What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Andy

January 6, 2021 at 2:08 am

Hello it’s been already two weeks since my ex broke up with me it was a 6 month relationship he said that he wasn’t feeling it that we moved to fast into it but still wanted to go out on dates ect. I admit I did wrong at one point I was desperate to work things out so I suggested we tried I was insisting. But we left things good I back off. He was distant never messaged me so I didn’t reach out to him. For a good 4 days yet he was still looking at my social media statuses everytime. Never spoke to me until Christmas came and wished me a merry Christmas. I waited a while and answered the same. He just saw the message and never responded. Also that same day i found out by a friend of mine she saw him on a dating app. he was still seeing my statuses again. Have in mind I never saw his stories. I decided to delete my social media for me to make it easier with no contact. By what you see should I keep with no contact.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 6, 2021 at 8:44 pm

Hi Andy, yes you need to stick with your no contact for at least 30 days solid. It sounds as if your ex got scared of how fast the relationship was moving and wanted things to slow down so you just allow him space and see if he attempts to chase you.

Georgia Scobell

December 26, 2020 at 2:46 pm

My ex broke up with me around 6-7 weeks ago now, I did a few weeks no contact but reached out after a few weeks and it didn’t go well. He’s the one who wanted the no contact, but we agreed on it. When I’ve reached out to him he was very angry and said he doesn’t want to speak to Me at all and that he never wants to get back together. It seemed so harsh for him to say this but he said this is the only way I will leave the situation, he says I was too negative and that’s why he doesn’t end to be with me as I made him negative and he’ll always view me with those connotations. I’ve had a rough few months and am really trying to work on my self to become the happy person I used to be, but I don’t know if it’s worth waiting and trying to reach out in w month or twos time to see if he’s willing to give us a shot, provided I had worked on myself and was happy within myself at this point. We no longer Have each other on social media and I really don’t know the best way to go about this situation? He’s really the best thing that’s happened tin name and I fear I’ve lost him forever.
Teresa

December 22, 2020 at 2:19 am

I understand what you mean by contacting them after NC is beneficial. But here’s the flip side, I’m the one who always reaches out after we argue or every time we had a break. I love him but we were never together and he always felt like something is missing. We promised to speak after a month and all he’s done is like one of my picture and vie my stories. Is this even worth me messaging him? It’s not ego or pride for me but I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted loving someone and for them to never notice me and my efforts.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2020 at 6:47 pm

Hey Teresa, so as you agreed not to speak for a month I would suggest that you go to 45 days no contact, and keep working on being Ungettable. If you feel that he does not notice you and never appreciated you when you were “together” even not official then you need to understand that he is aware there is no need to work or need for your attention, you’re already giving it to him.

R

December 18, 2020 at 3:55 am

Hello,

My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me a week ago and I immediately started the no contact rule. We have never broken up before and I’m really starting to worry that I’m going to lose him forever. I plan to implement the NC rule for 30 days. If he has not reached out and I need to make the first move, what should I be saying to him? How should I act so I don’t push him further away?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 20, 2020 at 7:03 pm

Hi R there are articles to help you with this question, you are going to need to read a few so that you can work out what is going to best reach out for your ex

Sana

December 2, 2020 at 9:10 am

Hello. So My Ex-Boyfriend broke up with me almost a week ago. He said that he realized that he cannot give me the attention I deserve due to his hectic work life and him always being busy at work. He said that he wants me but cannot be in a relationship now or any time soon. We ended it on good terms, and I started the no-contact period ever since. However, I just found out that someone from his family died. And I don’t know how to act. I want to send my condolence to him. But, I don’t want to come as a stalker. I figured that out from his Facebook profile. Shall I contact him anyways, or do you think that maybe he will contact me because he will need someone for comfort? Thank you in advance.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 4, 2020 at 10:17 pm

Hi Sana, so you say you are doing a no contact, however the fact you have spent time looking at his social media accouts show that you a breaking one of the rules. Checking their online activity is breaking NC. If you have no mutual friend or line of finding out about his lost loved one then you do not reach out as he is going to know that you are keeping an eye on his social media, in turn letting yourself down.

H

December 1, 2020 at 12:59 am

Hello so me and my ex broke up a week ago , I broke up with him as I found out he was cheating on me with someone I’d asked about before and he said nothing was going on , I kept trying to ask why but wasn’t getting nowhere he kept just saying “so that’s it “ this was on text ) so I said yes we’re over and he replied “right okay”
And that’s it nothing else why does he not care at all no remorse he’s going out seeing other girls
I don’t think I want him back I just want to know why what should I do ? Wait the 30 days ???
I can’t stop crying it hurts so much

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 14, 2020 at 9:42 pm

Hi H, I understand it hurts that he was cheating on you and that he broke your trust. However wanting to know why is not going to be easy to understand. It could be a number of reasons, but none of which have anything to do with you personally. He cheated because he wanted to and because he could. The best thing you can do right now is follow the no contact rule for at least 45 days and work on yourself, getting over the broken trust that you have experienced.

Annon

November 22, 2020 at 8:13 pm

Hi,

I have read through your article and it has been pretty helpful 🙂 I have just come to the end of No contact after he initiated the break up and I haven’t heard anything from him. We were together only for 7 months (I am not sure whether this information is helpful)

He was quite emotional when the break up happened and We texted a little the following day. Would there still be a chance that he may contact me and should I wait it out?

Thank you in advance..

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 24, 2020 at 9:36 pm

Hi there, so you need to complete a no contact, but then you are the one who needs to reach out to your ex after 30days not wait for him to reach out.

Shannon

November 21, 2020 at 1:48 am

Hi,

My ex broke up with me a little over a month ago but we’ve had no contact for 3 weeks now. The first week he reached out twice about getting his keys and various things back and a third time out of the blue asking if I had ever cheated on him (I had not). He broke up with me after about 2 weeks of me noticing him distance himself from me he said he needed space and didn’t know how to sort out his emotions and what he wants and was very overwhelmed. He said if it’s meant to be we will be. I’m just not sure if I should reach out after 30 days or longer or wait for him to say something first. I want us to be together and I don’t want to push him further away.
Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 9, 2020 at 5:50 pm

Hi Shannon if you are following this program you need to reach out using the style of text Chris suggests in his articles.

Louise

November 18, 2020 at 12:30 pm

Hi,

Me and my boyfriend broke up after 2 and a half year together 11 days ago over the phone. We spoke about the break up in person 5 days ago. He said that he needed to be alone to sort himself out and not worry about anyone else whilst doing so. When we left eachother he gave me kisses and was crying a lot (he never cries) and told me he loved me. so I’m not sure if that was a sign that he is saying goodbye or that he just needs a break?
haven’t spoken with him since (5days) I will be doin the NC but want to know if, if he breaking up to ‘sort himself out’ is that a sign we will not get back together even if I do NC.
I don’t expect to hear from him during the NC period because of this.
Jane

November 11, 2020 at 11:12 pm

Hi
So my ex and I broke up 10 days ago after a 5 year relationship, living together and we were engaged. I moved out and back at my parents who only live down the road from my old house. we have had NC for 4 days he told me he hated me didnt want to be with me anymore calling me hurtful names. He said he didnt want to speak to me so we can both move on.
HELP!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 12, 2020 at 6:22 pm

Hi Jane, this is normal thing to be told during a break up, especially an angry one. He needs some time away from you and you need to understand right now he thinks that is best. Follow a 45 day no contact and work on yourself in that time, even though he lives down the road you need to attempt to not see or speak with him at all for a set amount of time.

fayza

November 11, 2020 at 6:33 pm

Hi i been with my ex for 2 years we ve been living together , he broke up with me all of sudden almost a month ago saying he is tired of being in relationship he said he still loves me but he wants to be alone he wants to work on himself and that i should work on my self too he never denied any chances of us going back together he was so nice to me even after the break up and i still met him 10 days after we broke up and he said that he miss me anyway he still taking his space i decided to start the no contact rule around 2 weeks ago and to work on changing myself he actually contacted me after 3or 4 days when i start the no contact rule he thought that maybe smtg happened to me but since thn he didn’t contact me anymore
Jessica

November 10, 2020 at 2:19 pm

Hi,

My ex and I broke up after 7 years. He suffers with depression and insecurities and had cheated on me in the past and recently. We’ve been on and off the past year but I’ve always stayed faithful and loyal. I had to pull the information out of him about his cheating but he says he can no longer look at me the same or be intimate because he feels so ashamed. He says he loves and respects me but that he needs proper space.

I know I deserve better and I am now doing NC for minimum 30 days. He tried to call and text me a ‘hope you’re OK x’ text yday. I ignored both. But I wonder if he needs space to fix himself like he said or if he’s busy talking to other girls? I don’t know what my instincts are saying anymore but I know I deserve better. Will he realise what he’s done? Should I contact him after 30 days NC even if I feel he may be seeing someone else?
Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 13, 2020 at 9:45 pm

Hi Jessica, yes you need to reach out after your no contact if you want to follow this program and reaching out first is a big part of that. Check out this article to help you, https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-to-do-after-the-no-contact-period/

Fran

November 4, 2020 at 3:25 pm

Hi, so my ex and I just broke up a few days ago. I completely understand the whole no contact thing. But when we broke up I told him that he couldn’t text, call, or see me when he came into town. And I said these things because he’s hot and cold about being in a long distance relationship and I couldn’t handle it anymore. He was very upset that I said He couldn’t contact me. I know he still cares about me a lot, it’s evident in his words and actions when we’re together. He says that long distance is just too hard for him and that he wants to date me but not like this. Not long distance. Because I said these things I dont think he’ll contact me at all even after a month. Can you please tell me your thoughts on the situation?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 4, 2020 at 4:33 pm

Hi Fran, so you are not waiting for your ex to reach you to you. You are going to follow the no contact rules, work on yourself and then reach out to your ex with a text that Chris has used in his articles.

Vanessa

October 22, 2020 at 1:17 am

what should i text after NC?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 22, 2020 at 6:15 pm

Yes you should reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles after your NC is over

Lila

October 19, 2020 at 6:53 pm

Hi!
I just dated a guy for less than two months. We were never official, but we were exclusive. Gradually, I started to feel like he became less interested because the dates were short or he wouldn’t text me as often as I hoped. I tried communicating about this with him but he took it as reproaching, and I think that caused him to back off/become uncertain gradually. Eventually, I talked about this again and suggested being friends. He accepted this but when I said I needed at least a week to go from a dating mentality to being friends, he didn’t want this. He also reacted heavily to me meeting up with a male friend of his. So I said I couldn’t be friends. But he really wanted to. At some point we had a really long videocall where I wanted to either be strangers or try dating again, and he said he’d rather be friends because he still wanted to see how I was doing and hug me. He said he was feeling fifty-fifty about wanting to be friends or date again. We ended up as strangers. A week later, I realised I was just confused and made a mistake, and I actually really want to try dating again. So I met up with him, but now suddenly he’s certain he doesn’t want anything. He said he’s been distracting himself. He said that a week ago he would’ve been open to try again but now not anymore. He thinks things will go the same again, with me going back and forth. I tried to assure him that I believe it could be okay and that there was just a lot of miscommunication because we’re very different people and we just couldn’t have a lot of alone time because of the covid-19 situation (we both live with our parents and siblings). I pleaded with him to meet as friends but keep open to possibly become more again. But he now refused this and blocked me on one social media. I want to try the no contact rule, but I’m not sure about whether I should text him after 30 days. I read other articles where they said 30-90 days or even longer. Or to just move on after that. I also think that in my situation, since I pleaded with him in the end (bad move, I know) he probably felt suffocated. So maybe now I should give him more time? But in one of the reactions here, I read the advice to not make it too long if it was a short relationship. Because I pleaded at the end, should I wait till he maybe accepts my offer to try being friends and be open to see how ut goes? Maybe it’s better to not contact indefinitely (like I read before), since I already pleaded? I think it might be better if goal is to eventually move on even if he doesn’t contact me? But at the moment I still really hope we can try again. I hope you don’t mind the load of questions and I hope that you can answer some. Kind regards 🙂

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 25, 2020 at 10:02 am

HI Lila, I would suggest that you work on yourself through your No Contact (45 days) and from there you show him that you are more settled and stable. The fact that you went back and forth he would probably feels that you are just going to end things again when he lets his guard down. Work the program and make sure that you work through the holy trinity information

Olivia

October 6, 2020 at 11:42 pm

So I was with my boyfriend for six months, & on October 12 we will have been broken up for three months. I started no-contact seven days ago, I’m thinking of going for the 45. But a little background, the break-up came out of nowhere. He had seemed stressed for the week leading up to it & things were tense, but I reasoned he would tell me what was wrong in his own time & that I shouldn’t pressure him.
A lot was going on in his life. He had been laid off about 6 weeks before. His brother who he was very close to & spent a lot of time with was having his first child & moving across the country, & he had gotten to the second round of interviews for his dream job, but was notified (the day before he broke-up with me) that he didn’t get it.
Anyway, the break-up conversation was very cordial, I kept very calm, & I was able to get him to laugh a couple times, & the tension between us was totally gone. We talked for like an hour & a half, then a few hours after he left my place I sent him a nice text saying that I was thankful for everything he told me, & he responded back pleasantly as well. We agreed to not talk for a week, & then we would have a phone call. We had our phone call, there was some stressful moments & this time he got flooded, though I was still able to make him laugh & we ended the conversation talking about people we admire. We decided on no-contact, which I broke a couple weeks later when I asked him for another phone call. Again he got flooded, & it didn’t go well.
After that, we were sending some texts back & forth, but nothing substantial. About three weeks ago my mental health broke down, & I called him seeking comfort. He didn’t answer the phone, but he texted me, kicking off two weeks of texting back and forth. The first couple weeks it was just one or two texts a day, but the last day we were talking we probably sent 4 or 5 messages & he was responding almost immediately, instead of waits up to 12 hours.
This time, that flooded me, & I cut off the conversation in an emotional way, that slightly mocked his independence by pointing out how much he had been texting me. A few days later I returned, restating what I had said last in a more neutral, needs-based, deep communication way, & no response. I’m not sure if I was blocked or he was just ignoring me, but now I’m not sure if I ruined it by being so crazy. Anyway, I’m going to try the 45 days. Go to the gym more, work on a professional certification, spend more time with my friends, & maybe those two weeks of chatting will be enough where he will cave & contact me. But he’s definitely one of the stubborn ones.
Yasmin

October 6, 2020 at 5:59 am

It’s been a year and a half since our 3rd and last attempt at reconciling. I felt he wasn’t making me a priority and he wasn’t making time for me so I left him again, 3td time. The 1st time we broke up and got back together I realized he was different, he use to be so attentive and spend a lot of time with me but the other 2 times he was slacking and not putting in any effort. I told him I was moving on and I told him the reasons why. I blocked him on everything a year and a half ago and I’ve never heard from him since. I miss him and love him but he hasn’t even tried to get me back. The previous times I swallowed my pride and made contact after no contact but not this time. I’m tired of being the only one who’s “trying” he begs for a chance and then wasted my time yet he says I’m the love of his life. We had a great relationship the first time but outsiders got involved and ruined it. I know a year and a half is a long time without contact and he probably doesn’t love me anymore or think about me but each time we break up for long periods of time I cry myself to sleep, this is the longest I’ve done no contact. The first time I did a month, second time I did 9 months and now a year and half which will turn into 2 years before I know it and I don’t know what to do!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 7, 2020 at 12:35 pm

Hi Yasmin, I would suggest that you reach out and start re connecting if you want to try and get this guy back, however you need to understand that his effort in the relationship is “who he is” so to go back and expect a different result is going to be your own heartache. If you want to try and get him to invest more into you then start following the program and show him what he is missing by working to be the ungettable girl

Ashley

October 2, 2020 at 10:50 pm

It has been 22 days and I haven’t said a word. Which is rare for me- because I was always checking on him- and although I didn’t say it- I feel like I made it obvious I wanted things to work. We were together almost two years. He never made me a priority and didn’t keep his promises. I just felt like if he really wanted me- he would never put himself in a position to loose me. But he did. It hurt so much because we were so In love- he kept making plans for the future and would constantly tell me he loved me. Things changed. I just felt like there weren’t actions to back up that he loved me. Anyone can say I love you- but how do you show it? everything was my fault- what he did- how he felt- he always blamed It on me. He had every excuse in the book and I felt like if I was the one- he wouldn’t have to make excuses. I genuinely loved this person and never betrayed or lied to him in any way. I wasn’t even a nag. I accepted his flaws and tried to be a loving partner to not trigger his insecurities. I didn’t care he lived at home- I didn’t care he didn’t make money- I truly loved him. I just felt like he couldn’t accept my flaws and would make excuses to not come around because of our “setbacks” when I accepted and loved him for his flaws. I couldn’t keep feeling like I wasn’t enough. I moved across the country. We broke up 3 months ago- and even tho I am so busy establishing my life in Arizona- I think about him all the time. I miss him. My heart aches for him. I’m keeping busy and improving myself and definitely self reflecting so I can be better for myself. Because I was not perfect and I understand why he was unsure about me. I know he’s inexperienced in this department and our issues were trivial, maybe not to him and I’m willing to understand that and listen to him without telling him his issues with me are nothing. It’s just an instinct that we will meet again- On the other hand- he gave me no closure and maybe that’s why I’m so down? I loose hope because I have the “if he wants you- he will be with you-“ attitude. I want to lower my expectations- but I catch myself fantasizing about our reunion and there’s no sign of that happening. So I cry and cry- how can I stop constantly thinking about him and us? My intentions with him have always been pure- and always will be. This is also hard because I’ve had 3 serious relationships before this and I was never this heartbroken.
Erin

October 1, 2020 at 10:26 am

I met this guy on a dating app. Everything was perfect easy to talk to chemistry etc. we were dating for a month. He was pulling back saying it was due to work. I got frustrated bc regardless of how busy you are (aren’t we all) if you are trying to see where something goes you should put effort into it, right? When he ended things I said I would like to give it one last shot to get to know each other take things slow to build a foundation since we both liked each other a lot. He ended things because he said I was all over the place and was stressing him out. I didn’t know where he stood his words weren’t matching his actions. He told me that he has a lot on his plate and that once again I’m looking for a response right away. I decided to do the no contest rule and Im at my 30 days. He hasn’t reached out and I’m not sure if I should go 45 days without contact or just send him my first text. I’m really nervous to break no connect in case he doesn’t respond or it’s a negative reply i don’t want to get hurt since I’m finally at a good place again. My first text was going to be a question about a bottle of wine he bought me that I’d like to buy for Girls night. I’m not sure if I should go that route or not. Please help me!!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 4, 2020 at 9:02 pm

Hi Erin, yes it would be the right way to go about it if you want them back. I would say to reach out now after the 30 days as your relationship was not that long.

Sheena

September 28, 2020 at 3:25 am

Hi,

Ive been through a short term dating situation that I’m hoping to get advice on.

I matched with an individual and we were seeing each other for two months! In the beginning I asked what he was looking for and told him that I’m looking for a connection and something long term and he’s like right you can’t force commitments so I thought we were on the same page. We had a great first date and on our 5th date I made a picnic and he mentioned that I was putting in a lot of effort and he’s not mentally ready for anything serious right now because he recently came out of a relationship.

So our next date I told him again what I wanted and that I’m not looking for anything casual and if that’s what he wants we can go our own separate ways, or if he’s open for it to be something more than we can see how things goes and he told me he was open so we kept seeing each other.

Since then, I noticed that his texting etiquette wasn’t as great as it used to be and we started to see each other less ie) every 2-4 weeks because he was so busy. So I got hurt and brought it up and let him know that I’d like to see him at least once a week so we can build on what we have because it’s hard to really get to know each other if we only see each other once or twice a month

He said okay he will try but I didn’t see any changes and of course he was too busy to meet up so I brought it up again. He mentioned that he feels like his freedom is being taken away and that he honestly doesn’t have the time for anything serious and asked if I can try and go with the flow. He even said If I wanted I can see other people and he’s okay with that.

I was hurt by that comment and I said I can’t go with the flow and I’m not looking for something where I can only see someone once a month. We were trying to figure throngs out and he mentioned he was free and he wanted to see me the weekend after. In regards to his background he came out of a serious relationship seriously and when we were having this discussion he mentioned that he was okay with me seeing other people and he doesn’t believe in emotional attachment which also bothered me.

So I walked away! Part of me feels relieved but another part of me is upset because I’ve been online dating for 5 years now and haven’t had a connection like that on an emotional and physical level. Part of
me wonders if I was too upfront or if there’s something I could have done differently. I’m thinking of reaching out to him after the 30 day NC rule if I still feel the same way and I just wanted your your thoughts on that and the relationship itself and if there was something I could have done differently.

It’s currently day 12 of the no contact rule .
Thanks,

Sent from my iPhone

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2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”