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Emma
June 13, 2017 at 11:09 pm
So my situation is a little long and confusing, in this case it uses instances of the no contact rule which backfires lol
This guy( lets called him dave) and I have never officially been together as couple. Dave took my virginity 5 years ago, I fell in love with him but he did not even like me and he was a dick to me. At that point I stopped calling him, blocked him, erased him on social media.
3 years flew by, I had dated and had another boyfriend during this period. During those 3 years Dave would call me on unknown numbers, text me from different phones even if I block them he would get/ use another phone. He would do anything to try and ‘talk’ to me . I put quotations because I felt like he was only holding on to me because I only had sex when he took my virginity.( It was almost like he missed out on the fun part so he wanted more)- the no contact rule worked satisfyingly at this point.
By 2015, I was dating again after breaking up with the boyfriend I had during 1 of those 3 years. Dave was still, texting me from different phones, there would be nothing much to the texts, just maybe my name or, ‘how are you?’ to which he would get no reply. ( friends by this point started to think I did something to him that made him think about me so much). I decided after that long time, with a tinge of resentment toward him from what happened 3 years prior, to start seeing him again (BIG MISTAKE). It wasn’t really a relationship I was using him for my own pleasure. In my head i was thinking that i would be the one gaining, i was using him this time he was not using me. I was dating other guys while this was going on, thinking nothing of it.
About 4 months into this mess, I met my current boyfriend who is everything I want in a guy. After about a month of speaking, I say to Dave ‘I no longer want to see you i’ve found someone else’ . Everything after that was great ( apart for Daves attempt to say that he is a better person to which he was no match to my current boyfriend). I was talking to my current boyfriend for 6 months before we did anything, everything with him was beautiful and special. I thought the dave days were over but i was wrong. Dave started doing what he did before, however this time I had no choice but to use the no contact rule in fear it might cause jealousy within my current relationship (Dave was spoken about between us however the frequency of the texts and calls caused some arguments).
It is now 2017 and I have been caught of guard a few times with him, i now receive random calls with no caller ID, I feel like the no contact rule would have been great if i wanted him back. But i don’t, i do not want to know him, a lot of things have changed over the years . What else can i do, when will he stop contacted me. Its now a laughable subject among my friends, they really think I’ve done something to him.
I decided to speak to him over the phone just to see what he wants, Why he needs to speak to me, the only reason he gave is to see ‘how i am’. I feel like he’ll be doing this for years. what do i do! sorry for the length of this post, thanks
Sage
June 27, 2017 at 3:43 am
I’m wondering myself about me and my bf/ex. We broke up because according to his schedule is moving in together had to wait. It’s been 7 months of waiting, with a lame excuse.
After a day he changed his FB status to single, and later on in the night, I broke the NC rule and called him.
He sounded great, said he was somewhat over me, and somewhat still hurt. He sounded borh happy to hear me and also mad/cold.
Now I’m confused as to if it’s salvageable, or should I move on, since he is standing his ground.
He did tell me in two days he would come do my lawn. Is there hope?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2017 at 5:38 pm
Try to finish at least 30 days first. Start a nee routine during nc, maintain that routine after nc
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 14, 2017 at 4:55 pm
just dont respond ever.. if he becomes violent or threatening, or stalking you,call the police..
Angie
April 29, 2017 at 7:51 pm
Ok be prepared, it’s kind of a long one, and different from the others….
I went out with this guy back at the end of 2011, just for a week! Then as I didn’t think he was my type, I said I didn’t wish to see him again. But then a couple of months later decided, I had judged him too soon and decided to date him again. We dated for 4 months, he was always wanting to plan for the future, saying things like he could turn his loft into another couple of bedrooms for my kids. I panicked as thought it was moving too fast and finished it. 8 months later, after him begging me to try again, we got back together, again after a couple of months he started with the heavy planning again, even moving to a bigger house so if I moved in there was enough room for his kids and mine. I kept asking him to slow down, then one day a couple of months later, he came across a photo of a girlfriend from his teenage years and decided to contact her and send the photo to her asking if she remembered….. I felt uneasy, and could tell there was still feelings there. So I finished it again. Then for the next 7 months, he begged for me to try again, I said I could only be friends as I felt I couldn’t offer him any more, however we did sleep together a few times in this period. Then my Dad died, and I had to concentrate on my Mum. He asked if he could come to the funeral, I said no (as he’d only met my Dad once, and I was worried everyone would think we were together). After that I didn’t hear from him at all. Then I got a ‘Happy New’ Year message from him (2016) I was stunned, replied ‘Happy New Year’ back. Then nothing, until my birthday, (which is a week later) when I got a birthday card. I messaged, thanking him. That was that. He played on my mind, more and more….then I got a messsage saying he had got with someone else and felt compelled to let me know. I acted cool, said I was happy for him. But deep inside I was devastated. Then up it pops on Facebook…… he was with the girlfriend from his teenage years! (The one he had sent the photo to while we were together, confirming I had got it right, he did still have feelings for her). The trouble is, with the passing of my Dad, I had re-evaluated life…. and after the new year message and birthday card, it sparked feelings in me for him again! But now I’d left it too late, and I’d lost him for good! I realised, I had to let go, let him find happiness with this woman he had loved since his teenage years. So I stepped back. Even went out with someone else for a couple of months. (But I just kept comparing this new bloke to my ex) it lasted just 2 months, then I finished with him. A couple of months later, I’m in my local pub, when he walked in, with the girlfriend and one of her sons. We said hello….. I couldn’t take my eyes off him all evening, when they left, he came over and kissed me on the cheek to say goodbye. I was beside myself. That was in September, I did nothing but look up at the stars each night (when it wasn’t cloudy) and ask the universe to help me get him back. Nothing happened! Then at Christmas, ‘Love Actually’ was on the tv. This is his favourite film! And while he was begging me to give him another chance, he had sent me a picture from the film, when the guy holds up the sign saying ‘To me, you are perfect’. I don’t know what possessed me, but I took a picture of that bit in the film and sent it to him. A couple of days later he replied, asking if I had been drinking. I said no, I was soba, and it had reminded me of him so I sent it. Then a couple of days later, the film was on again……. so I did it again! The very next day he replied asking if I had been drinking again. I said no again, and sorry, it was just the way I feel, I apologised and said it was wrong of me as I know he is happy with girlfriend, and said my heart overruled my head. He said it wasn’t a problem, we all do it from time to time. New Year’s Eve I messaged him ‘Happy New Year’ and he messaged it back too. Then we had my birthday again and he wished me ‘Happy Birthday’ on Facebook. I messaged him, thanking him. Then contact became more frequent, with him telling me he feared he had bitten off more than he could chew with the girlfriend, she had a lot of baggage and health problems, as well as a drinking problem. He began to flirt with me in his messages, reminiscing about when we were together. I couldn’t believe what was happening, then she asked for a break, they were on a break for 2 weeks before they met up again and she finished it. He messaged me and asked me to come over. I went! And as you can guess we ended up in bed. I was over the moon! ……..But……. the very next day, he regretted it! I was so upset! He was so sorry, and guilt we continued to message, daily! Then he said he just wanted to be friends because he still loved the (ex) girlfriend. I was devastated again. I tried to back off, but I struggled, and contacted him again, we messaged on and off, then he invited me round, his daughter was there, I stayed for dinner and we watched a movie. I went home. A week or so later, I was invited again, this time my daughter also came too. Then he invited me for coffee, with his son too. Still all on friendship basis, apart from when he’s been drinking, then his messages are flirty. I was invited over last week to watch a movie, this time, just me and him. We sat together on the sofa, not touching!!! We ended up watching 2 films, chat was normal, not flirty. I came home. A couple of days later, I decided to question his mixed signals……. again he said he only wants friendship, he has barriers up big time, he doesn’t want to get hurt again and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. So I said ok, I need to get my head and heart used to the fact that we will never be a couple again. Then a couple of days later he asked how I was. I said good thanks, we chatted back and forth for a couple of messages, then he stopped again. Then yesterday, he invited me to the cinema, with him and possibly his son, if he wants. I didn’t reply all day, then in the evening with only about a couple of hours before the film was due to start, I declined his offer. I’ve not heard from him today. It’s his birthday on Tuesday and last night I posted his birthday card…… kept it simple, it was a card for a special friend, and I signed it from me and the kids.
My question is, do you think there I should any chance we have a future or do you think I do literally have to get my heart and head used to the idea of us not getting back together? XXx
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 30, 2017 at 12:26 pm
don’t sleep with a guy that you’re not committed with.. anyways, if you want try the no contact rule.. do at least 45 days and then take it slow in building rapport after.
Gabapentin
April 26, 2017 at 6:53 am
I mistakenly sent my ex an email and he sent me a really positive one. Then I called once to ask if he wanted to see the movie we both planned before. Then 2 days later he sent me a text saying he wants to go see the movie with me. What does that mean? Should I read into it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 29, 2017 at 10:12 pm
that’s hard to read, but it’s a good sign..
Ella
April 9, 2017 at 10:28 pm
Hi, my husband and i have been broken 1.5 months( he moved out a week ago. I initially had beg him to stay and kept telling him how mucb i loved him and that i would always be here waiting for him. That i believed in out marriage and. Our family we have 2 kids. Before he moved out i had agreed to be good friends for the sake of our kids but i decided to do NC and i was waiting for him to move out since he had already made up his mind. When he left i said i needed space and now he is really upset since i have only been in communication regarding the kids.
He is very upset as he feels he was lied to “we were doing just fine before we left now u cant even talk to me and ur text are one word answers” anyway i saw him when picking up my kids and he freaked out!!! Complaining about the same thjng that he never imagined my space meant NC and not caring about him” … so i guess my question is it a bad thing him getting upset really mad everytime he sees me because i dont wanna talked or doing NO NC… i did not arguedd back i just said i need space and he kept flipping and left all mad
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2017 at 8:04 pm
nope, anger means he still has feelings.. so, just remain calm, continue improving yourself and let him be.
Lily
April 9, 2017 at 10:26 pm
Hi, my husband and i have been broken 1.5 months( he moved out a week ago. I initially had beg him to stay and kept telling him how mucb i loved him and that i would always be here waiting for him. That i believed in out marriage and. Our family we have 2 kids. Before he moved out i had agreed to be good friends for the sake of our kids but i decided to do NC and i was waiting for him to move out since he had already made up his mind. When he left i said i needed space and now he is really upset since i have only been in communication regarding the kids.
He is very upset as he feels he was lied to “we were doing just fine before we left now u cant even talk to me and ur text are one word answers” anyway i saw him when picking up my kids and he freaked out!!! Complaining about the same thjng that he never imagined my space meant NC and not caring about him” … so i guess my question is it a bad thing him getting upset really mad everytime he sees me because i dont wanna talked or doing NO NC… i did not arguedd back i just said i need space and he kept flipping and left all mad
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2017 at 8:04 pm
nope, anger means he still has feelings.. so, just remain calm, continue improving yourself and let him be.
Antares
March 29, 2017 at 11:43 am
Hi, my ex boyfriend for 3 months broke up with me last sunday. In 3 months everyday were together and were so comfortable with each other, yes theres a lot of fight in that 3 months due to my trust issues but he always understand me and insist that let forget about it. Last week, we fighted for 1 week different matters but we fixed it. So we waited for the weekend to be together as it is our routine everyweekend were together watching movies and sleep. He also having a family problem which he cant share with me so im not pushing him to tell and respecting the decision. He also said that he dont like me to do anything about it and just be with him, which is my fault because i cant understand him lately, i only focused with my feelings, i jumped in to a super wrong conclusion and over think everything. I get depressed so I decided to be alone as i go to coffee shop i keep crying because i feel empty and i feel that he’s avoiding me. He called ask where am i its raining he push me to go home i said after i finish my coffee i will go home in 15 min. After we cut the phone i decided to off my mobile and give 1 more hour to myself to think and relax also im avoiding to cry everytime we had a fight i kept on crying. And then i reached home i turned on my mobile i received a message are you home? I said yes and he called he’s super upset as we keep on arguing late at night he turned his point of you 360 degress as he claimed that all of whats happening in our relationship is his fault. He’s in this world just to make me sad or sacrifice which is not true. He pushed me away and his voice is decided to leave me and tell that were done and no need to meet as were done. I keep on pushing him to come back to me to talk to til he blocked me on whats app and unfriend me on facebook. After that night i stop communicating with him in any forms. Today is the 4th day of our break up he called first my roomate to ask for a favor about my things i have in his house and my friend refused to do so, i didnt expect him to call me but he called and i answered his voice is so calm and i keep my voice calm pretending that nothings happened he ask when and where he can drop my things back and then i said whenever youre free and i said you can drop it at home and we agreed thank you take care and bbye to each other. Now, i feel so lost and down as i feel that hes so decided to finish everything about me. I dont know how to act when we see each other for my things. I just subcribed to your book last night and it helps me a lot, im just starting to read it and i lose focus when he called which i just read not to answer. I just read it, too sad. Now, i dont know how to react when we see each other again if ill be happy or i will show my real feelings that i really miss him and i want him back. If i show that im okay after the break up he might feel that the break up is the best decision because im happy not crying and not sad. Im confused. I really want him back. I know were only together for a short period of time but i really loved him. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 29, 2017 at 3:16 pm
Hi Antares,
you can’t emotional when you see him in person. As you read more on the book, you’ll understand it. Check this one too:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule
Fancy
March 28, 2017 at 5:53 am
We dated for fice months and he was deeply involved. He talked about marriage and took me home to meet his parents. He was really open with me and I know he liked me. I liked him a lot but I was broken from my last two relationships and i just wanted to be sure he was not a pretentious person. I broke up with him three times in that period but will come back after a day or two because he would reach out amd still want to try. One time i lied to him that i was breaking up because i was seeing someone else. He asked for another chance and that he would forgive me. I eventually told him the truth. In summary, i just played a lot of silly games so I could see how much he cared about me. I was nice to him during the relationship too because tgat is who i am. I just allowed fear ruin things. He broke up with me in February and for the first time, I begged him so much. I begged and begged and called his mum and friend to beg but he insisted. Unfortunately i had trusted and fallen in love with him and i was willing to be as open and vulnerable. He was buying a house and he involved me in the whole process and even considered the things I preferred. I know i lost out on a good man. I knew he was stressed when he was looking for a house and I found out i was pregnant. He had talked about how much he never wanted kids outside marriage and he told me to use the pill but I used it late. I honestly did not know what to do amd i did not want to dis stabilize him in the final stages of house purchase. So i did not tell him. I had an abortion and it was painful and stressful but i kept mute and would keep encouraging him. After a month we broke up, i called him to tell him, he was mad at me for not taking the contraceptive then he was even more mad that i hid it from him. He said i had a wrong approach with a good intention. And that that just shows him that we cnt be together. He said he would hav suggested we take it out but that at least he would have known. Makes sense but at that time, I thought i was being strong for us. He has asked that i stop talking to his mum and friends and that i should not text him or call him because we both need to heal and move on. He also said he is taking time to just chill and be ready for when he meets another person. I asked about our pictures, he said he deleted them and trashed the physical ones. I asked if he misses me, he said sometimes. I decided to go no contact. I am 17 days into it and i have gone on four vacations and posted on social media.
I also just lost my job around that time so i was very very emotional and hormonal. I know i was at fault but honestly I expected some kind of compassion from him. I know i hirt him so much but do you think this can be restored (he has said we had zero chance of getting back). And is no contact the way to go in this situation seeing that i hurt him? How long should i do no contact? I have been working on myself seriously and taking notes on how to be better.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 28, 2017 at 6:16 pm
Hi Fancy,
do at least 30 days..
Emily
March 10, 2017 at 3:11 pm
My ex and I were together for 6 months before he broke up with me. His reason was because he felt that it was “God’s will” after he had spoken with a number of people he trusted who told him he should wait to date. -_- Yeah, so…we have been talking because I couldn’t complete the NC rule because I literally see him at bible study and our pathfinder sessions and it was killing me. He did he angry though when I ignored him for three days. He’s been really dickish lately though, especially yesterday when he started a fight with his guy friend playing an online game. I had invited this guy friend to come over and hang out with me the next day and I mentioned it in passing to see when he was coming over in front of my ex. My ex was like “you two are hanging out?” So I said “yeah…you can join us if you’d like.” and he said “Where? When?” So I said we were gonna hang out with my best friend the next day around noon and then possibly go to game night at another friend’s house. To which he responded “oh, well I already promised to go to game night…so I guess I’ll see you guys there.” And it was after that that I think he started being really dickish during our online game. He disconnected from the voice chat saying that we were tilting him and he needed to listen to some “nice jams.” And then in the next game he started arguing with the guy friend about “who made you the boss? I also made a call. Like, I’m a human with free will, I don’t have to listen to everything you say…blah blah blah.” So this pissed me off, and I had remained muted during this next game to avoid tilting him…but as soon as we were done I literally yelled at them both, but especially him and said “Q, shut up! I’m sick and tired of this attitude you’re giving everyone! You’re both fighting over nothing, it’s a game! I may not have game sense, but I do have team sense! So before we play another game we need to make the decision about who’s gonna make the calls!” I verbally apologized to yelling at him but he didn’t respond, so I messaged the apology to him and he was like “nah, you’re fine. If that had aggravated me then there really would be a problem.” (Okay.) so I said I didn’t believe that because he wasn’t responding. So then he said “ok, well you do you I guess? You don’t have to believe anything I say. wait, so I can speak again?” I have a gut instinct that he was lying about that, but I don’t know…I left the voice chat soon after because I was too pissed off to play another game and then he switched to another voice channel from the group and played by himself. What does this mean? Was it an act of jealousy?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 14, 2017 at 4:09 pm
Hi Emily,
it can be.. how old are you both? Do you mean he’s not allowed to date yet? If yes, then that means there’s no other way for now but just to be friends..
mera
March 9, 2017 at 7:08 pm
Please i need ur advice
I dated a guy for a 3 years and we got engaged,
Through this period he broke up with me like 6 times and each time i begged, cried and yelled at him but he didnt come back and after a month he call me and we get back together
He said that he has alot of finicial issues in his life right now and sometimes he feels that he cant handle our fights thats why he breaks up and he loves me and bla bla bla
Now from a month a go he broke up again and for the first time i acted so cool about it , i didnt get angry or begged him or anything . I said thats oki and that i fed up too .
From two weeks he called me to ask for a stupid thing and called me again from a week (we had a business together so he wants some money from me, and i told him that first call to send me his account number to send him his money) so the 2nd call he told me that bank told him that i cant make a transfer right now so we can meet and take the money by himself.
I was so cool and i told him thats not a good idea to see or call each others again and i can send him his money with a friend and he said ok as u wish of course
After two days i sent him a text saying
I gave ur money to my brother and he will contact u
He replied please dont contact me again i have a girl friend now and he blocked me after
What the hell he wants ?!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2017 at 7:08 am
Hi Mera,
probably just to get a reaction from you. I assume you’re in nc right now but if it was not focused in improving yourself and in actively posting in social media,restart the count. You did well in talking to him about the money only, you can keep doing that..
Kelly
March 5, 2017 at 11:16 pm
Hi! I was dating my ex for 1 month in the summer, we had a lot of great memmories together. I thing I hated he always spent time with his friends, he even was taking them for our dates. One time he forgotten that he had a date with me that evening and said that he needs to go to the gym and i just was standing in the park alone. We broke up, because I wanted him to spend more time with me, than with his friends and gym. We had an argument, when he told me that he is not gonna meet me more than twice a week! At midnight next day he told me that he will try to change. Than a week passed and he didn’t call me! He just stopped calling me. I deleted him from friends and he approved (in the internet). Now it is spring (almost a year passed). And ….He wrote me. He asked me about my life and health.. He asked for meeting. I asked what the reason. He told that he didn’t see me for a long time and wanted to meet. He told that he didnt have a courage to erite previously. BUT.. He has a girlfriend… now.. and I asked him(during the meeting) if he loves her. He said yes. And what about me? He said that he loved me, but not now…What the reason??? Why he wants to be friends after such long period?…He even went for a walk today with me instead of his girlfriend…Why he follows me on social network?…Why he wants to spend time and says that loves her..Maybe he doesnt understand that he still loves me?and this girl is just a temporary substitution?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2017 at 11:27 am
Hi Kelly,
its unlikely that the girl is a substitute if its been a year already. To be frank, it’s a bigger possibility that you’re the rebound if they are having problems right now.
Nata
February 24, 2017 at 11:00 am
Hi. At first I have to say I dated long distance relationship. We were talking everyday or every weekend. Everything was okay till we meet. He was so good to me also when we meet. But I was wondering about his past and asked some kind of question about his past. I have to say I am inexperienced girl about relationship,he was my first real love that I really felt special feeling towards to him. He was saying that also to me.I was thinking asking his past and being open is the best way to be closer each other,that is why I asked about his past and while arguing I slapped him. I was so regret, I couldn’t stay offended and say multiply times “Sorry”. But I really didn’t know it is the wrongest way (asking his past) for him and after I came back my country he said he needs time to think. I was going on to say sorry,but it was not helping and cannot wait when we will talk again. I waited and never disturbed him. But in this time I created some fake account in some app that he uses and asked him there “Do you have girlfriend?”, he said “No, I’m here look for dating” . It was really bad and broke my heart. How i was believing him?! I said that it was me there and he started blame me not trusting him. He said he is done. But I really have no any other doubt before. We stopped talking from that day (4th of February) and 18th of February he asked “Very sorry to bug you,by chance did you end up with my passport?” I replied kindly and also said I will check again our home. I checked carefully home and replied him his passport is not with me. He was not also angry,but I don’t know what it means. Do you think He wants me back ? What I have to do? I cannot stop love him and don’t want anyone instead of him. Today is 20th day of no contact rule, he wrote me 14th day of it. What is going on with him?
Thanks!
Tiara
February 28, 2017 at 3:30 am
It’s been about 4 days since my breakup. He ended things saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship. It seemed so sudden, we’ve been together 4.5 months. I was away at college the last month of our relationship, I recently transferred closer to home though. He’s 18, I’m 19. His friends are very immature, he use to be almost too clingy…however, I was a priority over his friends. The last two weeks he always wanted to spend time with his friends who are also a bad influence on him extremely. I just knew that his love for me was enough. Last night I ran into him, it was awkward and neither of us spoke but I could see him staring at me for about 10 minutes off and on. I left and he watched me leave through the window. This hurts cause I know I truly did put my best foot forward to be the supportive and best gf. Idk where it went wrong.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 28, 2017 at 8:19 pm
Hi Tiara,
do you want to try the no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2017 at 3:51 pm
Hi Nata,
if the past days we’re not focused in improving yourself and in posting in social media, you need to restart the count. Don’t read too much on his text, because it might be just to check about his passport. check this one:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship
Sara
February 19, 2017 at 6:12 pm
Hi, I submitted a comment but it’s not appeared, so if this is a repeat I’m sorry.
My boyfriend and I were together for just over a year. We broke up 6 weeks ago, but work together. I started no contact two weeks ago, but working together makes it tricky; I’m his manager and I have a jokey relationship with all of my staff and I don’t want everyone knowing we split.
He started our relationship and pushed for us to trying despite the problems of working together, and he said he loved me first and quite early on, and also was the one who said he wanted it to be a clear boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. However when I suggested we move in at the end of his lease (which would have been 2 years into our relationship) he went quite cold. Any argument he backs away from rather than air feelings.
Then he ended it saying we wanted different things and he didn’t feel as happy and I was draining for asking him why he thought I was amazing/loved me etc (I have worryingly low self-esteem).
Initially NC didn’t occur. I contacted him a lot and he always replied. He told me to write it down so I did then he started calling me. He told me his mum missed me etc. helped me with work, lots. Then one day I suggested his contacting me was almost stringing me along, he got very angry, then I asked if he would reconsider us (he did not give a clear answer) and I haven’t contacted him since. He has text twice and he emailed me a lot of photos of a friend’s dog. One night after work we were stuck walking together briefly, I left without saying anything, he then stood across the street waving his arms until I waved goodbye.
We had a work night out, he sat beside me and he didn’t openly talk to me but kept staring at me. I asked him how his mum was then he just answered and that was it. If I spoke to someone else he stared. I moved to another table and he moved too and then made jokey mean comments to me. A friend realised I was upset by it so I sat with him, he bought me a dessert and my ex continued to stare. The friend kept asking me if I was OK, which got me more and more upset and got a little teary so got up and left for the bathroom to hide this. Ex kept staring at me but was talking to an unknown girl. I left soon after and he smiled at me and watched as I was leaving then I was chatting to someone outside and saw my ex was sitting behind me but not acknowledging me.
He hasn’t messaged me since. He once said the break up wasn’t as black and white to him as I seemed to think but he’s given no hint to me that he still cares or anything but I want him back. Initially I worried I didn’t love him the same way as I had loved another ex, but realised that this was a healthier love that was really good for me and I felt more connected to him.
Sara
February 20, 2017 at 5:43 pm
I feel like I was trying to improve myself, but I’m not very good at that kind of thing. I have focused on other areas but due to other things happening, that’s a bit difficult. We spent the day at work today being civil and no more, and I do what I can to shut down conversations beyond work, mostly because it results in me being a bit emotional or nasty. Then he went and bought me new stationery, so I gave him the money for it and he got angry at this demanding I give it to charity and I said he could do that but taking the money and choosing the charity he wanted. It’s all a complete mind mess.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2017 at 8:20 pm
Now, you really have to restart the count.. and it’s not about being good at improving yourself.. That’s not a skill.. I’m not insulting you ok? It just shows you’re not paying more attention to yourself, or loving yourself. Focus in improving yourself.. Love yourself. Check this:
The Ungettable Girl
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2017 at 5:29 pm
Hi Sara,
that’s ok.. I just erased the first one. If you weren’t actively improving yourself, you have to restart the count. And check this one too:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Courtney
February 18, 2017 at 2:31 am
My boyfriend (now my ex-boyfriend) broke up with me on Valentine’s Day (which was the day after our 6-month anniversary) when he went out partying with his friends while he was drunk and high. He sent me ya know like drunk texts and basically blew up my phone. I kept telling him to just go to bed, but he refused. He kept drunk texting me things saying how he was never good enough for me, that my sister was right, that I am now single, that he is going to be single on his birthday (his birthday is Valentine’s Day btw) and that he is going to be alone forever.
The sad thing is that I came up with cute things to do for him in honor of our anniversary, his birthday, and Valentine’s Day. I had made him a crossword puzzle, wrote him a sentimental essay about us and our future together, wrote him a letter, and made a poem for him in honor of our 6-month anniversary, Valentine’s Day, and his birthday (btw his birthday is on Valentine’s day so it is like a double whammy). And he did NOTHING nice for me in return.
It hurt really bad. I think the reason why it hurt way more was because we were best friends before we started dating. We had known each other for a little over three and a half years (so he was no stranger by any means). And prior to dating, he had confessed his feelings for me. He said that he has always had feelings for me but never acted on them because I used to see him as a brother. So with everything that happened, it just made it that much more difficult and I think that is understandable. He used to be much more open in the beginning of our relationship and he used to put in much more effort too.
All he did say to me is “happy anniversary” when we were fighting (he was mad that I didn’t send him some of the things I had prepared for him earlier even though I had already given him like 2 things which was the essay and crossword puzzle like a day or 2 before our anniversary). He was mad and could not let it go. Then on Valentine’s Day/his birthday (he went out with friends and was partying) and all he could text me was why I hadn’t texted him back and then a drunk “happy valentine’s day <3" prior to his drunken tired and then ultimately breaking up with me.
*** Side Note: We were a long-distance relationship btw
Oh and since the break up, I have decided to do the no contact rule thing. I want to focus on myself and what I want. He did text me like the day after and tried to be nice. I was nice back, but was short with him (I kept the few text messages very short but still nice and respectful. I don't think being mean or rude will solve anything even though he did me wrong). Apparently he has asked a friend of mine how I am doing. I guess that's nice, but I don't know. I want him to really think about what he lost. I want him to experience life without me being involved at all and without him knowing what is going on with me. Even if he were to change into a much better guy, he still has a lot to prove to me for me to even consider being his friend again talk less of us possibly dating again.
Anyways any thoughts, opinions, or suggestions would be great, thanks!
Courtney
February 26, 2017 at 9:49 pm
Hey Amor thanks for the response,
I wanted to give a brief update. So he send me a long text message about a week ago saying that he was sorry. It seemed pretty heartfelt. I told him that it was nice to see. I still kept my distance though and was responding to his texts. However, the last text message he sent to me was really brief and random so I think yesterday I have officially started with NC. I have yet to respond to his text message and I don’t plan on it either.
As you said, I can respond if I feel like the it is an emergency (I don’t have any of his belongings and he doesn’t have anything of mine either). If not, then I don’t see a reason why to. I want him to really take some time and think about how he chose not to have me around and for him to feel the effects of that. I also want him to realize how I was a catch and how he chose to let me go. I definitely think that being a better me is probably the best thing I can do not only to make him regret his decision, but for me to be a better version of myself and stronger than ever. Oh and thanks for your advise so far! I will try to keep you updated
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2017 at 3:23 pm
You’re welcome! That’s good! Keep it up!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2017 at 12:08 pm
Hi Courtney,
start the count on the first day that you stopped initiating and responding.. The only reason you can reply or talk to him is if it’s an emergency, have to exchange items that cant wait until after nc or if he says he wants you back..dont social media stalk him too.. just be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media
May
February 16, 2017 at 4:22 pm
I broke up with my ex bf almost a month ago due of my anger coz he doesnt answer my calls and he acted distant that is why i get mad and ask him why he acted that way but he doesnt want to explain why that is why i broke up with him after the break up we both us the nc but after i week i broke it off and sending him a message saying im sorry for the words i said with out thinking and he replied right away saying sorry too and he ask if we can be friends and i said yes we can be friends but i want to discuss our issue coz it just a misunderstanding of both side i want to discus what we want to make our relationship works and i give him space to fucos on himself and if he feels to contact me i am open after 10 days i message him how is he .. he ignored my message i try to call him once he also ignore im just wondering why he act that way and why he ignored my message i just want to clear things up if we can work it out in the future or not so that i can move on too with out hanging some questio left unanswered.. i didnt call or message him aftrr that coz im afraid it will just push him futher away..
Can you pls help me what to do? Im improving myself now and open on dating coz i dont want to show him im just waiting in the corner for him to comeback coz it might just help me to move on easier..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2017 at 8:56 pm
HI May,
that’s his way of ghosting you.. He doesn’t want to talk about working it out.. So, that means he wants you to move on. If you want, you can still do the no contact rule and try to rebuild rapport slowly after.
Jessie
February 15, 2017 at 6:53 am
Me and my ex broke up 2 and bit months ago. Its been a messy break up and for a while i kept asking him questions about us and stuff because i was left with so many unanswered questions. It wasn’t so much begging for him back but asking questions/hassling…
i go on and off no contact, and if i do talk i take a while to reply or be blunt. He still asks me questions to show he cares like “did you get with anyone”, “did i guy get you that”. Will full no contact still work? I think i can do it now, but is it too late? I feel like recently things have started to change as in, him slowly realising what hes lost however, he still has the best of both worlds..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 15, 2017 at 7:19 pm
Hi Jessie,
We don’t guarantee that it will work but the more you do it, the less it can help you. So, if you don’t want to move on, the best step is to stick to nc.
Sabrina
February 8, 2017 at 8:12 pm
My ex broke up with me two months ago, I followed the no contact rule but when I initiated contact and offered to be his friend he told me that he has been missing me so much it is destroying him. He wanted to know if I had started dating and moved on so he knew that getting back together was off the table. I told him that I wasn’t sure he was ready to try again and that we should take a little more time apart to make sure its what we both want. He messaged me a day later saying that he was going to be friendly but stated again that he missed me. I told him that life is really busy right now but if he could meet with me for an hour next weekend I would appreciate it because I would like to talk about somethings. He told me he would let me know if he was around to meet up. I don’t know what to say when/ if we actually meet up or how to tell if he really wants me. Do I lay my cards on the table and tell him we are either just friends and he needs to be okay with me moving on or we try again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2017 at 11:36 am
Hi Sabrina,
Im confused.. if you want him back why are you not building rapport? I think instead of asking or ensuring everthing, just do it. Just build rapport.. because take it like a restart. You wouldn’t ask your crush if he can assure you a relationship right? You’ll just build up rapport everytime you talk and meet.
Jenny
February 7, 2017 at 3:51 am
I broke up with my bf week ago we been together for a year .. we broke up before Christmas but I tried to get back together with him again but he said he doesn’t want to be with me but after that we had sex we get back together for 2 weeks but he so mean to me .. I know that want to me me leave him coz he want to be alone for now he say he want to focus on his self right now … but I don’t understand why every time we meet he always ask me if I talk with any guy n I told him the truth I’m talking to a couple guy n he get jealous .. n every time i meet him he treat me very nice like our first date we had together .. I don’t understand why he does that I Don’t know what he thinking if I ask there is no reason we have to be apart just get back together but he said he doesn’t want to be with me … I want to get back together with him again this is my relationship I have n I’m older than him 4 years i’m 28 n he 24
Jenny
February 7, 2017 at 11:10 pm
Plus after we broke up we still hang out every week but I’m the one who reach him out first ..coz I misses him so bad n I want him back to my life again .. he is my first relation I have
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2017 at 12:35 am
it will help if you really use it to your advantage…stick to it, improve yourself and heal. Aim to be the ungettable girl..Do at least 30 days.
Jenny
February 7, 2017 at 11:00 pm
We broke up coz we fought to mush n he said he get numb plus he want to focus on his life first.. but I ask him why he just can do it together I will support him but he said he Don’t want to .. n last time I was drunk n went to his place .. n he said he doesn’t want to be with me anymore ..even be friend he said he don’t want to deal with me on his life .. I will start do NC after we go to church together this Sunday .. do u think NC gonna help we get back together ?? N do u think whice one I should use 30 days 60 days or 90 days ??
Jenny 35
February 7, 2017 at 3:54 am
I mean 3 weeks ago
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2017 at 7:58 pm
Hi Jenny,
That can mean he still has feelings, why did he break up with you? Are you going to do the no contact rule?
Morgan
February 6, 2017 at 10:44 pm
My ex recently told me that he wants to be with me but is unsure if getting back together is the best decision for us. He still says he loves me, acts the same as when we were together, etc. Does he actually want to be with me or is he just dragging me along?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2017 at 6:25 pm
Hi Morgan,
maybe he does want to, but if he can treat you the same way without commitment, then why would he commit?
Sherisse
February 5, 2017 at 7:58 pm
My ex and I have been broken up since December 7th and that’s when I started no contact. I am too afraid of rejection so I have been hesitant to reinstate contact directly. However indirectly through my snapchat and other forms of social media I have been sending hints to him that I still love and care for him but I am making the steps necessary to move on. Just yesterday my ex has sent a mutual friend of ours to my job to inquire about my true feelings. In the process of catching up with our friend he brought up my ex. “How is work working with you to?” (By the way I work with my ex) I informed him that we do not talk and that we are civil to one another. Since I was still working I couldn’t finish talking to him so I sent a text “The sad thing is he messed up a lot in the relationship but I always forgiven him. If he was to come back I know I will welcome him with open arms. He knows whatever he chooses I will support him anvd not fight him on it. That’s why our break up talk was calm. It’s just right now I love him to much to be his friend. But I can be civil.” I sent that text knowing he would show my ex. Suddenly that night out of the blue my ex starts showing up in his snapchats to get my attention. Is this considered a warning sign?
Sherisse
February 10, 2017 at 6:44 am
Given my timidness due to fear of rejection, how would I push him to talk to me? Should I stop feeding him information on social media?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 10, 2017 at 5:58 pm
hmm actuallt you should use the no contact rule and social media to make hin regret through your improvementa and not chase..if it’s just subtle clues that you miss something that’s ok but if it’s so obvious, then you have to restart count.. And if you really don’t want to initiate contact, the best you can do is to set a limit on until when you would wait
Sherisse
February 6, 2017 at 1:10 am
What should I make of him having his friend talk to me? And I should probably not keep looking into him driving past my house either.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2017 at 1:35 pm
it’s still a good sign, it means he’s curious
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2017 at 10:47 pm
Hi Sherisse,
it’s too subtle to say that it’s a sign he wants you back..
Mel
February 5, 2017 at 11:42 am
First sorry for my english! 🙂
So,I met a guy when i was 17 (now im 20)..
We were studying togheter for a year , and we were seeing each other like once or twice a week in college.
I loved him , and still love him.. hes my first love.
And i guess he loved me too.. and i wish he still loves me if he loved me back then..
He was a shy and quiet person. He was that kind of a person that you dont really understand what he think.. whats going on in his mind.. he never asked me out .. or something.. like we were seeing each other only in college..
but im pretty sure he loved me, or at least liked me cause i saw some signs .. liked trying to touch me.. to sit next to me, if some other guy were talking to me he was in some kind of way.. and etc’ ..
Ive always tried all that year to kind of be with him one on one, like just wanted to know him.. like even sitting and just talking.. you know.. and i never had a chance..
by the way ,when im saying that “ive tried” it wasnt with actions.. it was more like tried from inside of my mind(like was getting crazy that “ask me out please!! Or say something that a man need to do” ), than in actions.. cause i didnt really knew how to do that.. cause first i wasnt sure that he liked me, cause yea i felt that he does , but , that voice inside of me were saying “yea.. whatever..”
Like i really tried like a once or something to call a couple of friends from college, that it wouldnt be so obvious.. and that i will be more with him. And sometimes when i was with friends i was saying like lets go out someday! But we didnt go out..
And so until one day, that day was weird ,in a good way.
we were getting down the street to the bus station with friends.. and that friends before they were getting on the bus they were smiling and laughing about us being togheter in future and etc’,
Before that day some girl just asked me if i have a boyfriend.. funny huh!?
and then that moment that they went on the bus
I stayed with him(though i could go on that bus too) and just asked him if he wants to had a walk with me to the metro .. he laughed and said that its too long to go there .. (it isbut who cares;)) and he said, lets go on the bus station above (i didnt care at all to going any bus station.. anywhere! And everywhere! Like i didnt even thought like why im going .. like its far for me )
We were going to the bus station above, and then i found myself walking with him, we were having a long beautiful walk and he taked me to a park 🙂 i was sooo happy that im having a conversation with him.. that we are walking togheter .. and it was funnn!!
And then we sit somewhere in the park and then we were sitting hugging each other (he had a nice trick, he tickled me ;)) and he said that he love me, i didnt say anything .cause i was really shy, i didnt even looked in his eyes when we were sitting hugging each other and talking ,
and then we kissed!
I was like.. finallyyyyy !! He do loves me too!
After that .. the first week i was calling him everyday,once a day.. i just wanted to talk with him..(btw i didnt saw him All that week cause as i said i was seeing him only once or twice in college)
He didnt call me at all , and i didnt really care.. but he was talking with me with fun..
by the way,everytime i was calling him, i was asking him, if im bothering him.. like maybe he doing something and he cant talk , you know.. i didmt want to get on his nerves.. i dont know.. but i was kind of expecting that he wont say “yes youre bothering, call later” , though there is nothing wrong with that, but i didnt really had any experience.. like my experience was from movies , anyway ,he didnt say anything and we talk.
But the end of the week, like always , asking him again “im bothering!?” And then he said “yea you can call later!?”
And i get some attitude about that ,from stupid thing , that im asking by myself! but i said normally, “yes” , and ive tried to call later, wanted to talk with him, and on the side – expecting that maybe he wont answer, cause i dont want to bother … his phone was off.
Day after i saw him in college(after all that week of not seeing him after the day we kissed) and i didnt talk with him, and he didnt talk too (btw we had an agreement of not saying anything to anyone in college, so he didnt really could understand that maybe something happend). End of that day in college, he called me, i was in class, i couldnt answer, then i saw friend of us, and asked him where is he, he said that he will come in a minute , hes in toilet, he came and i asked him in some kind of a tone “you called me, what you wanted!?” (How stupid am i?!?!? Getting angry about stupid thing, and getting an attitude about that.. like wtf!?!?!?) he said “i just wanted to know where are you”, i didnt say a word. We were going to the bus station.. then the bus came and i just went without saying any “bye” or something (rude). And after that, all that week, i didnt called him, he didnt call either.. and that week i had a lot of thoughts about not wanting to be with him… cause im because of that stupid, pathetic anger i was kind of out of that bubble of feelings that i had (at least thats what i tought that moment ) and for that thoughts , came more stronger thoughts, more like a fear. A fear of “wait im getting this year back to my country… i dont want to be with someone that i love, far from him.. i dont want to miss someone, and not be able to see him.. ” and i thought that if im being angry, it will keep me safe from thinking about him, and keep me from being sad .. and i had that fear.. and the fear made their moves. A bad move..
i decide to “break up” (its funny that im saying break up, cause it wasnt that we were together that much .. ;)) and i remember i came to college , but i didnt had the courage to take him aside and talking with him about that..
Then a couple days after or something, he answered to me on facebook ,on message that i wrote long time ago ( he wasnt using si much any kind of social media) and in some sarcastic way i wrote to him “thank you for answering after a 100year” . I didnt thought that he would say something about that(but im mean why not.. im acting in a stupid way.. hes not stupid, he understand) , and he said that i need to relax cause i didnt act in a beautiful way lately.. and then we started to argue
And i saw a “chance” of “breaking up” and .. i did that in the most horrible way.. and he said that its not something that we need to talk about here.. (true) ..and i just didnt talk in a nice way.. like all this way of getting angry about stupid thing .. just it wasnt nice!
I remember him , he was soo angry about me when i was seeing him in college.. and he never said a word to anyone about me.. and was acting like a man should be.. i remember seeing him and wondering “omg.. god, i love him,did i did a mistake??” But that fearrr .. that fear was soo strong that i didnt did anything and moved on that moment.. cause i knew that i will forget him right after i will go from here..
But its bullshit.. cause i always wondered about all this.. all the time, like what happend .. why i acted liked that, what about him,. And anyway so much thoughts! But i really moved on
Until now.. i still moved on and just everything normal i guess..
I went back to my country, needed to go the army,then i didnt went to the army, and i was in my country for a year, and come back to college, starting my 2nd year.
he needed to go the army too, here , and he was , for 2 years..and my second year in college here , was his 2nd year in army.. and in the 3rd year i shouldve seen him in college, But i didnt.
My thoughts about him got stronger when i was expexting seeing him this year(cause you know he finished army, so he need to continue college.. thats my logic) like thinking about him everyday, cause 2 year has passed, he finished his army and i kind of expecting seeing him in college, continue his studies .. so i guess i was getting more exctied about that.
But i didnt saw him in college.. and i wanted so much to talking with him.. that feeling was so strong , i wanted to send him a message.
i started to read in the internet stories and how to do that in a good way.. and the thing is that that last 6months until that message i was thinking about him more than the last 2years.. i got myself really thinking more in a deep way, more in a mature way, cause in this years i was thinking about him a lot and wondering and etc’ ,but this 6months until the message , i thought more in a deep way, i tried to understand his side, maybe what he thought..
I wanted to talk with him, And so i understand that i need an apology to him. and its a good way of starting the conversation.. like writing the important stuff and not getting the attention on me so much, getting the main reason of me writing to him..
I do thought that he need an apology from me, but i didnt think about that as the only thing that i want from that message.. like i didnt really knew what i wanted by myself, but for the first thing, it was just talking with him.
I wondered so much, if thats really what i want? If i need this in my life right now.. cause im studying, and this year im graduating my college, and going back to my country, and so many thoughts , that really looked the same thoughts that i had 2+ years ago.. but there is a different now that now im saying that if i will have someone that i like, i wont think so much, and not act like that at all.. of course i would think twice.. cause i still had a thing on that distance relationship , but will act more mature, and there will be communication.
So , that moment, september 2016
3rd year. I decided to write a message..and if after that message , we will be together or maybe we wont or whatever ,just lets try! And doing a step from a good feeling, and whatever will happend, im ok.
I send him a messege about explaining a lot of stuff.. and of course apologized . And saying that he was my first love. And i loved him, love him, and will always love him , cause as people say ,you never forget the first love.
And I said to myself, expect to the worse, maybe after that messaege he wont even answer, or will answer just “ok” or will be angry..
he answered, later that day (i was so nervous that i wrote that and immediately didnt enter until next day, that checking maybe he answered.. and he did answer ,but i didnt get any messege on my phone, weird.)
He said hi , i said hi.
He said whats up.. and asked about me, if i went to the army, if im still studying there, and if im here, i said yes, he said that its not good.. and acted weird.. said that he know what im trying to do, i was like “what!? What im trying to do..” and that with what im thinking?! Im like.. i dont understand what you want.. i dont understand.. he said that he saw that i became more smarter girl.. And then he said that ” youre not interesting me anymore, its too late, i dont like that kind of stupid things that you did, and im wishing you Success in life ”
I said “thank you, i think that is never too late.. but ok, thats what you think, and i understand, i wont say anything about that”
He said “ok ,bye”
I said “bye”
And that it.
I Still think about him.
I have no idea if i want to be with him.. and if i will do any other step to make it, cause he said it clear that im not intersting him anymore, and maybe he just said that , and he didnt mean that, maybe he does ,i dont know. I just believe that if you want something you do that .. and he said that.. and i guess thats it.. but still i have a feeling (maybe more hoping i dont know) that if he saw me , he would be different .
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2017 at 10:26 pm
Hi Mel,
I think it’s because in the letter, it was obvious that you’re still into him, and like how you started before, you were so crazy about him..
I think you need to check this:
The Ungettable Girl