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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
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Post categories
Nicole
July 11, 2016 at 9:08 am
Hello 🙂 I’m really confused with my situation me and my ex dated for 4 years .We had a great relationship but 5 months ago we broke up.I broke up with him without thinking that he was going to take it serious I begged for him back and ofcourse it didn’t work .My ex even through out the break always promised to be there for me which he has but about a month ago i contacted him n he told me he doesn’t love me anymore .After that i was broken n did the no contact rule for 45 days .He never contacted me so I reached out about a week ago and it went great he txted me like he was enticed to hear from me .so I txt him 2 days later and I get no reply.All my friends live close to him so I call him to see if he was willing to see me and he agreed .When we saw each other it was like as if we were bestfriend even though I could tell he was trying to avoid looking at me I asked him if he missed me and he said yes we hugged many times n it was very emotional but when I asked him why he didn’t reply to my txt messages he told me that everytime I contact him he gets annoyed and angry because he gets reminded of the bad things and he looks very emotional talking about our relationship .He keeps telling me that he wants to be alone and focus on himself because with me if really hard for him to put himself first .He keeps telling me that hes always busy but I know his lying because we both share Netflix accounts and all he does is watch my favorite shows .understand I hurt him but never to the extend for him to act like this I was extremely loyal and I really care for him but we broke up because the last months of our relationship I put myself firsts and my friends because my ex didn’t want to do anything like go out and have fun .I really want to talk to him but I’m scared to push him away even more and I’m scared that time is going by .help me please I’m very confused
Nicole
July 13, 2016 at 9:19 pm
Yes ,I’ve been doing new things trying to improve myself I just don’t understand why he gets annoyed if I txt him when I don’t even contact him every week I just don’t know what do about this situation ,should I leave him alone for another month or txt him once in a while
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 14, 2016 at 5:57 pm
it can either mean he sees you as the old you and it’s not safe to be friends with you yet or he’s just not ready to talk yet.. so, yeah I think it’s better if you give it another month
Nicole
July 12, 2016 at 11:15 pm
Well I didn’t spoke to him at all for 45 days ,what activities do you mean ? Im not sure whether to txt him or leave him alone I haven’t talked to him since the last time I saw him
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 13, 2016 at 4:44 pm
working out, going to the gum, joining a class, meeting and going out with new friends, meeting old friends and relatives, having a makeover, having a sport..
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 12, 2016 at 12:21 pm
hi Nicole,
how are active were you in nc and did you continue the activities after nc? because it looks like he still sees the old you
Susan Dell
July 11, 2016 at 6:58 am
Email from ex after 6 months of NC:
“I hope this finds you well. I’ve wanted to peek my head out and say
something to you for quite some time now, but I’ve always been
terrified of the thought. You told me I would reach out to you, and
that was a big reason I why I didn’t until now. But it is a silly
reason, and I just would feel better if I sent you a line or two. I
don’t have any expectations for this or hope to achieve anything
really. Best case I hear back from you, and worse case nothing happens
and I just waste my breathe. At least I now I’ll feel better knowing
I’ve said what I’ve had to say, and hopefully you will too.
I hope you understand why things happened the way they did and don’t
hate me for them. The situation had become toxic and something needed
to be done. And every time I think about it, I feel the same way, it
was the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life. But it needed to be
done, for the both of us. And I was right too, you know. I knew then
what I still know now, that I will never love anyone again. It will
never happen. And I told you that, I told you I would never have again
what we had. But things were bad, and I hope we’ve both learned a lot
about ourselves and about each other since then.
I do wish things happened differently. I really do hope you take the
time to read this, and think about all I’ve said, and not dismiss it.
That’s all I ask of you. I don’t know exactly where you are in your
life now, and if you’d rather not bring this up again, I understand.
Just know that I always think of you, and still feel you very much a
part of me. Your venom still courses my veins, just as it did when I
wrote that poem for you.”
Are these just breadcrumbs? I am left confused by the end of the letter because, for one, he says he didn’t reach out to me because I told him all of the guys who have left me have returned but, as the email implies, he is not returning to reconcile anything with me or work things out, he is just reaffirming what he’s said all along as we were headed towards our breakup. The stuff he said at the end made me furious because he it was so unnecessary especially because the gist of the email was coming from a selfish place–where he needed to absolve guilt for dumping me. I don’t know…that’s how I interpret it. Also, I could tell from all of the breaks in his sentences in the email compared to his reply to mine that he had written the letter in a different program and copied & pasted it into the inbox.
This was my reply back to him a day later:
“I agree that the breakup was for the better. I’m in a better place right now and hopefully you are too. Take care.”
and this was his reply 10 min later:
His reply:
“I’m very happy to hear you’re in a better place. Hope things stay that way. As for me, well there’s the good and there’s the bad. Take care of yourself as well. I’m glad to have heard back from you.”
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 12, 2016 at 11:27 am
Hi Susan,
yeah it looks like he is feeling guilty and wanting to reconnect, do uou?
Pam
July 10, 2016 at 10:43 am
******I used my real name in error on the initial post please don’t approve that one !!!******
His initial contact with me is angry. Trying to make me feel like it is all my fault and sending angry texts demanding I come over. I genuinely am pretty turned off by his recent behaviour but I know if he moves on it will hurt. But I’m not caving to his angry rude texts. So then I get a Go F*** myself text (twice). And a promise I won’t hear from him again. There’s no way I am caving on this childish behaviour. Why would I go to his place when he demands it angrily? If he wants to make up why doesn’t he drop the anger? It’s been over a week since the fight and breakup. I apologized for my part the next day (I really got told off then. .. you’re a f***ing bitch burn in hell). Burn in hell!! Really? I’m supposed to believe this person cares? Lol.
Pam
July 11, 2016 at 1:53 am
I haven’t contacted at all. He initiates. I do answer because usually things blow over. But he is livid this time and never let’s it go. And his anger is not proportional to what I did at all. I can’t figure out if he is really hurt that we are apart or if he is complete sociopath who is just angry to have lost control. I haven’t said one mean word. Haven’t lost my temper. Just one word responses. Then I get told off again. Like speaking abusivEly to me is supposed to be him looking to reconcile? I don’t get it. At all. He needs to grow up and learn how to communicate like a grown ass man. I have no problem doing no contact I am pretty turned off. I miss our happy times but it all seems fake now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 10, 2016 at 8:56 pm
Hi Pam,
it’s deleted..why did you break up and do you mean you just did one week nc or you didn’t do it?
Hershey
July 9, 2016 at 6:25 pm
Hi, so my bf and I broke up 4 days ago. He just told me he is done with our relationship. We used to be together everyday until 2 weeks ago he went to the other country which is far away from me and then we used to videochat until he became distant and told me he just wanna hang-out with his friends. He even told me I am disturbing him and I annoyed him and told me that instead of enjoying his vacation, he was on his phone talking to me. I begged him to come back and kept texting him and calling him and he said it annoys him. Until i found this site. I stopped texting him though we text everyday with casual talks. I just stopped and then he kept texting me even though i am just giving him a “seen” sign on facebook. Is it possible that we could be together again even if he insist that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? Maybe he just got pressured because this is the first time that we are far from each other..
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 10, 2016 at 4:31 pm
HI Hershey,
I think he got annoyed because he wants to fun first,just during his stay there and you’re not letting him miss you.. but yes, I think you have a chance if you take this time to be busy and to go out more with your friends too..
Marie
July 9, 2016 at 5:09 pm
So it all started when my ex stopped talking to me because I was too clingy and so after about a week or so he talked to my friend (let’s call her melanie) and told her that it was over and came up with ridiculous excuses for what he did. after that i didn’t try to contact him and whenever I posted something on social media the next day he would do the same. it’s like he thought that every single thing I post is meant for him. after that I decided to start the no contact rule, but after about a week I ran into him in the street and he looked at me intensely as if he wanted to talk to me or was expecting a reaction from me, I didn’t do anything and kept walking. that night he waited till I was online on facebook and texted me saying “happy holiday” like nothing’s happened and of course I ignored the message. Now about a month has passed and I didn’t post anything on social media since then and neither did he, but the moment I changed my instagram description (which only the ones that check my instagram page can see) he posted 2 pictures with girls and started being super active on social media like facebook etc… I still didn’t show any reaction or interest in what he was doing. 2 days later he texted that my friend melanie and told her “are you still in contact with stephany ?” – “who’s stephany?” – “my ex” – “I don’t know any girl named stephany, I only know your ex marie” – “oh yeah sorry I meant marie” – “that trick is kinda old you know?” – “what trick?” – “nothing and no I didn’t see her for about a month”.
and that’s where the conversation stops with no reply from him. Now what I want to know is if those are the “anger signs” that are mentioned in this article and if he still didn’t move on.. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 9, 2016 at 6:50 pm
Hi Marie,
not really angry.. it looks like he has a big ego.. and he doesn’t like looking defeated..
Karen
July 3, 2016 at 10:27 am
Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We met at a 6 months study in the country, where we, and 90 other people, lived, ate and studied together. So we had litterally been together everyday, for 6 months. We got together a week in. He broke up with me 1 and a half week before the last day, and I was devastated. He kept saying that he thought it was a really difficult decision, though he could never actually give me a complete reason of why he wanted to break up. He was all “what do you want me to say?” – every time I asked him, and mostly seemed like he was afraid to talk to me, or even touch me. Cause he just acted so COLD. He treated me like crap, and didn’t know how to act anymore. He either ignored me, or got angry with me, when we spoke, even though HE was the one who broke up! And then the worst thing, which irritates me, and makes me so sad! Is that he didn’t hang out with any of his usual friends. He EXCLUSIVELY hung out with a girl, who he knows I always felt weird about his “friendship” too. Cause when they were together, she would just sit and bitch, and cause he is so sweet, he would nod, and agree. Manipulative girl. She is kind of similar to myself in some ways (tall, strong-willed), but not kind! An angry, doubled-standard, self righteous, bitch, who you only talk to, if you have something or someone to bitch about! But I saw them every f.. day, walking around together, LAUGHING, and eeeevery evening, the two of them watched movies together!! So I asked him if there was anything going on, and he promised me that they were only friends, and we had another argument, beacuse I said I missed talking to him, and just wanted to give him a hug, but he got angry, WTF? he got angry?? jesus… And then a couple of night later she slept at his room! And he is NOT the type who likes that, he doesn’t get intimate with anyone! he is very introvert, and thinks everything through, and I have been the ONLY one, aaaal semester, doing anything with him in his room! He has never even brought a friend with him, to talk or nothing before! And I was so sad, and thought they had been cudling, or worse, all night, and got so angry! But he said nothing happened. And his roomie said they slept far apart all night. But then WHY not tell her to go to her own bed? what is the point? Jesus! its not like she lives more than 10 feet away… And I was sad all over again. Why was he acting so cold, when neither of us have never been so close to another human being being before? how can he just bluntly throw me away like that? How can he not be sad? And how can he tell me, only 5 days later, that he is already ‘over me’ while shrugging like a puppy? And when I tried to talk to him about anything real, he just gets angry and bitchy. Never seen him like this before! Didn’t even know he had it in him! I don’t know who this person is, and it is frightening to think I have been so close to someone like that! Please help me understand his mind. Cause it is confusing. He says he is happy about the solution, but keeps acting sad! (guess thats why he’s angry..?) but then why cut me out totally? And not tell me “the truth” ? And how can he suddenly care so little about me, that he just ignores me, and hangs out exlusively with another woman. Acting like he doesn’t think I would mind.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2016 at 6:59 pm
Hi karen,
You said he broke up with you 1 and a half week before the last day, do you live far from each other?
Ashley
June 24, 2016 at 1:42 pm
I’m lost as to what to do here. A breakup has always been on my terms, and I’ve always felt on-off again relationships were stupid. But four days ago, my boyfriend of 10 months broke it off with me, telling me he “felt no passion in our relationship.” We are both young, I’m 17 and he’s 16. But throughout the course of our relationship we’d talk about our future together, living together, marriage, children, everything. We even exchanged promise rings (We’re mostly long distance but I went to visit him occasionally.) I love him so much and I thought he loved me, but he seems to be doing fine without me. I’m trying to establish NC but he’ll invite me to play games, or get in a Skype call with our mutual friends, and he’ll try to talk to me (even though I don’t respond most of the time) and all I want is a chance for us to start over, and do it right, but I fear that every time we talk, that chance becomes smaller and smaller. And even then, if we stop talking, wouldn’t he just go on his way, and forget about me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 7:46 am
Hi Ashley,
I think you need to read these articles first to understand what to do:
The ungettable girl
Does having your own life help you get your ex back?
Tiphy
June 24, 2016 at 4:30 am
I dated this guy for more than two years. Two weeks ago, I broke up with him because lately he had been changing a lot. He was under a lot of stress and taking it out on me. So, the day I broke up with him, he had to go to a wedding and I asked him if he could send a message once he was back. He answered badly and told me I was controlling him, maybe because of his stressful situations. But, he had never had problems sending a message before, and now when i ask for one he decides im controlling him. However, I couldn’t take it anymore and I broke up with him. Since that day he hasnt talked to me. He wouldnt even answer a good morning when I greeted him at work. I talked to him trying to fix things but he said that because i told him to walk away and because i broke up with him, i shouldnt talk to him, and he reacted sooo badly. Later, he blocked me on whatsapp. I blocked him too. He doesnt have FB so whatsapp was the only way we could commumicate.
This would be my 3rd day of no contact because i wanted to fix things but he is just so mad that he wants me away.
Dont know if he still wants to be with me or if its really over.
I wish I could ask him bout his decisiom but im trying to stick to no comtact. My heart tells me it is really over and that I should not think of getting back together, which makes me even sadder
What else could I do? Is there hope?
Tiphy
September 1, 2016 at 2:34 pm
Thanks! Ive already read them all. He acted as a jerk haha
Today, he had called 5 times before I answered and he apologized for his behavior. I said thanks and we said goodbye. Im also blocked at WhatsApp. Anyway, Ive decided to keep the limited contact at work until the 45 days are completed.
Thanks for the support with the articles!
Tiphy
August 25, 2016 at 8:17 pm
Hello its been a month already since the last time i wrote… During no contact, he has tried to contact me saying that he missed me… However as we work together, i tried to keep things as limited as possible and he has been acting as if i were his enemy or sth. Yesterday, i wanted to give him a piece of bread cuz he said he had no food, but when i offered it he rejected it in a bad way and said horrible things to me like im fake and that he doesnt expect me to do things for him anymore or help him cuz ive changed (because of no contact i changed all the attention i used to give him) Ill continue with the limited contact, but i have to admit the way he treats me is so hurtful. He is prone to attack me whenever i say or do sth. Dunno if he ever loved me or if he wants to come back with me but ill continue w my life. You should write an article like what to do when your ex boyfriend becomes really mean. Hahaha. Thanks for reading
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 29, 2016 at 3:01 pm
Hi Tiphy,
try this ones:
Podcast: How to deal with an angry ex boyfriend
Why Your Ex Boyfriend Acts Like A Jerk
What to do when an ex becomes vindictive
Tiphy
July 22, 2016 at 7:04 pm
So I met him yesterday to pick up what my aunt needed. It was smthg really heavy and he did not help at all. As I knew he wouldnt help, i talked to our colleague and he was willing to help me. When we met, he greeted our colleague but not me. I paid him for those things and that was it. I didnt go further. Should I do a 30-day or 60-day NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 23, 2016 at 9:20 am
try just 45 days
Tiphy
July 19, 2016 at 4:27 am
He called and I broke NC. He was very busy so we agreed on talking whenever he could, Till all of a sudden he told me we should stop talking on weekends because he needs time with his family and to do household chores. He has always spent time with his family, done his stuff, but found a way to keep in touch. So, i got really mad and told him to stop talking to me then. He has been on vacation since this last fight. He sent me a message after 3 days asking if he could go to the office or if i did the favor he had asked before the fight. I told him it was not necessary to come and that ill get in charge. He got angry and called me stupid and said to leave job and personal issues separated. It hurt his calling me ‘stupid’. I stopped talking again and other 3 days passed. He talked to me with another excuse today, a favor for my aunt so i had to reply. We talked and ended up fighting again. I’m meeting him on Thursday to get my aunt’s stuff. How can i ignore him if his messages cannot be ignored because they are related to job or to things needed to be done?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 20, 2016 at 3:10 pm
just talk about thise things only and don’t respond to anything else
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 7:31 am
Hi Tiphy,
YOu work together so you’re doing limited contact? are you actively improving yourself?
Brittney
June 23, 2016 at 6:32 pm
So I was in a almost 6 year relationship and my ex fiance cheated on me and we broke up November 2015. It was so hard for me and I was completely lost I saw everything from our phone records statement and even when he said he wasnt contacting these females he was. It was a side of him I had never seen before so when the new year hit I went cold turkey and stop contact all together. Well he continued to contact me and when i changed my number he contacted me through my email. It was like no matter what he found a way. Finally I broke in because I missed him and talked to him and gave him my new number. We talked and he would just send random texts and acting weird he asked me out and took me out to eat but I got mad at him because the second date he told me we couldn’t hang out because he didn’t have money but I felt he was lying. He did send me a screen shot of what he had in the bank but I just felt hurt. Then I got upset with him after that because I found out that one of the girls he cheated on me with he was staying over night with. I was like it felt like reliving the pain he put me through. So I changed my number again and my birthday came 6.16 him and i use to share a phone that he took with him after the breakup so he looked through that phone and contacted my mother and told her to wish me happy birthday. I thanked him and he asked me if he could have my new # and i gave it to him again because he said he wouldn’t just randomly send me messages and act normal like talk and stuff. Since then we have text each other and I asked him why he keeps contacting me and he said he made some mistakes and that Im like one of his best friends and that he miss talking to me. The other day he said he wanted to right his wrongs and that he lives with regrets and have had feelings of what ifs. I dont know what to think of all this I just am trying to accept friendship. I dont know
tori
June 21, 2016 at 11:48 pm
My ex and I dated for almost 5 months. Every relationship I have ever had before that didnt last for over a month because i was just not the type of girl to have a long term relationship, until i met him. he totally swept me off my feet and everything was going good till the last month. i am very self conscious about myself and he is a farmer so there were some days where he did not talk to me at all and i got very upset and it caused a lot of fights. this caused our breakup, we fought way too much. there was a point to where we put a stop to the fighting and everything was amazing but for only like two weeks. we spent every day together almost and every weekend. he was my best friend and i am so emotionally devastated. he wanted me to change how self conscious i was and kinda fix myself and i am doing that now. i have tried the NC rule but it broke because he texted me and asked me to come hangout while he was working. we hung out for three days in a row after that. then a couple more times. whenever we hangout he acts like we are dating. he puts his hand on my thigh and puts his arm around me and its so amazing but he tells me he does not know what he wants. he told me not to wait but i cant help but do so until he figures it out. he tells his brother (who tells me without him knowing) that we are probably going to get back together, and that he has hope for us, and that we are working on things, ect. but he doesnt tell me that. i constantly talk to him about it and he doesnt like to but i always make the mistake of talking about it. i am honestly more confused than i have ever been in my life. please help me 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 22, 2016 at 8:56 am
Hi Tori,
do you want to do active nc?
Tina
June 16, 2016 at 3:25 am
Me and my ex have been on and off again for the last 3 yrs. Our last break up he cheated on me. I didn’t find out till 4 months after the fact. I no they didn’t have sex cause I talked to the girl. He had asked her out but she said no she was in a happy relationship. I still left him anyway. We have gotten together and had sex more then once since our last break but our last encencounter after he got what he wanted he was a complete ass. I have been on the no contact for 8 days now. He is planning on moving away to a different state very soon. I’m just not sure when exactly. How am I supposed to do 30 days of no contact if I might not have 30 days left. I want him to stay and want me back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 11:05 am
Hi Tina,
I think you have to treat it as a ling distance relationship..because even if you get back together now, can he really just change his mind about moving?
Jennifer
June 14, 2016 at 4:39 pm
So my ex broke up with me a few months back. I did no contact for 3 months. I even went as far as unfriending and blocking him on Facebook. When he saw that I blocked him, he sent me a text asking me why. I told him that I needed to be done with him; I needed to not have any temptations and I definitely didn’t want to see him moving on so quickly and easily. He said it was petty, immature, just Facebook, but whatever… reach out when I wanted to be friends again. So I gave myself three months to “grieve” and then I was going to be done and move forward. Three months was up at the beginning of June. So I unblocked him on Facebook (stopped being so “petty” and “immature”) and moved on. Even when I unblocked him, I didn’t check out his profile; I merely unblocked him. A week later, he sends me an email telling me that he has blocked me on Facebook and that he think it best we both move on. Frankly, I wasn’t aware that he had blocked me. I said fine, whatever, I’m not going to beg him to unblock me on Facebook, despite him giving me crap for doing the same thing. Then yesterday, I find out that he joined Tinder a month ago. I’m not really asking for anything specific, but I sort of want to know your thoughts. I’m going to be honest, while I am against getting back together in the near future (not like that’s an option anyhow), I’m not necessarily closing the door for down the road. But he broke up with me, he made fun of me and how i needed to deal with things…. why does he JUST NOW appear to be dealing with our break up?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 5:43 pm
Hi Jennifer,
different people have different timelines on moving on, some even take years. So, maybe that’s his timeline on moving on.
Ana
June 13, 2016 at 9:34 am
Hello,
My ex and I have very recently broken up, we were together for a year- he called it off twice in past couple months, first time he called a week later saying he wanted to see me, second time I called him few days after asking to meet. This is 3rd time and it feels for real this time. He said he loves me, sex is great and likes spending time with me but he doesn’t think we would work living together. He got annoyed at me when I didn’t agree – I agreed we have both been bit stressed so been bit snapper with each other lately but I said I think relationship was worth working on. I know not to contact him but do you think I should forget any hope of him contacting me after what has been said?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 12:39 pm
Hi Ana,
nope.. it’s more likely that he just said that out of frustratiob
Irina
June 9, 2016 at 8:04 pm
I moved out of or home 3 weeks ago after a 15 year relationship. I didn’t leave because we did not love eachother, I left because he allowed his 20 year old son to do drugs in our home and allowed his son to disrespect me verbally. I came home after work to his son and friends doing them and knew it was just a matter of time that it would be the party place for him and his friends. I have 0 tolerance for drugs and they both know this. Instead of making him stop he told him to hide it!
My boyfriend has been texting me from morning until night. We see each other for short periods of time almost daily. I am still lost at what to do. I don’t foresee his son ever moving out so is it time just for me to move on and try the NC rule?
Kate
June 6, 2016 at 9:13 pm
Hi guys,
So my boyfriend and I were together about a year, we did long distance but saw each other almost every weekend. We traveled the world, he always said he’d never felt this way about a girl before and that he planned on being with me forever. I met his parents right away as well as all of his friends. He lost his job about 7 months ago as he let his boss know he was planning on moving to me. He didn’t move right away because of issues with the lease and all that. It has been a struggle ever since. He seemed to lose his ability for empathy or kindness really, and I became needier. We’ve been arguing a lot the last few months and it seemed to be getting worse. We even tried counseling to deal with the communication issues. Honestly, it just felt like it wouldn’t be ok again until he got a job and moved (I think he felt extremely emasculated and couldn’t handle what a normal relationship entails, like someone else’s needs). So cut to about 2 weeks ago and he threw a tantrum and left and didn’t come back for the weekend, hung out with friends, had girls around, etc. The whole time he said he wanted space to think about this, but I was too upset to really give it to him the whole time and would let him know how upset I was here and there throughout the weekend (fail, I know). After the weekend we got together and he basically said we aren’t match and he wish it would work but it’s not. This was days before my birthday and was devastating. While we were face to face I begged and pleaded for him to reconsider (fail again) and give it another chance. He refused. It’s now been about a week and I have not reached out at all and neither has he. He deleted me off some of his social media and is on a dating app now, he also has told some of his friends and family that we broke up. Is this something he will regret or come back around or is he done?
Thank you.
Kate
June 7, 2016 at 4:05 pm
Just an update, he wished me a happy birthday yesterday, I ignored him.
Elizabeth
May 31, 2016 at 12:29 pm
How does the no contact rule work if you have kids together?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 8:35 pm
Hi Elizabeth,
YOu’re going to do a limited contact. Remain civil and polite and only talk about the kids. No small talk about your feelings, relationships and each other. If he initiates, reply short and direct but polite.. Don’t be engaging.. Be busy in changing yourself and be out as much as you can.
shelly
May 30, 2016 at 7:41 am
Hello
My boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago now, since then I had insulted him, begged for him back, tried to ignore him. The relationship ended after 1 year because the last 1 and half months was just constant arguing. Noone cheated but i think I always got annoyed with him and dumped him first out of anger. after that first dupmp two week later of going out again he ended it completely. He says he made the right decision because he saw my vicsious side, and that a lift has been weighted off his shoulders. and he said he is out of energy to give us a second chance. I am devastated I have lost out on an amazing guy. It is all my fault for getting angry at him. What can i do despite the damage I have done since the break up?
he still cares about me and is going to visit me in about a week and half. Can I do anythign at all?
thank you
shelly
May 30, 2016 at 7:43 am
he is also very stubborn and keeps saying he is sticking to his decision
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 12:18 pm
Hi Shelly,
why is he visiting? Remain calm.. don’t be angry and be civil..of you can talk, talk.. apologize and then tell him, both of you need space to heal from everything.. and then do nc
Sam
May 23, 2016 at 4:06 pm
Hello,
My boyfriend of 4 years just broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Quick back story: My little sister passed away in October leaving my parents and I with her 2 beautiful babies. My father is slowly dying. My family is a wreck. I also am plagued by depression and deep anxiety. In January my boyfriends job became so stressful that he shut down at home and was not there for me. He wasn’t touching me, he was withdrawn, he spent all evening on the computer gaming with friends and I became very desperate and alone. So I was accepting attention anywhere I could get it because it was the only thing keeping me from the edge until my boyfriend and I finally talked and I laid it all out or him and he swore that we were going to be fine and he will be there for me. I immediately cut off any attention from anyone else. He had apparently gone through my phone and saw I was talking to an ex-friend of his that I dated a while back whose little sister nannies my newly orphaned niece and nephew and that I had gone out with my friends to a bar and didn’t tell him. So he said he was no longer comfortable in the relationship, will not talk about anything, and said it is over but he “still loves me to pieces and can’t imagine his life without me”. (We broke up for a few months a couple years ago for a very similar, though much more hostile, situation.)
Now… he told me I can stay in our house as long as I wanted, but after a week I decided to take some of my dignity back and pack my stuff up while he was gone and went to my parents house. He had a minor freak out and wanted to meet for drinks to talk about it immediately, so I did. It was a nice evening and he said maybe we just need time apart, but he made it clear I need to work on myself before he could consider giving this another shot. So I tried no contact.
He asked me out to the movies last Wednesday, and I went. It was mostly quiet but I pretended all was well and just focused on having a good time and not mentioning the relationship at all. He then made plans to see another movie this Wednesday, I said yes again because I miss him, he is my whole world, and I’m in such a terrible place that I’m falling apart without my partner. But I’m not letting him see that.
However, I am finally getting psychiatric treatment for the first time in a decade as it is clear that ignoring my sever depression and anxiety issues is no longer an option now that I have 2 children dropped into my care. And it is helping. A bit.
And now he has bought tickets for a Broadway show to see 2 months from today… Plus he’s always liking my Facebook posts and tagging me in pics of cute animals like normal.
What do I make of this? Am I f**king this all up by pretending to be doing very well and accepting his invites? Is he playing a game? Please help me… I’m barely hanging on here…
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 6:49 pm
Hi Sam,
it’s a good sign that he’s asking you out but right now what you need to focua is practicing to be happy without him and building your own life. Being dependent on others for your own happiness will really cause depression because yout happiness should be generated by you first..
Lelia
May 21, 2016 at 11:51 pm
Hi EBR team,
Writing from Paris, France. Both French. We dated 4 months before he left me. Great start – tenderness, same values, commitment, great sex compatibility. He left me 1month and a half ago., 2 days before he was full of love déclarations after a période of mixed messages and absence/distance. . When announced, i offerred immédiately to take back my stuff, gave Him his keys and accepted a conversation. He could not say more than “i made the right décision – impossible to get to know more. We were fighting for weeks under poor pretexts he initiated or silent distance before the break up. After questioning him very quietly and politely he started to shout and criticize me me. I cried and we made love and he precised this would not change anything. I spent the night and the day after same answer “the right decision”. He left and i started at him with si much anger. He wrote me one week after the break up (very very neutral and condensed text) – so i can let him know which way i wanted to get my stuff back. I did not answer because it was too early for me, i was very émotionally involved. Then he went three weeks abroad (USA, he is a cameraman). I never stopped the NC rule. He contacted me one month later to ask me once again to get by my stuff. He wrote on fb (i defriended him) – “good evening. Did you receive my text 2 or 3 weeks ago? I know that you are angry at me. I imagine that you dońt wanna see me but i Guess that you would like to get your stuff back, some books, 1 pair of shoes, and 2 clothes. Hope you are feeling well. Let me know. Good night.
I answered 2 days later on saturday “At true saying, i am not brainstorming. Available thursday 7.00, “Cadet” metro station.
He texted back – “i think i ll be available. I Will let you if i Work”
On wednesday (i was completely a mess and did not résist to send him a message) – “hey there. Can we say 7.30 due to a lot of work. (I have to quite earlier on friday).
(I wanted him to notice i had found a job and that i was unavailable the day next and the weekend)
He answered – “i ll make it work. I think i ll have finished work but still i ll tell you case i have to get back to work”.
The D-Day je wrote at 3.00 “i have to get back to work this afternoon. Can we arrange another day next week?
I did not answer since and we are 2 days later, sunday – as we speak.
Dont know What to do.
Is he hiding his intentions? or does he only want me to take my stuff so he can move on?
I precise that he never talked about 2 clothes he loves and that i have at home (a sweat and a duffle-coat he particularly likes).
Thank you for your valuable help (Sorry for my english!).
Lelia
May 22, 2016 at 1:11 am
I forgot to mention something important in his message which broke 1minth nc process!! – he said “(…) I know that you are angry at me and i totally understand that. I imagine that you dont wanna see me (…)
So I forgot to mention the fact that he understand I should be angry at him. (Which I chose to reverse by saying i am not un brainstorming –> not overthinking or being on a cold war.
Hope the transcription mistake helps to get a closer trend.
Many thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 26, 2016 at 9:06 am
Hi Leila,
what if he was just really busy? Did you reschedule?
Nichole
May 19, 2016 at 9:17 pm
I have a question. My friend and this guy have been talking dating for the last four five months. Well long story he said he was done but thru could still be friends so they hung out then she asked him if would think about talking again.. left it alone … Never mentioned it again. Continued as friends one time a drunk text was sent saying we should date the morning he told her to disregard that text. Well they hung out the next day. He Apolodized to her said he ment it but he ment to start talking again . He had been thinking about it never stopped thinking since she mentioned him … Well he asked her to start talking again decided to change a status. Everything was great then two days later he says hes in a bad mood stopped talking to her pushed away again then said he was done didnt want to see her wanted her throw stuff away so he wouldn’t have to see . told her to leave him alone. He didnt explain or anything.. Its werid. She waited to ask for her stuff back but nothing if he wants her to let go why not respond so she can get her stuff. Hes mad at her for some reason
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 10:18 pm
Hi Nichole,
Has your friends talked again?