How To Forget An Ex Who Hurt You Deeply Over and Over Again

47 thoughts on “Ways To Forget Your Ex Boyfriend Who Hurt You Over and Over”

Megan

April 9, 2020 at 2:09 pm

I have an interesting situation. I guess everybody thinks that. I have an ex bf that I work with. The breakup happened about 6 months ago. He was still dealing with the effects of his divorce and has a history of quickly jumping from relationship to relationship since then. They are all superficial, and come to think of it, his other friendships with just people in general are as well. He doesn’t let anyone in.
Anyway, it ended abruptly after he said he was seeing “multiple people”, and also after things had already progressed with us. I just felt betrayed, because we were building a friendship as well, and it was like none of it mattered. Like he just played the sympathy card and then dismissed me. He claims I expected too much, but at same time told me he never felt pressured by me. I never f-ing did either of those things. Now I just think he freaked out because I got too close. I told him this too and he changed the subject, which makes me think even more than I’m right. I was not able to go no contact right away since we work together. I literally had to see him almost every day since then. It’s been very tumultuous between us. He’s super hot/cold.
He started seeing his female friend within two weeks, and she herself had just gotten out of a 7 yr relationship. So she isn’t needing much from him. I can also bet that he is able to keep doing whatever he wants, and doesn’t have to go deeper to look at himself. Is it possible they are each other’s rebound? Can it still be a rebound if they knew each before? He still has never mentioned this new girl to me, in fact makes it a point not to. I don’t want to talk about it. But I know about her. He’s been in therapy for the divorce but I still think it was just a way to get someone to listen to but not really making an effort for real change.
We are now stuck in this Covid lockdown. Not together, however. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since March 17. The thing is, we had been doing better in the weeks prior, about 3. Starting to kind of be friends again.. We had a long hug and his arms lingered on me like he didn’t want to let go. He wanted to keep in touch over this time we are quarantined. I reached out, as I did with a few other people from work to be supportive. It’s a hard time all of us. The restaurant industry is suffering. He never responded. I reached out once more, a week later. No response. I’m wondering if he realized we still have a connection and it scared him. I guess I am going to leave it alone until we get back to work. Maybe use this time for no contact. Even though it’s delayed. There’s still a lot of pain between us. It honestly breaks my heart and I’m not sure what else to do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 20, 2020 at 3:30 pm

Hi Megan, while this guy is dealing with his divorce and jumping from person to person it is him not facing his own issues. While he jumps from one to the other this makes everyone he comes into short burst relationships with a rebound. Once the honeymoon phase passes and the exciting new feeling of a relationship he moves on to the next. He has openly told you he is seeing multiple people at the same time as you, and most likely with this new person too. So he has no intention of settling down soon, he is in therapy and what he goes through there you can not assume he isnt making progress. But I can imagine the fact he is not replying to you when you are reaching out is because he knows you want more than what he is ready and willing to give right now

Paige

March 30, 2020 at 6:12 pm

I found out my ex boyfriend was messaging another girl 6 months prior whilst we was away travelling asia.
I decided to back my bag and return to the uk. During this time he continued travelling.
3.5 weeks later he messaged me saying he missed me and paid for me to fly out to bali telling me he felt it would make us stronger. When i arrived, i think we was both just so happy to see each other. Within days i noticed he was always on his phone and quite quiet at times. I felt like he had made 0 changes to show me he was “sorry” or changed.
It just felt like nothing had happened and as if it was brushed under the carpet.
I then found out by looking on his phone he got with someone during the time i left and messaged her saying ‘hola guapa’ whilst i was in bali. When i questioned this, he lied to me Until finally saying sorry. I agreed to just stay with him for the remaining time but in hostels and insinuated i deserved better. During this time he either barely spoke to me or kept flirting with me/being affectionate.
When we got back to the uk together. I took 24 hours to myself and decided to message asking for clarity. In this message i said i deserved better but if hes willing to change then i can see a future.
What i got back is he felt bali didnt go as expected and he didnt want to hurt me no more.
Im aware i deserve more but im just so upset someone can be so confusing and toxic.
Where’s my Dog

March 22, 2020 at 6:52 am

My ex & I were best friends for years. He pursued me for sometime, and we both had some insecurities to start. He became a daily fixture in my son & I’s lives and eventually, we became official after long time of me avoiding labels (trust issues from my past). I wanted to make sure this person would be there for my son as well as me. I went all in, and my guess is that at this point Ex was less invested. Fast forward three years, I received an amazing opportunity on the opposite coast. Due to both of us having big commitments that would keep us separate for the moment, he said all would be well. Not to worry about our lease, he would take care of my dog while I was away etc. He didn’t travel with us for our move as he had a work commitment ( I later found out he could have adjusted it). He visited a few weeks later and it was really awkward and he seemed despondent. It took me calling him out for the next three weeks before getting a text message break up. After 8 years of giving my entire life to this person. It’s been about a year and a half, now we’re in the same city and he’s refusing to give me my dog back and claims to care deeply. Didn’t help that I jumped into a relationship with a long term friend quickly after our break up, I honestly think my brain broke and I was and am very depressed over it all. Ex says he wants to be friends but still keeps me at arms length (just like when we dated. He’s a legit workaholic). Despite everything, I want to trust him but he repeatedly says one thing and does another. This was a lot of what happened in our relationship. How is it I still love this person? What the hell??
Gee

February 18, 2020 at 9:44 am

My ex was awful to live with for a year running up to the split. Everything was my fault, his business not succeeding – my fault, his daughter wasn’t happy – my fault, the dishwasher hadn’t cleaned the dishes ….my fault. Sounds simple but its like Chinese water torture. We had massive arguments about nothing! He wanted out ….I wanted to work through our problems …I know now its his problems.

It was in this time period he announced he didn’t want to marry me or have anymore children. He even added, ‘if he met the right women he would’ …..he just wanted to hurt me. Im 41 (he’s 43) so its game over for me. I feel like he dangled a carrot for 3.5 years and then just left when he’d sucked the life out of me.

We relocated to a new city and he walked out on me two weeks later, ended the relationship by text! I was then signed into a 6 month rental contract and stuck in this new city, where I knew no one! My son was settled in a new school so I am now living here for the next 8 years.

He moved home and bought himself a house…rang me up and said ‘its all about me and my daughter now’ you have to get on with yours! So I did …and guess what …he wanted me back….Ive just spent 6 months with him blowing hot and cold on me, such a confusing time and again more arguments. We’ve tried relationship therapy, but it just ended up being an hours worth of arguing every-time….. We even attended his aunties wedding and then 4 days later he slept with someone else (destroyed me) …he announced to me, it was none of my business and i don’t own him. We have had sex on and off …..he even slept with me a few times and didn’t ring for a week or two….so hurt each-time. He knows im lonely all my friends live 300 miles from here.

Every-time I pull away, he cries and says he doesn’t want to loose me! Wants to work through things and get more therapy etc So I agreed that he came and spent a weekend with me and we would do fun things together. We both love cycling, so i worked out a route of around 35 miles ….I loved it, he wanted to go back to the house (he was bored), I took him out for cocktails ….he took me out for food …but the sparks gone. It wasn’t a fun weekend, i felt like i was going through the motions of a relationship.

So im now in NO CONTACT after finding your site…..I think its been 11 days now and im starting to feel less hurt and confused. I am getting horrible flash backs though….The silence is giving me a birds eye view of events and its not a good view!!

He could be depressed! He could also be Narcotic …I have no idea!

Thank You for this site you saved me from a crazy making relationship. xx

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 26, 2020 at 10:33 pm

Hi Gee, it sounds as if you had a lucky escape and that you realise your worth so most definitely use this website and the information about Ungettable Girl to work on getting over the difficult times your ex put you through

Jay

January 24, 2020 at 12:48 am

I met this guy at the university during my 1st year second semester. He was in his 2nd year. We started dating and on the day of our 1st anniversary, I realised he was hiding and deleting chats. I confronted him and since that day, we had issues until he asked for a breakup. We dated for 2 and half years. I gave him my money, supported his graphic design business and all i got was him cheating on me and treating me like an option. He broke up after completing school. I paid for his national service registration and this was my reward. We were very cool as at that time. I was very hurt when he broke up with me so I blocked him everywhere possible to get over him. He called me to allow him to atleast check up on me. I thought he’d come back but all he does is checking up. Last night he said harsh and terrible things to me and I’ve cried all night. He always make me look bad but I still love him and don’t know what to do. I’m in my final year now

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 24, 2020 at 11:33 am

Hi Jay, the way he has treated you is awful and then to blame you is even worse! Learn that he has abused your kindness and you just need to block him and no longer speak with this person as he is going to continue to take advantage of your kindness and willingness to do things for him. Read the articles about being Ungettable and make sure you look after yourself for some time!

Regan B

January 13, 2020 at 7:35 am

I have a toxic ex who I recently began seeing and intimate with again. After we broke up the first time I slept with another person shortly after, and even though we were not together (because he had ended things- which he did about every other day or so) he sees it as cheating. Now, he is terrible to me and puts me down even more then when we were together. I am so depressed and unstable and he enjoys me being upset because then I will “know how it feels” even though our entire relationship he cheated multiple times just not physically. He punishes me with lack of contact at times after weeks of us being extremely close if I mention-while he is attacking-for it that we were not together. Our relationship is extremely toxic but I am so so weak and I almost must enjoy crying all day every day and being put down by him because I CANNOT let him go. He shows no emotion and gets angry when I cry and has for our (entire 2 years of dating) and I’m highly sensitive and he is cold. When we ended and he cut off contact I got back to my old self again now we had been sleeping together I lost 40 pounds again, can’t sleep, cry constantly, feel so disgusted with myself and feel worthless. But CANNOT let him go. Please a huge sos over here I’m miserable, lonely, betrayed, scared, pathetic and depressed. Any advice or tips, anything at all would mean the world to me, feel free to contact me or ask any questions at all. Really looking for a helping hand I have no support system and work nightshift and basically have no social interaction or contact.

Sincerely,

Pathetic weepy sad mess

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 18, 2020 at 4:22 am

Hey Regan if you find that your ex is toxic then you do really need to move on. Moving on from someone who has treated you poorly is much harder than people realise as we start to get addicted to the need for them to be nice to us. What you need to do is block this person on all medias and focus solely on how to get over them and how to build yourself up again. Acknowledge that you are going to take time and it is work that sometimes you feel you cant do, but you really can! Look up the post about the Ungettable on this website, this is essentially what you are goign to do but without the end goal getting your ex back. Make sure you force yourself to go to work every day, eat healthily and get as much outdoor fresh air as you can because this works wonders for us! Find things that relax you, personally I love reading and drawing, find things that get your endorphines going, even if its a brisk walk outside. Spend some time solely focused on loving yourself.

Jaime

November 11, 2019 at 6:25 pm

Hi Chris,

In June, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. We kept in touch for a couple months then I implemented no contact for 30 days. I re-established contact after the 30 days because we were about to attend a friends wedding together and we wanted to make sure we were in a good place in such a close setting. We ended up meeting up and hooking up afterwards. Since the wedding we’ve slowly starting seeing each other again, and yesterday he said he wanted us to spend time apart. I don’t know what to do. I’m supposed to stop by his house to pick up the rest of my things and I can’t decide if I should move on or try another no contact period. Any advice would be wonderful.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 12, 2019 at 8:11 pm

Hi Jamie, so it sounds like hes gotten scared of the way thing are going. So I would pull back slightly and do another NC and slow it right down. DO NOT sleep with him again until you are in a relationship

Freida

July 13, 2019 at 8:11 am

Hi Chris-
My ex boyfriend really hurt my feelings, let me down and I am definitely trying to move on. Also ran into him with new girlfriend which is extremely conclusive to me that he has totally moved on.
My problem is a friend who has a “boyfriend” who basically she goes on and on about. However this man has many of the hallmarks of my ex – there but not there. They are “seeing” one another for over 10 years and there is no marriage. Also, to me, she is engendering the relationship with qualities that are not there. I do not want to hurt my girlfriend’s feelings but I do not know how to tell her “please don’t talk to me about your boyfriend anymore”.
The reason is because her elevation of this this man to a status he does not have (and she doesn’t either) makes me think about my ex all the time (he did string me along for quite a while
– but definitely not 10 years!)
Also, my ex was a guy who knew my friends, I knew his friends, we socialized together, etc.
How can I get her to stop talking about this guy? Her relationship is so dysfunctional, somehow it always brings my ex mind, and that is not healthy for me.
What should I say to her? “Please don’t mention your pretend boyfriend anymore” is too cruel, but it’s the truth.
They never go out on dates, don’t have overnight dates, he makes plans for his future that don’t include her (like moving to another State). I listen to her and I know she is “hopeful” so I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She may just live in that fantasy forever.
I’d just like to let her know that every time she speaks his name it reminds me of my ex all over again, which is not healthy for me.
I really don’t care what she does with her guy (personally I would never “date” a man for 10 years and not marry him – they see each other 2 times per month – that would not be me). I do not want her to feel I am judging her, I just want to protect myself.
So how do I get her to never mention his name to me? I have never met him and she has not even met his family and he has not met any of her family or friends. He is not in a similar work or social circle and it is unlikely I will ever meet him.
Frankly, I think the guy is a loser and she is hanging on to the few shreds of
affection he gives her. I suspect he will never “go all in”. We are all middle aged people and her narrative of her “love life” depresses me.
Sort of like listening to a person who is dating a married man. Very dysfunctional and sends my mind in a bad direction.
How can I put it to her? I don’t want to hear about this guy anymore. It’s not good for me to listen to her glamorize what is, to me, such a marginal relationship. If it’s good for her – great. I just don’t want to hear about it anymore as it disturbs me.
Thanks for your reply.
Rod

July 5, 2019 at 1:40 pm

I was her rebound. 4 months intense relationship until she dumped me. I waited 4 weeks and contacted her to have a chat. Very friendly at first and I went for the kiss which she declined. Then asked if we could start over….declined too. I had erased her cel phone and I asked for it for keeping in touch…..told me she would call me….of course she hasn’t in 2 weeks. So i went nc and in a firm commitment to ban her out of my mind. Chances of getting her back are almost zero i believe
Olivia

September 3, 2018 at 9:26 pm

I’m going to try and keep this as short as I possibly can, I guess this is more for venting (it helps). I started dating a guy around May of last year (he just turned 26 and I just turned 20). We instantly clicked, loved all of the same things, and we were both head over heels in love. But, I rushed into the relationship after just being out of a 2 year relationship with my former ex. I thought I was ready to move on from my ex, but I guess I wasn’t. I kept in contact with him while we were dating because he was begging for me back and I felt horrible, but kept rejecting him as I was happy with this new guy. Well, my boyfriend at the time found out I was talking to him and was pretty devastated. He said he couldn’t trust me anymore, but forgave me and we kept dating.
Our relationship lasted around 4 months total – he broke up with me in October, and then he abruptly broke things off with me saying he was going to be “too busy to see me”. Then he used another excuse saying that he just didn’t feel the same about me anymore…and then I found out just three weeks after he broke up with me, he was dating his ex again. I was heartbroken. It took me a good two months to get over him, but I can honestly say I was happy again. I didn’t hear from him or talk to him until he randomly messaged me in the middle of January. I guess he had split with his ex because he “couldn’t stop thinking about me” and he felt really bad about how he ended things with me. I was really cautious at first and honestly very angry with him. I had moved on from him and felt indifferent at that point so I forgave him. We met up and it took a while, but we did get back together. He admitted initially he didn’t think we were the right fit for each other and had a hard time trusting me, so he felt he had to end things but swore he’d stick around this time.
Come just a couple of months later, he dumped me again for the second time. He said that he just couldn’t be fully happy with me and that he’s tried but he just doesn’t feel we’re right for each other. I was SHOCKED. A few days prior to the breakup, he had been a little distant. He suffers from depression and anxiety and has very low self esteem issues, so his mind is always clouded. He hates his job and doesn’t feel like he’s where he should be success wise in his life and it takes a huge toll on him. So, he broke up with me for the second time and it was rough but I moved on. I knew I wasn’t the reason for his unhappiness because I tried everything to make him happy.
A short month later, I was the one who reached out to him. I wanted to check in and see how he was because despite all the hurt, I still cared. He ended up picking me up from the airport one late night when I was home from a trip and we got food and later on he confessed he’s been a mess and he really misses me. I didn’t even know what to think, but I ended up giving him one last chance. He promised he’d do anything to redeem himself and show me that he was here for me through anything.
Well, we only dated for 2 short months. We spent a lot of time together, almost every day. Went on a few trips together. And then we had a blowout in mid-July…I had some awesome news about my work come up and he basically dissed it. He was happy but it was the fake kind of happy. We had a huge fight at his parents get together and I ended up leaving – it was awful. My family got involved and his did too and there’s a lot of awkwardness. I really don’t think there’s any coming back from this at all. And not too sure if I even want that. We’ve been trying to hangout the past three days, but every time he said he would come over – he’s bailed. Saying that he shouldn’t come over because it’ll only create more pain for us.
Every time he breaks it off with me, it’s always the same story. He doesn’t feel the same, we aren’t right for each other, I’ll be better without him, we’re too “broken” to fix. It sucks and the worst part is I’m left feeling helpless. Worst of all, I beg him to stay. It’s now been two months since he dumped me again, but we’ve talked pretty much every day since (mainly because I initiate it). I have a hard time letting go and I’ve tried everything possible to fight for him. I’ve been fighting for him for almost two months now. But, it’s like he has this weird control over me and the worst thing is I feel like he likes having that power. He feels so low about himself and I feel like he feels better when he has me begging for him. Any thoughts? I can’t seem to get over him or stop communicating with him.

Again, I apologize for the rant !

Chris Seiter

September 4, 2018 at 9:37 pm

Its true Olivia….writing these down and getting it out can be therapeutic. So no need to apologize for your “rant”!!

Always best to be guided by an ex recovery plan. A lot is going on her with your case. Check out my program in more detail (see my home page for details).

Alex

August 25, 2018 at 10:51 pm

My ex ghosted me about 2 months ago. We were in an LDR (been dating for over a year) and I found out he was cheating on me for 4 months. He’s still with the new girl and I’ve been trying every day since then to go back to being myself. We’ve been in NC ever since it happened (he blocked me on everything) but I discovered a couple weeks ago that he unblocked me on an app that we used to use to communicate but he deleted my contact. I have the means to reach out to him if I want (the urge is there sometimes) but I don’t do it because he hurt me by cheating and lying.
I guess my question is, how long will it take for me to feel okay again? I want to move on but sometimes I feel like reaching out to him. I miss who I thought he was and what we had. He’s supposedly coming back to our hometown in December for Christmas and I’m worried he may reach out during that time or that he’ll never reach out to me ever again. I just miss feeling confident like I was before all of this happened. Right now I do want him back but only if he reaches out to me and shows that he’s changed. I’m worried that this new relationship may last forever or he’ll forget me. He and I both have maturing to do (which is why I’m not rebounding, I want to grow and work on myself) but I hope he and I can be together again in the future someday. I’m just not sure if that’s possible when he’s with someone else and I’m blocked on almost everything. I can’t reach out to him because I dont want him to feel as if I dont have self respect.

Chris Seiter

August 26, 2018 at 1:26 am

Hi Alex…I really think ghosting is such poor form by your ex. I am so glad to hear your focus is on working on yourself and healing. Take a look at my book, “The No Contact Rule Book” (247 pages) as I really go into quite a bit of depth about recovery strategies.

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47 thoughts on “Ways To Forget Your Ex Boyfriend Who Hurt You Over and Over”