What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Cecil

February 15, 2014 at 3:44 am

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and we argued a lot towards the end of the breakup mostly because he wanted more space and his own time to do other things than just hanging out with me, and of course being a girl I was clingy. He said he needed space because he doesnt know about us anymore. So i started the no contact rule, I was doing good until today on valentines day he texted me and said “happy valentines day, im sorry for everything I put you through.” and I caved and said we should talk.. and he said he wasnt ready, but if I didnt want to wait for him he understood and that I could move on if I wanted to. IM so disappointed that I broke no contact. should I just go back into doing the 30 days? deep down I still want him very much and but I feel like IM the only one who wants to reconcile.

admin

February 15, 2014 at 6:10 pm

What do you think? Go back into NC or not?
G

February 16, 2014 at 4:51 am

I think yes! I realize you’re not asking me, but I still hang around here anyways… I think yes, because it will only help.

Sabrina

February 15, 2014 at 1:43 am

“That was the most insightful guide on the no contact rule that I have ever read.” 🙂 another best read, happy valentines day chris!

admin

February 15, 2014 at 6:07 pm

happy valentines day!!!

Haha and I hope you did find it insightful.
Sabrina

February 16, 2014 at 4:56 am

How about chris when your exbf new gf doesnt want the two of you talking and now his ignoring you.
admin

February 16, 2014 at 6:21 pm

That is really tough… Not much you can do but give him space and try again at a later date.
Sabrina

February 15, 2014 at 2:19 am

I hope you still remember my story 🙂 4year relationship, got a new gf after three days, hasn’t contact me or not even responded to my texts, new gf keep on snooping around.. I have been doing great with the NC 2.5months 🙂 did not contact him not because of the entitlement but because he is stubborn and his gf snooping attitude, he said that i should give him time so im giving him alllll the time he needs .

Jesse

February 15, 2014 at 1:05 am

My ex dumped me a month ago because of “lost feelings.” He always said he wanted to stay friends. He’s jealous and depressed right now but refuses to talk to me. All his friends and his parents see he’s shutting the world out after the break up. He rejects any invitation to hang out and is rude to his parents all the time, never opening up to talk about the breakup. Instead he sits in his room day and night when he used to be so active. He refuses to talk to me and wants me to give him a break, even though i already have. He’s said he questions what he did and he’s confused, but then he contradicts himself a lot and tests the waters. Next weekend im seeing him at a beach get together for a friends birthday. That friend is a guy my ex sees as a threat due to a party we all went to a few weeks ago. The guy was sitting on my lap and my ex looked like he was crying, and everyone noticed. I dont know what to do? Im going to try NC, but the beach event will get in the way. He acts so mean online, but in person he’s sad , awkward, and watches me constantly. Should i try and make him jealous with the guy he sees a threat. My ex and everyone else knows im out of his league, because he’s not such a ladies magnet, so he’s always gotten really uncomfortable with me around attractive guys.

admin

February 15, 2014 at 1:58 am

Honestly, he just seems really hurt and doesn’t know how to handle those emotions to me.
Jesse

February 15, 2014 at 3:29 pm

But when will he learn to handle them? And when he does do you think he’ll comes back to me? Last night i saw a snapchat of him at the club with his friends but my friend who was there said he didn’t do anything with girls, just stayed with his friends.
Jessica

February 16, 2014 at 8:58 am

My ex was the same as your situation. He was insecure around other guys when I was with him. So I am worried jealousy might be a bad idea. I accidentally did that when I posted on my Facebook my model friend shared an ice cream at Hollister with me and I also mentioned he walked me to my car and gave me a hug (we are a family at my work he was acting like a brother). Anyway my ex got so po he broke through his stubborn no contact with me and said “I still want to be friends but did you have to post a guy was down right flirting with you?” He jumped to a conclusion and it might have effected our relationship in a bad way so for do it. Try Chris’ idea with the texting after the NC month is up. 🙂 Good luck

Tamsin

February 14, 2014 at 11:10 pm

Hi Chris,
I split up with my boyfriend of a year just under a week ago. Over the past month & a half we have been through an awful lot and it seems to have got too much for us. We both suggested space would be the best thing and he also feels things were getting too serious but would like to stay friends. Two days later he was contacting me about a recipe he wanted, which resulted in a ton of missed calls in one day, is this a bit much for a recipie or is he using an excuse to talk to me? I eventually answered and the conversation wasn’t awkward but wasn’t brilliant. However, this was before I decided to implement the NC rule and am only three days in. I’m worried if he now contacts me and I ignore he won’t want to talk to me again because he’s stubborn & I know it will hurt his ego! I want to win him back & make him commit more seriously!

Thank you!

admin

February 15, 2014 at 1:51 am

Ya but did you read the part where I am adamant about you contacting him first after NC?

Amber

February 14, 2014 at 10:39 pm

What sets this website from the others is the thoroughness with which its articles have been written. It’ provides an in-depth analysis of the psyche both after the break up and during the implementation of No-Contact. It’s rather generous of you, Chris, to take out the time to provide people with such detailed insight and help.

admin

February 15, 2014 at 1:47 am

Hahah that is pretty much my goal with everything I write. Go above and beyond.

Alicia

February 14, 2014 at 7:02 pm

Thanks for making me feel better about myself! My bf broke up with me a week ago, however we work in the same team so the NC rule isn’t really working for me. Is there any other alternative in my case?

admin

February 15, 2014 at 1:40 am

Yes there actually is. I like to call it limited contact.

Naomi

February 14, 2014 at 2:50 pm

It has been months since we broke up. We both dated other people. I realized that I was just rebounding and stopped dating this awesome guy. We have talked. He said he still cares but he doesn’t really act like it anymore. I don’t know if he is just being stubborn. It’s not like he is trying. I keep holding on to hopes that he still wants something to happen again.

admin

February 14, 2014 at 6:57 pm

Wait, so who do you want back? The Ex or the rebound?

Jen

February 14, 2014 at 1:34 pm

Hey Chris,

What do you think if my ex might be thinking if he might think that I hate him and asks me why I was so nice to him? We got back together after being apart for a while and then he said that he couldn’t see a future in us but hoped to see us together again in the future and that he still loved me and missed me. He also had been struggling deciding what he wanted to do with his life.

Is NC not as effective if it’s the second break up? I really do think we could have a future together but don’t know at all what is going on inside his head. Why wouldn’t he reach out if that’s the case?

admin

February 14, 2014 at 6:55 pm

I think it does lose its effectiveness a bit each time but it still can be very effective.

marsha

February 14, 2014 at 10:01 am

HI Chris, , this article is true.
i remember that my ex is very taurus personality. he is so stubborn that he can’t be wrong. i don’t understand why he is so angry because i don’t put him first that he doesn’t feel like i love him so he calls it quit.

so you mean, NC works for stubborn man too?
i know it seems overconfident but i believe deep down in his heart he still loves me but too stubborn to take it.

what can i do to make him love me again?
please write about stubborn man.

admin

February 14, 2014 at 6:51 pm

Yes, I do think it works for stubborn men.

However, you have to be willing to accept that stubborness.
marsha

February 16, 2014 at 5:39 am

yes i think he is possesive because somehow i think he don’t trust me. it’s not his fault anyway. i never tell him any of my privacy like most of his friend’s girlfriend.

my father raised me with my brother, i spend half of my life with him (we even a roomie for 12years. oh god!). i went to school/academy where 90% of the students are man/boys and it makes me more like a man than woman: i don’t talk much, i talk to the point, i don’t share feeling because it’s sign of weakness, i play video games with my brother (so, sometimes i don’t answer his call. too busy to play :p) i never cry in public, when i feel stress i want to be alone rather than talk about my feeling. i was gone couple times to see therapist and cool myself down.

he just doesn’t understand my behaviour, because my appearance is ultra-feminine and i know how to fake lady like behaviour (i was 15 when my parents said I HAVE TO CHANGE & DON’T BE BOYISH), that’s why he doesn’t believe me when i explain that i just play x-box so i can’t answer the phone or why i’m gone. he said i must be cheating. he couldn’t take it. But we are such a good couple and perfect together, our personality match to each other.
admin

February 16, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Wow you guys are really close. 12 years.

So, do you think you made him feel admired or loved enough?
marsha

February 14, 2014 at 10:07 am

i mean… his angry is like i’m cheating. he judge me cheating while i’m not. he is so posssesive and thought i’m cheating all the time i’m not around. because i don’t have much time for him.
admin

February 14, 2014 at 6:52 pm

Do you think he is too possesive? B/c men like this are usually bad news.

sophia

February 14, 2014 at 7:42 am

I am 20 days into no contact. We dated for just over a year and he broke it off without much explanation and wants to be friends. I changed my Facebook profile pic on day 15 and he “liked” it on day 15 of no contact. Question. ..does that count as an actual contact by him or not? We are both divorced and in our 40s. What do you make of him liking the profile pic? Thanks. Great website! ! Btw does Valentine’s put any kind of twist if it falls during the no contact period?

admin

February 14, 2014 at 6:50 pm

I think that counts yes haha. Granted, its not him actually reaching out but maybe he is scared to. Nevertheless, he is thinking about you.

anonymous

February 14, 2014 at 7:14 am

Does this guide applies to men whose ex girlfriends keep doing nc on them?

admin

February 14, 2014 at 6:38 pm

I think it can yes.. there may be some differences.
anonymous

February 15, 2014 at 12:47 am

Can your next guide please be written on the differences? In addition to that, you can link it with the “move on without actually moving on theory” if the lady goes strict nc on her ex boyfriend. Maybe just exchange a few text msgs every few weeks or mths.

I have an exboyfriend who will contact me out of the blue, every few mths. Just to drop a text asking how am i doing and if i’m alrdy married. Then he goes ignoring me all over again. I really dont want to ever reconcile with him; but just curious as to why he keeps doing it. Why does he bother? He’s been doing this for the past 10yrs since we broke up.
admin

February 15, 2014 at 1:55 am

Honestly, I was thinking of updating my entire theory on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I figure every single year I should update my theory b/c for me it is a process that is always evolving.
anonymous

February 15, 2014 at 11:40 am

I agree! Its constantly evolving. Also, is it possible that if the exboyfriend doesn reach out to his exgirlfriend when she keeps doing nc on him. There could be a possibility that he really doesn care anymore about her and has no thoughts on reconcilation. Esp when he’s out there dating other ladies. True, no? What are your thoughts on this?
admin

February 15, 2014 at 6:34 pm

Yes it’s possible BUT that can pretty much be said about anything.
anonymous

February 16, 2014 at 7:22 am

Can you please do a guide on move on without actually moving on? Because i feel its an effective way to get an exboyfriend back.

But suppose i do strict nc, for say 30days or so. In an attempt to move on without actually moving on (dating other men, enjoying life while still having feelings for my ex) how long should i do it for before i should just move on and assume he’s def not gonna chase me or want me back. If he chooses to not reach out to me at all?

I’ve seen some books mentioning 2mths. If your ex doesn reach out within 2mths. No way is he ever coming back. Also, taken into consideration that this will not be the first nc i’m doing on him.

Honestly, i believe lots of ladies after breakup, goes into nc with their ex for a few days. Maybe a wk. They get in touch again. And then nc again. And the cycle just goes on. Before you knw it. It could b a year of going back and forth being in touch with their exs.

So again, how long should i do nc for, before assuming he’s not wanting me back? Men are hunters. So i dont think i should be the one who always have to reach out to him after i do nc each time.
admin

February 16, 2014 at 6:26 pm

My next guide is going to be an updated guide on “how to get your ex boyfriend back” it is going to be pretty big. But the moving on without moving on is in the works don’t worry.

Annie

February 14, 2014 at 6:09 am

wow haha I like this guide, wish you could give us this guide earlier when I still in NC period. But finally it’s over for me, I could manage my expectations well to follow your guide and got my ex back.

Have you ever think of writing a guide on how to a couple should fight/argue.

Cause I’m really having that problem now. Sometimes I really mad at my bf (but I’ve learnt to control my emotions so I dont let it pour out. And you know, eventually it will explode badly).

The thing is I dont know how to communicate in a right way with him. Doing a short NC during a normal relationship is ok to guys? without making him angry or misunderstand?

Thanks

admin

February 14, 2014 at 6:47 pm

Well, problems will occur no matter what you do. The key is to communicate about the problems and find a common ground that you can agree on.

Do this in a very calm way. Raising your voice solves nothing.
Annie

February 15, 2014 at 6:01 am

ok I’ll try, thank you Chris

Mich

February 14, 2014 at 3:46 am

Do you think having a rebound relationship also is a part of showing me his resentment? Because i somehow feel like my ex is doing that and flaunting it publicly. He did play the victim card right after our breakup and the other woman seem to relish the attention. And now my friends tell me he has become this arrogant asshole that shows people that he really moved on.

admin

February 14, 2014 at 5:31 am

That could definitely be a possiblity!.
lexy

February 14, 2014 at 8:41 pm

Hi Chris,

What if the guy is in a rebound relationship? Should I still contact him first? he just got very angry at me after an argument and went straight into a relationship with a girl that is really not his type. he was at first rubbing it in my face at every occasion but I kept NC (I know he didnt expect this). he stopped doing it now and it doesn’t even seem like they are together anymore (they still are on fb though). Shall I wait for him or try to contact him? I know his RS wont last but I also know he is very stubborn…
admin

February 15, 2014 at 1:43 am

Yes I think you should. But keep that first interaction very brief.
Mich

February 14, 2014 at 5:52 am

Another question Chris,what is on his mind when i keep tweeting or posting non-relationship subjects in social media? Because that is the only time he gets to see what’s going on in my life. Should i just stop tweeting until NC is over or just tweet and ignore? I want a part of him to miss me.that’s all.
admin

February 14, 2014 at 6:45 pm

No I think you are good to be tweeting like that. You are doing perfectly.

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2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”