What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Teresa

July 9, 2021 at 1:26 am

So this is my first time on your site and I really like your content btw ☺️ so my only lingering question is this: what should I say when I “make the first move” and text him first after the NC period? Because I REALLY want to yell at him and tell him how much he sucks for not saying anything for 30 flipping days! but deep down I know that will be counterproductive. But I also don’t want to tell him how much I missed him because then it’ll come off as desperate right?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 11, 2021 at 10:02 pm

Hey Teresa, there are a number of articles and videos to help you create your first text after your NC is complete

Breezy

July 4, 2021 at 3:29 pm

Hi,

Not a woman here. However, my ex girlfriend did break up with me. We talked a little bit following the breakup but I always had to initiate. She said things like “I love you as a person, you’re my bestfriend, but I’m not sure if I’m in love with you” and even went as far as keeping a box of all our keepsakes instead of throwing it out. I know she is on tinder doing god-knows-what. I am 5 days into my no contact period. She has not reached out and I doubt she will. However, she views ALL of my Snapchat stories promptly and likes ALL of my Instagram posts. I am not sure what this means as she did say the breakup was permanent. After the 30 days (which I’m assuming she won’t reach out), what should I say to reach out to her? All of her social media engagement with me makes me think she misses me. However, I think she may supplement that loneliness with shallow tinder guys instead. What do you think?
Caroline

June 20, 2021 at 8:59 am

Hi,
I was seeing someone for 8 months. It ended because we wanted different things. He wanted to keep it casual and wasn’t sure he ever wanted a serious relationship. I wanted more commitment with the long term possibility of a serious relationship. It wasn’t a bad breakup but I knew I couldn’t stay with him the way it was as it was making me unhappy.
I decided to do NC for two reasons. 1. I hoped he’d miss me and it would make him want to give it another go, with more commitment. 2. I decided I needed a break with no contact to see how much I missed him and to decide if it was really worth pursuing.
He text after a few weeks to see how I was. I replied politely but didn’t keep the conversation going as I was only 10 days into NC.
I’m now coming up on 30 days since breakup. He hasn’t reached out again.
I really miss him and think about him all the time so I know I want to pursue this further. But only if he is willing to commit. Should I leave NC longer until he’s had more opportunity to miss me/text first?
I’m worried if I message him next week and nothing comes out of it, then that’s it over.
However I’m also worried that if I leave it much longer, it’s just dragging it out and my mind stays in turmoil for longer.
I have an admin thing I need to contact him about and I’m planning on calling him next week. If he doesn’t answer the call, I’ve got my text composed.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 21, 2021 at 4:21 pm

Hi Caroline, so when you replied to his text at 10 days NC you broke your NC and set yourself back to day one. You are not meant to reply to them unless they tell you DIRECTLY that they wanted to get back together. He is likely under the impression if he was to reach out to you again you would reply. You need to extend your NC to 45 days and make sure that you stick with it no matter what and then reach out with one of Chris’ suggested texts in his articles and videos.

Lexi

June 18, 2021 at 10:50 am

Hi, I was with my boyfriend 1.5 years, living together 6 months when he said he said he wasn’t happy anymore and couldn’t see a future with me. He changed his mind the next day and said he wanted to work at it and then after a couple of days changed his mind again. After I moved out of the flat, he messaged asking if I was alright and said he’s so so sorry. I said no you’ve broken my heart. He said I’d be better off in the long run, then mentioned gossip about old neighbours and I didn’t reply. He messaged then asking me how much council tax and I was still hurt so I didn’t reply. This was on the 11th May and I haven’t heard anything more. I had removed him from all social media. I want to reach out because I’m worried he’s moved on but also I’m scared of rejection or him not replying. What do I do?
kate

June 11, 2021 at 2:47 pm

I am on my 4th week of No contact… and it was advised for me to text him a message if the NC is over and he still didn’t contact me in any way possible… but the problem is, he blocked me everywhere… should I wait a little longer or what?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 13, 2021 at 3:14 pm

Hi Kate, if you have completed your 45 day NC and are still in a hard block, that you have no way to reach out then you are forced to continue NC until you are no longer blocked. If you have an alternative way to reach out then do so.

Prativa rai

June 7, 2021 at 3:08 pm

I always make the first move so he always takes that as an advantage… He feels like she’ll come back no matter what he did to me so this time I shut down and I started no contact rule he still hasn’t texted me….
Danielle

June 3, 2021 at 2:54 pm

On day 22. He text last. We are 2,000 miles apart and my heart aches. I have not checked social media. He is a successful doctor and I am sure busy and not worried about me. I will be on holiday in his town next month. Very nervous about that. We are wonderful together just the distance. We didn’t expect to fall in love. This is the longest we have gone without communication. Staying strong. This method has worked with other men. I pray it works with doc!!!
Nancy

May 13, 2021 at 9:03 pm

I requested a break from my boyfriend and I told him to contact me in a few weeks. It’s been 19 days. Nothing. He is going through a difficult time. We wasn’t moving forward and his phone calls were becoming less and less. It felt like he was tiring of me. I had good reason to be upset. I wasn’t seeing him no future speaking no plans and I had not seen him in 6 months. Due to lockdown Hence the break.
Laura

April 29, 2021 at 2:04 am

I followed the no contact rule for 30 days. He did not reach out. I reached out today with a text letting him know I thought of him today because I went trail riding with a friend from work and it made me think of him trail riding with his horse and camping and I hoped it went well. He replied with camping went well and asked how my trail ride was today. I replied with I was glad it went well and the trail ride today was worth taking a half day off of work. His reply was good deal. I did not reply. I think he only replied initially because he’s a nice guy but I don’t think he has any interest in talking more. I feel like this is a sign to move on.
Donna

April 16, 2021 at 12:13 pm

I have a boyfriend he left not talking to me i reach out to him he doesnt talk to me when i call sometime he doesnt answer the phone i went to his home he hardly wants to talk i love this man to my heart and its hurting me real bad what can i do to get him back

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 16, 2021 at 6:04 pm

Hi Donna, you need to start following the program and stop chasing this man if he isn’t going to talk to you, you cannot force him.

Melissa

April 14, 2021 at 8:47 pm

He broke up with me 4 months ago and I begged him to come back several times. He said no to anything I suggested. He is now dating someone that I know. It’s been more than 3 weeks that I stopped all communication. I felt so disrespected after he planned gathering with the new girl and our mutual friends. He hasn’t contacted me at all since then. I know I did a lot of begging but do you think there is still any chance that he changes his mind?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2021 at 10:07 pm

Hi Melissa, yes there is a chance but this means that you need to complete a 45 day no contact working on yourself in that time and then read and follow the advice of the being there method.

Alyssa

April 11, 2021 at 11:50 pm

My ex and I broke up after 2+ years of being together (2 years living together). I initiated the breakup but it was very amicable & we told each other we still love each other & want to be friends but we need to grow individually. I’ve regretted the breakup since I did it & contacted him about 3 times the first week (this was before i discovered the NC rule). He answered each time & was very nice, but said he needed time & couldnt talk to me. I’m about 12 days into no contact since that last conversation & he hasn’t reached out at all. He’s also on dating sites now. It feels like he doesnt care & is already moving on & I don’t really know if I should continue trying after no contact. I’m doing the 21 day NC so I still have ab 9 days to go – should i extend it to 30 days & see if he reaches out? I’m not really sure what to do.

Thank you in advance.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2021 at 9:11 pm

Hi Alyssa, I would suggest that you follow the 30 days NC and work on yourself in that time. Keep in mind the NC is not about him reaching out to you, it is about you taking that time away from your ex and working on yourself before reaching out with one of Chris’ suggested texts.

Lisa

April 4, 2021 at 12:14 pm

Hi Shauna,

My ex and I broke up at the start of the year. We last spoke after I asked to catch up and accepted that he wanted to break up. I was still quite emotional as still felt quite hurt that he did not want to keep trying. It has been about 3 months since we last spoke and I have not heard from him at all. I haven’t got in touch with him as have been focusing on myself. Is it still a good idea or even possible to get in touch and create that spark again?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 8, 2021 at 7:22 pm

Hi Lisa, yes reach out but make sure that you spend some time planning your reach out text, as the articles and videos explain this text is not about getting your ex back. It is about breaking the ice so that you can start texting again and building a new connect and rapport with them so that you can show how great you are doing. The text is going to need to be about something he is going to be interested in talking to you about.

Meag

March 24, 2021 at 1:59 pm

My ex and I broke two weeks ago after being together a year and a half. I have done no contact except for a short email letting him know that I accept his decision and wish him the best (paraphrasing here). He replied with a nice email that very much mirrored mine.

When we met he was 7 months out of a separation but said he was ready (she left him after 12 years and he was blindsided). He said he healed and I believed him. We had a good relationships, shared interests and he seemed very committed (video chatting me every night we weren’t together and then being with me most days and nights when he didn’t have his son). I met his parents multiple times and in the final month of our relationship I even met his son and we went on a walk. He said he would only introduce me to his son if it was a serious relationship.
Early on in our relationship about 3 months in he said he had only been in love twice, once when he was 20 and it wasn’t a long relationship (2 months) and once with his ex who he met when he was 25. He said the feelings felt like “obsession”. He said he didn’t feel that way about me but he had strong feelings and felt we had a good healthy relationship which is what he wants for his future. In September he told me he was starting to feel the feelings of being in love with me (ones he said he wasn’t sure he could feel again). IN October he said he still wasn’t fully there yet but he knows he is going to get there but worries he can’t really let himself love. Well fast forward to march – I asked where he was at and he said he isn’t falling in love and wont get there. I was floored. My therapist has always told me to judge by actions not 3 words and his actions showed his commitment. When we were breaking up he said his feelings had been fading and he had been thinking of this for about a month (weird time to intro me to his son). He also said he’s worried he will regret this. I am not sure what to do. What we had was a good relationship. Any advice? I am heartbroken and I feel like I couldn’t have misjudged this relationship – he was so committed to me. I know his divorce is heating and going to court up but i dont want to make excuses. I am just at a loss.
Casie

March 18, 2021 at 4:33 pm

Am currently in day 4 of NC I think he’s observing the same thing because he hasn’t contacted me yet but oh well am not in so much expectation that he will do so am just trying to heal that’s really important to me
Michelle

March 17, 2021 at 8:16 pm

Hello! I loved this article! Very helpful!
So the last time my ex and I spoke was March 6th 2021. He said things like maybe in a month or 2 we can see where each other is at and maybe take things slow. Mind you he upped and moved to Miami. He said he needed to focus on himself. And if there’s even a small chance of us being together in the future, he needed to become a better version of himself. Although, he said he’s doing this for himself, not to work on our relationship. In fact he said he was tired of working on the relationship and he feels very relieved. I’m 10 days into NC, still nothing from him. He told me when he’s ready, he will reach out. I asked if that would be ready year from now and he said no it’ll be before that. I also asked if it would be 6 months from now and he said probably before that too. Should I still wait after the 30 days if he didn’t contact me? Or should I message him?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 14, 2021 at 9:05 pm

Hey Michelle if you want him back then reach out after 30 days NC. It does not matter if he reaches out to your or not. The important thing is that you work on yourself and get over the break up, then plan your reach out text based on Chris’ texting advice and suggestions.

Moni

February 24, 2021 at 10:09 pm

Me and my bf broke up about 2 months ago. We had a slight disagreement where I got mad and may have over reacted, I txtd him a few days later and told him I would like to talk and he said hed respond sometime soon, a week later, I txtd him apologizing and a bunch of nice things, then I asked for my things back hoping he would agree to talk to me, he told me my stuff was outside his garage and wished me the best, I havent contacted him and he hasnt contacted me since. We had a great relationship, never even had a fight until that day and everything was great just before, this literally came out of nowhere, im not sure if I should contact him ever again or just leave it alone. It sucks bc it is the best relationship i have ever been in. He is also a widower.
Trina Jordan

January 28, 2021 at 6:20 am

I dated my boyfriend for 6 months and due to circumstances my 6 yearold twins bonded with him too as did he .The night he walked out , he kissed the girls with tears in his eyes and left .One week later my Christmas presents and birthday presents I sent to him and his dogs presents included and cards from the beginning of our relationship were left at our front door .just before that I did unfriend on fb cuz of being so mad at him .
There’s been no contact since other than a fb post he sent me 2 weeks ago about things unrelated to breakup or maybe they weren’t it’s possible I guess .Anyways I know he’s self employed and busy working and hasent reached out at all to apologize etc or anything ?? Have you had a situation like this
Thanks from Canada 🙂

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 6, 2021 at 4:29 pm

Hi Trina, yes there are many who have done similar to your situation.

Baria Howard

January 23, 2021 at 6:40 pm

Hello,

I broke up with my ex of 4 years, 7 months ago now and still miss him like crazy. We didn’t exactly say we were going through the no contact rule, though we haven’t communicated since. We have broken up multiple times mainly due to break down in communication and commitment issues on his end. We have talked about these issues and he never seems to want to work on them. I know the relationship was toxic towards the end, I just can’t seem to accept that we are done. How do you know when it’s time to move on and let go? He was the man I thought I would spend my life with.

-B

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 2, 2021 at 8:37 pm

Hi Baria, so to answer your question about when it is time to move on – you need to give yourself a “end point”. If you feel that your relationship was truly toxic at the end then I would suggest that you consider moving on. It is hard to let go when we think that this person is “the one” but when those toxic traits present themselves it really is hard to get back from that. It takes a lot of work, but work that you BOTH have to be willing to do.

Jenny

January 9, 2021 at 4:44 pm

My boyfriend of 6 months recently dumped me after I moved across the country to be with him. After a month and a half of trying to get life in order and struggle through the move he said I didn’t love him because I wasn’t affectionate. He said I lost his trust because of my lack of affection. He literally said he doesn’t love me anymore. Does the no contact rule even stand a chance when they say they don’t love you and you can never earn their trust?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2021 at 6:44 pm

Hi Jenny, yes it can still work, be sure that you show him you can be happy and live your life after moving without him around.

« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 … 59 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”