What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Leighanne

May 16, 2019 at 4:42 am

My common law spouse of eleven years decided March 20 th that he was in love with someone he met online three days prior. He moved out April 29th and I found out two days ago he’s moved in with her. I still have his kids (15&17 from his first marriage) living with me. I started the nc rule a week ago but broke down after two days to discuss the kids and to let him in home to get the rest of his belongings. I restarted no contact two days ago. With so much time and him now moved in with his gf of six weeks is there any point to the NC? I know I should move on but 11 years is a long time to just throw away 🙁

Chris Seiter

May 16, 2019 at 1:21 pm

Yes, 11 years is a lengthy period of time and sometimes those roots that get laid down pay dividends in the future. I think employing No Contact, though making exceptions around the kids, is a practical strategy because when done in accordance with my Program, a big part of NC is focus on your healing and recovery. It also allows for some time and space for you and he to reflect on what is best – and perhaps giving him a chance to realize how much he really values you. This online romance could be a grass is greener situation. So take a look at my Program as it can help you thru this process.

Rupali Ramteke

May 13, 2019 at 12:22 pm

So I had been hooking up with a guy for three months and it was the best 3 months of my life. We were really good with each other and I caught feelings for him. Hard. I loved the way he demanded pampering, where we stayed outside together the whole night, I sneaking into boys hostel to spend nights with him. His forehead kisses, his protection, as I was graduating and it had an expiry date.
He cleared his hookup terms and used to use tinder but checked my tinder too (?)
So I got really angry at him once and thinking this has no future and I’m totally one-sidedly going crazy for him, I made out with someone so that this infatuation fades and I just leave the college. Turns out I hated the makeout and I have fallen in love with him.
I decided to tell him the truth, since he dropped his exam for me, to hangout with me, despite thr fact I tried teaching him and I begged him to give it.
I told him finally that I like him a lot, and he told me it started with no expectations, so I told him everything honestly, how I made out with someone and it cemented my feelings for you.
The thing is… he lashed out at me. First he said it was only 3 months and he is not upset, then he said it was a dick move and he had a right to know. He conveniently forgot the fact that he hooked up with me when I was hooking up with someone else, and he was fine with it. Now the person I made out with is dead to him.
He also compared me to his ex too and I lost my shit. Fear of losing him became heavy. Before leaving, he apologized for saying mean things, and if I was enough for you, I would have been enough for you. But he was more than enough for me, I told him that.
It had been 2 days since he left and I miss him like crazy, even after the fight we spent time together since I graduated and he might not get to see me again. Our parting was emotional where he said he’ll miss me and hugged me tight and kissed me a lot.
I get it he’s angry for something I did, but I also believe its not my fault, and I have been totally honest to him. But I miss him. A lot.
It has been 2 days since I hadn’t talked to him, do you think no contact thing will work? I really thing we can do relationship, since our bond was really strong.
D.b

May 12, 2019 at 8:06 pm

Hi Chris,
Immediately after the break up I tried to call me ex in which he replied he didn’t think we should talk that night. The next day I said can we talk and he replied with how about tomorrow and I said okay, the next day came and he texted me hi, we can talk but he thinks there is value in waiting a few more days. I replied that I agree, now a few days have past I haven’t heard from him since but I am doing the 30 days NC. My question is after 30 days is up I want to have a conversation face to face, I will reach out through text but what is the approach I should take during that conversation IF he even replies as we did plan to talk but it would’ve been weeks ago by the time I reach out to talk once again.
Sienna

May 7, 2019 at 11:38 pm

Chris, at the beginning of this article you stated, “If you think I slacked off when writing this then just let me know in the comments and I will be sure to correct the problems that you see.”

Now I thought your article was great (as I love all your writing) and I don’t think you “slacked off” per se. But I do find two of your concepts to be somewhat confusing.

You state in this article that, “He will contact you… just not now.” But then you state that “[we] should make the first move no matter what.”

So my question is, if you’re absolutely convinced that an ex bf will contact his ex gf at some point, then why should the girl contact him after a NC period? Shouldn’t she just wait to hear from him?

(Especially if he’s stubborn and feels entitled to leverage)?

Chris Seiter

May 8, 2019 at 3:16 am

Hi Sienna…great question! My Program encourages the client to reach out to their ex in a certain way after the NC period. Just that process is an entire, even somewhat complex discussion on how best to accomplish that. So my feeling is that is better to have control of how things are going to move along and contrary to some other experts out there, I think waiting for the ex to reach out could be either be futile or the timing may be wrong. In some cases, the ex is reaching out in the wrong ways..or far too early…or far too frequent. And of course, as you point out, some exes just won’t. So when I said “he will contact you..just not now”, I meant to be optimistic that you will eventually hear from your ex as a result of your own efforts…that he will come around to eventually communicating.

Evie

May 3, 2019 at 8:40 am

I was in an on and off relationship with this man for about 1 year. He was always doing the dumping for petty things. I still stood by his side and did beg him back every single time because I loved him.We broke up constantly for 1 day or for hours but the longest breakups wer: we broke up the first time for 2 weeks the second time for 3 months (while he was in jail) the third time for 2 weeks. We got back and I could tell I was losing my sanity. He finally dumped me 2 weeks ago again acusing me of cheating. This man had major trust issues and I stayed trying to convince him that I never did anything. Towards the beginning I would cry for him but after all the dumping I became used to it. I no longer cried. It’s been nearly 2 weeks since I finally implemented the no contact rule for the first time for my own sanity and i am at peace knowing i was faithful and i was the only one keeling this relationship together. I do miss him I was extremely attached. But even after all this bs I wish he would for once come back to me. However if he doesn’t I know I will be okay. I am just disappointed at the fact that he didn’t have my back or trust me.
Gelin

May 1, 2019 at 6:38 pm

I was in a relationship for 8 months and I felt a slight shift from him. I ended things with him almost two weeks ago and I sent him an objective break up message. Basically I just need to move on and timing isn’t right etc and him shifting I felt like walking away was the right thing to do. He didn’t respond to that message… yesterday, sent him a funny picture and said that it reminded me of him and I saw on messenger that he viewed my message but didn’t respond either. So I am restarting the NC again until the end of May… So, reading this article, I must say he’s punishing me or he’s stubborn huh? He’s mad for sure because he’s giving me the silent treatment… I probably hurt his ego.
Rosie

May 1, 2019 at 2:53 pm

My boyfriend of 10 months ended the relationship 8 days ago and we’ve had no contact, si I’ve been devastated and completely down ever since. After my vacation of 5 days, he said he did not miss og think of me while I was away, so he believes his feelings are not there and he is not in love. During our relationship he never told me that he loved me, but neither did I – only out of insecurity of his commitment and feelings for me. However, I’ve never been in doubt of my feelings for him. My birthday was 2 days after the break up and he didn’t even congratulated me, though I really hoped and assumed he would. So I was quite disappointed. His birthday is in 2 weeks, should I keep the silence going or be a decent person and say HB-day? in addition, it should be mentioned that he is starting his own company this month and has been very busy with it for the past months, and I’ve been nothing but a very supportive and understanding girlfriend during this stressful period for him. I blamed his “absence” in lack of texting because this, however, he said it might also be because of his feelings… How should I move forward from this? Continue the NC and wait to see if he changes his mind? Another note is that he still has some spare keys to my apartment, but I’m pretty sure he’s unaware of that. So I will have a reason to contact him eventually.. Thanks for your advice.
Leandree

April 23, 2019 at 6:10 pm

My husband used to sleep out quite a number of days without a word, then I told we should rather divorce, he then said it’s fine but we need to talk 1st before we document our divorce,we spoke but not about divorce about how we broke one another’s heart, then he left for some days again, he then came and took most of his clothes saying he is disappointed in me,he will come finish taking his personal belongings and we will meet in court, since then I implemented NC he stared asking me to send copy of marriage certificate on my WhatsApp, I gave him, he then came to the house unannounced as usual, 1st time to buy toy for our son, stayed 30 minutes and asked to leave , he left money without my consent and left I only saw it while I was about to leave the house, but he didn’t say anything,I asked him and told me to buy toys for the son and I just kept quite after his answer, he later on asked me why did I ask, I kept quiet, and he keeps coming to the house but he doesn’t take his things like he said, and I have waiting for divorce papers till today it’s over 30 days now
Poonam

April 22, 2019 at 7:11 am

Hii Chris,
How are you Doing?
This is Poonam and I am one of those,who hasn’t been contacted, It’s been 21 days already. We dated for 5 months and It was always me, since starting who initiate conversations and plan meeting. In starting, he straight away denied for future commitments but as we met more and more, I felt that emotional connection built between us. I am 28 and my family is forcing me to get married.
We met last on 1st April and I shared everything and ask him, if he can meet my parents and tell them that, He is the one and we start a committed relationship and I can wait for him another 3-4 years. He is 25 and at the peak of making his career.
He clearly said that, he have lot of plans for his future and he doesn’t find me strong enough to handle everything but on asking him, if it’s his final decision. He said that my heart and mind has been struggling a lot. My heart keep pushing me towards you but my mind says that, it would be wrong on my side to hold you for so long. He said that,
He will definitely do his homework and if has to come back he will,
After that I didn’t communicate with him by any means and neither did he.
Brigid

April 21, 2019 at 2:00 pm

I’m over 30 days of NC and I definitely feel like my ex is the stubborn type. He broke up with me because of work stress, and I told him I’d leave the door open but it is up to him to reach out. I read the entire article, but since I told him to reach out I just don’t want to make the first move after NC. Especially because I don’t even know if it would be wise for me to get back with him, if he can leave so easily without communicating any issues to me. He keeps viewing my Snapchat stories and viewed something I posted on LinkedIn, and I haven’t been looking at any of his stuff. Do you think I should stick to my word and let him reach out first?

Chris Seiter

April 21, 2019 at 3:54 pm

HI Brigid….so if you are following my Program, you are certainly able to make the first move, but in a calculated way which I describe in great detail in my 485 page eBook. Check it out!

Wendy

April 18, 2019 at 6:06 pm

I was with my ex for only 11 months. I believe him to be emotionally unavailable (which is a different story), and he said he did not feel love for me and was not sure if he would (OUCH). I am on day 19 with ZERO contact. If he claims to not feel love for me is it likely he just will not contact me. This happened a couple of months ago also and we got back together and it was him initiating contact a few days after. I realize I should probably just give up on him, but we had a decent relationship otherwise, I would hate for him to miss out. 😉 Should I contact him after 30 days, or leave it? I read the article, I just wonder if he supposedly didn’t love me if his feelings just went away after I left.

Chris Seiter

April 18, 2019 at 10:33 pm

Hang in there Wendy….i know NC can be difficult for some, but it can also be uplifting. I think you should stick with your plan and if you need some help, feel free to check out my Program!

Maggie

April 10, 2019 at 12:22 pm

Hey Chris,
My boyfriend and I haven’t exactly broken up but we are taking a break this month (we lived together previously)
On April 7th we had contact to sort out if we should go to an event we had planned since before; during that chat he was very clear about how he hadn’t missed me during the first week of the break and he was just doing better and feeling happier, i.e giving a ”free at last”-vibe.

Is there still a chance that he will start to miss me towards the end of this month or will it take him longer?
Also, my birthday is in a few days and I’m pretty sure he will reach out to wish me a happy birthday – I should just ignore him, right?
priyanka

April 9, 2019 at 6:22 pm

hi.. my ex is in a new relationship from october2018. in February 2019 he promised me that he will leave her but after few days he blocked me from every where.. after 10 days he unblocked me and said everything has sorted and he will never leave me again.. but again after few days he blocked me and after 20 days he unblocked me but he did not contact me.. then I saw on social media that he is still with that girl. right now I am not talking to him.. I started the no contact rule 10 days ago and he is posting things against me.. I don’t what he wants and what is he doing to me. pls help.. pls do reply..
Melisa

April 6, 2019 at 1:59 am

Hi Chris,

My ex and I broke up 8 weeks ago after living together for 2 years. I did the NC and at 31 days reached out to him in the way according to your guide. No response. Does this mean he’s over me?

Chris Seiter

April 7, 2019 at 12:45 am

Not necessarily. Sometimes these things can take awhile to work through. Perhaps give it a bit more time in NC, then try another reach out text. But also keep moving forward with your life. Don’t think he has to be in your life to be happy. There are many paths ahead of you and fulfillment can be yours.

c

April 5, 2019 at 4:38 pm

my bf broke up with me 10 weeks ago. 6 weeks after he broke up with me he said he deleted all pics of us on his phone. We were together for 2 years however, He still has all our pics on social media..i contacted him 2 weeks ago strictly about an issue we had on our joint account.( which has been closed since then) i was about to hang up and he asked me how I was doing? we actually had a good conversation however, I haven heard from him since then.. last date of communication 03/23.
Kristin

April 4, 2019 at 4:31 pm

Hi Chris
My ex of 10 months broke up with me saying he needed a break to sought his life and I did send a bit of emotional text saying I wanted to be with him he just said I’m sorry. A week later he defriend me on fb which I was surprised by as I rarely post, stopped msg and never like pics or pages. Anyways I am currently on day 15 of NC. How bad is it when ex bf defriends

Chris Seiter

April 4, 2019 at 10:25 pm

Hi Kristin…So day 15 is about half way. So sometimes an ex will do something like that to get attention. Maybe he is feeling a little fussy about things. Just keep marching forward with your NC with a focus on your own personal recovery and growth. Feel free to tap into my resources and tools on my site!

Marissa

April 3, 2019 at 2:57 pm

Hey!
My bf broke up with me a week ago. We dated for a year. He messaged me the next day asking if I was okay and I had to call him to discuss plane tickets and credit cards. He messaged me about a necklace I had of his saying I could keep it? and then we talked about our plane tickets as well. After everything has settled I stared the no contact order and it’s been 5 days of complete silence. His sister and I made mends the other day and she’s wants to hang with me but I don’t think it will Be a good idea for my healing and especially with a no contact order against her brother right ??
Deedee

March 27, 2019 at 6:04 am

Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up a week ago because I was going through a childhood crisis that didn’t surface til the day we broke up. I started a fight and told him to leave he contacted me the day after but I was still mad because he actually left. But since that day it has been 7 days of NC but he keeps watching my post on ig. He knows I need help with the kids while I work but he hasn’t reached out

Chris Seiter

March 27, 2019 at 9:28 pm

Hi Deedee! So continue to follow your NC plan. Tap into my Program (EBR Pro) to see how it fits with everything you should be doing post breakup!

Naz

March 10, 2019 at 9:34 am

Hi Chris

I found your article very useful. I am currently near the end of my ‘no contact’ period and have not heard from my ex yet. Before starting no contact, I did try and get in touch with him as our break up ended on an argument where he actually blocked me on WhatsApp. He also said that he felt we would be better off without each other and that he wanted to be left alone. Well two weeks into no contact, he unblocked me on WhatsApp however, hasn’t messaged me yet. Also, I should add that after our breakup he did drunk call me and said he loves me etc and when I asked him about it the next day, he said he lies when he is drunk hmmm. It’s just so confusing. I feel like he’s playing mind games with me. He would look at all my stories on social media. Yet he acts like he doesn’t want anything to do with me. What were your thoughts on this?

Chris Seiter

March 10, 2019 at 9:37 pm

Hi Naz!

Its not unusual not to hear from your ex during NC. My Program as I teach it in my eBooks is for you to use a certain method in reaching out to trigger a little interest….a little start. Guys can be foolish in the things they say and do, particularly when they are drunk or even stone cold sober. And sometimes guys will act like they want nothing from you…but that is not always the case. Best to have an ex recovery plan. Go pick up my flagship product “EBR PRO” so you have a comprehensive Guide that can help you thru all this.

Sophie Bailey

March 8, 2019 at 6:41 am

I’m 57 days no contact. Yep. More than 8 weeks. He left me. I decided to cut and go silent – which included unfriending or unfollowing around 200 people on socials as I didn’t want to know what or who he was doing. He texted me on days 15 and 17 to ask about the dog (along the lines of ‘can I have him on your work days) but I just deleted them.

It’s been hard but here I am. It’s probably pretty clear he’s no interest in getting back together by now.

Chris Seiter

March 8, 2019 at 10:47 pm

Hi Sophie…so I usually don’t recommend beyond 60 days, though NC is very adaptable and everyone’s situation is unique. The time to end NC may be near or has arrived. Under my program, it calls for you to control the manner and method of how communications are re-started. I recommend you go pick up my massive eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” so you are up to speed on how all this post breakup stuff works.

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2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”