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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
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Gal from Kenya
March 9, 2014 at 7:50 pm
Hi Chrx,
Trust me when I say you’ll want to read this word by word.
First and foremost, YOU HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER!
Here’s a short version of my story… Met X over the christmas hols, we hit it off. Great times, super and mature communication, open attraction, throwing caution to the wind and wearing heart on sleeve. Then the txts and calls frm his started getting less as expected…me + freak out = text gnat > Psycho ex gal!
After a week or so, I just stopped! All of it, no txts, calls, begging. Then guess who calls? X. As we were talking (making up) abt the whole thing…he said something that proved a point you just said here “There’s a thin line between love and hate” It went like this;
X: I miss you
Gal frm Kenya: Miss u too..
X: Tell me truth…why did you stop communicating?
GFK: I was trying to forget you..
X: You cant.
What..?!! I cant?! He was so confident that I CAN’T forget him. By pleading and begging I gave him the power to think he was God!! My feelings for him changed in that instant. At that time I had just started reading your Ultimate guides and I call them that because they are. Immediately I started NC, at the beginning I wanted to get X back (day 1 – 6) but as I read more and more everyday I’ve realised my worth. You have built up my self confidence, made me feel like the only gal in the world and to know I don’t need a man to make me feel good about myself. I’m on day 12 and I feel amazing, I don’t think I want him back anymore. I thought he was my hero but he went straight down to zero and you lifted me to touch the sky. Who died and made him king anyway? 😐
I will confidently wait to be swept off my feet by my true love.
Thank you Chrx, You are THE BEST. You’ve given me back a confidence that No one can wipe off. I finally know what I want and what I won’t put up with in my nxt relationships.
Thank you is not enough…
CHRX, YOU ARE THE MAN. LIVE LONG AND PROSPER.. xoxo
admin
March 10, 2014 at 5:47 pm
Can I save this comment?
Can I put it in the success section? This may be my fav comment ever!!!
kelly
March 10, 2014 at 7:16 pm
Hi Chrx,
Yes you can. It’s a success story for me too. YOU ARE A GENIUS.. I fail to understand why you are single. It’s the truth and it comes from my heart. Can you believe you have changed me and I’m all the way in Kenya? If you are ever thinking of a vacation in Kenya… 😉 he he
admin
March 11, 2014 at 4:38 pm
Hahaha I am so happy you got something from the website!
R E
March 9, 2014 at 4:22 pm
Hi chris it’s been a while..
My bf suddenly stopped communcating with me. He told me he will change his number but he didn’t give me his new number.
His social media accounts are all deactivated. There was really no way of contacting him directly. 🙁
Me and my bf is really in a not so good situation before he stopped talking to me and I really feel like taken for granted.
Does that mean that he broke up with me? I am so confused and lost. If it is a break up, it would be the second time.
Anny
March 7, 2014 at 10:28 pm
thank you chris, i will definitely continue doing NC
the thing is we went on a break one time and I texted him like crazy but he was ignoring me, so i thought now that i am giving him the silent treatment he would think ‘why the hell isnt she texting me like she would usually do?’ do you think he doesnt care cause he left me for someone else??
Megan
March 7, 2014 at 8:23 pm
Hi Chris, I have been reading your blog for about a month in a half now and have found your advice to be extremely helpful during this difficult time. My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month and a half ago because we got into an argument, however we remained on good terms and even tried getting back together 3 weeks ago (from the help of your blog) but he changed his mind about being with me after 4 days of slowing getting back together saying there wasn’t a foundation and he wasn’t excited about it which resulted in me asking why and him saying he didn’t know and I ended up hanging up the phone on him and immediately using no contact. I have deleted him on Facebook and Instagram which was a knee jerk reaction from being upset. However, I have a Facebook page for my blog and he continues to “like” my posts almost daily, which I have ignored and haven’t responded to. I haven’t heard from him otherwise and its been 2 weeks so far. He is extremely stubborn, so my expectations of him reaching out are extremely low. I am curious as to why he continues to like my blogs Facebook post? I obviously know he is confused and I think when we broke up the first time we didn’t have enough space and kind of rushed things which may be the cause of him changing his mind so fast this time around. Do you suggest reaching out and sending him a friendly, classy text since we left things on bad terms? Or complete the rest of my no contact period? Thank you for taking the time to help me. I know you are a busy man!
admin
March 8, 2014 at 7:05 pm
Yes, I actually recommended that before you go into NC on my new guide.
anonymous
March 7, 2014 at 4:58 pm
Hey there:)
So it’s been 7 days since the breakup. Neither one of us has tried contacting the other. He goes to school 2 hours away from me and he will be coming home for break today and will be here for the week. I know you suggest 30 days of no contact but I’m worried if I don’t reach out to him now I don’t know when he will be home again and I really want to see him. He came home last week to break up with me in person and said he wants to try to be friends cause we were better that way before and that he still cares about me. I cried so much and was very emotional. I’m afraid if I don’t try texting him this week and ask him to hangout this week then he will be so distracted with tons of pretty college girls up at his school and not want to get back together. I think a big issue was that I got jealous of him hanging out with other girls and that’s why he said he “just wasn’t happy with the relationship anymore.” He is very stubborn that I doubt he will try to make contact first. Would it be too soon to break the NC after a week?
Anonymous
March 7, 2014 at 9:58 am
Hey Chris, I was just wondering if it sounds like my ex boyfriend is in a rebound relationship and if the NC can still work for me after begging for him back for so long, also his VERY stubborn; we were together for 7 months we brokw up 4 months ago because I fell pregnant and lost the baby so it was really depressing and stressful plus hard for the both of us.
He was crying while breaking up with me telling me he’ll always love me and that he wants to remain friends but a relationship with
me is now too hard to handle. He said he loves me more than anyone and he always will but 3 weeks after breaking up with me I find out he was dating his best friends girlfriend who is only 14 my ex is 19 so theres 5 years difference in age!
He has been in a relationship with her for 3 months but she keeps breaking up with him then taking him back apparently he says he loves her more than me and that she means the world to him, this hurts because not only was I in a relationship with my ex for 7 months we saw each other everyday and night as he lived with me and I’ve known him for like 13 years. We also were in a relationship when I was 15 for 5 months. His been my only boyfriend ever(I’m 18 soon) and this new girl and I have been his only 2 girlfriends ever.
Every time we break up I always beg for him back this is the first time I haven’t tried speaking to him for almost 2 months I think… maybe it’s been a month, I’m trying the NC rule but I don’t see how it’s going to work for me because I’ve begged him for so long, then I find your amazing website that is helping me alot; do you still think the NC rule can work for me, is there hope I can get him back a third time or is he gone for good? What do you think?
Thank you!
admin
March 7, 2014 at 7:03 pm
Have you read my rebound page?
Anonymous
March 8, 2014 at 1:48 am
Yeah, I have. I just wanted you to read my story and give me your personal opinion but by what you said on your page it does sound like he’s in a rebound relationship.
Jackie
March 6, 2014 at 8:39 pm
Hi Cris, I had to tell him to stop contacting me. I really needed the space, now I did the No Contact but we accidentaly saw each other at night, and we just said hi, and then nothing. I’m at no contact again (starting over). And still nothing…
lisa s
March 6, 2014 at 7:43 pm
i got dumped 12 days ago, he said he felt bad about spending so much time away from his kids, his work and personal issues were suffering, bottom line, guilt and ex-wife pressure. i emailed him and said i understand and that i thought he was a great dad and should put his needs in to consideration as well. he wrote back thanking me and that was that. so now what? i have been dating other men, i am not sitting here crying but i honestly miss this guy. will he contact me again or was that his real reason for ending thing? confused!!!
anonymous
March 3, 2014 at 2:33 pm
Hi Chris, I read your reasons on why he wouldn’t contact. What about other reasons, like the Ex simply doesn’t want anything to do with the girl anymore?
admin
March 3, 2014 at 6:52 pm
Again, always a reason but believe it or not this is rare b/c even if he doesn’t want the girl anymore he still may get angry and decide to respond to her.
Claire
March 3, 2014 at 9:53 am
Hey Chris,
I didn’t really implement 30NC. Instead, I ignored my ex for a day or 2, and he would text me to try to make small talk. To which some i replied. Also, we stay in the same building. And are taking the same classes. Hence we see each other every other day. He tells me that he loves me and he misses me, but he is not ready to be in a relationship. He prioritises his friends over me, and he also felt that i was too controlling, which was what led to the breakup.
I’m feeling really confused over what i should do, as i really do love him. But he has cheated and done many things to me that my friends say i should just forget about him as he’s so mean to me. But we’ve been at it for almost 8 years now. Should i still try to implement 30NC? As he can just look for me anytime he wants since i’m staying 3floors away. Or is there any other way to solve the issue of him prioritising me over his friends.
admin
March 3, 2014 at 6:47 pm
I think 30 day NC is a good move.
Whitney
March 3, 2014 at 8:25 am
PlEaSe pLeAsE PlEaSe reply. It will be greatly appreciated.
I dated my bf for a year. We seemed to be going strong. Things ended pretty suddenly, although over the month I experienced him pulling away. But he’d done that before. He looked so sad he said was that he was “just unhappy”, but also said that he’d see me at school…
I put the no contact rule into practice immediately. It has been just shy of 2 months now with no contact. I have taken this time to focus on myself and my school work, but I still really miss him.
I know he has difficulty expressing his feelings, gets stressed out easily and is extremely stubborn. I was his first long term girlfriend so he must feel SOMETHING. He had such a strong urge to protect and cherish me in such a wonderful way. I do not believe that that passion can just completely die.
I have read almost every article on your site. I have been deciding how I should initiate contact. I was between bringing up a good mutual memory that would lead him to thinking of our first kiss, but my most recent idea is to ask him to return a sweatshirt I had left in his room by dropping it off at one of the studio rooms I use frequently. I do not plan on being present if/when he complies. This way we don’t have to see each other. We go to college together and this semester we are in completely separate buildings.
I was thinking that this initial contact may hopefully start the text conversations.
Do you think this would be a good decision? I’m kind of terrified.
I have a few more ideas for contact texts after this and already know what I’d do for us to meet up… assuming this will work.
Thank you for listening and thank you for this blog. It’s so very helpful.
admin
March 3, 2014 at 6:45 pm
IM RESPONDING!!!!!!!
Not a fan of talking about the first kiss so early. Not sure I am a fan of the sweatshirt thing either. It needs to be something else.
Whitney
March 4, 2014 at 6:15 am
Ok. Thank you!!!
What about sending a snapchat of a silly inside joke we have that he really found hilarious. I feel like that would work to break the ice.
Is that a better alternative?
Or should I just go with good mutual memories of hanging at the park, video games, etc?
Thanks again.
admin
March 4, 2014 at 6:54 pm
That might work!
Karen
March 2, 2014 at 9:25 pm
Hey Chris, first of all I really appreciate your advice. I just wanted to leave a comment on here because I think you may have missed mine last time. I miss my ex like crazy, and I really want him back.
I ended our relationship because he seemed distant, blew me off, and was pulling away and it seemed as if he was going to break it off but wasn’t going to initiate it. I asked him why he was so distant and he wouldn’t give me any answers and just told me he didn’t know what I expected from him. By the way, this is a long distance relationship so I have no way of knowing what really happened, despite the fact that I begged him for honesty.
Afterwards we talked but he only responded in one word answers, really. I started no contact, and then re-contacted after 30 days, with little results and an unenthusiastic reply. Is it really the best choice to continue to contact someone first who you broke it off with for their lack of reaching out? Is there anything I can do at this point?
admin
March 3, 2014 at 6:20 pm
Sorry if I missed your comment :/.
I am trying my best.
What have your texts been like after you re-contacted him?
karen
March 3, 2014 at 11:16 pm
No worries, thank you for the quick reply–I understand how many messages you must get!
I’ve only texted him once after 30 days…I sent a short text about a camping trip I recently took where I saw a bear, and how it reminded me of a hiking trip we took together and had a bear encounter (this is one of our best times together). I told him how it reminded me of the trip. I even sent it from a different city I was travelling in because of a job interview (location showed on the message).
His reply just seemed disinterested, and so I read it and did not respond. Even with time change he replied in the late afternoon the next day after I had sent it the night before (his time). It was something along the lines of “cool, didn’t know there were bears in that part of the country.” He didn’t ask really about me at all.
I’m sorry for all the gritty details, I’m just really trying to evaluate at this point whether it is worth it to continue to try to reach out to someone who doesn’t, no matter how much I miss them :/.
admin
March 4, 2014 at 3:26 am
No your good. Keep trying. That was actually a decent response I think.
Fiona
March 1, 2014 at 2:11 pm
Hey Chris.
i dont want to sound rude or anything im just beeing a bit sceptical. I been doing the no contact rule for more than 2 months now. He never contacted me during this time. But i also worked alot on myself and my Attitude. Started to go to dancing class again. Got a new job. Learned how to stop taking things so serious and not to be as emotional anymore.
Thing is my exbf left me cause he said the feelings are gone and that he can only see me as a friend.he said he still cares about me and he still wants us to talk normal and be friends.same excuse i always hear actually,seeing as after the breakup he was talking to me normally one day after and after that he always only respond with a one word answer or not at all. Even if i was just asking how his day was or how hes doing. Thats when i started the no contact rule. But i was wondering if he stopped caring about me when he lost his feelings why would he even think about me when hes already over and done with me since the break up?b/c i had ex bfs who pulled the no contact rule on me but i never even really thought about them anymore when they were gone. Even if they messaged me after nc id still not care if they didnt answer me for awhile after saying something as – you wont believe what happened to me-. Again i dont mean to sound rude or anything. I was just wondering if he will or was really thinking about me at some point at all.
admin
March 2, 2014 at 7:26 pm
I am sure he is thinking about you.
And feel free to be skeptical. Be more specific about what you are skeptical aboout.
Fiona
March 3, 2014 at 3:37 am
Thank you for the quick reply 🙂
Well i was just beeing a bit sceptical if he would care at all using the NC rule seeing as he stopped caring when he broke up with me. But i messaged him like your guide and book said and he replied positive i think. Im not sure if he still has me friendzoned like he did after he broke up or if i can still spark some emotions for me inside of him. Guess i will just have to keep going and see if anything happens. :/
admin
March 3, 2014 at 6:34 pm
Ya… try to take a big picture perspective when it comes to this stuff. So many people are too invested in the smallest little detail and get upset when every little thing doesn’t go their way.
Fiona
March 4, 2014 at 4:50 pm
Yea that is what im trying to do but i dont really get him. We are back in contact since almost a week now but yesterday all of a sudden he messaged me apologizing that he lost his feelings for me and that it must of been hard but that he just cant do anything about it either. I changed the subject with a joke and a bit later he started talking about having sex. I declined of course and asked for a casual meet but he didnt drop the sex thing until i said im going to sleep and id talk to him later. Im a bit at a loss here of how i should see the Situation. Any advice?
Sabrina
March 1, 2014 at 5:38 am
Hi chris does this applies if your ex has a gf thats why he wont contact you ?
admin
March 2, 2014 at 7:13 pm
Yes.
Sabrina
March 3, 2014 at 8:29 am
Thank you chris x
Jade
March 1, 2014 at 4:32 am
So I just sent my ex a text after first contact saying “I just saw Nathan playing Slender and it made me think of you for the first time in a while. Honestly it made me smile:)”. Nathan is my brother by the way. Anyway it will hopefully remind him of the time he tricked me into playing that game I had no clue what was going on. It was late out so I was tired so hopefully that justifies my reaction. Anyway I was playing and the music got louder and I got confused then all of sudden slender appeared and I got scared. It was really funny I screamed and woke up his dogs. Anyway back to what happened after I sent that text it shows he read it 3 mins later but he never responds. What does that mean?
admin
March 2, 2014 at 7:11 pm
It means you got a no response and you have to wait some time and find a more compelling message to send.
Lucy
February 27, 2014 at 9:14 pm
Can i just ask the million dollar question? So I want my ex back as much as the next person. I miss him like crazy and I have made it through almost two months of no contact. To be fair, I told him not to contact me. That I needed time and space and I’d let him know when I was ready. I do believe he is the type of person to respect that. BUT if a guy has changed his mind about things, changed how he felt, or missed you that much, wouldn’t he contact you no matter what? The main idea behind he’s just not that into you is that if a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you and you will know. So if a guy breaks up with us, is it not best to just let them come back if they want to no matter how much you want them back? Is reaching out to a guy who didn’t want to be with you really going to change anything? I want to believe it can happen. I just have my doubts.
admin
February 28, 2014 at 10:39 pm
Well, let me ask you this.
Say a guy does want you back or at least a part of him wants you back but HE is afraid to make the first move b/c he is afraid of what you will think? Sometimes someone needs to initiate things.
Stace
February 25, 2014 at 8:56 pm
Chris, i love your posts! But unfortunately before I found them I have done everything wrong in the 5 weeks since my ex broke up with me and he said i look desperate & sad. He said there’s no way we can be friends right now and emphasized “we are NOT getting back together.” Which of course devastated me to the core! I wish I knew & was strong enough to do NC from day 1. Anyways, at this point is there any salvaging at this point?! I’m so embarrassed & hurt.
admin
February 27, 2014 at 7:14 pm
Have you read the latest post? I think it could be helpful to you.
Stace
February 28, 2014 at 6:13 am
Ok, I just read it! Summary for my case: -nothing happened on the list from the “knowing how to weigh your chances” section. -I can envision a happy ending, but he can’t. -no cheating, emotional abuse or BAD fighting occurred. -he is not seeing anyone currently. -last contact from him was negative, but I sent a mature, classy text and then began NC (I’m only on day 2 now)
So, after 6 weeks of failing NC, acting desperate on 4 separate occasions, and him saying “we are NOT getting back together,”
A) Should I still give this a shot?
B) Can NC work in a case like this? I have been working on self-improvement since day 1 (counseling, weight loss, etc.) and will continue to. I’m thinking 30-60 days…?!?
Please answer these 2 questions, I know you’re a busy man 😉
admin
February 28, 2014 at 10:56 pm
A. I think you should BUT its all up to you and if you feel you have a chance. Do some soul searching.
B. Absolutely it can!
Stace
February 28, 2014 at 12:01 pm
Man, I realized I don’t sound too enthusiastic lol. I’m just so embarrassed and feeling hopeless, although I love him dearly and really want to spend forever with him. I also wanted to make it short/concise b/c I know you get sooo many comments to read everyday! Thanks Chris!
Amanda
February 28, 2014 at 5:54 am
Which post?? My situation is very similar!
Liz
February 25, 2014 at 3:17 pm
Hi Chris, I’m on day 20 of the NC rule and I still haven’t heard anything from my ex. We were together 7 months and he was planning on moving up here and had even talked to my dad about wanting to marry me which even he told me that he was gonna marry me one day. We didn’t have a bad breakup it more that he didn’t know what he wanted anymore as in if he was gonna move to be with me which was his thought from when we first started dating. He also said that when he got this job offer he was scared to really let his life change. I didn’t do the nc rule right off the bat but the past two times I had talked to he was quoting things word for word off of my social media and I’m not one to post a lot either. The last time we talked he showed up at my work out of the blue, he had texted from a new work phone saying that he was going to drop by which is confusing as to why he would even have my number in his new work phone when he had both of them with him when he dropped by. We talked and I have being doing what you said about becoming a better version of myself. I’ve lost 20 pounds, dyed my hair and had been focusing on me. Anyways he kept going on about how good it looked and then asked about family and brought up things had been posted on Facebook about me going out with friends. Well last week I put up a picture of me showing off the new me. I get back on fb on my break and come to see that he deleted me as a friend and stopped following me on Instagram but still continues to be friends with everyone else in my family. A friend advised me that because I appear to be moving on and being happy he probably couldn’t look at my stuff anymore. I miss him so much he’s still the first and last thing I think about each day. I don’t run into him cause he lives in another city. We ended on good terms with our breakup is there still a chance to get him back? I’m nervous that because he decided to delete me that he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Can you please give me some advice?
admin
February 25, 2014 at 7:04 pm
I think there is. Especially if you ended on good terms with him.
vee
February 25, 2014 at 10:32 am
what if he left me hanging and i never contacted him again? its been 2 months of no contact rule. I don’t know if i should get back with him. he never contacted me again.
Zowie
February 24, 2014 at 9:19 am
Hi Chris. I’m currently only on Day 3 of the NC but I’m also 4 months pregnant with said ex. I honestly don’t think he will be contacting me very soon but what if he does ask about the baby etc? It so happens my Day 30 will be my 20 week scan so is that a good conversation starter after the NC period? Should I ignore him till this date? Thanks.
admin
February 24, 2014 at 6:53 pm
I think you should only talk to your ex when you absolultey have to about the baby.