were down here together. So I called him and asked him about it and he really couldn’t say anything but that he was horny. Once I found that out my trust was lost again and ever since then we barely talk. I told him I know he done had sex with someone up there because he has a high sex drive and I know that he talks to other females up there because he doesnt conversate with me but he denies it all. He tells me its no one else and that he hasn’t done anything else to hurt me besides the Craigslist mess and that he wants to be with family and to raise his child. I don’t know what to do or believe because I don’t want my child growing up without 2 parents because that’s something I didn’t have my whole life and I love him with all my heart and can’t image myself being with out him. We don’t have trust or communication in this relationship but I don’t want to give up and I’ve been the one trying to do everything to make sure he’s happy and so our relationship won’t fall apart.i found out through twitter that he has been seeing a girl on his job and she has been on twitter bragging about their first date and how good he was in bed but he denies having sex with her it was just conversation. PLEASE HELP ME.!
admin
June 20, 2014 at 7:43 pm
Well, this is a mess to be quite honest.
Firstly, he is probably very hurt that you cheated on him. Secondly, at 22 he is very young and can be a tad immature… (women mature much faster than men I feel.)
nicole
June 21, 2014 at 9:29 pm
Yes. It is a mess and I’m hurt because I really want to make my family work and I’ve done begged him to act accordingly because he does have a baby now but he does the opposite . What should I do.? Just forget us ever getting back together , let him know that it over, no contact for 30 Days , because telling him how I feel isn’t working at all and we done been together for 4 years. I feel he did wrong , I did wrong , we even let’s just make it work. I don’t know what to do
admin
June 22, 2014 at 3:41 pm
Wait, you made him aware you are doing NC?
nicole
June 25, 2014 at 7:19 am
He is 22 years old and no I didn’t let him know about nc . I’m asking you what should I do
nicole
June 21, 2014 at 9:34 pm
And I feel maturing isn’t an excuse because he knew I was pregnant and had 9 months to decide what he wanted to do with us being together and had 9 months to mature to be a father. He only calls one time out the day , doesn’t even come by to see her and this is his first child
admin
June 22, 2014 at 3:42 pm
…. how old is he again?
nicole
June 23, 2014 at 10:28 pm
He is 22 years old and no I didn’t let him know about nc . I’m asking you what should I do
nicole
June 21, 2014 at 10:32 pm
And I cheated back in 2012
admin
June 22, 2014 at 3:42 pm
Still, I am sure it hurts…
nicole
June 19, 2014 at 2:59 am
I’ve had my baby and he ended up traveling down to my hometown to help open up one of the stores he works to , in order to be Down her with the baby. The company gives them a room to stay since he traveled here to open a store and he shares it with another guy [ that I don’t know or trust] but I went through his phone and found out that he invited some girl over to the room to smoke with him and when she left he texted her to make sure she was safe when he never did me this why when I traveled to see him during my pregnancy. I still want to be with him because I don’t want nobody else or even want to start over with someone new and i want my family to work .!!what should I do???
Eileen Jazz
June 18, 2014 at 5:16 pm
I did the no-contact rule for 30 days (he texted 4 times in the whole month, which I proudly ignored). I texted him this morning – NO ANSWER!! It has been 3 hours, and I know he is always on the phone. What is going on? Give up? Walk away?
admin
June 20, 2014 at 7:17 pm
What did you text him?
choas
June 16, 2014 at 9:14 pm
Hi Chris I really need your help. I’ve lost the only guy who has ever loved me and I have never loved anyone the way I did him. We broke bout week ago and its all my fault. It’s a really long story but I’ve excepted I ruined our relationship. I’ve begged and went to see him everyday to show I was sorry but it seemed he jus hated me all over again as soon as I had to leave his we would argue. Please I want him again please he is the only thing that makes sense to me he is the only one I want I need in my life. And I’m so miserable without him. He has to go back to Africa in 5 days.before wen we were in love he was going to stay for me please I need us to be together again please how can I get him to feel that way for me again. Please how can I get him to want me back please help me before He leaves for Africa how can I change his mind. We’ve hvnt spoke for four days no text no call nothing.but this morning he sent me a text saying I was a terrible f2f and he leaving country end of this week. Wat do I reply! Please way can I text back to make him change his mind. I tried 30 days things but just one week he text me saying he leaving ok by end of this week way do I do! Please help me get him backk
Please reply asap
Mango44
June 15, 2014 at 12:54 pm
I met my guy on an online dating site in January. We talked a few times before we met up and even on the phone, the connection was immediate. The date was even better (best I ever had) and he agreed the same. I thought I met an emotionally available, kind, affirming, solid, man. However, he told me probably on our second date or so, all about his last relationship and how it ended. He was with someone for four years and he caught her cheating on him. This happened just two months before we met! He told me he didn’t want anything serious, but his actions were otherwise. Well, we dated for two months and at first I was dating other people, and then I focused only on him. At the beginning of march I celebrated his birthday by heading up to NYC with him to meet his brother and cousins and what an amazing weekend it was! I felt so connected to him, etc. Well after he came back (I stayed there an extra week between jobs) he got distant and weird and it drove me nuts because I missed him like crazy. He didn’t respond to a text I sent him and that sent me into a tailspin. Then when I sent him an email wondering what was up, he was seemingly open, etc. But he did this weird thing where he was like “hey my family is in town, you can meet them” and then finally not responding to my last text. Again, it sent me into a tailspin. When we finally spoke I had talked to all my friends and sisters about it and asked him of we were ever going to have a future, etc. Etc. He immediately shut down (wasn’t open like before) and I also got him to admit that he was seeing someone else and was physical with them. I was devastated and ended things with him. A month later (after complete radio silence) I gchatted him and realize that I was pretty heavy with my communication with him “I couldn’t stop crying after you” etc etc. He also told me he was seeing someone else! Well, that gutted me and now it’s been exactly two months of radio silence. I can’t stop thinking about him and I want another chance with him. My question is: should I wait another month? After the first text, what should I do when he responds?
Diamond
June 14, 2014 at 1:57 pm
What if you already texted him like crazy to have him come back? He broke up with me because he is a pot head, and when he smokes a lot he becomes a different person and shits everyone who loves him out. He was being distant and not replying to I texted him ” I want to hear your voice more that’s not fair baby I miss you” and he said “sigh diamond I can’t do this anymor, in done with having gfs please be my really good friend if your willing too” . He broke up with me because I asked him to call me, and I’m lot even clingy but the weed makes everything over dramatic so I guess he was already annoyed . Any way, I texted him 2 days after that and said god bless you and I’m thinking about cha and he said ” how are you? I’ve been thinking about you too, hob bless”. I txt we back and he never replied. So then I texted him again 🙁 idk why I thought begging would being him back. So what do I do ? Should I start the 30 day thing ?
admin
June 15, 2014 at 6:00 pm
You definitely should!!!
tina
June 13, 2014 at 5:56 am
so me and my husband had known each other for 7 years. we were BFFs in the beginning then we dated for 4 years then got married for a year. we had arguments and breakups throughout our relationship because i think he has a problem on going to nightclubs a lot. and he doesnt earn enough money to pay for himself. he likes to spend on luxury stuffs. so when we went out i used to pay for every meal and movie tickets and such. he sometimes buy my expensive gifts which i dont think i needed. i stopped paying for him 8 months ago and he got mad. he started to come home very late(4,5am in the morning every weekend)then i got mad and refused to have sex with him everytime he asked me.
then 2 months ago we had a big fight before going to see a movie. i blocked him on the phone. he did not attempted to talk to me about it when he came home really late. then he moved out 5 days later when i was at work. he told nobody before he moved out. i was devastated when i got back home found his stuffs were all gone. i was so pissed so i kept blocking him for a whole month. during that month i talked with his closest friends a little. one of them said he looked very unhappy at work right after he moved out. others said he really wanted a divorce and do not want to go back together. then i unblocked him and asked him if he wants to come out and talk about it. he sounds very mad even though he insisted he’s very happy that he moved out. he said he does not love me anymore and he does not wanna see me at all cos hes having fun with ‘friends’from nightclubs. and said i made him gay–he slept with a guy or multiple guys already.
i was crashed.
in the next 3 weeks, he kept liking my social networks moment status but barely talked. one of my friends talked to him asked him if we can have a talk and sort it out he said yes and he thinks by looking at my ‘happy’ pictures he thinks i look good. he once asked me to get his diploma back cos he forgot to take it with him. i agreed and asked him to come and renew my car’s insurance cos i was very busy he agreed right away. but he postponed it for 3 times and stopped mentioning it.
then he posted on his social network where he blocked me already but our mutual friends could still see and one of them showed it to me. its something to his boyfriend. saying he loves his kiss, his hugs and he is awesome. then i stopped sharing my new status on social network with him but he can still see my old ones. yesterday he sent me a message saying he wants his stuffs back(his diploma) i did not reply to him cos i’m following the NC rule.
all of my friends said i should give up on him.but i still want him back. he is bisexual but not gay. can a bi turn into gay just in a few days?
should i still follow the NC rule for 45 days(cos he’s sleeping with a guy now) then follow the text techniques? do you think the chances i get him back is high?
he never dated anyone before me. i only dated one guy before him. i believed we are true love but don’t know if i can save it…..
i’m obsessed with how to get him back and i want him back so bad. even my friends are against me.
admin
June 15, 2014 at 3:57 pm
You want your husband back?