What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Lily

January 16, 2020 at 8:08 am

My ex broke up with me 3 wks ago. We were together for more than 6 yrs. He said he doesnt know what he wants in life and he knows that i want marriage(though i am really not pressuring him) and he cant give it to me as he doesnt really know what he wants. We talked 1.5wks after the break up. The last text i got from him is showing concerns. After that, i engaged to no contact. Its been 4 days. I am planning to do no contact for 1 month. But can i still get him back? He said he has a deadline to himself to figure out things by July. Should i wait until then? I really dont want to lose him.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 16, 2020 at 11:46 pm

Hi Lily no dont allow that deadline set for you, you work on yourself and do what comes naturally! Work through this process of course starting with No Contact and reach out at the end of 30 days, but make sure you are doing the work that is required to become Ungettable during your No Contact or it wont have as much of an effect

Jenny

January 10, 2020 at 1:25 am

My ex texted me after 28 days NC. He was super friendly and we had a nice chat. He apologized for being so distant and that he had alot going on. He wanted to know if I would like to meet up for a drink soon and catch up. I agreed, but haven’t heard from him again 🙁 It’s been 3 days. Now what? So confused.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 11:29 pm

Hey Jenny, so its positive conversation and the outreach that you got from him, now he has asked for a meet up and to see if you were willing to meet. I would NOT reach out to him for at least two weeks, and if it comes to that point I would reach out with a first text like what Chris suggests in his texting articles and not about meeting up. Try not to skip the value chain, which is something else you need to learn about through this website

Jamie

January 7, 2020 at 9:09 am

Hi Chris,
My ex broke up with me through text and blocked my number before I even got a chance to respond, yet we’re still friends on social media. It’s been 18 days NC. We dated for almost year and never fought. In the last couple of months, our relationship became long-distance, but we still made it work. I recently said “I love you” to him and he said it back. A week later, he texted me saying I gave him anxiety ever since I told him I loved him and that this wasn’t what he wanted. He told me he couldn’t continue to have me invest my time and emotions when he just isn’t in the same mindset. Everything leading up to the day of was fine. He texted me in the morning to have a good day (like he always did.) We had several trips and events planned over the next few months, and he broke up with me over text, 3 days before I was supposed to fly out and spend Christmas with his family. I know there was nothing I could have said or done to prevent this, but will he reach out?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 7, 2020 at 10:43 pm

I can not tell you if they reach out or not, but if they do, then you can not reply until your no contact is over. You need to spend some time working on yourself so that you are not watching their social media and preparing for your first text

Tonia

January 6, 2020 at 1:23 pm

Hi there! I really hope that you can please please help me.

My ex and I have been seeing each other for 2 years with 3 months break in between. We broke up again recently. I am 26 days into no contact. When we broke up it was really peaceful and he said that it saddens him too but it is unfair for him to keep leading me on cause I want marriage but he s still deciding what he wants (we broke up before for the exact same reason)

The next day after we broke up he messaged said he would come collect his stuff soon (nothing really important) and I said sure let me know when you ready (I have since then gone on holiday and will only return by the end of Jan which he knows about), then we started complete no contact.

I really love him and I know that I WANT him back, I can see us working again, however I am just worried that because we broke up twice over the same problem of , would he come back for the third time? Or would he feel too bad to come back because he s convinced that he d hurt me for the third time?

Should I extend the no contact period longer until I return back to my city? (It would then be 47 days of no contact)

Thank you in advance!!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2020 at 2:29 am

Hey Tonia, yes extend until you are home 47 days is not too long. It also gives you time to prepare your first hook text when you reach out for the first time

Christy

January 3, 2020 at 12:20 am

After 42 days of NC I reach out with a short fun conversations that would interest him , 12 days later I did the same. He responded quickly and engaged well with me. But the 3rd time I reached out he was very cold and business like. It’s now been 3 months since the break up, with me reaching out 3 times in the last 6 weeks. He has yet to reach out and he still has me blocked on Facebook. I don’t understand why he never reached out to me. I am inclined to give up.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 3, 2020 at 1:18 am

Hi Christy, it can take a few more times of having positive conversations to get your ex interested in talking to you, remember it is important to end conversations, even if you have to just cut out at the high point you need to be the one ending the conversation. It doesnt matter that you are starting them at this point

Enaj

January 2, 2020 at 7:16 am

Me and my ex were chatmates for 3 and half years. And we just recently meet in person. Been going to his place twice. And the last time i went there i had a bad mood and he didnt like it. Then he just broke up with me because he didnt want my attitude. I just keep silent with a bad mood. And he doesnt know what he has done wrong. And he said were too different. No chemistry and spark. What should i do? Am i going to move on or still fight for my feelings for him?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 3, 2020 at 1:34 am

Hey so we can not tell you what to do, if you choose to move on thats great, and if you choose you want to try and get your ex back thats great too. But when you decide we can advise you further

Amanda

December 22, 2019 at 2:07 pm

Hi!

My ex and I broke up 30 days ago. We were together for 4yrs, including 3 where we lived together. I followed a strict NC. He texted me a week after the breakup and asked to speak with me but I didn’t answer. He hasn’t tried to reach out since then. He still has all my stuff.

I don’t know what to do. Should I reach out to him asking about my things? Should I explain why his last text has been ignored?

Thank you very much

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2019 at 3:46 pm

Hi Amanda, no you do not tell him why you ignored him and dont reach out about your things if you want to get your ex back you need to talk to him about something where you need advice or did something exciting that would interest him. Keep the conversation positive short and you must end the conversation not him

What to do

December 19, 2019 at 10:04 am

Hello,

My ex broke up with me a week ago and the text I had sent him before he broke up with me to my face has still been left unread. Since then he has been appearing online but purposefully ignoring my message. He is making me feel like I’m in the wrong and it hurts me so much how he could do this. He is also making me feel like he doesn’t care a single bit about me. Two days before he broke up with me, we had a really great evening together and told each other how much we loved each other. I just can’t understand how behaviour. I also booked for us to go and see a musical the following week and when he broke up with me I asked him what should i do about it. His response was to go with someone else or sell the tickets and that he would pay his side of it. Yesterday was the day of the musical and I was at least expecting a message from him to say if he could pay me back. But nothing. Hasn’t opened the chat and keeps appearing online. It makes me wonder all sorts of questions, who is he talking to, has he moved on, is he seeing someone else. It is driving me mad.
Nicole

December 19, 2019 at 12:42 am

We broke up last week (he initiated after a good date even. no fighting just too much too soon). I have been in nc since, but got a message from a friend that he is posting stuff about being broken-hearted, some interests he knows I have, and a song about barely hanging on. It’s only been 6 days, but with Christmas and my birthday happening within the next 3 weeks, I am not sure how strong my resolve will be if he contacts me. If I break, do I start nc all over? Is the fact that he is posting a good sign. He had angry posts after his last break-up.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2019 at 4:44 pm

His emotional posts are a good sign that he is missing you yes, but it does not mean he wants to get back together yet. Stick with your no contact and do not reach out to him, if he messages you asking to get back together then you can answer him but unless those words come from him keep with your NC and don’t break it or you do have to start from day one all over again.

Kassandra

December 18, 2019 at 9:57 pm

Hi Shaunna,
I’m on day 36 of NC and he’s still not contacted me. I think I can make it to 45 days, but I’m feeling terribly negative about the whole thing. I don’t think he’ll be in touch before the new year; the longer NC goes on, the more I feel like I will never hear from him again. ☹ I feel less secure about re-establishing contact.

My NC ends a couple of days before New Year and that’s already a nice reason to make contact, but I am so scared! I know Chris doesn’t recommend an NC that exceeds 45 days, but what if I’m not ready by then?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 21, 2019 at 9:56 pm

Hey Kassandra, so the reason for that is the habits we create with partners when speaking, but you can extend if you are not ready but do not go over the 66 days. It is very common that exes dont reach out during no contact as they are waiting for you to reach out to them

Caroline

December 8, 2019 at 12:32 pm

My ex did the slow fade and after a few texts with zero reply , I initiated no contact .We only dated two months but we talked everyday via text and phone . Only two weeks into N C on my end, but I haven’t heard one word from him in four weeks . Do slow faders ever comeback around ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 8, 2019 at 10:51 pm

Hi Caroline, you can if you apply this program and stick to it and work on becoming Ungettable

About2GiveUp

November 30, 2019 at 1:21 pm

My ex and I didn’t have a real period of NC after our break up in September. Then, at the end of October, after we had a huge fight, he asked for some space but said he”d contact me once he’s ready. We had some email exchange up until earlier this month. Now it’s been 3 weeks since we’ve not had any contact with each other. I’d say he’s definitely the stubborn type (type 3) Chris mentions in the article. I’m spiralling into a hopeless mindset where I convince myself he’ll never contact me ever again! What should I do if it’s been 30 or 45 days of NC and he has still not been in touch as he promised?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 1, 2019 at 12:48 am

Hey there so the amount of time you spent arguing and talking after the break up I would do 45 days No Contact, keep out of contact until you’ve done some work on becoming Ungettable

Chelsi

November 14, 2019 at 9:43 am

Just looking for some guidance my ex and I broke up 2 and a half weeks ag. We only dated for almost 4 months. He broke up with me. I definitely was emotional but left it with peace. I started the 30 day NC immediately after. But he wanted he’s things back so I dropped them off. I kept things brief and friendly. I haven’t spoke to him since then. Or made any form of contact. But he hasn’t reached out once accept to ask for his things back. I’ve been proactive in building a new life but I can’t help but wonder why he won’t reach out…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 14, 2019 at 11:39 pm

Hi Chelsi if you want him back you may have to reach out yourself but as a friend first and then build up your connection again

Greisy

November 10, 2019 at 1:35 am

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me after a 5 year relashionship. He told me he has no rommantic feelings anymore that it has been that way for a year but didnt want to tell me so I wouldn’t hurt. He ended up breaking up with me 2.5 weeks ago and he wants me to move on and be happy. My heart is broken he goes days without texting me. I am going tomorrow to pick up ny pets. Ive tried no contact but only lasts a couple days. He asked me to borrow money and I lent it to him but told him I am not doing any favors because were done. I love him and want him back… I feel he doesnt care and their maybe no hope because he has no rommantic feelings towards me. I have the book and do you have any advice? Is their a chance I can get him back? He gave it 2 weeks and told me his feelings didnt come back and he doesnt thing they will… i feel dumb for giving him those two weeks for him to tell me we should end it. Help…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 10, 2019 at 9:42 pm

Hey Greisy, so you start with No Contact, do some work to become Ungettable and then read as much as you can on the website to help you through the process

Sarah

November 5, 2019 at 5:18 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago after over a year and a half relationship and didn’t give me a reason other than he just had this “feeling”. He said he had been feeling this way for a week. I contacted him three days after we broke up just to see how he was doing and to ask him some questions since he had no answers when we did break up. He said he didn’t know if he made a mistake or not. He also said that if we are meant to be together then maybe one day we will find our way back together. It is as if he still had hope in our relationship even though he had just broken up with me. He has always been very indecisive and has a hard time talking about his emotions. The conversation ended with him saying he will reach out to me when he has answers. It has been a month and he still hasn’t said anything.
Jane

November 1, 2019 at 8:28 am

My partner and I broke up 2 months ago. I accidentally FaceTimed him but hung up immediately and he responded an hour later. This happened 3 weeks after no contact we then had some contact, he’s a very stubborn man but also has major trust issues and loads of baggage he’s dealing with from exes to his estranged son. He also uses drugs recreationally. But he has so many other good qualities but it appears no contact is not working and to. E honest I’m torn between wanting him back and just moving on. I don’t know quite what to do

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 1, 2019 at 11:08 pm

Only you can decide what you want to do Jane, and we can then try to advise you how to do either 🙂

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 27, 2019 at 3:34 pm

You complete a 30 day NC and worked on yourself you can reach out with a friendly text that Chris explains is a hook text that will get him attention and make him want to talk to you. The first time you text the conversation needs to be short and positive thats the only reason you need this one to open the window of conversation again
Meghan

October 20, 2019 at 4:05 pm

Hello! So my boyfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. We were together nearly 3 years. He broke up with me because I replied to a mans message and he felt betrayed by me. He broke up with me and right away was hanging out with someone new. He tells me I am still the love of his life and he wants to marry me and wants our family (I have a little boy who is 4)…. how do I handle this situation? He doesn’t text for like 2 days at a time and swings by to see us. Every few days but the new girl has already had a freak out on him and was with another man. How do I handle the situation. Is it possible he really still loves me and my son and wants our future or is he just keeping me at a arms reach to have for a fall back? When we first broke up I got so angry to find a woman is already in the picture and he showed up and my door telling me to relax he loves me still it will be okay we will end up together we belong together. What do you think of this situation?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 21, 2019 at 8:44 pm

Meghan, so the issue is trust so after youve completed your NC and you reach out make sure its a short and positive conversation about one of his interests. But during your NC make sure there is no other men in your life that he can use against you. If you find that after youve followed the program for a while and he still doesnt trust you, you can start dating casually. But i would avoid trying to make him jealous if you want him back. You need to regain his trust. You need to prove youre stable and trustworthy but you also need to respect yourself so make sure he doesnt use the other man against you when he has this other woman on the scene

Genesis

October 16, 2019 at 6:52 pm

Hi! My ex and I broke up after 5 years of relationship.
We always fighted about stupid stuff but I always tried to calm things down. Last time I couldnt and he broke things with me for a simple thing that wasn’t even a problem. I know I,ve been pretty good with him, but he got mad and told me that I never gave him what he needed. I started the no contact rule 4 days ago. The last message he sent me is that he hope I am doing fine and that he doesnt want to hurt me so he prefers to move on. But he is a good guy, is just hard for him to see it, even when i try to explain him. Can I still be able to get him back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2019 at 9:52 pm

Hi Genesis, you need to follow the program and work on yourself, then approaching your ex with a text that Chris suggests as a hook to get your ex talking to you again

Maria

October 3, 2019 at 4:39 pm

Hello there,
My X And I just broke up after 1 year. He broke up with me via text. I think he was trying to do i in person the second to the last time we saw each other but we missed each other so much( he was on holidays with his dad) that I don’t think he could do it. He said he needed to take a step back ( I said I loved him at the 10.5 month mark)that he was feeling gun shy ( he has been separated for two years from a 13 year relationship. ( his X is still causing issues chasing him for more money) Well we talked ….I said if you needed space I will give it to you just verbalized it. All seemed well we had a great weekend together. The next weekend was good as well…until close to when I had to leave. He looked super tired and quiet. I volunteered to honour that and left earlier as usual… after we cuddled a lot and kissed a bit.
Texting started out strong on the Monday and started to fade as Friday approached. The next weekend we couldn’t be together I had plans. We always text throughout the day 2-3 times to check in on each other. He didn’t respond Saturday, Sunday or Monday. He’s never done that. So I checked in. I asked if everything was ok? He answered right away and said I’ll call you tonight. He never did. Nothing until Thursday. Then he messaged me- I apologize for not replying to your msg’s and text’s sooner. I have not been in a good frame of mind and have had to come to terms with some things both personally and professionally. Finding the words to say to you is difficult. Like you I have very much enjoyed our adventures together. Unfortunately my heart is not in the same place as yours and I feel I am taking from your life the potential to be in a mutually loving relationship. This has bothered me for some time and I can no longer continue feeling this way. Your a wonderful, caring, kind woman and you deserve to have your love reciprocated. I need to say goodbye and hope you find someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are. We are both 50 years old. I haven’t contacted him for a week. I only sent kind words to him. We have never fought only laughed and had fun. I have I friended him from Facebook. Does the no contact rule apply to this case?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 3, 2019 at 10:25 pm

Hi Maria, yes still complete a NC and work on getting over the break up so that when you reach out to him again you are in a good place.

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2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”