What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Nealey

September 6, 2014 at 1:28 am

Hi Chris,
First I want to thank you for all the insight you have given me and plenty of stuff to read to distract me. I don’t want to go through the whole story… I will try to keep it short. I called my ex at the end of my NC period. He has my tablet, and I felt like, either way I want my tablet back. Needless to say, he called me back before I even finished leaving a voice mail. My plan at the time was to leave a pleasant voice mail. I didn’t think he would answer the phone, so I had no plan other than tell him what I said in the message. He suggested we meet up, which was fine except I didn’t want to just jump, so I told him I would have to get back to him, and kept the convo short. I called him back 2 days later and left another voice mail saying we could meet up if he was still available. That was 3 weeks ago Friday. He never called me back. So I sent him a feel good text the following Mon. thinking that I may have been cold when we spoke. No response. I sent him another one the following Friday. That was a week ago today. Even though I did space them out, I still think I over did it. Needless to say, no response. So it’s been 3 weeks since I called him the first time. Almost 2 months since the beginning of NC. Just trying to gain some insight. I know things for him financially aren’t good, and even if he wanted to meet I know he doesn’t have any money to even buy me a drink. If it was just about returning my tablet, and he didn’t care, I would have probably gotten it back by now one way or another.? I read your post on times lines, and I can see the merit in the longer time lines, and I am trying to have faith. I just feel very discouraged. I thought the lines of comunication were atleast open at this point, but since I haven’t heard from him in 3 weeks, I am beginning to wonder. Not sure what to do at this point except not text or call again. Have you seen this before? Any ideas would be appreciated.
Thanks:)

admin

September 15, 2014 at 2:41 pm

I bet he is thinking about you. Sometimes men are just super stubborn.
Nealey

September 19, 2014 at 2:44 am

Well I got tired of playing games. I called him last Sunday. He answered, I asked him how he was and told him I was coming to get my tablet. I drove to his house, he was nice, gave me my tablet… We chatted for a few minutes (not about the relationship) I gave him a hug, said take care and left. It wouldn’t surprise me if I hear from him out of the blue one day, but I don’t get that feeling. I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me. End of story. Thanks for your support

faribf

September 4, 2014 at 4:40 pm

Hi,
I dated a guy for 5 months. He was cheated by his ex-wife 5 years ago and he was always suspicious about me fearing that I would leave him some day. Finally he broke up with me 40 days ago because one of my colleagues had commented on my facebook profile picture. He got angry and told me that the guy loved you. It wasn’t true at all. I never cared about that guy before. It is now 40 days that I am in the no contact period and do not know what to do now. I love him.

admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:15 pm

Seems like he is so freaked out about being cheated on by his ex wife that he is taking it out on you.

Sara

September 4, 2014 at 1:11 pm

Hi,
I was dating this guy for almost 3 years. We were friends for 5 years, and we are on the same group of friends. In July 2013, he had to travel abroad to do his masters. He insisted he wanted to keep on the relationship with me and so we tried. I went with him for a month, and six months later he came to our hometown. Everything was great when we were together, but when we were apart it was very hard. 3 months later I went to visit him and we traveled together, he showed me his university, home, friends, and we were so close, so in love… he wanted to marry me! I said no because I couldn’t move, i had to finish college and he didn’t knew when we was coming back to our country.
He took me to the airport and the next month apart he was very sad because he missed me and was very lonely. Two months later he decided to move to a city that was closer to his job, but the best apartment he saw he had to live with 2 other girls. I freaked out about that and we started to argue a lot. He decided to move anyway because it was the best apartment and with a good price.
I had the opportunity to travel to a country near his with my parents and we had an agreement that he would take a 1h30 flight to visit me while i was there. But we were still arguing a lot. So about two weeks for my travel, he said he couldn’t go because his boss asked him to stay working full time until september so he asked me if I could visit him instead. I was so sad I said no. So I came back and we didn’t saw each other. He became very distant, didn’t answer me, etc. One day I decided to talk to him, ask him why he was like that and he freaked out saying he wanted to break up.
We didn’t talk for almost 10 days, and I called him because i need closure. I needed to have a calm talk to end things, not in the middle of a fight. He said he was very said but the LDR was very difficult, he was mad because we didn’t see each other and he didn’t knew when we were going to see each other again… He said he needed space. So I didn’t called him for almost a week but I was suffering so much… I called him again and he was working. He called me later and we spoke a little bit about our lives, he said he missed me and wanted me to be ok. He said he was alone and had to work and study and couldn’t afford to be sad so he was trying to keep busy. He said I could talk to him if I wanted and the next day he called me again. We small talk again and on the other day. On the weekend he sent me a picture of him and a few friends and it was written “the drunk ones”. I was so pissed off I called him asking why did he sent me that.
He told me it was a mistake, it wasnt on purpose, that he wanted me to be ok, and had be talking to me to make me better but maybe we shouldn’t be talking. After that he sent me two emails saying that he missed me but it was better if we spent a time apart , that he couldnt help me to make me happier now, and that if i really really wanted to talk to him i could. I didnt answer the email for a week. Then I responded that i missed him, i loved him, i hope the future has some better plan for us, but now it was better if we didnt talk and that i wanted him to be happy in his country, and pursue the thinks that he dream for himself. He answered two days later saying that he wished me the same, that he loved me and always will, but the LDR was too hard and he was becoming sad all the time. Also that all that he wanted now was me to move with him but he knew i couldn’t. He said he didn’t like my goodbye and that I would always be in his life.
It was a week ago that he answered me and now i’m trying to NC. It’s been so hard and I’m affraid he is not going to talk to me because everytime it was me who looked after him. It’s also more difficult because of the distance.
I blocked him on everything but today I unblocked him on whatsapp and he probably has seen it. But it didn’t said anything. I keep stalking him on fb, instagram, etc with my sister’s account.
I don’t know what to do. Help me, please..

admin

September 5, 2014 at 11:56 am

Right now you are are doing what you need to do with NC. Make sure you are improving yourself during this time as well ok!
Sara

September 7, 2014 at 12:25 am

thank you chris…
i hate not being able to stop stalking him, i always see that he is going out , traveling and always seems so happy…
it makes me sad. im trying to do my last paper at college and go out with my friend but it’s so hard for me now…and it looks like for him it is easy…
its easy for him because he does not like me? or its not true, its only him faking it on fb?
or men feel things after a little time?

do you think he is not going to contact me during this time?
it has been more than a week…

NYLO14

September 4, 2014 at 2:15 am

Well, where is the article about dealing with a stubborn guy? I don’t see any solutions here!? Please post an article on the stubborn/prideful men and how to deal with them after NC.

I’m in my last week of NC and I am tempted to contact sooner. My ‘ex’ was on such an ego trip the last time we spoke, that I am afraid I’m going to encounter that again. He was throwing so many mixed signals and contradicted feelings during the ‘breakup’, then trying to keep me as ‘friends for life’. I shut that down and now I think he is the one panicking. He has been checking my login status on chat apps and signing on and off when I’m online to get my attention! Super annoying and childish, but the man has too much pride! What the heck do I do?
I feel like giving and ultimatum, but I know that’s not the way to go.

admin

September 4, 2014 at 12:24 pm

Hahaha the male mind during NC.
NYLO14

September 4, 2014 at 5:42 pm

Tell me about it. I even reached out today as I was a few days shy of 30 NC. I just told him HI and let me know when he is free to phone me. He asked how I am and said, he will let me know, but didn’t get back to me today and it is his sleeptime already. Now what? I am guessing he is just shocked, afraid, or both. Maybe he will reach out on his own now that I ‘broke the ice’.

What’s your opinion? Thanks! 🙂
admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:18 pm

Yes wait for him now.

Nina

September 4, 2014 at 12:19 am

Someone please give me some advice, so my boyfriend broke up with me after we went on a break, (because he said he was confused about his feelings and didn’t know what he wanted) – the first time we had a break, 2 days later he contacted me saying he didn’t want me to leave. 2 weeks later he said he feels like things still aren’t working out so he asked for another break. This time the break lasted a week, but I messaged him first. But only because his friend messaged me telling me to move on from him and that seemed suspicious to me so I confronted him about, saying things like “I can’t believe you got your friend to break up with me, I’m not going to wait around anymore, come get your stuff whenever you want” – turns out he never told his friend to do anything but his friend was just stoned and rambling. But then he told me that the break didn’t help and that he wants to break up. His reasons are that alot of things in the relationship made him feel stressed and unhappy, and that he needs to be alone for a while because he feels like he’s lost himself, but apparently for personal reasons, not because of me. He said he just can’t do it anymore and that he’s not ready and it’s too much, but it hasn’t been a waste of time and that he doesn’t want it to be negative between us, but the terms now are up to me. When i tried to discuss things further with him, it seemed like he didn’t want to talk, he would say something like “we’ve already discussed this, it won’t change anything” – he said sorry to me and he said I can do whatever I feel like doing about the terms between us in the future and I don’t have to decide on terms now. I explained to him that I’m too hurt to decide on anything now but I told him he can speak to me if he ever wants to and he said okay I will. I don’t know what to do? Should I just do the NC and wait for him to talk to me? Do you guys think he will talk to me? He’s a really emotionally screwed up guy, he’s not really stubborn but he gets confused about what he wants alot. I really like him, and still want to be with him, but I refuse to talk to him, although I was thinking of writing him an email in a month or two just to get some closure. I don’t know. His stuff is at my house and vice versa. Do you think he will contact me? I really want him to regret leaving me, because it really hurt, and no other girl would put up with his BS like I did. He even said himself “I know you’re really good to me” and “you’re really an amazing person, i fully respect you, im sorry i hurt you” but apparently he just can’t do it anymore. He said he doesn’t want the relationship because he can’t deal with it and he needs to be alone. What do you think? PS we went out for 4 and a half months but were really good friends before it.

admin

September 4, 2014 at 12:20 pm

I think the odds are in your favor for him talking to you.

Nina

September 4, 2014 at 12:19 am

Someone please give me some advice, so my boyfriend broke up with me after we went on a break, (because he said he was confused about his feelings and didn’t know what he wanted) – the first time we had a break, 2 days later he contacted me saying he didn’t want me to leave. 2 weeks later he said he feels like things still aren’t working out so he asked for another break. This time the break lasted a week, but I messaged him first. But only because his friend messaged me telling me to move on from him and that seemed suspicious to me so I confronted him about, saying things like “I can’t believe you got your friend to break up with me, I’m not going to wait around anymore, come get your stuff whenever you want” – turns out he never told his friend to do anything but his friend was just stoned and rambling. But then he told me that the break didn’t help and that he wants to break up. His reasons are that alot of things in the relationship made him feel stressed and unhappy, and that he needs to be alone for a while because he feels like he’s lost himself, but apparently for personal reasons, not because of me. He said he just can’t do it anymore and that he’s not ready and it’s too much, but it hasn’t been a waste of time and that he doesn’t want it to be negative between us, but the terms now are up to me. When i tried to discuss things further with him, it seemed like he didn’t want to talk, he would say something like “we’ve already discussed this, it won’t change anything” – he said sorry to me and he said I can do whatever I feel like doing about the terms between us in the future and I don’t have to decide on terms now. I explained to him that I’m too hurt to decide on anything now but I told him he can speak to me if he ever wants to and he said okay I will. I don’t know what to do? Should I just do the NC and wait for him to talk to me? Do you guys think he will talk to me? He’s a really emotionally screwed up guy, he’s not really stubborn but he gets confused about what he wants alot. I really like him, and still want to be with him, but I refuse to talk to him, although I was thinking of writing him an email in a month or two just to get some closure. I don’t know. His stuff is at my house and vice versa. Do you think he will contact me? I really want him to regret leaving me, because it really hurt, and no other girl would put up with his BS like I did. He even said himself “I know you’re really good to me” and “you’re really an amazing person, i fully respect you, im sorry i hurt you” but apparently he just can’t do it anymore. He said he doesn’t want the relationship because he can’t deal with it and he needs to be alone. What do you think? PS we went out for 4 and a half months but were really good friends before it.

admin

September 4, 2014 at 12:19 pm

Did he go into specifics of what was stressful for him in the relationship?
Nina

September 4, 2014 at 6:11 pm

It was the fact that I got disappointed/upset over little mistakes he would make alot, and it would make him feel guilty. Even though it’s not my fault and he knows it, he didn’t really live up to my expectations so I got sad about it and he would notice and that would make him feel guilty and stressed. But I was still there to support him and tolerate his behaviour because he never hurt me on purpose. But also that he’s just not ready and it’s all too much for him, he said he’s just not “feeling it” (the relationship) but he still likes me.

Ivette

September 3, 2014 at 4:29 pm

I dated an army guy for 11 months, of course it was a LDR, he was in Korea. Then he went back to the US, but I couldn’t meet him cause I got my visa denied. I’m from Mexico. He was fine with it he said he’d wait. Then I found out he was cheating, he was texting other girls, from Germany. I was heartbroken but I didn’t want to break up, I wanted to talk, he got mad, he started ignoring me. He’d read my texts but never replied. I’d call him thousands of times on Skype but he never picked up. He never broke up with me though. Well at least he didn’t say it. I started NC rule because it had worked for me before. He hasn’t contacted me. He is stubborn. Very. My brother texted him and told him i was dying and that he shouldn’t be mean to me after all he put me through. Of course I did not authorized that text but my brother wanted to help. Does that count like breaking the nc rule? My ex read my brothers text but didn’t reply. I know he won’t contact me he’s too proud too childish. The 30 days are almost over, they’ll actually finish on our first anniversary. Well if we were still together it would have been out first year anniversary, I think that’s a good excuse to text him. Shall I? What do I tell him?

admin

September 4, 2014 at 11:56 am

Are you really dying? I am confused?
Ivette

September 4, 2014 at 4:33 pm

Not really, bad use of words sorry, I got very sick, I stopped eating and I wouldn’t sleep, but not just because of the break up, my dog died, I lost my job and a lot of bad things happened. I’m fine now. I feel great.
But, I still have feelings for my ex, I miss him, I want him back. But he is so stubborn! So proud! And there’s a dumb girl saying he loves him and posting on his Facebook wall. Shall I text him? Tell him I still think of him? I think of him On our anniversary more than ever?
I know that he will read my text and won’t reply, I’m sure of it.
admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:14 pm

Nope, stay in NC.
Ivette

September 5, 2014 at 5:01 pm

Even when the 30 days are over? The 30 days are over, today. And today was our first anniversary.
I read your other article, it says that if he cheated NC must last 45 days.
I am getting my visa in a month and a half, my friends told me I should wait and text him until then, something like. Let’s have a coffee and he will text back when he sees I’m in the US
When do I contact him?

Dani R.

September 3, 2014 at 2:45 am

Hi,
I dated this guy for 7 yrs. we got engaged a few months ago, two months ago I found out he was cheating on me since may I decide to forgive him , and try to work things out he said many awful things to me but at the same time he said many wonderful things about me, I helped with many things in life helped him get off drugs helped him find a job and helped him through college whenever things got rough I was always his right hand , he refused to talk to me on the phone he broke up with saying he loved but he didn’t love this relationship he is very stubborn. So I decide to end contact with him because I was hurt to much by asking him to stay and say how perfect our relationship was … It’s been two weeks I haven’t heard from do you think there is hope for us???

admin

September 3, 2014 at 3:43 pm

He cheated on you…. Was it a one time thing?

lulu smith

September 2, 2014 at 12:35 am

I started talking to this guy back in March. We were long distance at the time (about 2 hours) and so primarily got to know each other by phone (text mostly). We spoke every single day and met up 2 times between March and May. He was really into me and told me he liked me and it was great. I was a little confused and scared though. A week after the second date, I asked to take a small break. We were talking on a daily basis and I felt confused so I just needed at least a day of not talking to get my head straight. He was really understanding about it and so we didn’t speak for a week. I then contacted him again because I missed him and realized that my confusion was really just my fear of falling for him too fast. We began talking again almost daily but this time I was texting him all the time (before, he would text me daily and say the sweetest things). I started texting him daily after the short break because I felt bad for initiating the break to begin with and I guess I was trying to compensate for that. He became sort of moody at that point. Some days he would be okay and others he would seem uninterested. He began taking a long time to respond and would just stop responding altogether on some days. Then in June, I was in his area for other reasons (visiting my grad school which I am staring soon) and so we had our 3rd date. It didn’t go well… He seemed distant and uncomfortable and I know I was frustrated with his weird behavior for the past month so I was quiet too and he could probably feel that I was annoyed with him. It just didn’t go well. 2 days later, he said he didn’t want to pursue this anymore because we didn’t click on that last date. I told him how I felt and that I was upset that day because of how distant he had been. We argued a bit and that was it. I was heart broken. I cried and cried. I texted him a couple days later and apologized for anything and everything I could think of. No response.

I was in the middle of packing and moving to a new city for grad school so I forcd myself to be pre-occupied with that process until I moved in July. So I didn’t speak to him for a month. The city I moved to is much closer to him and we could have had a more normal relationship now if we were still together. So at the end of July (about 2 weeks ago) I texted him and asked him if we could start over. He said a part of him wanted to say yes but the other part had other things on his mind. He felt it wasn’t a good idea. We went back and forth a little and he asked me what I thought. I said I thought it was worth another try. He said said things were hit or miss between us and that he had too much going in his life at the moment. I said ok and haven’t spoken to him again since then.

I’m at day 29 of NC. How do i know if i should wait longer than the minimum 30 days or if i should reach out in the next few days. He hasn’t said anything to me during NC at all.

admin

September 2, 2014 at 1:56 pm

I think the only way to know where you stand is to contact him in your situation with one of my recommended ways.
lulu smith

September 3, 2014 at 1:13 am

its not that i have an attitude about contacting first, it’s just that i’m scared to do it.
admin

September 3, 2014 at 3:37 pm

Youll never know until you try.
Lulu Smith

September 22, 2014 at 3:35 pm

I tried.. I waited 50 days instead of 30 and now he’s dating someone new 🙁

Thank you for your help but I think I give up now.
lulu smith

September 2, 2014 at 12:37 am

So at the end of July (about 2 weeks ago)

i meant to say about a month ago now

Amatul

September 1, 2014 at 10:58 pm

I am on a no contact for the past 12 days however I don’t know if I should start it all over again because on the 9th day I accidentally called at 3:00AM!! It just rang once or twice before I realized I accidentally hit the call button and I freaked out and hung up! Then I decided to delete his name and number, so such mishaps won’t happen again. I did not text him to explain it was an accident because I was afraid I will break the no contact.

My questions is should I start the no contact again since I accidentally called him? Also, his birthday is coming up in couple of weeks. What should I do because it is falling inside the no contact period? By the way, I am on LDR ( internet to person)

admin

September 2, 2014 at 1:52 pm

How do you accidentally call at 3am hahaha?

Daley

September 1, 2014 at 6:23 pm

Your website is probably the best thing ever!

I’m 22 and he’s 36. Ever since the day we met each other we’ve been together, met my friends and whole Asian Family in less than a month. It was euphoria. But few months after he caught me lying and talking to girls(I’m bisexual) then 3 days after caught him lying too-he was talking to cougars. We keep on trying and trying to make things work, there are times that it work and some are arguments. Tried to break it off but he said give him time to think and don’t rush him. I have to leave for 9 days but before that I would visit him everyday, text him where am I, re assure him that I’m not cheating. When I left he said it’s uncomfortable knowing I won’t see you blahblah then Friday night he partied and I got so mad started to accuse him then 2 days after we broke up, he was at this dating website looking for girls. I flew back 2 days after, saw him for brief moment and say out goodbyes. But before that we were fighting, he’s so mad at me and telling me all my mistakes-like didn’t bought canabis from him but instead from other people, me partying, that’s I’m not sorry enough and no effort on my part to make things right, me getting bored at him, it was all my mistake and that I made him insecure. Then I had a miscarriage and that’s the only time we talk then now I’m on my 1 week of NC.
Just wondering, I know he won’t contact me first but should I even contact him still?

admin

September 2, 2014 at 1:31 pm

I wonder if the age difference has something to do with this….
Daley

September 2, 2014 at 4:25 pm

Hopefully not. Lol
But when I went away for a little over a week he told me he’s not stress out anymore and prefer it that way. He’s back on one of this fetish site and all he do is like photos, he added of my friends and then she showed it to me. And be didn’t message her or whatever.

I really do love him. And wondering if I should start approaching him again after NC or wait a bit longer?

Sarah York

September 1, 2014 at 3:02 pm

Hi !
Firstly just wanna say your website is amazing and empowering for us girls too. I’m gonna try to summarize my question as succinct as possible ya.
I dated this guy for a month and we had our good times and we got into a big fight which I didn’t realize it was my fault until 2 weeks later (the whole time we didnt contact each other during the cold war cus i waited for him to contact first but he didn’t). So i sent a sincere long apology letter to him and wanting to make things up. Then i texted like we used to be n presented myself as the old happy girl he liked but I still gotten polite yet distant answer (not to mention he didnt address my letter, only replied formally of acknowledgement). I even suggested a dinner whenever hes free but he just said ok thats it. A week later he liked my picture I recently posted on fb (that has our inner joke) and gave my brother a gadget that my bro asked him to help buy (gave it to his cousin to pass to my bro), but no contact msg whatsoever. So it’s been 2 weeks of NC, and i’m feeling stronger each day thanks to your website. Im healing and focusing on my work and having a life 🙂

So my question is, once 4 weeks is up, should i contact him if he doesnt contact me? (he has high ego) If yes, how should i drive it – keep it short n sweet or should I also end it by asking him out for casual lunch? OR if not/ alternatively, should i wait a few more weeks more to his birthday soon and contact him then and courier him a gift (so i have a good reason)?

Thanks in advance! Keep up the advice, you help us!!

admin

September 2, 2014 at 1:25 pm

Yep, definitely contact him if he doesn’t contact you.
Sarah York

September 1, 2014 at 3:05 pm

Sorry i have to correct it’s not exactly a big fight*, it’s just an emotional outburst that I had because he said some things that came off insensitive and inconsiderate so I pointed them out to him. sigh I know, I messed up huh. But I just didn’t think he would be so unforgiving or shut me out forever due to 1 argument ..
Sarah York

September 1, 2014 at 3:11 pm

P/S: he’s no bullshit kinda guy, very serious abt me, doesn’t socialize, i dont think he has a new girl too cus he like being by himself.. he alrdy talked abt marriage and kids and invited me to his dad’s bday to introduce me to his family too – before the fight happened.

Melissa

August 29, 2014 at 5:01 pm

Hi,
So my situation is a little different. We were only dating for 2 months. Everything was great but I think he needed space because he was feeling things he wasn’t prepared to. I wouldn’t say we “broke up” since our last conversation although it was a bit argumentative wasn’t a full blown fight ending with words like “we’re over”. Our last communication was a text that was friendly in manner but I decided to enact the NC rule because I was tired of the negativity. Here lies the issue: We are supposed to be going away together in two weeks – Neither of us have broken NC in a week. Do I continue NC or do I break it right before the trip is supposed to take place to see if he’s still interested in going?

admin

September 2, 2014 at 12:11 pm

Do you think you think its the best idea to do that? Cause I don’t.

Nealey

August 29, 2014 at 12:11 am

Hi,
First I want to thank you for all the insight. 2 weeks ago was the end of my 30 day NC. I didn’t hear from him at all during NC. He has my tablet, so I was feeling like OK either way, I want my tablet back. So I called him, was in the middle of leaving a pleasant voice mail, when I got a beep. It was him calling back. I picked it up and said that I had just left him a message hoping he was well, and that I wanted to make arrangements to get my tablet back. He suggested we meet up in a couple days. I didn’t want to just jump, so I told him that I would have to get back to him. We chatted for a minute and I pretty much said bye. I waited a day to call him back about meeting up, and left another voice mail. That was almost a week ago. No return call or message. I thought about what you said about leaving him feeling good, wanting more, and I don’t think I did that. So a few days after I called and left the voice mail, I sent him a short text about something funny that we shared when we were together. That was like 3 or 4 days ago. No response. I know it’s a long road, but I am feeling discouraged. It seemed positive when he called me back right away, and suggested we meet, but I think I discouraged him by saying that I only called about getting my stuff back (which was an excuse to begin with). Maybe NC for a little longer? Any advice or insight would be appreciated. Thanks!

admin

August 29, 2014 at 12:11 pm

No you didn’t. You left him feeling bad most likely.

I’d try the texting route before calling this time.
Nealey

August 29, 2014 at 9:51 pm

So I sent him a feel good text today, reminding him of something funny that he did and how he always made me laugh. Hoped all was well. No response yet.

julia

August 28, 2014 at 1:12 pm

Hi Chris,

I am on my 42 day of NC. I feel I need more time though cause I am still quite emotional.We broke up in May but I started the NC plan a month ago. I’ve read your article about making the first step after NC. I have serious doubts about this. He broke up with me. Plus the first two months of our break up he ignored my texts/email. To top all that I found out he is seeing someone only after 2 months we have broken up. I have no idea if they’re still together though. Unfortunately there is no source I could find out. So my question is this: Why should I contact him? How is this putting me in control?

Please any advice would be helpful.
Thank you in advance

admin

August 29, 2014 at 11:46 am

Some men are so stubborn they won’t contact until you make the first move.

Sometimes you have to give up a little control or make him think he has control and then pull the rug out from under him.
julia

August 29, 2014 at 2:07 pm

Chris,

So what you ‘re saying is to contact him after 2 months, no matter what?
admin

September 2, 2014 at 12:00 pm

Yup!

Angie

August 26, 2014 at 11:55 pm

Hi Chris, you are awesome! So, I was dating my trainer for like 4 months. We are totally different and started to get into arguments during the last 2 months. He broke it off with me in a very non-communicative way and I respected his decision (though I felt he was disrespectful in the way he lacked communication). 1 month later, he approached me at the gym and we agreed to meet up to “talk.” We entertained the idea of friends with feelings/benefits but I quickly changed my mind knowing I would have a hard time with it. We left off on bad terms that night bc I was not ready for discussion, I think. 2 months later he came back to me (i didn’t contact him ever). He told me he still had feelings and wanted to re-start us again. I agreed bc I still had feelings. We started seeing each other again as pseudo bf/gf for the last 20 days and we had an argument bc I was drunk on a Friday night and acted like a little dramatic girl who needed more attention from him. Anyway, he is really upset with me now and told me he isn’t talking to me again. I texted him to apologize and asked if he was going to talk to me. No response so far….Just curious what you think. I am very capable of NC and am planning to execute NC since my apology two days ago..

admin

August 28, 2014 at 12:21 pm

I think you know what I am going to say…. NC.

Karina

August 26, 2014 at 10:35 pm

I broke up with my Bf of 6 months about a month ago. He started to act weird and I found out he was texting another girl in a very flirty manner, (saying she was cute, pretty and chats until 2am). He said he wasn’t interested in her but I broke up with him. I felt like I did the wrong thing and trued to get him back but he didn’t want to cux I violated his privacy and he was also going through being homeless. We tried being friends but I kept pushing the whole are you dating someone new ( I knew he was still talking to that grl) and he blocked me from instagram. But I also found out he started a new Instagram just to add that grl (I saw through the text convos before I broke up with him, she asked him if he had an IG, he said he only had a band one or something). He got annoyed I was pushing him about getting back together ( I know! I pushed it too soon. We still continued to talk and I pushed it again, but this time he got mad and said that I had insecurities and to not text him again if it was about our relationship. I got super mad and told him to lose my number because he was broken.. but yeah.. I still want to talk to him, eventhough I know he might be with that grl he was talking to. (he tagged her on an IG post and added her on FB).

admin

August 28, 2014 at 12:14 pm

I think the only reason you have those insecurities is because of the way HE handled the relationship by flirting with that other girl…
Karina

August 29, 2014 at 5:16 pm

Yeah.. I told him that. But he doesn’t seem to realize that what he was doing was wrong. and he texted me a few days ago wanting to clear up some stuff saying how I overreacted to texts that didn’t amount to anything. But that he chose to pursue a relationship with this other grl because he wanted to and after our fall out and says there chemistry was quick and ours was slow. He confirmed he was with her and still wants to be friends with me.. eventhough he blames me for stuff I said and the texts for our break up.. Im so confused and he made me feel worse.

Kri

August 26, 2014 at 4:51 pm

hi chris, successfully completed NC. went 35 days before i text my ex and he responded in about an hour. only got one text out of the initial contact.

what are you thoughts on an additional NC period and waiting another 30 days to contact him again to try to extend our conversation?

admin

August 28, 2014 at 11:57 am

I think the only way thats a good idea is if he doesn’t contact you after youve tried everything during your first NC.

moopants

August 26, 2014 at 12:15 am

I am not sure I want him back as much as I did, it was more rejection that wanted him back. He moved on before he broke up with me for all I know he could of being cheating with her. But he is with her for what I know of for the past 4 months. And don’t understand why he hasn’t contacted me…just out of respect. The simple answer is well maybe he just doesn’t F****ing want to.
But I read on this site that you would hear from your ex again. I haven’t intentionally avoided contacting him…I just haven’t no text no call no email NADA….and simply because I don’t need too. But I feel I need him to contact me again out of respect to how badly he handled things. Fyi he didn’t tell me he was with this girl I found out on twitter…I guess expecting respect from him is unrealistic. Its just knocked me because I am still in this ‘situation’ of the pain of a break up and I feel its going to take at least another 3-4 months too really heal from all this disappointment. Is this a rebound with the girl he is with do you think? and is 4 months too early to expect any communication from him?
Hope you can help 🙂

moopants

August 26, 2014 at 12:24 am

Also why the hella do girls/boys go with someone FRESH
out of a break up are they desperately horny? or in need of someone…do rebounds ever last? because I don’t want them too they don’t deserve it
admin

August 26, 2014 at 1:46 pm

Rebounds last sometimes but usually not.
moopants

August 26, 2014 at 6:28 pm

Do you I think I will hear from him again?
admin

August 28, 2014 at 12:01 pm

I think you will yes.
moopants

August 29, 2014 at 4:56 am

Thankyou for replying :)X

Kristen

August 25, 2014 at 5:02 pm

Chris,
So I text my ex yesterday after 35 days NC. I sent my first text and after about an hour he responded (which I think is a good sign that he actually responded). My initial text said “The other day I saw the preview for the new sin city movie coming out soon that made me think of you. how are you? Hope all is well”. He responded: “Yeah I wanna see that. I’m alright stayin very busy with work and doin construction on the side. How are u? I hope all is well with u too”. I responded like an hour an a half later saying “I’m good. Lot of time spent applying for jobs and going on job interviews. Apart from seeing my favorite band 3 times, of course.” Didn’t think there was anything too wrong with that but he did not respond after that.

I am going to wait the few days/a week or so to text him again, but I don’t know why I’m not sure where to take it from here?
Should I try something along the lines of another initial first text until we get more (those additional 2-3 text messages) of a conversation going?
Or do I try something along the lines of a “remember the good times” text?

admin

August 26, 2014 at 1:03 pm

Yep, exactly what you said with the initial text and extending a conversation.
Kristen

August 26, 2014 at 3:06 pm

I recently went to visit someone at a campground that is between where him and his parents live and it made me wonder how they are.
Is it too much too soon to ask about his family? I wonder how his apartment living situation has been as well, but is that too personal to ask about?
These are some of the only things I think I could get more of a response out of him

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