What Does It Mean When My Ex Randomly Texts Me?- The Definitive Guide

242 thoughts on “What Does It Mean When My Ex Randomly Texts Me?”

mind games...

June 11, 2016 at 7:33 pm

Could really use some advice…

I have a long history with this guy ( over a year ) and we rarely go without communicating but due to my life ( I have things to “sort out” ) we have stopped talking on occasions. The first time I applied no contact and he came back around day 26 confessing his strong feelings for me. Funny because I was starting to turn a corner and was almost over him. Due to me needing to sort out my issues we have again stopped talking. This time I am set on straightening out my life and we have agreed to go no contact (again)… he contacted me early in the morning on day 5 and he asked if I planned on contacting him anytime soon. I responded to his recent message right away since I happened to be awake. Was that a mistake? I let him know how well I am doing and then he didn’t seem to want to have a conversation anymore and stopped responding (fell asleep). Was he just testing me? He said he was lonely when I asked why he reached out after he woke up and got back in contact. He has threatened to date other women and he is always on dating apps. He gets very angry that I cannot commit to him right now. I am so mad I responded but I only did it because we have arguments about me ignoring him in the past. I miss him so much I ended up calling him after he was very cold in texts and we had a brief interaction. He was nice but seemingly unimpressed with my progress and ended the convo “hope to talk soon”. When I realized it was going to take more on my part to get him back I mentally freaked out. Texted him a few times after the conversation ended. I asked if he was dating other women? After brief and more short reply’s I decided to let him be. Why would he reach out and then turn around to be super cold? I feel like I failed a mind game. He is always really into our conversations. Could he be dating other women and weighing his options. What do I do? How do I turn things around asap?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 16, 2016 at 11:48 pm

Hi mind games,

set it straight by tellin him youbreally need space for yourself right now and you’ll reach out once you’re ready.. and then restart active nc and be proactive in massive improvements

KR

June 9, 2016 at 7:34 pm

Hi Chris,

I don’t know what to make of this.

My ex has texted me 3 times in the last week and a half. First, how are you? Then how are things? Then last night, any fun plans for the weekend? I have replied to all three of these messages. The first we had a short text exchange. The second I told him about my weekend and asked about his and he didn’t respond. And then the last, he texted me last night asking me about my plans for this coming weekend. I told him what I was doing and then asked him about his plans. He hasn’t replied. Why is he sending me messages and then ignoring my responses?

Jj

June 21, 2016 at 2:01 pm

My ex seems to be doing this as well. Yet he wasn’t happy when I didn’t respond to his messages? I feel like he’s just making sure I’m hanging around for him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2016 at 8:45 am

Hi Kr,

don’t respond in his next text.. he mightbe testing how you are with him through text

SIobhan

June 8, 2016 at 9:49 pm

Hi! So my boyfriend of 8 months recently broke up with me about two weeks ago, he did the “it’s not you it’s me” but I actually believe him. More than one of our mutual friends have told me that he still seems stressed out or on edge during his day, and I do believe that he is actually going through some stuff. Its been almost two weeks, before I found this website I did do a little bit of begging and asking questions because really he didn’t tell me anything as to why our relationship was ending, there was no build up we were not fighting and we had plans for that week and the next, and honestly to me we were actually doing better than most weeks because we didn’t always have to be talking but we made time for later to catch up about our days. After I found this website I started the NC, but of course being so stupid he texted me after a week and a half asking how I was doing because I guess a friend of mine reached out to him, and I answered( I know stupid). He had asked me how I was doing and to be totally honest I didn’t want to use text message to talk so I suggested FaceTimeing, but he said he had too much work and it would have to be another time, I went on to saying “we havent talked in a couple of weeks and I’d rather answer your question of the phone you know I don’t prefer texting :)” and I’m currently waiting for a response. I’ve been hearing rumors of him and another girl that him and I have actually gotten into little fights about because they would talk kinda flirty, but they were friends before and during our relationship so I’m not sure if I believe the rumors. I plan on ending the conversation in a friendly way if/when he answers and restart the NC but I just want to know if I even have a shot?
Nicole

June 8, 2016 at 6:50 pm

Hi chris,
I broke up with my ex on June 5th, 2016. just a few days ago. We were together almost 4 years ago and broke up 2 years ago for the same reason. I feel like he doesn’t make me a bigger part of his life. Recently we had started talking about the possibility of marriage. I feel he is commitment- phobic and I am tired of going in circles. The first time we broke up, I did the NC rule and almost exactly a month later he called me and we started dating again. I still care about him and it is killing me that i broke up with him. I am trying to keep strong. My friends and family are telling me leave the relationship be and move n. I am trying to but deep down I can’t let go. He has been texting me, telling me to have a good day and telling me random stuff. I asking with very short answers. Please give me some advice. I am trying my utmost best to invoke the NC rule again.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2016 at 9:35 am

Hi Nicole,

why did you break up?

Lockheart

June 7, 2016 at 9:59 pm

Hey Chris i have a question for you
At March 22 my ex boyfriend ( gerniral broke up )with me and March 30 he send me this : Hey —- how have you been?
So why did he do that ? We been together 4 years and im worried if the NC won’t work for me
Im doing my best trying not to be too available to him and i still in love with him
I feel lost now

Chris Seiter

June 8, 2016 at 12:26 am

Old habits die hard. He probably is so used to texting you that, that’s why he texted you. I would say that the no contact rule is right up your ally.

Jennifer J

June 7, 2016 at 12:20 am

My ex doesn’t randomly text me, he randomly “likes” my social media posts. Usually tweets, sometimes Facebook statuses, occasionally pictures. We broke up two months ago. I ran into him once, a few days after we broke up. We spoke then, just awkward small talk. I used to play the game where I liked his posts back but I haven’t in about a month. I haven’t reached out to him at all. We broke up mutually, never had any sort of angry falling out, things just kind of fell apart. I don’t really know what to make of his “likes.” Sometimes I wonder if I should reach out, but I also don’t want to seem like I’ve given in and seem like I need him back. I miss him sometimes, but I don’t need him. I’m generally pretty happy. Additionally, I’m friends with a lot of his friends, was before I dated him so I still hang out with them. He’s never been there… but a lot of what he “likes” are interactions between me and his friends on social media.

Jennifer J

June 8, 2016 at 1:11 pm

Update: I gave in and texted him last night , nothing fancy just asked how he’d been. He admitted to keeping up with my social media and said he’s really glad to see I’m doing well. He was friendly, told a few jokes, even triple texted me at one point. I cut off the conversation after we’d exchanged like 6 texts each. He seems to be doing well too, has is priorities much more in order than the last time I spoke to him. He expressed he was really glad I reached out to him and wished me well… I didn’t respond to his last texts. It was a nice conversation. I don’t really have any inclination to text him again.
Jennifer J

June 8, 2016 at 1:13 am

I would love an article designated to this, especially considering social media is so prevalent these days.. I didn’t do NC at first, I played the game he was playing… I would like one post of his to every 3 or 4 of mine that he liked. Then I stopped caring I guess and I haven’t responded to any contact from him in about a month. He still continues to like my posts, but now it is 1-2 times a week. Before we were together, he used to like my posts all the time. He’s fairly active on social media. I never realized he was into me or thought about him like that until he actually asked on a date.

As for what I want… I’m not sure. Right now, I mostly want to know what his doing this means. I’ve thought about if I want him back and I go back and forth. I know he’s a good guy and we haven’t had any bad blood or falling out since our breakup. I know when people ask about me he responds respectfully. I’m happy without him though. I feel like I stay happy whether or not I’m in a relationship. I don’t like to be completely dependent on guys. We were together for only 4 months, but we were incredibly intimate. I’ve never felt so close or like I could be myself with anyone the way I felt with him. He was something special. So I’m unsure…
Chris Seiter

June 8, 2016 at 12:27 am

Ah… that might be article worthy. Him randomly liking your posts and what it means.

Have you utilized the no contact rule on him?

If so, did he like the posts when you were using NC?

Also, I am eager to hear about what you want. Do you want him back or do you just want to understand why he is liking the posts?

Lily

June 6, 2016 at 5:52 pm

Hi. I really need your advice!!! So after 21 days of NC (I was very strict in this and didn’t initiate contact with my ex), he contacted me for the first time but his reaction was negative. He suddenly told me today to stop entering the app for couple (that we’ve been using regularly in the past to share our love and thoughts. also this app allows you to see when was the last online of the other person) and checking him out on Facebook (he blocked me, then unblocked after few days but hasn’t added me back yet) and that I should look for a new guy. I don’t understand his motivation behind this. I opened the app but didn’t do anything, no sharing, no writing. I was a bit surprised that he just opened it. Probably because I haven’t talked or wrote him in the last 21 days. Moreover, I improved myself a lot such as changing my hairstyle, trying new make up, etc…in general becoming prettier and cooler. I even posted a really nice profile picture on Facebook yesterday following your tips, and not just the boys but also the girls were crazy about it. Thanks for the tips 😉 Back to the main problem, I didn’t reply to his text. He called me once right after that but I didn’t pick up the phone either. As I don’t know what to say and if I should break the NC rule. A little bit about our 5 year relationship. Though there were many difficulties (and fights of course) and we both have flaws, but it was a wonderful relationship. He really loved me and even changed himself in a positive way because of me. I also love him a lot and don’t want to lose him. We even talked about marriage before. But few months ago his attitude was different and we had several “little break ups” before the final parting. He said he didn’t love my anymore but would like to remain as good friends….and he will be there whenever I need him. What should I do now? Please help! Thanks a lot!!!

Chris Seiter

June 8, 2016 at 12:29 am

Hi lily,

That’s actually the same name as my daughter except she has an extra “l.”

Did he leave a message?

At this point you can’t break no contact. BUT be encouraged by the progress you have already made.

Ivonne

June 1, 2016 at 7:05 pm

I am a bit confused as to what is going on with my guy. I am on day 12 of NC and have received no texts but I have received two calls. Call 1: day 6, just asking me to call him to let him know I am alright. Call 2: Day 11 again saying to call him or send him a txt to let him know I am alright. He had friend-zoned me after saying it’s him not me and we used to talk everyday. I didn’t want to be his friend and said all or nothing and have gone silent since. Now I am starting to feel bad since he sounds sad, frustrated, upset and slightly angry. Why the worried calls from him?

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2016 at 3:52 pm

It plays into my teachings on psychologal reactance. The truth is that it probably isn’t going to benefit you at acheiving your end goal for responding to him. If you just wanted to be friends then you could probably respond to him but I don’t think that’s what you want.

Westley

June 1, 2016 at 6:39 pm

Hello EBR team, I am back in dire need of some more advice. To recap, the guy I was seeing ended things because he was not ready to commit to a relationship (cultural issues which I now know, and fear of being hurt), and said that he thinks that things will work out better when were both ready and said he wants to remain friends until then. Now.. I took your advice and went into NC. I did it for 2 weeks and gave in because I heard he was not too pleased with me and had opened a “tinder” account. When I brought it up at first I mentioned that I felt like he had really let me down and that I felt like he was ruining the chances of us ever getting back together and he said that he was not ruining them, and that he was trying to remain in contact with me until I started ignoring him which made him upset/confused. He then said that he hopes this doesn’t change my view of him because he really loves me and thinks I’m great. He also said that “yes when the time comes we may get back together but that doesn’t mean were not going to do anything until we do get back together”. I then find out that he closed the account after our talk.

Now since then (about two weeks ago), he has expressed that he misses me, has told me that he loves me, and when i ask if he’s doing well he just says “I’m doing ok” but I notice that when I express any emotions like that he puts a wall up and doesn’t express it back. He has continuously said things surrounding “when we get back together” “if we get back together” and “once we do”. All of these statements had me feeling quite confident and I felt that it would be smart to try and build attraction and get him to chase me a bit so Ive made it seem as if I am completely okay with the break up and have accepted it and am trying to better my life and myself. While I am getting there of course. He stopped responding the last time I said that I was doing good i just changed the subject and mentioned that our old group should all get together soon and he says for sure. Ironically, his best friend who is also my long time friend messages me a few hours (whom I haven’t spoken to in months) asking how I am and such. I continue to just say Im doing well and have accepted it. He responds “well thats good, maybe it is best to just move on I guess, I hope you will stay friends” and I couldn’t tell if he was speaking for my ex or just responding to how I was acting. Then after a long chat of me trying to make it seem like Im moving on he quickly says “we should all get together soon” and when I say yes he immediately says ” okay great lets say saturday at ____” which he has NEVER done.

Should I be going by what he is saying, that moving on is best, or listening to my ex saying that theres possibility for us to get back together?
And since NC kind of didn’t sit well with him, what are my next steps?

Thank you in advance, you guys help me so much. xo.

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2016 at 3:53 pm

Ya… I hate to say this but the no contact rule… you really need to finish that. His opening a tinder account was a reaction to that. I think it was actually working. He felt the situation spiraling out of control and in an attempt to manipulate you he opened the account and let you know about it so you would go back to chasing him.
Westley

June 1, 2016 at 6:42 pm

Also, do you think that he maybe just wants this break up to “get everything out of his system” before getting into a serious relationship? I have a feeling that is it considering how long we have been seeing each other, and things were constantly amazing for years, very few downs.

Renee

June 8, 2016 at 6:02 am

Yea, I think so. I’ve been working a lot on health, wealth and relationships. I definitely improved my financial situation. I’m a little fitter and I’ve been working on my appearance a lot lately. I think I still have some work do over all. With all the back and forth I still have lingering breakup “pain”. Should I go back to NC? Or reach out to him like a week or so?
Chris Seiter

June 8, 2016 at 12:31 am

I have an interesting slant on things.

You mentioned that you utilized NC multiple times already but did you have any personal growth during that no contact rule?
Chris Seiter

June 8, 2016 at 12:35 am

You might want to try doing a soft reset.

Ignore him for a few days and then try to start up a conversation again.
Chris Seiter

June 8, 2016 at 12:34 am

By any chance have you taken our quiz yet?

There is an amazing email sequence that you get after signing up that literally tells you what kind of a chance you have.
Chris Seiter

June 8, 2016 at 12:33 am

Hmm… I would say that if you do bring it up only do it when he is in a good mood.

Try to do it when you are certain there is nothing that can put a damper on his mood.
Chris Seiter

June 8, 2016 at 12:27 am

He is lying…

The chances of him accidentally sending that to you is low.

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242 thoughts on “What Does It Mean When My Ex Randomly Texts Me?”