What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Mona

April 21, 2014 at 2:25 am

Hi Chris!

First, I want to thank you for your awesome guides. They have helped me immensely over the last several weeks. I followed your advice completely, worked on myself, list weight, started new activities and even dated a bit. After 30 days my ex still hadn’t contacted me, but he is very stubborn and was probably relieved I left him alone! I was very clingy at the end. We had dated five years and had very few problems so I was shocked. Anyway, after thirty days I sent a classy text like you suggested to clear the air. I admitted things got crazy but that I was glad in the end and happy. He responded that he was glad I was happy and that being alone was hard but good for him. I waited a week and sent him a funny text about walking up to some man I thought was him, but wasn’t. He responded within seconds. I ended it by saying have a good weekend… And he wrote me back immediately about his plans for the evening… Hanging out with his friends on the patio. My question is, how do I proceed? He seems to respond but I wonder if we need more time. He wanted to break up because he has some issues he wants to work on. Anyway, thanks again! You’re words were very helpful and hopeful in a time when I really needed them.

admin

April 21, 2014 at 4:20 pm

Keep progressing. Extend conversations longer and longer but always aim to end them first.
Mona

April 22, 2014 at 2:55 am

How many days should I wait between conversations?
admin

April 22, 2014 at 4:22 pm

Usually only a day…

Nata

April 18, 2014 at 1:43 am

Hi everyone/) I have completed the NC for 30 days. Before I did this, I pursued him a little too(calling texting too much). I haven’t contacted him at all, and I am not gonna to. He didn’t want the relationship anymore and also said his feelings has changed. I know just one thing, if he loves me he will contact me and want to reconcile , If not, it means his feelings aren’t strong and he will just disappoint me again infinite if I get back with him. I don’t want that, I want my man to love me truly. Time will show if his feelings were real. We also have some character differences so I myself not sure if we are a good match. We both are good people. Just to mention our relationship lasted 8months, and it ended because of my mistakes…(he didn’t trust me). Anyways, all said and done…I advise all of you not to pursue them if it was their idea to end it. If a guy try ally wants something, he will find his way back to us. Don’t pursue them, they don’t worth it.

Good luck to everyone

admin

April 18, 2014 at 3:34 pm

Is there anything you want to ask me specifically?
Nata

April 19, 2014 at 5:51 am

Hi Chris, No i dont have any questions at this point. Thank you for your website. It helped me when i needed it the most 🙂 What you are doing is really kind 🙂 I have completed teh NC. But as i said i wont contact him. WHy? As i think he will if he loves me really… (although the reason for the break up was my immature behavior a lot of times).

WIll see what happens!

Best of luck to everyone of you guys 🙂

shirley

April 16, 2014 at 3:40 am

Chris, if I contact him after NC period, would I become disadvantage side of future relationship? He may think”break up”is very useful, because I compromised finally.Next time when we have some problems, will he use “break up”as strategy to treat me again?
ETANA

April 14, 2014 at 2:00 am

Hi
I’ve been with my ex for four years and three months he broke up with me cause of the distance ..I am confused because the same day he told me how much he loves me but after a few hrs he just said he wants a break after he said he wants a break he turned into a break up …haven’t spoken to him in two weeks ..he said his feelings weren’t as strong but they are still there and it hurts him as much as me ..the only reason he is doing that was he knows he would distant himself n he doesn’t want to hurt me even more..really and truly I dnt want to let go we built some much together …
farheen

April 11, 2014 at 3:20 pm

Hey chris! Well your article is really gr8 and sounds really promising. I will brief you with my situation. I was dating this guy for about a year and a half and 4 month ago he starts acting weird and breaks up with me. Evrything gets sorted out and we get back again. After a month this happens again and we get back again and after a month again break. It was kinda my fault cuz iam really short tempered but i apologized and begged for 2 dats and we got back. Evrything was perfect after that until 2 weeks ago. We were having exams and i just wanted to check on him but he did not respond to my calls or txts. Next day i find myself blocked on watsapp and facebook. I trie talking to him but he refused. I spoke to his mum and she told that he is not talking to anyone at home also and that he always has his phone with him and keeps txting someone. His sis told me that he left me cuz apparantly i was very clingy. After that i decided to use NC rule. Its been 10 days since i last spoke to him. So now my question is “will he come back to me?” And im quite sure that he really loved me before and was quite serious about it too.
boineelo

April 8, 2014 at 9:08 am

i broke up with him because he miss my calla at nyt.i told him several times i hate it and he was so sturbon and kept on ignoring my calls at nyt,this was the third times i broke up with him,and he will never say sori. when he miss my calls at nyt he will call at 10am the following day and it pissed me off.so after a week i asked him to forgive me and take me back,he refuesed and said i broke up with him thrice and he cant manage to always be afraid of being dumped.i stayed for a week without talking to him.he sent me an sms asking me how i was and later on he sent me sex text messages saying am making him horny.i told him i cant give me to him if he is not my boyfriend and he told me he is not ready for a relationship not now not soon and he woudnt want to use me. i told him i accept that and will be quite for sometime detaching from him and healing.he refused to take his clothes back.am on a second week doing NC.and he is quite too.is he in a rebounce relationship or what?can no contact rule work on him?
EmotionalWreck

April 5, 2014 at 8:31 am

My boyfriend of 3 months disappeared on me without a word. The next thing i found out he’d been living with the mother of his child but lied about it. So he hasn’t been talking to me and I’ve been doing the same it been 2 weeks now. I’m torn, i love him. He took my virginity. I feel so helpless! I think he was afraid to dump me so he disappeared. Will the no contact make him miss me enough to come back to me? Even if he’s living with his baby mama? I still think if he was able to cheat on her with me, he can do it again.. I know it sounds absurd but blame it on love. Please give me some insight Chris
alicia

April 4, 2014 at 9:15 pm

This is one of the only “get your ex back” type of sites I will read. I love how you explain certain situations it makes me feel so much better bout everything. Hope to god this works for me. Xx thanks chris xx

admin

April 6, 2014 at 4:49 pm

Thank you. It’s so kind of you to say that.

I hope things work out for you.

Sophie

April 2, 2014 at 10:29 pm

Hi Chris!

I’m in college and I dated a guy who broke up with his ex gf who he was dating for 5 years (although it was long distance because they were in different universities. Their family liked it though, and they would visit each other) after he met me (three months into our friendship). He jumped into a relationship with me right away, though I told him he shouldn’t. He said he broke up with his ex because they had ups and downs and it wasn’t for me. He also didn’t talk to his ex, saying that she didn’t want to talk to him.

He broke up with me after around 10 months, and we decided to be friends but I still love him. He said that we were incompatible, but that I was really special to him and will remain that way, that I made him see what kind of man he could be, and that he realized that he is confused about the kind of girl he wants. He also told me that he never had time to “process” his break up with his ex and forgot why he broke up with her and stuff. I asked him if he contacted her, and he said yes, they exchange texts now. I asked him if he wants to get back together, and he said no, that he can’t promise me they won’t, but that right now he wants to fix his mistake of completely cutting her out of his life and treating her like that. We’re in two classes together, but he’ll be graduating in a month, and I still have one year of college left.

What’s going on with his ex? I don’t know what I should do… I read all your guides as well.

admin

April 4, 2014 at 4:39 pm

If he is cutting her out of his life why are you worried?
Sophie

April 5, 2014 at 7:58 pm

He’s not cutting her out. He cut her out when we dated, and now he said he’s trying to “fix” that by talking to her again. So now he speaks to her. He said he’s not trying to get back together, but because his relationship with her was a 5 year one, he still has feelings for her. He also can’t “promise” me he won’t get back together with her. We decided to be friends but he hasn’t called me to plan anything with me.

Tony

April 2, 2014 at 3:22 am

I see this post is geared towards getting a boyfriend back, but what about wanting to get a separated wife back does this plan work the same as you stated? I am day 10 of no contact. We have been separated 6 months but stayed in contact daily until a fight 12 days ago when she asked for time and space. Does the same plan work?

admin

April 2, 2014 at 5:44 pm

Have you read the how to get your ex husband back page?

Anne

March 31, 2014 at 7:58 pm

Struggling. Broke up. Quite a bit of contact within 6 weeks of break up, saw him twice. Each time after we see each other he says he will write and see how I am doing. I almost feel as if it leads me on. He says I am not the one for him and he does not see me in his future and he says he does not love me, he says we have no connection. Then why would he want to know how I was doing after the break up? I should mention we only saw each other because there was a pregnancy scare. Doctor confirmed no pregnancy. But why would he even mention writing to me and seeing how I was doing?
Sasha

March 30, 2014 at 10:08 pm

So i did NC for about 29 days or so, contacted him. The convo seemed fairly up beat and warm, until old things rehatched and he said my actions post break up turned him off and things of that nature. Explained myself and it resumed to a fairly normal convo but not as responsive. The next day I text him with something cute that referred back to the lighter part of convo from the day before. And no response now for 2 days. I’m not sure what to do? Let him cool off a bit before I try again? Its obvious that there are emotions still there but also mixed with anger.

admin

March 31, 2014 at 4:04 pm

EXactly, let him cool off before you try again.

sadness

March 30, 2014 at 12:19 pm

I dated a guy newly divorced and things were strong from the beginning, I kept telling him if he wasn’t ready I would understand. He insisted he was. After a 4 months of love, laughter, vacations, and meeting his family. He was starting to get really stressed working two jobs, taking care of his son, and spending time with me. He had no time to himself and he felt overwhelmed and stressed. He decided he needed time but told me he loved me, was in love with me, and someone he could see in the long term but right not he didn’t think he was ready for a serious relationship. I’m torn and it’s been one week since we last spoke. I am falling apart. Do I wait

Alison

May 27, 2014 at 12:27 pm

Hi sadness
I am in the same situation as you. I until recently had been in an amazing relationship with a man that had been divorced for 6 years and has 2 children with his ex. His work and study, plus taking care of his children for a month whilst their mother went overseas has made him very stressed. and too busy for anything. Despite feeling very close to me and telling me that he loved me – he ended it. Leaving me very confused as to how you can switch emotions almost literally overnight. He did say that he wants to at least have a drink with me after everything has died down but I’m not sure whether they are empty words. I am trying the NC rule to see if it helps me gain (and him) some perspective. Then after the 30 days I will contact him. I’m devastated as I love him but not sure what else to do. I’m not deluded – you know when something is right and worth fighting for.

Rain

March 29, 2014 at 3:26 pm

My last message to him 35 days ago was pretty hateful. Something about not being ready to be friends (though he wanted to). He replied and apologized and we both went dark. So here we are at the end of NC… what on Earth do I say if I reach out?
Sophie

March 28, 2014 at 2:57 am

Hi Chris,

Thanks for your excellent guide! I’m in college and a lot of guys have asked me out but I never felt a spark with them. Then I met this guy, and for the first time there was this wonderful connection. We dated for nearly a year, and he was extremely loving and caring and selfless and would tell me that he’s so happy. He said I’m his soulmate. But then we then fought because he got more into alcohol and other things and wanted to be with his friends and if there was a problem he wouldn’t want to solve it even if i was upset. We got into a big fight and mutually broke up, but I wanted to fix it and work things out the next day but he didn’t. His life is a bit of a mess too with work and stuff but then we were “friends” but more like “friends with benefits” and he knew I wanted to make it work. Then I implemented the no contact rule and he started missing me and we hung out for a couple of days when everything seemed normal and I asked him to make a decision by a particular day. He just completely ignored me after that night. I have classes with him and now he just contacts me if he wants help with work. He’s suddenly stopped contacting me and gotten very uncaring. He’s almost a bit mean in class, commenting on things like “oh your hands are dry etc”. I don’t know what to do because it’s hard to implement the NC rule when we’re in the same class and I don’t know why he’s acting this way…

admin

March 28, 2014 at 4:46 pm

You can still do NC you just may have to change it to MC if you end up being in the same class as him.
Sophie

March 29, 2014 at 12:07 am

Thanks Chris. During minimal contact, how should I act (we have a project together)? If he asks me to help him with work (in other classes, like he used to do), should I? Or should I just ignore any texts to ‘help him’?

Emma

March 27, 2014 at 2:22 am

My ex and I were in a LDR. He was speaking to someone else (our situation was complicated), and I ended up breaking things off. He was desperate to remain friends, but I could not handle it. We’ve been NC for almost three weeks (I told him I had to cut him off, as speaking to him was too painful). This week he’s been trolling on my Flickr page, commenting and adding photos to favorites. I almost responded to a comment today, but chose not to. I can only assume that at this point he’s desperate to reach out to me? We were really good together, but like I said, our situation is complicated at the moment due to the distance. I’m not sure if I should reopen that can of worms after the month is up or not…

admin

March 27, 2014 at 11:54 pm

Have you read my LDR guide?
Emma

March 28, 2014 at 1:20 pm

I have. My biggest issue is that I hate talking on the phone. I fought that. :/ Everything else was there though. I never intended to be in a LDR, it just sort of happened. A week from now will be one month of no contact. I just put up some new photos on my Flickr of my hot new haircut. 😉 Since he’s been stalking my photos I anticipate drooling and oogling on his end…

lauren

March 26, 2014 at 10:43 pm

Evening !

So I’m keeping this short and sweet, I met this guy at christmas and we clicked (haven’t ever felt this way about a guy) saw each other for 2ish months and I knew he had commitment issues but he also stated to me he wasn’t looking for any other girls. Though… I panicked and couldn’t just be happy with the moment and dumped him, I regret it to this day for hurting him. So we didn’t text for 2 weeks and I couldn’t take it so I messaged him and basically I turned into the needy desperate girl. In the midst of it though he told me he has never felt that way toward a girl since high school which really made me want him back so I pushed and ended up being a text nazzi and texted several times in a row with no response. I am embarrassed and want to fix this cause these are real feelings here and we didn’t get the chance to see it, so its been almost 3 weeks of no contact and I am just wondering on what advice I can have from you… ?

admin

March 27, 2014 at 11:51 pm

Has he contacted you at all during the 3 weeks.

keke

March 26, 2014 at 2:00 pm

i was involved with someone on whatsap but we never met each other. but we were genuine and I loved evry moment. we are both married and he was very good to me as my marriage was not well at all. Ive fallen for her but we argued the last and he said I must never contact him again. I did maybe twice after and he would respond. Im working on my marriage but I do want him to be my friend. We are just differnet and from different countries and our cultures are different. I dont like his views on how he sees things but Im willing to accomodate that but he does not seem to be willing to do that. what would you do? i cant stop thinking about him but I also dont want to be a nuisance which he suggested me to be the last time I texted him.

admin

March 26, 2014 at 5:56 pm

Have you attempted NC yet?

Chyan

March 25, 2014 at 4:56 pm

It’s been 2 months and he hasn’t tried to contact me. I think it’s out of respect since I initiated it. I was planning to do nc for a couple more months so that we can be more certain of what we want in life and not blinded by feelings. We broke up after he moved away and started to lose interest.

My question: Would staying in NC for longer than a month harm your chances in the future?

admin

March 26, 2014 at 5:04 pm

Have you tried contact him after the NC?
Chyan

March 27, 2014 at 3:03 pm

After the first 5 weeks of NC, I saw a missed call on my phone from him. It took me about a day to decide to call him back. When I did, he didn’t answer or call back. I’m thinking he may have called by accident or maybe he’s annoyed that I took so long to call back. That’s the closest we came to making contact and I’m not sure if that counts..
Chyan

March 27, 2014 at 3:27 pm

Honestly, I don’t mind being patient, and I do plan on making an effort to contact him in the future since we did not end on bad terms. It’s just sometimes I miss him, and then I end up on websites like these lol. This is however the first time I’ve made a comment.

Btw, thanks for taking time to read and respond. We both know you’re not obligated to 😉

Jane

March 25, 2014 at 12:50 am

My ex and I dated for 1yr 6 months. We haven’t seen each other since we broke up 7 months ago. We haven’t spoken on the phone in 6 months. But he has contacted me through his friend and new girlfriend more than once. He doesn’t want to actually speak to me (hey I’m not asking) but he is somehow speaking through others which is confusing. Please shed some light on this form of communication. Does this mean there is still an emotional attachment there? He is terribly stubborn…

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2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”