18 Proven Signs That My Ex Wants Me Back (Based On Research)

1,520 thoughts on “Signs My Ex Wants Me Back”

Jenny

November 4, 2013 at 5:51 pm

My ex broke up with me for something very little. We kept contact at first but he started being mean soI did the NC for 2wwwks and I texted him yesterday, he texted back fast and sounded excited to hear from me which is weird because weeks before Id send him a thousand messages and we wouldnt reply at all. The only reason I texted him was so he knew I was notangry at all the mean things he said,i didnt tell him this directly all I saidwas “hope you had a good weekend and enjoy your week”, my question is what now, should I start no contact again as in should I just wait for him to text me now or should I continue texting him?

admin

November 5, 2013 at 4:57 pm

Well, have you implemented any of the txts that I talk about on here or recommend?

Diana

November 3, 2013 at 12:59 am

What if after the No Contact rule has ended and when you message him he stops replying because half way through the no contact he already thinks you moved on and stopped caring? Also, I started giving him a cold shoulder after finding out that he had sexual contact with another woman. This guy and I are not offically dating but we have confirmed that we both have feelings. He sends me a text saying “I feel guilt even though you and I are not dating. Do you have time to talk tonight?” What do I say to this? Should I continue on with my No Contact Rule?

admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:45 pm

You should continue on NC. I know it is so hard.

Louise

November 2, 2013 at 10:59 pm

Hi I’ve just came out of a 17 year relationship where my ex cheated. I found out through emails he had left open. When I confronted him he admitted it but didn’t tell the whole truth. We got back together but I could tell things weren’t the same between us as he seemed very distant and un remorseful. I found out a year later he was still seeing this girl and had been on off for 5 years. Throughout this time when I was broken hearted he treated me very badly and did not try to do anything to make amends. Even though he was the one that cheated I was the one that was doing all the begging and crying and asking him not to leave me. In the end I asked him to leave hoping that he would realise what a mistake he had made but nothing changed. He still didnt initiate contact and again I did all the chasing. He told me that he wasn’t sure what he wanted but he wasn’t ready to get back into a relationship. I struggled accepting this but in the end I told him I couldn’t be around him because I feel I need to deal with my own feelings. I haven’t been in contact with him for 2 weeks now and I’m feeling ok. He hasn’t attempted to make contact. I would really like us to work it out because we have a son and our relationship was good most of the time and I do still feel like he’s my best friend but he did cause me a tremendous amount of pain and I feel he needs to acknowledge this. I’m not sure if he wants me back I kinda think he likes being on his own but I’m hoping the NC will make him sit up and realise I mean business this time and I won’t accept being treated with so much disrespect. I must admit I am at a point where I’m struggling with NC because I miss him.

admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:35 pm

Welcome to NC..

I think also that the being with him for 17 years kind of makes NC even harder. Stick with it though. I have a new guide coming out that is going to really make you sit up and go “wow..”

Dhes

November 1, 2013 at 9:25 am

Hi Chris, during the first week of the break up i tried every possible way to contact and beg him not to leave me. Then i shut down for two weeks (no contact rule but he sent me 2 negative messages and 2 emails on that two weeks). Then i surprised him on his birthday but he insisted he doesnt want me back. This week we are almost together everyday as i take care of him after his accident. As soon as he is recovered, will the no contact rule still work? – because he told me that once he is healed he expects me to move on with my life. Is he also being honest about it or just to let me feel down?

admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:51 pm

It can still work yes.

Erin

October 29, 2013 at 1:54 pm

My ex boyfriend and I have gone NC for 2 weeks. I had planned with mutual friends of ours that we were going to a halloween party together. Our mutual friend informed me while hanging out with my ex that day that he might go. He did not show up and lied saying he was going to another halloween party when in fact he went over to chill with another mutual friend. He told my mutual friends to say hi for him. The next day he texted one of my other close friends I hung out with last night to specifically ask how I was. What does this all mean? And he hasnt tried to contact me in a week in a half.

admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:53 am

It means he is scared to make a move because he is a sissy hahaha.

I am serious too. He is handling the breakup like a little kid. Getting people to say hi for him. I guess he is just scared at how you will react.
Erin

October 30, 2013 at 3:21 pm

I think he is very scared. But I also think that he feels conflicted maybe about our breakup. He wants me but doesnt want me and maybe he’s just trying to figure it out. But you are right–he is handling the breakup like a little kid.
admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:56 pm

Welcome to the mind of men Erin!

Hahaha acting like little kids and confused about things all the time.
Erin

October 31, 2013 at 3:31 pm

I spoke with a mutual friend of ours about what happened and whatnot with our relationship. She basically said that he thought I was too different from him…not enough fun and didnt want to party,etc Too much of a homebody. To be honest I did completely change right after we started dating because I was diagnosed with a thyroid illness so I had to focus on my health. So since the breakup I’ve gone back to my old self…having a fun time,going out, partying, etc and got a new amazing job. But Im in NC so I havent seen him.

I just am so anxious to show him how much I’ve changed, but I dont want to be obvious about it. I started talking to other guys and dating around just to get my confidence back. My ex and I frequent the same band shows in town and a month after NC is a big one. I’m debating whether or not to invite one of these dates there or do you think this would backfire?
admin

October 31, 2013 at 8:28 pm

Homebody… I really hate that term.

I don’t know why but I just hate it.

I would keep the dates away from your ex but I would take pictures and post them on Facebook hahaha.
Erin

November 1, 2013 at 2:12 pm

Another question here– I went to a halloween party last night that was mutual friends. I left to go home because I had work in the morning. Apparently he showed up an hour later. Then at 2 am he text me wishing me Happy Halloween and that he was sorry that he missed me at the party. It hasnt been 30 days since the breakup. What do I do? Do I respond or keep him on his toes?
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:57 pm

At this pint I say no.

Kelly

October 28, 2013 at 8:55 pm

Chris
How many times can u do the no contact? I did once and messed up and slept with him after the 2nd meet up. And got sentimental and asked how he felt.thats 3 weeks after NC.And 2 dates later..messed up I guess by hoping he wanted more.Will it work again (NC)…or should I just chalk it up and move on?…how will I know if he has any feelings for me or he wishes I would move on?..dont want to waste my time if its useless.
Kelly

admin

October 29, 2013 at 3:02 am

I guess as many times as you want but each time after the first it becomes less and less effective.

Kerry

October 28, 2013 at 1:51 pm

Hello,
My name is kerry and back in august i broke it off with my boyfriend of 5 years. i had left him for another man because he was not giving me the attention i needed, instead he was getting high and playing xbox all the time. Anyways, he was messaging me mean stuff and being a complete dick to me and something spiked in my mind that i wanted him back, because no matter what he says or does i do love him. So i went to go and see him and he says he was confused and he got angry with me alot, so i ended up leaving. i did not do the no contact rule, was begging for him and stuff while i was there, when i got back however i was not messaging him. He started to message me again and told me that he wants to give me another chance. He was out working at the time, not around his friends or smoking weed. He was being amazing and sweet to me. When he got back from work however, he was not messaging me as much and ignoring me and i got angry and kinda flipped because he wasn’t being there for me. My cat had recently died and i wanted to talk to him but he wasn’t making the effort to be there. Anyways, yesturday i was going to hop on a bus to go visit him and move in with my friend while we saved up for a place together but an hour before my bus leaves he tells me he doesn’t want a relationship anymore. He said that he is scared and hesitant about us. i said i understand that because i have made mistakes (i have cheated once,, horrible mistake that i beat myself up for) but want to be a better person for this man. He did not listen and just told me we are not together cause he is not ready. i was crying so hard on phone and i just hung up. Woke up this morning to a message saying, sorry for hurting you im just not ready. I really do not understand? he told me he was giving me another chance and that we can work things out and a hour before i go he says he doesn’t want it anymore? i could really use some advice on this. i really love this man with all my heart. and i know we are young and could move on but i want to move on with him.. maybe i been putting myself to out there for him? haven’t gave him NC rule… Any advice would be great.

admin

October 29, 2013 at 2:30 am

My advice is simple. DO NC!

lesley

October 27, 2013 at 10:57 am

Hi Im Lesley …. I ended a year long relationshipabout a month ago after he belittled me infront of a friend (he lacks confidence and was unemployed and depressed)
With this he has been moody and critical and our relationship has been off and on.
After doing NC i didn’t realise until i found this site that i shouldn’t respond…but he been round twice and i was welcoming but not my usual
affectio

And i obviously still have love for him. Known him for 30 years. And depression has affected him so badly since his divorse 16 years ago that Im his first gf !
Appreciate your honesty and this site very much…

Questionestion is.. Do i now do NC
properly as there seems to be a friendship…

admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:45 pm

Hmmm… you do respond AFTER the initial NC period. Just don’t want their to be any misunderstandings.

I say it can’t hurt to try it!

victoria

October 25, 2013 at 5:55 am

how can i change his mind? i feel like this situation is so fragile that i dont want to approach it the wrong way? 🙁
victoria

October 20, 2013 at 10:32 pm

hi my name is victoria. my ex and i dated for 7 years. there was alot of trust issues involved and infidelity on my part that tore us apart. towards the end of the relationship i know he was very upset and heart broken. i realized that i mightve ruined things to such a degree that i may never be able to make mends with him. even after our breakup he was acting like hes single and yet saying he was trying to make things work. to make a long story short he dated someone soon after we broke up and that was when i decided its time to walk away and move on. it turned out that he told our mutual friends that he wasnt able to be with her even though shes a great girl because of our relationship. so he dated her for only a short while. i forgot to mention that after our breakup he wanted to be friends so i tried to be friends and he would treat me horribly to the point that we know we cannot be friends so i cut off contacts with him completely. to note that we could not be friends because he still had to much anger and resentment towards me that it just wasnt healthy. its approaching 2 years since our break up and given that he left our breakup in such a sour note, it is awkward for me when i see him at functions. which most of the time i would avoid. i know it was my fault but i tried everything in my possible power to make things civil and friendly. he just was so negative, angry and bitter. he would say so many bad things about me and i believe he still does and ofcourse when it came back to me it made me feel like we will never be able to be civil so i pulled away more and more. we have alot of mutual friends and since time has pass i feel like everyone has moved on from the situation except him and i. before he acted like i was a plagued but at the last wedding function we attended a week ago after 1 year + of no contact he was dancing around me, be near me by ending up standing next to me and even come over toward my table which it would never had happen before. however each time he tries to be closer i would move and go elsewhere. he did never actually talked to me at the function but i did feel like i was no longer a plague and he was trying to be nicer however with his pride still attached. me on the other hand i just didnt know what to take of it so i just tried to stay away from him completely given his actions to me before. i am just confuse and i guess what i am trying to say is deep down i am very sorry and i do want things to be civil but i just dont know how to go about it given that i tried so hard to before. but now i just feel completely awkward. i was his first love and he was my first serious relationship so i feel like i will harbor some sort of love for him and would never want to see him sad, harmed or unhappy. maybe you can give me a perspective that i am not seeing and make sense of this tragic situation of mine.

admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:00 am

Hi there,

Wow, there is a lot going on isn’t there haha.

I am just curious what YOUR intentions are. Do youw ant to get over him or do you want him back?
victoria

October 22, 2013 at 7:42 am

i still care for him but i dont necessarily want to start a relationship with him right now because i feel that we have so much to rebuild that i dont know if it can ever be at that level again. but one thing for sure is i do want a friendship with him. if a relationship ever sparks again between us i honestly will definitely be happy to try again the second time around. but first and formost i want us to be able to be friends. because no matter where in life, he and i will always cross paths because we have mutual families. his first cousins is married to my first cousins so any family function his family and mine is invited. so i guess my intention is to have him back in my life. I was the one that cut off the communication because i thought that i needed to let him go for him to properly heal. the more that he is around me the more it will remind him of the pain and he will never be able to forgive me. but its been quite some time now and i feel like he is or seem to be more open with me and not so angry with me that maybe we can start somewhere. start as friends is good for me because i feel like i want to start fresh and start building the trust and see if anything can be repaired.
admin

October 23, 2013 at 7:30 pm

Well, in the end YOU do what you feel is right!

I can’t argue with that.
victoria

October 24, 2013 at 8:00 am

do you think maybe i am reading this the wrong way? that he is still angry and hateful? how do i know for sure?
admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:04 pm

He is still angry probably but you could always change his mind.

Pierangela

October 20, 2013 at 4:25 pm

Chris, thanks for all the effort you put in your posts…really great job you do here!!!

Funniest thing happened just when I read through this post: my ex texted me…but I will of course stick to the NC rule…good thing I just read over it again so keep on mentioning it :))

admin

October 20, 2013 at 9:12 pm

Hahah that is AWESOME!

Did I mention that reading my site makes your ex text you?
Pierangela

October 21, 2013 at 6:05 pm

Well, if you haven’t already mentioned it so far, you should definitely do so from now on 😀
admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:12 am

No it is a secret just between us!

kay

October 17, 2013 at 7:24 pm

i’m trying to figure out what’s going on with my ex. after almost a decade if being FWB, i got tired of his lack of commitment and moved on. i met my husband and have been married got almost a decade. i never stopped being friends with my ex, he’s a good guy, but about a year before i met my husband the “benefits” stopped. my husband and ex became friends because they have some things in common and are both nice guys but i think that they’re mostly friends because they have a friends in common (me). long story short, my ex was recently dumped by his live in girlfriend and so we let him move into our spare room. he’s a feast roommate- Jeeps to himself mostly. My husband is not at all threatened because he knows that he’s the one that “won”. my question is about my ex. He was never in
love with me. but he has some bizarre reactions now- he acts like the tight of ever being with me makes him want to vomit. (i don’t want to be with him, but nobody wants to think they make someone vomit!). He’s a good friend but asksled my husband’s permission to hang out with m one time. (we’re all in our 40s, btw). he never invites me to hang out but is usually
willing if i invite him (for coffee or whatever). My question is: WTF? 🙂 can guys really separate their feelings like that? is he living with us just for the cheap rent? or because he doesn’t want to lose his friend now that i’m married? does he really find me repulsive? or does he just have so much respect for my husband that he doesn’t WANT to be attracted to me? people keep telling me that this guy might have feelings for me but since he was never in love and it was a one sided relationship, is that even possible?
basically, I’d like your take on an ex FWB who is always around and always available but never invites me anywhere/texts/calls first and acts like i’m as attractive as fried eyeballs. 😛 (ps,, he does tease me a lot and we have a great time hanging.my husbands says my ex and i have our own bubble). can an ex fall in love with a woman he never loved before and who is now unavaialable? i love my husband and dont want ny ex back, but id like to kniw how to conduct myself around my ex and not hurt his feelings. thanks

admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:05 pm

I am shocked! Your husband I can’t believe he let him live in the house.

Just remain very respectful but establish certain groundrules with yourself to NOT lead him on. Going to be hard because your an attractive woman 😉

Sarah

October 16, 2013 at 8:14 am

I took my breakup back in April harshly. My ex is the typical egotistic/narcissistic frontman of an NYC band trying to make it big. We lived together, and I was the one who decided to move out of the apartment. He started seeing someone else literally days after (and I hadn’t even moved yet!) I basically called him out on his extreme narcissism and blatant use of manipulative speech patterns, etc to get what he wanted. He in turn gave me the whole ‘in a few months you will be laughing at everything you are feeling right now’. I deleted him from FB in order to give myself time to heal (and regain my dignity as I went typical girl crazy trying to prove how much I cared about him). The minute he discovered I had done that he sent me a patronizing text saying “silly kitty. Why did you delete me from FB? Don’t be one of those.” I went No contact. It still sucked knowing he was frolicking around with this other girl. He didn’t contact me for over a month and one day I get a photo of his new tattoo. The week after that, a photo of mochi ice cream he had been eating (our favorite dessert) I responded in a short manner and he jumped at it and told me he missed me. I had been out of the state all summer and returned briefly to attend a show he played. I found out he’d been hounding my friends about wether they had talked to me/knew I was back in town. When I saw him that night I could tell he kept looking at me and made a point to keep me around him all night. When I flew back to LA for work he texted me and said “i realized when I saw you how much I missed you. asshole!” I said “Yes, you are a bonafide asshole” and that was that. He went to Turkey for a month and i didn’t talk to him. The day he came back, he asked if I would still be in LA for when he played his show. I said I would. (complete lie) I didn’t talk to him much after that. Every time he does message me (and it’s always him initiating) he takes these roundabout ways just to get me to talk to him because he doesn’t know how to communicate with me anymore. I want to be his friend, but I am also aware of all the girls he hangs out with, and even past girls he keeps on the hook for when he wants sex/nude pics/etc. (typical rockstar). He knows I am too smart for those games. But still, I can;t tell wether his approaches are genuine or if he’s just jerking my chain. I just moved back to the city, and brought a guy friend with me. The night I got back I texted him just to tell him I was excited for his band (I’ll admit it;s been hard being back in the city with all these nostalgic memories.) and he replied saying “So weird. I was literally just thinking about you. are you back?” I told him i was and I was staying at a hotel close to our apartment. He immediately says “I’m coming. I need to get out of here” But when I told him we’d have to meet in the lounge because my friend was there and he was passed out, he says “it’s ok! I’ll just go for a walk alone. see you in a few days”. I tried telling him I’d go along with him, but he never responded so I said “alright mister, I know how you are. have a good night” and he says “Yes, I am a certain way. good night.” A few days later I ran into him very unexpectedly at the last place I thought he’d ever be. My guy friend was with me. We said hello. He hugged me and asked how I was and then avoided me the rest of the night.

I am obviously still very much in love with him. But i am also trying to be smart about things because my life is awesome right now, despite my loneliness in having to cope without him. It still just feels so wrong being without him. But I know his playboy ways. I guess what I am wondering from your guy’s point of view, if he is just playing games? Thanks for reading all this!

admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:19 am

It makes me happy to hear you say “I am trying to be smart about things.”

So many more women need to do this.

What have you done thus far. NC?
Sarah

October 17, 2013 at 3:25 am

Thank you! I really really am trying. I know him THAT well. All his little calculative/manipulative moves. I guess I just don’t really want to believe that he was using me for the year I was living with him. I honestly don’t think he was, but then again he uses everyone around him if it means he benefits. (In his terms he would call this ‘dedication to his band and living his dream.’ The man believes he’s some sort of Spartacus. He thinks he has to be miserable and alone because all people who want to change the world are like this. pffft. But that’s where I get caught. I see how vulnerable and lonely and insecure he is despite his ego egp. And I’m a woman so I want to coddle it and all that motherly shit.) Yeah I went no contact for about…two months after I moved out of the apartment. When he contacted me, he was sending me all these photos of his new tattoos, and even a photo of our rennovated apartment lobby. (why send me photos of a place I don;t even live at anymore and would prefer to forget? haha) My responses were always short and left no openings for further conversation. Then again, we couldn’t really hang out or run into each other because at the time I was on the other side of the country. Now that I am back in NYC, as I said in my first comment I ran into him unexpectedly while out with a male friend, and I actually woke up to a text from him this morning, funniest shit ever, saying “Would you want to be in a photoshoot for this unannounced thing I can’t tell you about yet?”

I know he’s an extreme man-child. But I know I would definitely try to work things out if I knew he was serious and so far, because I know his personality, it;s hard for me to take him seriously.
admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:07 pm

Man child!

Oh, all men are children. Didn’t you know? I
Sarah

October 19, 2013 at 4:30 am

So after extensively going through your posts and being especially interested on your break down of texting, I was able to put some of your techniques to work.

My EX texted me a really ridiculous ‘I like how you keep adding and unadding me on FB. -thumbs up-‘ (this only happened ONCE 6 months ago when we first broke up because it was hard for me to see his updates all the time. I added him again when I felt I was able to deal with him and kept it like that for a good 4 months, but in all honesty, his false ‘internet god’ persona he dishes out to his thousands upon thousands of followers pisses me off. Since I know the real him. So about a week ago I deleted him again. I don’t need that shit.) Anyway, I replied with “that was once a long time ago. I’m YOUR friend, not FB’s”
He says “The reason this is taking me so long to respond to is because your statement makes absolutely no sense to me.’
I reply ‘Why does it matter? We’re friends in real life and honestly your FB persona pisses me off.’
And his response: “You’re right. It doesn’t matter.’

And I left it off there. Victory is mine. 🙂
admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:37 pm

SWEET VIIICCCCTTTOOOORRRYYYY!

Sarah

October 8, 2013 at 2:22 pm

Hey I sent you a couple e-mails and realized I should have been inquiring on here! Also I bought your book and I’m very very excited to read more of your awesome information (I’ve read most of this site).

Anyhow…here’s my situation. My boyfriend and I dated two months shy of 2 years and it was a great and healthy relationship until about 6 months ago when I underwent a new job that stole my soul (i worked in child welfare) and sent me into a deep depression. He assisted me in changing careers and now I love my job, however, my worthlessness that accumulated from working in child welfare did not go away completely. I became very reactionary in our relationship…getting really angry about little things and being depressed and paranoid about life in general. I loved him and was happy with him but when we hung out with his friends and saw how “normal and perfect” everyone’s life was I was just reminded of how sad I was and I lost myself, which made me lose him. One of the reasons why the child welfare stuff got at me so bad was because I was molested when I was little by a family member. I was so angry with my family and the happiness that everyone else felt once I got into child welfare…it really hurt me and changed me to see children go through what I did and never have happy relationships or happy families. I let this negativity effect me in the worst way possible…Even though he and I were best friends and really genuinely supported each other, I had this feeling in my head that I’d never get anything I wanted in life because of my past. I ruined us because of my depression. When he broke up with me I really got a wake up call. I took the step to figure out why I was the way I was, and I realized I was clinging on to my past too hard and it was poison into my life. I forgave my family member that molested me and am friends with her for the first time in my life (this happened when she and I were both children..she was 6 years older than me though) and I forgave my family for never believing me and the hurt that was caused in my childhood. For the first time in my life I feel free of everything in my past and I have courage to move forward positively. I even (at age 27) moved out for the first time because I realized I was scared of myself and my own potential. I am so thankful and humbled by our breakup (although also grieving greatly) because I would have never received the insight about myself without losing something so powerful and grieving so greatly. I evaluated our relationship and why I would want to be with him again. We wanted to have a business together eventually, we both wanted each other to grow, we were best friends that have so much in common and are so similar…we had a deep understanding about each other and wanted the best for each other. Now I feel he is scared of being with me again.

We broke up at the beginning of September and we saw each other a couple times a week after that because of friend events. (Just to add…when we broke up he said “I can’t believe the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had is ending”) I asked him for a second chance around week 2 and he said he couldn’t do that because he didn’t feel like I had enough time to change and I agreed…we ended up having sex and he cried and told me he loved me the next day but that this is how it has to be. We chatted as friends after that and he even asked me to get lunch and a drink and paid for my bill when I came over just to go for a walk with him! But…last week at a party I got drunk and we flirted a bunch and suddenly he pulled away. I broke down and told him how sorry I was and that I’ve changed permanently because I have been forced to really reevaluate my life and that I’ve learned to never allow myself to be the way I was ever again because feeling this way now feels so good! He was still skeptical and asked to not talk about it. I fell asleep on a chair and woke up on a bed with him watching me sleep. He said he carried me there because he wanted me to be comfortable and proceeded to sleep next to me. I kissed him and it turned into sex and he held my hand and cuddled me all night. The next morning we were being cute and he said “this doesn’t mean that we are back together.” (I didn’t know how to feel…was I being used? No, he isn’t like that…right? or am I being a stupid girl? was all I kept thinking) So he asked me to get coffee with him this weekend after I moved to my new house (first time moving out! big girl pants! haha) He came over yesterday, I bought us sushi and he brought beer. We chatted casually for an amazing 2 1/2 hours and then he said he should be leaving and that he didn’t know why he came over to “talk” because he didn’t know what to say (he also mentioned that we was supposed to go to a concert that night with his friend but missed it to hang out with me and he was not sad about that…that he was glad to spend time with me).

He asked me about how I felt about what happened at the party and I told him I didn’t know. That I don’t know whether to feel taken advantage of. He said he didn’t take advantage of me, that I made his heart hurt so badly and he just wanted to be so close to me because our relationship was really special and he still cares about me so much, but that he doesn’t trust that my attitude has changed in a month and that he thinks “what if we got back together and in 2 years you went back to this way? I’d almost be 35 at that point…I don’t have much time left for it not to be right” and I told him that it was worth the risk because I HAVE changed but I respect his worry. He said that if we got back together he would need space and it would have to happen organically. I asked him if he wanted to go see a movie next weekend and he said “that sounds like a date right now..and I don’t want to date anybody…I don’t have it in me.” I told him as a friend and he said that we would have to invite more people and I agreed and then he said, “well we don’t have to invite more people…”

We agreed to see a movie on the 13th and he asked me to call him…but now I’m feeling like I’m pressuring him and maybe I should just start NC instead? Maybe I should make some excuse up about being busy and let him have his space? Please let me know how to proceed. Or have I messed this up way too much already?

We had something really special. And I know my negativity for the last 6 months really ruined things because of my past. How do I get him to trust me again? We share so many of the same friends that all really loved our relationship. People used to refer to us as the perfect couple and two peas in a pod. Strangers used to comment on our love for each other just when we were walking down the street or at the gym.

I feel like I lost my one.

Please help!

admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:26 am

Hi There,

Thanks for the E-Book purchase I appreciate it so much!

I read your situation and I actually do think you should make up an excuse about being busy and do NC.

Mos

October 5, 2013 at 6:35 pm

Hey Chris!
So I’ve been reading everyone else’s stories. So mine is that I dated this guy for 3months (LDR). I am a flight attendant so I have the ability to see him as often as I want, but I felt I was the one always planning dates and he would change the dates a million times. He also travels for work so it is hard to catch up with him so we decided to exchange schedules. Well, I gave him mine and I never got his. I am very spiritual and he seems to be as well, but I always just had a gut feeling something was not right. He would text me a million times a day with sweet nothings, but would only call if he needed something or if I asked him to. I always thought that was fishy. So I broke up with him via email end of Sep, but I just started NC Oct1. I got a text from him on Oct3 saying he misses me. I did not reply. Should I really go the full 30days even if he texts and calls a million times. I was thinking that if he calls 2ce, I will return his calls as positive reinforcement as he RARELY ever calls, but if he just keeps texting I won’t answer. What do you think?

admin

October 6, 2013 at 1:28 am

A flight attendant how cool!

I would say initially yes do go the full 30 days. However, if you get the sense that he is really really worried about you I would say you can break it into LC.
Mos

October 6, 2013 at 3:37 am

Thank you! I will keep you all posted…another day down without contact on both ends. Today was a struggle 🙁
admin

October 6, 2013 at 11:53 pm

I am sorry to hear that. Maybe he will reach out soon.
Mos

October 7, 2013 at 3:38 am

Keeping in touch with you makes it easier 🙂 So he texted today saying “I need a huge favor but I know I don’t deserve it.” “Actually don’t worry about it. I don’t feel right asking”. A part of me wanted to call and say “yes..you don’t deserve me you jerk” but I have not so I am lashing out here where I have all my supporters. What I don’t get is that even when he NEEDS something he doesn’t have the decency to PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL.
admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:34 am

Maybe he is scared about your reaction? Food for thought? I am just sptballing here.

Monica

October 3, 2013 at 4:21 am

Well me and my ex frank broke up around march this year. We were almost together for 3 years. June was the anniversary month. He broke with me. We have trust issues. So after breaking up he kinda was trying to give me hints he didn’t want to talk to me. But I still kept contact, and he replied. I didn’t go crazy texting over and over I respected and tried not to annoy him. I didn’t get the hint he didn’t want to talk to me my mind was cloudy and all I wanted was to get him back. Well when he was mad at me he this girl, yaly. He asked her to go to a ball with him and the spent the weekend together and his friends came along too. He told me he had only kissed her. So over the summer we would hang out and sweet words were exchanged and for a minute there I thought we might get back together until I found out They kept talking and when I asked him about yaly he told me she was just a friend and I believed him but soon did I find they were a thing. After finding out that I was an emotional wreck. And finally he told me that everything he had said didn’t mean anything he had told me this . He didn’t love me anymore. I was shocked and hurt. But I didn’t believe him at first because he actions and his words didn’t match up. but I guess that was just my excuse to stick around more. But I finally forced myself to stop talking to him and everything and I stopped gettin on social media websites and he has been texting me not everyday but every once a while. He told me someone made him realize that maybe letting me go was a bad mistake and that he realized how he tried to replace me, how he’s not over me and he does want to be. But he was just gettin it off his chest.I try not to have a conversation but he trys to have one with me. I know there is still something there I mean today he called me a pet name he hasn’t used to call me since December of last year. I do want him back. But I am not gonna wait any long or beg but he had always told maybe later down the road we could try this again

admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:17 am

Are the two of you usually in constant contact?
Monica

October 5, 2013 at 5:39 am

I don’t contact him, he texts me time from to see how I’m doing. He’s been texting me lately not every day but daily

Aly

September 30, 2013 at 9:33 pm

hi chris im back again!
so I was dating this guy for 8 months and I loved him to pieces and I still do. a week after we broke up he is already with another girl, not dating but flirting and posting picture on instagram of each other saying the #mancrushmonday or #womencrushwednesday (its stuff you just do on instagram) but like I was saying, do you think this is just a rebound girl? will it last? I am in the middle of the no contact rule but like everyone says, its hard. he unfriended me from everything with his sites. but I still have hope that he’ll try to communicate with me. I’ve been looking positive with my postings on my internet sites but I don’t know if it will work. HELP!

admin

October 1, 2013 at 1:53 am

How long have they been dating?
Alyson Erbach

October 1, 2013 at 7:41 pm

well they aren’t dating. just flirting and talking. I think they are going to a homecoming school dance together though. I’ve been staying with no contact but if they do start dating how should I deal with it? if they post pictures of them hanging out or something should I like the picture or stay with the no contact? I’ve been talking to some of his friends without him knowing and they are all saying that they really likes us together. I asked them if they think it’ll last with the girl and him and they said maybe two weeks because she talks to a lot of guys daily. but I don’t know if I should believe them or not.! ahh!!
Aly

October 1, 2013 at 6:16 pm

they aren’t dating, they are talking and flirting and stuff. and i’m pretty sure they are going to a homecoming school dance this Friday. im still in the no contact but i’m losing but still kind of gaining hope along the way.

Catie

September 28, 2013 at 3:53 am

Hello. I have been reading your site because I feel lost and broken as well as trying to go on with my life but, there is still this love for my old boyfriend. We were together for 4 and a half months and then during the last few weeks of our relationship, we were arguing because I was supposed to take him to a fair but, my horse was ill so I had to cancel. He was very angry about this and cared more about the fair so, we had an argument about where his care lied. Then, the next day I gave him a heartfelt note and a gift in order to make amends. But, he did not say a word to me which led to a little bit more argument. That weekend, I was ill and talked to him over Facebook where he told me that he didn’t know about us. Then, he told me he had to go to another fair which he didn’t invite me to go. So, I asked him if he needed space and he decided that he did. So, the rest of the weekend, we did not talk. Then, that Monday, we had a conversation and we came to realize that we loved each other and we were okay. He told me he loved me and kissed me. Later that night, out of the blue, he messages me that he did not know about us anymore. I told him that I was devastated by this but, asked if he needed some more space, he then told me that he thought we were okay but, he didn’t know. I told him how I sacrificed to stay close in living proximity of him and he didn’t seem to care. He said that he didn’t want to hurt me in front of people the next day but, then we agreed to talk the next day. The next day came and we had another conversation which involved me expressing my feelings for him and what he meant to me, at that point I asked him to just answer me one question as he didn’t talk the whole time. The one question was if he cared about me and “us” and he responded by a “no” which led to my anger getting the best of me and me ripping the necklace he bought me and breaking it into pieces and throwing it at him. This was a very emotional time and I proceeded to leave and cry. Later that night, I asked him where we were at and he told me that “we might be at the end of the road” where I told him that he pushed me over the edge and we were done because I knew where it was headed. And this might sound crazy but, I am still in love with him and I just read your website today, and I am wondering if the NC would work for me? I have been trying to talk to him about what went wrong, etc. and he doesn’t respond seriously and he seems to shut down. When I don’t talk to him, he stares at me at the points where we are in the same vicinity and tries to talk but, other times he doesn’t. I am sorry if this sounds a little bizarre. But, I would love your advice as I believe that we might have a chance again or it might help me to go on. Thank you.

admin

September 29, 2013 at 11:27 pm

Yes, I think NC is a smart way for you to go. I would try it out.

Kelly

September 26, 2013 at 2:11 am

All these responds are people who been with their bf over 6months.i met a guy 5 months ago and we just started dating and after 3months he said he wasnt ready for nothing serious. (Which means he feels that you are not the one).He never really got to know me. I learned that he got turned off because he felt like I was chasing him.He likes to chase.i cant change what happenned but I did the no contact.But I did it for 6 weeks.he never tried to contact me.so I did the first text step.waited a week and did the second.He never tried to contact me.than I did third and fourth.Now im at the meeting up..He said yes that he likes to catch up with me(this friday-Sept27th).He might still like me as friends.My fear is that I did all the contacting first.Just like in the relationship. How will I know if he wants me or just meet up and say hi as friends?…you ebook seems like its for people who were in a more committed bf/gf relationship.Mine was just starting.But god we enjoyed eachothers company! !!..I just wish he would contact me first..!!..it would maybe think that he does think of me sometimes.we talk to eachother everyday before…confused. ….help..Kelly

Kelly

October 5, 2013 at 1:07 am

Lol..Chris…dont get me wrong …I can handle criticism. ..so if u have advice and can see outside of the box..plz let me know what im doing wrong…
Kelly
admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:48 am

Well, the one thing you said kind of struck me.

The you not giving enough “chase” thats an issue.
Kelly

October 5, 2013 at 7:06 pm

Honestly. .I dont know how…we are meeting up again because he knows I will be good at a business he wants to get going.He said we have to be careful because we are really attracted to one another.And he suggested we go painting together and practice shooting our guns at a range and he told me the night we were together that he felt no pressure and he was so happy.Like he keeps saying things WE should do..but if you come across as a GF..he says im not ready..im getting mix signals. .any advice?..
Kelly

October 8, 2013 at 12:16 am

Ok..I will..but we have a meet up on friday.And I told him that I appreciate that he is taking his time and explain this business to me so I will cook a homemade meal that night for him.After friday..it will be a great night (fun, uplifting)..than…..pull away!!!!..leave him hungry for more!!!!…GAME ON!!!!!…Deal?…ok will keep u up dated…Thanks…
admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:21 am

DEF DO!
Kelly

October 7, 2013 at 12:42 am

But after everything I text you..u think he likes me or just stringing me on cuz he loves the attention? ..I dont want to do the no contact if im wasting my time&I need to get a grip and move on…god I wish I could read minds!!!!
admin

October 7, 2013 at 11:26 pm

I wish I could too! I would be a total billionare!

He definitely loves the attention but he could love the attention and you at the same time. I still hink you should do NC though.
Kelly

October 6, 2013 at 5:56 am

Well we dont see eachother that offen..but I know he likes me.I ask if thats what u want is sex.He says no..he says if thats all I want than I would have u hear every other day having sex.Sex is easy to come by.Than I said well what than.he said Kelly im still dealing with my ex wife cuz she needs help.no im not going back to her. (She hurt him bad and used him for money)..he said I wish we could have met next year when he said he might be ready for something serious.but he is in the solo zone.And he said he isnt ready for fun &passion everyday. (Think its makes him nervous&his fear of hurt)..God we laugh and have fun.we put eachother in a good mood.Honestly I think he wants to keep me around as a friend until he feels he is ready.Like he doesnt want to lose me or he feels he might reget it later.But he gos out on dates (hes online date site)..oh thats how we met too..he dont get much dates but thats how he keeps his distants..he ask me do I get alot of dates..I dont lie..YES!!.But I told him im kinda getting bored with it . which is the truth. And when we are together (not offen, I have to call first..then he initiates us getting together.)..I get text messages or calls I dont answer..and he gos “boyfriends?”..I just laugh and say whatever..(he answers his&and he loves to tell me its a girl that likes him but they are friends only).He says it seem like im the only one he can talk to intellectually and he thinks I’m smart..Is he playing with me or tring to move things really..really slow because he hasnt made a decision on us?..im lost..honestly! !!..I wouldnt call him but im dying to talk to him..I miss our talks and friendship.i tell him that.he said I should tell men how I feel.it makes them nervous.but thats just me!..than he said sorry Kelly..just be u..your special and different than anyone I know.We didnt see eachother for 3 months and didnt talk for 7 weeks.He said he didnt call because we had a disagreement&he thought I was angry and didnt want to speak to him anymore.So he never tried to call me.but kept my number.He dont like calling people in general. I dont know.he is 54 and set in his ways..people call him.he dont call unless its his kids..im confused..but I want to back away now slowly and see what happens. It just hard.we are so attracted to eachother..but I have a feeling im more..or he is tring to hide his feeling because he isnt comfortable yet with it…u are outside of the box Steve..should I start again with no contact?
admin

October 6, 2013 at 11:58 pm

At this point I think that might be a good idea.
admin

October 6, 2013 at 1:26 am

So, essentially he doesn’t want to define the relationship even though the two of you are already kind of doing things couples do?
admin

September 26, 2013 at 3:36 am

This site and the E-Book itself can work for almost any situation (yours included.) So, you can try out these tactics.
Kelly

September 27, 2013 at 3:30 pm

Thanks.i will..I called him lastnight to see where we were going to meet and we stayed on the phone for over an hour.I ended the conversation saying I have to go and will see him tomorrow.I was at first dishearted bcuz he didnt sound at first happy I called..like…oh Kelly..but he asked me if I was going out on dates and stuff…lol..well its tonight and I hope all is well..I did ask if he would like to go to a painting class with me..I thought it would be fun.he said yes and when but I suggested tonight and he said no…but it is friday night…maybe if things go well..I will remember to be upbeat and fun…no serious talk right?…wish me luck!!!!…but I will check out your ebook for brownie points…lol..Thanks Kelly..
Kelly

October 1, 2013 at 7:23 pm

I realize that it has been 3 days so I contacted him. And I asked him if I can be so bold and ask him a question. I hope I wasn’t at a place for asking this Steve. I asked him in the past couple months that I have not spoke with him did I ever cross is mind?..he said “Ahh not the way you hope Kelly.the only time is when he hears of my adventures.So I said ok and thanks for being honest.He said he woll talk to me later becuz he isnt good at texting at work..and said sorry.I said I need no explanation and thank u for being honest…it hurts I admit..I want to send him a nice text and wish him happiness. I wont be emotional just sweet and sorry that I put him on the spot.i figured its best since im on his mind.am I wrong?..it hurts to walk away but I dont want to be just friends..the attraction we have is wow but I dont want to be friends plus benifits.Am I doing wrong?..did I spoil all the work I put into it the past 2 months?…plz
Kelly
Kelly

October 3, 2013 at 4:50 am

Thanks Chris..glad im your type!!!!….lol…but im not boring!!!..im fun!!!…I play guitar and sing..im a LMT..and studying to become a PT (doctoral degree)…but with this Obama care..I might change my mind…lol..love action movies and at my age tring to get fit but still got 30 pounds I got to get off..but I got it in the right places!!!..I dont have a gut. (Flat stomach)..beautiful smile (white teeth)..long hair waist length (curly/wavey).great and open in bed..men know me and see me and wonder why im not married…ok im not barbie but dam…some say I dont give enough chase (cat&mouse game)..I hate games!!..and they say they can tell I want something serious and that makes them nervous.My eye intimate them because I look like im looking into there soul.I have a strong personality but when they spend alittle time with me they know im not dominate.(alittle)..but I like a man to stand up to me.its a turn on..to be honest I dont know what im doing wrong.then I back away if they feel im to serious and I let them know that im not asking to move in or get married now.just date.and I get im just not ready!!!!. (Which means ur not the one)..so I have to act helpless and stupid?..so he can be the hero? Isnt that drama?…Im almost 44 (Oct.25) men in there 40s and 50s ..say they been there done that and now they want to play (midlife crisis)…so there on the dating sites to what?..act 30 and get some…im sweet and charming but now im getting alittle tired…oh I can get a date easy but a relationship..wow..they look at me and see piece of ass…oh she beautiful and im going to get me that…as if!!!!..do I sound bad?…Are there any women having that same promblem?….im emotionally lonely…I just want someone for me that I can go old with and love…Kelly
admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:20 am

You should literally save this message and use it for your next job interview because NO ONE could turn you down hahaha.
Kelly

October 2, 2013 at 2:23 am

Yes I guess I will.im just so hurt and dont understand how a man can get intimate with a woman, has fun with her, laugh and enjoy eachothers company and no fighting.very attracted to eachother and in 3 months dont feel nothing!!!!!????…than tell u how special u are and walk away and feel nothing…now im not bragging but im attractive 43yrs old and he is 54yrs old.Hes not bad looking but not all that to other woman but he was all that to me.Looks isnt everything to me.I dont think he ever got the attention from a woman that I gave to him.No I didnt over do it but I wanted to show him how a good woman that wouldnt use him like the woman (his ex wife) used him for money.But men love woman they cant have no matter how they get treated.why?..why cant they want a good woman with no drama, has a career
admin

October 3, 2013 at 12:27 am

Haha I like how you go “now I am not bragging.”

I like that confidence in a woman.

And to answer your question I think that subconciously a “stable” no “drama” woman is a little boring. Now, I actually like that stableness. I know waaayyy too many crazy girls so no drama sounds kind of nice to me.
admin

October 2, 2013 at 1:00 am

Well at least he was honest I guess. It sucks to hear for sure. At this point I think you should just keep the focus on you. It may be time to move on from him and sometimes moving on is the best way to get him back.
admin

September 28, 2013 at 3:09 am

Yes spot on! Upbeat and fun. Oh… I wish I had my new article out (but it still has a lot of work left.) But it would be soooo relavant to you!
Kelly

October 1, 2013 at 4:25 am

Thank u..if I reconnect. .how will I know if he wants me without getting to serious.I know men hate talking about getting into relationships.I dont want to come across as chasing if I reconnect.if he dont contact me does that mean he still dont want me.I feel the attraction. There is no denying it.On his part too.He didnt want to let me go that evening.he knows I get attached. So he knows if we get together I will get feelings again, if he doesnt already know I do..dont know what to say.we are very attracted to eachother and I know we will end up in bed.but I dont want to be used for sex only.he told me once it isnt just sex with us.he says im smart and we get along and we can just talk and talk..but why not an exclusive relationship?..he says he still dealing with his ex..he was divorced almost two years ago.she called on our date and he ignored it.be honest plzz..is this a hopeless thing?…I adore him and he seems to want me.but hes afraid of being hurt.i would never hurt him.should I be patient? …take it slow I know..I dont want to ruin what took me 2 months to work on..Kelly
admin

October 2, 2013 at 12:00 am

Patience!

Definitely be patient and keep slowly working on him.
Kelly

September 29, 2013 at 9:07 pm

Hey the date went great but what do I do now?..wait for him to make contact?..and if he dont in 3 days..what?…does that mean he still just wants to be friends?…I was fun and didnt talk serious.We went back to his place and he showed me a online business he is trying to start.He asked if I would like to watch a movie with him.I did. After he walked me to my car and then we had a passionate kiss (wow my hormones) I didnt have sex with him.its my time if u know what I mean.Thank God or I might have!!!!..how long do I wait to make contact?..what if he dont and he is waiting for me to contact him?..plz Kelly
admin

October 1, 2013 at 1:53 am

For now wait for him to make contact. If he doesn’t in three days then you can recontact him.

hillevi

September 25, 2013 at 11:19 pm

Hi Chris!

Thank you for making this site! 🙂

I have applied the non contact rule for almost 2 weeks. My ex contacted me 5 days ago for the first time and has contacted me evey day since 🙂 He has called, texted and facebooked me but I have ignored him.
Just like you write, he has become upset by it :))
My question is, what do I do next? Should I answer him or not? I have read your articles but I don’t understand how to proceed from here.

Thank you again! 🙂

admin

September 26, 2013 at 3:24 am

You should probably grab the E-Book b/c I talk about it in there.

BUT,

I will say that if you sense he is getting angry to the point that he may never talk to you again you can break contact to give him a little rope. Keep the convo very short though and by very I mean VEEERRY

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