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Paulina
October 15, 2013 at 4:59 pm
I wrote on another post regarding texting. I didnt reply to his final text of “im good, things are good, hope things are great and beyond for you, it was nice hearing from you”… the trouble I ran into, litterally, I ran into him and his friend at the store the next day.
he looked suprised, mumbled “hey” (so did I)….niether one engaged in convo or even tried to.
How do I handle this? I wasnt in best attire, I was post gym mess and reeeeeally didnt want to talk. This happened friday and still nothing from him, and like I said, I didnt reply to his final text. Do I continue NC still and allow him to come to me?
admin
October 16, 2013 at 2:34 am
I always get turned on a bit when I see a girl post gym… maybe he is the same hahaha.
For now yes. How many days do you have left?
Paulina
October 16, 2013 at 1:21 pm
Monday was the last day of offical NC.
admin
October 17, 2013 at 2:31 am
Ok, what is your text message looking like at this point?
paulina
October 17, 2013 at 11:10 pm
I haven’t texted him anything since the last reply from him. I had somthing happen though. I posted about my dad on fb,just requesting prayers for a kind of scary diagnosis. My ex s sister commented, then within 20 minutes,HE texted me asking “is everything ok with your dad?”
Mind you, He deleted me from Facebook, so I know his sister said something.
Next, I replied “as well it can be at the moment, thanks for asking.”
He replied, ” I’m probably not the first or last person you want to talk to about anything, but if you need to or want to, I’m always available”
I replied with “I appreciate it, I hope everything’s good for you”….
HELP! 🙂 this texting was going on during his.class time, so I haven’t gotten a reply yet, but how should I take this??? Do I take him up on it and do coffee, put him off more??? I suprised he contacted me about my dad because he unfriended me, so obviously I would know his sister said somthing to him.
admin
October 18, 2013 at 6:32 pm
Put him off a little bit longer and THEN strike and ask for coffee.
Gerrie
October 15, 2013 at 4:31 pm
He broke up with me. I’ve come to terms with the things I did wrong and I am working on myself. I don’t want to rush into a new relationship with him (I don’t want anyone else either) but a part of me still hopes for the future. I want a future where he is present, not a future where ghosts of him linger. How do I ensure this without putting too much pressure on either one of us?
admin
October 16, 2013 at 2:30 am
You have to take things slow. Usually NC is a good way to start this off but even when you contact him you need to be very slow and measured.
cristinar
October 15, 2013 at 12:32 pm
PS: I thought of maintaining a relaxed approach, very very loose, so to give him the clear idea that I MIGHT be there, BUT am not.
In time, IF he’ll ask to meet me, I thought of telling him something on this line:
I don’t know. I mean I don’t think is a good idea, me and you together it’s recipe for disaster… 🙂 Plus I am about to leave for a while and I don’t know if for good. I have to decide what to do yet.
I explain why I thought this:
1 I don’t want him to be confident that he can and will have me when he wants, all the contrary! I want him to see that what WAS before, it’s NOT any longer and I am not up for merry-go-round BS again.
2 He always feared losing me in his life; this month NC to him meant only that I was hurt, angry maybe, NOT that he could lose me. I know this for sure and I want to shake his convictions about it.
3 I never refused to meet him, not once in the past and I actually have gone to great (I repeat GREAT) lengths to accommodate HIS timings, meaning I ended up being called last minute or kept hanging on the fence very often. We always met in the end, BUT that “let’s play by ear” modality didn’t feel good at all on my side and I MOST definitely do not have any wish to fall into second fiddle figure EVER AGAIN. Especially with him.
4 To mention I might move permanently should set off his more serious thinking about losing me; if I don’t, he’ll still have thought about it and that might stir up some breakthrough in regards of his own emotions.
Comments about my plan?
Meanwhile he replied letting me know (between lines) that he is in London today (he lives miles away!) and asked about how’s work for me.
Good or bad, that he maintains a detached approach to this newly re-open communication channel with me??
HELP PLS, I cannot mess it up this round!
cristinar
October 15, 2013 at 11:37 am
Right. I went into NC after a year of struggle with a guy in a long term relationship with two kids. He kept telling me that he loved me like no one before in his life (he’s 42), but clearly was fighting his own feelings: we kept ending up in each other’s arms, him saying to be very confused and in turmoil over what he wanted and what to do. Basically, he was trying to keep me hanging around whilst deciding.
I had no choice but to stop seeing him, as I couldn’t fit into “friends” mode, and also he himself couldn’t stop wanting to be with me, thing that made him end up feeling guilty and more confused about us and the future.
During NC I made my mind up on wanting him to make the first move or nothing, which he did.
I got a little worked up by the fact that his first text after 27 days of silence (before we were daily, for hours, in contact. EVERY day) he sent a silly message with link to a sad, romantic song. I thought it was very immature as it didn’t make much sense: what he wanted to achieve?
To sum it all up, I was puzzled and frustrated and thought of letting him go.
Then an anonymous guy wrote something here, for me, that made me think.
So today, on day 34 of total NC, ignoring completely the silly text he sent I sent him a first text contact. This: I just stumbled across a man that was scaring off some pigeons whilst holding onto his sandwich for dear life and it reminded me of you. Actually it made me giggle as much as that day 🙂
42 minutes later he replies this: Ha cheeky! Glad to see there are more like me who do the right thing. Bloody rats with wings….
Again, I was buffled: is it neutral answer, positive answer…?
I took it as best of both given the circumstances, and after another 2 hours (I put my status on Whatsapp on “in meeting”) of silence I replied this: You made le laugh so much that day. I recall you being annoyed over a rice box shaped hole in your stomach…
Obviously, all these references are linked to sweet memories we shared together, situations we lived and only us know about.
Now: IF he responds, what would be my next move?
Should I ignore the text and move onto tomorrow for a reply, I mean would that do good? I don’t want to seem to keen, I want him to sit on the fence and wait for my reply as I always did for his.
Also: I don’t think that I should send the “jealousy”instigating text, mainly because we don’t work nor live nearby each other and would sound stupid. And also because I feel is far too early for that. So… what my 3rd text could be??
Thanks for your support and advice, you are amazing guys!
admin
October 16, 2013 at 2:08 am
I like your plan actually.
It amazes me how in-depth women think about things.
Desperate
October 15, 2013 at 8:09 am
I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years now and we casually had our break ups every now and then but the maximum time apart was 2 to 3 weeks, while he always used to take me back no matter what the issue was. This time I initiated the break up and asked for no contact from that day onwards… as I wanted to move on and I felt like I wasn’t getting much attention from him anymore. after my breakup I realised it wasn’t him who had changed, it was me, I was just acting too desperate and needed a lot of attention as I was going through a difficult phase of my life. 3 weeks passed and I was regretting the breakup, no contact from him. I texted and said I had realised I was wrong, and that I was expecting some sort of communication from him to at least see how I was. he replied it was my decision to break up and he respected that, but it wasn’t a joke to leave and come back everytime, and that he had moved on and is looking for a new relationship. I became very desperate and contacted him more and more at which point he stopped texting back. I thought the NC rule would drive him more far thinking I have made up my mind and do not need him around anymore, I WANT HIM BACK 🙁 he replies to my normal texts about random things but he doesn’t reply when I talk about the relationship at all. I know if I see him I can fix it all and remind him of our good days together…. but I don’t know how to ask him to see me ? Plz help 🙁
admin
October 16, 2013 at 2:00 am
So, you don’t want to do a NC rule? Is that what you are saying. Sorry I got a bit confused.
Joy
October 15, 2013 at 6:50 am
Oh, I forgot to add that the times he texted, I did respond in a formal/cordial manner. I just didn’t think ignoring him altogether was a polite thing to do.
Thanks for your advice in advance!
admin
October 16, 2013 at 1:54 am
I think that is ok as long as you sensed he was going to get really really upset.
Joy
October 15, 2013 at 6:45 am
Hi, Chris. Thank you for your website. It’s both helpful and entertaining.
My boyfriend and I broke up about two months ago, on mutual terms. Although it hurt, I worked on moving on with my life right after our breakup, and the recovery process was going pretty well.
Then, about a month into not having any communication, he contacted me via email and text, asking about my family and sharing about what’s been going on his life. Twice he initiated contact. I don’t get the sense that he’s trying to get me back or anything, but it does get me curious and confused.
Is he just being selfish and contacting me to see how I am doing? How should I respond to this the next time it happens? What if.. I am having second thoughts about our breakup?
admin
October 16, 2013 at 1:54 am
It sounds like he missed you and wanted to check up on you to me.
Joy
October 17, 2013 at 6:37 am
Thanks for sharing your thought. So, if I want to know how he feels about me still, how can I go about asking this, if he contacts me again in the future? I guess I am not sure myself to approach him or anything as of now, but if he does initiate contact again, what’s my next step? Thanks again! You guys are really great at this… Haha 😛
admin
October 17, 2013 at 6:30 pm
Maybe you can drop subtle hints that will make him talk about it.
Lorena Vergara
October 14, 2013 at 10:33 pm
Hi,
My Story started almost 3 Years Ago i met my ex bf online and met in person when we met in person the attraction was just not there at all, he persisted in seeing him and well somehow after 3 months of him insisting even after i left him alone getting a dui went to look for me right after getting out of jail….from there on i slowly but surely fell for him we fell in Love A Love that i had never experienced before neither did he (so he says) We had fun together Loved Being with Eachother I gained a good amount of weight and well lets just say our activities went down a lot and well things started getting rocky any lil fight i would leave without talking or working it our i would break up with him all the time tellng him leave me alone and find yourself someone else in the moment of anger….he would call me non stop to talk and well i think he got tired of it….He started going out with his friends and drinking with his friends and well started liking the single life i guess and well when we tried to work things out again and it just didnt seem the same i guess we just jumped right in and well my attitude didnt help i was highly hormonal i can say and well liked to drink also so u can imagine 2 drunk people yeah problem sooooo i broke up with him this last time for a lil over 2 months no contact Ive tried dating & I Simply dont see myself with anyone else I Love Him Soo Much but i Know in a sense its my fault for not being mature and talking out our problems instead of blowing up every single time and saying its over I Understand now that A Man gets Fed Up I Texed him and well I saw him last Night A moment of impulse Im A very Stubborn & Prideful Person as so is he So Maybe my Pride and Stubbornes Ruined Us well when he saw me He Hugged Me We talked the Most Normal Conversation Hows Your Family Your Friends Whats New and Have you been Seeing Anyone…. Ect We Locked Eyes Various times At This Point I Had lost Weight I Was 187 Pounds when we broke up and now Im 154 So he was Impressed by my weight We Had a Moment and he Grabbed my Hand and Pushed Me Against His Body and I had him Face to Face After 2 Months He Looked me in the eyes and asked me “Did You Miss me” Obviously I said Yes and i asked him the same question and he said what do you think he said yes and kissed me like he hadnt kissed me in a long time and well We were Intimate I was the Happiest Woman on this Earth I Felt on Cloud Nine I thought to myself I Love this Man with All My Heart….Next Morning when he got in the Shower I Saw All my Stuff i had left at His House Some Clothes in his Closed Shoes Sandals even my Eyelash Glue was all Visible I Though He Still Loves Me:) or Y Would he have all my stuff laying around This is the Person That said He was going to Marry Me Gave me A promise Ring wanted to have a child but i was the one that wanted to wait…After He Got out the Shower I asked Him What did you feel when u saw me?…He said what do u mean i told him i mean are u still attracted to me do you still have feelings for me he said you know i will always love you no matter what… But i just dont want to go back to the way we were fighting all the time and well breaking up…leaving breaking up fighting I cant just see you for 2 months and you come back outta no where and expect me to feel the same for you i mean i wanna give it a try but lets do it slow start as friends and see what happens i dont want to jump back to lets just get back together cause obviously that didnt work….I Love him that much im willing to be patient and start over cause i love him that much but really how much time can he really need to know yeah he wants to be together or not I Looked for him cause im the one that ended things and well i remembered he won me over and didnt give up on me and now i think of it as well y cant i do the same i feel i have matured and see things differently but how do u know its too late? Ahhh I Feel so lost HELP! They say you work hard fr what you really want and Im Going to try I Just dont wanna look back and say What Could of Been If Maybe i would have tried harder?
admin
October 16, 2013 at 1:21 am
Whoa!
That story was all over the place.
Pretty cool about the weight loss stuff! Have you tried any type of NC yet?
Need That Spark Back
October 14, 2013 at 9:21 pm
It has only been a few days since our “BREAK” not neccessarily our break up. I was clingy and needy and pushed him away… He said he is still in love with me and knows I am the one. He still wants to be with me. But he just wants to regain that spark again. I’m already starting to see a change in my actions so what do I say to him to get that spark back? Or do I contact him at all? Please help me.
P.s. we are both 18.
admin
October 15, 2013 at 2:34 am
Getting the spark back should be about creating experiences worth remembering.
Need That Spark Back
October 16, 2013 at 1:50 pm
How do I do that when he doesn’t text me, talk to me, or for that matter, see me? I don’t want to seem pushy but I don’t understand how he can get that spark back if we have no contact at all….?
admin
October 17, 2013 at 2:31 am
Yea, just go back into NC for a while and then come up with a more compelling text next time around.
Amanda
October 14, 2013 at 5:48 pm
I started dating this guy at the end of May, and to me it was pretty serious. We spent all our free time together, and in the beginning of July, he asked to move in with me in September when I got my new place. I agreed and we were super happy. In August, I found out he’d been cheating on me the entire time with his ex. That was when he decided to tell me he didn’t want anything serious. I toughed it out for another month trying an open relationship, but we fought and argued a lot, and the last week we were together he got very cold and distant towards me, stopped having sex with me, and basically treated me like a teddy bear because he only wanted me around at night to cuddle with. I finally had enough and ended it. I did go a little crazy and call and text him a lot wanting to come back but he refused. We pretty much argued off and on for 4 weeks and I eventually did stop talking to him for a week. One night I gave him a call and he answered and told me he couldn’t see me at all because he was seeing someone new and wanted to try being serious and committed to her, but assured me that I wasn’t a rebound and that he did still like and care about me and he couldn’t be serious with me because it was “bad timing”. Naturally, I was hurt and angry and let him know. His ex before me got upset that he cut her out too and slashed his tires one night. He got really mad and blames the both of us for it, even though I didn’t do it. I do really miss him and want him back. Would the 30 day NC rule work here even though he pretty much hates me now for thinking I slashed his tires? Do I even have a shot with this guy anymore?
admin
October 15, 2013 at 2:29 am
Slashing tires… hmmm…. he thinks you slashed his tires.
Maybe if you make it clear to him that you did not slash his tires and then go into NC you might have a shot.
Amanda
October 15, 2013 at 5:45 am
I’ve told him many times it wasn’t me but he doesn’t believe it. He thinks I’m trouble like his other ex and says the further away we are from him, the better. I’m just heartbroken that he could never commit to me but can immediately commit to this new girl. And I’m upset he hates me for something I didn’t do. I want him back so badly.
admin
October 16, 2013 at 1:48 am
Well, at this point just go NC for a while and be as classy as possible.
Claudia
October 13, 2013 at 11:06 pm
My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months then he broke up with me.. We didn’t talk for at least a month then he texted me telling me how much it sucks not talking to me everyday and tells me guess we can give it another try. I was extremely happy because you figure were back together right? But then he texts me the next day saying “you know were not back together right? Jus friends.” This was 2 months ago. We have been texting but it feel like I am the only one even trying to make it work and get back together.. He short texts me, and if I don’t text him I feel like there would never even be a conversation. I text him good morning and good night if I don’t id never get one back.. He hasn’t called me sweetheart.. Told me I’m beautiful or anything anymore. Not that I look for that but it’s just somethin he always use to do.. So it’s been about 4 months of this short texting showing no emotion towards me what so ever.. I love him more than words could ever describe, I’ve never felt like this for a guy before.. Can you please help?
admin
October 15, 2013 at 1:34 am
Have you tried any form of NC yet?
Isabel
October 13, 2013 at 5:14 pm
How long should I wait before I text him again when I ran into him in person?
admin
October 13, 2013 at 10:50 pm
A few days (3)
Jules
October 13, 2013 at 2:41 pm
My situation is a little different because we’ve been broken up for about two years. However, we remained close, talk pretty often, and even hook up once in a while. He was the one who ended things with me, because he felt we were getting too serious, and he was too young and afraid. We are older and more mature now, and I’ve always held on to some hope of us rekindling. I’m always afraid to take the plunge though. How do I go about initiating this? I honestly believe he is the guy for me.
admin
October 13, 2013 at 10:47 pm
Hmm… check out this page before anything else: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-guide-to-getting-him-back-after-a-year-or-more-apart/
GRACEY
October 13, 2013 at 10:53 am
Hey 🙂
So my boyfriend broke up with me like a week ago he told everyone he broke up with me cause he felt bad for me . But when I ask him why ? He said because his life is football and I get it cause he’s in the USA football team but I think he broke up with me cause I didn’t kiss him at school that day . And now all I wanna do is talk to him get him up cause we only went out go for a week and 5 days . But I found out he like this other girl too but I really like him and I miss him nd all I want to do is talk to him . PLEASE HELP
admin
October 13, 2013 at 10:38 pm
When was the last time you talked to him?
Sara
October 12, 2013 at 7:47 pm
Met a guy b4 2 months ,had a great time bt he was nt ready to commit asked for time n all bt finally said he is nt ready for relationship..I stopped sleeping wd him,he offered friendship ,I said no .later I missed him ,I intiate conversation ,he was angry wd me coz v go in same gym n whenever I met him I never Siaid hi or bye coz I was angry coz he took me for granted ,he thought coz I love him so I wl never leave him.well when I messaged him he replied me bt told he met some1 new n he want to Gv a shot there..I was shocked coz all happened in just 10 days.i think he is just trying to hurt me or lying to me so v chatted through messages whole night he was continue replying n. Next 2 days also I sent him messages where I told him how much I love him n y I was angry we him bt he said he met somebody n can’t happen now n v end up without any bitterness..I told him my best wishes r wd u.so he replied every single message which is gvg me hope that he still likes me n he didn’t meet anybody…bt now I don’t want to message him. I want him to miss me n come back to me…you think if I apply no contact then he will come back.n iin anger he told me that he deleted my no.which I don’t think so he did..coz if he was so upset n didn’t like my at all y he was chatting wd me n responding my long messages all night..!!?i want him back ,if I apply NC will he come back to me n what if he doesn’t coz he has a huge ego pro.too…
admin
October 13, 2013 at 8:47 pm
I can’t guarantee anything but I will say that NC can increase your chances by a lot.
Crystal
October 12, 2013 at 12:51 pm
Hi, i broke up with her last 2 mths, for the first two weeks, i start message terrorism. Then she told me that she want a clean break up and don’t want to contact me again. So i told her i respect her decision and i went NC for 1 mth. So after a mth, i contacted her without acting desperate but wish her dad Happy Birthday cos it is her dad birthday. She didnt reply and blocked my number at Whatsapp. So i IMessage her and saying that i know she don’t want me to contact her but i just want to wish her dad happy birthday and i did tell her that im leaving the doors open. So i went NC again for 3 weeks now. Should i message her again? I really want her back. 🙁 help please.
admin
October 13, 2013 at 8:37 pm
Wait one more week. Make it four weeks.
Sally
October 10, 2013 at 10:40 pm
What if I was completely psycho, texting him every second, even showing up at his house. Whenever I did pull back a little I could tell he missed me and he would start calling me (even after I was psycho and calling a million times days prior) well he started ignoring me again and I went crazy again. Calling and calling and even showed up. He told me to never contact him again that it’s over and I need to get over it and that I’m crazy. He said he will contact me in a month if I don’t bother him anymore. Will nc work here? Should I start the NC over again when he calls in a month? Help. I really messed it up. I was crazy.
admin
October 11, 2013 at 5:59 pm
Hahah well you certainly didn’t do yourself any favors by being “psycho.” Honestly, I think you should extend the NC and not pick up when he calls (if he calls.) Do things on your terms and not his.
Sally
October 10, 2013 at 10:45 pm
Also, we were together for almost 2 years and were very very close. The breakup happened two weeks ago exactly. The first week was me begging and pleadings. The beginning of this week we were hanging out again and he was calling me. Until he ignored me and I went absolutely insane called a thousand times and he said never call again I’ll call you in a month. Even threatened a restraining order. There’s no hope is there.
admin
October 11, 2013 at 6:05 pm
I think you really really need to go into NC for like 3 months if you were really coming off that crazy?
Jamie
October 9, 2013 at 2:46 pm
I was friends with benefits with someone and it was heavy. We fell for each other and started behaving like we were in a relationship for the past few months. Seeing each other all of the time, going on dates, even was about to start leaving clothes at my house. When my friend noticed I would get fed up and want to let things go and move on she’d come chasing after me. And we’d be right back in the swing of things. Later she started seeing someone else because she got threatened by my ex. But We still linked up on very rare occasion but things are just so distant between us now and I really miss the bond we had. Will this NC rule work for this situation or is there some other tactic to use to get back the relationship. I know we still care for each other and there are still some feelings involved but if the person has somebody else, how would this NC rule help ?
admin
October 10, 2013 at 1:32 am
Yes it will work in a couple of ways. It will let the dust settle, give YOU time to get in the right mindset and potentially drive your ex crazy.
Sarah
October 9, 2013 at 3:05 am
when you say don’t talk to your ex for 30 days then he will wonder why you haven’t texted she probably moved on? But then the guy will assume you’ve moved on and then he will move on also??
admin
October 10, 2013 at 12:30 am
Usually that never happens. Especially if you had a deep connection with the person.
Admin
October 8, 2013 at 10:59 pm
Me and my ex have broken up for a good four months now we hadn’t talked in a while and I just decided to go follow him on twitter again, he followed me back and I noticed one of his tweets was an inside joke about us. I texted him about it and we started talking and flirting for the next two days, then he sub tweeted saying something’s feel like they never changed and I asked him what that means if it’s about us and he was like yes and he told me when we first broke up he was not sure if he made the right decision but now he sees I’m happy and he knows he has and I responded saying I’m glad he’s happy as well and I’m glad we can be friends bc I have missed talking to you. He never responded…. Mind you he is talking to another girl. I really miss him though and would love to try a second chance at our relationship. I’ve been trying some of these tips on here and texted him today a picture of something I found that we used to laugh at but again my text was ignored. I’m kind of lost and don’t know what to do. He seemed so flirtatious and like he missed me the other day so now I’m just lost. I also just recently moved out of state for college and this is a huge reason why we broke up in the first place.
admin
October 9, 2013 at 2:24 am
He is giving you mixed signals huh?
Have you read the LDR if you moved out of state?