Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2,742 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

bellisima

August 31, 2013 at 4:41 pm

Hey Chris. Does the rule of 30 days also works for a long distance relationship???
Im just asking myself if in my case he could forget about me snd starts to dating other girl?

admin

September 1, 2013 at 4:38 am

I think it can. I really do. Especially if the two of you were in constant contact.

bellisima

August 31, 2013 at 4:36 pm

Hey Chris!
Love your webside!
My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship for over 2 years now. He’s been broking up with me already 2 times because of me becomming to clingy or overly emotional or just making a lot if drama out of nothing! Though, I used to change for a while after we met for the first time in real. But now after some month of a real good good and harmony time I got back to my old bad habbits until he couldn’t rake it anymore and just broke up with me even though he told me that he still loves me but since hes hitting the college now, he wont have enough time for me and hes sure I wont be able to handle it since im not even readyy for it. Because im already flipping out even now while we have more time. That was 2 weeks ago. After the break up he still talked to me and called me…but unfortunately I misinterpreted his actions and I again bombed him by writing tooo too much messeges letting him know im gonna make things better now, supporting him without any drama but my nice messeges convolut was jyst too much for him and he told me that too. He let me know that I shouldn’t text him until he texts me first. Wow now after 6 days nothing anymore :'(. Of course as desperate ad I was, I started to text him again and again. Omg he doesn’t even read it! Im soooo desperate and sad and I believe he lost the vision for us to get back together cuz now he seen what he was awared of! Yes I know! :'( He hits the college since monday and since then no more calls and no more responding to my texting! Ehat do I do now? Im afraid that because of the enormous long distance between us he may forget about me or gets to fall in love with any other nice girl at school! Just to add: 2 weeks ago he wanted to marry me 🙁
Please help me!!!!!!!!!!

admin

September 1, 2013 at 4:37 am

What fantastic timing.

On Monday I plan on having an EPIC post finished. Specifically tailored towards people in LDR. So, if you are just a little patient most of your questions will be answered there!

For now, you might want to check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

Princess

August 29, 2013 at 3:07 pm

Hey Chris,
I broke up with my boyfriend of 9 months (we’ve known eachother for 5 yrs and have dated on and off for 4) because he was having a relationship with a girl on FB in another country which he is planning on visiting this December. I know it sounds crazy because he has not physically had sex with her, but I know he was planning to because when I asked to accompany him on the trip before I found out about the relationship he went into a hissy fit.
Broke my heart because while we are in a committed relationship he really has not identified me as the one and in my opinion has given me every excuse in the book to stall the relationship from going to an engagement status. He did call me to “explain” but I didn’t buy it. The girl used his picture as her profile picture as introducing him to her friends as her boy friend. He claims she used the picture without his permission but I saw he liked it and calls her baby. The same thing he calls me. This was last week. I decided to do the NC thing but caved and texted him today asking him to tell me the truth. What did he do? You got it. He snapped at me and told me we are not together anymore I should move on and let him be. Ouch…. So I said ok.
So yes I started the NC rule all over again today. Did I over react? I don’t think I did because the girl is still his friend and his picture is still up on her page not as her profile picture but its there. I asked him why he liked the picture if she used it without his permission (that was the text I sent him this morning) then he barked at me 🙁 sigh. I want him back…

admin

August 29, 2013 at 6:01 pm

For now I think you are right to be doing NC.
Princess

August 30, 2013 at 1:53 am

I just bought your book. I’m on page 22 and I can’t stop laughing. “Big boned” lol. Thank God I am hot! I workout 6 days a week and really watch my diet. So I got that. Let me continue reading…lol
admin

August 31, 2013 at 2:01 am

Hahaha yea “big boned!”

And of course your hot (your alias is Princess) any girl with that alias HAS to be hot!
Princess

September 3, 2013 at 11:24 am

🙂
Princess

August 29, 2013 at 6:43 pm

I love your site. You are awesome.
admin

August 31, 2013 at 1:46 am

No, YOU are awesome!
Princess

August 29, 2013 at 3:12 pm

Let me add that the relationship was a good one. We were best friends and shared everything together. The only argument we had was when I talked about moving the relationship forward. When I broke up with him he said a few things that really made me feel bad. He said I have been trying to manipulate him into marrying me and he always felt like his life was under siege. That’s when I took a step back and told him I am sorry he felt that way and while I broke up with him because of the Fab incident I also needed robe fair to myself. Marriage is important to me and of he isn’t ready he isn’t. So I took the stand of leaving yet again to seek the kind of relationship I want. But I miss him so much! Ugh!

Lacey

August 28, 2013 at 7:47 pm

Hey Chris,
I’ve been talking to this guy for about 3 months now, there’s no “title”. Things got a little intense too fast, we had our ups and downs,but everything was still moving smooth. It wasn’t until I notice, every time I wanted to go out or do something, he always made an excuse or just wanted to chill in the house. So, I began to feel that he wasn’t taking me serious, especially because we are 11 years apart. I began to question myself, am I the one he really wants to b with? Nevertheless, to make the story short, I went out with an old friend just to get away and clear my mind, but the unthinkable happen, we had SEX! A week later, my partner of 3 months found out about it, I could see the hurt in his eyes n hear it in his voice. Although we weren’t together, it’s hard for him to forget the situation, because he says that we’ were working toward something and I messed that up, which makes me feel like the bad guy. I guess the saying is true, ” they never really miss u til your dead or your gone” . And I miss those nights of cuddling in the bed watching movies, I miss his smile, his smell, our good laughs, everything. As you can see Chris I got it bad, like usher lol. I tried giving him space, but I always find myself calling, wanting to hear his voice, wanting to know how he’s feeling, what did he eat? He answers his calls n talk to me but it’s not the same, he even says I lost my privileges of staying overnight, but I’m allowed to still come over, little confusing, don’t you think? I just want to know how can I get him back, or should I just move on n find someone in my own age bracket. Any suggestions? Thoughts? Ideas?

admin

August 29, 2013 at 4:09 am

Do you think maybe you are suffocating him right now and he wants space?

Krista

August 28, 2013 at 12:21 am

Hey Chris,

My boyfriend of multiple years broke up with me a few days ago with no warning or explanation. He is truly one of the most attentive and loving people but was extremely cruel throughout the breakup. He said things like he’s been lying to me about telling me how much he cares and that he no longer is in love with me.

I was obviously devastated because I truly believe that we are meant to be together. I have inklings that what he said during the breakup isn’t entirely true and that he said most of it because he wanted to make me angry aka. make it easier for me to move on.

Unfortunately I spent two days texting him how much I love him and how much I will change to be better. I have since discontinued this, wrote him a letter saying that I accept his decision and that I think time apart will be really good for both of us. He texted me in response to the letter saying “you really have to consider the possibility of a future without me”. I did not respond to this as I’ve decided to work on the NC rule for a month. Yesterday he texted me asking how I was and I responded “Hey, I got your message. I’m doing fine. I’ll get in touch with you soon” and I don’t plan on saying anything else. Is this bad to have texted him?

I’m scared because we had a really difficult summer and things were just starting to get better when he ended everything. I honestly don’t think he knew why he broke up with me just that he wasn’t happy. I know that this time is good for both of us to find who we are. I’m just really scared of being rejected by him at the end of this as we’ve had one of the strongest relationships that I’ve ever known. Do you have any advice?

Thanks!!!

admin

August 28, 2013 at 4:21 am

Krista, Hahaha I actually love what you did. That isn’t too bad I may steal that text from you.

So, you are doing NC. The key for NC (in my mind) is that you really have to improve yourself during that time. What are you doing for that?

Also, if you want more in-depth instrucitons I would check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
Krista

August 28, 2013 at 11:53 am

First off I haven’t contacted him since that text and haven’t heard anything from him in return.

I plan on spending the next month really trying to make myself happy by focusing on classes and my health, etc.

I was planning on calling him up in about a month and asking him to meet me for coffee. I don’t want to discuss our issues, I just want to see if there is anything left on his part that we can salvage. Do you recommend texting him first before I ask to meet with him?
admin

August 29, 2013 at 3:41 am

Yea, I do recommend texting to kind of “lead up” to seeing him in person. Kinda feel him out.

Oh, and if you are looking for more complete steps on how to do this you can check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

Kitty

August 25, 2013 at 4:23 pm

hi admin:)

so recently i broke up with my boyfriend because he quit texting as much and wouldn’t come around anymore. i think maybe he got bored of me but at the beginning of our relationship he was all over me. i seriously love him and i want him back . I’ve already texted him twice since i bRokE up with him. what would be the best way to do this and if it.works keep him from getting bored again? and i don’t want to beer or sound conceited but people tell me I’m hot all the time so what could i have done wrong?
p.s is that all relationships are, games?

admin

August 27, 2013 at 4:32 am

Not all relationships are games (the best ones aren’t.) However, the beginning of them (like attracting women/men) is all a game. That goes for reattracting them as well.

You definitely want to go NC and DO NOT BREAK IT!

P.S. call me Chris.

Rose

August 25, 2013 at 12:41 pm

Hi,
I really need some help. I was seeing this guy for 7 months and we broke up 5 months ago. It was his decision. I wasn’t happy that he was in contact with other women and when Id come into the room, he’d hide his phone. I thought I was nagging at him all the time. He then broke it off with me. We had a big argument and I went NC for 2 weeks. He wold contact me saying that he misses me. He did tell me that he wanted me to be part of his life.I contacted him back and since then we have been in touch on and off.

A couple of months back, I asked for him back and he told me that too much has happened between us, due to us arguing all the time. Since then, Ive not asked for him back.

Recently, I told him that I’m talking to someone and we were to go out on a date. The night I was on the date with this new man, my ex rang me to see if I was with the new guy and how it was going. He was angry that Id gone. I know hes been dating other women too. Everytime one of us is dating someone else, we end up arguing with each other and then don’t talk for a couple of days.

The last few texts to each other were very bad. We were very nasty to one another. Again over the fact of us seeing other people. recently, I sent him a text once things had calmed down saying that we need to understand why we argue when other people get involved in our lives. And that I’m leaving it to him for him to decide what he wants. If he wants me in his life then we need to stop the arguing and better ourselves. To which I got a response saying, OK.

I love my ex very much and want him back. I miss him so much and don’t know what to do. Ive tried the no contact. Ive tried the jealous texting by letting him know that im out dating again but that ends up us arguing. What should I do?

Any assistance would be helpful.

Thank you in advance. 🙂

admin

August 27, 2013 at 3:12 am

How do your texting conversations usually go?
Rose

August 27, 2013 at 9:13 am

Normally we’ll have a banter and texts are frequent. Since his last response, ive not contacted him back. I was thinking of texting him something from your first contact examples?
admin

August 28, 2013 at 3:28 am

Go for it, give it a try.
Rose

August 25, 2013 at 12:51 pm

Sorry, also at point after us arguing… a few days back, we decided not to be in contact at all and said our good byes. The next day, he then send me a text saying, its all good, I now know how you feel. I then told him that he wanted me to move on which im doing. The following day, he sends me another text saying, good girl… maybe speak another time. The next day, I texted saying, maybe. in which I got a response saying, whose this? I told him its me and he told me that he’d deleted my number because he was bored with me moaning and us arguing. that’s when I texted him saying that he needs to decide if he wants us to be part of each others lifes and if so, we need to pass the arguing and work on bettering ourselves. To which his response was ok. Ive note texted him back as yet…

Jeanette

August 24, 2013 at 10:17 pm

I dated this guy briefly. Things got intense quickly. I did everything wrong. I pushed and was to honest. He stopped contact. I did everything wrong. I sent all the wrong text and acted like a text. Terrorist. We got in a fight once. He said never to text him again and blocked me from his FB. I waited 30 days and used Michael fiords text your ex back plan. I sent 4 accross the bow texts in a matter of a couple of months. Got no response. Finally gave up. Sent him a final message told him I understood how he felt, why he felt that way, I owned what I did, wished him the best, told him I had no hard feeling, and that I was glad to have met him. I said good bye and let go. It sucked cause I really liked him. This was 3 weeks again. I have since deleted all his contact info and started talking to someone else. Well he sent me a text at 2 in the morning. It said “your asleep” “I’m about to be asleep from the drink I drank.” I figured he was drunk or meant it for someone else. I didnt respond. What do you think?

admin

August 27, 2013 at 2:57 am

He must have been drunk and kinda missing you a little bit.

confused

August 24, 2013 at 6:06 pm

so what happens if he contacts me after both of us have been mad at each other, and there has been a serious cold war. but he’s dating someone else. and i love him enough to never forget his number

admin

August 25, 2013 at 11:48 pm

Well, then he contacts you hahaha.

Masha

August 24, 2013 at 11:05 am

Hi chris,
I would really appreciate your help with my complicated situation.

I have been with my ex for 8 years and two years on and off. The story is so long i will not get into that so much. Basically we had 8 absolutely wonderful years but the last two was not at all good. We started out when I was 21 and by the time I was 28 I wanted to seek an adventure and move and work in Australia, basically he followed my dream and it drove us apart.

When we got back, things were not the same, but we tried for two years on and off but it just got worst and worst. He lasts for at most 4 months and then he acts weird and leaves me.

The situation seems hopeless now because he is together with a new girl for two months now. He wanted me first in the picture but as I explained my love for him and that I could not handle him being with another girl he agreed for not having contact for a while.

I so love him, I hate myself for ruining what we had and I truly want him.

When I ask him if he still have that kind of love for me, he never says no. He will say “I don’t know” or “I am happy with her” or “I tried making it work”

OMG there is so much baggage, Is it to much for a guy to handle? Do you think he would want to come back to that? would getting him back ever work?

Please help

admin

August 25, 2013 at 11:34 pm

I am thinking that this new girl is something new and right now that appeals to him. Does she show any rebound signs? You are doing good in NC keep that up. Having a deep history with an ex is an advantage I believe.

You might want to check out Ex Bf Recovery PRO, the ebook as that can give you a lot of great advice. Just email me if you find the price is an issue and I will make it affordable for you and your budget!
Masha

August 26, 2013 at 3:40 pm

Hi Chris!

I really do believe that this new girl is something new and therefor appealing. But knowing him there is a big chance she is not a rebound. There is maybe 20% chance she is a rebound.

You are so helpful Chris, and thank you for the discount offer, so nice of you but I would be happy paining the small amount you are asking for it.

Again thank you so much
admin

August 27, 2013 at 3:53 am

If you need anything you can contact me here or email me. I will be happy to help you!
Masha

September 8, 2013 at 6:25 pm

Hi again,

I have bought your ebook and I read it and found it very helpful.

It has now passed over 30 days of no contact (and he has a new girlfriend for a couple of months now)

The thing is, I have really tried to move on, but I just keep missing him so much. I know he is the one for me.

But as I mentioned before, our on and off relationship for the past year was draining for both him and I.
The truth is, I am scared going in, and I think if I contact him he will feel scared as well. We both decided we need to not contact each other for the hope in the future to have contact again. He also mentioned that he will be happy if I met someone.

Do you think sometimes the 30 day NC is too soon? What if I wait to long and he falls more in love with the new girl?
Is is to my disadvantage to wait to long, you mentioned that it took you a year to get over a person, maybe he is still to emotional and confused?

Wow, this stuff is not easy, I don´t want to mess up his life if he is happy, but how will I know?

Thank you
M.
admin

September 9, 2013 at 7:13 pm

Well, I think that NC in your case is good more for you because it can kind of force you to slow down and get your feelings in order.

I am a little confused by your question. Did you mean to say that you want to extend NC or did you think it was too short and harmful?

Sorry for that.
Masha

August 27, 2013 at 9:18 am

Hi Chris!
I just want to ask this:
He is starting now to befriend her friends on Facebook, that is an indication of their relationship evolving, right? And could not be a rebound because more people are getting involved?

Thank you
admin

August 28, 2013 at 3:21 am

It may be, maybe her friends sent HIM the request and he didn’t want to seem rude.
Masha

August 24, 2013 at 11:06 am

And I am now in my third week of NC.

Melody

August 24, 2013 at 10:50 am

Hi Chris, Thank you for wrote this site.

This is my story, I broke up w/ my ex on 30 may 2013. We’ve been in a relationship for 4,5years. We’re planning to engage and getting married soon. 2months before broke up, He changes. He is not calling me often or ask me out like usual. Because He changes, I asked him, why you like this? He said he bored w/ me. Actually at the same moment, I bored w/ him too, but i still want this relationship. But he doesn’t want to fight back for our relationship, so I got mad. We’ve broke up and I told him that I don’t want to meet him anymore. After that He cried like a baby, He said he just tired of his job and wait for me until I quit from this office.
at the situation, I was thinking “Why he wants to quit from his job?”. The Job is good enough to build our future together. at the night after break up, He still call me to comfort me.
on 31 may2013, he started to reply me w/ 1 word. than i got angry again, so I said I will delete him from my life. I was confuse why he suddenly extremely changed. I asked him do you like another girl? he is not reply me at all. until i text him a lot. than He call me at 1 June 2013 on 1am. What do u want to know?
I asked him, why you’ve changed? will you have another girl friend? He said, everyone have to move on. and bla bla bla.
at the morning I text him with a nice words, but He replied ” for the good of both of us, do not find me until I find u” (What???? why he doing this)
so I give his time for 4days. I came to his house without telling him and I’ve got shock. He already have a new girl friend who I always suspicious, his office friend. this bitch knowing about our relationship and know me. so my ex trying to explain to me,he borrow money from this bitch but he likes her too. he borrow money for buying an apartment that we choose together and he explain why he replied me like that on 31may /1june because that bitch at his side. I’m so Mad and I can’t control my self, so I called his mom and telling what I saw. at the night he called me, asking what did I told to her mom? and trying to explain again about the bitch. I Lose control for a month (June), I still text him, sent him a lunch at his office.
He said to me “don’t text him”
HOW I CAN DO THAT? in the end He is angry to me and ignoring me. maybe he block my number. after that, I do no contact him. but I still calling his mother, they live in different city. and I never text him/call him again. but when he going home (his mother house) he knows that i still thinking of him by reading my message to his mom. before he back to his city, he called me from his mother phone. (after 25days NC to him, but for 9 days he knows that i still contact with his mother) He said to me that we still friends, but I don’t want you looking for me when I still in this relationship. but he said “He have no feeling anymore for me”.
I’m not contact him again until a weeks from the phone. I text him that I still love him and waiting for him (My bad, suddenly I can’t hold it) He replied me “Against the rule”. So I made a deal with him, he will contact me when they are broke up. as long as, I do not Find him.
after that I’m not contact him again until now, I starting over, now my 7 days. and I decrease contact w/ his mother. I think whats makes me strong that I don’t know anything about him anymore.

Honestly, I still want him back. after this situation, Is he will come back? (almost 3 months we’ve break up)

actually he told me, he block my number with an application, he explain he didn’t read my message but he got report that I text him. why he still explain that?
is he playing at me?

Thank u Chris

admin

August 25, 2013 at 11:29 pm

Is there any other way you can contact him like Facebook or through Email? Just wondering in case your number is actually blocked.

Stay in NC and try to let the drama settle down some!

Really focus on YOU during this time.
Melody

August 26, 2013 at 4:03 am

I can text him with another number. but I don’t want to do that at this moment. Yes, maybe I can contact him at facebook, but I don’t know he will read my message or not. When I in a relationship with him, He do not often checking his facebook. but after we broke up, he likes to sending a gift card birthday to his friends. very unusual.

about email, I just know he is checking his office email. Maybe he will delete my email when my name appears at his inbox.

Thank you Chris for helping, I stay in NC.
admin

August 27, 2013 at 3:23 am

The backup number is good to have I guess, the email thing though might be worth a try.
Melody

September 21, 2013 at 2:44 pm

HI Christ,
I have completed my 30 day of NC,
and I text him.
but He didn’t reply me.
Should I text him again later? when?

is he really move on from me, because of the drama in the earlier breakup?
admin

September 21, 2013 at 11:24 pm

Ok, deep breath deep breath.

Two things I want you to do here.

1. You need to wait a week before you reach out again.

2. You need to come up with a more interesting text (grab my E-Book for ideas.)
Melody

August 29, 2013 at 2:27 pm

It’s hard, especially when I missed him 🙁 I want to text or call him but I commit not to do that! I really want him back. it’s almost 3 months we not meet each other. I’ve lost weight 20 pounds, It’s nice 🙂 I’m trying to busy but when I’m going to bed or wake up in the morning, I still thinking of him.
admin

August 29, 2013 at 5:57 pm

Lost 20 lbs! That is fantastic.
Melody

August 28, 2013 at 4:00 pm

Thank you again Chris,
Ya I’ve read your rebound page. just to make sure that is true.:D -NC 11.
admin

August 29, 2013 at 3:54 am

Haha NC day 11 how did it go?
Melody

August 27, 2013 at 4:38 pm

Thanks a lot Chris.

Chris, do you think my ex in rebound relationship?
or he is really bored w/ me?
or he is sick with his financial problem and this chick can give him a solution?
admin

August 28, 2013 at 3:32 am

Youve read the rebound page right?

I don’t think he is bored with you.

Tee

August 24, 2013 at 3:08 am

Hi, I have followed the no contact rule completely, now what?
A little background; I was in a relationship one and a half years the relationship last long distance prior to our one and half years we had a break six months and we found our way back to each other, once we found our way back to each other I was always already living out-of-state. We talked about getting married well, I talked about getting married and moving back to his state so we can live together. After the first year we set a date and for some reason he decided to make make excuses. Six months after the date I got tired of long distance. I express to him that I was moving in in a few weeks. He kind of rejected the idea at first but said that we would work it out. The next day we got into a huge argument. The day before the argument id mention a few things because I was in town and it seemed he had no time for me. The next day I was ready to leave and somehow we got into a huge argument. We said some things we may have not should’ve said. Once I returned to my town I decided that I didn’t want to have anything to do with him because he was having problems with commitment. A few days maybe week later I received an email from him telling me happy birthday. I did not respond. Three days later I received an anonymous phone calls back to back in the wee hours in the morning. I did not answer. Then crickets. It’s been maybe two complete months and we have not spoken. A week ago I did send an email sending password to one of his accounts that I had I never received a response. Now I’m curious in which way to go. Should I try to contact him? The reason I’m hesitant is because I always told him that we broke up again that we would stay apart.

admin

August 25, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Also, you might want to check out my E-Book
admin

August 25, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Have you read the rest of this page after the NC rule?
Tee

August 25, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Yes I have. Should I still contact him even if I refused his calls
admin

August 25, 2013 at 11:44 pm

You should but only after NC.

Xena

August 23, 2013 at 10:11 pm

Hello Chris! I really need some good advice. I miss my ex terribly. We were so happy together, then slowly things started to fall apart. We were living together and he wanted to get a bigger place. With the way things were going, I recommended that he just get his own place again with his son, I would keep my place with my daughter, and we could continue to date and see how things go. With the way the relationship was going, I did not feel comfortable getting a whole new place together. I wanted to do that when the time was right, which did not feel right yet. He FREAKED OUT! He completely lost it about how I was just trying to break up nicely, it was a lack of commitment on my part, etc. Anyway, the arguments got pretty heated and I reached my limit and lost it! I totally went off on him which I really do regret. He did move out, we had made plans on him doing this while I would be at work so I would not have to see him, which he did. When he was done moving his stuff out, he sent me a text that said, “I am out of your life forever. Please do not text me, call me, email me, or any way shape or form contact me ever again.” I obviously did not respond. We have not spoken since. We have been in complete No Contact for 46 days now. It has been just plain awful. It still does not feel real, even though I know it is. I love him so much. I really wanted to save us, that is why I had even recommended us having our own places again so it would not have come to this, but it still did. I guess what is really hurting me so bad is that he really meant what he said. I have no idea if I will ever hear from again and that thought breaks my heart even more. I do want to respect his wishes, as well as respect myself, but I also do not want to make anymore mistakes and possibly lose him forever if there is anything that could have been done to reconcile. What should I do?

admin

August 25, 2013 at 6:55 pm

Have you tried to reach out to him recently?
Xena

September 5, 2013 at 3:51 pm

Hello Chris!

The only contact I made, was almost 2 weeks ago. I had gone out drinking with some friends, got home, was a little sad, and of course my sadness was enhanced since I had a few drinks. I ended up sending him a link to the YouTube video of “The Reason.” In my subconscious I felt I was doing it for me, since it had already been awhile since the breakup had taken place and I somehow wanted to let him know I was sorry. The next day though, I immediately regretted it. Anyway, he never responded. Nothing since then.
admin

September 6, 2013 at 2:20 am

Shoot I lost the context of our conversation. I can’t seem to find what we were talking about before haha. Help a brotha out?

angel

August 22, 2013 at 6:36 am

hi there, loved your article…..im in desperate need……my ex and i met about a year and a half ago….it was instant attraction and amazing chemistry, emotional and physical….i am bi polar….i told him that from the get go……and during theprocess of our relationship i went off my meds…..i guess i felt really good and didnt need them anymore….i didnt tell him i went off them, cause i just thought i was “cured”…as most bi polar ppl feel when they are not in an episode….anyways….we moved in together and slowly my illness crept in…..the depression part….ppl confuse a bi polar depression with something that happened that is sad…when actually all episodes are about triggers…anyways i started pushing him away….being distant….drinking and acting stupid….i was in this depression for months util finally he broke up with me….that pretty much triggered me out….i got back on my meds and have ben better for the most part…..we lived together for the first 3 months of the break up cause we didnt want my kids to be uprooted in the middle of the school year…..ooooh man that was rocky….i had to watch him go out with “friends”…listen to his phone go off alll the time and saw a few textes where hes flirting with chics…..and i got jealous….i never been jealous before……i did everything wrong….i begged…pleaded….put my heart out there….cried….texted him non stop….would call him constantly while he was out…..would try and check his text messages…..etc etc etc……he says he cares about me and that hes in a bad space right now…..he said he feels numb…..he says he never did anything with these girls physcally except he kissed one girl after a date but he was drunk….i believe him cause hes never been a liar about anything…..well two weeks ago i still havent found a place of my own and im here at his house…..weve been sleeping together occasionally….but hes still distant and he wont kiss me at all…not even during sex,,,,he says kissing is more intimate than having sex…which ive always believed as well….i crazy love him….and i dont mean bi polar cazy lol….im back in school (in my late thirties)…..i quit drinking….ive been religiously on mu meds….im moving out in two weeks and i wanted to know….is it to late for us…. have i caused to much damage? i know hes the one….our destiny was written….and i still harbor so much guilt for getting sick……i hate my illness….but this has also opened my eyes to educating myself on it…ive always known i was bi polar and id go on and off my meds….but i never really knew the extent of the illness and the impact it can have on others close to you…..ive really screwed this one up…..it hurts being in love with someone who doesnt love you anymore…..anyways i please welcome any advice

admin

August 23, 2013 at 6:19 pm

Hi Angel, have you started your NC period?

psychoexgirlfriend

August 22, 2013 at 12:15 am

Ok. Are you ready for the most painfully challenging situation yet? Warning: I am utterly pathetic, a little insane, & very aware of both of these qualities. The only thing is–I was never either of these before I was an ex-girlfriend. Read on if you dare…

I simply refuse to accept that my relationship is over. It has been about 2 years (!!) since I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. I still think of him almost every single day, I still dream of him every single night. I know that I am totally in love with this guy & I really think that he is the one for me. I have dated 5-10 guys since we broke up, with one relationship lasting almost a year. No one else just seems to cut it; no one else seems to get me in the same way, to make me happy like he did (and trust me, I am trying very hard to let them!)

I’m a little hesitant to add to much detail to our story because I don’t want someone I know to run across this post and know that it was me who wrote it (embarrassing to admit that I am this pathetic). Anyways…story short, he was relocated for a job on the other side of the country. Before he left, I tried to break it off on good terms (to be reunited later on) but he wasn’t having it, he wouldn’t let me go. So we tried to stay together. Long distance sucked, & he cheated on me (with a much less attractive person, I may add…believing he was a cheater out of desperate horniness). So, I know what he did to me was shitty, but I still want him back. I made up my mind.

What have I tried so far? Oh my. Oh my. What haven’t I tried so far? I am so far in in the wrong direction…hoping that there is still some time to pull myself out. I was a chronic texter who received no reply (understatement…I basically had bipolar conversations with myself), then when that didn’t work, we decided to still be friends and talk on the phone. Not once has he ever called me. I used to call him about once every 3 months. Finally, he told me that this is the same thing over and over again, that we don’t talk for 3 months, then I call, & somehow we always get on the subject of why we aren’t together or if we think we may be together again. It is really tiring.

So then, I ran into him at a function. He told me that he was “talking” to another chick, but that he still loves me & part of his heart will always be mine. Hm. We kissed. I find out later, I am fairly certain he was actually dating this girl (because it seems like she already had plans to go visit him at this time—please don’t ask how I know that. I told you, utterly pathetic. You don’t even want to know). I know deep down he still wants me, but why is he dating this other chick? She must be really cool I guess, cause she’s not as pretty as me (not to be vein, just painting the honest picture here), and she doesn’t seem to have as much in common with him. He and I are literally like the same person. OK, and I hate losing, I should probably mention that. Super competitive psycho over here.

So basically, I know that he doesn’t like me because I am too eager & have been acting quasi-psycho towards him since we broke up (i.e. getting mad he never calls me even though we aren’t dating anymore, texting him like a needy attention whore, etc.) I have been doing ALL of the wrong things. Is there ANY way I can still get on the right track?!

I think I should mention here that I have had one hell of a year other than this relationship…and he knows that. He doesn’t know all of the details, but a lot of traumatic things have happened to me (again, not saying specifics because I would like to remain anonymous…but let’s go towards the equivalent of being diagnosed with a challenging disease, having someone attempt to rape you, & having your parents get divorced all at the same time). I’m not making excuses. I know that I have been crazy & pathetic towards him & that I shouldn’t let other obstacles in my life to allow me to deflect on him. I know this. I am just giving you some background.

Anyways, after our last talk, I begged him to please block my phone number. I know I shouldn’t talk to him, but I have no self control. So now that is where we are at. I am utterly crazy, and you may even argue that I am foolish. But hey, aren’t we all kind of idiots when we are in love? Shouldn’t you not stop working for something if it’s all you think about every single day?

So here is my new game plan: do nothing. Try not to think of him, don’t contact him in anyway, don’t keep in contact with his friends, don’t reply to his family. X him out of my life for more than 3 months at a time. Maybe he will be relieved, maybe he will be heartbroken. Who knows. I think he will be relieved…but I want him to be heartbroken. I want him to come crawling back more than anything in the world. I know he wont last with this girl at the moment (crazy how you get this omnipotent ex-girlfriend judgement that allows you to know who you really have to be worried about stealing your man & who you are happy that they are with your ex because that means he is still stealable…)–but here I go, being crazy again!

So I am going to stick to the current plan. I am going to keep dating around. Maybe the next guy will be prince charming. But maybe he wont. And if he’s not, and my ex becomes single again, can I please have some advice on what my next move would be if it comes to that situation? I want to be prepared.

And if you can answer this one, bravo, you really are the ex-boyfriend recovery master, cause I am one crazy chick.

XoXo

admin

August 22, 2013 at 4:02 am

It is rare that I laugh at a comment anymore but I am so glad I read the first words of yours (Ok. Are you ready for the most painfully challenging situation yet?) b/c they made me laugh.

Do nothing is probably the smartest thing you can do at this point I think. You have literally done everything in the book so doing nothing is really the best way to go.

Tay

August 21, 2013 at 11:30 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me after a little over 2 years. This just happened on Aug. 18, 2013. I was emotionally unstable for the past few days, but I finally got some of my act together. I still can’t eat very much at all. I told him a couple weeks ago that I didn’t feel a spark anymore, but what I meant by that was I was feeling deeper feelings. I felt like our relationship was just starting to mature. But I never told him that until he was breaking up with me. I told him I wrote this long thing explaining my feelings and told me to text him that later. Yesterday I was so tempted to text him, but I’ve read everywhere about the NC rule. I also don’t know when he wants his stuff back.

The reason why he said he broke up with me was to make himself happy. Which hurt a lot, since I thought I made him happy. I kept telling myself for about a month that I loved him more than he loved me. But he told me he loved me a couple days before the break up when we went on a “break”. Another reason why I think he broke up with me is because I’m going to college in a week for the first time, and I think he got scared and didn’t want me to find someone else and break up with him first. He’s 2 years older than me and went to college for a semester and almost broke it off with me then.. Which was jan.-may. But we stayed together through that. He also gave me a promise ring for my birthday a couple months ago.. I took that off. There’s so much stuff I want to tell him that happened in my life, but I am trying to stay with the NC rule.

His cousin and I are close and I told her everything, after he told her some details. She said he was confused also, but said that there are plenty of fish in the sea. But I believe that he is still the fish for me.. He told my dad a couple months ago that I was the one for sure.. I need advise on what to do.

He even said a couple months ago that he could never break up with me because his family loved me too much.. Now they probably hate me.. Help! Please.

admin

August 22, 2013 at 2:56 am

They don’t hate you. How could they hate you? They probably hate him for breaking up with you.

Ok, well stay in NC (I talk about this extensively in Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.) It isn’t the act of doing NC that will cause you to get him back it is what you do during that time. Make sure you evolve and look to better yourself. When the time comes to text him after NC just realize that it will take some time for this to work. Be patient.
Tay

August 21, 2013 at 12:25 pm

Also, he bought us tickets to go to my first concert on sept. 10.. And I bought my outfit and everything, and I still want to go so bad.. I need help with this too.
admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:02 am

Ill take your tickets! No jk jk.

What concert? Who is playing?

Des

August 20, 2013 at 1:23 am

Hi, Chris…

I was hoping that you could provide some advice. Eight days ago, my ex contacted me after having disappeared on me for 4 days (and me immediately implementing NC) and asked for his stuff back from my place. He had texted me the request while still being up from partying the night before. I told him that I was going out for a bit that day, but I would let him know when I was back home (probably late afternoon). He responded that he would be at a bar then and it was probably better if he came when I wasn’t home anyway. Mind you, I still have no idea what went wrong or why he stopped talking to me. I told him that he’s not someone I recognize right now and I don’t feel comfortable with him roaming around my house without me there. Fast forward about 6 hours to about 5:30 pm, and I texted him like I said I would and told him that I don’t feel comfortable with him coming to my house and I’ll drop his stuff off at his parents’ house. I told him “I had a fun time with you this summer. Sorry it didn’t work out. :-)”. After which, he freaked out. He texted me non-stop and said not to bring his parents or family into this and he already told his dad to call the cops if I come anywhere near his parents’ house for stalking and harassment (mind you, this was the first time since he stopped contacting me 4 days before that I initiated any contact with him). He then sent another text saying we could meet somewhere in public the next day after he got off work so I could give him his stuff. Then he texted “Am I clear?” I ignored all of them, but 20 minutes later he sent a text threatening to tell my ex husband and father of my kids unfavorable things about me. I know he was just partying and up for 2 days straight and that threat was empty. But my neighbors happened to be over at my house and they saw all of his texts, and they were getting pissed. Then, my ex called on the phone (which he has never done before…texting being his preferred method of contact) and my neighbor (a guy who my ex doesn’t know) answered the phone. My ex asked for me and was civil but clearly under the influence. He asked where I was, said maybe we’d see each other out that night and said that he’d hit me up tomorrow to get his stuff. I said ok and that was it. Well, after that, my nieghbor decided to call my ex back from my phone and leave a voicemail and told him that threatening to tell my ex husband anything was inappropriate and he understands that it sucks when things don’t work out but to take it like a man or there will be a problem. Since then…8 days ago…my ex hasn’t contacted me to get his stuff. Let me just say that he isn’t one at all to back down or shy away from a fight, so I don’t think my neighbor scared him or anything. My neighbor also unfriended him from my Facebook when he had my phone (which actually pissed me off because I wanted to use Facebook as a way to make my ex jealous via your instructions on this site).
My question for you, Chris, is this…should I use NC even if my ex thinks that I’m really pissed off and may even despise him? I’m sure that once he sobered up and realized that he had threatened to bring my ex husband and kids into this, he realized what an ass he was. He loves my kids and knows that their father is awful and he has even been a better father to my kids than their own father has. He would never want for them to be with him. I have no doubt that my ex is ashamed, regretful and embarrassed by what he said, so I don’t know if NC is actually a great idea here because him being ashamed may make him not want to contact me anyway. What do you think? Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thank you!

admin

August 20, 2013 at 5:02 am

I still think you should use NC. Remember after NC it will be YOU who reaches out to HIM!
Des

August 20, 2013 at 2:10 pm

Thank you! I appreciate the feedback. 🙂
admin

August 21, 2013 at 4:34 am

No problem, if you need anything else don’t hesitate.

Artemis

August 19, 2013 at 9:56 pm

Hey – I just figured out that probably one of the reasons my boyfriend wanted out of our 2.5 year relationship when he said he had always wanted to marry me was because he felt like he wasn’t sexually desired. Our in-person sex life was fine, but he also wanted me to send him sexy texts and that sort of thing and I felt a little smothered by it. Anyway, he broke up with me and I am trying to form a game plan to get him back. I handled the breakup pretty well after day 1 (no emotional talking, only logistics). I’ve been going through the site and i think a lot of these text messages are great ideas. However, I realized today that if I send him a sexy message, ie, “I’m at home wishing you were …xxx yeah xxx. Funny how you miss something when you don’t have it!”
He LOVED this kind of thing. I know it would totally throw him for a loop if I did it. Even up to the day we broke up he thought I was the hottest thing since sliced bread. I just don’t know when to implement that kind of thing? After NC, obv, but before or after the more memory/goodtime based texts.
Also, does text your ex back say anything about this? I feel like this might be the single biggest way to change his mind about me.
Any advice?

admin

August 20, 2013 at 4:54 am

I am coming out with an ebook this week that will do a killer job of describing how to implement text messages. It will be a lot cheaper than TXB and if you email me when it comes out I will give you a discount! So, my answer to your question I guess is wait a little bit and get the ebook it will have all the answers in there.

Sorry for going in promotion mode.

Short Answer:

First contact text,

Wait a while (couple of days)

Remembering texts (etc etc.)

Kinda hard to explain but I do a great job in the ebook hahaha.
Artemis

August 20, 2013 at 12:14 pm

Sounds good and thanks for the response. When is the ebook due out?
admin

August 21, 2013 at 4:21 am

Hahahah it is due out in a couple of days. I am trying to make a sales page (but it is ugly as sin.) Oh well, I am doing the best I can.

Chelsea

August 18, 2013 at 11:51 pm

I’ve found your website to be incredibly helpful! I haven’t actually implemented any of the text-your-ex-back strategies yet, but I was wondering if I would have a fighting chance considering my circumstances. My ex and I go to college together. Right after we broke up, we stayed in close touch. I texted him incessantly to explain my feelings and he told me he would always be there to help me through these hard times. But then he stopped responding and just distanced himself from me. He’d told me that he was hurting and wanted to remain friends but nothing more. We were friendly and spent a lot of time together until one month after the break up, things started to get serious again and he asked to be left alone. We texted and talked a couple of times after that, but I then chose to ignore his very last text. That was 32 days ago now. Now, I want to text him, but did I already mess up by initiating the no-contact period too late? Thank you for your perspective and advice!

admin

August 19, 2013 at 4:11 am

It seems to me you already did your NC period. And yes I think you have a chance. That doesn’t guarantee your success though I want you to understand that.
Chelsea

August 20, 2013 at 6:03 am

OK, I followed step 1 of your outline for getting my ex back and texted him something pleasant and reminiscent of our past relationship. He positively responded, but it was short and generic (i.e., “thank you”). I’m not sure if he’s being polite or is really feeling good about my contacting him after 32 days of NC. Anyway, the next step is to keep reminding him of the good times, which I intend to do. BUT, the only issue I have is, when we broke off completely, he angrily told me that he didn’t want to lead me on anymore. He said that he didn’t love me like the way I loved him. I know, though, based on the way he treated me, that he cared deeply for me and wanted to make things work. I actually broke up with him because I felt that he wasn’t expressing his feelings enough for me to feel secured. How do I address this issue?
admin

August 21, 2013 at 4:07 am

First off, you want a more engaged response than thank you. I would wait a while before you try the remember the good times text.

Before you send your text though engage him in a conversation a little bit. You want it to seem natural and not forced. Kinda test the waters out first.

kelly

August 18, 2013 at 10:20 pm

Hi,
I need help on how to recover from texting after the breakup. My bf and I were together for 9 months and broke up recently. We were absolutely crazy about each other, both going through divorces, but were certain we were meant to be together. The last six weeks of the relationship was stressful because I learned he was still in contact with his wife on a level that was no longer truthful, meaning he was still explaining himself to her as to why he left the marriage. He was consumed with guilt, I applied more pressure because of my shock and it pushed us apart. I never thought it would end. The feelings were far and above. We were different in that I am a strong, independent woman with a killer career. He is an artist, but worked in a technical job because he felt responsible to provide for his parents as they got older. Our passion was amazing; physically and emotionally. Things ended when he started slowly pulling away, and I could see his stress, guilt, and confusion. Once we broke up, his reasons were that he “buckled under too many stress points. His outright fear of me, guilt and trauma over leaving his wife (whom I am certain he was absolutely not in love or attracted to and hadn’t been for over 7 years, but he married at a justice of the peace anyway because he had accepted this was his life and would feel too guilty for leaving her after 9 years, but he finally left the marriage), my mom just diagnosed with cancer, just got to be too much”. He took him a long time to absolutely, finally break it off. He went back to his wife after she pressured him to go to counseling before deciding on divorce. I was SHOCKED. He agreed to “give counseling an honest shot in order to better explain why I got married”

Frankly, I’m surprised. I never expected this. To the point of being shocked, I texted him afterwards but in a very supportive way – glad you finally came to a conclusin that will help guilt, etc., etc”. We texted back a forth for the past 2 weeks (I more than he) with my latest text being “are you sure you are making the right decision?”

Finally my question…I am mad at myself for not cutting it off, as you advise. Instead, I affirmed my love for him, supported, and had bouts of anger. How in the world do I recover from the texting to get him to realize he made a mistake? I know he will miss our relationship.

Thanks for the long winded story and I look forward to your response.
K

admin

August 19, 2013 at 4:01 am

I am used to long winded stories. Yup, I am writing a post on all the mistakes I can think of that women can make during a breakup (and their quick fixes)

Sounds like NC is your best bet here.

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